CHAPTER V.
The Marriage.—Polygamy.—Koolyn and Moulick.—Marriage.—Age.—Selection.—Agreement.—Anointment.—Bachelor and Maiden Feasts.—The Joy-Cakes.—Bridegroom starts for Bride’s House.—Reception.—Discussion.—Twelve Friends Party.—Throwing Stone Party.—Ceremony.—Good Interview.—Dining-room Plagues.—Distribution of Money.—Return.—Reception.—Bridal Feast.
The Marriage.—Polygamy.—Koolyn and Moulick.—Marriage.—Age.—Selection.—Agreement.—Anointment.—Bachelor and Maiden Feasts.—The Joy-Cakes.—Bridegroom starts for Bride’s House.—Reception.—Discussion.—Twelve Friends Party.—Throwing Stone Party.—Ceremony.—Good Interview.—Dining-room Plagues.—Distribution of Money.—Return.—Reception.—Bridal Feast.
This chapter will be devoted to the description of Hindoo marriage with all its numerous peculiarities. It assumes such a different aspect from that of this country, and contains such a host of absurd forms quite new to the Christian people, that I should like to detail it distinctly as it is. Marriage is regarded by the Hindoos as a sacred condition of human life, and essentially necessary to meet both our temporal and spiritual wants. Notwithstanding all the benevolent and charitable acts of life, the sanctity of the heart’s thoughts and all the purities of the soul, a Hindoo requires something else to redeem his spirit after death. It is believed that after the departure of the last breath from the body, or, in a Hindoo mode of thought, after the return of the five elements which compose the human body to their respective homes, the vital spirit invisibly walks round the house until some one of the male members of the family exorcise it by a peculiar ceremony. Hence arises the need of matrimony and its efficacy as tending to the spiritual benefit of man. In India a man and woman must marry. It is expressedly a divine ordinance and aviolation of it is by no means an act for commendation. The ceremonies performed by every male offspring are requisite for the redemption of the Hindoo parents; hence when a man sees his wife the mother of girls only, or of no children at all, he is required by his religious law and for the safety of the soul to marry more wives until his demand has been met or ambition gratified. But it ought to be observed here, that the necessity of offspring does not entitle a woman to marry a second time, even in her widowhood, for her step-son would do just as well for her spiritual wants. Sometimes we see a man here and there who spends a bachelor life, either through an inability to support a family or from some vicious character of his own or his parents. For if a single member of a family should be found guilty of some abominable practice, such as adultery, theft, murder, irreverence to the Brahmuns, intoxication, or violation of caste regulations in eating or marrying low caste, the family would be outcasted; people, even the nearest relative, would withhold any social intercourse whatever in order to avoid the equal fate of the sinner. To intermarry with an outcasted family is out of the question; even the family barber and washerman withdraw their services. How far this contagion troubles our people, the following incident will show to the curious and inquisitive. A young Brahmun married a girl, in our village, whose mother was the daughter of a Brahmun of a low order, or more distinctly a priest of the fishermen, and whose poor father was outcasted on that account. In course of time, through entreaties, the Brahmuns took pity upon him, and agreed that he should be allowed to dine with them provided he should sit at a distance from them, and, what is the greatest of all favors, thattheywould eat confectioneries at his house, but not rice of his family cooking. This favorwhich they conferred upon him was for this especial reason, to marry his daughter, who had already attained the proper age; for, as I have before said, it is a sin to live a bachelor or maiden life. Again another thing is to be considered here, a man can marry at any age or as many times as he desires, but the girl is to be married under or at the age of twelve, and only once in her life. Now our friend, the young man, was not acquainted with the stain of his father-in-law’s family, and unfortunately did not inquire properly about it. The fact became publicly known, and his father, uncle, the priest who officiated, and the friends who attended the ceremony, were all outcasted, until some of them regained their former rank by undergoing some penances, which will be represented in the second part of this book.
