Vance.(Surprised.) Indeed! You have found me, it seems. Your business, if I may enquire?
Herb.I guess you know my business. A lady’s honor.
Vance.(Starting.) A lady’s honor! (Recognizes him.) Andyouseek me? So much the better.
Herb.I come from her to demand an explanation for your language and conduct.
Vance.(Slowly as if with effort.)Youcome to me, and from her? Why, you infamous scoundrel—
Herb.Hold! Don’t waste words, Mr. Vance. What you say of me can be settled some other time. On her behalf—
Vance.And you insult me with the mention of that heartless, base woman.
Herb.(With deep, quiet indignation.) Stop or I’ll kill you on the spot. (Draws pistol.) Only blood can wipe out that insult.
Vance.You are right. I have waited long for this meeting.
Herb.Are you armed?
Vance.(Taking up pistol.) As good a 38 as ever came to the camp. We’ll go up into the pine woods.
Herb.Why not here in front of your cabin.
Vance.We may be interrupted.
Herb.Exactly! I am already suspected and warned to leave camp instantly.
Vance.Then we must use dispatch. (Looks out.) There are people coming now, down yonder. Here will do as well.
Herb.As you please, I am ready.
Vance.(Closes door, fastens it with latch.) Take your place at the door. (V.goes to opposite wall.) I’ll stand here. I’ll countone,two,three.
Herb.Is that fair?
Vance.Then you count.
Herb.I want no advantage. Toss for count.
Vance.All right! (Produces coin.) Head or tail?
Herb.Head!
Vance.(Tossing coin on table.) Head! (tosses) tail! (tosses) head! You win. (They take position.) I’ll pull exactly at three. (At word three, a scream is heard outside.Vancefires butHerbertis disconcerted and, staggering, fires wild shot.Pay S.bursts door open.Flo.andGrousein door.)
Pay S.Stop that, instantly!
Vance.It is done! (Herb.grasping side staggers.)
Pay S.My God, he is dying. (SeizesHerb.’sarm and leads him to bed, R.)
Flo.(Clings to him at other side.) Herbert! my poor brother! Speak! Herbert! (Throws herself on cot, seizing his hands.)
Vance.(Who has stood like a statue, drops pistol mechanically, like a man stricken.) Her brother! Oh God, too late!
Tableau.
Curtain.
Scene—Reception room of tourist hotel, Florida; folding doors in flat C.; piano by wall, R.; settee by wall, L., table C. littered with old periodicals, and some oranges in basket; R. R., and steamship advts. on the walls; chairs ad lib; big ox horns, stuffed bird, alligator, or other familiar hotel trapping. If not convenient to have door in flat, entrance may be at either side, by re-arrangement of furniture. Doors always open.FlorenceandRacheldiscovered as curtain rises.
Scene—Reception room of tourist hotel, Florida; folding doors in flat C.; piano by wall, R.; settee by wall, L., table C. littered with old periodicals, and some oranges in basket; R. R., and steamship advts. on the walls; chairs ad lib; big ox horns, stuffed bird, alligator, or other familiar hotel trapping. If not convenient to have door in flat, entrance may be at either side, by re-arrangement of furniture. Doors always open.FlorenceandRacheldiscovered as curtain rises.
Flo.Rachel, how do you like your first experience down South?
Rachel.It is all so odd.
Flo.Are you enjoying it?
Rach.Oh, so much. I always wanted to travel. I never hoped to get such a trip as this. The trees and everything are so different.
Flo.It is much stranger still in Mexico; if you could only have seen that.
Rach.I’ll never forget your kindness in giving me this trip.
Flo.Thank papa, Rachel, I was selfish and didn’t want any maid. It looks foolish for a girl like me to have a maid.
Rach.It’s no harm. Mr. Lawton wants you to get strong again.
Flo.(Rather sadly.) Rachel, don’t you think I am strong?
Rach.Oh, yes! You look much better lately.
EnterMr. Law., D. F.
Law.I’ve been looking for you, daughter. What is your programme for to-day? A drive or a sail?
Flo.I don’t care which, papa, I enjoy everything that pleases you.
Law.But I want you to choose for yourself. I am such an old traveler I have seen about everything.
Flo.What do you say, Rachel?
