Contempt.
"Lord bless your Honour, stand a bob,Our's is a dreadful case:In Chancery we've got our nob,And cannot leave the place."Contempt has brought us, as you see,Into a pretty line—God bless your honour, set us free,We're tired of Number Nine."How should a costermonger payAttorney's bill of fees?We haven't got the blunt to-day,To buy us bread and cheese."There's hardly one of us that knowsWhy here he has been lugged in;And with the cold we're nearly froze,Kind-hearted Mr. Sugden."You have the sympathy no doubt,Of General Solicitor;But vain the hope that you'll get outThrough your illustrious visitor.Yon luckless dame, in Jailor's claws,Grabbed with a stock of gin,For bold contempt of prison lawsWill sooner far get in.
"Lord bless your Honour, stand a bob,Our's is a dreadful case:In Chancery we've got our nob,And cannot leave the place."Contempt has brought us, as you see,Into a pretty line—God bless your honour, set us free,We're tired of Number Nine."How should a costermonger payAttorney's bill of fees?We haven't got the blunt to-day,To buy us bread and cheese."There's hardly one of us that knowsWhy here he has been lugged in;And with the cold we're nearly froze,Kind-hearted Mr. Sugden."You have the sympathy no doubt,Of General Solicitor;But vain the hope that you'll get outThrough your illustrious visitor.Yon luckless dame, in Jailor's claws,Grabbed with a stock of gin,For bold contempt of prison lawsWill sooner far get in.
"Lord bless your Honour, stand a bob,Our's is a dreadful case:In Chancery we've got our nob,And cannot leave the place.
"Lord bless your Honour, stand a bob,
Our's is a dreadful case:
In Chancery we've got our nob,
And cannot leave the place.
"Contempt has brought us, as you see,Into a pretty line—God bless your honour, set us free,We're tired of Number Nine.
"Contempt has brought us, as you see,
Into a pretty line—
God bless your honour, set us free,
We're tired of Number Nine.
"How should a costermonger payAttorney's bill of fees?We haven't got the blunt to-day,To buy us bread and cheese.
"How should a costermonger pay
Attorney's bill of fees?
We haven't got the blunt to-day,
To buy us bread and cheese.
"There's hardly one of us that knowsWhy here he has been lugged in;And with the cold we're nearly froze,Kind-hearted Mr. Sugden."
"There's hardly one of us that knows
Why here he has been lugged in;
And with the cold we're nearly froze,
Kind-hearted Mr. Sugden."
You have the sympathy no doubt,Of General Solicitor;But vain the hope that you'll get outThrough your illustrious visitor.
You have the sympathy no doubt,
Of General Solicitor;
But vain the hope that you'll get out
Through your illustrious visitor.
Yon luckless dame, in Jailor's claws,Grabbed with a stock of gin,For bold contempt of prison lawsWill sooner far get in.
Yon luckless dame, in Jailor's claws,
Grabbed with a stock of gin,
For bold contempt of prison laws
Will sooner far get in.
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. XLIII.
BIRDS OF A FEATHER.
Birds of a Feather
There's a prime bit of stuff to go,No better, or I'm blow'd—And narra wehicle I knowCan pass us on the road.Kem-arp, my cripple! he's the lad,To whisk along in style,He'll run agin the trotting pradAnd give him half a mile.Who cares a farden for the veather,Or if vith rain ve're duck'd;Birds of a feather flock together,And some must soon be pluck'd.Good judges may be taken in,And lose their blunt, no doubt;And tho' some say Dutch Sam must vin,Ned Neal may sarve him out.He's at his proper fighting veight—Heavier nor Sam by far;Tho' Sam's all right, and no debate,And fine as any star.Vell, vin or lose, they'll both do right,'Twill be a famous mill;I hope no Beak will stop the fight—Lord save us from a spill.
There's a prime bit of stuff to go,No better, or I'm blow'd—And narra wehicle I knowCan pass us on the road.Kem-arp, my cripple! he's the lad,To whisk along in style,He'll run agin the trotting pradAnd give him half a mile.Who cares a farden for the veather,Or if vith rain ve're duck'd;Birds of a feather flock together,And some must soon be pluck'd.Good judges may be taken in,And lose their blunt, no doubt;And tho' some say Dutch Sam must vin,Ned Neal may sarve him out.He's at his proper fighting veight—Heavier nor Sam by far;Tho' Sam's all right, and no debate,And fine as any star.Vell, vin or lose, they'll both do right,'Twill be a famous mill;I hope no Beak will stop the fight—Lord save us from a spill.
There's a prime bit of stuff to go,No better, or I'm blow'd—And narra wehicle I knowCan pass us on the road.
There's a prime bit of stuff to go,
No better, or I'm blow'd—
And narra wehicle I know
Can pass us on the road.
Kem-arp, my cripple! he's the lad,To whisk along in style,He'll run agin the trotting pradAnd give him half a mile.
Kem-arp, my cripple! he's the lad,
To whisk along in style,
He'll run agin the trotting prad
And give him half a mile.
Who cares a farden for the veather,Or if vith rain ve're duck'd;Birds of a feather flock together,And some must soon be pluck'd.
Who cares a farden for the veather,
Or if vith rain ve're duck'd;
Birds of a feather flock together,
And some must soon be pluck'd.
Good judges may be taken in,And lose their blunt, no doubt;And tho' some say Dutch Sam must vin,Ned Neal may sarve him out.
Good judges may be taken in,
And lose their blunt, no doubt;
And tho' some say Dutch Sam must vin,
Ned Neal may sarve him out.
He's at his proper fighting veight—Heavier nor Sam by far;Tho' Sam's all right, and no debate,And fine as any star.
He's at his proper fighting veight—
Heavier nor Sam by far;
Tho' Sam's all right, and no debate,
And fine as any star.
Vell, vin or lose, they'll both do right,'Twill be a famous mill;I hope no Beak will stop the fight—Lord save us from a spill.
Vell, vin or lose, they'll both do right,
'Twill be a famous mill;
I hope no Beak will stop the fight—
Lord save us from a spill.
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. XLIV.
A BEAK.
A Beak.
"Pray, Mr. Editor, what is a Beak?"
"A Beak," says Jem Bee, in his slang Dictionary, "is the Sitting Magistrate, or one who walks or rides abroad, seeking whom he may quod, or whose lawful (query,UNLAWFUL) amusements he may curtail."
Here we have a Portrait of a celebrated Gentleman of this description in the East, together with a couple of his customers, whose colloquy may be instructive:
"Jack, twig thatEREswag-bellied Cove,With wisage round and sleek—You knows him, don't you?"—"Yes, by Jove,Vy, that's a bloatedBeak."Knows him! I knows him vel enough,And if I don't it's odd:A few months back that damn'd old muffCommitted me to quod!"Vat right has he our schemes to check?Vat right—the Devil fish him!Lord send he'd break his precious neck—That's all the harm I vish him!"
