The view of the ordinary young man.
But there are bright exceptions to these who do not allow themselves to be carried away by the flattery implied in a girl’s attentions, and who can consider her welfare in selfless fashion. Sometimes fastidious taste comes to their aid and makes withdrawal from an interesting companionship comparatively easy.
The manly young man does his own wooing.
For, after all, the manly young man has a prejudice in favour of doing his own wooing!
Invitations from girls.
It is not at all necessary that a man should accept invitations from a girl to meet her at restaurants, subscription dances, bazaars, or any other place. If a girl so far forgets herself, and is so lacking in modesty and propriety as to make appointments with young men in such ways as these, she cannot be worth much, and may lead the young man into a very serious scrape. A public horse-whipping is an extremely disagreeable thing, and yet cases have been known when such have been administered by irate brothers or fathers, when the only fault committed by the young man had been to obeythe commands of a forward and bold young woman—one of the sort to whom Hamlet would have said, “Get thee to a nunnery.”
They are better ignored.
Such invitations are better ignored, though it is difficult for the average young man to resist the temptation of being courted and flattered, and of seeking the society of girls who administer these pleasant attentions. But if their standard is a high one, they would say to themselves: “What should I like another fellow to do, supposing the girl were my sister?” (Almost always he mentally adds, “God forbid!”) This clears up the question for him at once. If he is high-minded and honourable he keeps away. If he is unscrupulous and self-indulgent he meets the girl and lets the acquaintanceship drift on to dangerous ground.
The danger of the proceeding.
Such girls as these can never tell if a man whose past and present and surrounding circumstances are unknown to her is a scoundrel or otherwise. Fortunately, the code of manners obtaining amongst the educated and well-brought-up forbids all such indiscriminate acquaintance-making.
The offenders.
Girls who stoop to it are usually those who have failed to secure attention in their own circle, and belong, as a rule, to the sort of girl who marries a groom orruns away with a good-looking footman.
Offering an unknown lady an umbrella.
A young man once asked me if it would be etiquette to offer an unknown lady an umbrella in the street, supposing she stood in need of one. I replied: “Noladywould accept the offer from a stranger, and the other sort of person might never return the umbrella.” In large towns women of breeding soon learn to view casual attentions from well-dressed men with the deepest distrust. They would suffer any amount of inconvenience rather than accept a favour from a stranger, knowing that so many men make it their amusement to prowl about the streets, looking after pretty faces and graceful figures, and forcing their attentions on the owners.
A contemptible class of men.
Contemptible curs they are, whether young or old, and they are of all ages. Very young girls have sometimes extremely unpleasant experiences with such men, not only in the streets but in omnibuses, trams, and trains. Cultivating a gentlemanly exterior, they can yet never be gentlemen, and a good, pure woman finds something hateful in the look of their eyes, the whole expression of their faces.
Their female counterparts.
It cannot be denied, however, that there is a corresponding class of women and girls who make promiscuous male acquaintances in thestreets, and the young man learns to distinguish these from respectable members of the community almost as soon as the young girl learns to dread and fear the prowling man.
Offers of service from strangers not therefore allowable.
The existence of such a state of things makes self-respecting women most careful to accept no advances from a stranger, and the true gentleman, understanding this, refrains from offers of assistance that he would gladly make were society so constituted as to be free from such pests as the above.
On removing a cigar when passing a lady.
In passing ladies on the promenade, in the street or Park, if a man chance to be smoking, he always takes his cigar from his mouth, replacing it when the lady or ladies have passed on. In the crowded streets of great cities this, if carried out in full entirety, would be too much. Therefore it is observed only with reference to such ladies as pass the smoker quite closely. “I know he is a gentleman,” said a girl once of a good-looking young fellow whose appearance had pleased her—“I know he is a gentleman, for he stopped smoking directly he saw us.” It is in the observance of little things of this kind that one shows clearly one’s breeding or lack of it.
When a young man is walking with a lady, and happens to meet another lady with whom he is on more intimate terms than with his companion, he mustask pardon of the latter if he should stop to speak.
Meeting a more intimate acquaintance when with a lady.