Now to the point: I have spoken of the Hindoo regard for matrimony. I will ask the reader’s attention to the description of that monstrous system, polygamy, which has painted the Hindoo community with a dark hue, and is the mother of manifold disorders, immoralities, and vices. We hear that some Brahmuns had fifty wives,—some three-score; but even at the present day there are thousands, each of whom is the husband of a dozen wives! In order to enable the reader to understand distinctly this horrible system, I will furnish him with a large amount of information respecting its origin. Ballŏl Sen, a Hindoo king, in order to regulate the overflowing number of the Brahmuns, to check wickedness, to encourage learning and piety, divided them into two orders, Koolyn and Moulick. There is a beautiful definition of Koolyn in the Sanscrith language, which reads thus in English: “Good behavior, modesty, learning, popularity, visitation to the pilgrimages, force of will, means of support, devotional habits, and charity, are the nine essential characteristics of a Koolyn.” Onewanting these godly qualities was called Moulick. The king, no doubt, was prompted by good and prudent motives in this classification, which every one will see as manifested in the very definition just cited above. After his death this system unfortunately underwent some modifications, which handed down the privileges of Koolyn, which were great, no doubt, to the heirs, and could not always give the qualities thereof. The peculiarities of the Koolyn order are these: they would get money if they should eat at a Moulick’s house, or marry a daughter, either Moulick or Koolyn. They would not drink a tumbler of water even in a clerk’s or a physician’s house, and if they should marry their daughter to a Moulick, they would lose the rank thenceforward and forever. As a Koolyn must marry his daughter to one of the same order, sometimes one accepts the hands of scores, partly for the want of a sufficient number of bridegrooms, and partly as an act of virtue and generosity to unburden the parents by marrying their daughters. These men do notalwayssupport their hosts of wives, who frequently stay in their father’s houses, and occasionally receive visits from them. I know of some unfortunate women who never saw the faces of their husbands more than once!
Early marriages are prevalent among the Hindoos. There is no fixed age for the marriage of a man, he can marry when he pleases; but if he be a Brahmun, he cannot marry under twelve, that is, without being “born again.” The marriage age for a girl is between six and twelve. You would scarcely see a girl of thirteen, out of thousands, unmarried. She is known (if there be any) as a realthoobree, spinster, and there is little hope of her ever being married without difficulty. My poor younger sister, only eleven years old, was (I am sorry to tell it) dragged to thealtar to marry a man of the age of her grandfather, and of little refinement.
Among the Hindoos of the present day there are no such things as courting and engagement. In olden times the system was quite different from what we see now, and was called “itcha boree,” or marriage of choice. But I do not mean that they of old used to know each other well, attend to the meetings on holidays, or enjoy the grand spectacles and music in theatres and operas. No, nothing of this sort was known to them. They used simply to glance at each other’s accomplishments, both external and internal, in the shortest time possible. This, though a little defective to the Americans and English, at any rate is far better than the present fashion of no acquaintance and no interview until at once before the altar. Shith-ă, Drou-pothe, Doymonthee, and other renowned women, have married in noble ways. The caste system does not allow the Hindoos to select their own brides. For, suppose a young man found out a girl of promise, how will he know that she belongs to that peculiar caste or order from which he is to have his wife? There is another obstacle. There are no promiscuous gatherings of the sexes in Bengal, either in the temples or in the dwelling-houses. Hindoo women of high caste rarely come even to the outer department of the house in which they live.