Rach.Laws! Miss Flossie, it ain’t for me to choose.
Flo.But what do you like? Are you afraid of the water?
Rach.I don’t know. Do they get sea sick?
Law.Not on the river. Florence, they are catching chameleons now in the garden.
Flo.Oh, I want to see them! (Exit D. F.)
Rach.So do I! (Going D. F.)
Law.Rachel!
Rach.Sir!
Law.Come here, I want to speak to you. I have made an important discovery.
Rach.Land sakes! none of the trunks missing?
Law.(Laughs.) The trunks are all right. I’ve found somebody here that Florence knows!
Rach.Who?
Law.That Colorado partner of—of you know whom.
Rach.Dear me! how’d he get so far?
Law.He is here on his wedding trip. In this hotel. Do you think Flossie would like to meet them?
Rach.I don’t know. It might worry her and—
Law.Recall the old times! Just what I thought. But then, she might be glad to see them. They were very kind to her. Rough people, but good as gold. He is putting on style. Best rooms in the house!
Rach.Hadn’t we better keep clear of them for a day or two and sort of prepare her for it?
Law.But how can you in a hotel like this? Everybody sees everybody else. If we weren’t fatigued already, I’d go on to Lake Worth to-day.
Rach.Then the best way is to ask her right out, whether she cares to see them.
Law.I know her answer. She’ll think it a duty.
Rach.The sooner the better then, I think.
Law.Very well, I’ll go and talk to her. (Exit D. F.)
Rach.Well aint that odder’n Dick’s hatband! The idee of meeting people from the four quarters of the globe. These tourists seem to keep on forever running to and fro on the earth. How can they afford it? Money goes like water! I never dreamed o’ such expense! (Sees oranges on table.) And an orange hereaint nothin’ more than a potato was where I was raised. I’m going to take one! (Takes orange.)
EnterHerb., suddenly, D. F.;Rachel, surprised, looks guilty and starts out quickly, D. F.
Herb.(Excitedly.) Rachel!
Rach.Mr. Herbert—what is it?
Herb.Where’s Flossie? (Lowering voice.)
Rach.In the garden.
Herb.I must find her at once! It is very important.
Rach.Yes, I know.
Herb.You know! Have you seenhim?
Rach.Him? Who?
Herb.Why Vance, of course!
Rach.(Startled.) Mercy me! Mr. Herbert, is he here?
Herb.Yes, and may meet her any minute!
Rach.(Excitedly.) That might give her a relapse. She’s awfully nervous yet.
Herb.I know it. What can we do?
Rach.We must get her away at once!
Herb.I have a different idea.
Rach.What is that?
Herb.I’ll make him explain his conduct or—
Rach.Oh Herbie, please don’t think of that! Remember what happened before! Those miners are dreadful men! He’ll kill you, sure!
Herb.He’ll not get a chance! I’ll get the drop and he can apologize or do worse. I’ll find him at once.
Rach.Oh Herbert, don’t. (Grasps his arm.)
Herb.Let me go. I’ll not endure such an insult to my sister. As long as he took me for some one else he had an excuse, but now that he knows I am her brother, his conduct is infamous. (Going D. F.)
Rach.(Trying to restrain him.) But your father—speak to him first.
Herb.Father would call him to account if they met.
Rach.But he would not hurt your father. They never quarreled.
Herb.He shall answer for his conduct.
Rach.Oh, think of her—she loves him yet.
Herb.I am thinking of her. The traitor! (Goes hurriedly D. F. pushingRachelaside.)
Rach.(Excitedly.) What shall I do? Oh, where is Mr. Lawton? Another such shock will kill her. I must find Mr. Lawton immediately. (ExitRach.rapidly as
EnterRogersandWife, L., runs againstR., and drops orange.)
Rog.Beg pardon, madam! (She never stops.) Cuss it, that gal’s crazy.
Mrs. R.Jim, you must quit swearin’.
Rog.I’m tryin’ my level best. Cuss it isn’t swearin’ at all. Say, Mollie, aint this great?
Mrs. R.What’s great?
Rog.Why, this country an’ everything. Oranges right on the trees till they’re yaller as gold, an’ strawberries in February. (Picks orange from floor.)
