XIEDUCATION IN AMERICAN LANGUAGE
San Francisco, April 10th.
To Fashionable Creator of Newspaper Talk.
Dear Mr.—When first time your printer put-in my letter I am so happy I feel very discouraged to write more. “Banzai! I shall make literary career of myself!” This shout from me. Literary writing must be good job for all Americans not fit for honest work. I am understood to be told that Hon. Jack London receive for price from 15c to 20c for each word he make. This is so very easy way it appear deceptive. How should I prosper in such a Graft! At 20c for each word how happy for Japanese Boy! By early morning I should go to fashionable American restaurant and require of Waiter, “Hon. Sir., deliver to me 1 plate ham & 2 eggs, please!” This would be the number of 12 words @ 20c per word—therefore bringing me the price $2.40! Breakfast might cost 75c, Waiter might require 25c to tip himself, yet Waiter must still owe Japanese Boy $1.40, which is balance of $2.40 for them 12 words I said.
Immediately I became great Author in my brain-thoughts. I make running stampede to publick Library and read “12th Night,” by Shakespeare of England and “Friday the 13th” by Lawson of Boston, so as to learn both ends of the American language. I learn considerable extinct vocabulary from both of these gentlemen, then I set down with ink-stand to write 1 letter to you.
It is not equal to human justice, Mr. Editor, that you send me $4.34 in postage stamps as reply payment to this. What to do with these stamps? 217 2c postages require considerable correspondence to get away from. To waste these postages I have wrote following correspondence:
1. To New York Newspaper already 10 letters which you know of.2. To Uncle Hashimura of Kobe, 6 letters of painful truth.3. To Miss Alice Furioki, pleasant lady of yellow extraction, 13 letters on sweetheart subjects.4. To Pres. Roosevelt, King Edward, F. Augustus Heintz & Eugene Schmitz 48 total letters.
1. To New York Newspaper already 10 letters which you know of.
2. To Uncle Hashimura of Kobe, 6 letters of painful truth.
3. To Miss Alice Furioki, pleasant lady of yellow extraction, 13 letters on sweetheart subjects.
4. To Pres. Roosevelt, King Edward, F. Augustus Heintz & Eugene Schmitz 48 total letters.
These make all together 77 stamps used up. Therefore I have got remaining in my pocket 140 stamps, many of which is ruined by wear. In next payment for my literary letters would you be so regardless as to make reply in nickel-pieces?These moneys is small, but very good for Japanese education. Thanks so many!
If I could get good job somewhere writing novel-books I would learn this American language, which is hard thing to do because so full of words. American gentlemen I have speaked to employ the 2 following kinds of conversation:
1. Kind what is discovered in Dixionary book.2. Kind what is not there.
1. Kind what is discovered in Dixionary book.
2. Kind what is not there.
In Dixionary of Hon. Noah Webster there contain 26,000 language-words to talk. It took this gentleman lifetime to do so. To speak American language it is necessary to learn them 26,000 natural words, which I have did, thank you. But it is useless to try so hard because Elsewhere-words is commonly used for conversation. Where must Japanese Boy go to obtain such talk?
My cousin Nogi explain this answer. He say that Elsewhere-words of American mans is called “Slank,” which means “talking-with-words-that-is-found-here-and-there.” Dixionary talk is good for church sociables, high-schools, and professors; Slank talk is good for riots, prize-fighting, newspapers, colleges, and all kinds of energy. Both are good ways to know.
Frequently in walking about sidewalk I hear gentlemans cry, “24 for you!” This is signal for great laugh which all do. I can not tell whento, so I do not. What then is so humoristic about this number “24”? Would not number 12 or number 14 do equally fine for laughing purposes? I require to know.
Lemons, too, is comic fruit for Slank-talking persons. Joking-gentlemans deliver these lemon fruit to each other for holiday gift. It is insulting not to laugh when this is done.
To-day I speak to Hon. Mr. Strunsky, Irish gentleman, about Hon. W. J. Bryan, late President of these Uniteds State.
“Where has he fell to?” I require for answer.
“This Bryan man is dead one,” report Hon. Strunsky.
