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LYSISTRATAenters in dismay.
WOMEN
Dear Mistress of our martial enterprise,Why do you come with sorrow in your eyes?
LYSISTRATA
O 'tis our naughty femininity,So weak in one spot, that hath saddened me.
WOMEN
What's this? Please speak.
LYSISTRATA
Poor women, O so weak!
WOMEN
What can it be? Surely your friends may know.
LYSISTRATA
Yea, I must speak it though it hurt me so.
WOMEN
Speak; can we help? Don't stand there mute in need.
LYSISTRATA
I'll blurt it out then--our women's army's mutinied.
WOMEN
O Zeus!
LYSISTRATA
What use is Zeus to our anatomy?Here is the gaping calamity I meant:I cannot shut their ravenous appetitesA moment more now. They are all deserting.The first I caught was sidling through the posternClose by the Cave of Pan: the next hoisting herselfWith rope and pulley down: a third on the pointOf slipping past: while a fourth malcontent, seatedFor instant flight to visit OrsilochusOn bird-back, I dragged off by the hair in time....They are all snatching excuses to sneak home.Look, there goes one.... Hey, what's the hurry?
1ST WOMAN
I must get home. I've some Milesian woolPacked wasting away, and moths are pushing through it.
LYSISTRATA
Fine moths indeed, I know. Get back within.
1ST WOMAN
By the Goddesses, I'll return instantly.I only want to stretch it on my bed.
LYSISTRATA
You shall stretch nothing and go nowhere either.
1ST WOMAN
Must I never use my wool then?
LYSISTRATA
If needs be.
2ND WOMAN
How unfortunate I am! O my poor flax!It's left at home unstript.
LYSISTRATA
So here's anotherThat wishes to go home and strip her flax.Inside again!
2ND WOMAN
No, by the Goddess of Light,I'll be back as soon as I have flayed it properly.
LYSISTRATA
You'll not flay anything. For if you beginThere'll not be one here but has a patch to be flayed.
3RD WOMAN
O holy Eilithyia, stay this birthTill I have left the precincts of the place!
LYSISTRATA
What nonsense is this?
3RD WOMAN
I'll drop it any minute.
LYSISTRATA
Yesterday you weren't with child.
3RD WOMAN
But I am today.O let me find a midwife, Lysistrata.O quickly!
LYSISTRATA
Now what story is this you tell?What is this hard lump here?
3RD WOMAN
It's a male child.
LYSISTRATA
By Aphrodite, it isn't. Your belly's hollow,And it has the feel of metal.... Well, I soon can see.You hussy, it's Athene's sacred helm,And you said you were with child.
3RD WOMAN
And so I am.
LYSISTRATA
Then why the helm?
3RD WOMAN
So if the throes should take meStill in these grounds I could use it like a doveAs a laying-nest in which to drop the child.
LYSISTRATA
More pretexts! You can't hide your clear intent,And anyway why not wait till the tenth dayMeditating a brazen name for your brass brat?
WOMAN
And I can't sleep a wink. My nerve is goneSince I saw that snake-sentinel of the shrine.
WOMAN
And all those dreadful owls with their weird hooting!Though I'm wearied out, I can't close an eye.
LYSISTRATA
You wicked women, cease from juggling lies.You want your men. But what of them as well?They toss as sleepless in the lonely night,I'm sure of it. Hold out awhile, hold out,But persevere a teeny-weeny longer.An oracle has promised VictoryIf we don't wrangle. Would you hear the words?
WOMEN
Yes, yes, what is it?
LYSISTRATA
Silence then, you chatterboxes.Here--Whenas the swallows flocking in one place from the hoopoesDeny themselves love's gambols any more,All woes shall then have ending and great Zeus the ThundererShall put above what was below before.
WOMEN
Will the men then always be kept under us?
LYSISTRATABut if the swallows squabble among themselves and fly awayOut of the temple, refusing to agree,Then The Most Wanton Birds in all the WorldThey shall be named for ever. That's his decree.
WOMAN
It's obvious what it means.LYSISTRATA
Now by all the godsWe must let no agony deter from duty,Back to your quarters. For we are base indeed,My friends, if we betray the oracle.
