(These last few lines are played very quickly.Celiahas remained in chairR.ofL.table afterRaleighhas gone to card room.Aunt IdaandMadgeare standing up stage and those who have gone into the card room seat themselves in the following fashion, after the settling of partners in dumb show:Raleighis seated down stage, his back to the audience;Lady Trenchardto his right,Faradayto his left, andAdmiral Griceopposite him. They begin their game of bridge.Tarverhas gone upR.of sofa, getting a cigarette at head of table.Phyllisthrows herself lightly on the sofa on her knees, gathering upCelia'sletters and flourishing them at her.)
Phyllis. Celia, here are some letters for you.
Celia. (Crossing to chairL.of tableR.and sitting) Letters for me?
Phyllis. One is a big one. (GivesCelialetters, kneeling on sofa.)
Celia. I don't suppose any of them are very important.
Phyllis. (Pityingly) No, I don't suppose so.
Celia. (Looking at letters) Circulars. Circulars. (Tears open one envelope and takes out circular letter. Then seeing big envelope, says brightly as she picks it up and draws out fashion plates) Oh, spring fashions.
Phyllis. (With an air of superiority) Oh,youdon't want those. Give them tome.
(Celiasubmissively hands them, over, leaving large blue envelope on table.Phyllistakes them and sits on sofa withTarver,who has come down after lighting his cigarette. They hold hands, backs toCelia,looking at fashions.)
Celia. (Reading letter that she has opened) "Dear Sir or Madam: Having secured our unparalleled stock of sherry wine on a falling market----" (Drops envelope and opens another. Reads) "Dear Madam: You are cordially invited to attend our spring opening of household linens--"
Faraday. (Coming from card room) Madge, you will play?
Madge. No, thanks, I'll finish my letter. (Who has been talking toAunt Ida,goes back to writing table upR.and resumes writing.)
Faraday. (Disappointedly) And Phyllis doesn't.
Aunt Ida. Well, there's Celia.
Faraday. (Coming down toCelia,) God bless my soul! Of course, why did I forget?
Celia. Oh--that's all right, Father. (Cheerfully opening her letters) It's being done, you know.
Faraday. (ToTarverandPhyllis,who are seated on sofa, holding hands) Now, then, you two, none of that! No holding hands! (They rise quickly, looking embarrassed and facing father.) You are; not engaged yet, you know.
Celia. (Happily) Engaged? Phyllis and Mr. Tarver?
Faraday. (Reassuringly) No, no, certainly not. Nothing of the kind. Cheer up, my dear. (PattingCeliaon the shoulder) You don't suppose I would allow a chick likePhyllisto marry with you on my hands still?
Aunt Ida. (Who has been watching him and listening to him) William! (She takes him by the arm and they go up to the card room together.)
(There are now in the card roomGrice,Faraday,Steele,Raleigh,Lady TrenchardandAunt Ida.Aunt Idais out of sight.Raleigh,Lady Trenchard,GriceandFaradayare playing.Steeleis circulating about above table.Tarvergoes up in the morning room, sits left of table, and reads a magazine.Celiarises and goes toPhyllis,who meets her below sofa.)
Celia. Phyllis----?
Phyllis. (Eagerly) Oh, Celia, you don't really mind, do you? Just becauseyou can't--I mean, because youdon't wantto--get married, you won't try to stop Bobby and me, will you?
Celia. (In a hurt tone) Phyllis--dear----
Phyllis. (Relieved) I knew you wouldn't. ItoldBobby----!
Celia. And do you mean to say that Mr. Tarver---- (Controlling herself with effort) Phyllis, dear---- You ought to know--by now--there isn't anything I wouldn't do to make my littlest sister happy. (PattingPhyllison cheek.)
Phyllis. (Carelessly engrossed in her own affairs) Oh, of course, Iknowthat. But, Celia, you're quite mistaken and unjust about poor Bobby.
Celia. (Smiling, rather bitterly) Oh--I hope not, Phyllis. I--can't stand--injustice!
Phyllis. (Kneeling on stoolR.C.)But you are!In spite of all his worries and preoccupations about his election, Bobby takes thegreatest interestin you, Celia----
Celia. (CrossesC.Smiles ironically) Yes?
