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It had not taken Rachel long to discover that she had married an untidy man. Being very tidy and dainty in her ways herself, this discovery was rather a shock to her. But she came to the conclusion that Luke's mind was so full of the things that really mattered, that the less important things were nothing to him though they meant a great deal to her.
Remembering her promise, the morning after she had prepared his study for him, she had awakened earlier than usual and had gone there the first thing. She had promised him that she would be responsible for keeping it in order and that Polly should have nothing to do with it. On opening the door she stood still and laughed at what she saw.
It looked to her in terrible disorder! Though he tried to convince her afterwards that there was such a thing as a tidy untidyness. He knew just where everything was, he said, and could lay his hand upon it.
But to Rachel's eyes disorder reigned.
Because the waste paper basket was not just at hand, he had thrown on to the floor his many torn up letters. Books were piled on the ground. His table was strewn with papers: there was scarcely a chair without some volume of reference on its seat.
Rachel picked up all the torn letters putting them into the waste paper basket, arranged the books, with a certain amount of trepidation, on the shelves, and finally lifted up every letter and paper from the table to dust them, laying them back in exactly the same position as she found them. She opened the window carefully, anxious lest some of the papers that strewed the desk should take to themselves wings and fly away.
It amused her the first morning, she felt that Luke had indeed needed a study. But the care of the room added to her work and took time as she had to be so careful not to disturb anything. And in her heart of hearts she wished that Luke was tidy!
Another thing that troubled her was the fact that on the muddiest days Luke would run upstairs without wiping his boots. He was always in such a desperate hurry to get through the numberless letters that awaited his attention on his study writing table that he would hurriedly hang up his hat in the hall, and then spring upstairs two steps at a time and shut himself in. The necessity of rubbing his boots never occurred to him. His mind was full of important matters, things that had just taken place, and letters that had to be posted. Then to brush his coat and hat before going out never crossed his mind. He was always so hurried, and Rachel supposed that he expected to find everything that was necessary to be done, done for him.
When the snow came in December she remonstrated with him once about his boots, and on looking at the marks of his footsteps on the stairs he was filled with remorse, as he recognised that he had made unnecessary work for Rachel.
But he forgot it next time, and his wife felt that to remind him again and again would only worry and fret him. For she recognised that the work he had to get through was immense and that it was her duty to make life as easy for him as possible. He worked far too hard, and it seemed to Rachel that the time he could spend in his own home grew shorter every month. She was getting used to it, and though at times the winter evenings felt long to her, and it was somewhat of an effort not to give way to low spirits, she fought bravely against melancholy, and always had a smile of welcome for her husband.
She had made a few friends by the winter and now and then Mrs. Stone would run in with her knitting to spend the evening with her.
Rachel was conscious that Luke by his outspokenness made enemies and that all was not harmonious in the parish, so it was a comfort to know that in Mrs. Stone, both she and her husband had a valiant supporter, and that she would act as peacemaker whenever she had the chance.
It must be confessed, however, that Mrs. Stone liked the role she had undertaken for she was very fond of giving advice. She had taken a fancy to Rachel and pitied her. Mrs. Greville, senior, was no favourite of hers, and though Rachel was far too loyal to talk over her husband's mother with any parishioner, Mrs. Stone could not but gather sometimes from silences on Rachel's part, and by what she saw and heard from others, that Mrs. Greville was deeply disappointed in her son's wife; and naturally a sensitive girl like Rachel must be aware of the fact. It was to Mrs. Stone's credit that she kept her views to herself and discussed no-one belonging to the Vicar with his parishioners.
In the New Year it was quite evident to those who had much to do with the parish that there had arisen a feeling of discontent among some of the people, specially among members of the choir, as lately the Public Hall had been opened on Sunday evenings at 8 o'clock for what was termed a sacred concert, and the Vicar's long sermons prevented the men from getting to the Hall before the concert began; consequently as the place was packed they had to take back seats.
When this came to Mrs. Stone's ears, she wondered if she could not help matters by giving Rachel a hint as to the way the wind was blowing. Consequently she went to see her one afternoon. The winter was passed, and the first flowers had arrived in Rachel's little garden. She insisted in calling her yard a garden, and had planted wild hyacinths as well as primroses to remind her of her home in the country. The hyacinths were beginning to show.
Mrs. Stone found her looking down rather pensively at her few flowers.
On hearing the door open Rachel called her visitor into the garden.
"I am trying to imagine I am in the woods at home," she said laughing. "By now they must be a sheet of blue. In the distance it looks almost like a cloud of blue fallen to earth. I can't tell you how lovely it is."
"How you must miss it," said Mrs. Stone.