Reading the Christian customs concerning weddings in the English books, I shrank at the thought of marrying one whom I never saw. How many times have I prayed to God in behalf of the blind ones of Bengal. I have had to contend against my mother’s will, for she of course wished me to marry a girl of ignorance in the ignorant way. Do the Bengalees really know what a wife is, and what social pleasures are? They are at once cut off fromthatsociety overwhich the gentler sex presides. It would be considered an act of shamelessness if a young wife should manage to see her husband in presence of any living creature. Twice a day when he takes his meal she can see him, if her eyes are very strong, through the meshes of her thick veil; or would she dare to draw her veil aside, the attendant girls or young women would hurl some rebukes at her. Poor thing, she cannot look at her own treasure! The plagues of some sort or other ever attend her, to trouble and put her to shame for trifles, which are neither sinful nor improper. Thus, while young, I troubled my good aunt for nothing serious. It was in the night, when the full-grown queen of the sky was shedding all her splendors on those Oriental regions, that we were standing in the yard of the house near the dining-room, where the gentleman of the house had entered to take his supper. We two were in the room, but at the approach of my father and uncle, she was obliged to come out. I too came out to cheer her loneliness for half an hour. But what did I? Just the contrary! There were two pairs of shoes on the dining-room steps, for the Hindoos do not carry into the room things made of leather. As the pair belonging to my uncle were elegantly embroidered with gold threads, and studded with small stones, which were dazzling as baby moons in the moonlight, my aunt took a fancy to thrust her feet into them and walked a few steps in the yard, with difficulty no doubt, for not being accustomed to wear shoes, and being so large that her feet seemed swallowed, as in small skiffs. Not knowing how to manage such a heavy pair, she made a horrible, rattling noise with the silver hoops round her ankles and the shoes, as she walked along. “What is the matter? What is that noise out there?” my uncle cried out. “Nothing, sir, only aunt was trying to walk in shoes.” “Walk in shoes!” he cried, “walk inshoes! A woman, and a Hindoo too! She is going to be aKristan(Christian), I guess.” Who can describe her embarrassment? She sat down senseless, and for several days could not show her face to her friends!
When a girl has attained her seventh or eighth year, the father engages aghotuck, procurer of his own caste, who is well acquainted with the different orders of the castes. It will be worth while in this place to speak of theghotucks. They keep a record of all the marriages of the Koolyns in every part of Bengal, which they commit to memory and furnish as an interesting study to their children, who of course should follow the same profession. Let a Koolyn tell aghotuckhis father’s name, and he will trace his genealogy several generations back. Thus once we were sitting in the outer hall of my grandmother, aghotuckcame in and asked for some money for his travel homeward. He asked my brother’s name and also my father’s; then he repeated like a parrot the names of our several ancestors, and where and when they were married. Indeed he did it with as much precision as if he were repeating his own children’s names. Now when theghotuckhas found out a young man of the right order, the parents of the opposite party come to each other’s house to examine the bride, and the bridegroom in turn. On a fixed day they assemble in the gentleman’s parlor where the girl is conducted by a female servant, dressed in fashion and with taste. To ascertain whether the girl is dumb, lame, or disfigured, or not, one from the bridegroom’s party says, “What is your name, dear?” “Gollaup (Rose), sir,” in a low mild tone. “What did you say your name was? Please speak a little clearer that we may all hear. There! there you see the venerable gentleman, do you? He is very fond of sweet voices, but unfortunately he is a little hard of hearing.” After anexchange of jokes between the opposite parties, the girl, having regained confidence, in a more distinct tone, says: “My name is Gallaup, sir.” “What, Gallaup? O, how pretty! how sweet the name is! Gallaup in name and in looks also. Walk a little, will you?” Whereupon she walks, and the eyes of all are turned to watch her motions, whether they are graceful or awkward. The presiding member of the opposite party puts a gift of money into her hand, which she acknowledges with a salutation. Now comes the examination of the boy. This is conducted in the same way, only it is extended a little further, namely, to see what there is in his mind and head. His handwriting is produced, and his knowledge of letters is fathomed. This is done by some high castes only, for the men of the low castes who come to the boy do not know how to read or write themselves. Even among the Brahmuns, some possess but little book-knowledge, write so awkwardly that nobody can read but themselves, and read a page in an hour, spelling each word they find.
The older brother of my brother-in-law, who came to preside over the arrangement, being required to sign his name, began to tremble, and, with much embarrassment, wrote down his own name on the paper with one mistake! Some cunning fathers, before the coming of the girl’s friends, provide a room magnificently for his son’s study, borrowing a pile of books from the boys in the neighborhood, and, in fact, arrange everything so nicely, that it is hardly possible at first to tell whether the room is the boy’s study or merely a bookstore.
