CHAPTER XI.

CHAPTER XI.OVER THE PRECIPICE.LILIAN was in my arms again, and all that I had suffered was compensated for by the bliss of the moment. I think she had been thoroughly aroused by the peril of her situation, and it was only at the last possible moment, as she understood the case, that she yielded. Lilian was human, like the rest of the world, and she was fond of her own way. I was willing to let her have her own way, but when it came to giving her mother the control of my affairs, I was rebellious.My poor wife sobbed in my arms, and I could hardly restrain my own tears. I would not have repressed them if Mrs. Oliphant had not been present. Lilian was conquered, but I was sure she had only reached a point which she had desired to attain before. I am not sure that this same battle is not fought out by every man and wife, however gentle and affectionate they may be. Some husbands are brutes, some wives are head-strong, but each is always jealous of individual power and influence. I think Lilian was disposed to adopt the tactics of her mother, and rule her own household; but now she had suddenly become a gentle and submissive wife, and had thus placed herself in a position to be potential in regard to her husband.My Wife concludes to stay.Page 160.Mrs. Oliphant was disgusted. She frowned savagely upon both of us. She realized that her influence was gone forever, if this state of feeling existed. Her cherished plan fell through and was a wreck beyond the possibility of redemption. I do not wonder that she was disgusted, for it was no trivial thing to be suddenly deprived of the handsome income she derived from me, which I should have been very glad to pay her, if I could have done so, though not under the egregious cheat of paying her thirty dollars a week for board which was dear at ten.“Lilian,” said Mrs. Oliphant, sternly, “I did not think you were so weak and childish.”“Weak and childish, mother? Shall I desert my husband?” added my wife, gently.“It is not for me to say any thing, for I never interfere between man and wife,” continued “dear ma,” in the tone of a martyr. “But I can’t help thinking that your husband is very unreasonable.It isn’t every child that has so good a home as you have, and parents who are willing to slave themselves to death for her! And this is all the thanks they get for it!”“Why, dear ma, what have I done?” asked Lilian, horrified at the implied charge of ingratitude.“Nothing, nothing! It is no matter!” replied Mrs. Oliphant, with a vigorous effort to appear like a much-abused person. “I suppose it is a mother’s lot to be deserted by her children.”“Deserted, mother!” exclaimed my poor wife.“I would not say any thing, Lilian,” I whispered to her.“After I had made all my arrangements to board you, suddenly, and without a word of notice you go off and leave me. What have I done to merit this treatment?”Lilian followed my suggestion, and made no reply.“Well, I suppose I am not wanted here, and I may as well go,” she said, flouncing up, and aiming for the door.“On the contrary, Mrs. Oliphant, we shall both be very glad to have you come here as often and stay as long as you can,” I added.“Yes, mother, my house shall be your house,” said Lilian, warmly and with much feeling.“It is easier to talk than to do,” persisted Mrs. Oliphant, who was determined to be an abused person. “I’ll go home alone.”“I will go with you, mother if you desire it.” interposed Lilian.Mrs. Oliphant did desire it. It is quite possible she expected still to conquer our united forces.“Send the wagon for my trunks, Paley, as soon as you please,” whispered Lilian, as she left the house with her mother.I need not say that I lost no time in complying with these stealthy instructions. I hastened for the job wagon, but it was an hour before I reached Mr. Oliphant’s with it, for I could not readily find a team at that hour. The clock struck six, and I lost my train to Springhaven; but I hardly noticed the circumstance, so intent was I upon healing the breach in my domestic affairs.When I arrived at the house, I found Lilian in tears, and a little inclined to yield again; but the appearance of the expressman seemed to strengthen her again. She permitted the trunks to be carried down, and the man departed with them.“I cannot go, Paley,” said she, as she dropped into a chair.“Why not, Lilian?”“Mother is terribly incensed against me.”“She will get over it in a few days. What does your father say?”“Nothing,” said she, looking up at me, as though she thought I asked a curious question.“The sooner we go, Lilian, the better it will be for all of us,” I suggested.“I will go, Paley, but I am afraid I shall never be happy again,” said she, rising.“Yes, you will, my dear. Your mother will be the same as ever by to-morrow.”We went down stairs, and found Mrs. Oliphant in the parlor.“Good-by, mother. I shall come to see you every day,” said Lilian, trying to be cheerful.