“Excuse me for one moment,” he would say, and his companion, if a gentlewoman, would walk some yards on, and then slowly stroll along until he joined her again. The strict rule is that when walking with a lady a man should never leave her side.
The rule for introductions in such a case.
Suppose a young man were to meet his mother or sister while he was in the company of a lady unknown to them, he must not introduce her to them or them to her without having previously obtained special permission on both sides. There are young men who make acquaintance with girls in a lower walk of life than their own. It would be an insult to mother or sister to introduce a milliner’s apprentice or an assistant in a shop, or, in fact, any one whom he had picked up without a regular introduction.
Acquaintance without introduction.
No respectable young woman would walk with or talk with any man to whom she had not had a proper introduction. The inference is that those who do so are not respectable, and must not, therefore, be introduced to those who are.
Stopping to speak to a lady.
The old rule was that when a gentleman stopped to speak to a lady in the street he walked a little way with her in the direction in which shehad been going.
The old rule and the new.
But now this is less observed than it used to be. The lady herself, if she wishes the conversation to be a short one, stops at once, knowing that it will be easier for a man to terminate it in these circumstances than if he were sauntering by her side.
Handing ladies to their carriage.
Inhanding ladies to their carriage a man offers his right arm to the senior of the party and walks with her to the door, opening it with his left hand. The others will probably follow without escort, but if not, he must offer it to each in turn, holding an umbrella over them should it be raining. He closes the door and conveys their orders to the footman or coachman.
The man takes the back seat.
Should he be invited to enter the carriage with them, he always takes the back seat—that is, with his back to the horses—unless specially invited to the front one. He must not either raise or lower the windows unless requested to do so.
On smoking in a carriage.
Should he be smoking, he throws away his cigar or cigarette at once. If he should be a very intimate acquaintance of the lady, he may ask her permission to smoke, but never otherwise, since it is disagreeable for a woman to refuse such permission, and consequently she often gives it when she really dislikes the smell of tobacco,especially in the limited space of a carriage, should it be a closed one.
Pronunciation of “brougham.”
It may be as well to mention here that the proper pronunciation of the word “brougham” is as though it were spelled “broom,” quite short and monosyllabic. This is a trifle, of course, but, like many another equally small matter, it is indicative of those accustomed to good society.
Guarding the lady’s dress.
Inhanding a lady into a hansom care must be taken to protect her dress from the muddy wheel. The gentleman asks if she would like the glasses down, and conveys her instructions to the driver, then raises his hat as she drives away.
When accompanying the lady.
Should he be accompanying her in the hansom, she seats herself at the nearest side to the pavement, so that when he enters he will not have to go round a corner, as it were. In this case he gives the cabman instructions across the roof of the cab, and if his companion wishes the glasses to be lowered, he asks for them through the trap-door at the top of the cab. He must never smoke when the glasses are let down—to do so would render the atmosphere unbearable to almost any woman. But if he knows his partner in the drive sufficiently well, he can ask permission to smoke, should the glasses not be required.
Theetiquette in this, as in many other matters, has quite altered during the last few years. At one time it was considered a sign of infamously bad taste to smoke in the presence of women in any circumstances. But it is now no longer so.
The domain of Princess Nicotine.
So many women smoke themselves, that in some houses even the drawing-room is thrown open to Princess Nicotine.
The leader of the fashion.
The example of the Prince of Wales has been largely instrumental in sweeping away the old restrictions. He smokes almost incessantly. On one occasion, at the Ranelagh Club, I noticed that he consumed four cigars in rapid succession, almost without five minutes’ interval between them. The only time that he left off smoking, during the three hours that he remained in the Pavilion with the Princess and other ladies, was for ten minutes when tea was handed round.
The lengths to which a smoker may now go.
It is now no uncommon thing to see a man in evening dress smoking in a brougham with a lady on their way to opera, theatre, or dinner engagement. This is going rather far, for a woman’s evening dress implies shutwindows, except in the height of summer, and her garments become as much impregnated with the odour of tobacco as if she had herself been smoking.
On getting rid of the smell.
Some men have a knack of ridding their clothes and themselves of the fumes of smoke in a wonderful way. Perhaps one reason of this is that the tobacco they use is of a mild sort.