Phyllis. I tell youhe does!(Forgetting herself in her zeal) As soon as he has time, Bobby means to do everything he can to getAdmiral Grice to propose to you!
Celia. (Recoiling) What!!
Phyllis. (Crestfallen) Oh--I oughtn't to have told you, I suppose. But it's true, all the same. (Reproachfully) You don't appreciate Bobby'snoble nature, Celia. You don't know how Bobby realizes your--yourloneliness, Celia. Unless you could hear him talk about you, you'd never guess how much darling Bobbypitiesyou.
Celia. (In a changed voice) Phyllis. One moment, please---- (With an effort at calm) Do you mean to say that you and--and Mr. Tarver have been--been discussing--me? Oh! (Clenching her handkerchief.)
Phyllis. Notdiscussing---- (Self-righteously) Bobbywould not discussanybody. But--you see, Celia, we were all--Aunt Ida and all of us--talking, just in fun, about your having to wear Green Stockings once more at my wedding, and Bobby--(Laughs to herself) Darling Bobby,is so witty----!
Celia. Oh, yes--go on, Phyllis.
Phyllis. (Injured) Well, but he is.
Celia. Oh, yes--yes----
Phyllis. And so Bobby was just being most awfullysweetandsympatheticabout your--your position.
Celia. My position--! (Between her teeth) My--position! And so Mr. Robert Tarver was kind enough to express concern, was he--because there was no possible chance of any decent man ever wanting to marry me?
Phyllis. (Half frightened) Oh, Celia! (Rises.)
Celia. And he makes jokes about my stockings. (GoesL.to chairR.of tableL.and stands beside it.) I can hear his jokes!
Phyllis. Oh, Celia! Bobby is witty.
Celia. (Ironically) Yes, very.
Faraday. (In card room) I don't think much of that, Admiral.
Grice. (In card room) You don't? What's the matter with it?
(These last two lines are spoken hurriedly, almost together in card room, asCelia'sexpression conveys to the audience her sudden determination to invent her story.)
Celia. (With entire change of manner) Call him down here, Phyllis, please, and tell him I want to speak to him.
Phyllis. Celia! (Crossing to center) But why?
Celia. Oh, nothing. I only want to thank him, you know, about old Admiral Grice, and tell him that he need no longer complicate his anxiety about his election with worries about me or the color of my stockings.
Phyllis. (Startled) Why, Celia--what do you mean?
Celia. Well, you see--(Laughs)--I am not quite accustomed to announcing--myengagement.
Phyllis. (With undisguised amazement. Haltingly)Your engagement?Why--it's impossible.
Celia. Yes, that's what Mr. Tarver says. Well, now suppose we call him down here, Phyllis, and tell him he is mistaken.
Phyllis. Oh-Ce-lia! (EmbracesCeliagushingly. Rushes up toTarverand calling) Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby! (Tarverdrops his magazine,Phyllisdrags him downR.ofCelia.He is right ofPhyllis.) What do you think? Celia's engaged to be married.
Tarver. (Looks at her, greatly astonished, dropping his eyeglass) Never!
Celia. (Sarcastically) Thanks so much, Mr. Tarver, for your kind congratulations.
Phyllis. (Who has run up to card room, calling) Aunt Ida, Aunt Ida!
(Tarverpauses a moment and then goesR.,looking over atCeliaincredulously as he goes. He finally sits on fender.)
Celia. (Calling up toPhyllis) Oh, Phyllis, I only meant to tell you and Mr. Tarver.
Phyllis. (Excitedly. Bringing downAunt IdaextremeL.) Aunt Ida! Celia is engaged to be married.
Aunt Ida. (Coming down left of table and below table toCelia.Smiling happily) Darling--at last---- (KissesCelia.)
Phyllis. (Dances across to center) I can be married now.Ican be married now. (Runs across toMadgeand sits on piano stool.)
Aunt Ida. I knew that this would happen.
Celia. Did you, Aunt Ida? (These last two lines spoken hurriedly and together.)
Phyllis. Madge, what do you think? Celia is engaged.
Madge. (Rises, drops her pen in blank surprise)Not really!
(Phyllisruns toBobby,who is on fender, and they sit together, talking excitedly, and looking atCelia.)
Faraday. (Entering from card room. Testily) Now then, now then, can't you girls make a little less noise?
