“This is the ingenious theory which the Brothers of Thibet have devised to release them from acknowledging that they have any other Brothers in this world to whom theyare under sacred obligations besides themselves, and which, owing to the selfish principle that underlies it, has a tendency to sap the foundations of all morality. So that we have this nineteenth-century apostle of Esoteric Buddhism venturing to assert to his Western readers that ‘it is not so rough a question as that—whether man be wicked or virtuous—which must really, at the final critical turning-point, decide whether he shall continue to live and develop into higher phases of existence, or cease to live altogether.’ We, the Sisters of Thibet, repudiate and denounce in the strongest terms any such doctrine as the logical outcome either of the moral precepts of Buddha or of the highest esoteric science. Let the Brothers of Thibet beware of any longer cherishing the delusion that the Sisters of Thibet, because their existence is purely objective, ‘are therefore unreal and merely transitory delusions of sense.’ We also have a secret to reveal—the result of twenty centuries of occult learning—and we formally announce to you, the so-called adepts of occult science, that if you persist in disseminating any more of your deleterious metaphysical compounds in thisworld under the name of Esoteric Buddhism, we will not only no longer refrain, as we have hitherto done, from tormenting you in your subjective conditions while still in yourrupas, but, by virtue of the occult powers we possess, will poison the elements ofdevachanuntil subjective existence becomes intolerable there for your fifth and sixth principles,—yourmanasand yourbuddhis,—andnirvanaitself will be converted into hell.”
Dramatis personæ.
TheHon. Adolphus Gresham.
TheEarl of Gules.
Adolphus Plumper.
MrFlamm.
Lady Elaine Bendore.
TheCountess of Gules.
MrsPlumper.
Charles.
Elaine. I must really beg of you to stop, Mr Gresham. You cannot think how you pain and surprise me. I am sure I never had the least idea! Besides, supposing papa or mamma should hear you.
Adolphus. Lord Gules is asleep, and her ladyship is absorbed in her novel; besides,you may be sure that I have taken care to ascertain their sentiments before I venture to say what I have to you. Oh, Elaine, if I could but hope!
Train stops.Guard[looking in]. All the smoking-carriages are engaged, gentlemen; but you’ll find room in here.
[EnterAdolphus PlumperandMr Flamm. Flammseats himself oppositeElaine,andPlumperoppositeAdolphus.
Flamm[aside toPlumper]. By Jove, Plumper! you never told me you had a twin brother. Polish up your spectacles, old man—you’ve made ’em damp by that race we had to catch the train—and look at yourvis-à-vis.
[Plumpertakes off his spectacles with great deliberation, wipes them, puts them on again, and stares atAdolphus.
Plumper[aside]stammering. Dud-dud-dud-do you see a likeness? Dud-dud-dud-don’t see it myself. He’s bab-bab-bab-bald, and he’s not sh-sh-sh-ort-sighted.
Fl. Probably he doesn’t stammer either. I’ll try presently. Positively, if he wore spectacles and a wig of your hair, I shouldn’t know you apart.
Lady Gules[aside toElaine]. Did you ever see anything more extraordinary, my dear? What a horrid caricature of our dear Adolphus Gresham!
El. [aside]. I can’t say I agree with you, mamma. I think he has a more intelligent expression—more soul, I should say.
Lady G. You are quite ridiculous, Elaine. Half the girls in London have bean setting their caps at Mr Gresham for the last few seasons, till they have given him up as invulnerable; and now that you have a chance of becoming one of the richest peeresses in England, you do nothing but snub him. He is as clever and charming as he will be rich when his father dies, and is certain to become a Cabinet Minister some day. He’s considered the most rising young man of his party.
El. That he may easily be, considering he is a Conservative. Oh, mamma! how can you suppose that I would ever marry a Conservative?
Lady G. I have no patience with you, Elaine; a nice mess your Radicals have made of it with Egypt and Ireland. But we won’t go into that now; only remember this, if he proposes, and you don’t accepthim, your father and I will be seriously displeased.
El. [sighing]. I’m sure the gentleman opposite is a friend of the people. See! he’s reading the ‘Pall Mall.’ [Aside toAdolphus.] Mamma has just been telling me that she sees such a strange likeness between you and your opposite neighbour.