“Good-by, Lilian,” replied Mrs. Oliphant, in a tone which indicated the depth of her despair.Lilian said good-by to her sisters, and hoped both of them would come to the house in Needham Street every day, Sundays not excepted. Then we went home. Blessed word! It meant more to me than ever before. I need hardly add that we talked of nothing during the evening but theexciting topic of the day, though I tried frequently to change the subject.Biddy was the happiest girl outside of Ireland, for though my wife was very sad, she was still the “missus” in her own house. Lilian confessed to me that she liked the house very much; that she would not have had it any different if she had been consulted, but her mother was so anxious to have us remain at her house that she could not think of such a thing as leaving her. If her mother could only be satisfied with the new arrangement, she should be as happy as any mortal in existence.I hoped for the best. I did not count upon any continued opposition from Mrs. Oliphant, as it was so obviously for her interest to keep the peace now that the Rubicon had been passed. If I had not been so busily occupied in smoothing the path for Lilian, I should have made myself very miserable over my failure to visit Springhaven. I had four hundred dollars to pay on Monday, with nothing on hand to meet the demand. It was an ugly subject, and I avoided it as much as possible in my meditations, though it would often flash upon me. I could not disappoint Tom Flynn.I took an early walk on Sunday morning, and invited Tom to drop in upon us to dinner that day, which he did. He was delighted to see Lilian in her new home, and congratulated me privately upon the happy issue of the difficulty. In the afternoon Mr. Oliphant called. We showed him all over the house, and the old gentleman appeared to be in raptures. Then Bertha and Ellen came, and they visited every part of the new mansion, expressing their entire satisfaction with all the arrangements.After church, Tom called again, for he never staid away from service for any reason, forenoon or afternoon. We sang psalm tunes till nine o’clock in the evening, and truly home was home to me then, as it had never been before. Bertha was a splendid singer, and I noticed that Tom, who was very fond of music, appeared to be more interested in her than I had ever before observed. He went home with her, and I ventured to hope that my example would not be without its influence upon him.When I went to the bank the next morning, Tom told me, in the most careless manner in the world, that Bertha was a very pretty girl, and a magnificent singer. Of course I agreed with him,but the sight of my friend thrust upon me, more forcibly than any other consideration, the ugly fact that I owed him four hundred dollars, due that day. I had not the courage to ask him for further time. My honor, and more than that, my pride, were involved. What could I do?I might run down to Springhaven at night. No, I could not leave, for, at church and elsewhere, we had invited all our friends to call upon us, and I expected to see company every evening during the week. I must be at home. The money must be paid. There was no possible way by which I could honorably postpone it.“What time to-day do you want that little matter of money I owe you, Tom?” I asked of my friend.“As soon after bank hours as convenient.”“You shall have it at half-past two. I must go up the street for it, and can’t leave very well before the bank closes.”“All right; it will do at three,” added my obliging friend.What odds would it make to me whether the time was fixed at two or three? I was just as unable to pay it at one time as the other. A lucky thought occurred to me. I could call upon myuncle, Captain Halliard, who would no doubt be glad to redeem his credit with me by lending me any reasonable sum I wanted. In a week or so I could find time to see Aunt Rachel, and as I was her favorite, she would put me in funds.The bank closed. I was in a tremor of anxiety. Before balancing my cash, I hastened out to find my uncle. He was in the Insurance Office as usual at this hour. I asked him a great many stupid questions about indifferent matters, without daring to put the main question. He actually appeared to have forgotten that he had insulted and offended me. He was rather patronizing and stiff in his manner, and the result of the interview was that I did not mention the matter nearest to my heart. I was sure he would refuse if I did; and I could not be humiliated for nothing.I was in despair. My heart was in my throat. My pride revolted at the thought of telling Tom Flynn that I could not pay him. I went back to the bank and balanced my cash. I counted over an immense sum of money. Four hundred dollars would make me happy. Mr. Bristlebach had entire confidence in me. Why could I not borrow four hundred dollars of the bank as conveniently as of