Madge. Oh, Father! (Rushes to him, brings himC.She isR.of him.) What do you think has happened? Celia is engaged to be married. (Pauses a moment to listen to ensuing dialogue and then runs up to card room and in dumb show tells others ofCelia'sengagement. They also in pantomime express surprise and incredulity. They come slowly out of card room.)
Faraday. God--bless--my--soul! (A broad grin breaks slowly on his face) Celia--engaged?
Celia. Why, yes, Father, if you have no objection to the prospect of my leaving you.
Faraday. Objection? (Joyfully) Why, I'm delighted, my dear girl, delighted.
(Aunt IdaandCeliaexchange glances andAunt Ida,disgusted atFaraday,goes up to card room and talks toEvelyn.)
Celia. Yes, Father, I thought you would be pleased.
Faraday. Pleased? (With mock sentiment) I hope I show a father's feelings when his eldest daughter proposes to--er--desert the home-nest. (Murmurs up in card room. Reverting to his former attitude of enthusiasm) And who is he? What's the d-e-a-r fellow's name? Eh, Celia?
(Evelyncomes down extreme left.Raleigh,GriceandSteeleupL.C.Aunt Idacomes back of chair, R.of tableL.Phylliskneels on sofa, facingCelia.Tarvercomes and sits in chair below fender.)
Madge. (Coming downR.C.) Yes, Celia, tell us all about him. Who is he? (SitsL.of tableR.)
Celia. (Standing by chairR.of tableL.Slowly) Well--he is in the army.
Raleigh. (Quickly toSteele) A soldier, eh?
Evelyn. What's his rank?
Celia. He's a cap--a colonel--dear--a colonel.
(Faradaycenter,GriceupL.C.,RaleighandSteeleupL.C.EvelynL.of tableL.)
Faraday. Colonel? What's his name?
Celia. (Pause) Smith.
(They all show pained surprise.)
Faraday. Smith?
Celia. Yes,JohnSmith.
Faraday. Smith--huh-- (Genially) Well, of course the dear fellow isn't to be held responsible for that. Eh, Admiral? (JoinsAunt IdaandGriceupC.)
Grice. (ToFaraday.Coming downR.C.) Miss Faradayengaged?You might knock me down with a feather. My dear, I congratulate yo--him, my dear,him.
Celia. (Smiling and shaking hands withGrice) Thank you, Admiral, thank you.
Raleigh. (UpL.C.toSteele) Engaged!
Steele. By George! (They contemplateCeliafrom a new point of view.)
Faraday. (UpR.C.withAunt Ida.Smiling broadly and rubbing his hands together) Good--old--John--Smith!
Evelyn. (Patronizingly) Well, Father, hemaybe one of thegoodSmiths, you know.
Madge. (From chairR.) If Celia would only stop being such a clam, and tell us.
Celia. But, Madge dear, I have told you.
Faraday. (Comes down stage toR.ofCelia) Well, Celia, I suppose he will be coming toseeus soon?
Celia. Oh, yes--father--after the war. (Leaning back on chairR.of tableL.)
Phyllis. (Quickly) The war?
(All show surprise and interest.)
Celia. Yes, you see he sailed this morning on board a troop ship, for Somaliland. It was just within an hour of his leaving that he--spoke to me.
Faraday. But during that hour he might have told you something about himself.
Phyllis. Oh, Father! How absurd! On occasions of that kind, an hour passes very quickly, (Turns toTarverand smiles.)
(All laugh.)
Faraday. Well, I remember that when I proposed to your mother, I told her my life historythree times overin the first hour. (Goes up stage.)
Evelyn. (Deprecatingly) Oh, Father! (ToCelia) What's his regiment?
Celia. Oh, it is a very good one, Evelyn dear. It's one of the West African ones, you know. It has green thing-a-majigs all down the front.
(Evelyngoes upL.and crossesR.)
Tarver. It sounds like a garden party.
Madge. Well, but--Celia-- (Rises, comes toCeliaand offers hand and passesCeliain front of her to chairL.of tableR.)
Phyllis. Oh, yes, do tell us.
Celia. (SittingL.of tableR.Eagerly, to get rid of the questions) But there is very little to tell.