When both parties feel satisfied each with the other, they enter into a written agreement called “log-no pottrica,” which records every arrangement respecting the marriage. In the evening of a fixed day, the parties meet at thehouse of the bride, where the family priest is required to write the instrument, and an astrologer to appoint a day for the wedding ceremony, and the other friends to be witnesses. Before commencing to write, the priest marks the paper with dots of red and yellow powders, writes the name of “Doorga Ramà,” &c., on the top, and other things below. The following is the form of the agreement or “log-no pottrica”:—
“Sree Sree Doorga.”
“The well-wisher, Ram Chunder Deb.”
“Hereby in this happy writing, I promise to marry my first son, Sree Deno bundoo Deb, with your second daughter, Sree motly Modhoo Bindoo Debee, on the 24th of June, 9½ P. M., 1859. I promise, also, to pay all the expenses that shall occur on the occasion, provided you will give all the gold ornaments to your daughter, &c.”
The father of the girl writes a similar one, answering to and approving the points suggested in the other, and congratulating the proposedBai-ba-hick[5]with a good will.
My American and English friends know very well what is to be done, i. e. what arrangements and preparations are to be made two or three months before the marriage. The Bengalee do just the same as far as the preparation is concerned. Among the former the young man secures a home, furnishes the parlor with everything to render both the short summer and long winter pleasant and comfortable, drives over to Chickering and Sons for a best, well-tuned piano-forte, and brings home all the newly-composed music that possibly could be procured in the music-stores. Thefriends of the young lady seem very busy in knitting, seaming, sewing, embroidering, &c. Among the latter, no separate house is required at all, for it is considered greatest of all earthly pleasures to dwell under one and the same paternal roof. If the young man should remove somewhere, even after the death of his parents, in order to live with his wife, the children in the neighborhood would ridicule him as the slave of his wife, and her as the author of discord. Hindoo parents, on their death-bed, charge their sons not to have their food cooked in a different kitchen, but to dwell peaceably in the same house, helping each other. I know a Brahmun family in my village, Bātli, which contained thirty souls at the same time. The house that sheltered them is something like a fortress, enclosing an acre of land. There is no need of separate houses from various reasons. A newly-married wife in Bengal is more fit for a primary school in Boston than for housekeeping. Again, if her husband be absent for half a day even, she would not go to the next house to ask for help if absolutely necessary. Shopping and singing are out of the question. Thus, while very young I was sick, and the physician, not finding my father at home, put a few pills on a plate, and requested my mother, who was then by the side of the door, to get somecoorchēē, bark of a tree, and mix its juice with them. Though in the next house there were several persons, yet she could not manage to get anycoorchēē. In the afternoon the physician came, and feeling my pulse, said, smiling: “Madam, you have not applied the medicine, nor given your boy the prescribed regimen. I know why you have not: brother Gangooly is not at home.” Going a few rods out of the house, he returned, calling my mother, saying, “Madame, here is thecoorchēē, which grew on your lot.”
Now about the necessary preparations for the wedding. Nothing is to be more cared for than a good, faithful goldsmith, who is to make ornaments of various shapes and sizes. Three days before the marriage, both the bride and the bridegroom are anointed and bathed in their respective homes, by a dozen married women. The widows are entirely excluded from this and other ceremonies pertaining to the wedding. I have before observed, that the women cannot associate with men, and the question would naturally suggest itself, Do the married women anoint and bathe both bride and bridegroom? I will here be more distinct in portraying the scenes, for they are all new and different from those of my Christian friends. The women are for the most part elderly persons, and composed of sisters, aunts, and the like. This exception is made on an occasion like this. The bride and bridegroom are requested to keep ajathee, scissors, with them until the marriage ceremony is over. The relatives and other friends send valuable gifts, and entertain them in their houses. This mode of entertainment is called “the bachelor and maiden feasts.” The evening previous to the wedding is celebrated the feast of “joy cakes.” These cakes are made of cocoa-nuts, sugar, and rice-powder, and are cooked with much ceremony. When the raw rice is washed, they sound the sacred shells, trumpets, flutes, cymbals, &c.
