Mario[off stage calls]. Maddalena!
Maddalena.Here I am.
Mario[entering]. Go to Madame, she needs you. [Maddalena exits.] [To Paolo.] I have persuaded her.
Paolo.How fortunate to have a good lawyer.
Mario.And as you see, it did not take long.
Paolo.Want to bet I know how you convinced her?
Mario.Oh, it was very easy—I said....
Paolo.No, let me tell you. I want my little triumph. You gave up the business which held you here and decided to leave with us.
Mario.Even that.
Paolo.Eh? Didn't I know it? When you went away I was just about to tell you and then I wanted to wait and see. So now Anna is disposed to go?
Mario.Are you sorry?
Paolo.I should say not! All the more as we are—are we not going to amuse ourselves? The place, the trip, the hotels,—yes, it is better. But the company! To run away there should be few of us.
Mario.What are you saying?
Paolo[putting his two hands on Mario's shoulders and facing him.] To run away—do you understand? We must be a few. To run away as Anna and I did last year.
Mario.I do not understand.
Paolo.You did not tell me that Luciano had been here last year, nor the day that he was here.
Mario.I don't know. I do not remember....
Paolo.There you are—there—there—I knew it! And you knew that Anna went away from here to avoid him. And I went with her all unconscious. You saw the husband take a train and run away before the other could arrive!
Mario.And if it is true. It does not tell you more or less than the letters did.
Paolo.No, a little more. Everything tells a little more. One grain of sand piles up upon another, then another until it makes the mill-stone which crushes you. It tells a little more. It is one thing to keep away and another to run away. One can keep away a trouble without begging it to keep its distance. But one runs away for fear.
Mario.Uh-h!
Paolo.And look here—look—look, let us examine the case. Let us see. It is improbable that he wrote her he was coming. It is sure he did not or she would have responded: "You write me that you are coming.... I love my husband—I beg you to remain away."
Mario.Oh!
Paolo.So she, foreseeing his intentions, felt that he would come ... by that divination....
Mario.You are the first husband to get angry because a wife did her duty.
Paolo.Uhm! Duty—the ugly word!
Mario.If there ever was a virtuous woman!
Paolo.Woman or wife?
Mario.It is the same.
Paolo.No, no. A woman is for all; a wife for myself alone. Do you believe one marries a woman because she is virtuous? Never! I marry her because I love her and because I believe she loves me. There are a thousand virtuous women, there is one that I love, one alone who loves me ... if there is one....
Mario.Paolo!
Paolo.And if she loved him? Tell me—and if she loved him? And if she repulsed him for virtue's sake, for duty's sake? Tell me. What remains for me? If he was alive I could fight, I might win out. But he is dead—and has killed himself for love of her. If she loved him no force can tear him from her heart.
Mario.You think—?
Paolo.I do not know. It is that—I do not know. And I want to—I want to hear her shout it to my face. And she shall tell me.... Oh, I had the feeling the minute I had read the first letter. I did not then understand anything, indeed, I believed; "I love my husband." But I immediately felt a blow here—and it hurt me so! And I did not know what it was. Oh, before some fears assume shape, it takes time. First they gnaw, they gnaw and one does not know what they are. I was content.... I told you I was content, I wanted topersuademyself, but you have seen that fear gnaws at my heart. And if she loved him? Oh, surely! The more admirable eh? All the world would admire her. I, myself, would admire her upon my knees if she were the wife of another. But she is mine. I am not the judge of my wife. I am too intimately concerned, I cannot judge, I am the owner—she is mine—a thing of mine own. I must admire her because, while she could have cheated me altogether, she has only cheated me a little. I see that which she has robbed me of, not that which remains.
Mario.You are crazy!
Paolo.Do you not see that I am odious to her?
Mario.Oh, God!
Paolo.Odious! You were not here a moment ago. Don't you see that it is necessary that she have your help in order to support my presence?
Mario.To-day. Because she knows that you have read—did I not tell you? Because it is embarrassing.
Paolo.Not only to-day. You never move from this place. For fifteen years that you have played at being a farmer, you have not been away for a week. And fifteen days ago you suddenly decided to make a tour of the world. She begged you to.
Mario.I swear—
Paolo.I do not believe you. Anna shall have to tell me. [Paolo starts to exit.]
Mario.What are you doing?
Paolo.I am going to ask her.
Mario.No, Paolo.
Paolo.Let me go.
Mario.No. Maddalena is also there.
Paolo.Oh, as far as that's concerned—[Calls.] Anna—Anna!
Mario.You are very ungrateful.
Paolo.If she loved me it did not come hard for her to repulse him. If she loved him, I owe her no gratitude.
Anna[entering]. Did you call me?
[Mario starts to exit.]
Paolo.No, no. Remain. Yes, Anna. I wanted to ask you something. Whatever you say, I shall believe you.
Anna.Of that I am certain.
Paolo.Was it you who begged Mario to come with us? Not to-day I don't mean.
Anna.Neither to-day nor before.
Mario.You see!
Anna.I did not beg him nor did I propose it to him. But I must say that if Mario had not come I would not have gone either.
Paolo.To-day. But fifteen days ago?
Mario.Listen, this is ridiculous.
Anna.It is natural that Paolo desires to know and he has the right to question me.
Paolo.I do not wish to impose my rights.
Anna.There you are wrong. We must value our own and respect those of the others. Fifteen days ago I would have gone with you alone.
Mario.Oh, blessed God!
Paolo.You were afraid that she would say no?
Anna.But his consent to accompany us greatly relieved me.
Paolo.Which is to say that my company would have weighed upon you.
Anna.Not weighed. It would have annoyed me.