Captain Halliard.I trembled at the bare thought of such a thing. Thus far I had kept myself honest before God and man. But then I did not mean tostealthis sum. I would even put a memorandum in the drawer, to the effect that I was indebted to the bank for this amount. What harm? Who would be wronged by it? I intended to pay every penny of it back in a few days, as soon as I could visit my aunt. It was a little irregular, but even the cashier had done a similar thing within my knowledge. No one would ever know anything about it, and certainly no one would ever lose anything.Why should I be tortured for the want of four hundred dollars, when thousands were lying idle in my drawer? Why should I humiliate myself before Tom Flynn, when, without wronging any body, I could pay my debt, make him happy, and be happy myself? I was certain that I could return the four hundred dollars. My aunt would certainly let me have it. My uncle even would lend it to me. I had property enough in my house to pay it three times over.Why should I linger here at the brink of the precipice over which I had determined to leap? I thought, as hundreds of others have thought, in the same trying situation. I comforted myself, asthey have done, with fallacious reasoning. I persuaded myself that, as I intended to pay back what I borrowed, and convinced myself that I had the means to do so, it was not dishonest for me to take the money. I assured myself it was only a slight irregularity that I meditated; that, even in the sight of God, it was only a trivial error of form. The Good Father judges us more by our intentions than by our acts.Perhaps I had prepared myself for this step, as every young man does who permits himself to run in debt, who allows himself to be continually subjected to a fearful temptation by the pressure of obligations needlessly incurred. Certainly my experience in furnishing my house had prepared me for this temptation. It came when I least expected it. It was but a trivial form that I purposed to break through; not the law of honesty, of moral rectitude.I took four one hundred dollar bills from my drawer, and slipped them into my vest-pocket. Everybody in the bank was minding his own business. No one took any notice of me. I think I must have been as pale as death when I did the deed, trivial as I chose to regard it. I wrote the amount in figures, on a slip of paper, and put itunder the bills in the drawer. I convinced myself that this was a suitable acknowledgement of what I had done, which fully relieved me of every intention of doing anything wrong. It is astonishing how weak and silly we are when we are trying to conceal our own errors from our own eyes. The contents of my drawer were transferred to the vault, and I prepared to go home.“Tom, I haven’t had time to get that money yet, but I will meet you at three o’clock, at the reading-room,” I remarked to my friend, as easily as I could.“O, don’t put yourself out, Paley,” said the generous fellow. “If it is not convenient, let it go.”“No, but it shall be paid. The money is all ready, only I have not had time to go for it.”“I hope the matter has not given you any trouble, Paley,” he added; and perhaps I had not been entirely successful in concealing the anxiety which disturbed me.“O no, not a bit! You see my affairs at home took up my time, and I neglected to attend to the matter on Saturday. Be at the reading-room at three, and I shall have the money for you, without fail.”“I will be there, Paley. But what makes you look so pale?” he inquired.“I don’t know. I haven’t been very well, and my difficulty at home has worn upon me. But I’m all right now,” I replied, assuming a very cheerful face, as I left the bank.At the appointed time Tom was at the reading-room, and I gave him the four hundred dollars. The bills passed out of my hands, and it was forever too late to undo what I had done. I had leaped over the precipice beneath which lie dishonor, shame and disgrace. I was sorely troubled. My irregularity vexed me, and I felt as one tormented by a legion of devils.The fact that Tom had noticed my altered appearance put me upon my guard. I tried to be gay and even jovial. I laughed, cracked jokes, rallied Tom on being in love with Bertha—any thing to banish from my mind the corroding feeling that I was a defaulter. I tore up my note which Tom handed to me. I invited him to come to my house in the evening. I invited him to come every evening. I know that I must have talked strangely. There seemed to be a twenty-four pound cannon shot in the centre of my brain. I wanted something to elevate my spirits. I wentinto a bar-room, and drank a glass of whiskey—a thing I had never before done, though I had taken a glass of wine occasionally.The liquor inspired me. I drank a second glass, at another bar-room, and found myself capable of rising above my troubles. I went home. Buckleton was there, waiting to see me.

