EVENING PARTIES.

"A breath can make them, or a breath unmake."In dancing, generally, the performers of both sexes should endeavor to wear a pleasant countenance; and in presenting hands, a slight inclination of the head, in the manner of a salutation, is appropriate and becoming. Dancing is certainly supposed to be an enjoyment, but the sombre countenance of some who engage in it, might almost lead to the belief that it were a solemn duty being performed. If those who laugh in church would transfer their merriment to the assembly-room, and those who are sad in the assembly-room would carry their gravity to the church, they both might discover the appositeness of Solomon's declaration, that "there is a time to be merry and a time to be sad."We have already alluded to the importance of a correct use of language in conversation, and though we are aware that it is absolutely impossible to practice it without a certain degree of education, yet we would urge that the habit which many acquire, more through carelessness than ignorance, of disregarding it, is worthy of consideration. Many a young lady has lost a future husband by a wanton contempt for the rules of Lindley Murray.Though hardly a case in point, we cannot forego the opportunity of recording an incident in the career of a young man "about town," who, anxious to see life in all its phases, was induced to attend a public ball, the patrons of which were characterized more for their peculiarity ofmanners than their extraordinary refinement. On being solicited by an acquaintance, whom he respected for his kindness of heart and integrity rather than for his mental accomplishments, to dance with his daughter, he consented, and was accordingly introduced to a very beautiful young lady. Ere the dance commenced, and while the musicians were performing the "Anvil Chorus," from "Trovatore," the young lady asked: "Do you know what that'ereis?"Supposing that she meantair, and wishing to give her an opportunity of making herself happy in the thought of imparting a valuable piece of information, in utter disregard of the principles of Mrs. Opie, he replied, "No." "Why," said she, "that's the Anvel Core-ri-ous."With an expletive more profane than polite, he suddenly found his admiration for the lady as much diminished by her ignorance, as it had before been exalted by her beauty.At private assemblies, it should be the effort of both ladies and gentlemen to render themselves as agreeable as possible to all parties. With this purpose in view, the latter should, therefore, avoid showing marked preferences to particular ladies, either by devoting their undivided attentions or dancing exclusively with them. Too often, the belle of the evening, with no other charms than beauty of form and feature, monopolizes the regards of a circle of admirers, while modest merit, of less personal attraction, is both overlooked and neglected. We honor the generous conduct of those, particularly the "well-favored," who bestow their attentions on ladies who, from conscious lack of beauty, least expect them.On the other hand, no lady, however numerous the solicitations of her admirers, should consent to dance repeatedly, when, by so doing, she excludes other ladies from participating in the same amusement; still less, as we haveelsewhere hinted, should she dance exclusively with the same gentleman, to the disadvantage of others.Both ladies and gentlemen should be careful about introducing persons to each other without being first satisfied that such a course will be mutually agreeable.The custom, in this country, particularly among gentlemen, of indiscriminate introductions, is carried to such a ridiculous extent, that it has often been made the subject of comment by foreigners, who can discover no possible advantage in being made acquainted with others with whom they are not likely to associate for three minutes, in whom they take not the slightest interest, and whom they probably will never again encounter, nor recognize if they should. Besides, every one has a right to exercise his own judgment and taste in the selection of acquaintances, and it is clearly a breach of politeness to thrust them upon your friend or associate, without knowing whether it will be agreeable to either party.EVENING PARTIES.Theetiquette of the ball-room being disposed of, let us now enter slightly into that of an evening party.The invitations issued and accepted for an evening party will be written in the same style as those already described for a dinner-party. They should be sent outat leastthree weeks before the day fixed for the event, and should be replied to within a week of their receipt, accepting or declining with regrets. By attending to these courtesies, the guests will have time to consider their engagements and prepare their dresses, and the hostess will also know what will be the number of her party.A lady, invited to an evening party, may request a gentleman to accompany her, even though he may not have received an invitation from the hostess.In most of the American cities nine o'clock is the hour which custom has established as the time for the lady to be in her parlor, ready to receive her guests, and by ten o'clock all the guests should arrive. It is an affectation, not entirely devoid of assumption and impudence, for people to purposely delay their appearance till a very late hour.As the ladies and gentlemen arrive, each should be shown to a room exclusively provided for their reception; and the gentleman conducts the lady in his charge to the door of the ladies' dressing-room, while he goes to the gentlemen's apartment, each to prepare their toilet suitably to entering the reception-room.In the room set apart for the ladies, attendants should be in waiting to assist in uncloaking, and helping to arrange the hair and toilet of those who require it.After completing her toilet, the lady waits at the door of her dressing-room till the gentleman joins her, and they make theirentréetogether.In large and formal parties, it is generally customary for the servant to announce the names of the guests as they enter the room, but this is a ceremony well enough dispensed with, except on occasions of very large and formal parties.It is the business of the lady of the house to be near the door to receive her guests; if she is not there, you need not go hunting through the crowd after her.As the guests enter the room, it is not necessary for the lady of the house to advance each time toward the door, but merely to rise from her seat to receive their courtesies and congratulations. If, indeed, the hostess wishes to show particular favor to some peculiarly honored guests, she may introduce them to others, whose acquaintance she may imagine will be especially suitable and agreeable.It is very often the practice of the gentleman of the house to introduce one gentleman to another, but occasionally the lady performs this office; when it will, of course, be polite for the persons thus introduced to take their seats together for the time being.When entering a private ball or party, the visitor should invariably bow to the company. No well-bred person would omit this courtesy in entering a drawing-room; and although the entrance to a large assembly may be unnoticedby all present, its observance is not the less necessary. It is the thoughtless absence of good manners in large and mixed companies, where a greater degree of studied politeness is indispensable, that renders them sometimes so unpleasant.A separate room or convenient buffet should be appropriated for refreshments, and to which the dancers may retire; and cakes and biscuits, with lemonade, handed round.Of course a supper is provided at all private parties; and this requires, on the part of the hostess, a great deal of attention and supervision. It usually takes place between the first and second parts of the programme of the dances, of which there should be several prettily written or printed copies distributed about the room.It will be well for the hostess, even if she be very partial to the amusement, and a graceful dancer, not to participate in it to any great extent, lest her lady guests should have occasion to complain of her monopoly of the gentlemen, and other causes of neglect.A few dances will suffice to show her interest in the entertainment, without unduly trenching on the attention due to her guests.The hostess or host, during the progress of a party, will courteously accost and chat with their friends, and take care that the ladies are furnished with seats, and that those who wish to dance are provided with partners. A gentle hint from the hostess, conveyed in a quiet ladylike manner, that certain ladies have remained unengaged during several dances, is sure not to be neglected by any gentleman. Thus will be studied the comfort and enjoyment of the guests, and no lady, in leaving the house, will be able to feel the chagrin and disappointment of not having beeninvited to "stand up" in a dance during the whole evening.For any of the members, either sons or daughters, of the family at whose house the party is given, to dance frequently or constantly, denotes decided ill-breeding. The ladies of the house should not occupy those places in a quadrille which others may wish to fill, and they should, moreover, be at leisure to attend to the rest of the company; and the gentlemen should be entertaining the married ladies and those who do not dance.In private parties, a lady is not to refuse the invitation of a gentleman to dance, unless she be previously engaged. The hostess must be supposed to have asked to her house only those persons whom she knows to be perfectly respectable and of unblemished character, as well as pretty equal in position; and thus, to decline the offer of any gentleman present, would be a tacit reflection on the gentleman or lady of the house.If one lady refuses you, do not ask another who is seated near her to dance the same set. Do not go immediately to another lady, but chat a few moments with the one whom you first invited, and then join a group or gentlemen friends for a few moments, before seeking another partner.In private parties, where dancing is the chief part of the evening's entertainment, it is not in conformity with the rules of etiquette for a young lady to dance with one gentleman repeatedly, to the exclusion of all others who may solicit her hand, even though the favored individual be her suitor. However complimentary to the lady, to be the recipient of a gentleman's undivided attentions, or however gratifying it may be for him to manifest his devotion to the lady of his choice, such a course is an exhibition of selfishness which ought not to be displayed in an assemblage of ladies and gentlemen who have congregated for mutual enjoyment.It is not consideredcomme il fautto ask a married lady to dance, when her husband is present, without previously ascertaining whether it be agreeable to him.Gentlemen will not get together in groups to the neglect of the ladies.The members of an invited family should never be seen conversing with each other at a party.If you accompany your wife to a dancing party, be careful not to dance with her, except perhaps the first set.Where there are no programmes, engagements should not be made until the dance is announced.When the dance is over, the gentleman conducts his partner to her seat; and, unless he chooses to sit beside her, bows and withdraws.While dancing, a lady should consider herself engaged to her partner, and therefore not at liberty to hold a flirtation, between the figures, with another gentleman; and should recollect that it is the gentleman's part to lead her, and hers to follow his directions.In a circle, we should not pass before a lady; neither should we present anything by extending the arm over her, but pass round behind and present it. In case we cannot do it, we say,I ask your pardon, etc.In ascending a staircase with ladies, go at their side or before them.A correct ear for music does not pertain to every one, and those who are deficient in this respect should refrain from dancing. Let not the unpracticed dancer attemptquadrilles. A novice necessarily perplexes and annoys a partner. On the other hand, nowhere perhaps has a kindly disposition more pleasing opportunities of conferring small benefits than in a ball-room. Those who are expert in dancing may gently apprise the unskillful of an error, and this without giving the slightest offense, or seeming to dictate; while such as dance well, and are solicited to dance, should carefully avoid speaking of it. They ought rather to seek to contribute to less fortunate persons a full share in the evening's amusement. A lady may do this by gently hinting to a gentleman who solicits her hand for another dance, that such a lady has remained unengaged. No gentleman will neglect such a suggestion.There is a custom which is sometimes practiced both in the assembly room and at private parties, which cannot be too strongly reprehended; we allude to the habit of ridicule and ungenerous criticism of those who are ungraceful or otherwise obnoxious to censure, which is indulged in by the thoughtless, particularly among the dancers. Of its gross impropriety and vulgarity we need hardly express an opinion; but there is such an utter disregard for the feelings of others implied in this kind of negative censorship, that we cannot forbear to warn our young readers to avoid it. The "Koran" says: "Do not mock—the mocked may be better than the mocker." Those you condemn may not have had the same advantages as yourself in acquiring grace or dignity, while they may be infinitely superior in purity of heart and mental accomplishments. The advice of Chesterfield to his son, in his commerce with society, todo as you would be done by, is founded on the Christian precept, and worthy of commendation. Imagine yourself the victim of another's ridicule, and you will cease to indulge in a pastime which only gains for you the hatred of those you satirize, if