Mrs. R.I haint seen any strawberries, Jim. They’re not on the table.
Rog.Well no, of course not. They go north to sell. Ye couldn’t expect to see ’em on the table.
Mrs. R.Why not? What’s the use of havin’ money if it won’t buy things as soon as other people gets ’em an’ as good?
Rog.I reckon that’s right, but ye see these Floridy people figger both ways. The hotel makes ye pay fur the berries jist the same as if ye got ’em an’ then sells ’em fur market. Savvy?
Mrs. R.I’m sick an’ tired o’ bacon an’ canned stuff. Had ’em all my life in the Rocky Mountains.
Rog.But Mollie, jist think o’ the other curus things, the palmettos an’ the alligators—
Mrs. R.We can’t eat the alligators.
Rog.But we kin take one home in a cigyar box.
Mrs. R.Indeed we wont. It makes me tired to see people trottin’ round with a lot o’ hand bags and Florida canes.
Rog.Made in New York—
Mrs. R.An’ alligators in boxes, smellin’ like fury. Women doin’ it, too! An’ fussin over chameleons an’ carryin’ green cocoanuts home. As if sich things were of any account out o’ their right place.
Rog.There’s another thing, Mollie, ’at makes me still tireder.
Mrs. R.What’s that?
Rog.Eatin’ fish. We’ve had ’em three times a day ever sence we’ve been in Floridy. I reckon we’ll haf to eat all the fish in Injun river, an’ there’s a slew of ’em. Wy, a man told me this mornin’ ’at sometimes they was so thick in the river that ye couldn’t row a boat. Oars jist slipped over solid fish as if the river was greased.
Mrs. R.Jim, that man took you fur a tenderfoot.
Rog.Mebbe so. As I don’t know much about Floridy I couldn’t dispute him, but I up an’ told him about that time the mountain lions were so plenty in the Gunnison country ’at we had to kick ’em away from round the fire afore we could git breakfast, an’ we couldn’t tell when it thundered fur their infernal roarin’. I put that at him as a sort of a feeler.
Mrs. R.Jim, I’m sick o’ the whole business.
Rog.(With feeling.) Say now, Mollie, ye don’t mean it. On yer weddin’ trip an’ tired of it? (Caressing her.) Mollie, ye don’t meanmetoo, do you?
Mrs. R.(Smiling.) No, Jim, I don’t mean you, but I’m tired bein’ stared at an’ pointed out.
Rog.Wy Mollie, d’ye s’pose they’re onto our racket?
Mrs. R.Jim, your slang is dreadful. Can’t you drop a little of it. Of course everybody can see that we are bride and groom.
Rog.How on earth can they tell?
Mrs. R.Humph! An’ you that spoony—
Rog.Then it’s me that makes ye tired, an’ my ways. (Sadly.) Mollie, you don’t know what you have said. Ye’re ashamed o’ me.
Mrs. R.No, I am not, Jim. I am not ashamed ofanything, but I am disgusted. People talk nice to our faces and laugh at us behind our backs.
Rog.Why, cuss ’em. I could buy the whole caboodle of ’em.
Mrs. R.No, ye couldn’t, Jim. These people have money, and what’s more, they are used to it, and get the worth of their money travelin’. We don’t.
Rog.Worth o’ their money! How does that old skate git the worth o’ his money who goes trottin’ round with what he calls avally de shamberto put his clothes on? Mollie, I never want nobody puttin’ my clothes on me. Why, it aint decent. When I git as wuthless as that cuss, I want ’em to take me out an’ lynch me.
Mrs. R.But when that man orders anything, the waiters get it at once.
Rog.So they do fur us. I plunk down a dollar an’ they git a gait on.
Mrs. R.An’ they laugh at ye afterwards.
Rog.(Angry.) Laugh at me! How d’ye know?
Mrs. R.I’ve overheard them.
Rog.Well, there’ll be a dead nigger if they do it agin.
Mrs. R.Jim, you mustn’t talk that way. We can’t blame ’em. We don’t know how to act, I guess.
Rog.No, Mollie, I reckon we aint in it.
Mrs. R.Let’s go back home!
Rog.All right. Vance is tired of it, too.
Mrs. R.Vance tired? Why, he knows how to act. He’s been with the best.