She goes out.
OLD MEN.
I'd like to remind you of a fable they used to employ,When I was a little boy:How once through fear of the marriage-bed a young man,Melanion by name, to the wilderness ran,And there on the hills he dwelt.For hares he wove a netWhich with his dog he set--Most likely he's there yet.For he never came back home, so great was the fear he felt.I loathe the sex as much as he,And therefore I no less shall beAs chaste as was Melanion.
MAN
Grann'am, do you much mind men?
WOMAN
Onions you won't need, to cry.
MAN
From my foot you shan't escape.
WOMAN
What thick forests I espy.
MEN
So much Myronides' fierce beardAnd thundering black back were feared,That the foe fled when they were shown--Brave he as Phormion.
WOMEN.
Well, I'll relate a rival fable just to show to youA different point of view:There was a rough-hewn fellow, Timon, with a faceThat glowered as through a thorn-bush in a wild, bleak place.He too decided on flight,This very Furies' son,All the world's ways to shunAnd hide from everyone,Spitting out curses on all knavish men to left and right.But though he reared this hate for men,He loved the women even then,And never thought them enemies.
WOMAN
O your jaw I'd like to break.
MAN
That I fear do you suppose?
WOMAN
Learn what kicks my legs can make.
MAN
Raise them up, and you'll expose--
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WOMAN
Nay, you'll see there, I engage,All is well kept despite my age,And tended smooth enough to slipFrom any adversary's grip.
LYSISTRATAappears.
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LYSISTRATA
Hollo there, hasten hither to meSkip fast along.
WOMAN
What is this? Why the noise?
LYSISTRATA
A man, a man! I spy a frenzied man!He carries Love upon him like a staff.O Lady of Cyprus, and Cythera, and Paphos,I beseech you, keep our minds and hands to the oath.
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WOMAN
Where is he, whoever he is?
LYSISTRATA
By the Temple of Chloe.
WOMAN
Yes, now I see him, but who can he be?
LYSISTRATA
Look at him. Does anyone recognise his face?
MYRRHINE
I do. He is my husband, Cinesias.
LYSISTRATA
You know how to work. Play with him, lead him on,Seduce him to the cozening-point--kiss him, kiss him,Then slip your mouth aside just as he's sure of it,Ungirdle every caress his mouth feels atSave that the oath upon the bowl has locked.
MYRRHINE
You can rely on me.
LYSISTRATA
I'll stay here to helpIn working up his ardor to its heightOf vain magnificence.... The rest to their quarters.
EnterCINESIAS.
Who is this that stands within our lines?
CINESIAS
I.
LYSISTRATA
A man?
CINESIAS
Too much a man!
LYSISTRATA
Then be off at once.
CINESIAS
Who are you that thus eject me?
LYSISTRATA
Guard for the day.
CINESIAS
By all the gods, then call Myrrhine hither.
LYSISTRATA
So, call Myrrhine hither! Who are you?
CINESIAS
I am her husband Cinesias, son of Anthros.
LYSISTRATA
Welcome, dear friend! That glorious name of yoursIs quite familiar in our ranks. Your wifeContinually has it in her mouth.She cannot touch an apple or an eggBut she must say, "This to Cinesias!"
CINESIAS
O is that true?
LYSISTRATA
By Aphrodite, it is.If the conversation strikes on men, your wifeCuts in with, "All are boobies by Cinesias."
CINESIAS
Then call her here.
LYSISTRATA
And what am I to get?
CINESIAS
This, if you want it.... See, what I have here.But not to take away.
LYSISTRATA
Then I'll call her.
CINESIAS
Be quick, be quick. All grace is wiped from lifeSince she went away. O sad, sad am IWhen there I enter on that loneliness,And wine is unvintaged of the sun's flavour.And food is tasteless. But I've put on weight.
MYRRHINE (above)
I love him O so much! but he won't have it.Don't call me down to him.
CINESIAS
Sweet little Myrrhine!What do you mean? Come here.
MYRRHINE
O no I won't.Why are you calling me? You don't want me.
CINESIAS
Not want you! with this week-old strength of love.
