In Nineteen Something: General Sir Ian Jelloid at Home.In Nineteen Something: General Sir Ian Jelloid at Home.
Having picked up this cherished possession for a mere song at a sale near Verdun, the General has now let his country seat, "Shrapnel Park," and says he finds the new abode infinitely cheaper, and not a bit draughty, if you keep the breech closed.
In and Out (I).In and Out (I).
That last half-hour before "going in" to the same trenches for the 200th time.
In and Out (II).In and Out (II).
That first half-hour after "coming out" of those same trenches.
Pushfulness at Plug Street.Pushfulness at Plug Street.
Colonel Ian Jelloid, of the Blobshire Rifles, being an energetic and businesslike man, believes in advertising as an antidote to stagnant warfare.
His Secret Sorrow.His Secret Sorrow.
"I reckon this bloke must 'ave caught 'is face against some of them forts at Verdun!"
The Hard Lines of Communication.The Hard Lines of Communication.
The New Submarine Danger.The New Submarine Danger.
"They'll be torpedoin' us if we stick 'ere much longer, Bill."
War!War!
—As it is for most of us.
A Matter of Moment.A Matter of Moment.
"What was that, Bill?"
"Trench mortar."
"Ours or theirs?"
The Saint.The Saint.
That indiscriminating orb, the moon, gives Private Scattergood a saintly appearance, sadly out of keeping with his thoughts. He's filling 100 sandbags at 11 p.m.
Those Tubular Trenches.Those Tubular Trenches.
"Is this right for 'eadquarters?"
"Yes, change at Oxford Circus."
"We Look Before——And After.""We Look Before——And After."
Con Moto Perpetuo.Con Moto Perpetuo.
"Our Bert" (going on leave—having asked a question, and having listened to three minutes' unintelligible eloquence): "And 'ow does the chorus go?"
Real Sympathy.Real Sympathy.
"I wish you'd get something for that —— cough of yours. That's the second time you've blown the blinkin' candle out!"
Entanglements.Entanglements.
"Come on, Bert, it's safer in the trenches."
"LEAVE.""LEAVE."
There are times when Private Lightfoot feels absolutely convinced that it's going to be a War of Exhaustion.There are times when Private Lightfoot feels absolutely convinced that it's going to be a War of Exhaustion.
Chat on 'Change.Chat on 'Change.
"You owes me two francs and I owes you one that's got into the lining of me coat; that makes it right, don't it?"
How Dick ManversHow Dick Manvers
Got His Star.Got His Star.
Every familiar feature of the Film is happily caricatured by Captain Bairnsfather in his amusing page of pictures. The hero, the heroine (with smile), the villain, the heavy father, all of the most approved pattern—everything down tothe meticulous inaccuracy characteristic of the American film in matters of detail, is shown with the good-natured sarcasm befitting a master of satire as well as of humour, while the story tells itself with breathless enthusiasm.
The Whip Hand.The Whip Hand.
Private Mulligatawny (the Australian Stock-whip wonder) frequently causes a lot of bother in the enemy's trenches.
Christmas Day: How it dawned for many.Christmas Day: How it dawned for many.
"Under the spreading chestnut tree the village smithy stands.""Under the spreading chestnut tree the village smithy stands."
Augusts Three.Augusts Three.
To each year its type.
Overheard in an Orchard.Overheard in an Orchard.
Said the Apple to the Plum: "Well, anyway, old man, they can never ask us what we did in the great war!"
Tips for Tommies.Tips for Tommies.
Now that the war has become a world business, we must at any moment expect the appearance of this sort of thing in our papers.
The Offensive.The Offensive.
What it looks like—and what it feels like.
"The Imminent, Deadly Breach.""The Imminent, Deadly Breach."
"Mind you don't fall through the seat of yer trousers, 'Arry!"
Telepathy.Telepathy.
"Two minds with but a single thought."
Trouville-sur-Somme.Trouville-sur-Somme.
"Tell 'er to 'op it, Bert. I'm sittin' on a bit o' shell or somethin'."
Omar the Optimist.Omar the Optimist.
"Here with a loaf of bread beneath the row,A muttered curse, but ne'er a whine, and thou—Beside me, singing in the wilderness,The wilderness is Paradise enow."
"Where do yer want this put, Sargint?""Where do yer want this put, Sargint?"
Coming to the Point.Coming to the Point.
"Let's 'ave this pin of yours a minute. I'll soon 'ave these winkles out of 'ere."
A Castle in the Air.A Castle in the Air.
"A few more, Bert, and that there château won't be worth livin' in."
The Freedom of the Seas.The Freedom of the Seas.