Paolo.May one ask why?
Anna.You may as well. Because I was shadowed by an unhappiness which you ignored at the time, whereas now you know the reasons. Knowing them, you will understand that I must be very worried, but for the sake of your peace I must hide my unhappiness, seeing that I had nothing to reproach myself with in relation to you. You understand that for two to be together, always together, it would be more difficult to pretend all the time—all the time! While the presence of a third person—
Mario.But listen—listen—
Anna.Mario had the good idea to accompany us.
Paolo.Mario, who knew him!
Anna.I ignore that.
Paolo.Did he ever speak of it?
Mario.Do not reply, Anna, do not answer, come away—he is ill, he does not reason—poor devil—it will pass and he will understand then—
Anna.No, it is useless.
Paolo.A useless tragedy, isn't it, Anna?
Anna.Do you require anything more of me?
Paolo[imperiously]. Yes. I want the letters which you wrote to Luciano.
Anna.That is just. I will go and get them. [Exits.]
Paolo.All!
[Anna returns and hands Paolo a key.]
Anna.They're in my desk, in the first drawer at the right. They are tied with a black ribbon.
Paolo.Very well. [Exits.]
Mario.Pardon him, Anna, he does not know what he is doing. He loves you so much? He is rather weak.
Anna.Oh, without pity!
Mario.As are the weak. He loves you—he loves you.
Anna.Worse for him that he loves me. He will lose.
Mario.No, it is for you to help him.
Anna.As long as I can.
[Paolo returns with the letters in his hand, goes to the desk and takes out the others, throws them all into the fire-place and lights them.]
Mario.What are you doing? Look, Anna!
[Anna stands rigid, erect and watches the letters burn, and murmurs as though to herself.]
Anna.Gone! Gone! Gone!
[Paolo comes to Anna with hands clinched as though in prayer, bursts into tears and kneels before her. Mario goes off half in contempt and half in despair.]
Paolo[on his knees]. And now—can you pardon me?
[Anna reluctantly rests a hand upon his head, then indulgently and discouragingly.]
Anna.Rise—rise.
Paolo.Tell me that you pardon me. I swear that I want to die here and now.
Anna.Yes, yes. Arise; do not remain so. It hurts me.
Paolo[getting up]. I do not know what got into my head—but I have suffered a great deal.
Anna.Yes, I see. Yes ... calm yourself.
Paolo.Mario has no tact ... it was he who irritated me from the first. [Anna starts to go.] Do not go. Stay here a moment. [Anna sits upon the sofa.] You see the stroke of madness has passed. It was only because Mario was here. Mario is good, judicious, but his presence irritated me. Yes, yes, you were right. But you should also understand the state of my mind. [He walks up and down.] After all, what does all this disturbance mean? It means that I love you—and it seems to me that is the essential thing! One must consider the source of things. It is five years that we are husband and wife and you cannot say I have ever given you the slightest reason for regret. I do not believe so. Five years are five years. I have worked up to a good position, you have always figured in society; a pastime which I would never have enjoyed alone. I had friends, the club, the other husbands after the first year of marriage, in the evenings, I renounced everything. I do not wish to praise myself, but—
Anna.Please don't walk up and down so much!
Paolo.Excuse me. Will you allow me to sit here next to you? [Long silence.] When shall I see you smile, Anna? No, do not get up. Then it is not true that you have pardoned me!
Anna.What do you wish, Paolo? What do you wish of me? Say it quickly!
Paolo.You made me promise never to speak of it.
Anna.Oh, but I said that you would break your promise immediately. You are wrong though, believe me. Do not ask me anything. When there is no more danger I promise you, and I will keep my promise. I promise that I will tell you everything without your asking me. And it will be good for both of us. But I wish to choose the moment.
Paolo.All right then. Do not tell me anything, but come away with me, with me alone. I will attend to Mario. He was coming to please you and he will be much happier to see us leave together, as a sign of peace. I understand that it is repulsive to you to re-awaken those memories; all right, instead of awakening them I will make you forget them—I swear it—I swear that I will never speak of them again, but come away with me and you shall see how much love....
Anna.Do not insist, Paolo. If you insist I shall come—but—
Paolo.No, no, I do not insist. You see me here begging. I do not want you by force. But listen once more, listen. I am grateful, you must understand, for that which you have done. Oh, I shall recompense you for it all my life. I realize there is not a more saintly woman in all the world, but you must enter into my soul and feel a little pity also for me.
Anna.Ah, ah! [Laughs bitterly.]
Paolo.Why do you prolong this torment? You said when there is no more danger! What danger is there? Upon whom depends this danger—from you or from me? What can time change for us? I have always loved you, I love you now, and in this moment I love you as I have never loved you! Give me your hand—only your hand. God, Anna! You are beautiful! And you are my wife—you are my wife and the oath which you took when we were married, is not only one of faithfulness, but of love. Come away—come away.
Anna.No, no, no.
Paolo.No? Are you afraid? Afraid of being unfaithful to him?
Anna.Paolo—Paolo!
Paolo.And if I wish it?
Anna.You cannot wish it.
Paolo.And if I want?
Anna.Paolo!—
Paolo.And if I command?
Anna.You will, in one moment, destroy all my plan. Think—your violence is a liberation for me.
Paolo.Oh, come—or speak!
Anna.Do you wish it so? We have come to that? I have done all that I could.
Paolo.Yes, go on. Speak!
Anna.I loved Luciano and I love him still.
Paolo.Oh!
Anna.I loved him. I loved him—do you hear? I loved him and I feel an immense joy to say it here and you did not see that I was dying to say it—and when I saw you nearly stifling me with your ferocious curiosity, I said to myself: "It will out—it will out"... And it has come. I loved him, I love him and I have never loved any one in the world but him and I feel only remorse for my virtue. Now do you know?