Ad. Ah! Plumper—if the name on his hat-box is to be believed; A. Plumper, too. I wonder whether A. stands for Adolphus? I don’t feel flattered.
El. Now that is nothing but Tory prejudice. I am sure he looks very distinguished, though his name is Plumper. I have no doubt he’s a self-made man.
Pl. Pup-pup-pup-pardon me, madam; shall I put the window up? I see you feel the dud-dud-dud-draught.
El. Thank you. No; I prefer it open. But may I ask you to lend me your ‘Echo’? it’s a paper I like so much, and so seldom see.
Fl. Cheap, but not nasty; enjoys a vast circulation among the middle classes. The Conservatives are as far behind us in journalistic capacity as they are in parliamentary eloquence.
Pl. You must make allowances for my friend. He’s on the pup-pup-pup-press himself, and expects shortly to get into Pup-pup-pup-Parliament.
El. Oh, I do so hope he will! You don’t think there is a reaction setting in, do you? Papa says that Mr Gladstone is losing his hold on the country.
Lord Gules[awaking with a snort]. Not, however, before the country has lost its hold upon him. He cares no more for his country, sir, than I do for the Chinese in California. He’s a traitor, sir, to his principles; he’s—
El. Oh, papa, do stop!—here we are at the Victoria—and we have no right to judge any one so harshly. I assure you such strong expressions only make me feel more and more convinced how wrong you must be. [ToPlumper,handing back his paper.] Thank you so much. I’m so sorry I have not had time to read it.
Lady G. Good-bye, Mr Gresham; remember that you have promised to dine with us to-morrow night. We shall be quite alone; but I am sure you don’t care about a party.
Ad. I need not say with what pleasure I shall look forward to it.Au revoir, LadyElaine. [Aside.] You do not know how you have been tempting me to abandon all my cherished political convictions for your sake. It is to be hoped that the Radicals will not follow up their success with the caucus by organising the young ladies of their party and letting them loose on society as propagandists of their Utopian ideas and political fallacies.
[Exeunt omnes.
Ad. Dear Lady Elaine, Lady Gules has given me special permission and opportunity to explain myself more fully than was possible yesterday. Please tell me why you were so surprised at what I said, and why you think me so very objectionable?
El. I don’t think you at all objectionable, Mr Gresham, as a member of society; on the contrary, I think you charming; though I do feel that, magnetically, we are wide as the poles asunder! Oh, believe me, we have no grounds of common sympathy, either in matters of philosophical, political, or religiousthought—and above all, in art! You seem to lack that enthusiasm for humanity which could alone constitute an affinity between us. I was surprised, because I had hoped to find in you an intelligent companion; and mortified at the discovery that you could not rise to higher ground than that of an ordinary admirer,—men in these days seem to think that women have no otherraison d’êtreexcept to be made love to.
Ad. I do not think that is a new idea, Lady Elaine; but is it absolutely necessary, in order that you should return the deep affection I feel for you, that we should agree politically, philosophically, theologically, and æsthetically? In old days women did not trouble themselves on these matters, but trusted to their hearts rather than to their heads to guide their affections.
El. And so I do now. I feel instinctively that we are not kindred spirits; that the mysterious chord of sympathy which vibrates in the heart of a girl with the first tone of the voice of the man she is destined to love, does not exist between us. Oh, indeed, indeed, Mr Gresham, although I adore Frederic Harrison as a thinker, as much as I dislike MrMallock—though I read every word he writes as a duty—I am not destitute of romance. I am a profound believer in the doctrine of affinity. Who that accepts, as I do, the marvellous teaching of Comte, and remembers that the highest ideas which it contains were inspired by a woman, could fail to be? But I shall know the man towards whom I am destined to occupy the relation that Comte’s Countess did to him, at a glance. No words will need to pass between us to assure us that we are one in sentiment. It will be as impossible for him to be indifferent to elevating the taste of the masses in matters of domestic detail, or be otherwise wanting in a whole-hearted devotion to the service of humanity, or to scoff at the theory of evolution, as it would be for him to accept the errors and superstitions of an obsolete theology, or the antiquated dogmas of the Conservatives about landed property.