"There is compensation in all things," said Rachel gaily. She felt it would be fatal to give way to the overwhelming longing for home that these first Spring days were creating in her. She would not for the world that Mrs. Stone should guess that her whole soul was crying out for beauty and the sense of companionship.
"But let us come and sit down. These poor little hyacinths can't mean to you what they mean to me. I'm glad you have brought your knitting."
"Your husband is out this evening is not he?"
"He is really out every night just now," said Rachel. "I hope the congregation realise that he is spending his life for them, and that his poor wife sits at home moping. Do you think they appreciate us properly?" she added.
The question was asked in fun, but behind the words there lay an anxiety that had arisen lately in Rachel's heart. She had noticed an almost imperceptible change in the manner of some of the former ardent admirers of her husband. She had said nothing to Luke about it, as it was better that he should not be worried over the matter if he had not noticed it.
"They would be extremely ungrateful if they didn't," said Mrs. Stone. "I have never met a harder worker than the Vicar. He spends his life for us all, as you say. And as for you, why I think it is often harder to sit at home and wait than to be in the thick of the battle. But they that looked after the stuff in David's time were to share the spoil. You see you keep him well and cheerful for us. I for one can't feel grateful enough to you."
"How encouraging!" exclaimed Rachel. "That's the first word of the sort I have heard here. I was afraid I was considered a mere drone in the hive."
Mrs. Stone who knew from Mrs. Greville's own words that she did not consider her daughter-in-law suitable as yet for the work, did not refer to the subject again, but as she settled down to her knitting with Rachel beside her, she came to the conclusion that Rachel herself had given her an opening to do what she considered a difficult duty and a kindness.
"I can tell you one little matter in which I believe you could be a great help to your husband. Have you noticed lately that there is a feeling of dissatisfaction in the parish among some of the men?"
"Yes, and I want so much to know what it is all about. Polly's father is in the choir and used to be such a nice mannered man. In fact I often have him in to do little carpentering jobs for me. But lately he has been rather unpleasant and surly, and I have not liked to tell Luke as it might make a disturbance."
"Well I can tell you what it is all about if you like."
Rachel let her work drop on to her knee while she listened.
"In the first place, you know, the Vicar says things very plainly. He calls a spade a spade. I admire and like him for it. But some of the men are offended at one or two things he said about the strikes that have lately taken place."
"I'm not surprised. Luke is so brave and fearless. I sometimes wish he would be a little more careful as to what he says."
"No, don't wish that. It is so much better to talk straight to the men. They respect him for it though they are annoyed at him."
"If only they knew how really sympathetic he is with them. But he is so stern sometimes that I am sure they don't understand him. But he loves his men and would do anything in the world for them."
"That's why he tells them the truth. If he cared for them less and for his own popularity more, he would not speak to them so plainly. He wants to save their souls."
"Yes. He is always saying, 'we are out to save souls.' But is there anything else that they complain of? I am afraid he will never alter his way of preaching. He will always speak straight, as they say. That is Luke."
"There is another little matter of which they complain. But I am so afraid if I tell you it may pain you."
"I would rather know what it is," said Rachel.
"Well then they consider the Vicar preaches too long sermons."
Rachel flushed.
"Too long!" she exclaimed.
"Yes. You see things are not what they used to be, and people will not stand long sermons. I—I don't think them at all too long myself."
"I thought everyone loved his sermons. I do."
"So do I. But the fact is, the men want to hurry off to the Public Hall concert, and they are just too late for it."
"How disgraceful of them," said Rachel hotly.
"Of course the concerts ought never to have been allowed. They call them sacred, but from the programme that is issued every week I see that this is by no means the fact. My husband is very vexed that the Town Council gave way about it."
"I can't possibly ask Luke to shorten his sermons," said Rachel.
"Can't you? I just wondered if you could not Influence him in the matter. I disapprove of these concerts as much as anyone, but I feel it is such a terrible pity if just for want of a hint the men should leave the Church altogether. You see they have written several anonymous letters of which the Vicar has taken no notice."
"Anonymous letters! Luke never told me. How mean of them."
"I dislike anonymous letters intensely. But what makes the matter so important is that I heard a rumour that the choir would leave en bloc unless their request was attended to."
"How despicable of them. I hope, I sincerely hope that Luke won't cut his sermons short by one sentence. Of course he won't. Besides I shan't tell him."
"But, my dear, he will soon find out if his choir desert him."
"They surely won't do that?"
"I am afraid they will."
Rachel was silent. She knew how bitterly grieved Luke would be at such conduct. He loved the men of his choir.
"I can't think what is to be done," she said anxiously.
"Why not give him a hint?"
"I could never give Luke a hint. No, I must tell him out right if it has to be done. But it will pain him dreadfully; and to happen just now when he is so pressed with work."
