VTHE FINANCIAL BREAKDOWN
San Francisco, January 9th.
To Editor New York Newspaper, whichever gentleman or gentlemans does such useful work there.
Hon. Mr. Sir—This U. S. Kingdom, Mr. Editor, is now at present enjoying great panic of banking business. I do not participate in this calamity, because I am making less salary than required for banking surplus. Therefore I am not objecting to present money shake-down except because I have none, and yet frequently I hear of stock-jump falling down grade until it is broken and useless for finance. Yes, also several banking-business go under. “Under what?” is question for me. For reply I hear each get-poor gentleman say “Wall Street,” pointing to Augustus Heinz on map.
This thoroughfare, Wall Street, must be magnificent place for some persons to enjoy. My Cousin Nogi explain how about that avenue. “That is very rich place for gilding,” he response, “each sidewalk there is paved with gold moneywhich broker gentlemen do not care for. Stock exchange and many banking establishments there are constructed solidly of gold-brick.”
“Nogi,” I relate, “you often know something. Thank you to answer 5 questions which I have prepared upon letter-paper for reply.”
“Relate such troubles to some editors,” say Nogi taking derby to go call on Miss Mabel Sanjijo which he is engaged to marry when divorced. Therefore I supply those 5 questions about Financial trouble for you to look at, Mr. Sir:
1. When Stocks makes upstart motion why do it act so rather than stand stationary?2. When Stocks makes downstart movement, what for is the reason and what would stop it?3. Some gentlemen is called “broker”—what does he break to get such names?4. When money is lost in Wall St. can this be recovered by advertising in newspaper?5. Can you give Japanese Boy name and address of some honourable gentleman who might tell accurately what time some stocks will be making upstart movement soon?
1. When Stocks makes upstart motion why do it act so rather than stand stationary?
2. When Stocks makes downstart movement, what for is the reason and what would stop it?
3. Some gentlemen is called “broker”—what does he break to get such names?
4. When money is lost in Wall St. can this be recovered by advertising in newspaper?
5. Can you give Japanese Boy name and address of some honourable gentleman who might tell accurately what time some stocks will be making upstart movement soon?
Why do bank-houses burst? That is more easy answer than those questions about Wall St. jumping of stocks. Banks burst because there is nothing inside and pressure from outside causes cave in of walls. Why is there nothing inbanks when so bursted? Because persons makes runnings on these banks in order to take outside what is inside. Maybe one man have $1,000 in this bank-house. He go around to that place to see if these money is comfortable there.
“Is my thousand dollar remaining comfortable in this deposit?” he require of Hon. Pay-Teller.
“Yes, please,” respond this Financier, “all such moneys is right deposited where put.”
“Thanks to know, Mr. Banker,” retort American gentleman. “If you please, permit me to carry it from places to places in my pocket which I have.”
“You are obliged to it,” demand them Pay-Teller, and take $1,000 from deposit, where was, to pocket of American gentleman, where is. Soonly numberous American gentlemans learn about take-out of $1,000, so all make running-stampede to bank-house where they say to Pay-Teller:
“Giveuseach $1,000 to carry from places to places inourpockets which we have in our clothes!”
“You are obliged to it,” response the Pay-Teller. So he deposit $1,000 to all persons until bank-house bursts down and Wall St. enjoys frequent panic of fear.
This show plainly that bank-houses bursting is blame of people who do it.
Rich men enjoying poverty are much stabbed by financial breaking. Poor men enjoying large incomes of money are not so stung.
To avoid financial panic therefore persons should have too much wealthy for this. How to get this money is question for Japanese Boy. How did each great American gentleman acquire such millions? If Japanese Boy could know how, he might follow example of Industry Captains and get exhalted likewise. So I put on my derby to discover about this success in business.
To Hon. Mr. Strunsky who keep saloon I go with enquiry. Like all Irish gentlemen Mr. Strunsky is sweethearted when not enjoying angry fit.
“Tell me to know, Hon. Strunsky,” I examine, “how do this Rockefeller acquire such many things?”
“He is successful in grafting,” response Mr. Strunsky.
“Thank you to response how Hon. Harriman also do so?” I talk.
“He is fine grafter,” suggest this Irish gentleman.
“In what profession do Hon. Hill, Hon. Lawson & Hon. Rodgers train themselves for it?”
“Graft!” response Mr. Strunsky making blinking motion of eye.
Thanks so much to Mr. Strunsky I go away improved. I have now choosen career to which I shall apply my mental thought. Grafting profession is good thing for Japanese Boy to learn because this lead to famous success and renown in American life. Maybe I go back Japan and teach this knowledge in University of Tokyo.
To become great famous like Rockefeller, etc., must require so much book-study of grafting. Where to get such books? Walter W. Shoji, who study learning at California university, say that grafting is sometime teached by professors together with law-courses. I go to S. F. public library & there find volumes about farming, architecture, warfare, arithmetic, socialism & religion, but no book to tell how grafting should be done by a beginner wishing to do so.
Many persons speak of Hon. Abe Reuff, now residing in jail, as grafter. This do not be so. Grafters are famous gentlemen, and therefore must be great & good. This Hon. Reuff is not so, for why would he be there in that jail then? He is so caged up for dishonestness. I would not study grafting of dishonest man, because he might not teach me right. What did Wm.Shakespeare, the great book-maker, say so? “Act well your part, others take notice.”
Hon. Sir, do you pay cash-money for poetical thought like following rhythm?