MYRRHINE
Farewell.
CINESIAS
Don't go, please don't go, Myrrhine.At least you'll hear our child. Call your mother, lad.
CHILD
Mummy ... mummy ... mummy!
CINESIAS
There now, don't you feel pity for the child?He's not been fed or washed now for six days.
MYRRHINE
I certainly pity him with so heartless a father.
CINESIAS
Come down, my sweetest, come for the child's sake.
MYRRHINE
A trying life it is to be a mother!I suppose I'd better go.She comes down.
CINESIAS
How much younger she looks,How fresher and how prettier! Myrrhine,Lift up your lovely face, your disdainful face;And your ankle ... let your scorn step out its worst;It only rubs me to more ardor here.
MYRRHINE (playing with the child)
You're as innocent as he's iniquitous.Let me kiss you, honey-petting, mother's darling.
CINESIAS
How wrong to follow other women's counselAnd let loose all these throbbing voids in yourselfAs well as in me. Don't you go throb-throb?
MYRRHINE
Take away your hands.
CINESIAS
Everything in the houseIs being ruined.
MYRRHINE
I don't care at all.
CINESIAS
The roosters are picking all your web to rags.Do you mind that?
MYRRHINE
Not I.
CINESIAS
What time we've wastedWe might have drenched with Paphian laughter, flungOn Aphrodite's Mysteries. O come here.
MYRRHINE
Not till a treaty finishes the war.
CINESIAS
If you must have it, then we'll get it done.
MYRRHINE
Do it and I'll come home. Till then I am bound.
CINESIAS
Well, can't your oath perhaps be got around?
MYRRHINE
No ... no ... still I'll not say that I don't love you.
CINESIAS
You love me! Then dear girl, let me also love you.
MYRRHINE
You must be joking. The boy's looking on.
CINESIAS
Here, Manes, take the child home!... There, he's gone.There's nothing in the way now. Come to the point.
MYRRHINE
Here in the open! In plain sight?
CINESIAS
In Pan's cave.A splendid place.
MYRRHINE
Where shall I dress my hair againBefore returning to the citadel?
CINESIAS
You can easily primp yourself in the Clepsydra.
MYRRHINE
But how can I break my oath?
CINESIAS
Leave that to me,I'll take all risk.
MYRRHINE
Well, I'll make you comfortable.
CINESIAS
Don't worry. I'd as soon lie on the grass.
MYRRHINE
No, by Apollo, in spite of all your faultsI won't have you lying on the nasty earth.(From here MYRRHINE keeps on going off to fetch things.)
CINESIAS
Ah, how she loves me.
MYRRHINE
Rest there on the bench,While I arrange my clothes. O what a nuisance,I must find some cushions first.
CINESIAS
Why some cushions?Please don't get them!
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MYRRHINE
What? The plain, hard wood?Never, by Artemis! That would be too vulgar.
CINESIAS
Open your arms!
MYRRHINE
No. Wait a second.
CINESIAS
O....Then hurry back again.
MYRRHINE
Here the cushions are.Lie down while I--O dear! But what a shame,You need more pillows.
CINESIAS
I don't want them, dear.
MYRRHINE
But I do.
CINESIAS
Thwarted affection mine,They treat you just like Heracles at a feastWith cheats of dainties, O disappointing arms!
MYRRHINE
Raise up your head.
CINESIAS
There, that's everything at last.
MYRRHINE
Yes, all.
CINESIAS
Then run to my arms, you golden girl.
MYRRHINE
I'm loosening my girdle now. But you've not forgotten?You're not deceiving me about the Treaty?
CINESIAS
No, by my life, I'm not.
MYRRHINE
Why, you've no blanket.
CINESIAS
It's not the silly blanket's warmth but yours I want.
MYRRHINE
Never mind. You'll soon have both. I'll come straight back.
CINESIAS
The woman will choke me with her coverlets.
MYRRHINE
Get up a moment.
CINESIAS
I'm up high enough.
MYRRHINE
Would you like me to perfume you?
CINESIAS
By Apollo, no!
MYRRHINE
By Aphrodite, I'll do it anyway.
