XIIIFLIGHTY NAVIGATION OF AIR
San Francisco, June 2d.
To Editor New York Newspaper which sores alof like eagly-bird which have a noble habit of being flighty.
Dearest Sir—I am given to be understood by newspaper information that Right Bros, famous airnots, has solved problemb of air navigation again by very delicious wreckage. Them Right Bros fly-tests is always shot off with entire secrecy, so that Japanese navy won’t be there to represent itself. This time them sky-boat manoever were witnessed by less than 2,000 persons, mostly reporters, inventors & foreign powers, who seen very nicely from bushes 25 miles away where they was hid out of range of Hon. Right’s shoot-gun.
New airship of Right Bros is called Mud Hen II., because them crafts should all be named after some bird what they act like. Hon. Bell’s air-boat are called “White Wings” because they never grow weary of trying to. That Mud Hen II. are a 6-cylinder, runabout type of airoplanebuilt on model of 3 pancakes and worked with strings which Hon. Right have attached to thumbs & toes. To start them ship Hon. Right lays himself on stummick and runs the engine with his teeth. When he wish to go up he raise elbows & depresses toes. When he wish to come down he stand on his head.
On this trip Right Bros start navigating from Killed Devil Hill, which is in Southern states. After considerable scientifick prepare them ship were seen to make following emotion:
1—It went up.2—It came down.
1—It went up.
2—It came down.
After successful flight Orville Right were found comfortably setting on his airship in middle of Elkins swamp. Except for 2 wings fraxured, engine twisted off, propeller gone & framework on fire, them machinery landed without a mishap. Hon. Right were congratulating himself by shaking his broken hand.
Hon. Reporter from McClunsey’s Magazine came up to say: “I represent it.”
Silence from Hon. Right.
“What natural views do you possess of mind about future development of airoplanes for carrying persons for traffick?” require Hon. Muckrake.
“I refuse to answer,” response Hon. Right with E. H. Harriman signals.
“Oh so hurrah!” collapse them Hon. Reporter. “I got scoop news for McClunsey’s Magazine.Hon. Right have spoke for first time!!”
Mr. Editor, I am morely assured that aireal navigation will be very cheap sport for poor mans. Hickory wood are cheap, canvas are cheap, nails are cheap & life are cheap. All them is necessary for one good airship. You can borrow 1 gas-engine from another automobile. Next choose some bird what look safe & intelligent & built your fly-machine to resemble it. If you admire for pidgeons, then built one pidgeon-toe air-plane. If you think hawks is most pleasant fliers, all well; then make a hawkish air-boat. Nail all them airship together with considerable canvas & light hickory corners, fasten on them gas-engine what you have borrowed, carry such machinery to vacant plains & teach it to fly like the bird what you admire most much.
All airships can fly, but some of them is very hard to teach.
Last yesterday I was tooking a feet-walk by lonesome hill of Berkeley. Among daisy-cup grassy of steep slope I seen some machinery in attitude of mechanical expectation. It were a very cross-looking machinery like a bisickel whose mother was a sail-boat. Several Hon.Professors was standing around to encourage Hon. Airnot with statistick about dying for science. Hon. Airnot speak of relatives in Kansas City and regret sinful youth with considerable paleness.
“What you so trembly for?” eject Professor with Ben Tillman expression. “Are it possibly that you are afraid to go up?”
“O earnestly no!” collapse them Airnot, “I are entirely fearless about going up but it are thoughts of going down what give me them quaker feeling at elbow.”
More excitable preparation then. One Professor arrive with tex-book entitle, “How Do It to Fly”; yet some other bring telescope for see him long off. One medical Doctor was also present with muck-rakes, etc., so as to scrape them Airnot off trees in case of. Nervous tense enjoyed by all.
So Hon. Airnot say farewell speek to persons present, including Hon. Wife who was in Chicago. He also mention several technical terms with considerable emotion & all Scientists present weep with eyes. Next he place self carefully to seat with assistants of one Irish man what was there merely to labour. Silence for pulses.