Rog.He’s sick of it. Goin’ to Europe or some’ers.
Mrs. R.Poor Vance! I’m awful sorry. D’ye s’pose he’ll ever git over that shootin’ ofherbrother.
Rog.No! Say, Mollie (confidentially), I s’pose I oughtn’t to tell. He asked me not to, but that’s why he’s goin’ so sudden. He’s so restless, he can’t stay in one place.
Mrs. R.I’m awful sorry fur Vance.
Rog.You bet. If I was him I’d get onto that lead agin or burn some powder. I never seen whiter people than them Lawtons.
Mrs. R.But how could they make up after that?
Rog.Old man is A1.
Mrs. R.He doesn’t want to marry the old man!
Rog.No, but I’d have an assay anyway an’ see if there wasn’t a trace. If the button wasn’t bigger’n a pin-head I’d foller the lead. As fur the young lady, she’s all pay streak clean through, an’ a thousand dollars to the ton, an’ purty as a peach. If I wasn’t taken a’ready, Mollie—
Mrs. R.Now Jim, don’t be silly. You do say such things an’ people hear.
Rog.Let ’em hear! who cares?
Mrs. R.I s’pose he’s never seen her sence.
Rog.Seein’ her would be awful hard to do after shootin’ her brother before her eyes!
Mrs. R.But it was all a terrible mistake, nobody was to blame.
Rog.D’ye think they could ever forgit that?
Mrs. R.Mebbe not, but I b’lieve both of ’em would be better fur havin’ a talk. Vance is too good an’ true to go dodgin’ anybody.
Rog.That’s what!
Mrs. R.I wish they could meet. She loves him to death.
Rog.D’ye think so, Mollie?
Mrs. R.I know it. Why she nearly went out of her head after the shootin’.
Rog.Why couldn’t I tell him that?
Mrs. R.(Emphatically.) Don’t think of such a thing.
Rog.Hist, Mollie! (He hearsVancecoming.)
EnterVance, D. F.
Vance.Good morning, Mrs. Rogers!
Mrs. R.Good morning, Mr. Vance! I am so glad to see you. I am so weary of seein’ nobody but strangers an’ niggers day after day.
Vance.I’m very sorry then that I have come to announce my immediate departure.
Mrs. R.So ye’re goin’ to leave us?
Vance.(Sadly.) Yes, I’m sorry, but I—I have changed my plans.
Mrs. R.Purty sudden, aint it?
Vance.Rather! Well, you see, Mrs. Rogers, I’m a nervous, restless sort of chap. Always was, you know.
Rog.Pard, come back to the mountains with us.
Vance.(Surprised.) What! Are you going, too?
Rog.Yes, Mollie’s gittin’ tired of society.
Vance.I don’t blame her. Such a hurly-burly, come-and-go sort of life as this is intolerable.
Mrs. R.I can’t bear it.
Rog.The Grouse is all tore up about it. Says people make fun of us. I said let me ketch ’em at it.
Mrs. R.(Warningly.) Jim!
Rog.What do I care fur ’em? I pay as I go.
Vance.Yes, of course.
Mrs. R.Pay as you go! Just as if money did everything. They have money an’ edication, we have nothin’ but money.
Rog.(Vexed.) Don’t say that, Mrs. Rogers. Taint so. We have somethin’ else. We’ve horse sense. That’s more’n that old galoot with thevally de shamberkin say. An’ look at that arm. Aint that something? I’ve driv a drill three foot into solid granite in the Lucy, an’ I kin do it agin. An’ that old gilly an’ hisvally de shambercouldn’t both do that in a week, to save their necks.
Mrs. R.They don’t have to drill holes in rocks.
Rog.Well, I’ll drill a hole in the next feller ’at laughs at you, Mollie. An’ I’ll make it big enough fur him to put in a skylight. Cuss ’em, what do I care for Floridy, an’ dudes from down East, an’ gals dressed to kill. None of ’em as purty as you!
Mrs. R.Jim Rogers!
Rog.An’ if some o’ them dudes aint a holy show, I’ll eat a live alligater.
Vance.I think you are oversensitive, Mrs. Rogers. You’ll get used to this after a while and like it better.
Mrs. R.Harvey Vance, why don’t you like it then? It’s your own kind.