CHAPTER XI.OVER THE PRECIPICE.LILIAN was in my arms again, and all that I had suffered was compensated for by the bliss of the moment. I think she had been thoroughly aroused by the peril of her situation, and it was only at the last possible moment, as she understood the case, that she yielded. Lilian was human, like the rest of the world, and she was fond of her own way. I was willing to let her have her own way, but when it came to giving her mother the control of my affairs, I was rebellious.My poor wife sobbed in my arms, and I could hardly restrain my own tears. I would not have repressed them if Mrs. Oliphant had not been present. Lilian was conquered, but I was sure she had only reached a point which she had desired to attain before. I am not sure that this same battle is not fought out by every man and wife, however gentle and affectionate they may be. Some husbands are brutes, some wives are head-strong, but each is always jealous of individual power and influence. I think Lilian was disposed to adopt the tactics of her mother, and rule her own household; but now she had suddenly become a gentle and submissive wife, and had thus placed herself in a position to be potential in regard to her husband.My Wife concludes to stay.Page 160.Mrs. Oliphant was disgusted. She frowned savagely upon both of us. She realized that her influence was gone forever, if this state of feeling existed. Her cherished plan fell through and was a wreck beyond the possibility of redemption. I do not wonder that she was disgusted, for it was no trivial thing to be suddenly deprived of the handsome income she derived from me, which I should have been very glad to pay her, if I could have done so, though not under the egregious cheat of paying her thirty dollars a week for board which was dear at ten.“Lilian,” said Mrs. Oliphant, sternly, “I did not think you were so weak and childish.”“Weak and childish, mother? Shall I desert my husband?” added my wife, gently.“It is not for me to say any thing, for I never interfere between man and wife,” continued “dear ma,” in the tone of a martyr. “But I can’t help thinking that your husband is very unreasonable.It isn’t every child that has so good a home as you have, and parents who are willing to slave themselves to death for her! And this is all the thanks they get for it!”“Why, dear ma, what have I done?” asked Lilian, horrified at the implied charge of ingratitude.“Nothing, nothing! It is no matter!” replied Mrs. Oliphant, with a vigorous effort to appear like a much-abused person. “I suppose it is a mother’s lot to be deserted by her children.”“Deserted, mother!” exclaimed my poor wife.“I would not say any thing, Lilian,” I whispered to her.“After I had made all my arrangements to board you, suddenly, and without a word of notice you go off and leave me. What have I done to merit this treatment?”Lilian followed my suggestion, and made no reply.“Well, I suppose I am not wanted here, and I may as well go,” she said, flouncing up, and aiming for the door.“On the contrary, Mrs. Oliphant, we shall both be very glad to have you come here as often and stay as long as you can,” I added.“Yes, mother, my house shall be your house,” said Lilian, warmly and with much feeling.“It is easier to talk than to do,” persisted Mrs. Oliphant, who was determined to be an abused person. “I’ll go home alone.”“I will go with you, mother if you desire it.” interposed Lilian.Mrs. Oliphant did desire it. It is quite possible she expected still to conquer our united forces.“Send the wagon for my trunks, Paley, as soon as you please,” whispered Lilian, as she left the house with her mother.I need not say that I lost no time in complying with these stealthy instructions. I hastened for the job wagon, but it was an hour before I reached Mr. Oliphant’s with it, for I could not readily find a team at that hour. The clock struck six, and I lost my train to Springhaven; but I hardly noticed the circumstance, so intent was I upon healing the breach in my domestic affairs.When I arrived at the house, I found Lilian in tears, and a little inclined to yield again; but the appearance of the expressman seemed to strengthen her again. She permitted the trunks to be carried down, and the man departed with them.“I cannot go, Paley,” said she, as she dropped into a chair.“Why not, Lilian?”“Mother is terribly incensed against me.”“She will get over it in a few days. What does your father say?”“Nothing,” said she, looking up at me, as though she thought I asked a curious question.“The sooner we go, Lilian, the better it will be for all of us,” I suggested.“I will go, Paley, but I am afraid I shall never be happy again,” said she, rising.“Yes, you will, my dear. Your mother will be the same as ever by to-morrow.”We went down stairs, and found Mrs. Oliphant in the parlor.“Good-by, mother. I shall come to see you every day,” said Lilian, trying to be cheerful.“Good-by, Lilian,” replied Mrs. Oliphant, in a tone which indicated the depth of her despair.Lilian said good-by to her sisters, and hoped both of them would come to the house in Needham Street every day, Sundays not excepted. Then we went home. Blessed word! It meant more to me than ever before. I need hardly add that we talked of nothing during the evening but theexciting topic of the day, though I tried frequently to change the subject.Biddy was the happiest girl outside of Ireland, for though my wife was very sad, she was still the “missus” in her own house. Lilian confessed to me that she liked the house very much; that she would not have had it any different if she had been consulted, but her mother was so anxious to have us remain at her house that she could not think of such a thing as leaving her. If her mother could only be satisfied with the new arrangement, she should be as happy as any mortal in existence.I hoped for the best. I did not count upon any continued opposition from Mrs. Oliphant, as it was so obviously for her interest to keep the peace now that the Rubicon had been passed. If I had not been so busily occupied in smoothing the path for Lilian, I should have made myself very miserable over my failure to visit Springhaven. I had four hundred dollars to pay on Monday, with nothing on hand to meet the demand. It was an ugly subject, and I avoided it as much as possible in my meditations, though it would often flash upon me. I could not disappoint Tom Flynn.I took an early walk on Sunday morning, and invited Tom to drop in upon us to dinner that day, which he did. He was delighted to see Lilian in her new home, and congratulated me privately upon the happy issue of the difficulty. In the afternoon Mr. Oliphant called. We showed him all over the house, and the old gentleman appeared to be in raptures. Then Bertha and Ellen came, and they visited every part of the new mansion, expressing their entire satisfaction with all the arrangements.After church, Tom called again, for he never staid away from service for any reason, forenoon or afternoon. We sang psalm tunes till nine o’clock in the evening, and truly home was home to me then, as it had never been before. Bertha was a splendid singer, and I noticed that Tom, who was very fond of music, appeared to be more interested in her than I had ever before observed. He went home with her, and I ventured to hope that my example would not be without its influence upon him.When I went to the bank the next morning, Tom told me, in the most careless manner in the world, that Bertha was a very pretty girl, and a magnificent singer. Of course I agreed with him,but the sight of my friend thrust upon me, more forcibly than any other consideration, the ugly fact that I owed him four hundred dollars, due that day. I had not the courage to ask him for further time. My honor, and more than that, my pride, were involved. What could I do?I might run down to Springhaven at night. No, I could not leave, for, at church and elsewhere, we had invited all our friends to call upon us, and I expected to see company every evening during the week. I must be at home. The money must be paid. There was no possible way by which I could honorably postpone it.