XXXIXTHE ANNUAL NEW YEAR
San Francisco, December 28th.
To celebrated newspaper printers, New York City, etc.
Dearest Sirs—We are about to put away this 1908th year, thank you, because it is considerably used up. How many kind thoughts of neighbours, young ladies, labouring unions, sickness, food & drunk, poems of Hon. Mr. Byron, etc., come to this Japanese Schoolboy for sentimental intelligence to celebrate! O my, so soon this year have went! So short of time for 365 days, so full of everything what has happened to people! How can I speak for tears of voice? O happy date of Jan. 1st! Persons which are sorry for what they done on Christmas can now forget it by turning over and over: Give ring-off to old, give ring-on to new!
During this so happy annual that is past many National Events has happened to me. Brick-bat wound sent by labouring union has swole up, thank you, enjoying some agony; Miss Furioki which married cousin Nogi loves me so little; C. W.Kurashuke, Japanese dentistry, operate on my toothache which I shall never pay for; Arthur Kickahajama, missionary boy, ruin the beauty of my derby hat by wearing it; I must suicide myself to hari-kiri on account of O-Fido who create expense & only wag about it; I have acquired a feetwet by searching for employment which brings me the result of great influenza and sneezing in hon. nose. All these blessings make Japanese Boy forgiving to turn over new leap-year.
I enjoy suspicious sensation, Mr. Editor. What make all-world persons so happy about New Year day arriving less? Because so. Persons say secretly in sinful brain-thoughts: “That last annual year were disappointing, thank you. It was good year when first made, but considerably decomposed by various gentlemans who was to blame. Hon. Roosevelt spoil this year with muddy feet-kicks, Hon. Rockefeller ruin it by robbery & prayer, Hon. Lawson make it sad with considerable foolish wisdom. This year may go chase itself, please, if convenient. By next New Year time we shall not enjoy so many curses. All world shall love itself and so on. Japanese shall join hands with Irish and population mix-up. Bankers, divorces, house-flies, and other grafts shall be prohibited by poisoning them. Therefore let us order another drunk.”
“Of what value is this New Year time to Japanese persons?” I compel of cousin Nogi when I call to borrow 10 cents, price of Japanese cigarettes.
“For this,” exaggerate Nogi, “because is.”
“Tell me to know, please how?” I exhibit.
“Togo,” cry Nogi, “New Year is for getting rid of sin. You have some expensive sin which you keep around—shampane, high-food, silk derby—New Year fine time to make swear-off of this.”
“I am ridiculous to laugh,” I commit, “what expensive sin I swear-off, please? I am enjoying too much poverty to be able not to get along without nothing which I haven’t not got, have I?”
“One expensive sin you have got which you might resolution to get away from,” magnify this Nogi, “you are educated to cigarette-smoking. Swear-off, please. Therefore I will not loaned you them 10c you ask for to have.”
Since these conversation I have not called to Nogi or Miss Furioki which he married himself to. Nogi has got one jiu-jitsu comeing to him.
However yet, if I am sinful, I shall make some fine resolutions to give up many things which I have not got. But before doing so I shall be thankful to supply for you following review of National Events which has happened to this kingdom for year 1908th:
Panama Canal—This will be completed as soon as begun. No mosquitos.
Politicks—Hon. Roosevelt will not be doing so much longer. This kingdom have already chosen which Democratic president will not be elected.
Warfare—I do not know about this. America fleet is out hunting for it.
Education—Hon. Mark Twain is made laughing professor of Oxford, home for English schoolboys. Humoristick anecdote of that great man was enjoyed by all and understood by some.
Literature & Art—Much is being done in this line, but very little accomplished.
Socialism—This talk is spoken in many languages and require much brain-thought. Some delightful speaker say:
“All men are equal.” “Equal to what?” is question from Japanese Boy.
Business—This is pretty hard to do just at presently.
Athleticks—A game of feetball was played between Yale & Harvard this year to celebrate the Battle of Waterloo. Both sides won except Yale, which didn’t. This is fine exercise for young students which does not care for death by book-study.
Real Estate—Everywhere good corner lots canbe had for prices asked. Skyscrape buildings is acting very valuable. Some empty lots still continues to remain in Canada and suburbs of Nebraska. J. Furo, Japanese hardware, who is dead, is renting second story of store to O. Jiijuwaki, Japanese undertaker.
Mr. Editor, because you are conductor of great newspaper I desire let you have some news which will surprise you. It happen in Japan 2016 years formerly. Following is it:
During that year I say about there reside in Hokadate, Japan, very sweet singer name of Obi Obi. In order to keep him in good voice for songs, which he could sang like nightinglory-bird, this man was oblige to take considerable rice brandy by each evening. Then he would sing pretty fine till stopped by friends and police. He continue this exercise for several years and never get tired out of it.
Come time to Happy New Years on the day before is. Obi Obi declare: “To-morrow will be January One on which all good Japanese are respected to reform theirselves. Therefore tonight must be the night.”
So Obi Obi order to house large kag-barrel of rice whiskey, together with many friends to hear concert. After 2 qts of these was drunken up Obi Obi sing very fine from Japanese opera. Friendsapplause for more and decry: “Too sorry this music-song must be stopped up to-morrow which is swear-off New Years!”