Paolo.Very well! [Starts to go.]
Anna.Ah, no. Remain here—now you hear me. You wished that I speak, now I do.... It is I now who command you to stay. You must understand very well that after a scene such as this, everything is finished between us, so I must tell you everything. I listened to you and will listen to you again if you wish, but you also must listen to me. What have you ever done for me? What help have you given me? Have you known how to see when it was right that you should see? Have you known even how to suspect? Was it necessary that a man die.... Not even that! When you were not suffering, as you are suffering now, did you know how to see the way I suffered? You thought that my sorrow was for a dead relative! You did not understand that I was crazed; you slept next to me and yet you did not realize that the first few nights I bit the covers so as not to cry out. In a moment you realize all the facts. And what are these facts? That I, your wife for many years, have defended your peace in silence. I have fulfilled that which people call my duty. Then your curiosity is awakened and to make up for lost time you wish to violate my soul and penetrate down to its very depths. Ah—Paolo, no, no; one cannot do this. No, it will not help to know everything. One does not enter into the soul by the front door; one enters by stealth. You have tried to force an entrance; now you see there is nothing more inside for you.
Paolo.No? You think you are right, eh? You are right—it is true—I admit that you are right. So I have never had your love, eh? You have said so; that I never had your love! Then what? You are right. Still—do you know what I shall do? I throw you out of my house!
Anna[happily]. I go, I go, I go and I shall never come back! And do not beg me and do not come after me. I have no more strength to have pity, when I say good-by, I shall be as dead to you! [Runs off into her room. Paolo stunned, stares after her awaiting for her return. Anna returns with her hat and cloak, crosses to exit.]
Paolo.No, Anna, no, no, no. Anna, no. For pity's sake wait! We are both mad. What will become of us? I need you. [Paolo tries to get in her way to stop her.] Do not go. I do not want you to—remain here. I was crazy—do not go, you will see that—for all my life—[Anna tries to break away.] No, for pity's sake—if you go—if you break from me—if you speak—I feel that this will be the end of everything! Remain! Remain, Anna! [She breaks away.]
Anna.Good-by! [Exits.]
[Curtain.]
Copyright, 1914, by Albert and Charles Boni.
Reprinted from "The Plays of the Washington Square Players," published by Frank Shay.
The professional and amateur stage rights on this play are strictly reserved by Mr. Thomas Seltzer. Applications for permission to produce the play should be made to Mr. Seltzer, 5 West 50th St., New York City.
A Comedy
By Leonid Andreyev
[Scene:A wild place in the mountains.
A man in an attitude of despair is standing on a tiny projection of a rock that rises almost sheer from the ground. How he got there it is not easy to say, but he cannot be reached either from above or below. Short ladders, ropes and sticks show that attempts have been made to save the unknown person, but without success.
It seems that the unhappy man has been in that desperate position a long time. A considerable crowd has already collected, extremely varied in composition. There are venders of cold drinks; there is a whole little bar behind which the bartender skips about out of breath and perspiring—he has more on his hands than he can attend to; there are peddlers selling picture postal cards, coral beads, souvenirs, and all sorts of trash. One fellow is stubbornly trying to dispose of a tortoise-shell comb, which is really not tortoise-shell. Tourists keep pouring in from all sides, attracted by the report that a catastrophe is impending—Englishmen, Americans, Germans, Russians, Frenchmen, Italians, etc., with all their peculiar national traits of character, manner and dress. Nearly all carry alpenstocks, field-glasses and cameras. The conversation is in different languages, all of which, for the convenience of the reader, we shall translate into English.
At the foot of the rock where the unknown man is to fall, two policemen are chasing the children away and partitioning off a space, drawing a rope around short stakes stuck in the ground. It is noisy and jolly.]
Policeman.Get away, you loafer! The man'll fall on your head and then your mother and father will be making a hullabaloo about it.
Boy.Will he fall here?
Policeman.Yes, here.
Boy.Suppose he drops farther?
Second Policeman.The boy is right. He may get desperate and jump, land beyond the rope and hit some people in the crowd. I guess he weighs at least about two hundred pounds.
First Policeman.Move on, move on, you! Where are you going? Is that your daughter, lady? Please take her away! The young man will soon fall.
Lady.Soon? Did you say he is going to fall soon? Oh, heavens, and my husband's not here!
Little Girl.He's in the café, mamma.
Lady[desperately]. Yes, of course. He's always in the café. Go call him, Nellie. Tell him the man will soon drop. Hurry! Hurry!
Voices.Waiter!—Garçon—Kellner—Three beers out here!—No beer?—What?—Say, that's a fine bar—We'll have some in a moment—Hurry up—Waiter!—Waiter!—Garçon!
First Policeman.Say, boy, you're here again?
Boy.I wanted to take the stone away.
Policeman.What for?
Boy.So he shouldn't get hurt so badly when he falls.
Second Policeman.The boy is right. We ought to remove the stone. We ought to clear the place altogether. Isn't there any sawdust or sand about?
[Two English tourists enter. They look at the unknown man through field-glasses and exchange remarks.]
First Tourist.He's young.
Second Tourist.How old?
First Tourist.Twenty-eight.
Second Tourist.Twenty-six. Fright has made him look older.
First Tourist.How much will you bet?
Second Tourist.Ten to a hundred. Put it down.
First Tourist[writing in his notebook. To the policeman]. How did he get up there? Why don't they take him off?
Policeman.They tried, but they couldn't. Our ladders are too short.
Second Tourist.Has he been here long?