“What time to-day do you want that little matter of money I owe you, Tom?” I asked of my friend.“As soon after bank hours as convenient.”“You shall have it at half-past two. I must go up the street for it, and can’t leave very well before the bank closes.”“All right; it will do at three,” added my obliging friend.What odds would it make to me whether the time was fixed at two or three? I was just as unable to pay it at one time as the other. A lucky thought occurred to me. I could call upon myuncle, Captain Halliard, who would no doubt be glad to redeem his credit with me by lending me any reasonable sum I wanted. In a week or so I could find time to see Aunt Rachel, and as I was her favorite, she would put me in funds.The bank closed. I was in a tremor of anxiety. Before balancing my cash, I hastened out to find my uncle. He was in the Insurance Office as usual at this hour. I asked him a great many stupid questions about indifferent matters, without daring to put the main question. He actually appeared to have forgotten that he had insulted and offended me. He was rather patronizing and stiff in his manner, and the result of the interview was that I did not mention the matter nearest to my heart. I was sure he would refuse if I did; and I could not be humiliated for nothing.I was in despair. My heart was in my throat. My pride revolted at the thought of telling Tom Flynn that I could not pay him. I went back to the bank and balanced my cash. I counted over an immense sum of money. Four hundred dollars would make me happy. Mr. Bristlebach had entire confidence in me. Why could I not borrow four hundred dollars of the bank as conveniently as of Captain Halliard.I trembled at the bare thought of such a thing. Thus far I had kept myself honest before God and man. But then I did not mean tostealthis sum. I would even put a memorandum in the drawer, to the effect that I was indebted to the bank for this amount. What harm? Who would be wronged by it? I intended to pay every penny of it back in a few days, as soon as I could visit my aunt. It was a little irregular, but even the cashier had done a similar thing within my knowledge. No one would ever know anything about it, and certainly no one would ever lose anything.Why should I be tortured for the want of four hundred dollars, when thousands were lying idle in my drawer? Why should I humiliate myself before Tom Flynn, when, without wronging any body, I could pay my debt, make him happy, and be happy myself? I was certain that I could return the four hundred dollars. My aunt would certainly let me have it. My uncle even would lend it to me. I had property enough in my house to pay it three times over.Why should I linger here at the brink of the precipice over which I had determined to leap? I thought, as hundreds of others have thought, in the same trying situation. I comforted myself, asthey have done, with fallacious reasoning. I persuaded myself that, as I intended to pay back what I borrowed, and convinced myself that I had the means to do so, it was not dishonest for me to take the money. I assured myself it was only a slight irregularity that I meditated; that, even in the sight of God, it was only a trivial error of form. The Good Father judges us more by our intentions than by our acts.Perhaps I had prepared myself for this step, as every young man does who permits himself to run in debt, who allows himself to be continually subjected to a fearful temptation by the pressure of obligations needlessly incurred. Certainly my experience in furnishing my house had prepared me for this temptation. It came when I least expected it. It was but a trivial form that I purposed to break through; not the law of honesty, of moral rectitude.I took four one hundred dollar bills from my drawer, and slipped them into my vest-pocket. Everybody in the bank was minding his own business. No one took any notice of me. I think I must have been as pale as death when I did the deed, trivial as I chose to regard it. I wrote the amount in figures, on a slip of paper, and put itunder the bills in the drawer. I convinced myself that this was a suitable acknowledgement of what I had done, which fully relieved me of every intention of doing anything wrong. It is astonishing how weak and silly we are when we are trying to conceal our own errors from our own eyes. The contents of my drawer were transferred to the vault, and I prepared to go home.“Tom, I haven’t had time to get that money yet, but I will meet you at three o’clock, at the reading-room,” I remarked to my friend, as easily as I could.“O, don’t put yourself out, Paley,” said the generous fellow. “If it is not convenient, let it go.”“No, but it shall be paid. The money is all ready, only I have not had time to go for it.”“I hope the matter has not given you any trouble, Paley,” he added; and perhaps I had not been entirely successful in concealing the anxiety which disturbed me.“O no, not a bit! You see my affairs at home took up my time, and I neglected to attend to the matter on Saturday. Be at the reading-room at three, and I shall have the money for you, without fail.”“I will be there, Paley. But what makes you look so pale?” he inquired.“I don’t know. I haven’t been very well, and my difficulty at home has worn upon me. But I’m all right now,” I replied, assuming a very cheerful face, as I left the bank.At the appointed time Tom was at the reading-room, and I gave him the four hundred dollars. The bills passed out of my hands, and it was forever too late to undo what I had done. I had leaped over the precipice beneath which lie dishonor, shame and disgrace. I was sorely troubled. My irregularity vexed me, and I felt as one tormented by a legion of devils.The fact that Tom had noticed my altered appearance put me upon my guard. I tried to be gay and even jovial. I laughed, cracked jokes, rallied Tom on being in love with Bertha—any thing to banish from my mind the corroding feeling that I was a defaulter. I tore up my note which Tom handed to me. I invited him to come to my house in the evening. I invited him to come every evening. I know that I must have talked strangely. There seemed to be a twenty-four pound cannon shot in the centre of my brain. I wanted something to elevate my spirits. I wentinto a bar-room, and drank a glass of whiskey—a thing I had never before done, though I had taken a glass of wine occasionally.The liquor inspired me. I drank a second glass, at another bar-room, and found myself capable of rising above my troubles. I went home. Buckleton was there, waiting to see me.