Vance.(Uneasy.) Well—in fact I never was much for show and style, and—in fact it occurred to me to see Europe while I have a chance. (Going.)
Rog.Goin’ to pack up?
Vance.Yes. I want to catch the next Savannah boat. (Exit.)
Rog.Say Mollie, le’s us pack our traps an’ the whole outfit’ll go to Europe.
Mrs. R.Good land! Jim Rogers, are you crazy? (Servant raps at door.)
Rog.Come in.
Enterservant with card on tray.
Rog.(Takes card.) Somebody callin’ on us, Mollie. Waltz ’em in. (Servant grins.) Say, looky hyur, are you grinnin’ at me, you cussed Ethiopian monkey?[1]I’ll break yer neck! (Grabs at waiter who drops tray and flies out asRog.throws tray after him.Mrs. R.fit of laughter.) Cyards everywhere! Instead o’ comin’ right in. I can’t stand this foolery nether.
[1]If waiter is white, substitute: “You cussed dried-herrin’, Floridy cracker.”
[1]If waiter is white, substitute: “You cussed dried-herrin’, Floridy cracker.”
[1]If waiter is white, substitute: “You cussed dried-herrin’, Floridy cracker.”
EnterMr. LawandFlo.
Law.Mr. Rogers, I believe.
Rog.That’s me! Why, how are you, Mr. Lawton. Awful glad to see you. (Introducing.) My wife! Used to be the Grouse, you know.
Law.Mrs. Rogers, I’m delighted. You remember my daughter.
Mrs. R.Yes, indeed!
Flo.Oh, very well. (They kiss.) My dear friends, married! Many congratulations.
Rog.Yes, Mollie an’ me thought we’d hitch.
Mrs. R.James!
Rog.Get married I mean, an’ now we’re on our weddin’ tower.
Law.Let me also extend my heartiest congratulations. (ToMrs. R.) Of course you are enjoying your trip. We should never ask a bride that question.
Mrs. R.Why yes—that is—
Rog.She’s kickin’ a little. Haint got used to tippin’ everybody every time she turns round. I ain’t carin’ fur expense.
Mrs. R.James, that’s not interestin’ to other folks. (Jimlooks at her then atMr. L.)
Flo.I’msoglad to see you, Mrs. Rogers, you look so well—
Rog.Lookin’ well! I should say. Mollie, I call that neat. (Women aside.)
Law.(Laughing.) Rogers, (in half aside) you’re in great luck.
Rog.You bet! I’m right on the pay streak. Han’some bird and stuff to buy the feathers.
Law.We owe you and your wife a great deal.
Rog.Not a red! Wy, cuss it, I owe you somethin’ I can’t never pay. To think I let them fight—it makes me sick to think of it. Am I doin’ right to mention it?
Law.What’s done is done.
EnterRachel, D. F., running, out of breath.
Rach.(Excitedly.) Oh Mr. Lawton!
Law.What is the matter, Rachel?
Flo.Rachel, speak!
Rach.I’m so out of breath (gasps), he’s lookin’ for him.
Rog.(Excitedly.) Who’s lookin’ for who?
Flo.Rachel, you make me nervous.
Law.Speak Rachel! What ails you?
Rach.I’ve run everywhere lookin’ for you. Mr. Herbert is lookin’ for Vance.
Rog.Herbert! Wy, he’s dead!
Rog.Yes, the jewel (duel) they fit in the mountains. Is that gal crazy?
Law.My son is not dead, he got well.
Rog.Not dead! Got well! The cussed paper said he was dead.
Law.A reporter’s mistake.
Rog.We’ll, I’ll be—that beatsme.
Flo.(Soliloquy.) That is whyhenever came. (With anguish.) Oh! oh! (Mrs. R.helps her to settee.)
Law.Rachel, where are they?
Rach.I don’t know, sir. But Mr. Herbert has a pistol. Oh, they’ll shoot.
Flo.That is terrible! Do stop them please! Quick!
Rog.Lookin’ fur ’im with a gun. Cussmeif that don’t mind me of old times. I’ll take a hand I ’low. (Changes.) Say, I haint no gun. (Excitedly.) Mollie, I told you we’d need a gun.
