[Voice outside: Sydenham Hill!Train stops].
[Voice outside: Sydenham Hill!Train stops].
Mrs Jennings[jumping up]. Oh, look! look!
Duke.What is it this time?
Mrs Jennings[pointing]. Don't you see?
Duke.I see the Crystal Palace again. Is it still that?
Mrs Jennings.Of course. And here you get another view of it. You see that bulge in the roof?
Duke.Oh, yes; you mean the dome—
Mrs Jennings.Well, whatever it's called, there's where the restaurant is. Oh, it does shine, doesn't it? Oh, what a place, isn't it? I do love seeing it.
[Loud whistle: train moves].
[Loud whistle: train moves].
There now we don't see it again till we get to Beckenham.
Duke.What a pity! I get out at Penge.
Mrs Jennings.Look here, my good friend, I'll give you a word of advice. It isn't my business, I daresay, but if I were you, I don't think I'd try for the Princess Blakowska.
Duke[embarrassed]. Try—for her?
Mrs Jennings.I don't think it's a situation you'd like.
Duke.A situation I should like!
Mrs Jennings.At least, I know it's a situation other people haven't liked.
Duke.Other people!
Mrs Jennings.Oh, dear me, yes! She's always changing!
Duke.Always changing!
Mrs Jennings.Always. You know your own business best, of course, but there's a word to the wise for you, if you choose to take it. After all, these things are always a gamble, one never knows how they will turn out.
Duke[bewildered]. A gamble?
Mrs Jennings.I'm embarked on the same sort of adventure myself—I'm going for the Duke of Peckham Rye.
Duke[bounding from his seat]. What, madam?
Mrs Jennings.I daresay it won't be an altogether easy job. They say he's a queer customer sometimes.
Duke.Queer customer!
Mrs Jennings.Yes, very.
Duke.I wonder what else they say about him!
Mrs Jennings.Oh, they say he's rather a fogey, of course.
Duke.A fogey!
Mrs Jennings.And very fond of the ladies.
Duke[pleased]. Oh, is he?
Mrs Jennings.And that he can't be five minutes with one without making himself agreeable to her.
Duke.Well, I don't call that a fault.
Mrs Jennings.No, I daresay not, but I know nothing about that, of course, as my relations with him have been entirely on a business footing.
Duke.Your relations with him?
Mrs Jennings.Yes, we have been exchanging letters for the last week.
Duke.Exchanging letters for the last week! [With a sudden idea—aside]. Ha! can it be that—no—it is not possible!
Mrs Jennings.You'd never guess what subject he's been corresponding with me about—not quite the sort of thing you'd expect from a Duke.
Duke[aside]. I really believe it is! [Aloud] Can it be the subject we were speaking about just now? Is it—
Mrs Jennings.Cooking? Yes, it is! Now what do you think of that for the Duke of Peckham Rye?
Duke.Madam, [with emotion] your words almost convince me that what I have been expecting is a certainty—yes, I have guessed your secret!
Mrs Jennings[amazed]. My secret. [With an idea]. Oh, you have guessed that what you are trying for, I am very near to?
Duke[bewildered]. What I am trying for?
Mrs Jennings.Well, then, to speak plainly—Princess Blakowska.
Duke[excited]. Ah! You admit how nearly the mention of that name has touched you.
Mrs Jennings.What's the use of denying it?
Duke.No good! It would be useless, for my heart tells me too surely that I am right.
Mrs Jennings.Your heart! What's that got to do with it?
Duke.From the moment you spoke, I was interested in you. It began to dawn on me who you were—you spoke of being abroad in foreign watering places—interested in cookery. A wild thought darted into my mind, but I hardly dared to hope. [Mrs Jenningsalarmed]. Then you told me of your correspondence with the Duke, and my heart filled with delight.
Mrs Jennings[alarmed, aside]. The man is mad, I do believe!
Duke.Now I know that you are she whom I have been seeking! Oh, what unlooked for happiness! You are the Princess Blakowska!
Mrs Jennings.I, the Princess Blakowska!
Duke.Yes, I have discovered your secret—don't try to conceal it any more.
Mrs Jennings[terrified, looks at him]. Oh!
Duke.You are, aren't you? Oh, say I am right!
Mrs Jennings[humouring—heartily]. Of course, yes, of course! I am the Princess Blakowska.