Policeman.Two days.
First Tourist.Aha! He'll drop at night.
Second Tourist.In two hours. A hundred to a hundred.
First Tourist.Put it down. [He shouts to the man on the rock.] How are you feeling? What? I can't hear you.
Unknown Man[in a scarcely audible voice]. Bad, very bad.
Lady.Oh, heavens, and my husband is not here!
Little Girl[running in]. Papa said he'll get here in plenty of time. He's playing chess.
Lady.Oh, heavens! Nellie, tell him he must come. I insist. But perhaps I had rather—Will he fall soon, Mr. Policeman? No? Nellie, you go. I'll stay here and keep the place for papa.
[A tall, lanky woman of unusually independent and military appearance and a tourist dispute for the same place. The tourist, a short, quiet, rather weak man, feebly defends his rights; the woman is resolute and aggressive.]
Tourist.But, lady, it is my place. I have been standing here for two hours.
Military Woman.What do I care how long you have been standing here. I want this place. Do you understand? It offers a good view, and that's just what I want. Do you understand?
Tourist[weakly]. It's what I want, too.
Military Woman.I beg your pardon, what do you know about these things anyway?
Tourist.What knowledge is required? A man will fall. That's all.
Military Woman[mimicking]. "A man will fall. That's all." Won't you have the goodness to tell me whether you have ever seen a man fall? No? Well, I did. Not one, but three. Two acrobats, one rope-walker and three aëronauts.
Tourist.That makes six.
Military Woman[mimicking]. "That makes six." Say, you are a mathematical prodigy. And did you ever see a tiger tear a woman to pieces in a zoo, right before your eyes? Eh? What? Yes, exactly. Now, I did—Please! Please!
[The tourist steps aside, shrugging his shoulders with an air of injury, and the tall woman triumphantly takes possession of the stone she has won by her prowess. She sits down, spreading out around her her bag, handkerchief, peppermints, and medicine bottle, takes off her gloves and wipes her field-glass, glancing pleasantly on all around. Finally she turns to the lady who is waiting for her husband in the café].
Military Woman[amiably]. You will tire yourself out, dear. Why don't you sit down?
Lady.Oh, my, don't talk about it. My legs are as stiff as that rock there.
Military Woman.Men are so rude nowadays. They will never give their place to a woman. Have you brought peppermints with you?
Lady[frightened]. No. Why? Is it necessary?
Military Woman.When you keep looking up a long time you are bound to get sick. Sure thing. Have you spirits of ammonia? No? Good gracious, how thoughtless! How will they bring you back to consciousness when he falls? You haven't any smelling salts either, I dare say. Of course not. Have you anybody to take care of you, seeing that you are so helpless yourself?
Lady[frightened]. I will tell my husband. He is in the café.
Military Woman.Your husband is a brute.
Policeman.Whose coat is this? Who threw this rag here?
Boy.It's mine. I spread my coat there so that he doesn't hurt himself so badly when he falls.
Policeman.Take it away.
[Two tourists armed with cameras contending for the same position.]
First Tourist.I wanted this place.
Second Tourist.You wanted it, but I got it.
First Tourist.You just came here. I have had this place for two days.
Second Tourist.Then why did you go without even leaving your shadow?
First Tourist.I wasn't going to starve myself to death.
Comb-Vender[mysteriously]. Tortoise-shell.
Tourist[savagely]. Well?
Vendor.Genuine tortoise-shell.
Tourist.Go to the devil.
Third Tourist, Photographer.For heaven's sake, lady, you're sitting on my camera!
Little Lady.Oh! Where is it?
Tourist.Under you, under you, lady.
Little Lady.I am so tired. What a wretched camera you have. I thought it felt uncomfortable and I was wondering why. Now I know; I am sitting on your camera.
Tourist[agonized]. Lady!
Little Lady.I thought it was a stone. I saw something lying there and I thought: A queer-looking stone; I wonder why it's so black. So that's what it was; it was your camera. I see.
Tourist[agonized]. Lady, for heaven's sake!
Little Lady.Why is it so large, tell me. Cameras are small, but this one is so large. I swear I never had the faintest suspicion it was a camera. Can you take my picture? I would so much like to have my picture taken with the mountains here for a background, in this wonderful setting.
Tourist.How can I take your picture if you are sitting on my camera?
Little Lady[jumping up, frightened]. Is it possible? You don't say so. Why didn't you tell me so? Does it take pictures?
Voices.Waiter, one beer!—What did you bring wine for?—I gave you my order long ago.—What will you have, sir?—One minute.—In a second. Waiter!—Waiter—Toothpicks!—
[A fat tourist enters in haste, panting, surrounded by a numerous family.]
Tourist[crying]. Mary! Aleck! Jimmie!—Where is Mary? For God's sake! Where is Mary?
Student[dismally]. Here she is, papa.
Tourist.Where is she? Mary!
Girl.Here I am, papa.
Tourist.Where in the world are you? [He turns around.] Ah, there! What are you standing back of me for? Look, look! For goodness' sake, where are you looking?
Girl[dismally]. I don't know, papa.
Tourist.No, that's impossible. Imagine! She never once saw a lightning flash. She always keeps her eyes open as wide as onions, but the instant it flashes she closes them. So she never saw lightning, not once. Mary, you are missing it again. There it is! You see!
Student.She sees, papa.
Tourist.Keep an eye on her. [Suddenly dropping into tone of profound pity.] Ah, poor young man. Imagine! He'll fall from that high rock. Look, children, see how pale he is! That should be a lesson to you how dangerous climbing is.
Student[dismally]. He won't fall to-day, papa!
Second Girl.Papa, Mary has closed her eyes again.