"I am so sorry about it," said Mrs. Stone; and as she left she wondered if she had acted wisely by talking over the difficulty with Rachel. It might have been better to have told Mrs. Greville senior. However, she remembered the threat of the men of the choir to leave en bloc, and she felt that to be taken by surprise in that way would probably have caused more pain both to Rachel and her husband than if they were prepared for what might happen.
When Luke came in tired and a little depressed about a meeting at which he had been, Rachel was silent about Mrs. Stone's information. She felt it would be cruel to tell her husband what she had heard when he was so played out. Neither did he give her any information as to the cause of his depression. He buried himself in a book till eleven o'clock, when Rachel went to bed. Then he arose and made his way into his study.
But the next morning Rachel noticed that at breakfast he was in good spirits so she ventured to speak of what was on her mind.
But she need not have feared to break the news to Luke. Apparently it was no news to him. He had read the first anonymous letter through but had thrown the others into the fire. So he knew what they were about.
Rachel was greatly relieved.
"What shall you do Luke?" she asked.
He looked up at her across the table with a smile.
"What do you expect me to do?"
"To make no difference whatever in the length of your sermon," she answered. "But do you realise that one Sunday you may find yourself without a choir?"
"Perfectly. But a choir is not absolutely necessary. We can do without one."
"And you mean to make no difference in your sermons?"
"In order that the men may run off to a concert! No, certainly not. I disapprove of those concerts and shall not make it easy for them to attend."
"I wonder if you are quite wise," said Rachel.
Luke laughed.
"Would you like me to give way?" he asked. He knew what her answer would be.
"No, no, no." she said, "I am so very thankful that you are not weak, and yet I can't bear that your choir should desert you."
"Worse things might happen," he said, and he passed into the hall and was out of the house before she knew he was going.
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Rachel found Polly crying in the kitchen on Sunday after the Morning Service.
"Why Polly, what is the matter?" she said.
"It's them men in the choir," sobbed the girl. "There won't be none of them at service to-night. It's a reg'lar shame."
"But how do you know?" asked Rachel.
"I ran home after Church just now and I heard father telling mother that they had all made up their minds to keep away as the Vicar had taken no notice of their letters."
"The Vicar never takes any notice of anonymous letters," said Rachel.
"And it's a shame that they've written 'em," said Polly wiping her eyes, "and you and the Vicar so kind to everybody. I think it's right mean of 'em. Why the master, he is thinking of 'em all day and as for that, all night too. He'd give up his dinner and everything else for the men if he could help them. I'm right ashamed of them."
Rachel was silent, but she did not mean to sit down and do nothing. She made up her mind that if the men did not come, girls and women should take their place, and Luke should still have a choir. She said nothing to Luke at dinner about what Polly had told her, but as soon as it was over and her husband had gone to open the Sunday School, she started off to see Mrs. Stone.
"I want you to give me the names and addresses of any girls in the place who can sing in tune," she said, after telling her of what she had just heard. "I mean to get up a choir for to-night's service."
"What a good idea," said Mrs. Stone. "But I don't see how you can go round to them all as they live in different parts of the town and it is beginning to rain."
"I don't mind the rain, but I do mind that Luke should find himself without a choir to-night, and I mean to get one together."
"Well then you must let me lend you my cloak," said Mrs. Stone, amused at the determination in Rachel's voice. She saw her in quite a new light this afternoon.
The rain came down in torrents as Rachel made her way to different parts of the town, but she hardly noticed it. She was happy in the thought that at last she was really helping Luke with his work, and looked forward to seeing his pleasure and surprise.
Some of those to whom she went had never seen her before. They did not all belong to St Mark's congregation. But Rachel's charming personality and persuasive ways won their hearts at once and not one refused her help. In fact they quite entered into her plan and seemed keen to do what they could in the matter. When she had found twelve who were willing to form the choir she returned home. It was only then that she realised how wet and tired she was. But the happy consciousness that she was helping Luke made her hurry home in good spirits.
She was a little later than she thought and she found from the fact that his hat was in the hall that Luke was already back from the Sunday School and in his study.
"Polly," said Rachel, as she looked into the kitchen on her way upstairs, "lay the table for tea and put the kettle on. I shall be downstairs in a few minutes." As she went upstairs she was wondering when she would tell Luke of the surprise that awaited him. She determined not to tell him till after tea. She liked the feeling of anticipation.
"You have been out," said Luke as he sat down to the tea table. "Did you get very wet?"
"Yes, I got soaked. I hope you did not."
He told her no, as when it was raining the hardest, he took refuge in his mother's rooms as she had a cold and had not been able to get to the school that afternoon.