(RaleighandSteeledrop downR.C.Evelynjoins them.Aunt Idais back ofCelia.GriceisC.MadgeL.ofCelia.Faradaydrops down behindCelia'schair toR.ofAunt Ida.They are new all grouped aboutCelia'schair, exceptTarver,who is in chair below fender. They all show smiling interest.)
Celia. Well, you see, we had been together in the house all the week--and--er--this morning I was in the garden--alone--and--and he joined me. (Pause.) And--er--it was then. (Covers her--face in mock confusion.)
(All laugh sympathetically.)
Phyllis. (From sofa) What did he say?
Celia. (Looks atTarverandPhyllisand waving towardTarver) Oh, you know.
(All laugh.)
Phyllis. And--are youhappy?
Celia. (Looking at group bending over her) Well, I really believe that this change will make a very great difference in my life.
Faraday. (PattingCeliaon shoulder) Well, I hope so, my dear child, I hope so. Now, let's go back and finish our rubber.
(There is a general bright buzz of conversation, such as "By jove!" "I'll bet it does," "Why, yes, Celia," "Well, I should think it would," "Indeed it will," etc.Faradaygoes up to card room withEvelyn,GriceandAunt Ida.They resume their bridge game in former positions.MadgecatchesTarver'seye and they join each other upR.,evidently talking aboutCelia'sengagement.Phyllisstops on sofa, talking across toCelia,asCeliaglances over the remaining envelopes and slips them into the large blue envelope, in view of audience.)
Raleigh. (ToSteele, L.C.) It's obvious that Smith didn't find it difficult.
Steele. (Who isR.ofRaleigh.Looking thoughtfully atCelia) No, he didn't. Perhaps, we have all been mistaken. You know she isn't so bad looking--if you look long enough. (Steelestarts to cross toCelia.Raleighstops him and goes over himself.Steelecomes back of chairL.)
Raleigh. Miss Faraday,Ihaven't congratulated you yet. I hope you won't go off to Southampton soon again. We all missed youdreadfullywhen you were away.
(Steeleshows impatience atRaleigh'stalking toCelia.)
Celia. I'm sure you did. My coming back as I've done seems to have made avery great difference.
Raleigh. Oh,great. Believe me,great. Well, you've every good wish of mine. (Gushingly extending his hand, whichCeliatakes amusedly.)
Celia. (Warmly) I am sure I have, Mr. Raleigh.
Faraday. (From card room) Come, Raleigh.
Raleigh. (Over his shoulder) But you threw down your cards.
Faraday. Well, I'm going to take them up again.
Grice. (Impatiently) Come along, Raleigh!
Steele. (Triumphantly motionsRaleighback to card room and eagerly takes his place besideCelia'schair) What Raleigh has just said, I most warmly echo, my dear Miss Faraday.
(Raleighreturns and takesSteeleby the arm.)
Raleigh. You are wanted over here, Steele.
(Celiawatches them with amusement.)
Steele. But I am cut out.
Raleigh. (TakingSteeleback to card room) Well, you can cut in again.
(Steelegoes reluctantly back to card room, protesting toRaleighand looking back over his shoulder atCeliaas he goes. Those in card room resume former positions and go on with bridge game.)
Madge. (Coming down toCeliaand putting her arms around her) Celia!
(Tarverstrolls up to morning room and sits right of table and begins reading again.)
Celia. Yes.
Madge. TheIndian Mailgoes out to-night-via Brindisi and Port Said.
Celia. Well?
Madge.Port Said. That's where letters to Somaliland will be transferred.
(Celiais startled.)
Phyllis. Oh, of course you must write to him. (Jumps up, runs up to writing tableR.C.,brings blotter from table, containing sheets of paper, envelopes, pens and ink, and puts them on magazine table; stands above and to theR.ofCelia.)
Celia. (Protestingly) But it's too late.
Madge. No, the post doesn't go until ten. You have just time.
Phyllis. (Opening blotting pad and ink well) You must, if it is only a note. He will be expecting something.
Celia. Oh, I couldn't write in such a hurry.
Phyllis. (Forcing pen intoCelia'shand) You must.
Celia. (Laughingly) Well, I can't write with you two at my elbows, you know.
(Madgegoes slowly up into card room, turning and smiling atCeliaas she goes.)
