CHAPTER XX.THE BURDEN GROWS HEAVIER.
Of the days which followed, Maddy had no distinct consciousness. She only knew that other hands than hers cared for the dead; that in the little parlor a stiff, white figure lay; that neighboring women stole in, treading on tiptoe, and speaking in hushed voices as they consulted, not her, but Mrs. Noah, who had come at once, and cared for her and hers so kindly. That she lay all day in her own room, where the summer breeze blew softly through the window, bringing the perfume of summer flowers, the sound of a tolling bell, of grinding wheels, the notes of a low, sad hymn, sung in faltering tones and of many feet moving from the door. Then friendly faces looked in upon her, asking how she felt, and whispering ominously to each other as she answered:
“Very well; is grandpa getting better?”
Then Mrs. Noah sat with her for a time, fanningher with a palm-leaf fan and brushing the flies away. Then Flora came up with a man whom they called “Doctor,” and who gave her sundry little pills and powders, after which they all went out and left her there with Jessie, who had been crying, and whose soft little hands felt so cool on her hot head, and whose kisses on her lips made the tears start, and brought a thought of Guy, making her ask, “if he was at the funeral.” She did not know whose funeral she meant, or why she used that word, only it seemed to her that Jessie had just come back from somebody’s grave, and she asked if Guy was there.
“No,” Jessie said; “mother wanted to write and tell him, but we don’t know where he is.”
And this was all Maddy could recall of the days succeeding the night of her last watch at her grandfather’s side, until one balmy August afternoon, when on the Honedale hills there lay that smoky haze so like the autumn time hurrying on apace, and when through her open window stole the fragrance of the later summer flowers. Then, as if waking from an ordinary sleep, she woke suddenly to consciousness, and staring about the room, wondered if it were as late as the western sun would indicate, and how she came to sleep so long.
For a while she lay thinking, and as she thought, a sad scene came back to her, a night when her hot hands had been enfolded in those of the dead, and that dead her grandfather. Was it true, or was she laboring under some hallucination of the brain? If true, was that white, pallid face still to be seen in the room below, or had they buried him from her sight? She would know, and with a strange kind of nervous strength she rose, and throwing on the wrapper and slippers which lay near, descended the stairs, wondering to find herself so weak, and half shuddering at the deep stillness of the house—a stillness broken only by the ticking of the clock and the purring of the house cat, which at sight of Maddy arose from its position near the door and came forward, rubbing its sides against her dress, and trying in various ways to evince its joy at seeing one whose caresses it had missed so long. The little bed-room off the kitchen, where grandpa slept and died, was vacant; the old-fashioned coat was put away, as was every vestige of the old man, save the broad-rimmed hat which hung upon the wall just where his hands had hung it, and which looked so much like its owner that with a gush of tears Maddy sank upon the bed, moaning to herself, “Yes, grandpa is dead. I remember now. But UncleJoseph, where is he? Can he too have died without my knowledge?” and she looked around in vain for the lunatic, not a trace of whom was to be found.
His room was in perfect order, as was everything about the house, showing that Flora was still the domestic goddess, while Maddy detected also various things which she recognized as having come from Aikenside. Who sent them? Did Guy, and had he been there too while she was sick? The thought brought a throb of joy to Maddy’s heart, but it soon passed away as she began again to wonder if Uncle Joseph, too, had died, and where Flora was. It was not far to the Honedale burying-ground, and Maddy could see the head-stones gleaming through the August sunlight; could discern her mother’s, and knew that two fresh mounds at least were made beside it. But were there three? Was Uncle Joseph there? By stealing across the meadow in the rear of the house the distance to the graveyard was shortened more than half, and could not be more than the eighth part of a mile. She could walk so far, she knew. The fresh air would do her good, and hunting up her long unused hat, the impatient girl started, stopping once or twice to rest as a dizzy faintness came over her, and then continuing on until the spot she sought wasreached. There were three graves, one old and sunken, one made when the last winter’s snow was on the hills, the other fresh and new. That was all. Uncle Joseph was not there, and vague terror entered Maddy’s heart lest he had been taken back to the asylum.
“I will get him out,” she said; “I will take care of him. I should die with nothing to do; and I promised grandpa——”
She could get no further, for the rush of memories which came over her, and seating herself upon the ground close to the new grave, she laid her face upon it, and sobbed piteously:
“Oh, grandpa, I’m so lonely without you all; I almost wish I was lying here in the quiet yard.”
Then a storm of tears ensued, after which Maddy grew calm, and with her head still bent down did not hear the rapid step coming down the grassy road, past the marble tomb-stones, to where she was crouching upon the ground. There it stopped, and in a half whisper some one called, “Maddy! Maddy!”
Then she started, and lifting up her head saw before her Guy Remington. For a moment she regarded him intently, while he said to her, kindly, pityingly:
“Poor child, you have suffered so much, and I never knew of it till a few days ago.”