“So sorry—I shall wear mourning for this good man,” I reject.
“Tall timber is place for you,” resume this Strunsky man with laughing eye.
“So sorry not to do,” I say back, “because forest is far distant from great city.”
“Then pursue self around this block, Hon. Togo,” he compel. I do so, thank you. But while exercising I stop with abrupt brain-thought. Them words of Mr. Strunsky was less Dixionary talk than Slank talk! Tell me, Mr. Editor, how should I translate them conversation of Strunsky into Japanese?
It is disadvantage of American language thatgentlemen cannot be insulting to each other without some impoliteness. One gentleman meet some other gentleman at saloon-corner. Making step-up to each other one gentleman explain,
“You are a pill!”
Immediately following noises are enjoyed:
1. Night cry.2. Broken property.3. Approach of ambulance.4. Silence.
1. Night cry.
2. Broken property.
3. Approach of ambulance.
4. Silence.
In Japan, among top-classes, trouble is enjoyed more peaceably. Suppose Count Noku desire to have insult with Baron Obi. They shall meet at lunch, thank you, to talk this. They first disgust their appetites with tea, cigarettes, Japanese ginger-snaps, conversation. Finally at last Count Noku say to Baron Obi,
“Esteemed & high-horse Samurai, would you care to have insult for me?”
“Magnificent Count,” say this Obi, “it is your exalted privilege to insult me.”
“Thank you for the benefit,” say this Noku, “I will do so.” And so saying this he pull one hair from head of that Obi.
“Ouch, thank you, I am insult!” retort Baron Obi. Following this there is quiet hara-kiri with table-knife.
At food-stand of Mr. Swartz I often lunch there for economy. Best nourishment may be obtained for 5c by ordering 3 sausages from Frankfurter Germany with slice of toast.
Yesterday I go as customary to this. As customary I say, “Give me the same, those 3 sausages from Frankfurter.”
And Mr. Swartz, turning to cookeryman, cry with voice:
“Hot-dog!”
Therefore I must not eat them food because it is cannibalism. If Mr. Swartz is not speaking Slank talk, then he should be sent to prison for Pure Food Laws.
You may see, Mr. Sir., how it is not safe to go around in this U. S. without sufficient Slank words. Japanese schoolboys might be poisoned by eating something which is Slank for something else. To example this danger, my cousin Nogi say how Hon. Casey of Labouring Union is “a lobster.” I am very fond to eat lobster, but I should disgust to eat this Mr. Casey.
I have been collecting them Elsewhere-words all day and have congregated quite a cluster of Slank talk which I shall put into Dixionary for Japanese Schoolboys. I am very excited when I think of this vocabulary. I have arranged many of them raggle-time speeches into followingpoetical thought which I was misfortune enough to sent with 2c postage to Miss Alice Furioki, lady I tell you I was engaged to marry with:
How do I stand in relation to you, O Peach?Is Japanese Boy A. no. 1 or twenty-third in line for your misbehaving eyes?Peek-a-boo, I am on the wink,I am batty in thoughts,Also insect-house, because my heart is mashed!It would JAR you to know!Do not give me the refusal on neck,Do not see me with glass-eye.Or present frost-mitten with cod-fish expression,O exquisite one; O tootsy-woot,O Pansy.Must I remain infinitely distant among waving of Tall Grass?Or must I get more closer, more cozy-corner,More next?Can not this Japanese be candy-boy for you,Sure-thing, bet-your-life, O joy?To be Johnny-on-dot for you,To pay steady car-fare (when possible)This would be ticket for Girl Proposition.Such a cheese!On the death, are you giving me some string,Are you hot-airing me?How about waiting at church?Will it be yet, if not soon?I require for answerAs p. d. q. as possible, O Fluffy Ruffles—OtherwiseNo wedding gong for Japanese Boy!