Ad. And if I fulfilled all these conditions, so far as a thorough philosophical and political sympathy was concerned, would that avail me nothing to produce this hidden affinity?
El. Absolutely nothing. In the first place,you could not pretend to believe and feel what you did not believe and feel; and in the second, if you could, I should instantly sense the absence of that internal attraction towards each other which would be irresistible in both. You were right, Mr Gresham, when you said the heart and not the head should be the guide; and I trust it absolutely—so give up a hope which must be vain. Believe me, I feel deeply pained at having to speak so decidedly, but it is better that you should be under no delusion. Still, do not let me lose you as a friend whom I shall always esteem. You will soon get over it, and will have no difficulty in finding a wife who will suit you far better than I should ever have done.
Ad. There, believe me, you are mistaken; but it is a point impossible to discuss. Good-bye, Lady Elaine. Thanks for your frankness and patience with me. Perhaps I shall get over it, as you say. I shall take refuge in my yacht, and try the curative effect of a cruise round the world. It will be a year at least before we meet again. [ExitAdolphus.
El. Poor Adolphus! how absolutely impossible is love, where the hidden sympathy ofsoul is wanting!—and yet how nice he is [sighs], and how manfully he accepted his fate! What philosophy can really explain the mystery of that magnetic affinity called love, which so unaccountably exercises its attracting influences over the whole animal creation, and most probably over plants? If it is a latent potentiality of matter, how did it get there? Now for a scene with mamma.
[ExitElaine.
El. [reading card]. Mr Adolphus Plumper! Is the gentleman coming up-stairs, Charles?
Charles. No, my lady; he only left the card and this letter, and said he would call again. [ExitCharles.
El. [opening letter]. From Mr Gresham, mamma, dated Naples. [Reads.] “Dear Elaine,—I felt so much touched by the kindness of your last words to me when we parted, that I venture to hope that it may interest you to know, as a friend, how it has faredwith me since I left England. The curative process does not seem to have fairly set in yet, but I am going to try the effect of a little mild excitement by joining the demonstrating fleets at Alexandria. For a month past I have been idling here; and curiously enough, the first person I stumbled upon in the Chiaja Gardens was Mr Adolphus Plumper—our railway companion on the only journey I ever had the happiness to take with you, and who seated himself by my side on a bench to which I had resorted for a quiet cigar. As there are few foreigners here at this season, we have been thrown almost daily together, and I have been quite delighted to find how very much superior he is to what I thought helookedwhen you honoured me by pointing out our resemblance. I ought to speak highly of him, for he saved my life. I took him a cruise in my yacht, and the gig in which we were landing one day was upset in some breakers. I had been stunned, and should have been drowned had he not come to the rescue; and I really feel that for this and some other reasons which I will explain when we meet, I owe him a debt of gratitude that I can never hope to repay. Although he istoo retiring by nature to say so, I could see, when I made some laughing allusions to the occasion of our first meeting, that he would be glad to continue to make the acquaintance of Lord and Lady Gules—in other words, to continue the political discussion he then commenced with you. Singular to state, he is an admirer of Congreve and all that school, so I am sure you will have plenty of topics in common. Mr Plumper has made an enormous fortune as a contractor, and now chiefly occupies himself with works of charity and benevolence. One of his special hobbies is the introduction of the æsthetic principle intoKindergartens. I have given him a hint not to introduce his vulgar friend Flamm—pardon me the expression, though he is a Radical. I have given Plumper a few lines to Lady Gules. Please do all you can to overcome the prejudice against him which both she and Lord Gules are sure to entertain; and believe me, yours faithfully,
“Adolphus Gresham.”
Lady G. A Radical, a plutocrat, and an infidel! That is a mixture that ought to suit you, Elaine.
El. Quite as well as a Tory, a spendthrift, and a bigot, which is the one I usually meet in society, mamma. But please do not let us quarrel. I always try to be polite to your mixtures. For Mr Gresham’s sake, be civil to mine.
Lady G. For Mr Gresham’s sake, indeed! What have you done for Mr Gresham’s sake that puts me under an obligation to him? However, I suppose we must ask the man to dinner. Is there any address on his card?
El. 20 Heavitree Gardens.