"Jack, twig thatEREswag-bellied Cove,With wisage round and sleek—You knows him, don't you?"—"Yes, by Jove,Vy, that's a bloatedBeak."Knows him! I knows him vel enough,And if I don't it's odd:A few months back that damn'd old muffCommitted me to quod!"Vat right has he our schemes to check?Vat right—the Devil fish him!Lord send he'd break his precious neck—That's all the harm I vish him!"
"Jack, twig thatEREswag-bellied Cove,With wisage round and sleek—You knows him, don't you?"—"Yes, by Jove,Vy, that's a bloatedBeak.
"Jack, twig thatEREswag-bellied Cove,
With wisage round and sleek—
You knows him, don't you?"—"Yes, by Jove,
Vy, that's a bloatedBeak.
"Knows him! I knows him vel enough,And if I don't it's odd:A few months back that damn'd old muffCommitted me to quod!
"Knows him! I knows him vel enough,
And if I don't it's odd:
A few months back that damn'd old muff
Committed me to quod!
"Vat right has he our schemes to check?Vat right—the Devil fish him!Lord send he'd break his precious neck—That's all the harm I vish him!"
"Vat right has he our schemes to check?
Vat right—the Devil fish him!
Lord send he'd break his precious neck—
That's all the harm I vish him!"
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. XLV.
DESCENT OF A BEAK:
OR
FLIGHT OF THE FANCY.
Descent of a Beak.
Ill-omen'd birds! Is this the wayThat you enforce the laws,To pounce upon your hapless preyWith your unhallowed claws?Your frown the fancy well may dread,The Ring will soon be no go—Why should you take away the breadOf Oliver and Fogo?To spoil our sport why should you seek,And for fresh victims prowl?By Heaven! I hate a crooked beak,And a "white feather'd" owl.If to all discord you're awake,You need not travel far—Let your sharp scouts their station takeWithin the Chancery Bar;For there your Worshipfuls might hearSome orators harangueIn terms so virulent and queerThat flats would call it slang.And even you the Great Unpaid,Are noteadem semper,But on occasions, I'm afraid,Are apt to lose your temper.
Ill-omen'd birds! Is this the wayThat you enforce the laws,To pounce upon your hapless preyWith your unhallowed claws?Your frown the fancy well may dread,The Ring will soon be no go—Why should you take away the breadOf Oliver and Fogo?To spoil our sport why should you seek,And for fresh victims prowl?By Heaven! I hate a crooked beak,And a "white feather'd" owl.If to all discord you're awake,You need not travel far—Let your sharp scouts their station takeWithin the Chancery Bar;For there your Worshipfuls might hearSome orators harangueIn terms so virulent and queerThat flats would call it slang.And even you the Great Unpaid,Are noteadem semper,But on occasions, I'm afraid,Are apt to lose your temper.
Ill-omen'd birds! Is this the wayThat you enforce the laws,To pounce upon your hapless preyWith your unhallowed claws?
Ill-omen'd birds! Is this the way
That you enforce the laws,
To pounce upon your hapless prey
With your unhallowed claws?
Your frown the fancy well may dread,The Ring will soon be no go—Why should you take away the breadOf Oliver and Fogo?
Your frown the fancy well may dread,
The Ring will soon be no go—
Why should you take away the bread
Of Oliver and Fogo?
To spoil our sport why should you seek,And for fresh victims prowl?By Heaven! I hate a crooked beak,And a "white feather'd" owl.
To spoil our sport why should you seek,
And for fresh victims prowl?
By Heaven! I hate a crooked beak,
And a "white feather'd" owl.
If to all discord you're awake,You need not travel far—Let your sharp scouts their station takeWithin the Chancery Bar;
If to all discord you're awake,
You need not travel far—
Let your sharp scouts their station take
Within the Chancery Bar;
For there your Worshipfuls might hearSome orators harangueIn terms so virulent and queerThat flats would call it slang.
For there your Worshipfuls might hear
Some orators harangue
In terms so virulent and queer
That flats would call it slang.
And even you the Great Unpaid,Are noteadem semper,But on occasions, I'm afraid,Are apt to lose your temper.
And even you the Great Unpaid,
Are noteadem semper,
But on occasions, I'm afraid,
Are apt to lose your temper.
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. XLVI.
MY DARLING DUCK.
My Darling DuckLet those love now who never loved before,Let those who always loved now love the more.
Let those love now who never loved before,Let those who always loved now love the more.
Let those love now who never loved before,Let those who always loved now love the more.
Let those love now who never loved before,Let those who always loved now love the more.
Let those love now who never loved before,
Let those who always loved now love the more.
O thou, for whom my throbbing heartBeats with unceasing thump,Thou art the smartest of the smart,The plumpest of the plump.Thy breath is fresh as April morn,Blushing in maiden pride,And pearly drops thy brow adorns,Like fat on bacon fried.Fain would I woo thee to my arms,And by this tender chuck,I yield a captive to thy charms,My darling maid—My Duck.
O thou, for whom my throbbing heartBeats with unceasing thump,Thou art the smartest of the smart,The plumpest of the plump.Thy breath is fresh as April morn,Blushing in maiden pride,And pearly drops thy brow adorns,Like fat on bacon fried.Fain would I woo thee to my arms,And by this tender chuck,I yield a captive to thy charms,My darling maid—My Duck.
O thou, for whom my throbbing heartBeats with unceasing thump,Thou art the smartest of the smart,The plumpest of the plump.
O thou, for whom my throbbing heart
Beats with unceasing thump,
Thou art the smartest of the smart,
The plumpest of the plump.
Thy breath is fresh as April morn,Blushing in maiden pride,And pearly drops thy brow adorns,Like fat on bacon fried.
Thy breath is fresh as April morn,
Blushing in maiden pride,
And pearly drops thy brow adorns,
Like fat on bacon fried.
Fain would I woo thee to my arms,And by this tender chuck,I yield a captive to thy charms,My darling maid—My Duck.
Fain would I woo thee to my arms,
And by this tender chuck,
I yield a captive to thy charms,
My darling maid—My Duck.
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. XLVII.
A SELECT VESTRY IN DEEP DISCUSSION.
A Select Vestry in Deep Discussion.R. C.
R. C.
Ye virtuous and voracious few,I greet ye with respect,And every mark of honour dueTo worthies soSelect!Ye Parish Potentates, all hail!Long may your reign endureOn richest dainties to regale,Wrung from the starving poor!Keen be your stomachs, honest souls!May plenty crown your board;The means by which you swell your jowlsTheParishcan afford.Then be not from your turtle barr'd—None but a captious sinnerWould grudge to men thatWORK SO HARD!A little bit of dinner.Your deeds so worthy of applause,I wish not to expose.Now go and wash your greasy pawsIn water of the rose.