Noble man, you tell me soSomething I require to know?Where I go and what I doLearn be wealthy man like you?Money-kingPulling string,Up-stock, down-stock, everything!Many person say to me,“Save your money like John D.”—Have to save much long to getHundred million dollar yet!Start too late,No can waitSave up cash at such slow rate.Other person speak more frank,“Go take shoot-gun, hold up bank.”That way sinful, for I knowHonest Grafter not do so.Where you takeWhat you make?Tell me how for mercy sake!Some folks say, “It not wise planGet-rich-quick from stock-talk man.”John get-rich-quick by such game—Why not Jap Boy do the same?One—two—three,Out goes he—John stay in (that place for me!)Tell me, please, what thing I need,What course study, what book read,Make Success of all can do,Be Great Grafter same like you?Be great man,Make all can,Teach this Graft to dear Japan.
Noble man, you tell me soSomething I require to know?Where I go and what I doLearn be wealthy man like you?Money-kingPulling string,Up-stock, down-stock, everything!Many person say to me,“Save your money like John D.”—Have to save much long to getHundred million dollar yet!Start too late,No can waitSave up cash at such slow rate.Other person speak more frank,“Go take shoot-gun, hold up bank.”That way sinful, for I knowHonest Grafter not do so.Where you takeWhat you make?Tell me how for mercy sake!Some folks say, “It not wise planGet-rich-quick from stock-talk man.”John get-rich-quick by such game—Why not Jap Boy do the same?One—two—three,Out goes he—John stay in (that place for me!)Tell me, please, what thing I need,What course study, what book read,Make Success of all can do,Be Great Grafter same like you?Be great man,Make all can,Teach this Graft to dear Japan.
Noble man, you tell me soSomething I require to know?Where I go and what I doLearn be wealthy man like you?
Noble man, you tell me so
Something I require to know?
Where I go and what I do
Learn be wealthy man like you?
Money-kingPulling string,Up-stock, down-stock, everything!
Money-king
Pulling string,
Up-stock, down-stock, everything!
Many person say to me,“Save your money like John D.”—Have to save much long to getHundred million dollar yet!
Many person say to me,
“Save your money like John D.”—
Have to save much long to get
Hundred million dollar yet!
Start too late,No can waitSave up cash at such slow rate.
Start too late,
No can wait
Save up cash at such slow rate.
Other person speak more frank,“Go take shoot-gun, hold up bank.”That way sinful, for I knowHonest Grafter not do so.
Other person speak more frank,
“Go take shoot-gun, hold up bank.”
That way sinful, for I know
Honest Grafter not do so.
Where you takeWhat you make?Tell me how for mercy sake!
Where you take
What you make?
Tell me how for mercy sake!
Some folks say, “It not wise planGet-rich-quick from stock-talk man.”John get-rich-quick by such game—Why not Jap Boy do the same?
Some folks say, “It not wise plan
Get-rich-quick from stock-talk man.”
John get-rich-quick by such game—
Why not Jap Boy do the same?
One—two—three,Out goes he—John stay in (that place for me!)
One—two—three,
Out goes he—
John stay in (that place for me!)
Tell me, please, what thing I need,What course study, what book read,Make Success of all can do,Be Great Grafter same like you?
Tell me, please, what thing I need,
What course study, what book read,
Make Success of all can do,
Be Great Grafter same like you?
Be great man,Make all can,Teach this Graft to dear Japan.
Be great man,
Make all can,
Teach this Graft to dear Japan.
Arthur Kickahajama, missionary boy, come me to-day and make tearful cries because I have decided to be Grafter instead of learning missionary job. When he know that I am firmtooth to my purpose he tell me this story about antique Japan:
Seven million years previously to the present Japan dynasty the great philosopher Nichi Nichi sat down to make fishing-sport by small stream-creek of Yeddo. While engaged in putting angly-worm bait on fish-hook he look down in stream-creek and observe twelve thousand sucker-fish in water making eye-wink at angly-worm bait.
“This would be remarkable luck for Japanese fisherman,” he respond, dipping angly-worm in puddle. But sucker-fish no care for diet just then and perch on bottom making smiles through gills.
Nichi Nichi is excited by obstinacy of sucker-fish. He put on caterpillar-bait. Nothing to do. He try corn-beef diet for fishes. They refusal, thank you. He spit on bait to bring favour of fish-god. Sucker-fish not care for this pains-taking, howeverly.
Then philosopher Nichi Nichi enjoy angry rage throwing fish-pole to grass, tearing beard and speeching these:
“O tell me, sucker-fish, is it not truth that you are reputed most easy of all fish that practise swimming in these brook near Yeddo?”
And them twelve thousand sucker-fish, making smiles through gills, raise fins to universal sky and response,
“Oh Nichi Nichi, philosopher, we are that.”
“Then tell me to know, idiotic waggle-tails, why you no care for delicious baits I provide for eating?”
“Because this,” reject all them fish together flipping tails to dog-star, “we have ate them baits before—caterpillar, angly-worm, corn-beef—we have ate and been catched by those. Never again, thank you so much.”
“Oh, quite well!” exclamation that great man. “Then I shall offer you some new rare bait which fishes shall eat only this once time, because so scarce to get.”
With these remark the wise Nichi Nichi take all baits off from hook. Then he drop bare hook in stream. All them sucker-fish cease to smile with gills and make hungry grab at hook, because this (they thinked to themselves) was such rare chance.
As consequence of this excitement Nichi Nichi catch 12,000 sucker-fish in 1 hour 20 minutes. These he made into canned salmon and grow very wealthy from such a Graft.
At time of death-bed he remarked to wife and children, “It would be sinful to waste good Bait on poor Fishes.”
So this proverb is pasted on all important Japanese tombs today:
“The gods have fixed the little brooks so that one sucker-fish is born each minute by clocktime. Who shall catch him, you or I?”
Hoping your printing-factory is doing good by all news and best wishes to friends,
Yours truly,
Hashimura Togo.