He apparently forgot to ask Rachel where she had been, or what made her go out in such rain. His mind had started to work on the conversation he had just had with his mother which put his wife's walk in the rain out of his thoughts, and Rachel was glad as she did not want to tell her good news till later. Her husband, she noticed, was rather more silent than usual, and she began to wonder if he had already heard that his choir were going to desert him that night. She could not find any topic of conversation to interest him. But when tea was over and he was beginning to look at his watch she said:
"Do you know Luke what is going to happen to-night?"
"Yes, I know," he said quietly, "we are to have no choir," He rose as he spoke and looked at his wife with a smile. "I am not altogether sorry," he said.
"Not sorry? Why?" said Rachel, a little crestfallen.
"Because I think it will be a good object lesson to those members of the Town Council who attend my church."
"How do you mean?"
"I mean that they will see for themselves the result of their decision to have public concerts on Sunday evening in the Public Hall. They will miss the choir and so of course shall I."
Rachel looked across at her husband with a smile.
"I don't think you will miss it much," she said with a little laugh.
"Perhaps not," he answered. "Possibly the singing may be more hearty in consequence. But I have no doubt that the Councillors will miss it, and I hope may feel a little ashamed. Nothing really could have happened more conveniently than a choir strike at the moment, as it is only the third Sunday after the concerts have been set on foot. If the men were going to absent themselves it is as well it should be done at once."
Rachel felt a little uneasy.
"But of course you would like a choir if you could get one," she said.
"I don't think so," he answered.
"But," said Rachel, a little breathlessly, "if some girls were willing to come and sing you would not object, would you?"
Luke had been watching the rain which was coming down in torrents, but at Rachel's question he turned round sharply towards her.
"I should very much object," he said rising from the table. "It would frustrate any little good that may come of the strike. I hope no-one intends to fill their places."
Rachel turned pale. A sudden mad idea of going round to every girl she had called on that afternoon and asking them not to come crossed her mind, in the hope that Luke would never find out what she had done. But she put the suggestion away at once, not only because to do so in such a short time as she had at her disposal was impossible, but because it would be a cowardly thing to do. She must confess at once what she had been doing.
"I'm afraid you will be vexed," she said looking him straight in the face. "But I have got a choir of girls together and they will be at the church to-night."
Luke did not speak but stood looking at his wife, a look that Rachel did not understand. But it had the effect of making her say steadily, and with dignity:
"I did it for your sake Luke. I knew how much you would feel the loss of your choir."
"Another time," said Luke slowly, and with a smile that somehow hurt Rachel more than any number of words could have done, "I hope you will ask my advice before acting." He moved towards the door.
"Luke, just wait a minute," said Rachel, "If only you had talked over with me about the choir I probably would have been wiser. But I only knew from Polly that the men were not coming. I wish, oh I wish you would talk things over with me. You never tell me anything."
Luke stood with his hand on the door. He looked round at his wife's words. The sight of her anxious face touched him.
"I am sure that you thought you were doing wisely," he said, "but you see that my hopes are absolutely frustrated. They will say, if you can get another choir together so easily let the men off the evening service. You must not be surprised at my disappointment and indeed vexation. But before you do anything rash another time ask me, or indeed my mother. She could have given you excellent advice, and knowing all the circumstances she would not be so likely to make a mistake."
Rachel rose, she felt now was her opportunity to speak of what had been long on her mind.
"If you would only talk things out with me instead of keeping me in such complete ignorance of parish matters," she said with a little sob which Luke did not notice as his mind was full of his hopes being frustrated. "I can't help making mistakes when I know nothing. Why don't you sometimes consult with me?" The effort to speak and yet to say nothing that would give him a hint of her feelings towards his mother was so great, that she found herself trembling and leant against the mantle piece for support.
Luke hesitated before answering. If he had said what was at that moment in his mind he would have reminded her of her unwise action this afternoon, adding that he scarcely felt she was competent of giving him advice, or indeed of discussing any subject of importance with him; He had, moreover, slowly come to his mother's opinion that Rachel was not fitted in any way for parish work. The home was her sphere and no-one could possibly keep his home better for him. And if this afternoon's work was a specimen of Rachel's wisdom, he was thankful to his mother for opening his eyes to his wife's incapacity although occasionally he had doubted her judgment. But glancing at his wife as she stood leaning against the mantle piece, and, noticing the worried anxious expression of her face, he kept his thoughts to himself, saying:
"You have quite enough to worry you with the housekeeping bills I am sure. I don't want to add a grain of anxiety."
"But don't you see how much less I should worry if I knew a little of what is passing in your mind. I often wonder and wonder what you are thinking of when you sit silent and deep in thought. If you would only tell me sometimes."
He gave a little laugh.
"Oh well don't worry now any more about this," he said. "It will all be the same a hundred years hence." Then he added with forced cheerfulness, "It's no use crying over spilt milk. The thing is done and it can't be helped; and I know it has been done in kindness. Cheer up dear."