First Student.Let us sit down, papa! Upon my word, he won't fall to-day. The porter told me so. I can't stand it any more. You've been dragging us about every day from morning till night visiting art galleries.
Tourist.What's that? For whose benefit am I doing this? Do you think I enjoy spending my time with a dunce?
Second Girl.Papa, Mary is blinking her eyes.
Second Student.I can't stand it, either. I have terrible dreams. Yesterday I dreamed of garçons the whole night long.
Tourist.Jimmie.
First Student.I have gotten so thin I am nothing but skin and bones. I can't stand it any more, father. I'd rather be a farmer, or tend pigs.
Tourist.Aleck.
First Student.If he were really to fall—but it's a fake. You believe every lie told you! They all lie. Baedeker lies, too. Yes, your Baedeker lies!
Mary[dismally]. Papa, children, he's beginning to fall.
[The man on the rock shouts something down into the crowd. There is general commotion.(Voices.)"Look, he's falling." Field-glasses are raised; the photographers, violently agitated, click their cameras; the policemen diligently clean the place where he is to fall.]
Photographer.Oh, hang it! What is the matter with me? The devil! When a man's in a hurry—
Second Photographer.Brother, your camera is closed.
Photographer.The devil take it.
Voices.Hush! He's getting ready to fall.—No, he's saying something.—No, he's falling.—Hush!
Unknown Man on the Rock[faintly]. Save me! Save me!
Tourist.Ah, poor young man. Mary, Jimmie, there's a tragedy for you. The sky is clear, the weather is beautiful, and has he to fall and be shattered to death? Can you realize how dreadful that is, Aleck?
Student[wearily]. Yes, I can realize it.
Tourist.Mary, can you realize it? Imagine. There is the sky. There are people enjoying themselves and partaking of refreshments. Everything is so nice and pleasant, and he has to fall. What a tragedy! Do you remember Hamlet?
Second Girl[prompting]. Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, of Elsinore.
James.Of Helsingfors, I know. Don't bother me, father!
Mary[dismally]. He dreamed about garçons all night long.
Aleck.Why don't you order sandwiches, father.
Comb-Vender[mysteriously]. Tortoise-shell. Genuine tortoise-shell.
Tourist[credulously]. Stolen?
Vendor.Why, sir, the idea!
Tourist[angrily]. Do you mean to tell me it's genuine if it isn't stolen? Go on. Not much.
Military Woman[amiably]. Are all these your children?
Tourist.Yes, madam. A father's duty. You see, they are protesting. It is the eternal conflict between fathers and children. Here is such a tragedy going on, such a heart-rending tragedy—Mary, you are blinking your eyes again.
Military Woman.You are quite right. Children must be hardened to things. But why do you call this a terrible tragedy? Every roofer, when he falls, falls from a great height. But this here—what is it? A hundred, two hundred feet. I saw a man fall plumb from the sky.
Tourist[overwhelmed]. You don't say?
Aleck.Children, listen. Plumb from the sky.
Military Woman.Yes, yes. I saw an aëronaut drop from the clouds and go crash upon an iron roof.
Tourist.How terrible!
Military Woman.That's what I call a tragedy. It took two hours to bring me back to consciousness, and all that time they pumped water on me, the scoundrels. I was nearly drowned. From that day on I never step out of the door without taking spirits of ammonia with me.
[Enter a strolling troop of Italian singers and musicians: a short, fat tenor, with a reddish beard and large, watery, stupidly dreamy eyes, singing with extraordinary sweetness; a skinny humpback with a jockey cap, and a screeching baritone; a bass who is also a mandolinist, looking like a bandit; a girl with a violin, closing her eyes when she plays, so that only the whites are seen. They take their stand and begin to sing: "Sul mare lucica—Santa Lucia, Santa Lucia—"]
Mary[dismally]. Papa, children, look. He is beginning to wave his hands.
Tourist.Is that the effect the music has upon him?
Military Woman.Quite possible. Music usually goes with such things. But that'll make him fall sooner than he should. Musicians, go away from here! Go!
[A tall tourist, with up-curled mustache, violently gesticulating, enters, followed by a small group attracted by curiosity.]
Tall Tourist.It's scandalous. Why don't they save him? Ladies and gentlemen, you all heard him shout: "Save me." Didn't you?
The Curious[in chorus]. Yes, yes, we heard him.
Tall Tourist.There you are. I distinctly heard these words: "Save me! Why don't they save me?" It's scandalous. Policemen, policemen! Why don't you save him? What are you doing there?
Policemen.We are cleaning up the place for him to fall.
Tall Tourist.That's a sensible thing to do, too. But why don't you save him? You ought to save him. If a man asks you to save him, it is absolutely essential to save him. Isn't it so, ladies and gentlemen?
The Curious[in chorus]. True, absolutely true. It is essential to save him.
Tall Tourist[with heat]. We are not heathens, we are Christians. We should love our neighbors. When a man asks to be saved every measure which the government has at its command should be taken to save him. Policemen, have you taken every measure?
Policeman.Every one!
Tall Tourist.Every one without exception? Gentleman, every measure has been taken. Listen, young man, every measure has been taken to save you. Did you hear?
Unknown Man[in a scarcely audible voice]. Save me!
Tall Tourist[excitedly]. Gentlemen, did you hear? He again asked to be saved. Policemen, did you hear?
One of the Curious[timidly]. It is my opinion that it is absolutely necessary to save him.
Tall Tourist.That's right. Exactly. Why, that's what I have been saying for the last two hours. Policemen, do you hear? It is scandalous.
One of the Curious[a little bolder]. It is my opinion that an appeal should be made to the highest authority.