Try the clothes-brush.
Perhaps the diligent use of the clothes-brush is another. But there are also men round whom cling the odours of stale tobacco with a very disagreeable constancy. Why it should be so I cannot pretend to say. It must be due to carelessness of some kind, and carelessness in such matters amounts to bad manners. Even to men who smoke—and much more to those who do not—the smell of stale tobacco is revolting. Fancy, then, how it must offend the olfactory nerves of women. Such men suggest the stableyard while they are yet several yards away!
Personal cleanliness a hall-mark of the English gentleman.
A very delicate, even exquisite, personal cleanliness is characteristic of the true gentleman, and more particularly the English gentleman, who is noted all the world over for his devotion to his “tub” and his immaculate propriety in all matters of the toilette. This is not claiming too much for my countrymen.It is acknowledged by other nations that ours is superior in this respect. Once, indeed, I heard a curious inversion of this. At a foreign hotel one waiter said to the other in their mutual language: “What dirty fellows these English must be to want such a lot of washing! I’ve carried up four cans of water to No. 47 this morning!”
Sauntering up the street of a small German town one day, two English ladies saw, a couple of hundred yards away, a party of men standing admiring an ancient gateway.
“They must be English.”
“They must be English,” said one of the ladies; and before she could finish her sentence the other finished it for her in the very words she had been about to utter: “They are so beautifully clean!”
The close-cropped head.
This characteristic is carried to an extreme in the close clipping of the hair; but as fashion ordains that it must be worn very short, its behests must be obeyed by all who wish to be in society and of it.
The “long-haired fellow.”
“Who is that long-haired fellow?” is the question invariably asked about any man whose visits to the barber are infrequent. “Must be an artist or a music man,” is the frequent commentary. Sometimes he is merely careless of conventionalities, and by being so proves that he is rather “out of it” where good society is concerned. The rule appearsto be that directly a man finds that he has any hair worth brushing, he must immediately go and have it cut. It would be much more becoming if allowed to grow a little longer, but things being as they are, only the few can afford to defy the ordinary custom.
The humble omnibus.
Thehumble omnibus may be thought by some readers too democratic a kind of conveyance to be considered in a book on Manners. Not at all! There are several reasons why it should have a place in such a volume.
It is now used by all classes.
The first is, that during the last ten years or so the omnibus has been largely used by women of the educated, cultured, and well-dressed classes. Another and stronger reason is that no considerations of the kind should affect a man’s manners. If he can behave like a gentleman in a carriage, he is almost certain to do so in an omnibus, andvice versâ. It is even more difficult in the humbler vehicle. In a carriage one is seldom crowded up to the degree that often occurs in the plebeian “’bus.” In fact, there are far more opportunities for the display of good manners in the latter than in the former. Many of them are of a negative character.
A fine field for true courtesy.
True courtesy, for instance, will prevent a man from infringing the rights of his neighbours on either side by occupying more than hisown allotted space.
The man who wants all the room.
Very stout men are obliged to do so, but at least they need not spread out their knees in a way that is calculated to aggravate the evil. Nor need they arrange themselves in a comfortable oblique position, with the result of enhancing the inconvenience they must necessarily cause to those near them. Even a thin man can take up a quantity of room by thus disposing himself at an angle of forty-five with the other occupants of an omnibus.
The morning paper may be converted into an offensive weapon in the hands of the rude and careless, who open it out to its fullest width, regardless of the comfort of those sitting next them.
The “newspaper” offender.
Newspapers are rather unwieldy things to turn and twist about in a limited space, but this very circumstance affords a man an opportunity of displaying his skill in manipulating the large, wide sheets, without dashing them in the face of his nearest neighbour, or knocking up against anybody in a series of awkward movements that a little care could easily convert into leisurely, graceful ones.
The wet umbrella nuisance.
There is another way in which men are apt to be careless, and that is in the disposal of a wet umbrella. Women are even more so, but these remarks are intended particularly for men, and beyond acknowledging that membersof my own sex are equal sinners, I must leave them out of the question. When any one takes a dripping umbrella into an omnibus, he must charge himself with the task of seeing that it annoys no one but himself. If he can, at the same time, protect himself, well and good; but he must be altruistic in the matter and care for others first; the alternative being to prove himself lacking in one form of good manners. He must not even let his wet umbrella lean up against a vacant part of the cushioned seat, rendering it damp for the next comer.