OVER THE PRECIPICE.

LILIAN was in my arms again, and all that I had suffered was compensated for by the bliss of the moment. I think she had been thoroughly aroused by the peril of her situation, and it was only at the last possible moment, as she understood the case, that she yielded. Lilian was human, like the rest of the world, and she was fond of her own way. I was willing to let her have her own way, but when it came to giving her mother the control of my affairs, I was rebellious.

My poor wife sobbed in my arms, and I could hardly restrain my own tears. I would not have repressed them if Mrs. Oliphant had not been present. Lilian was conquered, but I was sure she had only reached a point which she had desired to attain before. I am not sure that this same battle is not fought out by every man and wife, however gentle and affectionate they may be. Some husbands are brutes, some wives are head-strong, but each is always jealous of individual power and influence. I think Lilian was disposed to adopt the tactics of her mother, and rule her own household; but now she had suddenly become a gentle and submissive wife, and had thus placed herself in a position to be potential in regard to her husband.

My Wife concludes to stay.Page 160.

My Wife concludes to stay.Page 160.

My Wife concludes to stay.Page 160.

Mrs. Oliphant was disgusted. She frowned savagely upon both of us. She realized that her influence was gone forever, if this state of feeling existed. Her cherished plan fell through and was a wreck beyond the possibility of redemption. I do not wonder that she was disgusted, for it was no trivial thing to be suddenly deprived of the handsome income she derived from me, which I should have been very glad to pay her, if I could have done so, though not under the egregious cheat of paying her thirty dollars a week for board which was dear at ten.

“Lilian,” said Mrs. Oliphant, sternly, “I did not think you were so weak and childish.”

“Weak and childish, mother? Shall I desert my husband?” added my wife, gently.

“It is not for me to say any thing, for I never interfere between man and wife,” continued “dear ma,” in the tone of a martyr. “But I can’t help thinking that your husband is very unreasonable.It isn’t every child that has so good a home as you have, and parents who are willing to slave themselves to death for her! And this is all the thanks they get for it!”

“Why, dear ma, what have I done?” asked Lilian, horrified at the implied charge of ingratitude.

“Nothing, nothing! It is no matter!” replied Mrs. Oliphant, with a vigorous effort to appear like a much-abused person. “I suppose it is a mother’s lot to be deserted by her children.”

“Deserted, mother!” exclaimed my poor wife.

“I would not say any thing, Lilian,” I whispered to her.

“After I had made all my arrangements to board you, suddenly, and without a word of notice you go off and leave me. What have I done to merit this treatment?”

Lilian followed my suggestion, and made no reply.

“Well, I suppose I am not wanted here, and I may as well go,” she said, flouncing up, and aiming for the door.

“On the contrary, Mrs. Oliphant, we shall both be very glad to have you come here as often and stay as long as you can,” I added.

“Yes, mother, my house shall be your house,” said Lilian, warmly and with much feeling.

“It is easier to talk than to do,” persisted Mrs. Oliphant, who was determined to be an abused person. “I’ll go home alone.”

“I will go with you, mother if you desire it.” interposed Lilian.

Mrs. Oliphant did desire it. It is quite possible she expected still to conquer our united forces.

“Send the wagon for my trunks, Paley, as soon as you please,” whispered Lilian, as she left the house with her mother.