Ye virtuous and voracious few,I greet ye with respect,And every mark of honour dueTo worthies soSelect!Ye Parish Potentates, all hail!Long may your reign endureOn richest dainties to regale,Wrung from the starving poor!Keen be your stomachs, honest souls!May plenty crown your board;The means by which you swell your jowlsTheParishcan afford.Then be not from your turtle barr'd—None but a captious sinnerWould grudge to men thatWORK SO HARD!A little bit of dinner.Your deeds so worthy of applause,I wish not to expose.Now go and wash your greasy pawsIn water of the rose.
Ye virtuous and voracious few,I greet ye with respect,And every mark of honour dueTo worthies soSelect!
Ye virtuous and voracious few,
I greet ye with respect,
And every mark of honour due
To worthies soSelect!
Ye Parish Potentates, all hail!Long may your reign endureOn richest dainties to regale,Wrung from the starving poor!
Ye Parish Potentates, all hail!
Long may your reign endure
On richest dainties to regale,
Wrung from the starving poor!
Keen be your stomachs, honest souls!May plenty crown your board;The means by which you swell your jowlsTheParishcan afford.
Keen be your stomachs, honest souls!
May plenty crown your board;
The means by which you swell your jowls
TheParishcan afford.
Then be not from your turtle barr'd—None but a captious sinnerWould grudge to men thatWORK SO HARD!A little bit of dinner.
Then be not from your turtle barr'd—
None but a captious sinner
Would grudge to men thatWORK SO HARD!
A little bit of dinner.
Your deeds so worthy of applause,I wish not to expose.Now go and wash your greasy pawsIn water of the rose.
Your deeds so worthy of applause,
I wish not to expose.
Now go and wash your greasy paws
In water of the rose.
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. XLVIII.
A FLAT BETWEEN TWO SHARPS.
A Flat Between Two Sharps.R. C.
R. C.
Alas, poor Flat! poor Johnny Green!I pity your sad case;Two preciousSharpsyou're now between,And they areTHOROUGH BASE.Whate'er your cards it matters not,This is no time for grinning;For trust me, friend, you havn't gotThe slightestCHANCE OF WINNING.Don't fancy you are deep enough,Tho' fool and rogue no doubt;You'll find you were notUP TO SNUFF,When these have cleaned you out.And when you mourn your blunt all gone,This truth will soon be known;ThatHONOURthey don't count upon—They win byTRICKSalone.And cards are but the devil's books,Therefore be wise and shut 'em;And when you meet twoSHUFFLINGrooks,Take my advice andCUT'em.And ever be upon your guard,Or you'll be taken in;TheACEmay be the highest card,ButKnavesare sure to win.
Alas, poor Flat! poor Johnny Green!I pity your sad case;Two preciousSharpsyou're now between,And they areTHOROUGH BASE.Whate'er your cards it matters not,This is no time for grinning;For trust me, friend, you havn't gotThe slightestCHANCE OF WINNING.Don't fancy you are deep enough,Tho' fool and rogue no doubt;You'll find you were notUP TO SNUFF,When these have cleaned you out.And when you mourn your blunt all gone,This truth will soon be known;ThatHONOURthey don't count upon—They win byTRICKSalone.And cards are but the devil's books,Therefore be wise and shut 'em;And when you meet twoSHUFFLINGrooks,Take my advice andCUT'em.And ever be upon your guard,Or you'll be taken in;TheACEmay be the highest card,ButKnavesare sure to win.
Alas, poor Flat! poor Johnny Green!I pity your sad case;Two preciousSharpsyou're now between,And they areTHOROUGH BASE.
Alas, poor Flat! poor Johnny Green!
I pity your sad case;
Two preciousSharpsyou're now between,
And they areTHOROUGH BASE.
Whate'er your cards it matters not,This is no time for grinning;For trust me, friend, you havn't gotThe slightestCHANCE OF WINNING.
Whate'er your cards it matters not,
This is no time for grinning;
For trust me, friend, you havn't got
The slightestCHANCE OF WINNING.
Don't fancy you are deep enough,Tho' fool and rogue no doubt;You'll find you were notUP TO SNUFF,When these have cleaned you out.
Don't fancy you are deep enough,
Tho' fool and rogue no doubt;
You'll find you were notUP TO SNUFF,
When these have cleaned you out.
And when you mourn your blunt all gone,This truth will soon be known;ThatHONOURthey don't count upon—They win byTRICKSalone.
And when you mourn your blunt all gone,
This truth will soon be known;
ThatHONOURthey don't count upon—
They win byTRICKSalone.
And cards are but the devil's books,Therefore be wise and shut 'em;And when you meet twoSHUFFLINGrooks,Take my advice andCUT'em.
And cards are but the devil's books,
Therefore be wise and shut 'em;
And when you meet twoSHUFFLINGrooks,
Take my advice andCUT'em.
And ever be upon your guard,Or you'll be taken in;TheACEmay be the highest card,ButKnavesare sure to win.
And ever be upon your guard,
Or you'll be taken in;
TheACEmay be the highest card,
ButKnavesare sure to win.
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. XLIX.
HIGH CHURCH AND LOW CHURCH;
OR,
THE RECTOR AND HIS CURATE.
Comparisons Are Odious."COMPARISONS ARE ODIOUS."
"COMPARISONS ARE ODIOUS."
——"The superiority of some men is merely local. They are great, because their associates are little."—Dr. Johnson.
Steamers v. Stages.
STEAMERSv.STAGES;OR,ANDREW AND HIS SPOUSE.AN AQUATIC EXCURSION BYSTEAMANDBOAT.Illustrated with Humourous DesignsbyROBERT CRUIKSHANK.
I want a name—a name to give my tale,For nameless narratives will not be read:Books, by their titles, now succeed or fail;And everytaleshould have a fittinghead.List then—thetitleof my Book shall be,NotSir, nor yetMy Lord, but an "AquaticTrip" to a place that borders on the sea,But borders not on aught aristocratic.
I want a name—a name to give my tale,For nameless narratives will not be read:Books, by their titles, now succeed or fail;And everytaleshould have a fittinghead.List then—thetitleof my Book shall be,NotSir, nor yetMy Lord, but an "AquaticTrip" to a place that borders on the sea,But borders not on aught aristocratic.
I want a name—a name to give my tale,For nameless narratives will not be read:Books, by their titles, now succeed or fail;And everytaleshould have a fittinghead.
I want a name—a name to give my tale,
For nameless narratives will not be read:
Books, by their titles, now succeed or fail;
And everytaleshould have a fittinghead.
List then—thetitleof my Book shall be,NotSir, nor yetMy Lord, but an "AquaticTrip" to a place that borders on the sea,But borders not on aught aristocratic.
List then—thetitleof my Book shall be,
NotSir, nor yetMy Lord, but an "Aquatic
Trip" to a place that borders on the sea,
But borders not on aught aristocratic.
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. L.
ANDREW AND HIS SPOUSE.
An Aquatic Excursion bySteamandBoat!
Andrew Scaling.