“Are you ready?” inquire Hon. Professor with voice.
“O banzai! Whirr of angry rages from engine”
“O banzai! Whirr of angry rages from engine”
“Are!” response them birdy hero.
“Then go it!” suggest Hon. Professor. Awful breathlessness. Hon. Airnot with brave grasp of wrist throw handle-crank to start engine. Nothing happen. Surprise from all. Hon. Airnot then speak automobile language & pull more crank-wheel with thumbs. Complete indifference from them engine.
“Chaloric energy are hypnotized,” say one Scientist who supposed he knew.
“You have forgot-it to put in gasolene,” corrode Irish man what was there to labour.
“So have!” say Airnot. So Hon. Gasolene was poured to engines with can.
Once more prepare to start. Hon. Airnot take seat. Quick jerk to crank-handle. O banzai! Whirr of angry rages from engine. Entire fly-machine get palpitation to resemble rooster severed from its brains. Irish man give shove, & complete bird-boat motor along ground on bisickel wheels. More fast & more faster it go, kicking up pebbles in frantick enjoyment, some time rising to astonishy hight of ¼ inch, now & yet bumptious to large stone and appearing anxious to fly, but not sure how; till of suddenly it make very restful flop against fence-post & stop desiring to continue.
Loud shouting from all Airo Clubs present.
“I ask to know,” I require, “for why does all make such pagan noise of gladness?”
“For following reason,” decrop one Professor, “because aireal navigation are solved.”
“All airships is modeled to resemble some kind of birds,” I say for interview. “Some to resemble sparrows, some to resemble hawk—what species of birdy are this fly-boat modeled to resemble?”
“It are modeled to resemble a ostrich,” say Hon. Airnot, picking up some fingers he lost.
“But a ostrich are not able to fly,” I snuggest.
“Neither are this airship,” say Hon. Airnot in whispering voice so as U. S. Govt might not overheard.
So all sujurn to Airo Club banquet with exception of Hashimura Togo & Hon. Irish which was not invited. We set together on grassy hill for slight conversation about human progress.
“Of surely, Mike,” say Irish with smoke-pipe of dangerous shortness, “airshipping are a grand sporty.”
“It are still a low-down science,” I mangle.
“Why a package of fools should do it, I am willing to be searched,” he dib. “They spend 1,000’s of dollar to make such a mechanical rooster what we seen this afternoon. They work for 2 year to nail it together, they hire famousAirnot from Kansas City, they get names in paper & all Science must stop thinking about serious things because they are so excited. Then great day arrive. All ready—whoof!$6,000 air-boat make flopping emotion and go bust by fence-post. Everybody happy to go home & construpt more airboats.”
“Great things of World are built in them way,” I corrode for dignity.
“Southern Pacifick Railway were not built in them way, you can bet it,” say Irish.
“It will be a cheap way to travel in future,” I nudge.
“It are not cheap way to travel in present,” decry that Hon. Irish. “By counting up all axidents, break-ups, refusals to go, unwillingness to stay up when started there, etc., it are computed by Scientists that airships has cost $1,000 for every yard they has flew through air.”
“Such an expensive car-fare!” I derange.
“Rates like them should be regulated by Congress,” negotiate Hon. Irish, collecting together fractional pieces of airship what was strewed apart over hillside.
Arthur Kickahajama, missionary boy, are being a heathen awhile this summer because it are vacation, and because his derby was thieved bysomebody at a Church Sociable. Missionary lady say him, “Arthur, you should be a sunshine.” He-say, “Too much sunshine creates headache. I think I shall put up a umbrella for a temporary time.”
Therefore Arthur are very sinical & pessimons when he speak of air navigation & human races.
“Airships,” say Arthur, “are like souls of people. There are continuous talk about elevating human race; but alarmingly seldom does souls get far enough off the ground to create much disturbance.”
“Some souls is like baloons,” I mitigate. “They has lofty tendencies, they are filled of gas. They go up & stay there where it is.”