I need not say that I lost no time in complying with these stealthy instructions. I hastened for the job wagon, but it was an hour before I reached Mr. Oliphant’s with it, for I could not readily find a team at that hour. The clock struck six, and I lost my train to Springhaven; but I hardly noticed the circumstance, so intent was I upon healing the breach in my domestic affairs.

When I arrived at the house, I found Lilian in tears, and a little inclined to yield again; but the appearance of the expressman seemed to strengthen her again. She permitted the trunks to be carried down, and the man departed with them.

“I cannot go, Paley,” said she, as she dropped into a chair.

“Why not, Lilian?”

“Mother is terribly incensed against me.”

“She will get over it in a few days. What does your father say?”

“Nothing,” said she, looking up at me, as though she thought I asked a curious question.

“The sooner we go, Lilian, the better it will be for all of us,” I suggested.

“I will go, Paley, but I am afraid I shall never be happy again,” said she, rising.

“Yes, you will, my dear. Your mother will be the same as ever by to-morrow.”

We went down stairs, and found Mrs. Oliphant in the parlor.

“Good-by, mother. I shall come to see you every day,” said Lilian, trying to be cheerful.

“Good-by, Lilian,” replied Mrs. Oliphant, in a tone which indicated the depth of her despair.

Lilian said good-by to her sisters, and hoped both of them would come to the house in Needham Street every day, Sundays not excepted. Then we went home. Blessed word! It meant more to me than ever before. I need hardly add that we talked of nothing during the evening but theexciting topic of the day, though I tried frequently to change the subject.

Biddy was the happiest girl outside of Ireland, for though my wife was very sad, she was still the “missus” in her own house. Lilian confessed to me that she liked the house very much; that she would not have had it any different if she had been consulted, but her mother was so anxious to have us remain at her house that she could not think of such a thing as leaving her. If her mother could only be satisfied with the new arrangement, she should be as happy as any mortal in existence.

I hoped for the best. I did not count upon any continued opposition from Mrs. Oliphant, as it was so obviously for her interest to keep the peace now that the Rubicon had been passed. If I had not been so busily occupied in smoothing the path for Lilian, I should have made myself very miserable over my failure to visit Springhaven. I had four hundred dollars to pay on Monday, with nothing on hand to meet the demand. It was an ugly subject, and I avoided it as much as possible in my meditations, though it would often flash upon me. I could not disappoint Tom Flynn.

I took an early walk on Sunday morning, and invited Tom to drop in upon us to dinner that day, which he did. He was delighted to see Lilian in her new home, and congratulated me privately upon the happy issue of the difficulty. In the afternoon Mr. Oliphant called. We showed him all over the house, and the old gentleman appeared to be in raptures. Then Bertha and Ellen came, and they visited every part of the new mansion, expressing their entire satisfaction with all the arrangements.

After church, Tom called again, for he never staid away from service for any reason, forenoon or afternoon. We sang psalm tunes till nine o’clock in the evening, and truly home was home to me then, as it had never been before. Bertha was a splendid singer, and I noticed that Tom, who was very fond of music, appeared to be more interested in her than I had ever before observed. He went home with her, and I ventured to hope that my example would not be without its influence upon him.

When I went to the bank the next morning, Tom told me, in the most careless manner in the world, that Bertha was a very pretty girl, and a magnificent singer. Of course I agreed with him,but the sight of my friend thrust upon me, more forcibly than any other consideration, the ugly fact that I owed him four hundred dollars, due that day. I had not the courage to ask him for further time. My honor, and more than that, my pride, were involved. What could I do?

I might run down to Springhaven at night. No, I could not leave, for, at church and elsewhere, we had invited all our friends to call upon us, and I expected to see company every evening during the week. I must be at home. The money must be paid. There was no possible way by which I could honorably postpone it.

“What time to-day do you want that little matter of money I owe you, Tom?” I asked of my friend.

“As soon after bank hours as convenient.”

“You shall have it at half-past two. I must go up the street for it, and can’t leave very well before the bank closes.”

“All right; it will do at three,” added my obliging friend.

What odds would it make to me whether the time was fixed at two or three? I was just as unable to pay it at one time as the other. A lucky thought occurred to me. I could call upon myuncle, Captain Halliard, who would no doubt be glad to redeem his credit with me by lending me any reasonable sum I wanted. In a week or so I could find time to see Aunt Rachel, and as I was her favorite, she would put me in funds.

The bank closed. I was in a tremor of anxiety. Before balancing my cash, I hastened out to find my uncle. He was in the Insurance Office as usual at this hour. I asked him a great many stupid questions about indifferent matters, without daring to put the main question. He actually appeared to have forgotten that he had insulted and offended me. He was rather patronizing and stiff in his manner, and the result of the interview was that I did not mention the matter nearest to my heart. I was sure he would refuse if I did; and I could not be humiliated for nothing.