Phyllis. (Running up and around and down to foot of sofa) I shan't look. (Kneels on Chesterfield sofa, facingCelia) What do you call him?
Celia. (At a loss) I don't know.
Phyllis. (Surprised) You don't know?
Celia. (Recovering herself) I mean, dear, I use a pet name.
Phyllis. Oh, lovely, what is it?
Celia. Really, it's too absurd, you know, Phyllis. It's--it's--Wobbles.
Phyllis. (Laughing and surprised) Wobbles!
Celia. Yes, dear. Everybody calls him--Wobbles.
Phyllis. (Laughing) Celia, it's delicious. Fancy your being married to a man called Wobbles! (Pretending to write in the air) "My darling Wobbles." (Laughs and runs up toTarver,who is seated reading in the morning room, saying as she goes) Bobby, what do you think? (She tellsTarverthe name ofCelia'sfiance in dumb show as she sits opposite him.)
Celia. (Writing) "My darling Wobbles."
(Tarverlaughs. Laugh in card room.)
Celia. (Looks around to see that no one is overlooking or watching her. Writes) "I hardly know how to write you. It all seems too hauntingly beautiful to be true. I see your face everywhere--Wobbles. The very tulips have a look of you. Oh, dearest, don't get wounded in the war." (Leans back and laughs to herself) Good Heavens, when I got up this morning, did I ever think that I should be doing anything like this? (Resumes writing) "This is my first love letter, Wobbles, but even I know how it ought to end. Crosses, Wobbles, crosses. One, two, three, four, five, nought, nought, nought, nought, nought. To be taken as required. Thine forever. Celia Faraday." (Phylliscomes to right of sofa and hands envelope toCelia.) Thank you, dear. (Tarverstrolls down center, looking atCelia.Celiaturns letter face down on blotter to prevent its being seen byPhyllis.Then seeing that she is being scrutinised byTarverandPhyllis,she takes envelope fromPhyllis,places letter in it, addresses it and seals it. Addressing letter) "Colonel Smith, Field Force, Somaliland, Africa."
Tarver. I say, Miss Faraday.
Celia. Yes.
Tarver. I hope awfully thatyouwillhelpme in my election.
Raleigh. (Speaking from card room, turning in his chair and holding card aloft) Yes, it's just girls like you, Miss Faraday, who win the day.
Tarver. Righto!!
Grice. (Thumping the table) Have you none of that suit, sir?
Raleigh. (Whirling around and playing) Oh, yes, I beg your pardon.
(Madgecomes to desk, gets her letter, goes down to foot of sofa and hands it toPhyllis.Steelesees thatCeliahas finished letter and comes slowly downC.)
Celia. Of course, I will help you, Mr. Tarver. It's awfully nice to haveyouaskmefor help, you know.
Tarver. Oh, thanks awfully. (Goes up and around toPhyllis,who is on sofa, talks toMadgeandPhyllis.)
Steele. You have finished, Miss Faraday?
Celia. Yes.
Steele. May I put that letter in the box for you?
Celia. No, thanks. I will see to it.
Steele. Well--wouldn't you like to come and play a game of billiards?
Celia. No, thank you. I really must go and change my shoes. (Indicating her feet) You can see that these are quite damp.
Steele. (Most graciously) I can't be expected to see things so small as that. But--(Getting chair from left) Won't you let me talk to you for just a minute?
Celia. (Rising) I really must go and change.
(Steeledisconsolately and slowly puts back chair, leaving it turned on stage. He stands watchingCeliafor a moment, then walks upL.of tableL.,looking at big picture on left wall as he goes.Note:Evelynshould give him a signal whenCeliaexits.)
Madge. I will go with you, dear. (Goes to doorR.Iand takes the knob in her hand.)
(Tarversits on fender, leans over and talks intently toPhyllis.)
Celia. No, don't bother, Madgie.
Page 19
Madge. It's no bother. I have a lovely new frock I want to show you. You might want to copy it for your trousseau. (ExitR.)
Celia. (Puzzled) My trousseau? (Recovers herself) My trousseau, oh, yes, yes, my trousseau. (Looks quickly and vainly about for some place to hide letter, either in her dress or under the table. No one is looking atCeliaduring this business. She sees large blue envelope in which she has already placed two unopened letters.Note:The flap of this large envelope must be turned in. She quickly holds it up and slips the letter toSmithinside and hides it between the periodicals on lower end of table. She then looks around to see that no one has observed her and exits quicklyR.)
