The Project Gutenberg eBook ofFun and NonsenseThis ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online atwww.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.Title: Fun and NonsenseAuthor: Willard BonteRelease date: February 1, 2004 [eBook #11095]Most recently updated: December 23, 2020Language: EnglishCredits: Produced by The Internet Archive Children's Library, David Garcia andthe Online Distributed Proofreading Team.*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FUN AND NONSENSE ***
This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online atwww.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.
Title: Fun and NonsenseAuthor: Willard BonteRelease date: February 1, 2004 [eBook #11095]Most recently updated: December 23, 2020Language: EnglishCredits: Produced by The Internet Archive Children's Library, David Garcia andthe Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
Title: Fun and Nonsense
Author: Willard Bonte
Author: Willard Bonte
Release date: February 1, 2004 [eBook #11095]Most recently updated: December 23, 2020
Language: English
Credits: Produced by The Internet Archive Children's Library, David Garcia andthe Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FUN AND NONSENSE ***
By Willard Bonte
By Willard Bonte
Frontispiece
Frontispiece
By Willard BronteH.M. Caldwell CompanyNew York and Boston
By Willard BronteH.M. Caldwell CompanyNew York and Boston
By Willard BronteH.M. Caldwell CompanyNew York and Boston
Copyright 1904 by H.M. Caldwell
Copyright 1904 by H.M. Caldwell
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
THE BARBER
THE REFUSAL
A HOPELESS CASE
THE GREENHORN
OLD MR. MATCH
THOUGHTS UNSTRUNG
THE MISER
DR. KEY'S ANSWER
THE CHASE
A RISING DOCTOR
THE SAILOR BOLD
OVERHEARD IN THE CORN-FIELD
TWINS
A SHARP LOVER
THE GREEDY LITTLE PITCHERS
OBLIGING MR. HAMMER
THE MALICIOUS BRUSH
THE WISE PEN
Introduction
Introduction
Fun and Nonsense are a pairOf merry little twins,And when they come to visit usThey bring their friends, the Grins.They're coming now to visit you.This page we'll call the door.To open wide, just turn the leaf.Why, we have met before!
Fun and Nonsense are a pairOf merry little twins,And when they come to visit usThey bring their friends, the Grins.They're coming now to visit you.This page we'll call the door.To open wide, just turn the leaf.Why, we have met before!
The Barber
The Barber
Said Chocolate Drop the Barber,"Why, bless my ugly soul!I'll ask that stick of peppermintTo be my Barber pole."
Said Chocolate Drop the Barber,"Why, bless my ugly soul!I'll ask that stick of peppermintTo be my Barber pole."
The Barber
The Barber
The Refusal
The Refusal
"Dear, sweet Lady Cracker,My passions you know.""And I scorn them, Judge Wafer,As you're lacking in dough."
"Dear, sweet Lady Cracker,My passions you know.""And I scorn them, Judge Wafer,As you're lacking in dough."
The Refusal
The Refusal
A Hopeless Case
A Hopeless Case
"What is the use?" quoth the Whitewash Brush,"I'll comb my hair no more;For try as I will to make it lie,It still stays pompadour."
"What is the use?" quoth the Whitewash Brush,"I'll comb my hair no more;For try as I will to make it lie,It still stays pompadour."
A Hopeless Case
A Hopeless Case
The Greenhorn
The Greenhorn
A lettuce walking out one day,Lost his head, so lost his way;A Pumpkin happened on the scene,And said it came from being green.
A lettuce walking out one day,Lost his head, so lost his way;A Pumpkin happened on the scene,And said it came from being green.
The Greenhorn
The Greenhorn
Old Mr. Match
Old Mr. Match
Old Mr. Match gave his head a good scratch,And his face lighted up with a smile;"It is getting quite dark, but with my cheery sparkI will lengthen the day for awhile."
Old Mr. Match gave his head a good scratch,And his face lighted up with a smile;"It is getting quite dark, but with my cheery sparkI will lengthen the day for awhile."
Old Mr. Match
Old Mr. Match
Thoughts Unstrung
Thoughts Unstrung
"Alas! I fear my mind doth wander.As o'er this narrative I ponder;I usually know what I have read,But this time I have lost the Thread."
"Alas! I fear my mind doth wander.As o'er this narrative I ponder;I usually know what I have read,But this time I have lost the Thread."
Thoughts Unstrung
Thoughts Unstrung
The Miser
The Miser
The Pocketbook has money,On that subject he is daft;But when one strikes him for a loanHe answers, "I am strapped."