The rights of the absent.
His social conscience cannot be up to its work if he permits himself to ignore the right of the absent to consideration, merely because they are absent.
Allowing umbrellas and sticks to protrude so as to trip up unwary passengers is another thing to be avoided.
Carrying umbrellas and sticks.
Carrying a stick or umbrella under the arm with the ferule protruding at the back and threatening the eyes of those who walk behind, is always a reprehensible practice, and one that is fraught with danger, and it is perhaps more than ever dangerous when the proprietor is ascending or descending the steps of an omnibus. At such moments passengers are liable to sudden checks from various causes, and the resultant backward jerk can be quite annoying enough to those behindwithout the aggravation of a pointed stick assaulting them. I have seen a girl’s hat torn off her head in this way, its numerous securing pins making havoc in her coiffure and eliciting lively expressions of pain.
Entering and leaving an omnibus.
It might appear hardly necessary to advocate care in walking up past other passengers inside an omnibus, for fear of treading on their feet, and to recommend a word of apology in case of any such transgression. But there have been cases which point to the desirability of a word of advice on such points.
Apology covers a multitude of social sins.
The ready apology covers a multitude of social sins. From some men it comes with an expression of such earnest solicitude that, anxious to reassure them, one quite willingly makes light of the damage done.
The lady first, entering and leaving.
In escorting a lady a man hands her into the omnibus before entering it himself; and if she prefers the top, he lets her mount the staircase in front of him. There seems to be an idea in the lowly classes that it is correct to precede a lady in ascending steps or stairs. This is not in accordance with the practice of good society. If circumstances do not admit of the two walking abreast, then the lady goes first, both in ascending and descending any stairs.
It is by no means necessary that anyman should resign his seat in or on an omnibus simply because a woman wishes for it.
On giving up one’s seat to a lady.
The conductor has no right to ask “if any gentleman will go outside to oblige a lady”; and no gentlewoman would allow him to ask such a favour on her behalf. The inside passengers have selected inside seats, thereby testifying to their preference for them, and they should be allowed to retain them without interference.
Women offenders.
I have seen a delicate-looking boy, racked with a hacking cough, induced to ride outside on a cold and rainy night in order that a fat, rosy, healthy woman might have his inside seat. I felt all the more indignant on his behalf because the woman never even thanked him. It was no business of mine, but I was rejoiced to hear a man’s voice mutter in the darkness, “She looks better able to face it than that pale-faced lad.” But the woman wore a smug, well-pleased air, little knowing that her fellow-passengers were almost all regarding her with a feeling of dislike.
No lady would request this favour.
I repeat that no lady, in the highest sense of the term, would ever permit the conductor of an omnibus to ask such a favour for her. She would not ask it for herself; unlike a woman whom I saw, one day, mount on the step of an omnibus and inquire of the“insides,” “Won’t any genelman ride outside to oblige a lydy?” the “lydy” being herself.
It can never be out of place for a man to give up his seat in favour of the old and infirm, or for a woman with a baby in her arms.
Higher laws than etiquette.
But such matters as these belong to a region of heart and mind beyond mere manners, and it is useless to suggest any line of action on such subjects. The impulse must come from within.
Smoking on the top of an omnibus.
There have been women so unreasonable as to complain of men smoking on the top of an omnibus. Could anything be more illogical? First, they invade the seats that have been claimed by man as his right (though perhaps unjustly) for many long years, and then they feel annoyed because he smokes in their presence. Or, to speak accurately, they are petulant because his tobacco is often rank, strong, and consequently evil-smelling.
A man is justified in so doing.
But no man need feel it necessary to put out his pipe or throw away his cigar in these circumstances. Should he find himself so placed that the wind blows his smoke in the face of a woman, he may propose to change seats with her, in order that she may be spared the inconvenience. But no woman could rationally expect him to do more.
Riding costume for the Park.