As he left the room Rachel sat down on the sofa. His last words had stung her.
"Done in kindness!" Why it had been done in the warmth of passionate love. She had braved the rain coming down in torrents, and had overtired herself just because she wanted to save him pain and to give him pleasure. And he had spoken coldly of kindness! She could scarcely bear it. Yet her pride was too much touched at the moment to allow of tears to come. For the first time she was sitting in judgment on her husband. Her idol had fallen from his throne. Had he been what she had fancied him to be he would never have allowed her to know all that his disappointment meant to him; and she could have borne it; but now the lack of gratitude on his part for her efforts, mistaken though they had been, struck her as astonishingly unlike the Luke of her dreams. It made her feel almost indignant. She felt sure his mother's influence was at the back of it. All her own tender feelings had disappeared. A cold pride had taken their place, and unconscious of any emotion she made her way upstairs to get ready for Church. She did not hurry, and when Luke called out that they ought to be starting as it was getting late, she told him not to wait for her. It was the first time they had not walked to evening service together.
Rachel had promised the girls that she would sit with them in the choir and lead the singing. She was astonished to find herself walking calmly up the aisle and taking her place in the Choir benches.
The singing went exceedingly well. The girls had good strong voices, and Rachel's voice, of which the congregation had been in ignorance, filled the Church. Now and then Luke found himself wondering to whom the sweet and full voice belonged, and it was only toward the end of the service that he discovered that it belonged to his wife.
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He made no allusion to the absence of the men in his sermon; but when the service was over and most of the congregation had gone, he thanked the girls for their help. But Rachel was not there. She did not wait to walk home with him.
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Luke was surprised not to find Rachel waiting for him after Church, but as he made his way down the aisle, he caught sight of Mrs. Stone.
"I was hoping to see your wife," she said. "Is she not with you?"
"No, she must have gone home."
"I expect she was tired after all her efforts this afternoon; I hope she has not caught cold." They were making their way out of the Church.
"Caught cold," said Luke alarmed.
"It will be a wonder if she hasn't. It simply poured with rain all the time. I knew it was useless to try and stop her as she was bent on getting up this choir. What a charming girl you have given us in your wife."
"I only trust she has not done herself any harm," said Luke anxiously. He hardly heard the praise of Rachel.
"I daresay she is stronger than she looks. I wanted to congratulate her on the success of her efforts. The choir really sang remarkably well. I was feeling quite anxious about it as I knew how keen her disappointment would be if it turned out a failure. I thought it so plucky of her to walk all that way to fetch those girls."
"How far did she walk?" enquired Luke.
It struck Mrs. Stone that it was rather queer that she seemed able to give him more information about his wife than he had already; but then perhaps Rachel had not had time to tell him about her afternoon's work.
"The girls she found up lived all over the town. She must have run part of the way; that is to say if she got home in time to give you your tea. But nothing would daunt her. She was so bent on you having a choir to-night. I don't know many wives who would have taken that trouble even if it had not been pouring with rain. I thought it very plucky and very devoted of her. But I must leave you here. Please ask her to run in to-morrow, that is to say if she has not caught cold, and tell me all her experiences. I don't suppose she has had time to tell them to you yet."
Luke hurried home full of remorse. So Rachel had been running risks for him and he had never thanked her, nor asked a single question as to what she had been doing. All the thanks she had had for her love and devotion had been severe criticism and vexation on his part. He had felt that she had needed a lesson so as to guard her against any mistakes she might be inclined to make in the future; and he had given her the lesson in no tender frame of mind.
She must be either tired or feeling ill as she had not waited for him; or worse still, she might be too pained with his criticism of her conduct to meet him as if nothing had happened between them.
Luke hurried home in no easy frame of mind. That he could ever have willingly given her a moment's pain was a terrible thought to him.
The mistress had gone to bed with a headache, Polly informed him, but she hoped that the master would not forget to eat a good supper.
Luke sprang upstairs two steps at a time and opened Rachel's bedroom door. The blinds were up, and the moon, which had just emerged from a dark cloud, lighted up the room and was shining full on her face. Luke stood and looked at her, and as he looked he could not think how he could ever have felt vexed with her and have spoken to her so coldly and severely.
At first he thought she was asleep; but then he noticed a tear slowly coursing its way down her face. Kneeling down by the bed he took her in his arms. No words were spoken, but the silence said more than any number of words could have expressed. Both felt that explanations were unnecessary, for Rachel knew that his action was meant to express both sorrow and remorse for his want of appreciation of her efforts on his behalf, and her own pride was conquered by love.
The subject of the girls' choir was never mentioned again between them.
