CHAPTER XXXIV.EVERARD AND ROSSIE.
The voice which said “Come in” did not sound like Rossie’s at all, nor did the little girl sitting in the chair look much like the Rossie he had last seen, flushed with health and happiness, and the light of a great joy shining in the eyes which now turned so eagerly toward him as he came in. On the stairs outside there was the rustling of skirts, and he heard it, and involuntarily slid the bolt of the door, and then swiftly crossed to where Rossie’s face was upturned to his with a smile of welcome, and Rossie’s hands were both outstretched to him as she said:
“Oh, Mr. Everard, I am glad you have come; we have wanted you so much.”
He had thought she would meet him with coldness and scorn for his weakness and duplicity, and he was prepared for that, but not for this; and forgetting himself utterly for the moment, he took the offered hands and held them tightly in his own, until she released them from him and motioned him to a seat opposite her, where he could look into her face, which, now that he saw it more closely, had on it such a grieved, disappointed expression that he cried out:
“Kill me, Rossie, if you will! but don’t look at me that way, for I cannot bear it. I know what I’ve done and what I am, better than you do.”
Here he paused, and Rossie said:
“I am sorry, Everard, that you did not tell me long ago, when it first happened. Four years and more, she says. I’ve been thinking it over, and it must have been that time you came home when your mother died and you were so sick afterward. You were married then.”
How quietly and naturally she spoke the words “married then,” as if it was nothing to her that he was marriedthenornow, but the hot blood flamed up for a moment in her face and then left it whiter than before, as Everard replied:
“Yes, if that can be called a marriage which was a mere farce, and has brought nothing but bitter humiliation to me, and been the cause of my ruin. I wish that day had been blotted from my existence.”
“Hush, Everard,” Rossie said. “You must not talk that way, and your wife here in the house waiting for you. I have not seen her yet, but they tell me she is very beautiful.”
“Yes, with that cursed beauty which lures men, or rather fools, to their destruction; and I was a fool!” Everard answered, bitterly,—“an idiot, who thought myself in love. Don’t call her my wife, Rossie. She has never been that; never will be. But I did not come here to abuse her. I came to tell you the whole truth at last, as I ought to have told it years ago, when my mother was on her death-bed. I tried to tell her, but I could not. I made a beginning by showing her Josephine’s picture, which she did not like. The face was pretty, she said, but not the face of a true, refined woman, but rather of one who wore dollar jewelry,” andhere Everard laughed sarcastically as he went on; “then I showed the picture to Bee, who said she looked as if she might wear cotton lace. But you, Rossie, said the hardest thing of all, and decided me finally not to tell, for I had almost made up my mind to make you my confidante.”
“I, Everard? I decided you? You must be mistaken. When was it, Everard?” Rossie exclaimed, her eyes growing very large and bright in her excitement.
“Do you remember I once showed you a picture of a young girl?” Everard said. “You were watering flowers in the garden; and you said she was very beautiful, but suggested that the jewelry, of which there was a superfluity on her neck and arms, might be a sham, and said she looked like asham, too. How could I tell you after that, that she was my wife? I couldn’t, and I kept it to myself; and mother died, and I went crazy, and you cut off your hair and sold it to pay what you believed to be a gambling debt, and you wrote to Joe Fleming, and I did not open my lips to undeceive you.
“I will have my say out,” he continued, fiercely, as Rossie put up her hands to stop him; “I deserve a good cudgeling, and I’ll give it to myself, for no one knows as well as I do just what a sneaking coward I have been all these years, when you have been believing in me and keeping me from going to the——. No, I won’t swear; at least before you, who have been my good angel ever since you knew enough to chide me for my faults. Oh, Rossie! what would I give to be put back to those old days when I was comparatively innocent, and you, in your cape sun-bonnet and long-sleeved aprons, were the dearest, sweetest little girl in all the world, just as you are now. I will say it, though I am killing you, I know, and I am almost wicked enough not to care, for I would rather there were no Rossie in this world than to know she lived to hate and despise me.”
“No, Everard, never that, never!” and Rossie again stretched toward him her pale little hands, which he seized and held while he told her rapidly the whole story of his marriage, beginning at the time he first saw Josey Fleming and went to board with her mother.
One item, however, he withheld. He did not tell her that it was her half-brother who had married him, nordid he give the name of the clergyman. He would spare her all pain in that direction, if possible, and let her think as well as she could of the brother she could scarcely remember, and who, she believed, must be dead, or he would ere this have manifested some interest in her.
Of Josephine he spoke very plainly, and though he did not exaggerate her faults, he showed conclusively, in what he said, that his love for her had long since died out, and he went on from one fact to another so rapidly that Rossie felt stunned and bewildered and begged him to stop. But he would not. She must hear him through, he said, and at the close of his story she looked so white and tired that he bent over her in alarm, chafing her cold hands and asking what he could do for her.
“Nothing but to leave me now,” she said. “I have heard so much and borne so much that none of it seems real. There’s a buzzing in my head, and I believe I’m going to faint again, or die. How could you do all this, and I trusted you so?—and, oh, Everard, where are you? It grows so dark and black, and I’m so sick and faint,” and with a sobbing, hysterical cry, Rossie involuntarily let her tired, aching head fall upon the arm which held it so gladly, and which fain would have kept it there forever.
Rossie did not faint quite away, as she had done when the news of Everard’s marriage reached her, but she lay still and helpless in Everard’s arms until she felt his hot kisses upon her forehead, and that roused her at once. He had no right to kiss her, she no right to suffer it, and she drew herself away from him to the safe shelter of her pillows, as she said, with her old childish manner:
“Everard, you must not kiss me like that. It is too late. Such things are over between us now.”
She seemed to accept the fact that he loved her, and though the love was hopeless, and, turn which way she would, there was no brightness in the future, the knowledge of what might have been was in one sense very sweet to her, and the face which Everard took between his hands and looked earnestly into, while his lips quivered and his eyes were full of tears, seemed to him like the face of an angel.
“Heaven pity me, Rossie,” he said. “Heaven pity us both for this which lies between us.” There was a knock outside the door and a voice Rossie had never heard before, said:
“Miss Hastings, if my husband is with you, tell him his wife will be glad to see him when he can tear himself away. I have waited an hour, and surely I may claim my own now.”
There was an unmistakable coarseness of meaning in the words which brought the hot blood to Rossie’s cheeks, but Everard was pale as death, as, with a muttered execration, he stepped back from Rossie, who said:
“Yes, go, Everard. She is right. Her claim is first. Say I am sorry I kept you. Go, and when I have thought it all out I’ll send for you, but don’t come till I do.”
She motioned him to leave her, and with the look of one going to the rack, he obeyed, and unbolting the door, went out, shutting it quickly behind him, and thus giving the woman outside no chance for more than a glance at the white-faced little girl, of whose personal appearance no impression could be formed.