"I wish they'd 'old this war in England—don't you, Bill?" (No answer.)
In Dixie-Land.In Dixie-Land.
"Well, Friday—'ow's Crusoe?"
Alas! Poor Herr Von Yorick!Alas! Poor Herr Von Yorick!
Fricourt—July, 1916.
Those Signals.Those Signals.
THE VIGILANT ONE: "I say, old chap, what does two green lights and one red one mean?"
RECUMBENT GLADIATOR (just back from leave): "Two crêmes de menthe and a cherry brandy!"
His Christmas Goose.His Christmas Goose.
"You wait till I comes off dooty!"
Urgent.Urgent.
"Quick, afore this comes down!"
My Hat!My Hat!
Helmets, Shrapnel, One.
The Candid Friend.The Candid Friend.
"Well, yer know, I like the photo of you in your gas mask best."
The Long and the Short of It.The Long and the Short of It.
Up Last Draft: "I suppose you 'as to be careful 'ow you looks over the parapet about 'ere."
Out since Mons: "You needn't worry, me lad; the rats are going to be your only trouble."
"Old Moore" at the Front."Old Moore" at the Front.
"As far as I can make out from this 'ere prophecy-book, Bill, the seventh year is going to be the worst, and after that every fourteenth!"
Supra-Normal.Supra-Normal.
Captain Mills-Bomme's temperature cracks the thermometer on seeing his recent daring exploits described as "On our right there is nothing to report."
(He and his battalion had merely occupied three lines of German trenches, and held them through a storm of heavy Lyddite for forty-eight hours.)
Tactical Developments.Tactical Developments.
Private 9998 Blobs has always thought a machine for imitating the sound of ration parties (and thus drawing fire) an excellent idea, but simply hates his evening for working it.
That "Out Wiring" Sensation.That "Out Wiring" Sensation.
Natural History of the WarNatural History of the War
The Flanders Sea Lion (Leo Maritimus).
"An almost extinct amphibian, first discovered in Flanders during the Winter of 1914-15. Feeds almost exclusively on Plum and Apple Jam and Rum. Only savage when the latter is knocked off."
Things that Irritate.Things that Irritate.
Private Wm. Jones is not half so annoyed at accidentally falling down the mine crater as he is at hearing two friends murmuring the first verse of "Don't go down the mine, Daddy."
Still Keeping His Hand In.Still Keeping His Hand In.
Private Smith (late Shinio, the popular juggler) appreciably lowers the protective value of his section's shrapnel helmets by practising his celebrated plate and basin spinning act.
Those —— Mouth-Organs.Those —— Mouth-Organs.
"Keep away from the 'ive, Bert; 'e's goin' to sting yer!"
That Provost-Marshal Feeling.That Provost-Marshal Feeling.
A sensation only to be had at a Base—in other words, a base sensation.
Blighty!
Those Raiders at the Seat of War.Those Raiders at the Seat of War.
"I wish the 'ell you'd put a cork on that blinkin' pin of yours, Bert!"
Romance, 1917.Romance, 1917.
"Darling, every potato that I have is yours" (engaged).
Modern Topography.Modern Topography.
"Well, you see, here's the church and there's the post-office."
"There Was a Young Man of Cologne.""There Was a Young Man of Cologne."
(I've forgotten the rest of the poem, but it's something about "a bomb" and "If only he'd known.")
In the Support Trench.In the Support Trench.
Old Bill has practically decided to get Private Shinio (the ex-comedy-juggler and hand-balancer) transferred to another platoon.
It's the Little Things that Worry.It's the Little Things that Worry.
What is so particularly annoying to Private Lovebird is, that he would not have had this bother with his dug-out if his leave had not been postponed.
That Periscope Sensation.That Periscope Sensation.
"I wonder if I oughtn't to tell the captain about that thing sticking up in the sea over there."
At the Brewery Baths.At the Brewery Baths.
"You chuck another sardine at me, my lad, and you'll hear from my solicitors."
A Miner Success.A Miner Success.
"They must 'ave 'ad some good news or somethin', Alf; you can 'ear 'em cheerin' quite plain."
Birds of Ill Omen.Birds of Ill Omen.
"There's evidently goin' to be an offensive around 'ere, Bert."
If Only They'd Make "Old Bill" President of Those Tribunals.If Only They'd Make "Old Bill" President of Those Tribunals.
"Well, what's your job, me lad?""Making spots for rocking-horses, sir.""Three months.""Exemption, sir?""Nao, exemption be ——d! Three months' hard!"
The Stargazers.The Stargazers.
—and their return to earth.