A greatchange has taken place during the last few years in the character of riding costume for the Park. The subject may scarcely be a suitable one for a little book intended for those unaccustomed to the usages of the society of the wealthy. But there are almost always exceptional cases in which such information may be found of use.
Disappearance of the black coat.
Only quite old-fashioned people ride in black coats, the usual gear consisting of knickerbocker suits with Norfolk, or other country jacket, brown tops and bowler hats. It must be admitted that this is a distinct gain in picturesqueness. Straw hats are often seen on riders in the Park, but these have not quite so good an effect. The old formalities in dress are rapidly disappearing.
The scope and limitations of the tweed suit.
A man may ride in town in a tweed suit, which once would have been considered highly heterodox. He may even walk about London in the height of the season in a tweed suit, but it is not considered correct for him to join his friends in the Parkwithout reverting to the black coat and high hat. Many an old statesman is still to be seen in the Park riding in frock-coat and tall hat, just as John Leech depicted the men of his day.
There are certain rules of etiquette connected with riding on horseback, which no one can afford to ignore. It is extremely ill-mannered to gallop noisily past a mounted lady, the risk being of startling her horse and inconveniencing her, if not subjecting her to an accident.
The rule of the road for equestrians.
The rule of the road for equestrians is to keep to the left, exactly the opposite to that for pedestrians. In passing others in front a detour is made to the right; in meeting other riders or wheel traffic of any sort the rider keeps close to the left. In accompanying a lady the gentleman keeps on her right hand, whether in town or on country roads.
At a meet of hounds.
At a meet of hounds, where ladies in carriages often assemble, it is not polite to keep too near them if mounted on a fidgety horse. When the hounds throw off, the inexperienced in such matters has a disagreeable way of getting in front in his eagerness, and sometimes overriding the hounds.
“A crime of the blackest dye.”
This, in the eyes of the huntsman, is not a fault; it is a crime of the blackest dye. If commissioned to take charge of a lady in the hunting-field a manmust sacrifice his sporting instincts to a certain extent in order to see her safe over her fences, giving her a lead, or following her lead as circumstances may dictate. His desire to be in at the death may be as great as hers, but he must not indulge it at the expense of his politeness.
A man’s duty to his charge.
Very often his charge may beg of him to go on and leave her to her own devices.
His responsibility ends only with the hunt.
If he should perceive that she is really uncomfortable about keeping him back he may possibly yield to her persuasion, but in the case of any accident happening to her he would be certainly called to account by those who had placed her in his charge.
A common error.
One of the mistakes made by novices in the hunting-field is that of getting themselves up in “pink,” though they may not be a member of any hunt. This is more particularly the case when the packs are near town. Good West End tailors would never allow their clients to make such mistakes as these.
Advice to the novice.
They are the best authorities on all the minutiæ of country riding costume, and it is well for the customer to put himself unreservedly in the hands of the long-experienced in such matters. Of course this means high charges. Experience and skill are commercial commodities, just as much as fine cloth and silk linings,but if a man can afford to go a-hunting he ought to be able to afford the advice of a good tailor.
Assisting a lady to her mount.
In mounting a lady on horseback the gentleman takes her left foot in his right hand, and when she springs he helps her in this manner to reach the saddle, afterwards adjusting her left foot in the stirrup and arranging her habit for her.
“Keep to your left”
Thesame rule of the road applies to driving as to riding. In the crowded traffic of large towns and cities it would be difficult, if not impossible, to observe the good old rule of courtesy that prohibits the driver of any private carriage from overtaking and passing that of a friend or neighbour on the road. The members of the Four-in-Hand and Coaching Clubs still observe it, and seldom pass each other without an apologetic wave of the hand or raising of the hat.
Acknowledging salutes.
A gentleman driving a mail phaeton in the Park with a lady by his side must, of course, acknowledge all salutes by raising his hat, if he is sufficiently expert to admit of his doing so without risk. It is not every one who can emulate the Prince of Wales, who, when driving a coach, can take a cigar from his lips and raise his hat with the whip-hand, the reins, of course, being in the left. It is not unusual, nowadays, to see a man driven by a lady.
Handing a lady up to her coach seat.