The Rest[in chorus]. Yes, yes, a complaint should be made. It is scandalous. The government ought not to leave any of its citizens in danger. We all pay taxes. He must be saved.
Tall Tourist.Didn't I say so? Of course we must put up a complaint. Young man! Listen, young man. Do you pay taxes? What? I can't hear.
Tourist.Jimmie, Katie, listen! What a tragedy! Ah, the poor young man! He is soon to fall and they ask him to pay a domiciliary tax.
Kate[the girl with glasses, pedantically]. That can hardly be called a domicile, father. The meaning of domicile is—
James[pinching her]. Lickspittle.
Mary[wearily]. Papa, children, look! He's again beginning to fall.
[There is excitement in the crowd, and again a bustling and shouting among the photographers.]
Tall Tourist.We must hurry, ladies and gentlemen. He must be saved at any cost. Who's going with me?
The Curious[in chorus]. We are all going! We are all going?
Tall Tourist.Policemen, did you hear? Come, ladies and gentlemen!
[They depart, fiercely gesticulating. The café grows more lively. The sound of clinking beer glasses and the clatter of steins is heard, and the beginning of a loud German song. The bartender, who has forgotten himself while talking to somebody, starts suddenly and runs off, looks up to the sky with a hopeless air and wipes the perspiration from his face with his napkin. Angry calls of Waiter! Waiter!]
Unknown Man[rather loudly]. Can you let me have some soda water?
[The waiter is startled, looks at the sky, glances at the man on the rock, and pretending not to have heard him, walks away.]
Many Voices.Waiter! Beer!
Waiter.One moment, one moment!
[Two drunken men come out from the café.]
Lady.Ah, there is my husband. Come here quick.
Military Woman.A downright brute.
Drunken Man[waving his hand to the unknown man]. Say, is it very bad up there? Hey?
Unknown Man[rather loudly]. Yes, it's bad. I am sick and tired of it.
Drunken Man.Can't you get a drink?
Unknown Man.No, how can I?
Second Drunken Man.Say, what are you talking about? How can he get a drink? The man is about to die and you tempt him and try to get him excited. Listen, up there, we have been drinking your health right along. It won't hurt you, will it?
First Drunken Man.Ah, go on! What are you talking about? How can it hurt him? Why, it will only do him good. It will encourage him. Listen, honest to God, we are very sorry for you, but don't mind us. We are going to the café to have another drink. Good-by.
Second Drunken Man.Look, what a crowd.
First Drunken Man.Come, or he'll fall and then they'll close the café.
[Enter a new crowd of tourists, a very elegant gentleman, the chief correspondent of European newspapers at their head. He is followed by an ecstatic whisper of respect and admiration. Many leave the café to look at him, and even the waiter turns slightly around, glances at him quickly, smiles happily and continues on his way, spilling something from his tray.]
Voices.The correspondent! The correspondent! Look!
Lady.Oh, my, and my husband is gone again!
Tourist.Jimmie, Mary, Aleck, Katie, Charlie, look! This is the chief correspondent. Do you realize it? The very highest of all. Whatever he writes goes.
Kate.Mary, dear, again you are not looking.
Aleck.I wish you would order some sandwiches for us. I can't stand it any longer. A human being has to eat.
Tourist[ecstatically]. What a tragedy! Katie, dear, can you realize it? Consider how awful. The weather is so beautiful, and the chief correspondent. Take out your note-book, Jimmie.
James.I lost it, father.
Correspondent.Where is he?
Voices[obligingly]. There, there he is. There! A little higher. Still higher! A little lower! No, higher!
Correspondent.If you please, if you please, ladies and gentlemen, I will find him myself. Oh, yes, there he is. Hm! What a situation!
Tourist.Won't you have a chair?
Correspondent.Thank you. [Sits down.] Hm! What a situation! Very interesting. Very interesting, indeed! [Whisks out his note-book; amiably to the photographers.] Have you taken any pictures yet, gentlemen?
First Photographer.Yes, sir, certainly, certainly. We have photographed the place showing the general character of the locality—
Second Photographer.The tragic situation of the young man—
Correspondent.Ye-es, very, very interesting.
Tourist.Did you hear, Aleck? This smart man, the chief correspondent, says it's interesting, and you keep bothering about sandwiches. Dunce!
Aleck.May be he has had his dinner already.
Correspondent.Ladies and gentlemen, I beg you to be quiet.
Obliging Voices.It is quieter in the café.
Correspondent[shouts to the unknown man]. Permit me to introduce myself. I am the chief correspondent of the European press. I have been sent here at the special request of the editors. I should like to ask you several questions concerning your situation. What is your name? What is your general position? How old are you? [The unknown man mumbles something.]
Correspondent[a little puzzled]. I can't hear a thing. Has he been that way all the time?
Voice.Yes, it's impossible to hear a word he says.
Correspondent[jotting down something in his note-book]. Fine! Are you a bachelor? [The unknown man mumbles.]
Correspondent.I can't hear you. Are you married? Yes?
Tourist.He said he was a bachelor.
Second Tourist.No, he didn't. Of course, he's married.
Correspondent[carelessly]. You think so? All right. We'll put down, married. How many children have you? Can't hear. It seems to me he said three. Hm! Anyway, we'll put down five.
Tourist.Oh, my, what a tragedy. Five children! Imagine!
Military Woman.He is lying.
Correspondent[shouting]. How did you get into this position? What? I can't hear? Louder! Repeat. What did you say? [Perplexed, to the crowd.] What did he say? The fellow has a devilishly weak voice.
First Tourist.It seems to me he said that he lost his way.
Second Tourist.No, he doesn't know himself how he got there.