The hero of mystory, which istrue,Was a free-mason of uncommon merits,Who kept the Mason's Arms; and there were fewMorespiritedthan he in sellingspirits.Andrew I wot, for so his name was spelt,Was born (but this perchance you have surmised)In London town:—in Adam Street he dwelt,WhichallEve's sons have notMc Adamized.As scaling—love impell'd, a lofty wall,One luckless night, he fell, in vast alarm;But caught a beam, and haplybrokehis fall,For which his fall retorting,brokehis arm.What chances may befal none may foretell;All are the sport of destiny unknown;Thus Andrew kept the "Mason's Arms" full well,But was not able to preserve hisown.Still he was not discouraged, even althoughHis love had so unluckily began;But taking soon a chance of joy or woeIn Hymen's lottery,Andrewdrew forthAnn.Quiet they lived, and happily, 'tis said,From all domestic strife and discord far;Andrew laid down theLaw, and Ann obey'd,For he, she knew, was bred up to theBar.
The hero of mystory, which istrue,Was a free-mason of uncommon merits,Who kept the Mason's Arms; and there were fewMorespiritedthan he in sellingspirits.Andrew I wot, for so his name was spelt,Was born (but this perchance you have surmised)In London town:—in Adam Street he dwelt,WhichallEve's sons have notMc Adamized.As scaling—love impell'd, a lofty wall,One luckless night, he fell, in vast alarm;But caught a beam, and haplybrokehis fall,For which his fall retorting,brokehis arm.What chances may befal none may foretell;All are the sport of destiny unknown;Thus Andrew kept the "Mason's Arms" full well,But was not able to preserve hisown.Still he was not discouraged, even althoughHis love had so unluckily began;But taking soon a chance of joy or woeIn Hymen's lottery,Andrewdrew forthAnn.Quiet they lived, and happily, 'tis said,From all domestic strife and discord far;Andrew laid down theLaw, and Ann obey'd,For he, she knew, was bred up to theBar.
The hero of mystory, which istrue,Was a free-mason of uncommon merits,Who kept the Mason's Arms; and there were fewMorespiritedthan he in sellingspirits.
The hero of mystory, which istrue,
Was a free-mason of uncommon merits,
Who kept the Mason's Arms; and there were few
Morespiritedthan he in sellingspirits.
Andrew I wot, for so his name was spelt,Was born (but this perchance you have surmised)In London town:—in Adam Street he dwelt,WhichallEve's sons have notMc Adamized.
Andrew I wot, for so his name was spelt,
Was born (but this perchance you have surmised)
In London town:—in Adam Street he dwelt,
WhichallEve's sons have notMc Adamized.
As scaling—love impell'd, a lofty wall,One luckless night, he fell, in vast alarm;But caught a beam, and haplybrokehis fall,For which his fall retorting,brokehis arm.
As scaling—love impell'd, a lofty wall,
One luckless night, he fell, in vast alarm;
But caught a beam, and haplybrokehis fall,
For which his fall retorting,brokehis arm.
What chances may befal none may foretell;All are the sport of destiny unknown;Thus Andrew kept the "Mason's Arms" full well,But was not able to preserve hisown.
What chances may befal none may foretell;
All are the sport of destiny unknown;
Thus Andrew kept the "Mason's Arms" full well,
But was not able to preserve hisown.
Still he was not discouraged, even althoughHis love had so unluckily began;But taking soon a chance of joy or woeIn Hymen's lottery,Andrewdrew forthAnn.
Still he was not discouraged, even although
His love had so unluckily began;
But taking soon a chance of joy or woe
In Hymen's lottery,Andrewdrew forthAnn.
Quiet they lived, and happily, 'tis said,From all domestic strife and discord far;Andrew laid down theLaw, and Ann obey'd,For he, she knew, was bred up to theBar.
Quiet they lived, and happily, 'tis said,
From all domestic strife and discord far;
Andrew laid down theLaw, and Ann obey'd,
For he, she knew, was bred up to theBar.
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LI.
Andrew's Scheme.
Quoth Andrew to his wife one summer's day:"My dear, if you approve, I have a scheme,To take a trip while all the world are gay,To Margate, love, and we can go bySteam.My honest cousin John, who is, you know,A quiet kind of lad, and free from sin,Has kindly promised, if we like to go,While we areout, to take care of theInn."She liked his project much, but did not knowThatsteamwas then the order of the age;She thought they should, like Fanny Kemble, go,Or, like the Elephant, upon thestage.Here Andrew differ'd from his quiet spouse,Mild as she was, and gentle as he thought her;Said he "Thesteamas every one allows,Impels one far more quickly through thewater.""But if the boiler burst, which much I fear,Then we, and all the rest, in air are blown."Quoth Andrew, "No: if that should hap, my dear;Instead of goingupwe should godown.""Really, my love," said Ann, "with joke and funYou draw such scenes as surely never man drew,And are in fact somerrywith your fun,That I should take you for aMerry Andrew."
Quoth Andrew to his wife one summer's day:"My dear, if you approve, I have a scheme,To take a trip while all the world are gay,To Margate, love, and we can go bySteam.My honest cousin John, who is, you know,A quiet kind of lad, and free from sin,Has kindly promised, if we like to go,While we areout, to take care of theInn."She liked his project much, but did not knowThatsteamwas then the order of the age;She thought they should, like Fanny Kemble, go,Or, like the Elephant, upon thestage.Here Andrew differ'd from his quiet spouse,Mild as she was, and gentle as he thought her;Said he "Thesteamas every one allows,Impels one far more quickly through thewater.""But if the boiler burst, which much I fear,Then we, and all the rest, in air are blown."Quoth Andrew, "No: if that should hap, my dear;Instead of goingupwe should godown.""Really, my love," said Ann, "with joke and funYou draw such scenes as surely never man drew,And are in fact somerrywith your fun,That I should take you for aMerry Andrew."
Quoth Andrew to his wife one summer's day:"My dear, if you approve, I have a scheme,To take a trip while all the world are gay,To Margate, love, and we can go bySteam.
Quoth Andrew to his wife one summer's day:
"My dear, if you approve, I have a scheme,
To take a trip while all the world are gay,
To Margate, love, and we can go bySteam.
My honest cousin John, who is, you know,A quiet kind of lad, and free from sin,Has kindly promised, if we like to go,While we areout, to take care of theInn."
My honest cousin John, who is, you know,
A quiet kind of lad, and free from sin,
Has kindly promised, if we like to go,
While we areout, to take care of theInn."
She liked his project much, but did not knowThatsteamwas then the order of the age;She thought they should, like Fanny Kemble, go,Or, like the Elephant, upon thestage.
She liked his project much, but did not know
Thatsteamwas then the order of the age;
She thought they should, like Fanny Kemble, go,
Or, like the Elephant, upon thestage.
Here Andrew differ'd from his quiet spouse,Mild as she was, and gentle as he thought her;Said he "Thesteamas every one allows,Impels one far more quickly through thewater."
Here Andrew differ'd from his quiet spouse,
Mild as she was, and gentle as he thought her;
Said he "Thesteamas every one allows,
Impels one far more quickly through thewater."