The choir men turned up the following Sunday. They were really attached to the Church and to their Vicar, and found the concert did not make up for either; and Luke put the whole tiresome incident out of his mind, in fact it was crowded out by the hundred and one things that he had to do and think about.
But Rachel did not forget quickly. She had been so shocked and astonished to find how easily she had felt hard and cold towards Luke when he disappointed her, that it had frightened her, knowing that in all probability it would be easier still the second time. She determined that there should be no second time; but she did not forget. It was borne in upon her that she had idealised Luke, and had been blind to his imperfections, save in a few small matters, that though they worried her were too insignificant to count. Faults, though apparently very few compared to her own, were there; and in order to avoid the constant sparring she often noticed going on between other husbands and wives, she realised that she must be careful to give no occasion for it herself in future. She was determined that what seemed to be an ideally happy marriage should not become prosaic and loveless, which would inevitably be the case if love were strained by constant friction. It should not be her fault if they ever swelled the crowd of unsatisfactory and unhappy married couples.
When Rachel went the next morning to enquire after Mrs. Greville's cold, she was agreeably surprised at the welcome she received.
"So you filled the empty choir benches last night," she said, after answering Rachel's questions as to her health. "I have heard all about it from Mrs. Stone."
"I hope it won't prevent the men from returning," answered Rachel, flushing at the remembrance of what it had cost her. "It may I fear offend them. I didn't think of that possibility at the time. I am afraid I was rather rash."
"On the contrary. I was delighted to hear of it, and it will do the men good, I am sure. I hope Luke was properly grateful," she added laughing.
"He was a little anxious about the consequences of my action," said Rachel. "I do hope it won't have done any harm."
"Stuff and nonsense, of course it won't. It's the best lesson the choir could have had. And I think it was very plucky of you, particularly as the rain came down in torrents. You must have got drenched."
"I did; but it has done me no harm; and I was bent on getting the girls."
"After all," ruminated Mrs. Greville when Rachel had left, "there seems to be the making of a good parish worker in that child. She will never neglect her duty, anyhow, because of a shower of rain, which many do now-a-days. I shouldn't wonder if one day Luke will find her really useful."
The next morning Rachel found a box of flowers awaiting her at breakfast. She opened it quickly and plunged her face into a mass of violets and primroses.
"How lovely! How lovely!" she exclaimed. "Come Luke and smell them."
Luke did as he was bidden.
"Are you so fond of flowers?" he asked.
"Fond of flowers! Of course I am and so are you. Don't tell me you don't care for them or I shall never love you again."
"I like them in the fields; but I can't truthfully say that they ever give me the joy that they evidently give you; and they mean little to me in the house."
"I don't think I could live without them. The primroses in my garden and the blue hyacinths are witness to that," she added laughing.
And Luke stood and watched her bury her face again in the flowers and wondered for the hundredth time however she had made up her mind to leave all such things.
"They are from Gwen," added Rachel, "and here is her letter." It happened to be an answer to his unspoken question, if Rachel had allowed him to see it, but at a glance she saw it was one of Gwen's nonsensical letters.
"I know what you will do when you open the box." she wrote, "you will bury your face in the flowers and try and imagine yourself in the woods, and when you raise your eyes they will be full of tears. But apparently Luke makes up for it all, so I am not going to worry about your tears. He makes up for mother and me, and Sybil! Not to mention the bluebells in the wood and the scent of the violets and primroses and everything lovely here. It's all quite amazing to me, but you would tell me that that is just because I do not know what love is. I hope I shall never know as I don't want to lose all the things which I now adore. Don't give my love to Luke, for I don't like him. He's just an ordinary man, and I thought you would have chosen one out of the common. I owe him a grudge for taking you away. I do hope he knows what a treasure he has and is taking care of you, but I don't for a moment suppose that he is. All men are selfish and certainly Luke is."
Rachel laughed, and as Luke tried to catch hold of the letter to read it, knowing that it would amuse him, Rachel tore it quickly into pieces and threw it into the fire, saying triumphantly, "You were just too late. Besides the first part would have made you so conceited that there would be no holding you, and the last part so depressed that it would have unfitted you for your work."
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That Spring was a crisis in Rachel's life. She felt to have travelled far along the road of experience since that moonlight night last summer, when she had thought that she had just married a man who would fulfil all her expectations and hopes.
She had, as it were, been exploring since her marriage, a new piece of country, and though she had often rejoiced to find herself on the mountain top, she had at times to walk in the shade of the valley. It was not quite what she had anticipated. There were rough places, and disappointing views, and she had had to confess that the landscape was not all as perfect as she had thought she would find it.
