Mr. W.(with a groan). I know, Ferdinand,Iam. I am what you came to England to look out for, the first felon. Freeze me as quickly as you can, and if you have any sympathy for me, keep me frozen.
(Enter, doorL.,Mrs. Watmuff,Walter,andEmily.Mrs. Watmuffis walking between them, and has an arm round the waist of each.)
Fer.Hullo! Hereisthe body! Now, who on earth has done this?
Mr. W.My wife, alive and well! Aha! Aha! Oh, joy! joy! joy!
Fer.Well, upon my soul, it takes very little to make you happy. What I want to know is—
Mrs. W.Peace, assassin; and you (toMr. Watmuff), malefactor, peace, I say.
Fer.No, but hang it, this is a serious matter to me. It's a direct infringement on my patent. That's what it is. Who brought you round? Sentiment is sentiment,—but damme, justice is justice; and I mean to know who brought you round, and then prosecute him.
Mrs. W.Silence, miscreant. I have not, as you put it, been brought round, because, your vile scheme having been frustrated, I was never rendered insensible. The liquid in your life-destroying phial, Ferdinand Swift, was cast away by these hands, and pure and innocent water took its place.
Fer.Then you never were frozen?
Mrs. W.Only so far as genuine horror can freeze.
Fer.But you went off?
Mrs. W.It was a masquerade—
Mr. W.What! Do you mean to say that you were sensible all the time that—
Mrs. W.I was conscious during the entire period. I was conscious, Mr. Watmuff, when you were gloating and exulting over what you believed to be my lifeless body.
Mr. W.(sinks in chair, and buries his face in his hands). Oh, don't! Spare me! spare me!
Mrs. W.I was conscious, Mr. Watmuff, when you abstracted from my pocket the key of the cellar.
Mr. W.(groaning). Oh, don't! don't!
Mrs. W.I heard you, Mr. Watmuff, express your determination to possess yourself of a duplicate to that key. (Mr. Watmuffgroans.) I heard you descend to the wine vaults, and was conscious of your return with beakers and flagons containing wine. (Mr. Watmuffgroans.) I was conscious of the vile odor of tobacco pervading these rooms, which hitherto I had kept free from such pollution; and, mark this well, Mr. Watmuff, I was more than consciouswhen the smoke from your cigar, ejected from your lips, designedly suffused my countenance.
Mr. W.Oh, this is too much! Ferdinand, do me a kindness. You are on the look-out for some one who does not object to be frozen. In the interests of science, I'm quite prepared to immolate myself. Freeze me, and I'll bless you as long as you keep me frozen.
Mrs. W.(approachingEmilyandWalter). Lastly, I was conscious when these dear ones (embraces them) revealed themselves to me in their true colors, and I learned that it was consistent with my duty to my parents to give them my blessing.
Emily.I need not tell you, papa, how happy this makes me.
Mr. W.I'm very glad, my dear, to know that one member of the family is likely to be happy. Now, Ferdinand, I'm quite ready. Freeze me.
Fer.With pleasure. You will feel one sharp prick in the lobe—
Mrs. W.Hold, hateful trifler with the sacred laws of nature! Is such a man as thatfitto be frozen? I will freeze you when we are alone, sir! Ah, sad it is, when the old must be taught by the young, and that the daughter's lot should be happier than the mother's! (ToEmily.) And yet, my child, I do not grudge you your happiness, and am glad at heart to think that you will have a husband who declined to take part in the diabolical scheme for Freezing his Mother-in-Law.
CURTAIN.