As the couple will be joined in a fixed moment in the evening, the friends are very careful to reach the bride’s house before that time. When the bridegroom starts he dresses in red silken cloth, wears a hat made of cord and other glittering, fanciful material; then his mother, or in her absence, aunt, comes near him, and inquires, “Child,—where are you going?” “To bring you a female servant, mother,” he replies. If he be the son of a rich man, hundredsof persons go with him. The bands, both native and English, play before him all the way. Some young boys, a hundred or more, dress in uniform; walk with colored flags in their hands; the hired dancing-girls dance on the platform, carried by men on their shoulders. Various fancy things, such as hills, houses, halls, and churches, made of bamboo sticks, beautifully covered with paint and gilded paper, are displayed,—fireworks of various sorts are burned,—streets leading to the bride’s house are splendidly illuminated. When the bridegroom reaches his place of destination, he is received in an outer hall, accommodating hundreds. A party of twelve young men come and demand some money, which they get from every man who comes to marry in their place. This they dispose of at the public worship. Some little boys come, also, in the name of the “throwing stone party,” for some money, which they spend for a feast or other amusements. The priests of the opposite parties enter into a discussion of various topics, embracing mental philosophy, astronomy, poetry, scriptures, &c., while the schoolboys do the same, questioning each other in geography, history, grammar, &c. Some dull and less active boys sit apart on the cushions with the pretence of headache or something else. Sometimes the boys of the bride’s village disturb the others very much. I know of many instances in which they cut the best cashmere shawls to pieces, threw fire on them with a pretended carelessness, and painted the face of some poor dull boy with ink, who might happen to sleep at that time. Again, the “twelve friends” sometimes practice much violence if they do not get the exact sum of money they demand. I, unfortunately, once went to attend the wedding of our priest’s son, in a town nearly twenty miles north of Calcutta. The party above mentioned proved so troublesome that we wereobliged to fly by the back door in the night, through bamboo forests, tired, hungry, and afraid lest they should overtake us, and we be handled roughly.
Now the appointed time comes; the bridegroom is conducted into the inner department of the house, where no persons are allowed to enter, except his father, priest, and the barber. As he passes through a narrow entry, the young women throw at him a copious shower of pastry made of raw rice and molasses. The place for the marriage ceremony is furnished thus: two painted seats of board for the bridegroom and the bride,—some other aushuns, small pieces of carpet, for the priests and the parents,—a set of all sorts of household furniture used by them,—and a small throne, containing some images of their gods. The service is conducted in the Sanscrith language, which none but the priests can understand. After the preliminary service the young couple look at each other for the first time, which is calledShooblo dirstu, good interview. This good interview, or rather first interview, relieves the young man from his doubts and fears in regard to the bride, and she, too, feels a like anxiety. Her face is covered with a veil, and she cannot see her husband,—she only knows that she is going to marry some one, and her definite knowledge of him ends with this fact. They require the bridegroom to stand on a piece of painted board, then the bride is brought, sitting on a similar seat and supported by two or four men, as the case requires. By them she is raised in the air, and as the bridegroom looks eagerly at her, the face being then unveiled, some young women give blows on his back, sides, and shoulders. Receiving the first-expected blow from the gentler sex, he turns to the direction from whence it comes, and others favor him with more from various quarters. He, no doubt, feels very badly, andgreatly confused, and if he be a stout and grown-up young man he bears these blows with manly fortitude, and if not, he cries a little. I have heard of some boys, who, unable to bear these invasions, looking up, cried aloud, “Ma! I shall not marry.” They then exchange two flower garlands, which can be done in Bengal all the year round. The priest then binds their four hands with a cord made of flowers, and causes them to recognize each other as the lawful husband and wife. The guests remain sitting during this part of the ceremony, and the father of the bride, her uncle, or mother, is required to take part in the ceremony and dedicate her to the bridegroom. At the conclusion the priests receive their fees, according to some fixed order. For instance, if the bridegroom pays five dollars to the priest of the bride, her father is required to pay double the sum to the other priest. The entertainment of the guests then takes place in the yard, hall, porticos, and other places. The Brahmuns sit in one place, the Shoodras in another, and thus each according to the rank held in the caste system. Some difficulties yet disturb the bridegroom in the dining-room. The women contrive various sorts of fun to plague him. They set cakes made of rags, rice made of white corks, on the plate, and milk composed of white chalk and water,—good things are, of course, given by and by, but these he dare not touch lest there be other hidden difficulties. In order to give some distinct idea of the fun the young women practise on this occasion, I would mention the sad case of my uncle. They dug a vat in the floor, four feet square and as many feet deep, purposely to perpetrate a joke upon him, a piece of shaggy carpet was spread for the seat, supported by frail sticks. Poor uncle! unconscious of the hidden trap, sat on it, and down he went! In order to add more to his embarrassment, there was water at thebottom of the vat. Judging from these, and witnessing other kinds of plagues, I should say the marriage night is a rather hard time for a Bengalee bridegroom.