“It are easy to be ideal like a baloon,” say Arthur. “But it are hard to be ideal like a airship. To go up on lofty thought & stay up there floating around without getting nowhere, that are job what lots persons do & say, ‘O my, I are so High Mind!’ But to go for trip in high air & know where you will arrive at—thatare job for seldom and rare individuals. Such toply navigators can discover North Pole and become familiar with stars. They are not baloonists—they are Poets....”
“Poets are continually getting bumped to Earth,” I indulge.
“Excuse me so,” say Arthur, obtaining cigarettes from me, “when not a Christian I am a free-thinking Japanese.”
“When thinking freely you are most relidgous,” I commute.
So we close up by singing of following song-sing which sound very peculiar to musick of samisen, which is a Jewish harp made in Yeddo:
O ko-ko sanO suki-ranHashimura ichi-ban!Bun-bun!In sufficiently old-fashion timeOf Japanese history,When Adam & Eve was considered late,Bashi-Bashi, great Poeter,Was a-laying near stream in Hokadate.Drowdy song of hum-beeWas seen going aroundStinging sweet flower for honey.Hon. Bashi-Bashi were full of considerable lazy poetry.Pretty soonlyA Tommy Hawk-bird come flattering by & perch on lim of tree.“I wish I could flew away like a Tommy Hawk-bird,” say Bashi-Bashi, because he was a Poet.“Why you wish it?” require them fowel.“Because,” say Poet with music,“As I was a fly-high animal like you,Then I might goTo Emperor of JapanAnd get some salary.Then I might fly to lettuce-windowOf love-ladyAnd decry,‘Have Bashi-Bashi, Japanese poeter, got some chances with you?’”“Such a ha-ha!” salute them Hawk-bird,“I have flew around for years,And never did no such thing.”“What you did with them power to flew?” requite Poet.“I use it,”Say Hawk-bird,“For respectable purpose;I are a married Tommy hawk—What would wife & eggs say,If I was seen flewing around strange lettuce-windowsWith a voice full of sonnets?”No reply for him.“I have also fly to Emperor of Japan,”Say Hawk-bird.“What he say?” demand Poet.“He-say, ‘Shoot them HawkFor stealing roostersFrom Royal Coop!’”O ko-ko sanO suki-ran!Bashi-Bashi lay silentlyNear water-cress of silverous stream.“Things what persons need,” he-say,“Can be obtained by walking for them, or taking bisickel, or else they are not to be had nohow.”Then he go sleep,Filled with lazy poetry.
O ko-ko sanO suki-ranHashimura ichi-ban!Bun-bun!In sufficiently old-fashion timeOf Japanese history,When Adam & Eve was considered late,Bashi-Bashi, great Poeter,Was a-laying near stream in Hokadate.Drowdy song of hum-beeWas seen going aroundStinging sweet flower for honey.Hon. Bashi-Bashi were full of considerable lazy poetry.Pretty soonlyA Tommy Hawk-bird come flattering by & perch on lim of tree.“I wish I could flew away like a Tommy Hawk-bird,” say Bashi-Bashi, because he was a Poet.“Why you wish it?” require them fowel.“Because,” say Poet with music,“As I was a fly-high animal like you,Then I might goTo Emperor of JapanAnd get some salary.Then I might fly to lettuce-windowOf love-ladyAnd decry,‘Have Bashi-Bashi, Japanese poeter, got some chances with you?’”“Such a ha-ha!” salute them Hawk-bird,“I have flew around for years,And never did no such thing.”“What you did with them power to flew?” requite Poet.“I use it,”Say Hawk-bird,“For respectable purpose;I are a married Tommy hawk—What would wife & eggs say,If I was seen flewing around strange lettuce-windowsWith a voice full of sonnets?”No reply for him.“I have also fly to Emperor of Japan,”Say Hawk-bird.“What he say?” demand Poet.“He-say, ‘Shoot them HawkFor stealing roostersFrom Royal Coop!’”O ko-ko sanO suki-ran!Bashi-Bashi lay silentlyNear water-cress of silverous stream.“Things what persons need,” he-say,“Can be obtained by walking for them, or taking bisickel, or else they are not to be had nohow.”Then he go sleep,Filled with lazy poetry.