"But if the boiler burst, which much I fear,Then we, and all the rest, in air are blown."Quoth Andrew, "No: if that should hap, my dear;Instead of goingupwe should godown."
"But if the boiler burst, which much I fear,
Then we, and all the rest, in air are blown."
Quoth Andrew, "No: if that should hap, my dear;
Instead of goingupwe should godown."
"Really, my love," said Ann, "with joke and funYou draw such scenes as surely never man drew,And are in fact somerrywith your fun,That I should take you for aMerry Andrew."
"Really, my love," said Ann, "with joke and fun
You draw such scenes as surely never man drew,
And are in fact somerrywith your fun,
That I should take you for aMerry Andrew."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LII.
Enbarking on the Steamboat.
Now by the water side—a noted part—A tavern stands, which men have christen'd "Ship,"And hence 'twas needful that our friends should start,The following day, for their intended trip.Therefore, when Sol had risen, so had theyFor they were early, like the sun, and steady:And when theSteam-boat camebeside the quay,Andrew, his luggage, and his wife, were ready.The hour had now arrived, and all was life:The waiter said thepacketwasafloat;The bills were paid, and Andrew and his wifeNow left theShip, and hastened to theboat.They'd no idea of such a crowd i'fecks!When they embarked, for no one had yet told'em;There were three hundred people on the decks,The cabin and theholdwould hardlyhold'em.The vessel started soon,—her every chinkFilled up with luggage, women, boys and men;Swiftly she cut the spray, you cannot thinkWhatwhey(way) she made upon the water then.Ah, Master Andrew! you could not divineThe woe of sailing when the wind's not aft;Or you'd have been morecrafty, I opine,Than ever to have entered such acraft.
Now by the water side—a noted part—A tavern stands, which men have christen'd "Ship,"And hence 'twas needful that our friends should start,The following day, for their intended trip.Therefore, when Sol had risen, so had theyFor they were early, like the sun, and steady:And when theSteam-boat camebeside the quay,Andrew, his luggage, and his wife, were ready.The hour had now arrived, and all was life:The waiter said thepacketwasafloat;The bills were paid, and Andrew and his wifeNow left theShip, and hastened to theboat.They'd no idea of such a crowd i'fecks!When they embarked, for no one had yet told'em;There were three hundred people on the decks,The cabin and theholdwould hardlyhold'em.The vessel started soon,—her every chinkFilled up with luggage, women, boys and men;Swiftly she cut the spray, you cannot thinkWhatwhey(way) she made upon the water then.Ah, Master Andrew! you could not divineThe woe of sailing when the wind's not aft;Or you'd have been morecrafty, I opine,Than ever to have entered such acraft.
Now by the water side—a noted part—A tavern stands, which men have christen'd "Ship,"And hence 'twas needful that our friends should start,The following day, for their intended trip.
Now by the water side—a noted part—
A tavern stands, which men have christen'd "Ship,"
And hence 'twas needful that our friends should start,
The following day, for their intended trip.
Therefore, when Sol had risen, so had theyFor they were early, like the sun, and steady:And when theSteam-boat camebeside the quay,Andrew, his luggage, and his wife, were ready.
Therefore, when Sol had risen, so had they
For they were early, like the sun, and steady:
And when theSteam-boat camebeside the quay,
Andrew, his luggage, and his wife, were ready.
The hour had now arrived, and all was life:The waiter said thepacketwasafloat;The bills were paid, and Andrew and his wifeNow left theShip, and hastened to theboat.
The hour had now arrived, and all was life:
The waiter said thepacketwasafloat;
The bills were paid, and Andrew and his wife
Now left theShip, and hastened to theboat.
They'd no idea of such a crowd i'fecks!When they embarked, for no one had yet told'em;There were three hundred people on the decks,The cabin and theholdwould hardlyhold'em.
They'd no idea of such a crowd i'fecks!
When they embarked, for no one had yet told'em;
There were three hundred people on the decks,
The cabin and theholdwould hardlyhold'em.
The vessel started soon,—her every chinkFilled up with luggage, women, boys and men;Swiftly she cut the spray, you cannot thinkWhatwhey(way) she made upon the water then.
The vessel started soon,—her every chink
Filled up with luggage, women, boys and men;
Swiftly she cut the spray, you cannot think
Whatwhey(way) she made upon the water then.
Ah, Master Andrew! you could not divineThe woe of sailing when the wind's not aft;Or you'd have been morecrafty, I opine,Than ever to have entered such acraft.
Ah, Master Andrew! you could not divine
The woe of sailing when the wind's not aft;
Or you'd have been morecrafty, I opine,
Than ever to have entered such acraft.
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LIII.
The Passengers.
'Twas summer, yet the wind was passing cool;The Captain frown'd, and looked exceeding cross;The vessel, like some boys I knew at school,Was playing with the waves atpitchandtoss.There was a dandy there—you scarce could tellIt was a wig he wore; thebeaudid rightTo go to Truefit's, for it fitted well,All Truefit's wigs, I'm told,fit trueand tight.Two men were arguing, with wooden legs,No doubt each thought the other was mistaken;The cabin boy let fall a plate ofeggsAnd broke them all, although he saved hisbacon.There were some ladies as it often haps,Both plebeian and patrician—high and low—And Andrew thought that many set theircapsAt the young men, in hopes to catch abeau.There were somebutcher'sdaughters, wondrous proudOf their sweet persons!—pride I must condemn—Who once or twice were heard to say aloud,That nothing in the ship wasmeetfor them.Now the good vessel, keeping on her way,Had one effect on Andrew and his wife;Who were, not sick to death, as some would say—But sick enough to make them sick of life.
'Twas summer, yet the wind was passing cool;The Captain frown'd, and looked exceeding cross;The vessel, like some boys I knew at school,Was playing with the waves atpitchandtoss.There was a dandy there—you scarce could tellIt was a wig he wore; thebeaudid rightTo go to Truefit's, for it fitted well,All Truefit's wigs, I'm told,fit trueand tight.Two men were arguing, with wooden legs,No doubt each thought the other was mistaken;The cabin boy let fall a plate ofeggsAnd broke them all, although he saved hisbacon.There were some ladies as it often haps,Both plebeian and patrician—high and low—And Andrew thought that many set theircapsAt the young men, in hopes to catch abeau.There were somebutcher'sdaughters, wondrous proudOf their sweet persons!—pride I must condemn—Who once or twice were heard to say aloud,That nothing in the ship wasmeetfor them.Now the good vessel, keeping on her way,Had one effect on Andrew and his wife;Who were, not sick to death, as some would say—But sick enough to make them sick of life.
'Twas summer, yet the wind was passing cool;The Captain frown'd, and looked exceeding cross;The vessel, like some boys I knew at school,Was playing with the waves atpitchandtoss.
'Twas summer, yet the wind was passing cool;
The Captain frown'd, and looked exceeding cross;
The vessel, like some boys I knew at school,
Was playing with the waves atpitchandtoss.
There was a dandy there—you scarce could tellIt was a wig he wore; thebeaudid rightTo go to Truefit's, for it fitted well,All Truefit's wigs, I'm told,fit trueand tight.
There was a dandy there—you scarce could tell
It was a wig he wore; thebeaudid right
To go to Truefit's, for it fitted well,
All Truefit's wigs, I'm told,fit trueand tight.
Two men were arguing, with wooden legs,No doubt each thought the other was mistaken;The cabin boy let fall a plate ofeggsAnd broke them all, although he saved hisbacon.
Two men were arguing, with wooden legs,
No doubt each thought the other was mistaken;
The cabin boy let fall a plate ofeggs
And broke them all, although he saved hisbacon.
There were some ladies as it often haps,Both plebeian and patrician—high and low—And Andrew thought that many set theircapsAt the young men, in hopes to catch abeau.
There were some ladies as it often haps,
Both plebeian and patrician—high and low—
And Andrew thought that many set theircaps
At the young men, in hopes to catch abeau.
There were somebutcher'sdaughters, wondrous proudOf their sweet persons!—pride I must condemn—Who once or twice were heard to say aloud,That nothing in the ship wasmeetfor them.
There were somebutcher'sdaughters, wondrous proud
Of their sweet persons!—pride I must condemn—
Who once or twice were heard to say aloud,
That nothing in the ship wasmeetfor them.
Now the good vessel, keeping on her way,Had one effect on Andrew and his wife;Who were, not sick to death, as some would say—But sick enough to make them sick of life.
Now the good vessel, keeping on her way,
Had one effect on Andrew and his wife;
Who were, not sick to death, as some would say—
But sick enough to make them sick of life.
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LIV.
Over the Side.
All this to Andrew and his Spouse, I trow,Was novelty—and yet it had no charms,For both, before the night, were heard to vowThey wished they had not left the Mason's Arms.Close to the rails they stood—and you might seeTheir notions of delight began to waver;When Andrew's wife fell over in the sea,And might have drown'd; but Andrew shouted "Save her!"Perhaps you think he jumped into the water;No, gentle reader, no; that would not do:Youmight have done so for a wife or daughter,Butyouareone, andyouand Andrew,two.But some one seeing that he was no loverOf aught save eating, drinking, and his life,Came close behind the man and pushed him over,With "Don't you see, you brute, go save your wife."Just at the time a little vessel passed,(Andrew had caught his wife)—it was the Percy;The captain thought it best to put about,Andtake them in, for they were crying mercy!TheSteam-boatkept her way, although the wind was bad,Margate they made, the crew cried "That's your sort!"The band struck up a tune, the rest were gladAs tipplers would be, to get at thePort.But Andrew and Spouse, just as they wereAbout to sink, and thought that they were undone,Got safe on board the Percy—wind was fair,And the tight little boat, was on its way to London.
All this to Andrew and his Spouse, I trow,Was novelty—and yet it had no charms,For both, before the night, were heard to vowThey wished they had not left the Mason's Arms.Close to the rails they stood—and you might seeTheir notions of delight began to waver;When Andrew's wife fell over in the sea,And might have drown'd; but Andrew shouted "Save her!"Perhaps you think he jumped into the water;No, gentle reader, no; that would not do:Youmight have done so for a wife or daughter,Butyouareone, andyouand Andrew,two.But some one seeing that he was no loverOf aught save eating, drinking, and his life,Came close behind the man and pushed him over,With "Don't you see, you brute, go save your wife."Just at the time a little vessel passed,(Andrew had caught his wife)—it was the Percy;The captain thought it best to put about,Andtake them in, for they were crying mercy!TheSteam-boatkept her way, although the wind was bad,Margate they made, the crew cried "That's your sort!"The band struck up a tune, the rest were gladAs tipplers would be, to get at thePort.But Andrew and Spouse, just as they wereAbout to sink, and thought that they were undone,Got safe on board the Percy—wind was fair,And the tight little boat, was on its way to London.
All this to Andrew and his Spouse, I trow,Was novelty—and yet it had no charms,For both, before the night, were heard to vowThey wished they had not left the Mason's Arms.
All this to Andrew and his Spouse, I trow,
Was novelty—and yet it had no charms,
For both, before the night, were heard to vow
They wished they had not left the Mason's Arms.
Close to the rails they stood—and you might seeTheir notions of delight began to waver;When Andrew's wife fell over in the sea,And might have drown'd; but Andrew shouted "Save her!"
Close to the rails they stood—and you might see
Their notions of delight began to waver;
When Andrew's wife fell over in the sea,
And might have drown'd; but Andrew shouted "Save her!"
Perhaps you think he jumped into the water;No, gentle reader, no; that would not do:Youmight have done so for a wife or daughter,Butyouareone, andyouand Andrew,two.
Perhaps you think he jumped into the water;
No, gentle reader, no; that would not do:
Youmight have done so for a wife or daughter,
Butyouareone, andyouand Andrew,two.
But some one seeing that he was no loverOf aught save eating, drinking, and his life,Came close behind the man and pushed him over,With "Don't you see, you brute, go save your wife."
But some one seeing that he was no lover
Of aught save eating, drinking, and his life,
Came close behind the man and pushed him over,
With "Don't you see, you brute, go save your wife."
Just at the time a little vessel passed,(Andrew had caught his wife)—it was the Percy;The captain thought it best to put about,Andtake them in, for they were crying mercy!
Just at the time a little vessel passed,
(Andrew had caught his wife)—it was the Percy;
The captain thought it best to put about,
Andtake them in, for they were crying mercy!
TheSteam-boatkept her way, although the wind was bad,Margate they made, the crew cried "That's your sort!"The band struck up a tune, the rest were gladAs tipplers would be, to get at thePort.
TheSteam-boatkept her way, although the wind was bad,
Margate they made, the crew cried "That's your sort!"
The band struck up a tune, the rest were glad
As tipplers would be, to get at thePort.
But Andrew and Spouse, just as they wereAbout to sink, and thought that they were undone,Got safe on board the Percy—wind was fair,And the tight little boat, was on its way to London.
But Andrew and Spouse, just as they were
About to sink, and thought that they were undone,
Got safe on board the Percy—wind was fair,
And the tight little boat, was on its way to London.
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LV.
Back Home.
She soon arrived, of time there was no loss,The sailors rowed them quickly to the landAnd now, five miles at least fromCharing Cross,Stood Andrew and his Spouse upon theStrand.They hastened home, for home had many charms;Thither they went, and none could well go faster;For Andrew knew full well the Mason'sArmsWere alwaysopento receive their master.They'dseenenough ofsea; and their immersionIn thesalt-seawave had pickled them so well,They never made anotherseaexcursion;And thereforeyou see! I've but little more to tell.From that day forth, when Andrew and his wifeDisputed, which was often it would seem,His spouse replied, "Remember, pray, my life,That 'tis not always bestto go by Steam!"My tale is done,—about a week agoWhen passing through the City, I heard tellThat "Andrew and his Spouse" were dead, and soBow bellwas tolling for thisBeauandBelle.MORAL.Hereafter then, when'er we need adviceAbout a journey to the East or West;We must obey our spouses in a trice,Andalways dowhattheyimagine best.
She soon arrived, of time there was no loss,The sailors rowed them quickly to the landAnd now, five miles at least fromCharing Cross,Stood Andrew and his Spouse upon theStrand.They hastened home, for home had many charms;Thither they went, and none could well go faster;For Andrew knew full well the Mason'sArmsWere alwaysopento receive their master.They'dseenenough ofsea; and their immersionIn thesalt-seawave had pickled them so well,They never made anotherseaexcursion;And thereforeyou see! I've but little more to tell.From that day forth, when Andrew and his wifeDisputed, which was often it would seem,His spouse replied, "Remember, pray, my life,That 'tis not always bestto go by Steam!"My tale is done,—about a week agoWhen passing through the City, I heard tellThat "Andrew and his Spouse" were dead, and soBow bellwas tolling for thisBeauandBelle.MORAL.Hereafter then, when'er we need adviceAbout a journey to the East or West;We must obey our spouses in a trice,Andalways dowhattheyimagine best.
She soon arrived, of time there was no loss,The sailors rowed them quickly to the landAnd now, five miles at least fromCharing Cross,Stood Andrew and his Spouse upon theStrand.
She soon arrived, of time there was no loss,
The sailors rowed them quickly to the land
And now, five miles at least fromCharing Cross,
Stood Andrew and his Spouse upon theStrand.
They hastened home, for home had many charms;Thither they went, and none could well go faster;For Andrew knew full well the Mason'sArmsWere alwaysopento receive their master.
They hastened home, for home had many charms;
Thither they went, and none could well go faster;
For Andrew knew full well the Mason'sArms
Were alwaysopento receive their master.
They'dseenenough ofsea; and their immersionIn thesalt-seawave had pickled them so well,They never made anotherseaexcursion;And thereforeyou see! I've but little more to tell.
They'dseenenough ofsea; and their immersion
In thesalt-seawave had pickled them so well,
They never made anotherseaexcursion;
And thereforeyou see! I've but little more to tell.
From that day forth, when Andrew and his wifeDisputed, which was often it would seem,His spouse replied, "Remember, pray, my life,That 'tis not always bestto go by Steam!"
From that day forth, when Andrew and his wife
Disputed, which was often it would seem,
His spouse replied, "Remember, pray, my life,
That 'tis not always bestto go by Steam!"
My tale is done,—about a week agoWhen passing through the City, I heard tellThat "Andrew and his Spouse" were dead, and soBow bellwas tolling for thisBeauandBelle.
My tale is done,—about a week ago
When passing through the City, I heard tell
That "Andrew and his Spouse" were dead, and so
Bow bellwas tolling for thisBeauandBelle.
MORAL.
Hereafter then, when'er we need adviceAbout a journey to the East or West;We must obey our spouses in a trice,Andalways dowhattheyimagine best.
Hereafter then, when'er we need advice
About a journey to the East or West;
We must obey our spouses in a trice,
Andalways dowhattheyimagine best.
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LVI.
"BEHIND TIME."
Behibd Time."Procrastination is the Thief of Time."
"Procrastination is the Thief of Time."
"Coach, Sir! Lord love your soul, the coach has been gone these three quarters of an hour; it's the most regglarest coach as is, and always starts to a minute!"
"You dont say so! Lawks! vot a precious row my vife vill kick up! She's a coming arter me as fast as she can trot!"
George Cruikshank's"Illustrations of Time."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LVII.
"HARD TIMES."
MacadamitesMACADAMITES.
MACADAMITES.
"I say,Shuffleton, these d—d Overseers pay no respect to Persons!"
"No,Doctor, nor toParsonseither!"
George Cruikshank's"Illustrations of Time."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LVIII.
"TERM TIME."
Term Time"THE LAWYER AND HIS CLIENTS!"
"THE LAWYER AND HIS CLIENTS!"
"Gentlemen, it was a very fine Oyster, indeed! The Court awards you a shell each!"
George Cruikshank's"Illustrations of Time."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LIX.
"TIME COME!"
Time Called"TIME CALLED."
"TIME CALLED."
"Time! Bring him up,Tom! Jackcan't stand another round!"
"With a hook! I'm blow'd if he ha'nt 'cut his stick!'"
"A guinea to a shilling onJack! Time's up! It's all over!Jack'swon the day! I'm blest if we shan't all be lagged!"
George Cruikshank's"Illustrations of Time."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LX.
"TAKING TIME BY THE FORE-LOCK."
London Conveyancers"LONDON CONVEYANCERS."
"LONDON CONVEYANCERS."
"I say,Bill, I've got his ticker: pull his precious nob off!"
"I'm sniggered if I don't!"
George Cruikshank's"Illustrations of Time."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LXI.
"PUDDING TIME."
A Little Too Late."A LITTLE TOO LATE."
"A LITTLE TOO LATE."
"Ha, Snooks, we had given you up altogether!"
"I thought you said four o'clock, my dear fellow?"
"So I did, but it is now five."
"Yes, but four always means five."
"Not with those who tell the truth, and as I am one of that sort, you will know I mean what I say in future; but sit down 'better late than never.'—Mary bring the fragments."
George Cruikshank's"Illustrations of Time."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LXII.
"WASTE OF TIME."
Labour in Vain."LABOUR IN VAIN."
"LABOUR IN VAIN."
"Scrub away, Jenny! I'll warrant we get the dirty toad white?"
"O, Missee! your water so dam hot, you scald poor Sambo!"
"Drat your black carcase! we'll make something of you at last, if we skin you! Go it, Molly! rub his life time out!"
George Cruikshank's"Illustrations of Time."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LXIII.
"CHRISTMAS TIMES."
Boxing Day!"BOXING DAY!"
"BOXING DAY!"
"You arn't the rigglar Dustman, blow ye! For a farden I'd break your blessed conk!"
"I'm as good a Dustman as you any day in the veek, my tulip!"
George Cruikshank's"Illustrations of Time."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LXIV.
THE QUEAN WOT CLAIMS THE BREECHES.
The Quean Wot Claims the Breeches.G. C.
G. C.
The young and old, the short and tall,In poverty or riches;One common aim prevails with all—'Tis who shall wear the breeches!This lovely, winning creature scan,To wives a bright example!Mark on the boasted "Rights of Man,"How she presumes to trample,Poor Henpeck! what shall shield you now,In fortune's fickle weather,If you surrender to your frowThe covering of your nether?Reduced by this ignoble deed,To petticoats' stern sway;To play the tyrant is her creed,And yours is to obey.Farewell, poor fellow—by the bye,To keep her system placid,Suppose you tip her, on the sly,A little prussic acid.A very moderate dose will do,To make her calm and quiet:And, if you wish to tame that shrew,Make haste, my boy, and try it.