When midnight time arrive, Obi Obi, too tired to sing no more, so he fall to slumber under table and this he dream:
He dream that Angel of Dying drop to him out of sky and carry under wing one large literary Book.
“Obi Obi,” she command, “these here Book is that Life which you been leading around this several years.”
“My sakes!” commute this Obi Obi, “what disgusting literary job of writing is put down on them pages—such blots and woggly-letters with swear-and-tear places all over it! Who wrote them disgusting records of life, please Mr. Angel?”
“Obi Obi, sweet singer, it wasyouthat done it all these years you have been songing and whiskey-drunking,” devour that lovely Angel.
“Then I must have enjoyed great wickedness to have wrote my lifetime so badly,” retort that great man.
“Yes, you have so,” say Angel. “You are therefore to die and go to boiling-point on this New Year day—come, please.”
“Thank you, Hon. Angel, one more chance for Obi Obi, be so kind!”
“Very well, once more chance,” say spiritedAngel. “If you can wrote in these Book one page of neat-writing, Spencerian book-keep handwrite, no blotting-marks, then you may die and go Heaven.”
“Thank you to do!” say Obi Obi, & took fountind pen & wrote once more page in Book of Life. But when done—O such bad disgust! That page was all blotty-marked with woggly ink-splatter letters and orthography.
“There!” say Angel, “you have wrote new leaf on New Year day, and see! It is worse job as formerly. Come, please, and die.”
Obi Obi look at page and say this following philosophy:
“The reason why so I write it so bumly in Book of Life is not because of me, but because of bad pen and ink provided.”
Then he wake up with head-split and throat-crack symbols of drunkenness. He make groaning sound and O Yucha San, wife of his, approach with that delicious ice-water.
“It is Happy New Year!” she relate, making smiles.
“Thank you for telling me so it is,” say Obi Obi. Then he went dead.
And them dying words is to be saw on tomb which you may visit there to-day, price two sen admission.
Please to listen what I do with tipewriting last night:
O joyful newness of annual year!Oh!It is refreshing to watch the daisies sprouting all along the eternal cowpath of cities;Is it not?And yet I have never saw them do this;But still they are to emblify hopeing-feel of New Year.Shall I mail you coloured post-card,O Love?Telling about how Japanese BoyFeel fresh?On all gate-posts of American persons is hung emblemsOf hope for future real-estate.All Americans are caming home early of New Year morning.And some has forgotten to.For New Year has came with legal holly-dayTo put on derby hat,To see friends and enjoy excitement of general custom.I bow to Happy New Year, I reverence all them things about it,I rejoice, legally, I intoxicate, I syndicate my thoughts to all humanity-races—And yet, to tell you honest true,I do not care much for New Years time,Because I do not.
O joyful newness of annual year!Oh!It is refreshing to watch the daisies sprouting all along the eternal cowpath of cities;Is it not?And yet I have never saw them do this;But still they are to emblify hopeing-feel of New Year.Shall I mail you coloured post-card,O Love?Telling about how Japanese BoyFeel fresh?On all gate-posts of American persons is hung emblemsOf hope for future real-estate.All Americans are caming home early of New Year morning.And some has forgotten to.For New Year has came with legal holly-dayTo put on derby hat,To see friends and enjoy excitement of general custom.I bow to Happy New Year, I reverence all them things about it,I rejoice, legally, I intoxicate, I syndicate my thoughts to all humanity-races—And yet, to tell you honest true,I do not care much for New Years time,Because I do not.
O joyful newness of annual year!Oh!It is refreshing to watch the daisies sprouting all along the eternal cowpath of cities;Is it not?And yet I have never saw them do this;But still they are to emblify hopeing-feel of New Year.Shall I mail you coloured post-card,O Love?Telling about how Japanese BoyFeel fresh?
O joyful newness of annual year!
Oh!
It is refreshing to watch the daisies sprouting all along the eternal cowpath of cities;
Is it not?
And yet I have never saw them do this;
But still they are to emblify hopeing-feel of New Year.
Shall I mail you coloured post-card,
O Love?
Telling about how Japanese Boy
Feel fresh?
On all gate-posts of American persons is hung emblemsOf hope for future real-estate.All Americans are caming home early of New Year morning.And some has forgotten to.For New Year has came with legal holly-dayTo put on derby hat,To see friends and enjoy excitement of general custom.I bow to Happy New Year, I reverence all them things about it,I rejoice, legally, I intoxicate, I syndicate my thoughts to all humanity-races—And yet, to tell you honest true,I do not care much for New Years time,Because I do not.
On all gate-posts of American persons is hung emblems
Of hope for future real-estate.
All Americans are caming home early of New Year morning.
And some has forgotten to.
For New Year has came with legal holly-day
To put on derby hat,
To see friends and enjoy excitement of general custom.
I bow to Happy New Year, I reverence all them things about it,
I rejoice, legally, I intoxicate, I syndicate my thoughts to all humanity-races—
And yet, to tell you honest true,
I do not care much for New Years time,
Because I do not.
Hoping you will be more wiser, if possible, next annual year and that all persons may be onto it, also, good-bye and some to friends,
Yours truly,
Hashimura Togo.