Law.Run, you are young. Explain. Command peace.
Rog.Now, howkina man command peace with no gun. Why, he wouldn’t have no more say than a baby.
Mrs. R.Jim, do go. Speak to them.
Rog.Bet yer life I’ll try! (Runs out D. F.)
Law.(Anxiously.) Daughter, have courage. It’ll be all right. What a mistake.
Flo.But I can’t see him. Take me to my room, papa.
Law.Yes dear. (They start, she leaning on his arm.)
EnterRog., hurriedly, D. F.
Rog.It’sallright. No shootin’. Here they are.
EnterVanceandHerb., D. F.
Herb.Yes, it is all right. Father, welcome Mr. Vance,my friend. (L.andV.shake hands cordially.)
Rog.Mollie, I’m so awful glad, I want to raise ole Nick!
Mrs. R.Jim, be still.
Rog.Well, it’s all right, pard. (SeizesV.’shand.)
Vance.No, it isnotall right yet. It is for the one most wronged to say that. (ToFlo.) Miss Lawton—
Flo.Harvey!
Vance.Can you forgive me? (Looks at her. Pause.) Yes?
Flo.Yes. (She extends her hand greatly overcome. They meet aside L., others gather R.)
Rog.(ToMollie.) I told you. Say, Mr. Lawton, this is a great country after all. It’s good enough for me.
Herb.There’s luck in it, too.
Law.It is not bad I think.
Rog.(Turns towardV.andF.) Pard, goin’ to Europe now?
Mrs. R.(Pulls at his arm.) Let ’em alone!
Vance.Why yes; with Mr. Lawton’s permission.
Law.Vance, I leave all those things to the parties interested.
Vance.What do you say, Flossie?
Flo.Harvey—we—we’ll think it over.
Rog.That’s jist the way the Grouse talked when I asked her. It’s a go! Mollie, git to packin’ the trunks. We’ll be in the party. (Dress stage. Looks at watch, suddenly changes, looks at watch.) Holy Moses! Mollie, we’re to go a fishin’ to-day an’ the boat’s been waiting two hours at two dollars an hour.
Tableau.
Slow Curtain.
THE COBBLERA Monologue of Humor and PathosBy T. S. DENISONAuthor ofOdds with the Enemy, Initiating a Granger, Wanted, a Correspondent, A Family Strike, Seth Greenback, Louva, the Pauper, Hans Von Smash, Borrowing Trouble, Two Ghosts in White, The Pull-Back, Country Justice, The Assessor, The Sparkling Cup, Our Country, Irish Linen Peddler, The School Ma’am, Kansas Immigrants, An Only Daughter, Too Much of a Good Thing, Under the Laurels, Hard Cider, The Danger Signal, Wide Enough for Two, Pets of Society, Is the Editor In? The New Woman, Patsy O’Wang, Rejected, Only Cold Tea, Madam P’s Beauty Parlors, Topp’s Twins, A First-Class Hotel, It’s all in the Pay-Streak, The Cobbler, A Dude in a Cyclone, Friday Dialogues.Also the Novels,The Man Behind, An Iron Crown, etc.CHICAGO:T. S. DENISON, Publisher,163 Randolph Street.
THE COBBLER
A Monologue of Humor and Pathos
By T. S. DENISON
Author ofOdds with the Enemy, Initiating a Granger, Wanted, a Correspondent, A Family Strike, Seth Greenback, Louva, the Pauper, Hans Von Smash, Borrowing Trouble, Two Ghosts in White, The Pull-Back, Country Justice, The Assessor, The Sparkling Cup, Our Country, Irish Linen Peddler, The School Ma’am, Kansas Immigrants, An Only Daughter, Too Much of a Good Thing, Under the Laurels, Hard Cider, The Danger Signal, Wide Enough for Two, Pets of Society, Is the Editor In? The New Woman, Patsy O’Wang, Rejected, Only Cold Tea, Madam P’s Beauty Parlors, Topp’s Twins, A First-Class Hotel, It’s all in the Pay-Streak, The Cobbler, A Dude in a Cyclone, Friday Dialogues.
Also the Novels,The Man Behind, An Iron Crown, etc.
CHICAGO:T. S. DENISON, Publisher,163 Randolph Street.