How do I stand in relation to you, O Peach?Is Japanese Boy A. no. 1 or twenty-third in line for your misbehaving eyes?Peek-a-boo, I am on the wink,I am batty in thoughts,Also insect-house, because my heart is mashed!It would JAR you to know!Do not give me the refusal on neck,Do not see me with glass-eye.Or present frost-mitten with cod-fish expression,O exquisite one; O tootsy-woot,O Pansy.Must I remain infinitely distant among waving of Tall Grass?Or must I get more closer, more cozy-corner,More next?Can not this Japanese be candy-boy for you,Sure-thing, bet-your-life, O joy?To be Johnny-on-dot for you,To pay steady car-fare (when possible)This would be ticket for Girl Proposition.Such a cheese!On the death, are you giving me some string,Are you hot-airing me?How about waiting at church?Will it be yet, if not soon?I require for answerAs p. d. q. as possible, O Fluffy Ruffles—OtherwiseNo wedding gong for Japanese Boy!
How do I stand in relation to you, O Peach?Is Japanese Boy A. no. 1 or twenty-third in line for your misbehaving eyes?Peek-a-boo, I am on the wink,I am batty in thoughts,Also insect-house, because my heart is mashed!It would JAR you to know!Do not give me the refusal on neck,Do not see me with glass-eye.Or present frost-mitten with cod-fish expression,O exquisite one; O tootsy-woot,O Pansy.
How do I stand in relation to you, O Peach?
Is Japanese Boy A. no. 1 or twenty-third in line for your misbehaving eyes?
Peek-a-boo, I am on the wink,
I am batty in thoughts,
Also insect-house, because my heart is mashed!
It would JAR you to know!
Do not give me the refusal on neck,
Do not see me with glass-eye.
Or present frost-mitten with cod-fish expression,
O exquisite one; O tootsy-woot,
O Pansy.
Must I remain infinitely distant among waving of Tall Grass?Or must I get more closer, more cozy-corner,More next?Can not this Japanese be candy-boy for you,Sure-thing, bet-your-life, O joy?To be Johnny-on-dot for you,To pay steady car-fare (when possible)This would be ticket for Girl Proposition.Such a cheese!
Must I remain infinitely distant among waving of Tall Grass?
Or must I get more closer, more cozy-corner,
More next?
Can not this Japanese be candy-boy for you,
Sure-thing, bet-your-life, O joy?
To be Johnny-on-dot for you,
To pay steady car-fare (when possible)
This would be ticket for Girl Proposition.
Such a cheese!
On the death, are you giving me some string,Are you hot-airing me?How about waiting at church?Will it be yet, if not soon?I require for answerAs p. d. q. as possible, O Fluffy Ruffles—OtherwiseNo wedding gong for Japanese Boy!
On the death, are you giving me some string,
Are you hot-airing me?
How about waiting at church?
Will it be yet, if not soon?
I require for answer
As p. d. q. as possible, O Fluffy Ruffles—
Otherwise
No wedding gong for Japanese Boy!
These answer from that lovely Japanese come back by gallop response:
Dear Sir—Your poetry in Swedish language is here, thank you to understand. I shall ask Hon. Mrs. Johannessenn to translate this, if respectable. I am not awaiting some reply for this. Yours thankfully,Alice Furioki(Miss).
Dear Sir—Your poetry in Swedish language is here, thank you to understand. I shall ask Hon. Mrs. Johannessenn to translate this, if respectable. I am not awaiting some reply for this. Yours thankfully,
Alice Furioki(Miss).
Perhapsly, Mr. Editor, you had more better postpone my wedding with her. Besides this she has recently married my cousin Nogi, which is very selfish act.
In Japan there is a quaint rhythm-song which is sang by all philosophers and gentlemen engaged for marriage. It is like these in Japanese.
Ichi-ho, pachi-ko,Nagasaki run—Sago-man, koko-man,Bun, bun, bun!
Ichi-ho, pachi-ko,Nagasaki run—Sago-man, koko-man,Bun, bun, bun!
Ichi-ho, pachi-ko,Nagasaki run—Sago-man, koko-man,Bun, bun, bun!
Ichi-ho, pachi-ko,
Nagasaki run—
Sago-man, koko-man,
Bun, bun, bun!
This words when translated to American say like these: “Going around makes returning in circles, but continuing that may keep up.” This is very wise poem—but what does it mean? In some way it are like American Slank talk.
All well here except J. Furo, who is not.
Yours truly,
Hashimura Togo.