Voices.He was out hunting.—He was climbing up the rocks.—No, no! He is simply a lunatic!
Correspondent.I beg your pardon, I beg your pardon, ladies and gentlemen! Anyway, he didn't drop from the sky. However—[He quickly jots down in his note-book.] Unhappy young man—suffering from childhood with attacks of lunacy.—The bright light of the full moon—the wild rocks.—Sleepy janitor—didn't notice—
First Tourist[to the second, in a whisper]. But it's a new moon now.
Second Tourist.Go, what does a layman know about astronomy.
Tourist[ecstatically]. Mary, pay attention to this! You have before you an ocular demonstration of the influence of the moon on living organisms. What a terrible tragedy to go out walking on a moonlit night and find suddenly that you have climbed to a place where it is impossible to climb down or be taken down.
Correspondent[shouting]. What feelings are you experiencing? I can't hear. Louder! Ah, so? Well, well! What a situation!
Crowd[interested]. Listen, listen! Let's hear what his feelings are. How terrible!
Correspondent[writes in his note-book, tossing out detached remarks]. Mortal terror, numbs his limbs.—A cold shiver goes down his spinal column.—No hope.—Before his mental vision rises a picture of family bliss: Wife making sandwiches; his five children innocently lisping their love.—Grandma in the armchair with a tube to her ear, that is, grandpa in the arm-chair, with a tube to his ear and grandma.—Deeply moved by the sympathy of the public.—His last wish before his death that the words he uttered with his last breath should be published in our newspapers—
Military Woman[indignantly]. My! He lies like a salesman.
Mary[wearily]. Papa, children, look, he is starting to fall again.
Tourist[angrily]. Don't bother me. Such a tragedy is unfolding itself right before your very eyes—and you—What are you making such big eyes for again?
Correspondent[shouting]. Hold on fast. That's it! My last question: What message do you wish to leave for your fellow citizens before you depart for the better world?
Unknown Man.That they may all go to the devil.
Correspondent.What? Hm, yes—[He writes quickly.] Ardent love—is a stanch opponent of the law granting equal rights to negroes. His last words: "Let the black niggers—"
Pastor[out of breath, pushing through the crowd]. Where is he? Ah, where is he? Ah, there! Poor young man. Has there been no clergyman here yet? No? Thank you. Am I the first?
Correspondent[writes]. A touching dramatic moment.—A minister has arrived.—All are trembling on the verge of suspense. Many are shedding tears—
Pastor.Excuse me, excuse me! Ladies and gentlemen, a lost soul wishes to make its peace with God—[He shouts.] My son, don't you wish to make your peace with God? Confess your sins to me. I will grant you remission at once! What? I cannot hear?
Correspondent[writes]. The air is shaken with the people's groans. The minister of the church exhorts the criminal, that is, the unfortunate man, in touching language.—The unfortunate creature with tears in his eyes thanks him in a faint voice—
Unknown Man[faintly]. If you won't go away I will jump on your head. I weigh three hundred pounds. [All jump away frightened behind each other.]
Voices.He is falling! He is falling!
Tourist[agitatedly]. Mary, Aleck, Jimmie.
Policeman[energetically]. Clear the place, please! Move on!
Lady.Nellie, go quick and tell your father he is falling.
Photographer[in despair]. Oh my, I am out of films [tosses madly about, looking pitifully at the unknown man]. One minute, I'll go and get them. I have some in my overcoat pocket over there. [He walks a short distance, keeping his eyes fixed on the unknown man, and then returns.] I can't, I am afraid I'll miss it. Good heavens! They are over there in my overcoat. Just one minute, please. I'll fetch them right away. What a fix.
Pastor.Hurry, my friend. Pull yourself together and try to hold out long enough to tell me at least your principal sins. You needn't mention the lesser ones.
Tourist.What a tragedy?
Correspondent[writes]. The criminal, that is, the unhappy man, makes a public confession and does penance. Terrible secrets revealed. He is a bank robber—blew up safes.
Tourist[credulously]. The scoundrel.
Pastor[shouts]. In the first place, have you killed? Secondly, have you stolen? Thirdly, have you committed adultery?
Tourist.Mary, Jimmie, Katie, Aleck, Charlie, close your ears.
Correspondent[writing]. Tremendous excitement in the crowd.—Shouts of indignation.
Pastor[hurriedly]. Fourthly, have you blasphemed? Fifthly, have you coveted your neighbor's ass, his ox, his slave, his wife? Sixthly—
Photographer[alarmed]. Ladies and gentlemen, an ass!
Second Photographer.Where? I can't see it!
Photographer[calmed]. I thought I heard it.
Pastor.I congratulate you, my son! I congratulate you! You have made your peace with God. Now you may rest easy—Oh, God, what do I see? The Salvation Army! Policeman, chase them away!
[Enter a Salvation Army band, men and women in uniforms. There are only three instruments, a drum, a violin and a piercingly shrill trumpet.]
Salvation Army Man[frantically beating his drum and shouting in a nasal voice]. Brethren and sisters—
Pastor[shouting even louder in a still more nasal voice in an effort to drown the other's]. He has already confessed. Bear witness, ladies and gentlemen, that he has confessed and made his peace with heaven.
Salvation Army Woman[climbing on a rock and shrieking]. I once wandered in the dark just as this sinner and I lived a bad life and was a drunkard, but when the light of truth—
A Voice.Why, she is drunk now.
Pastor.Policeman, didn't he confess and make his peace with heaven?