Duke.Oh, what unlooked for good fortune! That after thinking of you, dreaming of you, going across London to seek you in vain, Providence should bring us together!
Mrs Jennings[aside]. This is horrible! He is quite out of his mind! Oh, what shall I do? Where is the cord of communication with the guard! Outside that window probably! [Aloud]. I feel a little faint—I should like to have some air. [Goes to window].
Duke.Oh, pray let me!
Mrs Jennings.No, thank you! I would rather do it myself!
[Goes to window,Dukestanding too].
[Goes to window,Dukestanding too].
Duke.Do let me!
Mrs Jennings.No, no, I tell you. [Puts her hand out, gropes wildly about]. Nothing! [Tries to shut window].
Duke.Now, really, you must let me do that for you.
Mrs Jennings[returning quickly to her seat, aside]. They're so fearfully strong at times!
Duke[struggling]. This is certainly a stiff window.
Mrs Jennings.Oh, where can that cord be? [Sees a printed notice—reads it]. No, the story of a man who was fined forty shillings for travelling in the wrong class. I shall have to pay £2 for travelling with a madman!
Duke.At last!
[Comes back and sits besideMrs Jennings.She jumps intoDuke'sseat opposite].
[Comes back and sits besideMrs Jennings.She jumps intoDuke'sseat opposite].
Duke[smiling tenderly]. And now, dear Princess, that I know your name, will you not try and guess mine?
Mrs Jennings[aside]. This is positively awful! It's like a fairy tale. He'll eat me if I don't guess right.
Duke.Can't you guess?
Mrs Jennings.Well, I'm not sure!
Duke.It is a name which is not unknown.
Mrs Jennings[pretending to have an idea]. I have it; you are a dethroned king!
Duke[disappointed]. No—you are laughing at me—I am not a king.
Mrs Jennings.Oh, well—you are a Duke, then!
Duke.A Duke, yes!
Mrs Jennings[aside]. Lucky shot!
Duke.Is it possible you can still doubt who I am, after the letters we have exchanged? [Mrs Jenningsbewildered]. I am the Duke of Peckham Rye!
Mrs Jennings[humouring him]. Oh, indeed, yes! The Duke of Peckham Rye! Very nice, indeed!
Duke[aside]. How curiously she takes it! She doesn't seem a bit interested. [Aloud]. I hoped, madam, after what had passed between us, that you would, perhaps, not be sorry that we should meet.
Mrs Jennings.Of course, yes—I am delighted to make your acquaintance.
Duke.Shall I confess to you with what a subtle mysterious charm my fancy had already, and rightly, invested you? The very paper on which your letters were written, the perfume which clung to them was dear to me.
Mrs Jennings[trying to conceal her uneasiness]. Oh, yes, indeed, yes! Most kind of you, I'm sure!
Duke.I have them next my heart—see, here they are!
[Brings out packet of letters, shows her the cover of one].
[Brings out packet of letters, shows her the cover of one].
Mrs Jennings[starts and shrieks]. What—what do I see! Princess Blakowska's hand-writing!
Duke.Your own writing—yes, of course.
Mrs Jennings[agitated]. But tell me—tell me quickly—how did you get that letter?
Duke[surprised]. In the simplest way in the world, since it was addressed to me—my name's on the envelope!
Mrs Jennings[gasping]. What—the Duke of Peckham Rye! It is not possible that you are really! Oh!
Duke[alarmed]. What can be the matter, my dear Princess?
Mrs Jennings.Oh, Princess! Was there ever such a situation as this? It is awful!
Duke[aside]. Upon my word, I believe she is not quite right!
[Mrs Jenningssuddenly bursts into fits of laughter.Dukelooks excessively alarmed.Mrs Jenningshides her face in her hands, rocks backwards and forwards].
Duke[looking at her terrified]. That is the way a maniac laughs for nothing. I wonder if there is a cord. Perhaps, madam, you would like a little air? [Goes to window, lets it down, and feels furtively about outside]. [Sadly]. No, there is nothing.
Mrs Jennings[going into fresh fits of laughter]. It's no use—I've already looked!
Duke[more and more mystified]. You—have—already—looked?
Mrs Jennings.Oh, I must laugh! I do beg your pardon, your Grace, but the whole thing is too extraordinarily absurd. You would never guess for whom I took you!
Duke.For whom did you take me?