The Pocketbook has money,On that subject he is daft;But when one strikes him for a loanHe answers, "I am strapped."
The Miser
The Miser
Dr. Key's answer
Dr. Key's answer
"Shine?" inquired the Monkey WrenchOf Stately Doctor Key;"No!" replied that haughty soul."No Monkey-shines for me."
"Shine?" inquired the Monkey WrenchOf Stately Doctor Key;"No!" replied that haughty soul."No Monkey-shines for me."
Dr. Key's answer
Dr. Key's answer
The Chase
The Chase
Mr. Brush on his steed, dashing with speed,Was asked if he had time to spare;Said he, with a smile, "I'll be back in a while,But at present I'm hunting the hair."
Mr. Brush on his steed, dashing with speed,Was asked if he had time to spare;Said he, with a smile, "I'll be back in a while,But at present I'm hunting the hair."
The Chase
The Chase
A Rising Doctor
A Rising Doctor
"Dr. Yeast-Cake, it's hard for me to speak,As I haven't risen for more than a week.""Take this, Mr. Roll, and never you fear;You'll rise before morning, so be of good cheer."
"Dr. Yeast-Cake, it's hard for me to speak,As I haven't risen for more than a week.""Take this, Mr. Roll, and never you fear;You'll rise before morning, so be of good cheer."
A Rising Doctor
A Rising Doctor
The Sailor Bold
The Sailor Bold
Pilot Von Pretzel's a crusty old saltWho wears a rich shade of tan;Which he did not acquire at sea, by the way,But in a warm baking-pan.
Pilot Von Pretzel's a crusty old saltWho wears a rich shade of tan;Which he did not acquire at sea, by the way,But in a warm baking-pan.
The Sailor Bold
The Sailor Bold
Overheard in the Corn-Field
Overheard in the Corn-Field
Said young Mr. Pumpkin,To old Mr. Squash,"Do you think Mr. Corn overhearsWhat we say when we talkOf his self-conscious stalk,And his moving Miss Melon to tears?""I cannot decide,"Mr. Squash then replied,"But I've had my suspicions for years;Because he's so tallHe can lean over all;Then look at the size of his ears."
Said young Mr. Pumpkin,To old Mr. Squash,"Do you think Mr. Corn overhearsWhat we say when we talkOf his self-conscious stalk,And his moving Miss Melon to tears?""I cannot decide,"Mr. Squash then replied,"But I've had my suspicions for years;Because he's so tallHe can lean over all;Then look at the size of his ears."
Overheard in the Corn-Field
Overheard in the Corn-Field
Twins
Twins
"There go the Scissor twins.Cutting as ever.Some think them sharp.But few think them clever."
"There go the Scissor twins.Cutting as ever.Some think them sharp.But few think them clever."
Twins
Twins
A Sharp Lover
A Sharp Lover
"I dread you much, my little miss,You're such a dainty thing,I fear although quite sharp myself,You've got me on the string."
"I dread you much, my little miss,You're such a dainty thing,I fear although quite sharp myself,You've got me on the string."
A Sharp Lover
A Sharp Lover
The Greedy Little Pitchers
The Greedy Little Pitchers
"Now, my pretty little dears,Little Pitchers have big ears;But never let me hear it saidThat your mouths are big instead."
"Now, my pretty little dears,Little Pitchers have big ears;But never let me hear it saidThat your mouths are big instead."
The Greedy Little Pitchers
The Greedy Little Pitchers
Obliging Mr. Hammer
Obliging Mr. Hammer
Old Mr. HammerWas so very, very good,That he gave Mr. Shingle NailA drive through the wood.
Old Mr. HammerWas so very, very good,That he gave Mr. Shingle NailA drive through the wood.
Obliging Mr. Hammer
Obliging Mr. Hammer
The Malicious Brush
The Malicious Brush
When poor little Hand-GlassWas loudly beratedFor casting reflections,The Brush was elated.
When poor little Hand-GlassWas loudly beratedFor casting reflections,The Brush was elated.
The Malicious Brush
The Malicious Brush
The Wise Pen
The Wise Pen
There was a Pen in our townAnd he was wondrous wise;He knew just when to cross his T'sAnd when to dot his I's;But one small thing he did not know,A simple thing at that;He did not know 'twas nice to wipeHis feet off, on the mat.
There was a Pen in our townAnd he was wondrous wise;He knew just when to cross his T'sAnd when to dot his I's;But one small thing he did not know,A simple thing at that;He did not know 'twas nice to wipeHis feet off, on the mat.
The Wise Pen
The Wise Pen