The “bashor ghor,” or bride’s chamber, is crowded with women during the night, who entertain the married couple with songs, make the bridegroom sing, and answer, if he can, some puzzling questions, enigmas, &c. The reader will notice that here there is allowed free intercourse in speech between the man and the women. But it should here be explained that these women must be sisters of the bride or her brother’s wives, near or distant relations. Her mother or aunts, who in law would be such to the bridegroom, do not enter into the mirth of the “bashor ghor.” The next morning his father has to pay some money to the following persons, the policemen of the village, the man who teaches in the school, the Brahmun who teaches free the Sanscrith scholars, the men who take care of the temple, images, &c., the poor, low caste people, and a generous sum to the women who entertain, or rather plague the night previous. He then starts for his own village with his wife and some of the servants. Both she and her mother bathe in tears as they part. Being received at his house, he stands in the yard on a painted seat, and the girl before him on a dish with milk in it. She holds a live fish in her right hand, and he stretches out and puts his hand on her head. Seven married women walk round them seven times, blowing someshunko, and pouring water on the ground from a pitcher as they walk. Then comes the “bride’s feast,” at which hundreds from different castes are invited if she be a Brahmun. The persons invited from the relatives and friends see the face of the bride, and put some money in her hand. When they see her, the attendant maid takes off the veil from her face and she closes her eyes. This mode is verygood indeed, for nobody can notice the color and size of her eyes, whether they are dark blue, brunette, large, small or cross. When her own caste sit at the dinner, she brings a little rice to some of the leading men.
Thefull shorjai, or bed made of flowers, together with a large quantity of spices, confectioneries, fruits, and clothes, are sent by her father on the third day after the marriage, which are distributed to the families in the neighborhood. After staying through eight days she returns to her father’s house, and occasionally goes to her new home until she attains her thirteenth year, when she commences a regular married life. As it is my desire to relate the scenes of Hindoo life, its manners, customs, and peculiarities as faithfully as the rules of propriety will allow, I should say that there is a second marriage which occurs during two or three years after the first, which I forbear to describe. I cannot close this chapter without making some remarks on the Hindoo marriage. Escaping the maladies of superstition, and standing under the light of true religion, with feelings of love and refinement in my heart, I shudder at, and clearly see, the defects in the system we have considered. The very thought of marrying a person whose joys and sorrows I am to participate in, who is to become one with me, without knowing her character and seeing her face at all, makes me shudder. How many hundreds in Bengal are spending their days in wretchedness! There, with many, the affection between husband and wife is rather compulsory than heartfelt. True love does rarely grace the connubial life of the Hindoos. Their children do not know what innocent social comforts are. Vice, with its thousand branches, twines round their lives. Faithlessness to the married relations, discord between, and separation of two who are required to be strictly one, are the defective features of theHindoo families in general. As there is no system of divorcement or a second marriage for the women, a hundredfold is added to their deplorable condition. A goldsmith, a neighbor of mine, bleeds his wife almost twice a month for some trifles done, such as looking on the street through the window, talking with women outside of the house, &c. He being her lord and tyrant does as he has a mind, and finds no check to his brutal conduct. Of course the gentlemen in the neighborhood remonstrate with him for his conduct, but this affects him for a season only. He was fined several times, but not divorced, which measure only could save the unfortunate woman from future sufferings.