(Phyllisbeckons toTarverand he sits beside her on sofa. ImmediatelyCeliaexits,Steelestarts after her. When he gets downR.C.,Raleighrushes after him, carrying a card.)
Raleigh. Where are you going?
Steele. I thought perhaps Miss Faraday might let me put on her slippers.
Raleigh. (TakingSteeleby the arm) Well, she is not going to put them on in the hall. She has gone to her room. You come back here.
Grice. (Shouts loudly and bangs table and jumps up) Raleigh!
Faraday. Is this a game of bridge or a game of tag?
RaleighandSteele. I beg your pardon! (They rush back to card room andRaleighplays card that he has carried away.)
Faraday. There now, he revoked too, and that's game and rubber.
(Steelestrolls down extremeL.,goesR.a few steps and stands watching door whereCeliahas made her exit.)
Raleigh. (Coming downR.C.,also looking toward doorR.I) Do I owe anything?
(FaradaygoesC.up stage.GricecomesC.down stage.EvelyncomesR.ofL.table with a bridge score in her hand.)
Grice. (Coming down center above and to theL.ofRaleigh) Do you owe anything? You have revoked, lost the rubber, played the worst game I have ever seen, and now you ask if you owe anything. Yes, you owe Lady Trenchard three and six.
(RaleighturnsL.toEvelynand pays her.)
Faraday. (MovingR.toward morning room) Come and have a whiskey and soda.
Tarver. Whiskey and soda. What, ho! (He rises.)
(Grice,FaradayandTarverexit through morning room. EnterMartinL.Iwith salver.Steelestarts for doorR.Iand gets to door.Raleighgoes up to morning room. Just as he gets to the door, he seesSteele,who is about to exit afterCelia.)
Raleigh. No, you don't, Steele. You come along here.
(Steelegoes upR.of sofa and exits withRaleigh,protesting. There is a general lively subdued conversation during these exits.)
Martin. (When onlyPhyllisandEvelynare left on the stage) It is time for the letters, your Ladyship.
Evelyn. (GoesL.above table, adding up her bridge score and deferring the matter toPhyllis) Oh, Phyllis.
Phyllis. (Crossing toMartinwith letter thatMadgehas given her) Here's one of Mrs. Rockingham's. (MartincomesC.,takes it and turns to doorL.Phyllisturns backR.Stopping) Oh, Martin. (Martinstops at tableR.) Has Miss Faraday given you one?
Martin. No, Miss.
Phyllis. I will call her-- Wait a minute-- Perhaps she left it here. (Warn electrician for lights out.Phyllislooks about on table and writing desk, then returns to table. She aimlessly rummages through pile of periodicals at foot of table, knocking them off on the floor. In replacing them, she comes across blue envelope, and in picking this up by one corner, the letters thatCeliahas put in it, including the "Smith" letter, fall to the floor. She goes to replace the letters, sees the "Smith" letter, and speaks) Oh, here it is. (Reads address) Colonel John Smith, Somaliland. (Crosses and gives letter toMartinand he exitsL.I.She returns to table, places two of the magazines back on it, then the large blue envelope in which she has replaced other letters, and then the rest of the magazines on top of these. All this should be done quickly and unconsciously,Phyllishumming while she is doing it.)
Evelyn. (AfterPhyllishas replaced magazines) I wonder who he is. Oh, let's look him up in the army list. (Gets army list from book slide, tableL.)
Phyllis. Oh, let's. (Crosses toEvelynand together they turn over the pages to the S's. Reading) "Smith--Smith--Smith--Smith"-- Oh, here it is. "J. N. Smith, D. S. O."
Evelyn. (With mild surprise) Distinguished Service Order.
Phyllis. (Reading) "West African Rifles."
Evelyn. (CrossingR.to morning room) I suppose that's the man.
Phyllis. It must be. (Replaces army list in book slide and runs afterEvelyntoward morning room to electric light switch by door) The Rifles wear green thing-a-majigs on their tunics, don't they?
Evelyn. Yes, I think they do.