O ko-ko sanO suki-ranHashimura ichi-ban!Bun-bun!
O ko-ko san
O suki-ran
Hashimura ichi-ban!
Bun-bun!
In sufficiently old-fashion timeOf Japanese history,When Adam & Eve was considered late,Bashi-Bashi, great Poeter,Was a-laying near stream in Hokadate.Drowdy song of hum-beeWas seen going aroundStinging sweet flower for honey.Hon. Bashi-Bashi were full of considerable lazy poetry.Pretty soonlyA Tommy Hawk-bird come flattering by & perch on lim of tree.“I wish I could flew away like a Tommy Hawk-bird,” say Bashi-Bashi, because he was a Poet.“Why you wish it?” require them fowel.“Because,” say Poet with music,“As I was a fly-high animal like you,Then I might goTo Emperor of JapanAnd get some salary.Then I might fly to lettuce-windowOf love-ladyAnd decry,‘Have Bashi-Bashi, Japanese poeter, got some chances with you?’”“Such a ha-ha!” salute them Hawk-bird,“I have flew around for years,And never did no such thing.”“What you did with them power to flew?” requite Poet.“I use it,”Say Hawk-bird,“For respectable purpose;I are a married Tommy hawk—What would wife & eggs say,If I was seen flewing around strange lettuce-windowsWith a voice full of sonnets?”No reply for him.“I have also fly to Emperor of Japan,”Say Hawk-bird.“What he say?” demand Poet.“He-say, ‘Shoot them HawkFor stealing roostersFrom Royal Coop!’”
In sufficiently old-fashion time
Of Japanese history,
When Adam & Eve was considered late,
Bashi-Bashi, great Poeter,
Was a-laying near stream in Hokadate.
Drowdy song of hum-bee
Was seen going around
Stinging sweet flower for honey.
Hon. Bashi-Bashi were full of considerable lazy poetry.
Pretty soonly
A Tommy Hawk-bird come flattering by & perch on lim of tree.
“I wish I could flew away like a Tommy Hawk-bird,” say Bashi-Bashi, because he was a Poet.
“Why you wish it?” require them fowel.
“Because,” say Poet with music,
“As I was a fly-high animal like you,
Then I might go
To Emperor of Japan
And get some salary.
Then I might fly to lettuce-window
Of love-lady
And decry,
‘Have Bashi-Bashi, Japanese poeter, got some chances with you?’”
“Such a ha-ha!” salute them Hawk-bird,
“I have flew around for years,
And never did no such thing.”
“What you did with them power to flew?” requite Poet.
“I use it,”
Say Hawk-bird,
“For respectable purpose;
I are a married Tommy hawk—
What would wife & eggs say,
If I was seen flewing around strange lettuce-windows
With a voice full of sonnets?”
No reply for him.
“I have also fly to Emperor of Japan,”
Say Hawk-bird.
“What he say?” demand Poet.
“He-say, ‘Shoot them Hawk
For stealing roosters
From Royal Coop!’”
O ko-ko sanO suki-ran!Bashi-Bashi lay silentlyNear water-cress of silverous stream.“Things what persons need,” he-say,“Can be obtained by walking for them, or taking bisickel, or else they are not to be had nohow.”Then he go sleep,Filled with lazy poetry.
O ko-ko san
O suki-ran!
Bashi-Bashi lay silently
Near water-cress of silverous stream.
“Things what persons need,” he-say,
“Can be obtained by walking for them, or taking bisickel, or else they are not to be had nohow.”
Then he go sleep,
Filled with lazy poetry.
Mr. Editor, all human races wants something. They are going for it with steamboat, automobile, rail-train. Next they are after it with a fly-boat. I hope you will let me know when they finds it.
Yours truly,
Hashimura Togo.