She took a long time before acknowledging to herself that Luke had somewhat disappointed her; and when she could hide the fact from herself no longer, she recognised at the same time that the disappointment was partly her own fault. She had expected too much from a human being; she had steadily refused to see any fault in him. But finding he had weaknesses, did not diminish her love for him in the least; it really enhanced it; and added something of a tender mother-love to that of a wife. And a time came when she could thank God that her eyes had been opened, and indeed opened so slowly that she was able to bear it. For she learnt the truth of those words:
"From the best bliss that earth imparts,We turn unfilled to Thee again."
In her disappointment she turned to the ONE Who never disappoints, and Who is "the same yesterday, and to-day and for ever."
Till now she had lived for her husband, and her one absorbing aim had been to please him; her wish to do God's work in the parish was just to help Luke; he was the centre of all her thoughts; and she was conscious that her spiritual life had been hampered and dwarfed by the one consuming wish to be all in all to him.
The discovery that he could after all never satisfy the hunger of her heart, sent her back to Christ. Indeed it had changed her view about many things. She was no longer worried because her husband did not seem to want her help or think her capable of parish work. If, as it seemed, God's Will was for her to do simply the duties of her quiet home life, she would do them, not only for the sake of her husband but for her God, the God Who notices if only a cup of cold water is given in the name of a disciple for His sake.
The discovery changed also her views as to her mother-in-law. Her antagonism to her was chiefly due to the fact that she had prevented her from working in the parish and so becoming a still greater necessity to Luke. But if it was not the Will of God that she should do that kind of work, why worry and fret about it? She would just wait till she was shown distinctly what her duty was in the matter and meanwhile could she be training for the greatest work of all?
So it is, that our disappointments, if we do not allow them to embitter us, drive us back to the ONE Who alone can satisfy our restless hungry hearts.
As Spring passed away and the early summer took its place Rachel began to pant for the sea or country. She felt it difficult to wait patiently till August, which was the month in which Luke generally took his holiday. She was feeling limp herself and he was looking tired and worn out and much needed a change.
Although Rachel opened every window in the house, no air seemed to penetrate the narrow road in which it stood, and it was so small that it was difficult to get away from the sun. In the morning it filled the dining-room, and in the afternoon the drawing-room.
At the beginning of June she approached the subject of their holiday. They were sitting at breakfast and Rachel was feeling the heat almost unbearable.
"Shan't you be thankful when August comes?" she sighed. "Where shall we go Luke?"
Luke looked up at her across the table, saying quickly, "I'm afraid we can't very well manage a holiday this year."
"What! Not have a holiday!" Consternation was in the tone of voice.
"You see," said Luke, "our balance at the bank is rather lower than usual. I can't see how we can afford it."
Rachel dropped her knife and looked at her husband.
"Can you account for it?" she asked faintly.
"I am afraid I can. Since the war every article of food has risen in price."
"Then it's in the housekeeping?"
"Yes, it's in the housekeeping."
"Are we spending more than when you lived with your mother?" Luke's eyes were on his plate.
"My dear I don't think we gain much by probing into matters," he said evasively.
"But I want to know the truth," said Rachel persistently. "Is my housekeeping more extravagant than your mother's?"
"Well as you ask me, I am afraid it is," he said uncomfortably. "But I know you can't possibly help it."
Rachel was silent. Then she said, pushing her plate away from her, as she felt she could not eat another mouthful, "I can't think how we could live more economically."
Luke said nothing. A large electric light bill had come by post that morning. He did not remember ever having had such a big bill to pay.
"Talk it over with my mother," he said, as he rose from the table.
"No, I don't want to talk it over with her or with anyone, but you," said Rachel. "We must see ourselves what can be done. Is it in the food? But then Luke, you know, you must have nourishing things. Your mother has always impressed that upon me."
"It is not only the food. Look at this," He spread the bill before her.
"Well that is one thing in which we can economise," said Rachel. She would not let him know how much the largeness of the bill appalled her. "I have sometimes left the hall light on when you have been out late, in fact ever since that curious beggar man came one day; you remember about him. It has felt more cheerful to have the light after Polly has gone to bed. But that can easily be altered. Then I daresay the coal bill is rather large. Perhaps another winter we had better only have the kitchen fire in the mornings; but I don't like to think of you going out to work cold."
"I don't feel the cold," said Luke. "We certainly must make a difference somehow. Discuss it with mother and see if she can't help. She knows we are rather in low water."
"I don't see how we can give away so much as you do Luke," said Rachel. "We really could not afford that £5 that you gave for the heating of the Church for instance."
Luke looked worried.
"I have always somehow managed to do my part in that way," he said. "I can't bear not setting an example in giving."
"No, it's horrid," said Rachel. And yet she felt strongly, that if by giving away money he was deprived of his much needed yearly holiday the work itself would suffer.
After he had gone, the subject that had caused their talk and had brought to light their poverty forced itself again upon her.
No holiday! All the summer in this tiny stuffy little house away from the flowers and the breezy wind. How could she bear it herself, and still more how could Luke go on working all day and the greater part of the evening in the terrible heat, which was making her feel giddy and faint already.
She hurried into the drawing-room which was without sun and threw the window open. Then she looked for her weekly bill books and sat down to examine them. She saw they were higher than she supposed they ought to be, but she did not see how she could economise with a man in the house. If it were only herself and Polly they could do on less; but Luke, though he might not notice that he was having less would soon reap the consequence and feel limp.
Rachel leant her arms on the bureau and her chin on the palms of her hands and gazed out Of the window. How could they manage to get away for a week if no longer?
Unfortunately Heatherland was impossible.
Her mother found herself so impoverished that she was selling her house and was on the point of going into a much smaller one in the village. Rachel had felt very sad when Sybil had written to tell her the news. That her mother, at her age, should have to uproot again would be a real trial; evidently her family were in financial difficulties too.
Rachel began to think over her belongings and wondered if she could not sell some of her wedding presents. There was the pearl necklace that an uncle who was dead had given her. It was of little use to her now, and in her present mood she felt that a breath of sea air would compensate for the loss of any number of pearls.
Yes, she would certainly sell her pearls. She wondered if the day would come when she would be reduced to selling many of her possessions. It looked like it. It was a terrible shame that livings should be so small that the very necessities of life should have to be done without. Well anyhow she would sell her pearls and not tell Luke till it was done. She would get a cousin of hers to do the transaction for her. She knew she might be cheated and it would be no good for Luke to try and sell them. He was no business man and would without doubt be contented with half their value. No, she would write to her cousin. They simply must go away somewhere this summer.
She wrote the letter to her cousin and got Polly to run round to the post with it. Then she began to wonder if she ought not to do what Luke had suggested; ask the advice of Mrs. Greville. But she was saved the trouble, for late in the morning her mother-in-law came round to see her.
"Luke tells me you are rather worried about the expenses," she said, "and I am wondering if I can help you. Shall I look through your books and see what you could do without?" and as she saw Rachel flush she added, "It is not at all surprising my dear. Of course you have never been used to economise. I hope you don't me an interfering old woman," she added kindly, as she saw signs of distress on Rachel's face.
"It's very good of you," said Rachel; but she bit her lip feeling humiliated in the extreme.
Mrs. Greville was not long in discovering things which would have to be done without. For instance, she explained to Rachel she could make quite nice puddings without eggs. Considering the expense of eggs, 4d each, it was ruinous to follow the cookery books which prescribed more than one in quite simple puddings. A great deal of money had been thrown away on unnecessary eggs and they mounted up at once. Then it was much better in these days to have margarine rather than butter. She never used anything but margarine herself, and really you would not know the difference.
Rachel sat by her side smiling. Not being a housekeeper all these economies seemed so paltry to her, and yet she knew they were necessary. She had of her own will married a poor clergyman, and must bear the consequences. And Mrs. Greville was being very kind; and giving as little pain as possible. Her feelings towards Rachel had somewhat changed since that Sunday on which she had gathered the girls' choir together. It had struck her mother-in-law as a sporting action on her part and had pleased her. And now, for the sake of her son, she was very anxious not to hurt his wife's sensitive spirit more than necessary, but she had no idea how galling the whole thing was to her pride.
And Rachel was bent on her not guessing it. So she sat by her side smiling, and watching her mother-in-law making notes for her as to the things that were really necessary to have and those which were mere luxuries.
"I fear you must give up all luxuries, I hope Luke told you how poor he is, when he asked you to share his poverty with him?" she said laughing. Rachel joined in the laugh.
"We had much more interesting things to talk about," she answered. "Luke's mind does not run on such matters as eggs and margarine."
"That's true," said Mrs. Greville. "The fact is, that some of the poorest people are the clergy. It ought not to be so. They should not have to worry about eggs and margarine as you say, they have so much more important things to think of and they should be spared that. Besides they are expected to help in every bit of work that goes on in the parish. Unless they have property of their own the worry of pounds, shillings, and pence, weighs them down. Happily, as you say, Luke does not worry himself about those kind of things, but then he has a wife and mother to worry for him. If he had not he would have less time and strength to think of his people. I don't suppose many realise how the clergy suffer from poverty, for they suffer in silence."
"Well I hope Luke won't ever be reduced to wearing a coat green from age, as a poor man in our part of the world at home has to do. Not that I suppose Luke would notice if his coat were all colours of the rainbow."
Mrs. Greville laughed, and said goodbye while at the door she turned back to say:
"Remember, not so many eggs, and margarine instead of butter. You'll find that makes a difference very soon."