Lady G. One of those millionaire palaces, I suppose, in the back regions of South Kensington. The carriage is waiting, so I shall leave you to write the invitation. You had better ask him for Tuesday, when we have got some people coming to dinner.
[ExitLady Gules.
El. [taking up the letter, reads]. “Now chiefly occupies himself with works of charity and benevolence. One of his special hobbies is the introduction of æsthetic principles intoKindergartens.” How refreshing to meet a man at last who takes a living interest in the welfare of his fellow-creatures! I am sure I shall like him. [Writes, and rings the bell.]
EnterCharles.
Lady E. Please put this in the post, Charles. [ExitCharles.] Now I must go and get ready to go out riding with papa, and reconcile him to the dreadful idea of having “a Radical, a plutocrat, and an infidel” at his dinner-table. [ExitElaine.
(A month elapses.)
Lord G. I tell you what it is, my dear—we’ve only known that fellow Plumper a month, and he has already completely captivated Elaine with hisKindergarten, and his sunflowers, and his hatred of the landed interest and Irish coercion, and love of theclôtureand humanity, and Buddha and Brahma, and Zoroaster and Mahomet, and all the rest of them. I must really take steps to find out whether Gresham was well informed about his reputed wealth. I shall ride down and take a look at 20 Heavitree Gardens to-morrow. I haven’t met a single man at the Club who has ever heard of him.
Lady G. It’s no use: if he should turn out a pauper, or even a swindler, I am afraid Elaine will marry him. I saw it in her eye last night; and so, I should think, did he. He certainly can’t complain of not receiving encouragement. I only wonder that he has not yet proposed. I believe the man to be capable of any act of audacity, in spite of his languid manner, and his long hair, and short-sightedness, and his stammer.
EnterElaine.
Lord G. Are you coming to ride with me, or going out to drive with your mother, Elaine?
El. Neither, dear papa. I am too busy finishing a paper I am writing on the “Chiton; or, Clothing for the masses on the principles of the ideal of the ancient Greeks,” for the next meeting of the Women’s Dress Reform Association.
Lord G. Well, take care you make them put enough on. Remember the climate, if you ignore other considerations.
Lady G. And pray do not so far overstep the bounds of maidenly modesty as to consult your Mr Plumper on the subject.
[ExitLordandLady Gules.
El. [sighing]. My Mr Plumper! Ah, Adolphus, there is not a fibre in our bodies or souls—and why should not souls have fibres?—that does not vibrate in harmony! We are like Æolian harps that make the same music to the same airs of the affections, while electrically our brains respond sympathetically to the same wave-current of idea. Emotionally, intellectually, we are one. Why should I allow an absurd custom of conventional civilisation, degrading to the sex, to prevent my telling him so? What more inherent right can be vested by nature in a woman than that of telling a man that she loves him, and that, therefore, he belongs to her? Hark! his step. My Adolphus!
EnterAdolphus.
Ad. I have ventured to kuk-kuk-kuk-call, Lady Elaine, with the pap-pap-pattern I promised of female attire suited to all classes; for why should we recognise any did-did-distinction between the folds which drape the form of the aristocrat and the pop-pop-pauper? It is all in kuk-kuk-curves and circles; there is not a straight line about it worn thus. See how graciously it flows![Puts his head through a hole in the middle.] But allow me; your form will do far more justice to it than mine. [Takes it off and puts it onLady Elaine.] Ah, how divinely precious! [Gazes with rapture. Lady Elainesits down in it.]
El. Dear Adolphus, why should this strained conventional formality exist any longer between us? Can we not read each other’s thoughts? Can we not feel each other’s hearts beating in sweet accord? Are we not formed and fashioned for each other? Let this exquisite garment, which we have both worn, be the symbol of that internal robe which costumes our united souls, woven from the texture of our affections.
Ad. [falling on his knees, kisses its hem]. Sweet symbol of sanctified intuitions! Tit-tit-tit-transparent—though it may seem tot-tot-tolerably thick; for does it not reveal to me the workings of the soul of my beb-beb-beloved? Ah, Elaine, how trifling do earthly treasures seem, compared with those of the affections! You will be mine, for ever mine, dud-dud-darling, will you not—even though I may not have the riches I am supposed to possess?
El. Oh, Adolphus! how can you ask me such a question? What is the wealth of the pocket as compared with the wealth of the soul!
Ad. True! oh, quite intensely true!—for how sweetly sings the poet Oscar on this theme!—
“As like miners we exploreHidden treasures in the soul,And we pip-pip-pick the amorous oreFirmly bedded in its hole;New emotions come to light,Flashing in affections’ rays,Scintillating to the sight,With a tit-tit-tit-transcendental bib-bib-bib-blaze,Warming us until we burnWith a glow of sacred fire,And as coals to diamonds turn,Sparkling in us with did-did-did-desire.”
“As like miners we exploreHidden treasures in the soul,And we pip-pip-pick the amorous oreFirmly bedded in its hole;New emotions come to light,Flashing in affections’ rays,Scintillating to the sight,With a tit-tit-tit-transcendental bib-bib-bib-blaze,Warming us until we burnWith a glow of sacred fire,And as coals to diamonds turn,Sparkling in us with did-did-did-desire.”
El. Oh, quite, quite too lovely! Come, Adolphus—why should we linger here, now that our troths are plighted? Why should we not at once brave the world together? I need the sweet scents of the air, the rustleof leaves, the singing of birds, the chattering of monkeys, and the hum of nature. Let us go, my love, and walk in the Zoo.
Ad. [rising]. Dud-dud-dud-do you intend to keep that on?
El. What on?
Ad. This mystic garment of kuk-kuk-curves and circles.
El. No; I will keep it for a pattern and a sweet reminiscence. Now I will go and put on my Louis Quatorze hat, and be back in a moment, if you will go and call a hansom.
[ExitElaine.
[Adolphusbursts into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
[Exit laughing.
El. How sweet are these sights and sounds when hallowed by the consciousness of a beloved presence! How one glows with affection towards every object in nature! Adolphus, dear, don’t you feel, with me, that our hearts warm towards the hippopotamus?
Ad. Mine is positively beating with theviolence of my affection for him. If he was not so wet and bib-bib-big, I could throw my arms round him. Dear hippop-pop-pop-pop-otamoms!
El. Oh, look! there is that gentleman who got into the train with you on the blessed day that we first met. Mr Flamm, I think Mr Gresham said his name was.
EnterFlamm.
Flamm. Ah, Plumper, how are you, old man? I was looking for you everywhere. Why, what have you done with Mrs Plumper and the children?
Ad. My mother and her little grandchildren, you mean. I was not aware that they were to come here to-day.
Fl. Your mother! and grandchildren! Why, what the dev--- Oh, ah, ahem! [Aside.] I see—mum’s the word. Oh fie! sly dog! Naughty, naughty!—but so nice! [Whispers.] You are quite safe with me. [Aloud.] Yes, dear old lady—she’s getting too old to walk much now. [Aside.] I only hope we shan’t meet the young one. A jolly row there’ll be!
El. I hope soon to have the pleasure ofbeing introduced to Mr Plumper’s mother. I am sure I shall like her.
Fl. Oh, I am sure you will; she is the dearest, most delightful old lady! [Aside.] At least I hope she is by this time, for she was a horrid old cat up to the day of her death, ten years ago. By Jove! here come Mrs Plumper and the young uns. Now for it!
EnterMrs Plumper.
Mrs Plumper. Why, Adolphus, where have you been? Excuse me, madam; I did not see that you were upon my husband’s arm. Perhaps he’ll have the goodness to present his wife to you.
El. His wife! her husband! [Screams—faints.]
Mrs P. Yes, madam. You may well scream, “His wife! her husband!” and then pretend to faint. Who else’s wife do you suppose I am?
Ad. I am sorry I have no time for explanation now, as I must attend to this young lady; but if you will have the kindness to hold my hat, Mr Flamm. [Hands his hat toFlamm.] And you, madam, to take care ofthese. [Takes off his wig and spectacles and hands them toMrs Plumper.] Your own senses will explain a good deal. As you may have already discovered, I am not Mr Plumper at all; in fact, I perceive him approaching. Help me to hold her head a little higher, please Mr Flamm; and Mrs Plumper, kindly undo the back of her dress, or her stays, or herchiton, or whatever is underneath, and let go everything generally, so as to give her a chance of breathing.
EnterPlumper.
Fl. Here, Plumper, you’re a medical man, just come in the nick of time. This gentleman here has been personating you for some reason or other, and the discovery caused the young lady to faint. Mysterious, isn’t it?
Ad. Not at all, when you come to know the circumstances. Here is my card; and you will find me ready to make any apology or offer you any satisfaction you may require. Meantime, Dr Plumper, let me implore you to assist me in bringing her to.
Pl. There now, my gug-gug-good lady, take a smell of this. There now, we are beginning to feel beb-beb-better already.[Aside.] Most extraordinary coincidence, Flamm: this is the same lady and gentleman we travelled up to town with a kuk-kuk-couple of months ago; and you remarked upon our wonderful resemblance to each other. Horrid bob-bob-bore, a fellow’s being so like you; he can pip-pip-play all sorts of tricks upon you. Just a chance he did not get me into a did-did-devil of a scrape with Jemima.
Fl. [aside]. Well, you can always pay him off in his own coin—that is, if you shave your head, and throw away your spectacles, and give up stammering.
Pl. [aside]. But I can’t—that’s where he has the pup-pup-pull over me. [Aloud.] There now, one or two bib-bib-breaths, and we are all right. Now, dud-dud-don’t go off again; it can be all satisfactorily explained. [Aside.] Hang me if I know how!
El. [opens her eyes whilePlumperis bending over her—screams]. Oh, Adolphus!—[shuts them again]
Pl. There, there, my gug-gug-good lady, I’m not Adolphus; at least I am Adolphus, bub-bub-but not your Adolphus. Here, Mr Gresham, if you’re her Ad-dod-dod-dod-ol-phus, you’d better take her.
El. [opens her eyes, seesAdolphusbending over her—screams]. Oh, where am I?—[shuts them again.]
Pl. In the arms of your Adolphus. We’re bub-bub-both Adolphuses. I suppose, if you’ll rouse yourself a little, you’ll soon fif-fif-find out which is the right one.
Ad. Lady Elaine, pardon me, and I will explain all. I am Adolphus Gresham. I came back from Naples a month ago, and have deceived you by disguising myself as Dr Plumper. I shall never forgive myself unless you forgive me.
El. Oh, this is too horrible! [Shrinks from him, and bursts into a violent fit of weeping.]
Pl. There, that’s capital! Nothing like a hearty fit of tears to kuk-kuk-comfort a woman when she finds herself in a mess. Now Flamm, if you call a kuk-kuk-cab, we’ll put her in and send her home.
[ExitFlamm.
Ad. If you’ll have the kindness, Dr Plumper, to give me your address, and allow me to call upon you to-morrow, I think I shall be able to give both Mrs Plumper and yourself a complete explanation of what must appear most extraordinary conduct on my part.
Re-enterFlamm.
Fl. The cab is ready.
Ad. Now, Lady Elaine, if you will allow Dr Plumper and myself to assist you, we will accompany you home. [Exeunt omnes.
Lord G. Ha, ha, ha! Oh, wait a moment, my dear Gresham, or you’ll kill me with laughing. It’s the best joke I ever heard in my life, and most cleverly executed. So you caught the Radical, Comtist, æsthetic little minx in her own trap. Oh, excellent! I can’t say how thoroughly Lady Gules and I congratulate you on the success of your ruse, and how happy you have made us. My lady there is too pleased with the probable result to quarrel about the means. But how you did take us all in! I give you my word I never suspected you for a moment. Your stammer and wig were both admirable. As for Elaine, she’s torturing her brain with metaphysical doubts as to the nature of love, and says she will never love again. She tellsher mother that her Adolphus was an ideal personage who has no longer existence, and that her love is buried with him; but here she comes, so we will leave you to fight your own battle.
[ExeuntLordandLady Gules.
EnterElaine.
Ad. Dear Elaine.
El. Sir!
Ad. Nay, rather Adolphus than sir.
El. How can I say Adolphus? there is no Adolphus.
Ad. Indeed there is—[producing wig and spectacles]—pup-pup-pardon me while I put them on. If it was only my wig and spectacles you cared about, did-did-dearest, I will wear them and stammer through life fuf-fuf-for your sake.
El. Oh, Mr Gresham, how can you be so heartless? You know very well I loved you—at least I didn’t love you,—I mean, I thought I loved Adolphus—at least I was sure of it at the time; but I’m sure I don’t now. Oh, how cruel of you!
Ad. But if it was not my wig and spectacles and stammer for which you felt a magneticaffinity, I want to know exactly what it was you did love; because I am precisely the same human being without them as with them. What about me struck that mysterious chord of sympathy which vibrated in your affections when I was Plumper, which failed to strike it as Gresham? Why should not our hearts still beat in sweet accord without my wig? Why should not “this exquisite garment, which we have both worn—[takes up the dress, which is lying on a chair in the corner]—be the symbol of that internal robe which costumes our united souls, woven from the texture of our affections,” without my spectacles?
El. Mr Gresham, how dare you talk such nonsense? The texture of our affections indeed! mine are dead—basely, foully murdered. Oh, was ever woman so cruelly humiliated?
Ad. Nay, Elaine, I merely wished to prove to you that your aversion for me was entirely unfounded. You have proved to me that your love for Adolphus, in the abstract, is as baseless and unsubstantial. I am not sorry under the circumstances that it should have been murdered, for it was a poor exotic. Letus not attempt to analyse the mysterious nature of that passion which is too precious a plant to tear up by the roots in order to discover the origin of its existence, but learn rather from this lesson, so painful to us both, that there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of even in the philosophy of Comte, the doctrines of the æsthete, or the politics of Mr Gladstone. And now, Elaine, farewell,—this time you need not fear my coming back from Naples. [Moves towards the door and lingers.]
[Elaineputs her face between her hands and sobs convulsively.
Ad. Elaine, dear Elaine [returns softly and takes her hand], do you wish me to go?
[Elaineshakes her head.
Ad. Do you wish me to stay?
[Elaineshakes her head.
Ad. What do you wish me to do? I must do either one or the other. Shall I stay and go alternately, or shall we make a fresh start, without prejudice, as the lawyers say?
El. Oh, how heartlessly you talk! What do I care what the lawyers say? Can’t you see how miserable I am, and how hollow everything seems all at once? I don’t believein any one, and I don’t feel as if I knew anything, except that love is an inexplicable phenomenon of matter. I shall become an agnostic.
Re-enterLordandLady Gules.
Lord G. Well, have you two young people come to an understanding? Take my word for it, Elaine, an ounce of practice is worth a pound of theory in love-affairs, and be thankful if the man is willing to become your husband, who has had sufficient common-sense to teach you the lesson. Holloa! whom have we here?
EnterCharleswith cards.
Lord G. [reads]. “Dr and Mrs Plumper and Mr Flamm, to inquire for Lady Elaine Bendore.” Oho! our friend Plumper seems to know the difference between theory and practice at any rate, and is evidently anxious to extend the latter. [ToCharles.] Show them up.
Ad. I called upon the Plumpers this morning, and explained the whole affair to the entire satisfaction of the worthy couple.
[AdolphusandLady Elainewhisper apart.
Lord G. I have to thank you, Dr Plumper, for the timely assistance you rendered my daughter—first, in nearly sending her into a fit, and then in bringing her out of it; and am glad of this opportunity of expressing my sense of the obligation I am under to Mrs Plumper and Mr Flamm.
Dr P. Oh, don’t mention it, my lord; I am sure I was only too gug-gug-glad to be of any assistance to Mr Gresham by being so like him as to frighten the young lady into a fif-fif-fit. And as for bringing her to—I always take the sal-volatile in my pup-pup-pup-pocket on Mrs Plumper’s account.
Ad. And you’ll accept me, Elaine, as your husband, even though I don’t abandon my political aspirations, or introduce æsthetic principles intoKindergartens, or adopt the philosophy of Comte?
El. [giving him her hand]. Oh, Adolphus, you have convinced me that the loftiest of all aspirations, the purest of all principles, the supremest of all philosophies, is—
Ad. A-dod-dod-dolphus!
{81}Esoteric Buddhism. By A. P. Sinnett, President of the Simla Eclectic Theosophical Society.
PRINTED BY WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS.