ANDBUTSO&cBE GOOD AND YOU·WILL·BE·HAPPY CONJUNCTION
ANDBUTSO&cBE GOOD AND YOU·WILL·BE·HAPPY CONJUNCTION
“MY lord,” said Serjeant Parsing, the next time that the court assembled, “I must beg for your assistance. I have here a story—a very excellent story, as it seems to me; but somehow or other it will not go right—it has what you might call a jerky sound—as if you were riding over a corduroy road in a cart without springs, and were trying to talk between the bumps. I have asked all the Parts-of-Speech that are in court to help me, but none of them can give me any assistance.”
“Read the story aloud,” said the Judge, “and let us hear it.”
So Sergeant Parsing read—
“THE EAGLE ... THE RAVEN.
“An eagle pounced on a little lamb .... carried it off in his claws. A raven saw him fly .... thought he could do the same; .... he chose out the best .... biggest sheep of the flock, .... pounced down upon it; .... lo! .... behold! it was much too heavy .... it was much bigger .... himself, .... poor Mr. Raven only got his claws entangled in the wool .... when he tried to fly away he found it impossible to get free .... he was struggling .... the shepherd came .... caught him .... put him in a cage.”
“I see, I see,” said the Judge, “you want some words to join your sentences together. Noun, Pronoun, Article, Adjective, Verb, Adverb, Preposition, none of these will do. I have only two other Parts-of-Speech left on my list: that tiresome Interjection, who is, of course, no use, and Con——”
“Conjunction! Here you are, my lord,” said a bright cheery voice at the door, and Conjunction walked into court.
He had on a coat with brass buttons, and a cap like a railway guard’s, with C. J. marked on the front. Under his arm he had a bundle of iron hooks or tools—at least what you would have thought were iron hooks or tools, ifyou had seen them down in Matter-of-fact-land, and had not known any better. They were really his words.
“You are late, sir,” said the Judge, very sternly; “where have you been?”
“To tell you the truth, my lord,” answered Conjunction, “I have been for a little holiday trip on the Grammar-land Railway. The fact is, my turn was so long in coming, and the last time I was here your lordship broke up the court in such a temp——”
“A what, sir?” interrupted the Judge, angrily.
“A hurry, my lord,—in such a hurry, that I did not think we should meet again for some time; and so I just amused myself by a trip on the railway, where I am so often at work.”
“Very improper, indeed!” replied the Judge, “as if you were made to amuse yourself. Such a thing was never heard of before in Grammar-land. Ask Dr. Syntax whether conjunctions are used for amusement.”
“Conjunctions are used to connect words or sentences,” said Dr. Syntax, in his solemn unchanging voice, standing up to speak, and sinking down the moment he had finished.
“There!” said the Judge, “you hear what you are used for—to connect words or sentences—that is your work, and that is just what we have been wanting you for. You have kept the whole court waiting, while you have been takinga holiday, forsooth! Your very cap ought to shame you. Pray what does C. J. stand for?”
“Well, my lord, the folks in Matter-of-fact-land say that it stands for Clapham Junction, which is a big station down there, where a great many railways are joined together; and they say that I am the pointsman, who moves the rails and makes the trains run together, or apart, as the case may be; and I don’t know but what that’s as good a description of my work as the folks in Matter-of-fact-land could give. Only they ought to understand that our trains in Grammar-land are sentences, and my tools with which I join them together are my words—and,but,if,also, and so on. And here they are, Mr. Parsing, and heartily at your service, sir, if you like to make use of them;” and pulling the bundle from under his arm, Conjunction laid them down before Serjeant Parsing, with a bow.
“Thank you, my man,” said Serjeant Parsing, “one at a time, if you please. I will read my story again, and do you hand up a word that will fit, whenever I stop for it.”
So he read it again, and Conjunction put in the words as follows:—
“THE EAGLEANDTHE RAVEN.
“An eagle pounced on a little lambandcarried it off in his claws. A raven saw him fly,andthought he could do the same;sohe chose out the bestandbiggest sheep of theflock,andpounced down upon it;butlo!andbehold! it was much too heavy,forit was much biggerthanhimself,sopoor Mr. Raven only got his claws entangled in the wool,andwhen he tried to fly away, he found it impossible to get free;and whilsthe was struggling, the shepherd cameandcaught himandput him in a cage.”
“Ah,” said Judge Grammar, “yes, that is an improvement. I see, Conjunction, you have put inand,so,but,than,for,whilst. What other words have you?”
“I havebecause, my lord,” answered Conjunction. “Mr. Adverb asks ‘why?’ but I answer ‘because,’ which is much more useful. Any one can ask ‘why?’ but it is only a fellow like me, that knows how things work, that can answer ‘because.’”
“You need not boast,” said the Judge; “you only join the trains together, you know; you do not make them.Becauseis only useful on account of what comes after it; it would not tell us much if it stood alone. But what others have you?”
“I haveif, my lord; and though it is only a word of two letters, it makes a mighty difference many a time. How happy we should all beifwe could get just what we want.”
“Yes, yes, we know,” said the Judge; “‘ifwishes were horses, beggars would ride;’ but it is a very good thingthey are not. Now, Conjunction,ifyou have any more words, let us hearthem.”
“Except that I sometimes use my neighbours’ words as conjunctions, my lord,” answered Conjunction, “I think I have told you pretty well all. Here is a packet I put together:—
If,because,and,so,that,or,But,although,as,also,nor.”
If,because,and,so,that,or,But,although,as,also,nor.”
If,because,and,so,that,or,But,although,as,also,nor.”
If,because,and,so,that,or,
But,although,as,also,nor.”
“One more question,” said the Judge; “do you govern or agree with any of your neighbours?”
“Not I, my lord, I leave that for my betters. I am quite satisfied to join them together, and then leave them alone,” answered Conjunction.
“Then that will do for to-day. Brother Parsing, be good enough to send the following story to Schoolroom-shire, and tell them to give Conjunction a place on their slates among the other Parts-of-Speech, and mark down all his words for him. When that is done, I shall have some good news to tell you.”
The court then rose.
A NARROW ESCAPE.
A traveller in India one day strayed away from his companions, and went to sleep under a tree. When he awoke he saw, to his horror, the two bright eyes of a tiger, ready to spring upon him from a high bank. He leaped up torun away, but fell back again directly, for a large crocodile was coming towards him, with its great mouth open. He shut his eyes and waited in terror, for he heard the tiger spring. A tremendous noise followed; but he felt nothing. He opened his eyes, and lo! the tiger had sprung into the mouth of the crocodile; and while the two wild beasts were struggling, the traveller sprang up and ran away.