At the sound of that loved voice speaking thus to her, everything else was forgotten, and with a cry of joy Maddy stretched her hands toward him, moaning out:
“Oh, Guy, Guy, where have you been, when I wanted you so much?”
Maddy did not know what she was saying, or half comprehend the effect it had on Guy, who forgot everything save that she had missed him, had turned to him in her trouble, and it was not in his nature to resist her appeal. With a spring he was at her side, and lifting her in his arms seated himself upon her mother’s grave; then straining her tightly to his bosom, he kissed her again and again. Hot, burning, passionate kisses they were, which took from Maddy all power of resistance, even had she wished to resist, which she did not. Too weak to reason, or see the harm, if harm there were, in being loved by Guy, she abandoned herself for a brief interval to the bliss of knowing that she was beloved, and of hearing him tell her so.
“Darling Maddy,” he said, “I went away because you sent me, but now I have come back, and nothingshall part us again. You are mine, I claim you here at your mother’s grave. Dear Maddy, I did not know of all this till three days ago, when Agnes’s letter found me almost at the Rocky Mountains. Then I traveled day and night, reaching Aikenside this morning, and coming straight to Honedale. I wish I had come before, now that I know you wanted me. Say that again, Maddy. Tell me again that you missed and wanted me.”
He was smoothing her hair, as her head still lay pillowed upon his breast, so he could not see the spasm of pain which contorted her features as he thus appealed to her. Half bewildered, Maddy could not at first make out whether it were a blissful dream or a reality, that she was there in Guy’s arms, with his kisses on her forehead, lips and cheek, his words of love in her ear, and the soft summer sky smiling down upon her. Alas, it was a dream from which she was awakened by the thought of one across the sea, whoso place she had usurped, and this it was which brought the grieved expression to her face as she answered mournfully:
“I did want you, Guy, when I forgot; but now—oh, Guy—Lucy Atherstone!”
With a gesture of impatience Guy was about toanswer, when something in the heavy fall of the little hand from his shoulder alarmed him, and lifting up the drooping head he saw that Maddy had fainted. Then back across the meadow Guy bore her to the cottage, where Flora, who had just returned from a neighbor’s, whither she had gone upon an errand, was looking for her in much affright, and wondering who had come from Aikenside with that wet, tired horse, which showed so plainly how hard it had been driven.
They carried Maddy again into her little chamber, which she never left until the golden harvest sheaves were gathered in, and the hot September sun was ripening the fruits of autumn. But now she had a new nurse, a constant attendant, who during the day seldom left her except to talk with and amuse Uncle Joseph, mourning below because no one sang to him or noticed him as Maddy used to do. He had not been sent to the asylum, as Maddy feared, but by way of relieving Flora had been taken to Farmer Green’s, where he was so homesick and discontented that at Guy’s instigation he was suffered to return to the cottage, crying like a little child when the old familiar spot was reached, kissing his arm-chair, the cook-stove, the tongs, Mrs. Noah and Flora, and timidly offering to kiss the Lord Governor himself, as he persistedin calling Guy, who declined the honor, but listened quietly to the crazy man’s promise “not to to spit the smallest kind of a spit on the floor, or anywhere except in its proper place.”
Guy had passed through several states of mind during the interval in which we have seen so little of him. Furious at one time, and reckless as to consequences, he had determined to break with Lucy and marry Maddy, in spite of everybody; then, as a sense of honor came over him, he resolved to forget Maddy, if possible, and marry Lucy at once. It was in this last mood, and while roaming over the Western country, whither after his banishment he had gone, that he wrote Lucy a strange kind of letter, saying he had waited for her long enough, and sick or well he should claim her the coming autumn. To this letter Lucy had responded quickly, sweetly reproving Guy for his impatience, softly hinting that latterly he had been quite as culpable as herself in the matter of deferring their union, and appointing the bridal day for the —— of December. After this was settled Guy felt better, though the old sore spot in his heart, where Maddy Clyde had been, was very sore still, and sometimes it required all his powers of self-control to keep from writing to Lucy and asking to be released froman engagement so irksome as his had become. He had neglected to answer Agnes’s letters when he first left home, and she did not know where he was until a short time before his return, when she wrote apprising him of grandpa’s death and Maddy’s severe illness. This brought him at once, and Maddy’s involuntary outburst when she met him in the graveyard, changed the whole current of his intentions. Let what would come, Maddy Clyde should be his wife, and as such he watched over her constantly, nursing her back to life, and by his manner effectually silencing all remark, so that the neighbors whispered among themselves what Maddy’s prospects were, and, as was quite natural, were a very little more attentive to the future lady of Aikenside. Poor Maddy! it was a terrible trial which awaited her, but it must be met, and so with prayers and tears she fortified herself to meet it, while Guy hung over her, never guessing of all that was passing in her mind, or how, when he was out of sight, the lips he had longed so much to kiss, but never had since that day in the graveyard, quivered with anguish as they asked for strength to do right; crying often, “Help me, Father, to do my duty, and give me, too, a greater inclination to do it than I now possess.”