I was in despair. My heart was in my throat. My pride revolted at the thought of telling Tom Flynn that I could not pay him. I went back to the bank and balanced my cash. I counted over an immense sum of money. Four hundred dollars would make me happy. Mr. Bristlebach had entire confidence in me. Why could I not borrow four hundred dollars of the bank as conveniently as of Captain Halliard.

I trembled at the bare thought of such a thing. Thus far I had kept myself honest before God and man. But then I did not mean tostealthis sum. I would even put a memorandum in the drawer, to the effect that I was indebted to the bank for this amount. What harm? Who would be wronged by it? I intended to pay every penny of it back in a few days, as soon as I could visit my aunt. It was a little irregular, but even the cashier had done a similar thing within my knowledge. No one would ever know anything about it, and certainly no one would ever lose anything.

Why should I be tortured for the want of four hundred dollars, when thousands were lying idle in my drawer? Why should I humiliate myself before Tom Flynn, when, without wronging any body, I could pay my debt, make him happy, and be happy myself? I was certain that I could return the four hundred dollars. My aunt would certainly let me have it. My uncle even would lend it to me. I had property enough in my house to pay it three times over.

Why should I linger here at the brink of the precipice over which I had determined to leap? I thought, as hundreds of others have thought, in the same trying situation. I comforted myself, asthey have done, with fallacious reasoning. I persuaded myself that, as I intended to pay back what I borrowed, and convinced myself that I had the means to do so, it was not dishonest for me to take the money. I assured myself it was only a slight irregularity that I meditated; that, even in the sight of God, it was only a trivial error of form. The Good Father judges us more by our intentions than by our acts.

Perhaps I had prepared myself for this step, as every young man does who permits himself to run in debt, who allows himself to be continually subjected to a fearful temptation by the pressure of obligations needlessly incurred. Certainly my experience in furnishing my house had prepared me for this temptation. It came when I least expected it. It was but a trivial form that I purposed to break through; not the law of honesty, of moral rectitude.

I took four one hundred dollar bills from my drawer, and slipped them into my vest-pocket. Everybody in the bank was minding his own business. No one took any notice of me. I think I must have been as pale as death when I did the deed, trivial as I chose to regard it. I wrote the amount in figures, on a slip of paper, and put itunder the bills in the drawer. I convinced myself that this was a suitable acknowledgement of what I had done, which fully relieved me of every intention of doing anything wrong. It is astonishing how weak and silly we are when we are trying to conceal our own errors from our own eyes. The contents of my drawer were transferred to the vault, and I prepared to go home.

“Tom, I haven’t had time to get that money yet, but I will meet you at three o’clock, at the reading-room,” I remarked to my friend, as easily as I could.

“O, don’t put yourself out, Paley,” said the generous fellow. “If it is not convenient, let it go.”

“No, but it shall be paid. The money is all ready, only I have not had time to go for it.”

“I hope the matter has not given you any trouble, Paley,” he added; and perhaps I had not been entirely successful in concealing the anxiety which disturbed me.

“O no, not a bit! You see my affairs at home took up my time, and I neglected to attend to the matter on Saturday. Be at the reading-room at three, and I shall have the money for you, without fail.”

“I will be there, Paley. But what makes you look so pale?” he inquired.

“I don’t know. I haven’t been very well, and my difficulty at home has worn upon me. But I’m all right now,” I replied, assuming a very cheerful face, as I left the bank.

At the appointed time Tom was at the reading-room, and I gave him the four hundred dollars. The bills passed out of my hands, and it was forever too late to undo what I had done. I had leaped over the precipice beneath which lie dishonor, shame and disgrace. I was sorely troubled. My irregularity vexed me, and I felt as one tormented by a legion of devils.

The fact that Tom had noticed my altered appearance put me upon my guard. I tried to be gay and even jovial. I laughed, cracked jokes, rallied Tom on being in love with Bertha—any thing to banish from my mind the corroding feeling that I was a defaulter. I tore up my note which Tom handed to me. I invited him to come to my house in the evening. I invited him to come every evening. I know that I must have talked strangely. There seemed to be a twenty-four pound cannon shot in the centre of my brain. I wanted something to elevate my spirits. I wentinto a bar-room, and drank a glass of whiskey—a thing I had never before done, though I had taken a glass of wine occasionally.

The liquor inspired me. I drank a second glass, at another bar-room, and found myself capable of rising above my troubles. I went home. Buckleton was there, waiting to see me.

Back to IndexNext