they chance to observe you, and the contempt of others who have noticed your violation of politeness, and abuse of true sociality.We conclude our strictures on this subject with the following passage from the essays of Addison: "But what an absurd thing it is, to pass over all the valuable characteristics of individuals, and fix our attention on their infirmities—to observe their imperfections more than their virtues—and to make use of them for the sport of others, rather than for our own improvement."In whatever relation with the fair sex, and under whatsoever circumstances, it is the duty—we may add, the practice—of a gentleman to so deport himself as to avoid giving any cause of offense.In private parties, where people meet for the pleasure of conversation, remember occasionally to change your place. Opportunities will readily occur, such, for instance, as the opening of a portfolio of prints, or the showing of any article of taste or science. You will thus avoid the awkwardness of being either left alone, or constraining the master or mistress of the house to commiserate your isolated condition.If you are asked by the lady of the house, at an evening party, to sing, and you can really do so well, comply at once; but never sing at the request of another person. If you cannot or do not choose to sing, say so at once with seriousness and gravity, and put an end to the expectation promptly. After singing once or twice, cease and give place to others.When singing or playing is going on, if you have no taste for music, you should still be profoundly silent. To converse, is annoying to the rest of the company, rude to the mistress of the house, and cruel to the performer.Carefully avoid all peculiarities of manner; and every wish to show off, or to absorb conversation to yourself. Be also very careful not to appear to be wiser than the company. If a fact in history is mentioned, even if it be not quite correct, do not set the narrator right, unless in a very delicate and submissive manner. If an engraving of distant scenery or foreign buildings is shown, do not industriously point out inaccuracies. It may be that such occur, but finding fault is never acceptable; it conveys a censure on the taste or information of the possessor; or it suggests that he has been imposed upon—an idea which is always productive of mortification. Such attempts to appear wiser than the rest of the company, interfere with the pleasure of the party, and the person who falls into them is never long acceptable.People sometimes say, that they are not invited to parties; they complain of neglect, and are out of humor with the world. Let such persons consider whether they have not brought upon themselves the neglect which they deplore.Should the guests be numerous, and the space scarcely sufficient for their accommodation, it would be considered extremely ill-bred to take a place previously engaged; or, when joining a country dance, to push in at the middle or upper end. You must take your station below the last couple who are standing up.If there be a supper, the gentleman should conduct to the supper-room his last partner, unless he have a prior engagement, or is asked by the host to do otherwise. In the latter case, he should provide his partner with a substitute, at the same time making a handsome apology.No gentleman should offer his services to conduct a lady home, without being acquainted with her, unless he have been requested so to do by the host.When any of the carriages of the guests are announced, or the time for their departure arrived, they should makea slight intimation to the hostess, without, however, exciting any observation, that they are about to depart. If this cannot be done without creating too much bustle, it will be better for the visitors to retire quietly without saying good-night, for when people are seen to be leaving, it often breaks up the party. An opportunity, however, may previously be sought of intimating to the hostess your intention to retire, which is more respectful.During the course of the week, the hostess will expect to receive from every guest a call, where it is possible, or cards expressing the gratification experienced from her entertainment. This attention is due to every lady for the pains and trouble she has been at, and tends to promote social, kindly feelings.VISITING.Nextin order to the ceremonials of dinner or evening parties, are customary calls, comprised under the general head of visiting. They are those of ceremony, friendship, or condolence, and occupy no small portion of time.Such visits are necessary, in order to maintain good feeling between the members of society; they are required by the custom of the age in which we live, and must be carefully attended to.First, then, are visits of ceremony, merging occasionally into those of friendship, but uniformly required after dining at a friend's house. Professional men are not however, in general, expected to pay such visits, because their time is preoccupied; but they form almost the only exception.Visits of ceremony must be necessarily short. They should on no account be made before the hour, nor yet during the time of luncheon. Persons who intrude themselves at unwonted hours are never welcome; the lady of the house does not like to be disturbed when she is perhaps dining with her children; and the servants justly complain of being interrupted at the hour when they assemble for their noon-day meal. Ascertain, therefore, which you can readily do, what is the family hour for luncheon, and act accordingly.Half an hour amply suffices for a visit of ceremony. If the visitor be a lady, she may remove her victorine, but on no account either the shawl or bonnet, even if politelyrequested to do so by the mistress of the house. Some trouble is necessarily required in replacing them, and this ought to be avoided. If, however, your visit of ceremony is to a particular friend, the case is different; but even then, it is best to wait till you are invited to do so; and when you rise for the purpose the lady of the house will assist you.Favorite dogs are never welcome visitors in a drawing-room. Many people have even a dislike to such animals. They require watching, lest they should leap upon a chair or sofa, or place themselves upon a lady's dress, and attentions of this kind are much out of place. Neither ought a mother, when paying a ceremonial visit, to be accompanied by young children. It is frequently difficult to amuse them, and, if not particularly well trained at home, they naturally seize hold of books, or those ornaments with which it is fashionable to decorate a drawing-room. The lady of the house trembles for the fate of a beautiful shell, or vase, or costly book. She does not like to express her uneasiness, and yet knows not how to refrain. Therefore leave the children at home; or, if they accompany you in the carriage, let them remain till your visit is over. If you have an infant, the nurse may await your return, or be left in an ante-room, unless a decided request be made to the contrary.If during your short visit the conversation begins to flag, it will be best to retire. The lady of the house may have some engagement at a fixed hour, and by remaining even a few minutes longer, she may be put to serious inconvenience. Do not, however, seem to notice any silent hint, by rising hastily; but take leave with quiet politeness, as if your time were fully expired. When other visitors are announced, retire as soon as possible, and yet without letting it appear that their arrival is the cause. Wait till the bustle of their entrance is over, and then rise from yourchair, take leave of the hostess, and bow politely to the guests. By so doing you will save the lady of the house from being obliged to entertain two sets of visitors.Should you call by chance at an inconvenient hour, when perhaps the lady is going out, or sitting down to luncheon, retire as soon as possible, even if politely asked to remain. You need not let it appear that you feel yourself an intruder; every well-bred or even good-tempered person knows what to say on such an occasion; but politely withdraw, with a promise to call again, if the lady seems to be really disappointed.If your acquaintance or friend is from home, leave a card,1whether you call in a carriage or not. If in the latter, the servant will answer your inquiry, and receive your card; but on no account ask leave to go in and rest; neither urge your wish if you fancy that the lady whom you desire to see is really at home, or even if you flatter yourself that she would make an exception in your favor. Some people think that the form of words, "Not at home," is readily understood to mean that the master or mistress of the house have no wish to see even his or her most intimate friends. However this may be, take care that you do not attempt to effect an entrance.1When the caller is about to leave the city for a protracted absence, it is usual to put the letters P. P. C. in the left hand corner of the card; they are the initials of the French phrase, "pour prendre congé"—to take leave, and may with equal propriety stand forpresents parting compliments.Visits of courtesy or ceremony are uniformly paid at Christmas, or at the commencement of a new year, independently of family parties; a good old custom, the observance of which is always pleasing, and which should be carefully attended to. It is uniformly right to call on patrons, or those from whom kindness has been received.In visiting your intimate friends, ceremony may generally be dispensed with.Keep a strict account of your ceremonial visits. This is needful, because time passes rapidly; and take note how soon your calls are returned. You will thus be able, in most cases, to form an opinion whether or not your frequent visits are desired. Instances may however occur, when, in consequence of age or ill health, it is desirable that you should call, without any reference to your visits being returned. When desirous to act thus, remember that, if possible, nothing should interrupt the discharge of this duty.Among relations and intimate friends, visits of mere ceremony are unnecessary. It is, however, needful to call at suitable times, and to avoid staying too long if your friend is engaged. The courtesies of society, as already noticed, must ever be maintained, even in the domestic circle, or among the nearest friends.In leaving cards you must thus distribute them: one for the lady of the house and her daughters—the latter are sometimes represented by turning up the edge of the card—one for the master of the house, and if there be a grown up son or a near male relation staying in the house, one for him. But though cards are cheap, you must never leave more than three at a time at the same house. As married men have, or are supposed to have, too much to do to make ceremonial calls, it is the custom for a wife to take her husband's cards with her and to leave one or two of them with her own. If, on your inquiring for the lady of the house, the servant replies, "Mrs. So-and-so is not at home, but Miss So-and-so is," you should leave a card, because young ladies do not receive calls from gentlemen unless they are very intimate with them, or have passed the rubicon of thirty summers. It must be remembered, too, that where there is a lady of the house,your call is to her, not to her husband, except on business.Morning calls may be divided into three heads: Those paid at the time already specified; weekly visits to intimate friends, or by young persons to those advanced in life; and monthly visits, which are generally ceremonious.With respect to the first, be very careful that you do not acquire the character of aday goblin. A day goblin is one of those persons who, having plenty of leisure, and a great desire to hear themselves talk, make frequent inroads into their friends' houses. Though perhaps well acquainted with the rules of etiquette, they call at the most unseasonable hours. If the habits of the family are early, you will find them in the drawing-room at eleven o'clock. It may be they are agreeable and well-informed people; but who wishes for calls at such a strange hour! Most families have their rules and occupations. In one, the lady of the house attends to the education of her children; in another, domestic affairs engross a portion of the morning; some ladies are fond of gardening, others of music or painting. It is past endurance to have such pursuits broken in upon for the sake of a day goblin, who, having gained access, inflicts his or her presence till nearly luncheon time, and then goes off with saying, "Well, I have paid you a long visit;" or "I hope that I have not stayed too long."A well-bred person always receives visitors at whatever time they may call, or whoever they may be; but if you are occupied and cannot afford to be interrupted by a mere ceremony, you should instruct the servantbeforehandto say that you are "not at home." This form has often been denounced as a falsehood, but a lie is no lie unless intended to deceive; and since the words are universally understood to mean that you are engaged, it can be no harm to give such an order to a servant. But, on the other hand,if the servant once admits a visitor within the hall, you should receive him at any inconvenience to yourself. A lady should never keep a visitor waiting more than a minute, or two at the most, and if she cannot avoid doing so, must apologize on entering the drawing-room.In good society, a visitor, unless he is a complete stranger, does not wait to be invited to sit down, but takes a seat at once easily. A gentleman should never take the principal place in the room, nor, on the other hand, sit at an inconvenient distance from the lady of the house. He must hold his hat gracefully, not put it on a chair or table, or, if he wants to use both hands, must place it on the floor close to his chair. A well-bred lady, who is receiving two or three visitors at a time, pays equal attention to all, and attempts, as much as possible, to generalize the conversation, turning to all in succession. The last arrival, however, receives a little more attention at first than the others, and the latter, to spare her embarrasment, should leave as soon as convenient. People who out-sit two or three parties of visitors, unless they have some particular motive for doing so, come under the denomination of "bores." A "bore" is a person who does not know when you have had enough of his or her company.Be cautious how you take an intimate frienduninvitedeven to the house of those with whom you may be equally intimate, as there is always a feeling of jealousy that another should share your thoughts and feelings to the same extent as themselves, although good breeding will induce them to behavecivillyto your friend on your account.Ladies in the present day are allowed considerable license in paying and receiving visits; subject, however, to certain rules, which it is needful to define.Young married ladies may visit their acquaintances alone; but they may not appear in any public places unattendedby their husbands or elder ladies. This rule must never be infringed, whether as regards exhibitions, or public libraries, museums, or promenades; but a young married lady is at liberty to walk with her friends of the same age, whether married or single. Gentlemen are permitted to call on married ladies at their own houses. Such calls the usages of society permit, but never without the knowledge and full permission of husbands.Ladies may walk unattended in the streets, being careful to pass on as becomes their station—neither with a hurried pace, nor yet affecting to move slowly. Shop-windows, in New York especially, afford great attractions; but it is by no means desirable to be seen standing before them, and most assuredly not alone. Be careful never to look back, nor to observe too narrowly the dresses of such ladies as may pass you. Should any one venture to address you, take no heed, seem not to hear, but hasten your steps. Be careful to reach home in good time. Let nothing ever induce you to be out after dusk, or when the lamps are lighted. Nothing but unavoidable necessity can sanction such acts of impropriety.Lastly, a lady never calls on a gentleman, unless professionally or officially. It is not only ill-bred, but positively improper to do so. At the same time, there is a certain privilege in age, which makes it possible for an old bachelor like myself to receive a visit from any married lady whom I know very intimately, but such a call would certainly not be one of ceremony, and always presupposes a desire to consult me on some point or other. I should be guilty of shameful treachery, however, if I told any one that I had received such a visit, while I should certainly expect that my fair caller would let her husband know of it.When morning visitors are announced, rise and advance toward them. If a lady enters, request her to be seated on a sofa; but if advanced in life, or the visitor be an elderly gentleman, insist on their accepting an easy chair, and place yourself, by them. If several ladies arrive at the same time, pay due respect to age and rank, and seat them in the most honorable places; these, in winter, are beside the fire.Supposing that a young lady occupies such a seat, and a lady older than herself, or superior in condition, enters the room, she must rise immediately, and having courteously offered her place to the new comer, take another in a different part of the room.If a lady is engaged with her needle when a visitor arrives, she ought to discontinue her work, unless requested to do otherwise: and not even then must it be resumed, unless on very intimate terms with her acquaintance. When this, however, is the case, the hostess may herself request permission to do so. To continue working during a visit of ceremony would be extremely discourteous; and we cannot avoid hinting to our lady readers, that even when a particular friend is present for only a short time, it is somewhat inconsistent with etiquette to keep their eyes fixed on a crochet or knitting-book, apparently engaged in counting stitches, or unfolding the intricacies of a pattern. We have seen this done, and are, therefore, careful to warn them on the subject. There are many kinds of light and elegant, and even useful work, which do not require close attention, and may be profitably pursued; and such we recommend to be always on the work-table at those hours which, according to established practice, are given to social intercourse.It is generally customary in the country to offer refreshment to morning visitors. If they come from a considerable distance, and are on intimate terms, hospitality requires that you should invite them to take luncheon. In town it is otherwise, and you are not expected to render anycourtesy of the kind, except to aged or feeble persons, or to some one who, perhaps, is in affliction, and to whom the utmost kindliness should be shown.When your visitor is about to take leave, rise, and accompany her to the door, mindful, at the same time, that the bell is rung, in order that a servant may be in attendance. If the master of the house is present, and a lady is just going away, he must offer her his arm, and lead her to the hall or passage door. If her carriage be in waiting, he will, of course, hand her into it. These attentions are slight, and some persons may think they are scarcely worth noticing. Nevertheless, they are important, and we are the more earnest to press them on the attention of our readers, because we have witnessed the omission of such acts of courtesy in families where a very different mode of conduct might be expected.And here, turning aside for a brief space from the subject-matter of our discourse, we desire earnestly to impress upon mothers who have sons growing up, the great importance of early imbuing them with the principles of true politeness, and consequent attention to its most trifling observances. What matters it if a tall lad pushes into a room before one of his mother's visitors; or, if he chance to see her going into church, instead of holding the door in a gentlemanly manner, he lets it swing in her face when he has himself entered; or whether he comes into the drawing-room with his hat on, unobservant of lady visitors, or lolls in an arm-chair reading the newspaper?"What signifies it?" some will say—"why tease a youth about such matters? He will learn manners as he grows up." We think otherwise, and do not scruple to affirm, that he can never learn real gentlemanly politeness from any one but his mother. The neglect of small courtesies in early life, and the outward or mental boorishness towhich it leads, has been, to our certain knowledge, a more fruitful source of wretchedness in many homes, than we have either time or inclination to relate.In this changing world, visits of condolence must be also occasionally paid; and concerning such, a few necessary rules may be briefly stated.Visits of condolence should be paid within a week after the event which occasions them; but if the acquaintance be slight, immediately after the family appear at public worship. A card should be sent up; and if your friends are able to receive you, let your manners and conversation be in harmony with the character of your visit. It is courteous to send up a mourning card; and for ladies to make their calls in black silk or plain-colored apparel. It denotes that they sympathize with the afflictions of the family; and such attentions are always pleasing.Gentlemen will do well to bear in mind that, when they pay morning calls, they must carry their hats with them into the drawing-room; but on no account put them on the chairs or table. There is a graceful manner of holding a hat, which every well-bred man understands.When calling upon a friend who is boarding, do not go up till the servant returns with an invitation; and never enter a room without previously knocking at the door, and receiving an invitation to come in. Such observances are indispensable, even between the nearest friends.A gentleman when calling upon a lady, and finding that one of her lady friends is with her, must rise when the visitor takes her leave, and accompany her to the hall door; or if she has a carriage, he should hand her into it—supposing, however, that no gentleman related to the mistress of the house be present. If your visit has been of sufficientlength, you can take your leave when accompanying the lady out of the room.It happens occasionally that two persons are visiting different members of the same family. When this occurs, and one visitor takes leave, the lady or gentleman whose visitor has just left should remain in the drawing-room. It is considered discourteous to do otherwise.In most families in this country, evening calls are the most usual. Should you chance to visit a family, and find that they have a party, present yourself, and converse for a few minutes with an unembarrassed air; after which you may retire, unless urged to remain. A slight invitation, given for the sake of courtesy, ought not to be accepted. Make no apology for your unintentional intrusion; but let it be known, in the course of a few days, that you were not aware that your friends had company.An excellent custom prevails in some families of inviting their guests for a given period. Thus, for example, an invitation is sent, stating that a friend's company is requested on a certain day, mentioning also for what length of time, and if a carriage cannot be offered to meet the visitor, stating expressly the best mode of coming and going. We recommend this admirable plan to the master and mistress of every dwelling which is sufficiently capacious to admit of receiving an occasional guest. A young lady is perhaps invited to spend a little time in the country, but she cannot possibly understand whether the invitation extends to a few days, or a week, or a month, and consequently is much puzzled with regard to the arrangement of her wardrobe. Domestic consultations are held; the letter is read over and over again; every one gives a different opinion, and when the visit is entered upon, somewhat of its pleasure is marred through the embarrassment occasioned by not knowing when to propose taking leave.In receiving guests, your first object should be to make them feel at home. Begging them to make themselves at home is not sufficient. You should display a genuine unaffected friendliness. Whether you are mistress of a mansion or a cottage, and invite a friend to share your hospitality, you must endeavor, by every possible means, to render the visit agreeable. This should be done without apparent effort, that the visitor may feel herself to be a partaker in your home enjoyments, instead of finding that you put yourself out of the way to procure extraneous pleasures. It is right and proper that you seek to make the time pass lightly; but if, on the other hand, you let a visitor perceive that the whole tenor of your daily concerns is altered on her account, a degree of depression will be felt, and the pleasant anticipations which she most probably entertained will fail to be realized. Let your friend be assured, from your manner, that her presence is a real enjoyment to you—an incentive to recreations which otherwise would not be thought of in the common routine of life. Observe your own feelings when you happen to be the guest of a person who, though he may be very much your friend, and really glad to see you, seems not to know what to do either with you or himself; and again, when in the house of another you feel as much at ease as in your own. Mark the difference, more easily felt than described, between the manners of the two, and deduce therefrom a lesson for your own improvement.If you have guests in your house, you are to appear to feel that they are all equal for the time, for they all have an equal claim upon your courtesies. Those of the humblest condition will receivefull as much attentionas the rest, in order that you shall not painfully make them feel their inferiority.Always avoid the foolish practice of deprecating your own rooms, furniture, or viands, and expressing regretsthat you have nothing better to offer. Neither should you go to the other extreme of extolling any particular thing or article of food. The best way is to say nothing about these matters. Neither is it proper to urge guests to eat, or to load their plates against their inclinations.Endeavor to retain your friends as long as they like to prolong their visit. When they intimate an intention to leave you, if you really desire their continuance somewhat longer, frankly say so. Should they, however, have fixed the time, and cannot prolong their stay, facilitate their going by every means in your power; and, while you kindly invite them to renew their visit, point out to them any places of interest on the road, and furnish such information as you possess.If invited to spend a few days at a friend's house, conform as much as possible to the habits of the family. When parting for the night, inquire respecting the breakfast hour, and ascertain at what time the family meet for prayers. If this right custom prevails, be sure to be in time; and obtain any necessary information from the servant who waits upon you. Give as little trouble as possible; and never think of apologizing for the extra trouble which your visit occasions. Such an apology implies that your friend cannot conveniently entertain you. Your own good sense and delicacy will teach you the desirability of keeping your room tidy, and your articles of dress and toilet as much in order as possible. If there is a deficiency of servants, a lady will certainly not hesitate to make her own bed and to do for herself as much as possible, and for the family all that is in her power.We presume that few people will leave a friend's house without some expression of regret, and some acknowledgment proffered for the pleasure that has been afforded them. Instances to the contrary have come within our knowledge,and therefore we remind our youthful readers especially, that this small act of politeness is indispensable, not in the form of a set speech, but by a natural flowing forth of right feeling. It is also proper, on returning home, to inform your friends of your safe arrival; the sense which you entertain of their hospitality, and the gratification derived from your visit, may be also gracefully alluded to.The chain which binds society together is formed of innumerable links. Let it be your part to keep those links uniformly bright; and to see that neither dust nor rust accumulate upon them.STREET ETIQUETTE.Thebooks of etiquette tell you, that if you have been introduced to a lady and you afterward meet her in the street, you must not bow to her unless she bow first, in order, as the books say, that she may have an opportunity to cut you if she does not wish to continue the acquaintance. This is the English fashion. But on the continent of Europe the rule is reversed, and no lady, however intimate you may be with her, will acknowledge you in the street unless you first honor her with a bow of recognition. But the American fashion is not like either of them. For here the really well-bred man always politely and respectfully bows to every lady he knows, and, if she is a well-bred woman, she acknowledges the respect paid her. If she expects no further acquaintance, her bow is a mere formal, butalways respectful, recognition of the good manners which have been shown her, and no gentleman ever takes advantage of such politeness to push a further acquaintance uninvited. But why should a lady and gentleman, who know who each other are, scornfully and doggedly pass each other in the streets as though they were enemies? There is no good reason for suchimpoliteness, in the practice of politeness. As compared with the English, the French or continental fashion is certainly more consonant with the rules of good breeding. But the American rule is better than either, for it is based upon the acknowledged general principle, that it is every gentleman's and lady's duty to be polite in all places. Unless parties have done something to forfeit the respect dictated by the common rules of politeness, there should be no deviation from this practice. It is a ridiculous idea that we are to practice ill-manners in the name of etiquette.While walking the street no one should be so absent-minded as to neglect to recognize his friends. If you do not stop, you should always bow, touch your hat, or bid your friend good day. If you stop, you can offer your hand without removing your glove. If you stop to talk, retire on one side of the walk. If your friend has a stranger with him and you have anything to say, you should apologize to the stranger. Never leave your friend abruptly to see another person without asking him to excuse your departure. If you meet a gentleman of your acquaintance walking with a lady whom you do not know, lift your hat as you salute them. If you know the lady, you should salute her first.Nevernodto a lady in the street, neither be satisfied with touching your hat,but take it off—it is a courtesy her sex demands.A gentleman should never omit a punctilious observance of the rules of politeness to his recognized acquaintances, from an apprehension that he will not be met with reciprocal marks of respect. For instance, he should not refuse to raise his hat to an acquaintance who is accompanied by a lady, lest her escort should, from ignorance or stolidity, return his polite salutation with a nod of the head. It is better not to see him, than to set the example of a rude and indecorous salutation. In all such cases, and in all cases, he who is most courteous has the advantage, and should never feel that he has made a humiliating sacrifice of his personal dignity. It is for the party whose behavior has been boorish to have a consciousness of inferiority.A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street, should not presume to join her in her walk without ascertaining that his company would be entirely agreeable. It might be otherwise, and she should frankly say so. A married lady usually leans upon the arm of her husband; but single ladies do not, in the day, take the arm of a gentleman, unless they are willing to acknowledge an engagement. Gentlemen always give place to ladies, and gentlemen accompanying ladies, in crossing the street.If you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to meet in the street, however intimate you may be, do not stop her, but turn round and walk in company; you can take leave at the end of the street.When you are passing in the street, and see coming toward you a person of your acquaintance, whether a lady or an elderly person, you should offer them the wall, that is to say, the side next the houses. If a carriage should happen to stop in such a manner as to leave only a narrow passage between it and the houses, beware of elbowing and rudely crowding the passengers, with a view to get by more expeditiously; wait your turn, and if any of the persons before mentioned come up, you should edge up to the wall, in order to give them the place. They also, as they pass, should bow politely to you.If stormy weather has made it necessary to lay a plank across the gutter, which has become suddenly filled with water, it is not proper to crowd before another, in order to pass over the frail bridge.In walking with a lady, it is customary to give her the right arm; but where circumstances render it more convenient to give her the left, it may properly be done. If you are walking with a lady on a crowded street like Broadway, by all means give her the outside, as that willprevent her from being perpetually jostled and run against by the hurrying crowd.You should offer your arm to a lady with whom you are walking whenever her safety, comfort, or convenience may seem to require such attention on your part. At night your arm should always be tendered, and also when ascending the steps of a public building. In walking with any person you should keep step with military precision, and with ladies and elderly people you should always accommodate your speed to theirs.If a lady with whom you are walking receives the salute of a person who is a stranger to you, you should return it, not for yourself, but for her.When a lady whom you accompany wishes to enter a store, you should hold the door open and allow her to enter first, if practicable; for you must never pass before a lady anywhere, if you can avoid it, or without an apology.In England, it is a mark of low breeding to smoke in the streets. But in America the rule does not hold to quite that extent; though, even here, it is not often that you catch "a gentleman of the strictest sect," in the street with a cigar or pipe in his mouth. For a man to go into the street with a lady on his arm and a cigar in his mouth is a shocking sight, which no gentleman will ever be guilty of exhibiting; for he inevitably subjects the woman to the very worst of suspicions.Avoid the disgusting habit of spitting.No gentleman will stand in the doors of hotels, nor on the corners of the streets, gazing impertinently at the ladies as they pass. That is such an unmistakable sign of a loafer, that one can hardly imagine a well-bred man doing such a thing.Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on dark gloves, as you may soil her white ones. If you meet a lady friend with whom you wish to converse, you must not stop, but turn and walk along with her; and should she be walking with a gentleman, first assure yourself that you are not intruding before you attempt to join the two in their walk.After twilight, a young lady would not be conducting herself in a becoming manner, by walking alone; and if she passes the evening with any one, she ought, beforehand, to provide some one to come for her at a stated hour; but if this is not practicable, she should politely ask of the person whom she is visiting, to permit a servant to accompany her. But, however much this may be considered proper, and consequently an obligation, a married lady, well educated, will disregard it if circumstances prevent her being able, without trouble, to find a conductor.If the host wishes to accompany you himself, you must excuse yourself politely for giving him so much trouble, but finish, however, by accepting. On arriving at your house, you should offer him your thanks. In order to avoid these two inconveniences, it will be well to request your husband, or some one of your relatives, to come and wait upon you; you will, in this way, avoid all inconveniences, and be entirely free from that harsh criticism which is sometimes indulged in, especially in small towns, concerning even the most innocent acts.If, when on your way to fulfill an engagement, a friend stops you in the street, you may, without committing any breach of etiquette, tell him of your appointment, and release yourself from a long talk, but do so in a courteous manner, expressing regret for the necessity.In inquiring for goods at a shop or store, do not say, I want so and so, but say to the shopman—Show me such orsuch an article, if you please—or use some other polite form of address. If you are obliged to examine a number of articles before you are suited, apologize to the shopkeeper for the trouble you give him. If, after all, you cannot suit yourself, renew your apologies when you go away. If you make only small purchases, say to him—I am sorry for having troubled you for so trifling a thing.You need not stop to pull off your glove to shake hands with a lady or gentleman. If it is warm weather it is more agreeable to both parties that the glove should be on—especially if it is a lady with whom you shake hands, as the perspiration of your bare hand would be very likely to soil her glove.If a lady addresses an inquiry to a gentleman on the street, he will lift his hat, or at least touch it respectfully, as he replies. If he cannot give the information required, he will express his regrets.When tripping over the pavement, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle. With her right hand she should hold together the folds of her gown and draw them toward the right side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can be tolerated only for a moment when the mud is very deep.Most American ladies in our cities wear too rich and expensive dresses in the street. Some, indeed, will sweep the side-walks with costly stuffs only fit for a drawing-room or a carriage. This is in bad taste, and is what ill-natured people would term snobbish.TRAVELING.Asa general rule, travelers are selfish. They pay little attention either to the comforts or distresses of their fellow-travelers; and the commonest observances of politeness are often sadly neglected by them. In the scramble for tickets, for seats, for state-rooms, or for places at a public table, the courtesies of life seem to be trampled under foot. Even the ladies are sometimes rudely treated and shamefully neglected in the headlong rush for desirable seats in the railway cars. To see the behavior of American people on their travels, one would suppose that we were anything but a refined nation; and I have often wondered whether a majority of our travelers could really make a decent appearance in social society.When you are traveling, it is no excuse that because others outrage decency and propriety you should follow their example, and fight them with their own weapons. A rush and scramble at the railway ticket office is always unnecessary. The cars will not leave until every passenger is aboard, and if you have ladies with you, you can easily secure your seats and afterward procure the tickets at leisure. But suppose you do lose a favorite seat by your moderation! Is it not better to suffer a little inconvenience than to show yourself decidedly vulgar? Go to the cars half an hour before they start, and you will avoid all trouble of this kind.When seated, or about to seat yourself in the cars, never allow considerations of personal comfort or convenienceto cause you to disregard the rights of fellow-travelers, or forget the respectful courtesy due to woman. The pleasantest or most comfortable seats belong to the ladies, and you should never refuse to resign such seats to them with a cheerful politeness. Sometimes a gentleman will go through a car and choose his seat, and afterward vacate it to procure his ticket, leaving his overcoat or carpet bag to show that the seat is taken. Always respect this token, and never seize upon a seat thus secured, without leave, even though you may want it for a lady. It is not always necessary for a gentleman to rise after he has seated himself and offer his seat to a lady, particularly if the lady is accompanied by another gentleman; for there may still be eligible vacant seats in the cars. But should you see a lady come alone, and if the seats in the car all appear to be filled, do not hesitate to offer her yours, if you have no ladies in your company. And should a lady motion to seat herself beside you, rise at once and offer her the choice of the two seats. These are but common courtesies that every well-bred man will at all times cheerfully offer to the other sex.Making acquaintances in the cars, although correct enough, is a measure of which travelers generally appear to be very shy. There is no reason for this, as acquaintances thus picked up need never be recognized again unless you please. If a stranger speaks to you, always answer him politely, and if his conversation proves disagreeable, you have no alternative but to change your seat.In steamers do not make a rush for the supper table, or make a glutton of yourself when you get there. Never fail to offer your seat on deck to a lady, if the seats all appear to be occupied, and always meet half way any fellow-passenger who wishes to enter into conversation with you. Some travelers are so exclusive that they consider it a presumption on the part of a stranger to address them;but such people are generally foolish, and of no account. Sociable intercourse while traveling is one of its main attractions. Who would care about sitting and moping for a dozen of hours on board a steamer without exchanging a word with anybody? and this must be the fate of the exclusives when they travel alone. Even ladies, who run greater risks in forming steamboat acquaintances than the men, are allowed the greatest privileges in that respect. It might not be exactly correct for a lady to make a speaking acquaintance of a gentleman; but she may address or question him for the time being without impropriety.Fellow-passengers, whether on a steamboat or in the cars, should at all times be sociable and obliging to one another. Those who are the reverse of this may be set down either as selfish, foolish, or conceited.In the cars you have no right to keep a window open for your accommodation, if the current of air thus produced annoys or endangers the health of another. There are a sufficient number of discomforts in traveling, at best, and it should be the aim of each passenger to lessen them as much as possible, and to cheerfully bear his own part. Life is a journey, and we are all fellow-travelers.If in riding in an omnibus, or crossing a ferry with a friend, he wishes to pay for you, never insist upon paying for yourself or for both. If he is before you, let the matter pass without remark.MARRIAGE.Inspeaking of marriage, it is not merely with reference to its social importance, but as regards certain observances, concerning which no work on Etiquette has yet given any explicit rules.First, then, with respect to the preliminary subject of courtship. That unseen monitor, who has already suggested many points for consideration to lady readers, would now say to them: Before you admit the attentions of a gentleman who wishes to pay you his addresses, very carefully examine your respective tastes and dispositions; and settle in your own mind what are the most important requisites of happiness in a married state. With this view, you must enter upon the consideration of the subject with a calm and decisive spirit, which will enable you to see where your true happiness lies, and to pursue it with determined resolution. In matters of business, follow the advice of such as are able to guide you; and as regards the subject of marriage, turn not away from the counsel of those who are appointed to watch over and direct you.If a gentleman gives you reason to believe that he wishes to engage your affections, seek the advice of your parents, that they may gain for you every necessary particular with regard to his morals and disposition, and means of suitably providing for you. If, unhappily, death has deprived you of parents, ask counsel of some one who will care for you, and on whose friendship you can rely. Remember that you have little knowledge of the world, and that yourjudgment has not arrived at full maturity. But however circumstanced, avoid, as you would the plague, any attentions from a gentleman whose moral character renders him undeserving your regard.Let neither rank nor fortune, nor the finest order of intellect, nor yet the most winning manners, induce you to accept the addresses of an irreligious man. You dare not ask the blessing of your Heavenly Father upon such addresses; and without His blessing, what happiness can you expect? Men often say, "that whatever their own opinions may be, they will marry religious women." This may be; but woe to a religious woman, if she allows herself to be thus beguiled! Supposing your admirer be a sensible man, he will like religion in you for his own sake; if, on the contrary, such is not the case, and you become his wife, he will often, though perhaps without intention, distress you by his remarks; and in either case, if you have children, you will suffer much in seeing that your endeavors to form their minds to virtue and piety, and to secure their present and eternal happiness, are regarded with indifference, or at least that you are not assisted in your efforts.Remember, also, that no happiness can be expected in the marriage state, unless the husband be worthy of respect. Do not marry a weak man; he is often intractable or capricious, and seldom listens to the voice of reason; and most painful must it be to any sensible woman to have to blush for her husband, and feel uneasy every time he opens his lips. Still worse, if it should please God to give her children, if she cannot point to the example of their father as leading to what is excellent and of good report; nor yet to his precepts and instructions as their rule of conduct. One thing is certain, that a weak man uniformly shows his consequence by contradicting his wife, because he will not have it supposed that he is under her influence.Advances, or offers of marriage, are made in a thousand different ways; but, however tendered, receive them courteously, and with dignity. If a letter comes to you, answer it as becomes a gentlewoman—your own heart will dictate what you ought to say. Questions have arisen with regard to the wording of such letters, but no certain rule can be laid down; whether it be answered in the first or third person, must depend upon the degree of acquaintance which has previously existed. No young lady would certainly head her letter with—"Dear Sir," to a suitor whom she scarcely knows, or to one whom she intends refusing. She ought, however, on no account, either to receive or answer letters of the kind without showing them to her mother; or, if unfortunately without parents, she will do well to consult some judicious female friend.Never trifle with the affections of a man who loves you; nor admit of marked attentions from one whose affection you cannot return. Some young ladies pride themselves upon the conquests which they make, and would not scruple to sacrifice the happiness of an estimable person to their reprehensible vanity. Let this be far from you. If you see clearly that you have become an object of especial regard to a gentleman, and do not wish to encourage his addresses, treat him honorably and humanely, as you hope to be used with generosity by the person who may engage your own heart. Do not let him linger in suspense, but take the earliest opportunity of carefully making known your feelings on the subject. This may be done in a variety of ways. A refined ease of manner will satisfy him, if he has any discernment, that his addresses will not be acceptable. Should your natural disposition render this difficult, show that you wish to avoid his company, and he will presently withdraw; but if even this is difficult—and who can lay down rules for another?—allow an opportunity for explanation to occur. You can then give him a politeand decisive answer; and be assured that, in whatever manner you convey your sentiments to him, if he be a man of delicacy and right feeling, he will trouble you no further. Let it never be said of you, that you permit the attentions of an honorable man when you have no heart to give him; or that you have trifled with the affections of one whom you perhaps esteem, although you resolve never to marry him. It may be that his preference gratifies, and his conversation interests you; that you are flattered by the attentions of a man whom some of your companions admire; and that, in truth, you hardly know your own mind on the subject. This will not excuse you. Every young woman ought to know the state of her own heart; and yet the happiness and future prospects of many an excellent man have been sacrificed by such unprincipled conduct.Remember that if a gentleman makes you an offer, you have no right to speak of it. If you possess either generosity or gratitude for offered affection, you will not betray a secret which does not belong to you. It is sufficiently painful to be refused, without incurring the additional mortification of being pointed out as a rejected lover.If, on the contrary, you encourage the addresses of a deserving man, behave honorably and sensibly. Do not lead him about as if in triumph, nor take advantage of the ascendency which you have gained by playing with his feelings. Do not seek for occasions to tease him, that you may try his temper; neither affect indifference, nor provoke lovers' quarrels, for the foolish pleasure of reconciliation. On your conduct during courtship will very much depend the estimation in which you will be held by your husband in after life.Assuming that the important day is fixed, and that the bidden guests have accepted the invitations, a few observations may be useful, especially to those who live retired in the country.The bride uniformly goes to church in the same carriage with her parents, or with those who stand in their place; as, for instance, if the father is deceased, an elder brother or uncle, or even guardian, accompanies her mother and herself. If, unhappily, she is an orphan, and has no relations, a middle-aged lady and gentleman, friends of her parents, should be requested to take their place. A bridesmaid will also occupy a seat in the same carriage.The bridegroom finds his way to church in a separate carriage with his friends, and he will show his gallantry by handing the bride from her carriage, and paying every attention to those who accompany her. Any omission in this respect cannot be too carefully avoided.When arrived at the altar, the father of the bride, or, in default of such relation, the nearest connexion, or some old friend, gives away the bride. The bridesmaids stand near the bride; and either her sister, or some favorite friend, will hold the gloves or handkerchief, as may be required, when she ungloves her hand for the wedding-ring. When the ceremony is completed, and the names of the bride and bridegroom are signed in the vestry, they first leave the church together, occupying by themselves the carriage that waits to convey them to the house of the bride's father and mother, or that of the guardian, or friend, by whom the bridal breakfast is provided.The wedding-cake uniformly occupies the center of the table. It is often tastefully surrounded with flowers, among which those of the fragrant orange ought to be conspicuous. After being cut according to the usages observed on such occasions, the oldest friend of the family proposes the lady's health; that of the bridegroom is generally proposed by some friend of his own, if present; but if thisis not the case, by his father-in-law, or any of his new relatives, who will deem it incumbent upon them to say something gratifying to him while proposing his health, which courtesy he must acknowledge as best he can. After this the bride withdraws, in order to prepare for leaving the parental roof, by taking off her wedding, and putting on her traveling dress; although it happens not unfrequently that the bride remains in another apartment, and thus avoids the fatigue and embarrassment of appearing at the breakfast-table. When this occurs, her place beside the bridegroom must be occupied by a near relation or friend. But whether present, or remaining apart with a few friends, all who are invited to do honor to the bride must appear in full dress. Bracelets may be worn on one or both wrists. Black of any kind is wholly inadmissible; not even black satin can be allowed; and widows must attire themselves either in quiet colored suits, or else in silver gray.On such festive occasions, all appear in their best attire, and assume their best manners. Peculiarities that pertain to past days, or have been unwarily adopted, should be guarded against; mysteries concerning knives, forks, and plates, or throwing "an old shoe" after the bride, are highly reprehensible, and have long been exploded. Such practices may seem immaterial, but they are not so. Stranger guests often meet at a wedding breakfast; and the good breeding of the family may be somewhat compromised by neglect in small things.If the lady appears at breakfast, which is certainly desirable, she occupies, with her husband, the center of the table, and sits by his side—her father and mother taking the top and bottom, and showing all honor to their guests. When the cake has been cut, and every one is helped—when, too, the health of the bride and bridegroomhas been drunk, and every compliment and kind wish has been duly proffered and acknowledged—the bride, attended by her friends, withdraws; and when ready for her departure the newly-married couple start off on their wedding journey, generally about two or three o'clock, and the rest of the company shortly afterward take their leave.In some circles it is customary to send cards almost immediately to friends and relations, mentioning at what time and hour the newly-married couple expect to be called upon. Some little inconvenience occasionally attends this custom, as young people may wish to extend their wedding tour beyond the time first mentioned, or, if they go abroad, delays may unavoidably occur. It is therefore better to postpone sending cards, for a short time at least.Fashions change continually with regard to wedding-cards. A few years since they were highly ornamented, and fantastically tied together; now silver-edged cards are fashionable; but, unquestionably, the plainer and more unostentatious a wedding-card, the more lady-like and becoming it will be.No one to whom a wedding-card has not been sent ought to call upon a newly-married couple.When the days named for seeing company arrive, remember to be punctual. Call, if possible, the first day, but neither before nor after the appointed hour. Wedding-cake and wine are handed round, of which every one partakes, and each expresses some kindly wish for the happiness of the newly-married couple.Taking possession of their home by young people is always a joyous period. The depressing influence of a wedding breakfast, where often the hearts of many are sad, is not felt, and every one looks forward to years of prosperity and happiness.

"A breath can make them, or a breath unmake."

"A breath can make them, or a breath unmake."

In dancing, generally, the performers of both sexes should endeavor to wear a pleasant countenance; and in presenting hands, a slight inclination of the head, in the manner of a salutation, is appropriate and becoming. Dancing is certainly supposed to be an enjoyment, but the sombre countenance of some who engage in it, might almost lead to the belief that it were a solemn duty being performed. If those who laugh in church would transfer their merriment to the assembly-room, and those who are sad in the assembly-room would carry their gravity to the church, they both might discover the appositeness of Solomon's declaration, that "there is a time to be merry and a time to be sad."

We have already alluded to the importance of a correct use of language in conversation, and though we are aware that it is absolutely impossible to practice it without a certain degree of education, yet we would urge that the habit which many acquire, more through carelessness than ignorance, of disregarding it, is worthy of consideration. Many a young lady has lost a future husband by a wanton contempt for the rules of Lindley Murray.

Though hardly a case in point, we cannot forego the opportunity of recording an incident in the career of a young man "about town," who, anxious to see life in all its phases, was induced to attend a public ball, the patrons of which were characterized more for their peculiarity ofmanners than their extraordinary refinement. On being solicited by an acquaintance, whom he respected for his kindness of heart and integrity rather than for his mental accomplishments, to dance with his daughter, he consented, and was accordingly introduced to a very beautiful young lady. Ere the dance commenced, and while the musicians were performing the "Anvil Chorus," from "Trovatore," the young lady asked: "Do you know what that'ereis?"

Supposing that she meantair, and wishing to give her an opportunity of making herself happy in the thought of imparting a valuable piece of information, in utter disregard of the principles of Mrs. Opie, he replied, "No." "Why," said she, "that's the Anvel Core-ri-ous."

With an expletive more profane than polite, he suddenly found his admiration for the lady as much diminished by her ignorance, as it had before been exalted by her beauty.

At private assemblies, it should be the effort of both ladies and gentlemen to render themselves as agreeable as possible to all parties. With this purpose in view, the latter should, therefore, avoid showing marked preferences to particular ladies, either by devoting their undivided attentions or dancing exclusively with them. Too often, the belle of the evening, with no other charms than beauty of form and feature, monopolizes the regards of a circle of admirers, while modest merit, of less personal attraction, is both overlooked and neglected. We honor the generous conduct of those, particularly the "well-favored," who bestow their attentions on ladies who, from conscious lack of beauty, least expect them.

On the other hand, no lady, however numerous the solicitations of her admirers, should consent to dance repeatedly, when, by so doing, she excludes other ladies from participating in the same amusement; still less, as we haveelsewhere hinted, should she dance exclusively with the same gentleman, to the disadvantage of others.

Both ladies and gentlemen should be careful about introducing persons to each other without being first satisfied that such a course will be mutually agreeable.

The custom, in this country, particularly among gentlemen, of indiscriminate introductions, is carried to such a ridiculous extent, that it has often been made the subject of comment by foreigners, who can discover no possible advantage in being made acquainted with others with whom they are not likely to associate for three minutes, in whom they take not the slightest interest, and whom they probably will never again encounter, nor recognize if they should. Besides, every one has a right to exercise his own judgment and taste in the selection of acquaintances, and it is clearly a breach of politeness to thrust them upon your friend or associate, without knowing whether it will be agreeable to either party.

Theetiquette of the ball-room being disposed of, let us now enter slightly into that of an evening party.

The invitations issued and accepted for an evening party will be written in the same style as those already described for a dinner-party. They should be sent outat leastthree weeks before the day fixed for the event, and should be replied to within a week of their receipt, accepting or declining with regrets. By attending to these courtesies, the guests will have time to consider their engagements and prepare their dresses, and the hostess will also know what will be the number of her party.

A lady, invited to an evening party, may request a gentleman to accompany her, even though he may not have received an invitation from the hostess.

In most of the American cities nine o'clock is the hour which custom has established as the time for the lady to be in her parlor, ready to receive her guests, and by ten o'clock all the guests should arrive. It is an affectation, not entirely devoid of assumption and impudence, for people to purposely delay their appearance till a very late hour.

As the ladies and gentlemen arrive, each should be shown to a room exclusively provided for their reception; and the gentleman conducts the lady in his charge to the door of the ladies' dressing-room, while he goes to the gentlemen's apartment, each to prepare their toilet suitably to entering the reception-room.

In the room set apart for the ladies, attendants should be in waiting to assist in uncloaking, and helping to arrange the hair and toilet of those who require it.

After completing her toilet, the lady waits at the door of her dressing-room till the gentleman joins her, and they make theirentréetogether.

In large and formal parties, it is generally customary for the servant to announce the names of the guests as they enter the room, but this is a ceremony well enough dispensed with, except on occasions of very large and formal parties.

It is the business of the lady of the house to be near the door to receive her guests; if she is not there, you need not go hunting through the crowd after her.

As the guests enter the room, it is not necessary for the lady of the house to advance each time toward the door, but merely to rise from her seat to receive their courtesies and congratulations. If, indeed, the hostess wishes to show particular favor to some peculiarly honored guests, she may introduce them to others, whose acquaintance she may imagine will be especially suitable and agreeable.

It is very often the practice of the gentleman of the house to introduce one gentleman to another, but occasionally the lady performs this office; when it will, of course, be polite for the persons thus introduced to take their seats together for the time being.

When entering a private ball or party, the visitor should invariably bow to the company. No well-bred person would omit this courtesy in entering a drawing-room; and although the entrance to a large assembly may be unnoticedby all present, its observance is not the less necessary. It is the thoughtless absence of good manners in large and mixed companies, where a greater degree of studied politeness is indispensable, that renders them sometimes so unpleasant.

A separate room or convenient buffet should be appropriated for refreshments, and to which the dancers may retire; and cakes and biscuits, with lemonade, handed round.

Of course a supper is provided at all private parties; and this requires, on the part of the hostess, a great deal of attention and supervision. It usually takes place between the first and second parts of the programme of the dances, of which there should be several prettily written or printed copies distributed about the room.

It will be well for the hostess, even if she be very partial to the amusement, and a graceful dancer, not to participate in it to any great extent, lest her lady guests should have occasion to complain of her monopoly of the gentlemen, and other causes of neglect.

A few dances will suffice to show her interest in the entertainment, without unduly trenching on the attention due to her guests.

The hostess or host, during the progress of a party, will courteously accost and chat with their friends, and take care that the ladies are furnished with seats, and that those who wish to dance are provided with partners. A gentle hint from the hostess, conveyed in a quiet ladylike manner, that certain ladies have remained unengaged during several dances, is sure not to be neglected by any gentleman. Thus will be studied the comfort and enjoyment of the guests, and no lady, in leaving the house, will be able to feel the chagrin and disappointment of not having beeninvited to "stand up" in a dance during the whole evening.

For any of the members, either sons or daughters, of the family at whose house the party is given, to dance frequently or constantly, denotes decided ill-breeding. The ladies of the house should not occupy those places in a quadrille which others may wish to fill, and they should, moreover, be at leisure to attend to the rest of the company; and the gentlemen should be entertaining the married ladies and those who do not dance.

In private parties, a lady is not to refuse the invitation of a gentleman to dance, unless she be previously engaged. The hostess must be supposed to have asked to her house only those persons whom she knows to be perfectly respectable and of unblemished character, as well as pretty equal in position; and thus, to decline the offer of any gentleman present, would be a tacit reflection on the gentleman or lady of the house.

If one lady refuses you, do not ask another who is seated near her to dance the same set. Do not go immediately to another lady, but chat a few moments with the one whom you first invited, and then join a group or gentlemen friends for a few moments, before seeking another partner.

In private parties, where dancing is the chief part of the evening's entertainment, it is not in conformity with the rules of etiquette for a young lady to dance with one gentleman repeatedly, to the exclusion of all others who may solicit her hand, even though the favored individual be her suitor. However complimentary to the lady, to be the recipient of a gentleman's undivided attentions, or however gratifying it may be for him to manifest his devotion to the lady of his choice, such a course is an exhibition of selfishness which ought not to be displayed in an assemblage of ladies and gentlemen who have congregated for mutual enjoyment.

It is not consideredcomme il fautto ask a married lady to dance, when her husband is present, without previously ascertaining whether it be agreeable to him.

Gentlemen will not get together in groups to the neglect of the ladies.

The members of an invited family should never be seen conversing with each other at a party.

If you accompany your wife to a dancing party, be careful not to dance with her, except perhaps the first set.

Where there are no programmes, engagements should not be made until the dance is announced.

When the dance is over, the gentleman conducts his partner to her seat; and, unless he chooses to sit beside her, bows and withdraws.

While dancing, a lady should consider herself engaged to her partner, and therefore not at liberty to hold a flirtation, between the figures, with another gentleman; and should recollect that it is the gentleman's part to lead her, and hers to follow his directions.

In a circle, we should not pass before a lady; neither should we present anything by extending the arm over her, but pass round behind and present it. In case we cannot do it, we say,I ask your pardon, etc.

In ascending a staircase with ladies, go at their side or before them.

A correct ear for music does not pertain to every one, and those who are deficient in this respect should refrain from dancing. Let not the unpracticed dancer attemptquadrilles. A novice necessarily perplexes and annoys a partner. On the other hand, nowhere perhaps has a kindly disposition more pleasing opportunities of conferring small benefits than in a ball-room. Those who are expert in dancing may gently apprise the unskillful of an error, and this without giving the slightest offense, or seeming to dictate; while such as dance well, and are solicited to dance, should carefully avoid speaking of it. They ought rather to seek to contribute to less fortunate persons a full share in the evening's amusement. A lady may do this by gently hinting to a gentleman who solicits her hand for another dance, that such a lady has remained unengaged. No gentleman will neglect such a suggestion.

There is a custom which is sometimes practiced both in the assembly room and at private parties, which cannot be too strongly reprehended; we allude to the habit of ridicule and ungenerous criticism of those who are ungraceful or otherwise obnoxious to censure, which is indulged in by the thoughtless, particularly among the dancers. Of its gross impropriety and vulgarity we need hardly express an opinion; but there is such an utter disregard for the feelings of others implied in this kind of negative censorship, that we cannot forbear to warn our young readers to avoid it. The "Koran" says: "Do not mock—the mocked may be better than the mocker." Those you condemn may not have had the same advantages as yourself in acquiring grace or dignity, while they may be infinitely superior in purity of heart and mental accomplishments. The advice of Chesterfield to his son, in his commerce with society, todo as you would be done by, is founded on the Christian precept, and worthy of commendation. Imagine yourself the victim of another's ridicule, and you will cease to indulge in a pastime which only gains for you the hatred of those you satirize, if they chance to observe you, and the contempt of others who have noticed your violation of politeness, and abuse of true sociality.

We conclude our strictures on this subject with the following passage from the essays of Addison: "But what an absurd thing it is, to pass over all the valuable characteristics of individuals, and fix our attention on their infirmities—to observe their imperfections more than their virtues—and to make use of them for the sport of others, rather than for our own improvement."

In whatever relation with the fair sex, and under whatsoever circumstances, it is the duty—we may add, the practice—of a gentleman to so deport himself as to avoid giving any cause of offense.

In private parties, where people meet for the pleasure of conversation, remember occasionally to change your place. Opportunities will readily occur, such, for instance, as the opening of a portfolio of prints, or the showing of any article of taste or science. You will thus avoid the awkwardness of being either left alone, or constraining the master or mistress of the house to commiserate your isolated condition.

If you are asked by the lady of the house, at an evening party, to sing, and you can really do so well, comply at once; but never sing at the request of another person. If you cannot or do not choose to sing, say so at once with seriousness and gravity, and put an end to the expectation promptly. After singing once or twice, cease and give place to others.

When singing or playing is going on, if you have no taste for music, you should still be profoundly silent. To converse, is annoying to the rest of the company, rude to the mistress of the house, and cruel to the performer.

Carefully avoid all peculiarities of manner; and every wish to show off, or to absorb conversation to yourself. Be also very careful not to appear to be wiser than the company. If a fact in history is mentioned, even if it be not quite correct, do not set the narrator right, unless in a very delicate and submissive manner. If an engraving of distant scenery or foreign buildings is shown, do not industriously point out inaccuracies. It may be that such occur, but finding fault is never acceptable; it conveys a censure on the taste or information of the possessor; or it suggests that he has been imposed upon—an idea which is always productive of mortification. Such attempts to appear wiser than the rest of the company, interfere with the pleasure of the party, and the person who falls into them is never long acceptable.

People sometimes say, that they are not invited to parties; they complain of neglect, and are out of humor with the world. Let such persons consider whether they have not brought upon themselves the neglect which they deplore.

Should the guests be numerous, and the space scarcely sufficient for their accommodation, it would be considered extremely ill-bred to take a place previously engaged; or, when joining a country dance, to push in at the middle or upper end. You must take your station below the last couple who are standing up.

If there be a supper, the gentleman should conduct to the supper-room his last partner, unless he have a prior engagement, or is asked by the host to do otherwise. In the latter case, he should provide his partner with a substitute, at the same time making a handsome apology.

No gentleman should offer his services to conduct a lady home, without being acquainted with her, unless he have been requested so to do by the host.

When any of the carriages of the guests are announced, or the time for their departure arrived, they should makea slight intimation to the hostess, without, however, exciting any observation, that they are about to depart. If this cannot be done without creating too much bustle, it will be better for the visitors to retire quietly without saying good-night, for when people are seen to be leaving, it often breaks up the party. An opportunity, however, may previously be sought of intimating to the hostess your intention to retire, which is more respectful.

During the course of the week, the hostess will expect to receive from every guest a call, where it is possible, or cards expressing the gratification experienced from her entertainment. This attention is due to every lady for the pains and trouble she has been at, and tends to promote social, kindly feelings.

Nextin order to the ceremonials of dinner or evening parties, are customary calls, comprised under the general head of visiting. They are those of ceremony, friendship, or condolence, and occupy no small portion of time.

Such visits are necessary, in order to maintain good feeling between the members of society; they are required by the custom of the age in which we live, and must be carefully attended to.

First, then, are visits of ceremony, merging occasionally into those of friendship, but uniformly required after dining at a friend's house. Professional men are not however, in general, expected to pay such visits, because their time is preoccupied; but they form almost the only exception.

Visits of ceremony must be necessarily short. They should on no account be made before the hour, nor yet during the time of luncheon. Persons who intrude themselves at unwonted hours are never welcome; the lady of the house does not like to be disturbed when she is perhaps dining with her children; and the servants justly complain of being interrupted at the hour when they assemble for their noon-day meal. Ascertain, therefore, which you can readily do, what is the family hour for luncheon, and act accordingly.

Half an hour amply suffices for a visit of ceremony. If the visitor be a lady, she may remove her victorine, but on no account either the shawl or bonnet, even if politelyrequested to do so by the mistress of the house. Some trouble is necessarily required in replacing them, and this ought to be avoided. If, however, your visit of ceremony is to a particular friend, the case is different; but even then, it is best to wait till you are invited to do so; and when you rise for the purpose the lady of the house will assist you.

Favorite dogs are never welcome visitors in a drawing-room. Many people have even a dislike to such animals. They require watching, lest they should leap upon a chair or sofa, or place themselves upon a lady's dress, and attentions of this kind are much out of place. Neither ought a mother, when paying a ceremonial visit, to be accompanied by young children. It is frequently difficult to amuse them, and, if not particularly well trained at home, they naturally seize hold of books, or those ornaments with which it is fashionable to decorate a drawing-room. The lady of the house trembles for the fate of a beautiful shell, or vase, or costly book. She does not like to express her uneasiness, and yet knows not how to refrain. Therefore leave the children at home; or, if they accompany you in the carriage, let them remain till your visit is over. If you have an infant, the nurse may await your return, or be left in an ante-room, unless a decided request be made to the contrary.

If during your short visit the conversation begins to flag, it will be best to retire. The lady of the house may have some engagement at a fixed hour, and by remaining even a few minutes longer, she may be put to serious inconvenience. Do not, however, seem to notice any silent hint, by rising hastily; but take leave with quiet politeness, as if your time were fully expired. When other visitors are announced, retire as soon as possible, and yet without letting it appear that their arrival is the cause. Wait till the bustle of their entrance is over, and then rise from yourchair, take leave of the hostess, and bow politely to the guests. By so doing you will save the lady of the house from being obliged to entertain two sets of visitors.

Should you call by chance at an inconvenient hour, when perhaps the lady is going out, or sitting down to luncheon, retire as soon as possible, even if politely asked to remain. You need not let it appear that you feel yourself an intruder; every well-bred or even good-tempered person knows what to say on such an occasion; but politely withdraw, with a promise to call again, if the lady seems to be really disappointed.

If your acquaintance or friend is from home, leave a card,1whether you call in a carriage or not. If in the latter, the servant will answer your inquiry, and receive your card; but on no account ask leave to go in and rest; neither urge your wish if you fancy that the lady whom you desire to see is really at home, or even if you flatter yourself that she would make an exception in your favor. Some people think that the form of words, "Not at home," is readily understood to mean that the master or mistress of the house have no wish to see even his or her most intimate friends. However this may be, take care that you do not attempt to effect an entrance.

1When the caller is about to leave the city for a protracted absence, it is usual to put the letters P. P. C. in the left hand corner of the card; they are the initials of the French phrase, "pour prendre congé"—to take leave, and may with equal propriety stand forpresents parting compliments.

1When the caller is about to leave the city for a protracted absence, it is usual to put the letters P. P. C. in the left hand corner of the card; they are the initials of the French phrase, "pour prendre congé"—to take leave, and may with equal propriety stand forpresents parting compliments.

Visits of courtesy or ceremony are uniformly paid at Christmas, or at the commencement of a new year, independently of family parties; a good old custom, the observance of which is always pleasing, and which should be carefully attended to. It is uniformly right to call on patrons, or those from whom kindness has been received.

In visiting your intimate friends, ceremony may generally be dispensed with.

Keep a strict account of your ceremonial visits. This is needful, because time passes rapidly; and take note how soon your calls are returned. You will thus be able, in most cases, to form an opinion whether or not your frequent visits are desired. Instances may however occur, when, in consequence of age or ill health, it is desirable that you should call, without any reference to your visits being returned. When desirous to act thus, remember that, if possible, nothing should interrupt the discharge of this duty.

Among relations and intimate friends, visits of mere ceremony are unnecessary. It is, however, needful to call at suitable times, and to avoid staying too long if your friend is engaged. The courtesies of society, as already noticed, must ever be maintained, even in the domestic circle, or among the nearest friends.

In leaving cards you must thus distribute them: one for the lady of the house and her daughters—the latter are sometimes represented by turning up the edge of the card—one for the master of the house, and if there be a grown up son or a near male relation staying in the house, one for him. But though cards are cheap, you must never leave more than three at a time at the same house. As married men have, or are supposed to have, too much to do to make ceremonial calls, it is the custom for a wife to take her husband's cards with her and to leave one or two of them with her own. If, on your inquiring for the lady of the house, the servant replies, "Mrs. So-and-so is not at home, but Miss So-and-so is," you should leave a card, because young ladies do not receive calls from gentlemen unless they are very intimate with them, or have passed the rubicon of thirty summers. It must be remembered, too, that where there is a lady of the house,your call is to her, not to her husband, except on business.

Morning calls may be divided into three heads: Those paid at the time already specified; weekly visits to intimate friends, or by young persons to those advanced in life; and monthly visits, which are generally ceremonious.