CINESIAS
Lord Zeus, may she soon use up all the myrrh.
MYRRHINE
Stretch out your hand. Take it and rub it in.
CINESIAS
Hmm, it's not as fragrant as might be; that is,Not before it's smeared. It doesn't smell of kisses.
MYRRHINE
How silly I am: I've brought you Rhodian scents.
CINESIAS
It's good enough, leave it, love.
MYRRHINE
You must be jesting.
CINESIAS
Plague rack the man who first compounded scent!
MYRRHINE
Here, take this flask.
CINESIAS
I've a far better one.Don't tease me, come here, and get nothing more.
MYRRHINE
I'm coming.... I'm just drawing off my shoes....You're sure you will vote for Peace?
CINESIAS
I'll think about it.She runs off.I'm dead: the woman's worn me all away.She's gone and left me with an anguished pulse.
MEN
Baulked in your amorous delightHow melancholy is your plight.With sympathy your case I view;For I am sure it's hard on you.What human being could sustainThis unforeseen domestic strain,And not a single traceOf willing women in the place!
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CINESIAS
O Zeus, what throbbing suffering!
MEN
She did it all, the harlot, sheWith her atrocious harlotry.
WOMEN
Nay, rather call her darling-sweet.
MEN
What, sweet? She's a rude, wicked thing.
CINESIAS
A wicked thing, as I repeat.O Zeus, O Zeus,Canst Thou not suddenly let looseSome twirling hurricane to tearHer flapping up along the airAnd drop her, when she's whirled around,Here to the groundNeatly impaled upon the stakeThat's ready upright for her sake.He goes out.
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EnterSPARTAN HERALD.
TheMAGISTRATEcomes forward.
HERALD
What here gabs the Senate an' the Prytanes?I've fetcht despatches for them.
MAGISTRATE
Are you a manOr a monstrosity?
HERALD
My scrimp-brained lad,I'm a herald, as ye see, who hae come frae SpartaAnent a Peace.
MAGISTRATE
Then why do you hide that lanceThat sticks out under your arms?
HERALD.
I've brought no lance.
MAGISTRATE
Then why do you turn aside and hold your cloakSo far out from your body? Is your groin swollenWith stress of travelling?
HERALD
By Castor, I'll swearThe man is wud.
MAGISTRATE
Indeed, your cloak is wide,My rascal fellow.
HERALD
But I tell ye No!Enow o' fleering!
MAGISTRATE
Well, what is it then?
HERALD
It's my despatch cane.
MAGISTRATE
Of course--a Spartan cane!But speak right out. I know all this too well.Are new privations springing up in Sparta?
HERALD
Och, hard as could be: in lofty lusty columnsOur allies stand united. We maun get Pellene.
MAGISTRATE
Whence has this evil come? Is it from Pan?
HERALD
No. Lampito first ran asklent, then the othersSprinted after her example, and blocked, the hizzies,Their wames unskaithed against our every fleech.
MAGISTRATE
What did you do?
HERALD
We are broken, and bent double,Limp like men carrying lanthorns in great windsAbout the city. They winna let us evenWi' lightest neif skim their primsie prettiesTill we've concluded Peace-terms wi' a' Hellas.
MAGISTRATE
So the conspiracy is universal;This proves it. Then return to Sparta. Bid themSend envoys with full powers to treat of Peace;And I will urge the Senate here to choosePlenipotentiary ambassadors,As argument adducing this connection.
HERALD
I'm off. Your wisdom none could contravert.They retire.
MEN
There is no beast, no rush of fire, like woman so untamed.She calmly goes her way where even panthers would be shamed.
WOMEN
And yet you are fool enough, it seems, to dare to war with me,When for your faithful ally you might win me easily.
MEN
Never could the hate I feel for womankind grow less.
WOMEN
Then have your will. But I'll take pity on your nakedness.For I can see just how ridiculous you look, and soWill help you with your tunic if close up I now may go.
MEN
Well, that, by Zeus, is no scoundrel-deed, I frankly will admit.I only took them off myself in a scoundrel raging-fit.
WOMEN
Now you look sensible, and that you're men no one could doubt.If you were but good friends again, I'd take the insect outThat hurts your eye.
MEN
Is that what's wrong? That nasty bitie thing.Please squeeze it out, and show me what it is that makes this sting.It's been paining me a long while now.
WOMEN
Well I'll agree to that,Although you're most unmannerly. O what a giant gnat.Here, look! It comes from marshy Tricorysus, I can tell.
MEN
O thank you. It was digging out a veritable well.Now that it's gone, I can't hold back my tears. See how they fall.
WOMEN
I'll wipe them off, bad as you are, and kiss you after all.
MEN
I won't be kissed.
WOMEN
O yes, you will. Your wishes do not matter.
MEN
O botheration take you all! How you cajole and flatter.A hell it is to live with you; to live without, a hell:How truly was that said. But come, these enmities let's quell.You stop from giving orders and I'll stop from doing wrong.So let's join ranks and seal our bargain with a choric song.
CHORUS.
Athenians, it's not our intentionTo sow political dissensionBy giving any scandal mention;But on the contrary to promote good feeling in the stateBy word and deed. We've had enough calamities of late.So let a man or woman but divulgeThey need a trifle, say,Two minas, three or four,I've purses here that bulge.There's only one condition made(Indulge my whim in this I pray)--When Peace is signed once more,On no account am I to be repaid.
And I'm making preparationFor a gay select collationWith some youths of reputation.I've managed to produce some soup and they're slaughtering for meA sucking-pig: its flesh should taste as tender as could be.I shall expect you at my house today.To the baths make an early visit,And bring your children along;Don't dawdle on the way.Ask no one; enter as if the placeWas all your own--yours henceforth is it.If nothing chances wrong,The door will then be shut bang in your face.
TheSPARTAN AMBASSADORSapproach.
CHORUS
Here come the Spartan envoys with long, worried beards.Hail, Spartans how do you fare?Did anything new arise?
SPARTANS
No need for a clutter o' words. Do ye see our condition?
CHORUS
The situation swells to greater tension.Something will explode soon.
SPARTANS
It's awfu' truly.But come, let us wi' the best speed we mayScribble a Peace.
CHORUS
I notice that our menLike wrestlers poised for contest, hold their clothesOut from their bellies. An athlete's malady!Since exercise alone can bring relief.
ATHENIANS
Can anyone tell us where Lysistrata is?There is no need to describe our men's condition,It shows up plainly enough.
CHORUS
It's the same disease.Do you feel a jerking throbbing in the morning?
ATHENIANS
By Zeus, yes! In these straits, I'm racked all through.Unless Peace is soon declared, we shall be drivenIn the void of women to try Cleisthenes.
CHORUS
Be wise and cover those things with your tunics.Who knows what kind of person may perceive you?
ATHENIANS
By Zeus, you're right.
SPARTANS
By the Twa Goddesses,Indeed ye are. Let's put our tunics on.
ATHENIANS
Hail O my fellow-sufferers, hail Spartans.
SPARTANS
O hinnie darling, what a waefu' thing!If they had seen us wi' our lunging waddies!
ATHENIANS
Tell us then, Spartans, what has brought you here?
SPARTANS
We come to treat o' Peace.
ATHENIANS
Well spoken there!And we the same. Let us callout LysistrataSince she alone can settle the Peace-terms.
SPARTANS
Callout Lysistratus too if ye don't mind.
CHORUS
No indeed. She hears your voices and she comes.
Enter LYSISTRATA
Hail, Wonder of all women! Now you must be in turnHard, shifting, clear, deceitful, noble, crafty, sweet, and stern.The foremost men of Hellas, smitten by your fascination,Have brought their tangled quarrels here for your sole arbitration.
LYSISTRATA
An easy task if the love's raging home-sicknessDoesn't start trying out how well each otherWill serve instead of us. But I'll know at onceIf they do. O where's that girl, Reconciliation?Bring first before me the Spartan delegates,And see you lift no rude or violent hands--None of the churlish ways our husbands used.But lead them courteously, as women should.And if they grudge fingers, guide them by other methods,And introduce them with ready tact. The AtheniansDraw by whatever offers you a grip.Now, Spartans, stay here facing me. Here you,Athenians. Both hearken to my words.I am a woman, but I'm not a fool.And what of natural intelligence I ownHas been filled out with the remembered preceptsMy father and the city-elders taught me.First I reproach you both sides equallyThat when at Pylae and Olympia,At Pytho and the many other shrinesThat I could name, you sprinkle from one cupThe altars common to all Hellenes, yetYou wrack Hellenic cities, bloody HellasWith deaths of her own sons, while yonder clangsThe gathering menace of barbarians.
ATHENIANS
We cannot hold it in much longer now.
LYSISTRATA
Now unto you, O Spartans, do I speak.Do you forget how your own countryman,Pericleidas, once came hither suppliantBefore our altars, pale in his purple robes,Praying for an army when in MesseniaDanger growled, and the Sea-god made earth quaver.Then with four thousand hoplites Cimon marchedAnd saved all Sparta. Yet base ingrates now,You are ravaging the soil of your preservers.
ATHENIANS
By Zeus, they do great wrong, Lysistrata.
SPARTANS
Great wrong, indeed. O! What a luscious wench!
LYSISTRATA
And now I turn to the Athenians.Have you forgotten too how once the SpartansIn days when you wore slavish tunics, cameAnd with their spears broke a Thessalian hostAnd all the partisans of Hippias?They alone stood by your shoulder on that day.They freed you, so that for the slave's short skirtYou should wear the trailing cloak of liberty.
SPARTANS
I've never seen a nobler woman anywhere.
ATHENIANS
Nor I one with such prettily jointing hips.
LYSISTRATA
Now, brethren twined with mutual benefactions,Can you still war, can you suffer such disgrace?Why not be friends? What is there to prevent you?
SPARTANS
We're agreed, gin that we get this tempting Mole.
LYSISTRATA
Which one?
SPARTANS
That ane we've wanted to get into,O for sae lang.... Pylos, of course.
ATHENIANS
By Poseidon,Never!
LYSISTRATA
Give it up.
ATHENIANS
Then what will we do?We need that ticklish place united to us--
LYSISTRATA
Ask for some other lurking-hole in return.
ATHENIANS
Then, ah, we'll choose this snug thing here, Echinus,Shall we call the nestling spot? And this backside haven,These desirable twin promontories, the Maliac,And then of course these Megarean Legs.
SPARTANS
Not that, O surely not that, never that.
LYSISTRATA
Agree! Now what are two legs more or less?
ATHENIANS
I want to strip at once and plough my land.
SPARTANS
And mine I want to fertilize at once.
LYSISTRATA
And so you can, when Peace is once declared.If you mean it, get your allies' heads togetherAnd come to some decision.
ATHENIANS
What allies?There's no distinction in our politics:We've risen as one man to this conclusion;Every ally is jumping-mad to drive it home.
SPARTANS
And ours the same, for sure.
ATHENIANS
The Carystians first!I'll bet on that.
LYSISTRATA
I agree with all of you.Now off, and cleanse yourselves for the Acropolis,For we invite you all in to a supperFrom our commissariat baskets. There at tableYou will pledge good behaviour and uprightness;Then each man's wife is his to hustle home.
ATHENIANS
Come, as quickly as possible.
SPARTANS
As quick as ye like.Lead on.
ATHENIANS
O Zeus, quick, quick, lead quickly on.They hurry off.
CHORUS.
Broidered stuffs on high I'm heaping,Fashionable cloaks and sweepingTrains, not even gold gawds keeping.Take them all, I pray you, take them all (I do not care)And deck your children--your daughter, if the Basket she's to bear.Come, everyone of you, come in and takeOf this rich hoard a share.Nought's tied so skilfullyBut you its seal can breakAnd plunder all you spy inside.I've laid out all that I can spare,And therefore you will seeNothing unless than I you're sharper-eyed.If lacking corn a man should beWhile his slaves clamour hungrilyAnd his excessive progeny,Then I've a handfull of grain at home which is always to be had,And to which in fact a more-than-life-size loaf I'd gladly add.