Down at the Ration Dump.Down at the Ration Dump.
"Call me a Tank again, my lad, and I'll knock yer —— 'ead off!"
The Glorious Fifth.The Glorious Fifth.
"'Ere, Guy Fawkes—buzz off!"
Cox's.Cox's.
When one feels rather in favour of floating a War Loan of one's own.
This Muddy War.This Muddy War.
"These 'ere staff cars do splash a lot, don't they, Bill?" (No answer.)
Unappetising.Unappetising.
Moments when the Savoy, the Alhambra, and the Piccadilly Grill seem very far away (the offensive starts in half an hour).
That "Leave" Train.That "Leave" Train.
Other Times——Other Manners.Other Times——Other Manners.
The Tourists, 19..?The Tourists, 19..?
"Remember this place, Bert?"
"Yes, it's where we used to chuck the fish to you, ain't it, Bill?"
Alas! My poor Brother!Alas! My poor Brother!
(In this cartoon Captain Bairnsfather refers to the report that the corpses of German soldiers fallen in battle were utilised in a Corpse-Conversion Factory for the purpose of providing fats for the Fatherland.)
Can-Tank-erous.Can-Tank-erous.
"'Ere! Where the 'ell are ye comin' with that Turkish bath o' yours?"
Curfew.Curfew.
What particularly annoys Lieutenant Jones, R.F.A. (who thought he could get a better view from the belfry), is that irritating prediction which keeps passing through his head, "The curfew shall not ring to-night."
On the "Leave" Train.On the "Leave" Train.
You will never quite realise how closely we are bound to our French Ally until you have had the good fortune to travel on one of those "leave" trains—six a side, windows shut, fifty miles to go, and eighteen hours to do it!
Getting the Local Colour.Getting the Local Colour.
In that rare and elusive period known as "Leave" it is necessary to reconstruct the "Atmosphere" of the front as far as possible in order to produce the weekly "Fragment."
The Ghost of Dead Pig Farm—19..?The Ghost of Dead Pig Farm—19..?
At midnight, an indignant, husky voice is heard to say: "B—— these blinkin' sandbags."
George versus Germany.George versus Germany.
Should Mr. Robey be at any time called upon to go to the Front, he must be careful how he does this: "I'm surprised at you, Ludendorff!"
A Puzzle for Paderewski.A Puzzle for Paderewski.
"It's a pity Alf ain't 'ere, Bert; 'e can play the piana wonderful."
"Substitutes" in the Field."Substitutes" in the Field.
"I thought you said your uncle was a sending you an umbrella."
Leave.Leave.
Dep.: Paddington 2.15. Arr. Home 4.
ROLLS-DAIMLER, 1917.ROLLS-DAIMLER, 1917.—Four-seated Coupé body (très coupé). Hardly been used, beautifully finished (almost completely). One dickey seat (verydickey), detachable rims (two already detached). Only driven 10 miles (Albert to Gommecourt). Excellent shock absorber (has absorbed any amount). In exceptional condition. £650 (or good bath chair). BARGAIN.—Captain Somepush, No. 2, Red Cross, Rouen.
ROLLS-DAIMLER, 1917.
ROLLS-DAIMLER, 1917.—Four-seated Coupé body (très coupé). Hardly been used, beautifully finished (almost completely). One dickey seat (verydickey), detachable rims (two already detached). Only driven 10 miles (Albert to Gommecourt). Excellent shock absorber (has absorbed any amount). In exceptional condition. £650 (or good bath chair). BARGAIN.—Captain Somepush, No. 2, Red Cross, Rouen.
Merely a Warning.Merely a Warning.
To those who may be contemplating picking up a Government car cheaply after the war. Insist on seeing photograph. Don't be satisfied by just reading the advertisements.
Transcriber's Notes:With the three noted exceptions, punctuation anomalies were retained to match the original drawings. The exceptions are in the books printed explanations, not in any cartoon.Page5, period added to illustration caption ("Jack Johnson" shell.)Page112, single opening quote changed to double. ("You wait till I)Page125, period added to title of picture to match rest of format (That Provost-Marshal Feeling.)Pages92 and 97were halves of the same comic. They were reattached to aid readability.
With the three noted exceptions, punctuation anomalies were retained to match the original drawings. The exceptions are in the books printed explanations, not in any cartoon.
Page5, period added to illustration caption ("Jack Johnson" shell.)
Page112, single opening quote changed to double. ("You wait till I)
Page125, period added to title of picture to match rest of format (That Provost-Marshal Feeling.)
Pages92 and 97were halves of the same comic. They were reattached to aid readability.