[The Salvation Army man continues to beat his drum frantically; the rest begin to drawl a song. Shouts, laughter, whistling. Singing in the café, and calls of "Waiter!" in all languages. The bewildered policemen tear themselves away from the pastor, who is pulling them somewhere; the photographers turn and twist about as if the seats were burning under them. An English lady comes riding in on a donkey, who, stopping suddenly, sprawls out his legs and refuses to go farther, adding his noise to the rest. Gradually the noise subsides. The Salvation Army band solemnly withdraws, and the pastor, waving his hands, follows them.]
First English Tourist[to the other]. How impolite! This crowd doesn't know how to behave itself.
Second English Tourist.Come, let's go away from here.
First English Tourist.One minute. [He shouts.] Listen, won't you hurry up and fall?
Second English Tourist.What are you saying, Sir William?
First English Tourist[shouting]. Don't you see that's what they are waiting for? As a gentleman you should grant them this pleasure and so escape the humiliation of undergoing tortures before this mob.
Second English Tourist.Sir William.
Tourist[ecstatically]. See? It's true. Aleck, Jimmie, it's true. What a tragedy!
Several Tourists[going for the Englishman]. How dare you?
First English Tourist[shoving them aside]. Hurry up and fall! Do you hear? If you haven't the backbone I'll help you out with a pistol shot.
Voices.That red-haired devil has gone clear out of his mind.
Policeman[seizing the Englishman's hand]. You have no right to do it, it's against the law. I'll arrest you.
Some Tourists.A barbarous nation!
[The unknown man shouts something. Excitement below.]
Voices.Hear, hear, hear!
Unknown Man[aloud]. Take that jackass away to the devil. He wants to shoot me. And tell the boss that I can't stand it any longer.
Voices.What's that? What boss? He is losing his mind, the poor man.
Tourist.Aleck! Mary! This is a mad scene. Jimmie, you remember Hamlet? Quick.
Unknown Man[angrily]. Tell him my spinal column is broken.
Mary[wearily]. Papa, children, he's beginning to kick with his legs.
Kate.Is that what is called convulsions, papa?
Tourist[rapturously]. I don't know. I think it is. What a tragedy?
Aleck[glumly]. You fool! You keep cramming and cramming and you don't know that the right name for that is agony. And you wear eyeglasses, too. I can't bear it any longer, papa.
Tourist.Think of it, children. A man is about to fall down to his death and he is bothering about his spinal column.
[There is a noise. A man in a white vest, very much frightened, enters, almost dragged by angry tourists. He smiles, bows on all sides, stretches out his arms, now running forward as he is pushed, now trying to escape in the crowd, but is seized and pulled again.]
Voices.A bare-faced deception! It is an outrage. Policeman, policeman, he must be taught a lesson!
Other Voices.What is it? What deception? What is it all about? They have caught a thief!
The Man in the White Vest[bowing and smiling]. It's a joke, ladies and gentlemen, a joke, that's all. The people were bored, so I wanted to provide a little amusement for them.
Unknown Man[angrily]. Boss!
The Man in the White Vest.Wait a while, wait a while.
Unknown Man.Do you expect me to stay here until the Second Advent? The agreement was till twelve o'clock. What time is it now?
Tall Tourist[indignantly]. Do you hear, ladies and gentlemen? This scoundrel, this man here in the white vest hired that other scoundrel up there and just simply tied him to the rock.
Voices.Is he tied?
Tall Tourist.Yes, he is tied and he can't fall. We are excited and worrying, but he couldn't fall even if he tried.
Unknown Man.What else do you want? Do you think I am going to break my neck for your measly ten dollars? Boss, I can't stand it any more. One man wanted to shoot me. The pastor preached me for two hours. This is not in the agreement.
Aleck.Father, I told you that Baedeker lies. You believe everything anybody tells you and drag us about without eating.
Man in the White Vest.The people were bored. My only desire was to amuse the people.
Military Woman.What is the matter? I don't understand a thing. Why isn't he going to fall? Who, then, is going to fall?
Tourist.I don't understand a thing either. Of course he's got to fall!
James.You never understand anything, father. Weren't you told that he's tied to the rock?
Aleck.You can't convince him. He loves every Baedeker more than his own children.
James.A nice father!
Tourist.Silence!
Military Woman.What is the matter? He must fall.
Tall Tourist.The idea! What a deception. You'll have to explain this.
Man in the White Vest.The people were bored. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, but wishing to accommodate you—give you a few hours of pleasant excitement—elevate your spirits—inspire you with altruistic sentiments—
Englishman.Is the café yours?
Man in the White Vest.Yes.
Englishman.And is the hotel below also yours?
Gentleman.Yes. The people were bored—
Correspondent[writing]. The proprietor of the café, desiring to increase his profits from the sale of alcoholic beverages, exploits the best human sentiments.—The people's indignation—
Unknown Man[angrily]. Boss, will you have me taken off at once or won't you?
Hotel Keeper.What do you want up there? Aren't you satisfied? Didn't I have you taken off at night?
Unknown Man.Well, I should say so. You think I'd be hanging here nights, too!
Hotel Owner.Then you can stand it a few minutes longer. The people are bored—
Tall Tourist.Say, have you any idea of what you have done? Do you realize the enormity of it? You are scoundrels, who for your own sordid personal ends have impiously exploited the finest human sentiment, love of one's neighbor. You have caused us to undergo fear and suffering. You have poisoned our hearts with pity. And now, what is the upshot of it all? The upshot is that this scamp, your vile accomplice, is bound to the rock and not only will he not fall as everybody expects, but hecan't.
Military Woman.What is the matter? He has got to fall.
Tourist.Policeman! Policeman!
[The pastor enters, out of breath.]
Pastor.What? Is he still living? Oh, there he is! What fakirs those Salvationists are.