In such a case he must be on the alert to afford her everyassistance in his power. In handing a lady up to her place on a coach some expertness is required, especially where the usual short ladder is not available, and she has to mount first on the wheel and then on to the coach itself.
Invitations to coach drives.
The box-seat of a coach to the left of the driver is considered the place of honour, and the lady invited to occupy it is very appreciative, as a rule, of this mark of attention. It is scarcely necessary to remark that a man must be as careful about the invitations for a drive on his four-in-hand as he would be in other circumstances. A lady would resent being asked to meet any one unsuitable in a drive, even though the latter may be relegated to a back seat.
A man may refuse a lady the coach reins.
Sometimes ladies are very anxious to take the reins and drive themselves, a circumstance which has often occasioned agonies of nervousness to other women on the coach. It is quite possible to refuse such a request in a polite and gentlemanly way, partly by seeming to ignore it or laughing it off. It is not a bad plan when some such request is supposed to be imminent to bind oneself beforehand by a promise to one of the timid ladies. This promise can be produced with great effect when occasion arises.
On dismounting, when calling for a lady.
A man usually dismounts when calling for a lady to take her for a ride,if she is to be mounted. Sometimes, however, this rule is remitted, as in the case of a restive and very fresh animal; the groom then assists the lady to mount. The driver of a four-in-hand very seldom dismounts in such circumstances, though, of course, there are exceptions to this as to almost all other rules.
On smoking when driving.
It used to be considered bad manners to smoke when driving with a lady. This is now quite antediluvian, so to speak. Permission must, of course, always be asked of the lady. It is scarcely ever refused, and it is almost an exceptional thing to see a man driving without a cigar between his teeth.
Should the lady driven meet some acquaintances unknown to her charioteer, and wish to stop and converse with them, he raises his hat and awaits her pleasure. She will probably introduce him, but if not he takes no part in the conversation. The only thing he can do is to remain passive, but unless the lady feels justified in introducing him it is an error of taste on her part to enter into conversation with her friends.
In which case the rule may be broken.
Some ladies have a great disinclination to mount a four-in-hand or mail phaeton until the driver is seated with the reins in his hand and in full command of the horses. There is nothing surprising in this, for, after all, the groom who stands at the head ofthe horses before the start has very little control over them, and one or two disagreeable accidents have occurred in this way, the horses taking fright and escaping from his grasp. Consequently it would be no breach of good manners for the gentleman driving to take his seat and thus reassure his nervous companion.
Chess and whist permanently popular.
A manwho can play a good game of chess, or even an excellent rubber of whist, must be aware that the acquirement involves an education in itself. Neither is ever likely to become unpopular among the best classes of society. Chess and whist clubs increase in number as time goes on; but for the purposes of everyday life less exigent games are found more useful.
One should be able to play the minor games.
Billiards, backgammon, poker, bézique, baccarat, écarté, draughts, vingt-et-un, and loo may be mentioned among the minor accomplishments with which the modern young man finds it convenient to be equipped. That a bad use has been made of some of these by converting them into media for gambling is not to be denied. At the same time there is no reason why those who play them in moderation should refrain from doing so because others abuse rather than use these means of recreation.
These things are innocent in themselves.
A round game affords a very innocent mode of spending an enjoyable evening, and country-house life especially is oftenenlivened in this way.
And often quite necessary.
Home life, whether in town or country, is apt to become monotonous, particularly for the young members of the family, if there is not occasionally an amusing game got up to pass away the evening hours, and anything that adds to the attractions of home must at least have one excellent recommendation.
A man’s breeding is shown in his play.
Apart from other considerations, the demeanour of a young man when playing cards affords a very good test of his manners. Some of them appear to think that the only fun to be had out of the game lies in cheating—very open and transparent cheating, to be sure—but still sufficient to spoil the amusement of others. A curious development of money greed is sometimes observable in players, who will show extreme exasperation at the loss of so simple a coin as a penny.
Irritability over games.
There are many fairly good-tempered men (and women) who evince extreme irritability over games of any kind. To play with such as these is very disagreeable, and the tendency to irascibility should be firmly checked by those who wish to be popular in society.
The host or hostess always takes the lead in these games, or else deputes some one else to do so. It is a signof ill-breeding when any outsider assumes the command of a game without having been asked to do so.
An outsider may not take the lead unsolicited.
Unfortunately, gambling games are very popular at some houses, and it is possible for a young man, being unaware of the fact, to be drawn in and lose more than he can afford before he can politely extricate himself.
Men and houses to be avoided.
In such circumstances the only thing he can do is religiously to avoid any such house in future. It is a matter of notoriety that there are men who make good incomes by fleecing the young and inexperienced whom they invite to their houses under the guise of friendship; but even when there is no deliberate dishonesty in question, as in these cases, the host or hostess, out of pure love of gambling, draws in the guests to play for high sums.
Things to be reckoned with.
Unpardonable, it is true, but such things have to be reckoned with, and avoided, if possible. The matter is not confined to London; country-house life has much to answer for under the same heading.
The rule of the road on the river.
Thereis a rule of the road for the river, and those who boat on the Thames on crowded days fervently wish that it were better understood. There does not appear to be any means of acquiring the necessary information. If such means exist they have never come under my notice, and, for at least one summer, I spent many hours daily in that agreeable form of exercise.
With the tide—the middle of the stream.
Boats coming down with the tide keep the middle of the river; those going against it hug the shore on either side, but in passing other boats coming in the same direction they must go out in a semicircle, leaving the front boat the shore. Tow-boats are always given this advantage.
Up-stream—either shore.
In meeting other boats coming downstream which really have no right to the shore, but are mistakenly kept near the margin by inexperienced steerers, the boat going up-stream should not go out, but keep towards the land.
The rights of anglers.
The rights of the numerous anglers should be respected; and it is not only courteous but politic to do so, as it is disagreeable to have the lines entangled in the boat.
Sailing-boats.
Row-boats give way to sailing-boats on the river, especially when the latter are tacking to use the breeze. As to steam-launches, their motto too often appears to be that “Might is right.” Occupants of small boats keep a sharp look-out for these.
Passing through locks.
In passing through the locks the usual politeness of refraining from shooting ahead of boats in front should be observed. Any active emulation of this kind is a very risky business in the same way when pulling a boat over the rollers. A man is bound to yield thepasto ladies or to any boat containing ladies. In fact, the courtesies of the river may be summed up as similar to those on land.
Invitation.
“Mrs. X. requests the pleasure of Mr. L.’s company at dinner on Thursday, the 16th of February, at eight o’clock.”
Acceptance.
“Mr. L. accepts with pleasure Mrs. X.’s kind invitation to dinner on Thursday, the 16th of February.”
Address of the hostess.
These are the preliminaries; the lady’s address being on the sheet of paper or card on which her invitation has been written.
The usual interval.
Three weeks’ notice is usual, but sometimes, in the season, when many parties are going on, invitations are sent out four, five, or six weeks beforehand, in order to secure the guests. In the case of “lions” even longer invitations have been given; but as one of the first principles of good breeding is never to “corner” anybody, it is scarcely fair to invite those who are in much request without giving them the option of refusal.
Unfairly long invitations.
An invitation of seven oreight weeks’ length scarcely allows one to plead a pre-engagement, and often defeats the eager hostess’s own end by inducing the “lion” to accept without any intention of being present, writing later on to “renage,” to use a good old whist term.
But as our young man is scarcely yet a “lion,” and probably not over-burdened with engagements for dinner or any other social function, we may imagine him accepting with a free mind.
Breaking the engagement.
Should anything intervene to prevent him carrying out his engagement, he is in duty bound to let his hostess know as early as possible that he cannot be present at her dinner-party. This is more especially and particularly necessary with dinners, though it holds good with regard to all invitations.
Peculiar obligation of the diner-out.
But with dinner there is a peculiar obligation laid upon the guests. The choice and arrangement of them involves care on the part of the dinner-giver, more so than in the case of any other meal. In fact, dinner stands alone as an institution sacred to the highest rites of hospitality. To be invited is an honour to the young man who is just beginning his social life. To absent himself would be a gross rudeness, unless he could plead circumstances of a pressing nature. It is considered a great infraction ofgood manners to wire on the very day of the party that one cannot dine as arranged, unless something has occurred to justify such conduct.