Maddy’s heart failed her sometimes, and she might have yielded to the temptation but for a letter from Lucy, full of eager anticipations of the time when she should see Guy, never to part again.
“Sometimes,” she wrote, “there comes over me a dark foreboding of evil—a fear that I shall miss the cup now just within my reach; but I pray the bad feelings away. I am sure there is no living being who will come between us to break my heart, and as I know God doeth all things well, I trust him wholly and cease to doubt.”
It was well the letter came when it did, as it helped Maddy to meet the hour she so much dreaded, and which came at last on an afternoon when Mrs. Noah had gone to Aikenside, and Flora had gone on an errand to a neighbor’s two miles away, thus leaving Guy free to tell the story, so old, yet always new to him who tells it and to her who listens, the story which, as Guy told it, sitting by Maddy’s side, with her hands in his, thrilled her through and through, making the sweat-drops start out around her lips and underneath her hair; the story which made Guy himself pant nervously and tremble like a leaf, so earnestly he told her how long he had loved her, of the picture withheld, the jealousy he felt each time thedoctor named her, the selfish joy he experienced when he heard the doctor was refused; of his growing dissatisfaction with his engagement, his frequent resolves to break it, his final decision, which that scene in the graveyard had reversed, and then asked if she would not be his—not doubtfully, but confidently, eagerly as if sure of her answer.
Alas for Guy! he could not believe he heard aright when, turning her head away for a moment while she prayed for strength, Maddy’s answer came, “I cannot, Guy, I cannot. I acknowledge the love which has stolen upon me, I know not how, but I cannot do this wrong to Lucy. Away from me you will love her again. You must. Read this, Guy, then say if you can desert her.”
She placed Lucy’s letter in his hand, and Guy read it with a heart which ached to its very core. It was cruel to deceive that gentle, trusting girl writing so lovingly of him, but to lose Maddy was to his undisciplined nature more dreadful still, and casting the letter aside he pleaded again, this time with the energy of despair, for he read his fate in Maddy’s face, and when her lips a second time confirmed her first reply, while she appealed to his sense of honor, of justice, of right, and told him he could and must forget her, heknew there was no hope, and, man though he was, bowed his head upon Maddy’s hands and wept stormily, with mighty, choking sobs, which shook his frame, and seemed to break up the very fountains of his life. Then to Maddy there came a terrible temptation. Was it right for two who loved as they did to live their lives apart?—right in her to force on Guy the fulfillment of vows he could not literally keep? As mental struggles are always the more severe, so Maddy’s took all her strength away, and for many minutes she was so white and still that Guy roused himself to care for her, thinking of nothing then except to make her better.
It was a long time ere that interview ended, but when it did there was on Maddy’s face a peaceful expression, which only the sense of having done right at the cost of a fearful sacrifice could give, while Guy’s bore traces of a great and crushing sorrow, as he went out from Maddy’s presence and felt that to him she was lost forever. He had promised her he would do right; had said he would marry Lucy, and be to her what a husband should be; and he had listened while she talked of another world, where they neither marry or are given in marriage, and where it would not be sinful for them to love each other, and as she talkedher face had shone like the face of an angel. He had hold one of her hands at parting, bending low his head, while she laid the other on it as she blessed him, letting her fingers thread his soft brown hair for a moment and linger caressingly among his curly locks. But that was over now. They had parted forever. She was lying where he left her, cold and white, and faint with dizzy pain. He was riding swiftly toward Aikenside, his heart-beats keeping time to the swift tread of his horse’s feet, and his mind a confused medley of distracted thoughts, amid which two facts stood out prominent and clear—he had lost Maddy Clyde, and had promised her to marry Lucy Atherstone.
For many days after that Guy kept his room, saying he was sick, and refusing to see any one save Jessie and Mrs. Noah, the latter of whom guessed in part what had happened, and imputing to him far more credit than he deserved, petted and pitied and cared for him until he grew weary of it, and said to her, savagely:
“You needn’t think me so good, for I am not. I wanted Maddy Clyde, and told her so, but she refused me and made me promise to marry Lucy; so I’m going to do that very thing. I am going to England in a few weeks, or as soon as Maddy is better, and beforethe sun of this year sets I shall be a married man.”
After this all Mrs. Noah’s influence was in favor of Maddy, and the good lady made more than one pilgrimage to Honedale, where she expended all her arguments trying to make Maddy revoke her decision; but Maddy was firm in what she deemed right, and as her health began slowly to improve, and there was no longer an excuse for Guy to tarry, he started for England the latter part of October, as unhappy and unwilling a bridegroom, it may be, as ever went after a bride.