Mrs Jennings.First for a commercial traveller—
Duke.A commercial traveller!
Mrs Jennings.And then—and then—oh, it is too dreadful!—for a cook!
Duke.A cook! Me!
Mrs Jennings.Yes, you, your Grace! Did you ever hear anything like it; but, after all, you took me for a Princess.
Duke.But who are you, then? You told me you were the Princess Blakowska.
Mrs Jennings.Yes, but I'm not—I told you that to humour you.
Duke.Upon my word! To humour me?
Mrs Jennings.Yes! Because I thought you were mad.
Duke.And I thoughtyouwere mad. One of us is, certainly!
Mrs Jennings.It isn't me!
Duke.Then why were you laughing in that insane way?
Mrs Jennings[laughing again]. I was laughing to think how surprised you would be if you knew who I was.
Duke.And who are you then? [Impatiently].
Mrs Jennings[hesitating]. Oh, your Grace! you will never forgive me!
Duke.Well, what is it?
Mrs Jennings.Look inside your letter again, your Grace, the one Princess Blakowska wrote to you.
Duke.What is all this mystery about? [Opens letter and reads]. "She will be glad to hear that he has secured the services of an artist like Susan Jennings." Well?
Mrs Jennings.Now, can't you guess who I am? I am not the Princess Blakowska, your Grace, I am not, indeed; and yet—that letter concerns me.
Duke[gasping, looks at her transfixed]. What! Is it possible that you are—
Mrs Jennings.Susan Jennings! Yes! Oh, pray forgive me, it is not my fault that you thought I was the Princess.
Duke.And you're the cook! [Mrs Jenningsbows her head silently]. What a precious fool I've been making of myself. But then why did you pretend you were somebody else? You said you were a first-class passenger.
Mrs Jennings[with dignity]. Excuse me, your Grace! I didn't pretend. I had to come first because I'm on my way to call on your Grace. I'm still withthe Princess at Penge till the end of the week. I went to your house at Grosvenor Gardens, and you were out, and now I am going back. I thought it was more suitable, everything considered, that I shouldn't run the risk of travelling with servants or people of inferior position.
Duke.But my dear Princess—I mean, my dear madam—tut-tut—I mean, my good woman, what do you call yourself?
Mrs Jennings.An artist.
Duke.An artist! Yes, that was what the Princess said.
Mrs Jennings.And, oh, your Grace, Ishouldlike to try those tomatoes for you.
Duke.Those tomatoes! Well, Mrs Jennings, if you are sure you can be discreet and silent, and will reveal to no one what has passed between us to-day—
Mrs Jennings.Oh, the grave is chatty, I do assure you, compared to me.
[Voice outside: Penge!Guardputs his head inside window unseen by them].
[Voice outside: Penge!Guardputs his head inside window unseen by them].
Duke.Very well, then, you may consider yourself engaged.
Mrs Jennings[enraptured]. Engaged! Oh!!
Guard[loud]. Penge! [DukeandMrs Jenningsstart and pick up papers, etc.]. Well, this is a business-like betrothal as ever I see! [Aloud]. This is your station, sir. Better come out and have the rest of the ceremony on the platform.
Duke[getting out]. Look here, my man—none of your insolence!
[Dukegets out loftily].
[Dukegets out loftily].
Mrs Jennings[speaking toGuardat window]. You mustn't speak to him like that; he's the Duke of Peckham Rye.
Guard.Ah, yes, likely! And you're a Member of Parliament, I suppose.Allright!
[He walks a little further away].
[He walks a little further away].
Duke[coming to window—says hesitatingly]. One thing I should like to ask, Mrs Jennings—I believe it is customary—why did you leave Princess Blakowska?
Mrs Jennings[sarcastically]. Why? Well, of course, I left her—with her goings on!
Duke[startled]. What!
[Curtaincomes down quickly as theGuard'swhistle is heard].
[Curtaincomes down quickly as theGuard'swhistle is heard].
TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE
Occasional missing punctuation has been silently added. In a very few instances, "you" was substituted for "your" and vice versa, as required by the context. A missing final "s" was added on a couple of occasions. In one instance, where the same word appeared at the end of one line and the beginning of the next, one of the two was removed.The following substantive changes were made (the first two in KIRSTIN, scene III, the third at the beginning of THE PARACHUTE; they can be identified in the body of the text by a grey dotted underline: