Allow me to goinstead of you—Mr.Noun,it will save troubleNOUNSMR.PRONOUN SPEAKS
Allow me to goinstead of you—Mr.Noun,it will save troubleNOUNSMR.PRONOUN SPEAKS
WHEN the court next assembled, the Judge read aloud all the nouns and articles on the lists, casting a stern glance at little Article at eacha,an, orthethat he came to, in order to show that they were put in as a punishment for Article’s impudent behaviour the day before. Poor little Article said nothing, and no one having objected to any of the words, the Judge said: “Mr. Noun and Article, since no one finds fault with the words that you claim, I declarethem to be lawfully yours. Now, stand aside, and let Mr. Pronoun come forward.”
At these words Mr. Pronoun stood before the Judge. He is something like Mr. Noun, only he is thinner, and looks as if he worked harder.
“Mr. Pronoun?” said Serjeant Parsing, standing up to begin his questioning.
Mr. Pronoun bowed.
“Why are you called Pronoun, sir, and what words do you possess?”
“I am called Pronoun, because I often do the work for my rich neighbour, Mr. Noun.Promeansinstead of, sopronounmeansinstead of noun, and my words are calledpronounsbecause they standinstead of nouns. Mr. Noun, though he is so rich, does not like to have his words used over and over again—he says it wears them out; so to save trouble I put inmylittle words, which do just as well.”
“And you are not afraid ofyourwords being worn out?” asked the Judge.
“O dear no! my lord,” answered Pronoun. “I think my words are like the iron rails on the railway—the more they are used the brighter they look; it is only the idle ones that get rusty and spoilt. And it is not many ofmywords that get rusty, I can tell you, my lord. Serjeant Parsing knows how he was one day trying tomake sense of Dr. Faustus without me, and what a muddle he made of it. If he will kindly repeat it now, I will show you.”
So Serjeant Parsing said:—
Dr. Faustus was a good man;Dr. Faustus whipped Dr. Faustus’s scholars now and thenWhen Dr. Faustus whipped the scholars Dr. Faustus made the scholars danceOut of England into France.
Dr. Faustus was a good man;Dr. Faustus whipped Dr. Faustus’s scholars now and thenWhen Dr. Faustus whipped the scholars Dr. Faustus made the scholars danceOut of England into France.
Dr. Faustus was a good man;Dr. Faustus whipped Dr. Faustus’s scholars now and thenWhen Dr. Faustus whipped the scholars Dr. Faustus made the scholars danceOut of England into France.
Dr. Faustus was a good man;
Dr. Faustus whipped Dr. Faustus’s scholars now and then
When Dr. Faustus whipped the scholars Dr. Faustus made the scholars dance
Out of England into France.
“There!” said Pronoun. “Let any one try to sing that, and he will find how awkward it is. Now, if you will use my littleheorhis, instead of saying Dr. Faustus so often, and puttheminstead of scholars, it will sound much better. Just listen. Please, Mr. Parsing, say it again, and I will come in when I am wanted.”
So Serjeant Parsing said: “Dr. Faustus was a good man.”
“Hewhippedhis,” shouted Pronoun.
“He whipped his scholars now and then. When——”
“Hewhippedthem,” shouted Pronoun.
“When he whipped them,” continued Serjeant Parsing.
“Hemadethemdance,” cried Pronoun.
“When he whipped them he made them dance,” repeated Serjeant Parsing, “out of England into France.”
“Ah,” said the Judge, “yes! It is certainly better so. Mr. Noun’s words are not used so often, and all parties arepleased. Thenhe,his, andthem, are pronouns, as they stand instead of nouns. Now tell us what other words you have, Mr. Pronoun.”
“First of all, my lord, I have words which are used instead of the names of people when they are talking of themselves, such asIorme,weorus. When a person is speaking of himself he does not name his own name, but says instead,Iorme. Except, indeed, very little children, who say, ‘Baby wants more,’ or, ‘Give baby milk.’ Reasonable persons say, ‘Iwant more,’ ‘Givemesome milk.’”
“The Queen sayswein speaking of herself,” remarked the Judge.
“Yes, my lord,” said Pronoun, “the Queen is of course allowed to useweoruswhen she means only herself; but other people do not useweorusunless they mean more than one person.”
“ThenIorme,weorus, are the pronouns used instead of the names of people speaking of themselves, are they, Mr. Pronoun?” inquired Serjeant Parsing.
“Certainly,” replied Pronoun: “and the words used instead of the names of persons you arespeaking toarethou, orthee, andyou. When I am speaking to you, Mr. Parsing, I say, I tellyou; I do not say, I tell Serjeant Parsing.”
“Quite so,” answered Serjeant Parsing; “but why do you not say, I tellthee.”
“Why, the fact is,” replied Mr. Pronoun, “thatthouandtheereally stand for one person only, andyoustands for more than one. But long ago people took it into their heads to fancy that it would beverypolite to talk to one person as if he were at least as good as two. It is a very vulgar thing to be only one person, but to be two people rolled into one would be very grand indeed. So when a man was talking to a grand neighbour he called himyouinstead ofthou, and the grand neighbour was so much pleased that it came to be the fashion to sayyouto every one, and my poor littlethouandtheewere quite set aside.”
“And are they never used now?” said Serjeant Parsing.
“O yes, they are used,” said Mr. Pronoun; “but as people neglected them in former days, I won’t have them used in common now.Youis quite good enough for everyday talk.”
“Well,” said Serjeant Parsing, “you have shown thatIorme,weorus,thouorthee, andyou, are all your words. Have you any others?”
“Plenty more,” answered Pronoun. “I havehe,she,it, andthey, to stand instead of persons or things you are talking about.
Tom took Maria on the ice;Itbroke, andshefell in;Hegot a rope, and in a triceHepulledherout again.Iftheyhad both been drowned, you know,Folks would have said, “I told you so.”
Tom took Maria on the ice;Itbroke, andshefell in;Hegot a rope, and in a triceHepulledherout again.Iftheyhad both been drowned, you know,Folks would have said, “I told you so.”
Tom took Maria on the ice;Itbroke, andshefell in;Hegot a rope, and in a triceHepulledherout again.Iftheyhad both been drowned, you know,Folks would have said, “I told you so.”
Tom took Maria on the ice;
Itbroke, andshefell in;
Hegot a rope, and in a trice
Hepulledherout again.
Iftheyhad both been drowned, you know,
Folks would have said, “I told you so.”
“Thereitstands forice, andsheforMaria, andheforTom, andtheyforTomandMariatogether. So you see clearly thathe,she,it, andtheyare pronouns.”
“I do not think any one could deny it,” said Serjeant Parsing. “Have you any other words?”
“O yes, there are plenty more words that stand instead of nouns.My,thy,his,our,your,their, which are used to show that something belongs to the person these words stand instead of. Just as instead of sayingDr. Faustus’sscholars, we saidhisscholars; and as in speaking to you, my lord, I should not say Judge Grammar’s wig, butyourwig.”
“You need not say anything about my wig,” said the Judge, rather testily. “Mind your own words, sir, and tell us what others you have.”
“I havewhoandwhich,” replied Pronoun. “Instead of saying, ‘I met a man, the man had no eyes,’ you say, ‘I met a manwhohad no eyes;’ so my littlewhosaves Mr. Noun’s man. Instead of saying, ‘I will tell you a tale, a tale was told to me,’ you can say, ‘I will tell you a talewhichwas told to me;’ sowhichstands instead oftale.”
“We understand,” said the Judge. “No more of your tales now, if you please. You have no more words, I suppose?”
“Indeed I have, my lord.Thisandthat,theseandthose, are pronouns. For when you say, ‘Look atthis,’ you mean a picture, or a sum, or anything else thatthismay happen to stand for; and when you say, ‘Takethat,’thatstands for a halfpenny, or a kick, or anything else you may be giving at the time. And if you sing to a child—if your lordship ever does sing—which does not seem very likely——”
“Mind your words, sir,” said the Judge, again. “If we sing what?”
“If you sing ‘Thisis the way the lady goes,’ thenthisstands for the jogging up and down of my knee, the way the lady goes.”
“Really, Mr. Pronoun,” said the Judge, “you are very childish. The Schoolroom-shire people are quite ashamed of you. We shall ask for no more of your words to-day, for I suppose, after all, they are easy enough to find out.”
“All words that stand instead of nouns belong to me,” said Pronoun; “but they are not quite so easy to find out as you suppose. Those that stand instead of persons, likeI,thou,he,we,you,they, any one can find out. I havetold you about a good many others, and if Serjeant Parsing wishes to discover the rest for himself——”
“He does, sir,” said the Judge, who was getting very tired and hungry. “You may go. I will only ask you to assist our Schoolroom-shire friends in making the following verses right. They read very queerly at present; but if you can set them right, I think we shall agree that what you have been saying of your words is true.”
The Judge then wished them all good-morning, and went to lunch off a few pages of dictionary.
Here are the verses.
There was a man, the man had no eyes,And the man went out to view the skies;The man saw a tree with apples on,The man took no apples off, and left no apples on.Little Bo-peep has lost Bo-peep’s sheep,And does not know where to find the sheep;Leave the sheep alone till the sheep come home,And bring the sheep’s tails behind the sheep.Matilda dashed the spectacles awayTo wipe Matilda’s tingling eyes;And as in twenty bits the spectacles lay,Matilda’s grandmamma Matilda spies.
There was a man, the man had no eyes,And the man went out to view the skies;The man saw a tree with apples on,The man took no apples off, and left no apples on.Little Bo-peep has lost Bo-peep’s sheep,And does not know where to find the sheep;Leave the sheep alone till the sheep come home,And bring the sheep’s tails behind the sheep.Matilda dashed the spectacles awayTo wipe Matilda’s tingling eyes;And as in twenty bits the spectacles lay,Matilda’s grandmamma Matilda spies.
There was a man, the man had no eyes,And the man went out to view the skies;The man saw a tree with apples on,The man took no apples off, and left no apples on.
There was a man, the man had no eyes,
And the man went out to view the skies;
The man saw a tree with apples on,
The man took no apples off, and left no apples on.
Little Bo-peep has lost Bo-peep’s sheep,And does not know where to find the sheep;Leave the sheep alone till the sheep come home,And bring the sheep’s tails behind the sheep.
Little Bo-peep has lost Bo-peep’s sheep,
And does not know where to find the sheep;
Leave the sheep alone till the sheep come home,
And bring the sheep’s tails behind the sheep.
Matilda dashed the spectacles awayTo wipe Matilda’s tingling eyes;And as in twenty bits the spectacles lay,Matilda’s grandmamma Matilda spies.
Matilda dashed the spectacles away
To wipe Matilda’s tingling eyes;
And as in twenty bits the spectacles lay,
Matilda’s grandmamma Matilda spies.