The young and old, the short and tall,In poverty or riches;One common aim prevails with all—'Tis who shall wear the breeches!This lovely, winning creature scan,To wives a bright example!Mark on the boasted "Rights of Man,"How she presumes to trample,Poor Henpeck! what shall shield you now,In fortune's fickle weather,If you surrender to your frowThe covering of your nether?Reduced by this ignoble deed,To petticoats' stern sway;To play the tyrant is her creed,And yours is to obey.Farewell, poor fellow—by the bye,To keep her system placid,Suppose you tip her, on the sly,A little prussic acid.A very moderate dose will do,To make her calm and quiet:And, if you wish to tame that shrew,Make haste, my boy, and try it.
The young and old, the short and tall,In poverty or riches;One common aim prevails with all—'Tis who shall wear the breeches!
The young and old, the short and tall,
In poverty or riches;
One common aim prevails with all—
'Tis who shall wear the breeches!
This lovely, winning creature scan,To wives a bright example!Mark on the boasted "Rights of Man,"How she presumes to trample,
This lovely, winning creature scan,
To wives a bright example!
Mark on the boasted "Rights of Man,"
How she presumes to trample,
Poor Henpeck! what shall shield you now,In fortune's fickle weather,If you surrender to your frowThe covering of your nether?
Poor Henpeck! what shall shield you now,
In fortune's fickle weather,
If you surrender to your frow
The covering of your nether?
Reduced by this ignoble deed,To petticoats' stern sway;To play the tyrant is her creed,And yours is to obey.
Reduced by this ignoble deed,
To petticoats' stern sway;
To play the tyrant is her creed,
And yours is to obey.
Farewell, poor fellow—by the bye,To keep her system placid,Suppose you tip her, on the sly,A little prussic acid.
Farewell, poor fellow—by the bye,
To keep her system placid,
Suppose you tip her, on the sly,
A little prussic acid.
A very moderate dose will do,To make her calm and quiet:And, if you wish to tame that shrew,Make haste, my boy, and try it.
A very moderate dose will do,
To make her calm and quiet:
And, if you wish to tame that shrew,
Make haste, my boy, and try it.
George Cruikshank's"Mornings at Bow Street."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LXV.
SUMMARY DIVORCE.
Summary Divorce.G. C.
G. C.
Now ponder well, ye tender wives,As you would shun disasters,And as you wish for peaceful lives,Thwart not your lords and masters.If late from home they chance to stop,Avoid all vain conjectures;And, if they've had a little drop,Refrain from curtain lectures.A scolding tongue will ne'er reclaimA man from idle courses;But often leads to grief and shame,And Summary Divorces.These evils flow from angry words—Then try not such expedients;Besides, you know, you owe your lordsLove, honour, and obedience!Ah! tell us, Dame, for what offenceYour Spouse, in all his glory,Is using such strong arguments,And "a posteriori."What have you said or done, alas!Or what have you neglected?That thus by speedy habeas,You're forcibly ejected.
Now ponder well, ye tender wives,As you would shun disasters,And as you wish for peaceful lives,Thwart not your lords and masters.If late from home they chance to stop,Avoid all vain conjectures;And, if they've had a little drop,Refrain from curtain lectures.A scolding tongue will ne'er reclaimA man from idle courses;But often leads to grief and shame,And Summary Divorces.These evils flow from angry words—Then try not such expedients;Besides, you know, you owe your lordsLove, honour, and obedience!Ah! tell us, Dame, for what offenceYour Spouse, in all his glory,Is using such strong arguments,And "a posteriori."What have you said or done, alas!Or what have you neglected?That thus by speedy habeas,You're forcibly ejected.
Now ponder well, ye tender wives,As you would shun disasters,And as you wish for peaceful lives,Thwart not your lords and masters.
Now ponder well, ye tender wives,
As you would shun disasters,
And as you wish for peaceful lives,
Thwart not your lords and masters.
If late from home they chance to stop,Avoid all vain conjectures;And, if they've had a little drop,Refrain from curtain lectures.
If late from home they chance to stop,
Avoid all vain conjectures;
And, if they've had a little drop,
Refrain from curtain lectures.
A scolding tongue will ne'er reclaimA man from idle courses;But often leads to grief and shame,And Summary Divorces.
A scolding tongue will ne'er reclaim
A man from idle courses;
But often leads to grief and shame,
And Summary Divorces.
These evils flow from angry words—Then try not such expedients;Besides, you know, you owe your lordsLove, honour, and obedience!
These evils flow from angry words—
Then try not such expedients;
Besides, you know, you owe your lords
Love, honour, and obedience!
Ah! tell us, Dame, for what offenceYour Spouse, in all his glory,Is using such strong arguments,And "a posteriori."
Ah! tell us, Dame, for what offence
Your Spouse, in all his glory,
Is using such strong arguments,
And "a posteriori."
What have you said or done, alas!Or what have you neglected?That thus by speedy habeas,You're forcibly ejected.
What have you said or done, alas!
Or what have you neglected?
That thus by speedy habeas,
You're forcibly ejected.
George Cruikshank's"Mornings at Bow Street."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LXVI.
BARRING A BAD CUSTOMER;
OR,
A SCORE BEHIND!"
A Score Behind.
Boniface: "Mizzle, you warmint, you an't paid your old score; No more chalk here!—so take that!"
Cherry Ripe: "My eye, what a toucher!"
George Cruikshank's"Mornings at Bow Street."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LXVII.
"TAKING THE LAW IN HER OWN HANDS;
OR,
SERVING AN EJECTMENT ON A TROUBLESOME TENANT."
Serving an Ejectman.
"Come along, you old willain; I'll teach you to be going arter the wenches; I'll shew you who wears the breeches you—!"
George Cruikshank's"More Mornings at Bow Street."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LXVIII.
"THE THIMBLE RIG;
OR,
HOW TO BONNET A FLAT!"
How to Bonnet a Flat.
"Now, then, my jolly Sportsman! I've got more money than the Parson of the parish! Those as don't play can't vin and those as are here arn't there! I'd hould any of you, from a tanner to a soverin, or ten, as you don't tell which thimble the pea is under." "It's there, Sir"—"I barr tellings"—"I'll go it again."—"Vat you don't see don't look at, and what you do see don't tell. I'll hould you a soverin, Sir, that you don't tell me vitch thimble the pea is under."—"Lay him, Sir (in a whisper); it's under the middle'un I'll go you halves."—"Lay him another; that's right."—I'm blow'd but we've lost: who'd a thought it!"—Smack goes the flat's hat over his eyes; exit the confederates with a loud laugh.
George Cruikshank's"More Mornings at Bow Street."
GALLERY OF COMICALITIES—No. LXIX.
"FLYING DUSTMEN."
"The Dustman's cart offends thy clothes and eyes,When through the street a cloud of ashes flies."—Gay.
"The Dustman's cart offends thy clothes and eyes,When through the street a cloud of ashes flies."—Gay.
"The Dustman's cart offends thy clothes and eyes,
When through the street a cloud of ashes flies."—Gay.