With respect to the first, be very careful that you do not acquire the character of aday goblin. A day goblin is one of those persons who, having plenty of leisure, and a great desire to hear themselves talk, make frequent inroads into their friends' houses. Though perhaps well acquainted with the rules of etiquette, they call at the most unseasonable hours. If the habits of the family are early, you will find them in the drawing-room at eleven o'clock. It may be they are agreeable and well-informed people; but who wishes for calls at such a strange hour! Most families have their rules and occupations. In one, the lady of the house attends to the education of her children; in another, domestic affairs engross a portion of the morning; some ladies are fond of gardening, others of music or painting. It is past endurance to have such pursuits broken in upon for the sake of a day goblin, who, having gained access, inflicts his or her presence till nearly luncheon time, and then goes off with saying, "Well, I have paid you a long visit;" or "I hope that I have not stayed too long."

A well-bred person always receives visitors at whatever time they may call, or whoever they may be; but if you are occupied and cannot afford to be interrupted by a mere ceremony, you should instruct the servantbeforehandto say that you are "not at home." This form has often been denounced as a falsehood, but a lie is no lie unless intended to deceive; and since the words are universally understood to mean that you are engaged, it can be no harm to give such an order to a servant. But, on the other hand,if the servant once admits a visitor within the hall, you should receive him at any inconvenience to yourself. A lady should never keep a visitor waiting more than a minute, or two at the most, and if she cannot avoid doing so, must apologize on entering the drawing-room.

In good society, a visitor, unless he is a complete stranger, does not wait to be invited to sit down, but takes a seat at once easily. A gentleman should never take the principal place in the room, nor, on the other hand, sit at an inconvenient distance from the lady of the house. He must hold his hat gracefully, not put it on a chair or table, or, if he wants to use both hands, must place it on the floor close to his chair. A well-bred lady, who is receiving two or three visitors at a time, pays equal attention to all, and attempts, as much as possible, to generalize the conversation, turning to all in succession. The last arrival, however, receives a little more attention at first than the others, and the latter, to spare her embarrasment, should leave as soon as convenient. People who out-sit two or three parties of visitors, unless they have some particular motive for doing so, come under the denomination of "bores." A "bore" is a person who does not know when you have had enough of his or her company.

Be cautious how you take an intimate frienduninvitedeven to the house of those with whom you may be equally intimate, as there is always a feeling of jealousy that another should share your thoughts and feelings to the same extent as themselves, although good breeding will induce them to behavecivillyto your friend on your account.

Ladies in the present day are allowed considerable license in paying and receiving visits; subject, however, to certain rules, which it is needful to define.

Young married ladies may visit their acquaintances alone; but they may not appear in any public places unattendedby their husbands or elder ladies. This rule must never be infringed, whether as regards exhibitions, or public libraries, museums, or promenades; but a young married lady is at liberty to walk with her friends of the same age, whether married or single. Gentlemen are permitted to call on married ladies at their own houses. Such calls the usages of society permit, but never without the knowledge and full permission of husbands.

Ladies may walk unattended in the streets, being careful to pass on as becomes their station—neither with a hurried pace, nor yet affecting to move slowly. Shop-windows, in New York especially, afford great attractions; but it is by no means desirable to be seen standing before them, and most assuredly not alone. Be careful never to look back, nor to observe too narrowly the dresses of such ladies as may pass you. Should any one venture to address you, take no heed, seem not to hear, but hasten your steps. Be careful to reach home in good time. Let nothing ever induce you to be out after dusk, or when the lamps are lighted. Nothing but unavoidable necessity can sanction such acts of impropriety.

Lastly, a lady never calls on a gentleman, unless professionally or officially. It is not only ill-bred, but positively improper to do so. At the same time, there is a certain privilege in age, which makes it possible for an old bachelor like myself to receive a visit from any married lady whom I know very intimately, but such a call would certainly not be one of ceremony, and always presupposes a desire to consult me on some point or other. I should be guilty of shameful treachery, however, if I told any one that I had received such a visit, while I should certainly expect that my fair caller would let her husband know of it.

When morning visitors are announced, rise and advance toward them. If a lady enters, request her to be seated on a sofa; but if advanced in life, or the visitor be an elderly gentleman, insist on their accepting an easy chair, and place yourself, by them. If several ladies arrive at the same time, pay due respect to age and rank, and seat them in the most honorable places; these, in winter, are beside the fire.

Supposing that a young lady occupies such a seat, and a lady older than herself, or superior in condition, enters the room, she must rise immediately, and having courteously offered her place to the new comer, take another in a different part of the room.

If a lady is engaged with her needle when a visitor arrives, she ought to discontinue her work, unless requested to do otherwise: and not even then must it be resumed, unless on very intimate terms with her acquaintance. When this, however, is the case, the hostess may herself request permission to do so. To continue working during a visit of ceremony would be extremely discourteous; and we cannot avoid hinting to our lady readers, that even when a particular friend is present for only a short time, it is somewhat inconsistent with etiquette to keep their eyes fixed on a crochet or knitting-book, apparently engaged in counting stitches, or unfolding the intricacies of a pattern. We have seen this done, and are, therefore, careful to warn them on the subject. There are many kinds of light and elegant, and even useful work, which do not require close attention, and may be profitably pursued; and such we recommend to be always on the work-table at those hours which, according to established practice, are given to social intercourse.

It is generally customary in the country to offer refreshment to morning visitors. If they come from a considerable distance, and are on intimate terms, hospitality requires that you should invite them to take luncheon. In town it is otherwise, and you are not expected to render anycourtesy of the kind, except to aged or feeble persons, or to some one who, perhaps, is in affliction, and to whom the utmost kindliness should be shown.

When your visitor is about to take leave, rise, and accompany her to the door, mindful, at the same time, that the bell is rung, in order that a servant may be in attendance. If the master of the house is present, and a lady is just going away, he must offer her his arm, and lead her to the hall or passage door. If her carriage be in waiting, he will, of course, hand her into it. These attentions are slight, and some persons may think they are scarcely worth noticing. Nevertheless, they are important, and we are the more earnest to press them on the attention of our readers, because we have witnessed the omission of such acts of courtesy in families where a very different mode of conduct might be expected.

And here, turning aside for a brief space from the subject-matter of our discourse, we desire earnestly to impress upon mothers who have sons growing up, the great importance of early imbuing them with the principles of true politeness, and consequent attention to its most trifling observances. What matters it if a tall lad pushes into a room before one of his mother's visitors; or, if he chance to see her going into church, instead of holding the door in a gentlemanly manner, he lets it swing in her face when he has himself entered; or whether he comes into the drawing-room with his hat on, unobservant of lady visitors, or lolls in an arm-chair reading the newspaper?

"What signifies it?" some will say—"why tease a youth about such matters? He will learn manners as he grows up." We think otherwise, and do not scruple to affirm, that he can never learn real gentlemanly politeness from any one but his mother. The neglect of small courtesies in early life, and the outward or mental boorishness towhich it leads, has been, to our certain knowledge, a more fruitful source of wretchedness in many homes, than we have either time or inclination to relate.

In this changing world, visits of condolence must be also occasionally paid; and concerning such, a few necessary rules may be briefly stated.

Visits of condolence should be paid within a week after the event which occasions them; but if the acquaintance be slight, immediately after the family appear at public worship. A card should be sent up; and if your friends are able to receive you, let your manners and conversation be in harmony with the character of your visit. It is courteous to send up a mourning card; and for ladies to make their calls in black silk or plain-colored apparel. It denotes that they sympathize with the afflictions of the family; and such attentions are always pleasing.

Gentlemen will do well to bear in mind that, when they pay morning calls, they must carry their hats with them into the drawing-room; but on no account put them on the chairs or table. There is a graceful manner of holding a hat, which every well-bred man understands.

When calling upon a friend who is boarding, do not go up till the servant returns with an invitation; and never enter a room without previously knocking at the door, and receiving an invitation to come in. Such observances are indispensable, even between the nearest friends.

A gentleman when calling upon a lady, and finding that one of her lady friends is with her, must rise when the visitor takes her leave, and accompany her to the hall door; or if she has a carriage, he should hand her into it—supposing, however, that no gentleman related to the mistress of the house be present. If your visit has been of sufficientlength, you can take your leave when accompanying the lady out of the room.

It happens occasionally that two persons are visiting different members of the same family. When this occurs, and one visitor takes leave, the lady or gentleman whose visitor has just left should remain in the drawing-room. It is considered discourteous to do otherwise.

In most families in this country, evening calls are the most usual. Should you chance to visit a family, and find that they have a party, present yourself, and converse for a few minutes with an unembarrassed air; after which you may retire, unless urged to remain. A slight invitation, given for the sake of courtesy, ought not to be accepted. Make no apology for your unintentional intrusion; but let it be known, in the course of a few days, that you were not aware that your friends had company.

An excellent custom prevails in some families of inviting their guests for a given period. Thus, for example, an invitation is sent, stating that a friend's company is requested on a certain day, mentioning also for what length of time, and if a carriage cannot be offered to meet the visitor, stating expressly the best mode of coming and going. We recommend this admirable plan to the master and mistress of every dwelling which is sufficiently capacious to admit of receiving an occasional guest. A young lady is perhaps invited to spend a little time in the country, but she cannot possibly understand whether the invitation extends to a few days, or a week, or a month, and consequently is much puzzled with regard to the arrangement of her wardrobe. Domestic consultations are held; the letter is read over and over again; every one gives a different opinion, and when the visit is entered upon, somewhat of its pleasure is marred through the embarrassment occasioned by not knowing when to propose taking leave.

In receiving guests, your first object should be to make them feel at home. Begging them to make themselves at home is not sufficient. You should display a genuine unaffected friendliness. Whether you are mistress of a mansion or a cottage, and invite a friend to share your hospitality, you must endeavor, by every possible means, to render the visit agreeable. This should be done without apparent effort, that the visitor may feel herself to be a partaker in your home enjoyments, instead of finding that you put yourself out of the way to procure extraneous pleasures. It is right and proper that you seek to make the time pass lightly; but if, on the other hand, you let a visitor perceive that the whole tenor of your daily concerns is altered on her account, a degree of depression will be felt, and the pleasant anticipations which she most probably entertained will fail to be realized. Let your friend be assured, from your manner, that her presence is a real enjoyment to you—an incentive to recreations which otherwise would not be thought of in the common routine of life. Observe your own feelings when you happen to be the guest of a person who, though he may be very much your friend, and really glad to see you, seems not to know what to do either with you or himself; and again, when in the house of another you feel as much at ease as in your own. Mark the difference, more easily felt than described, between the manners of the two, and deduce therefrom a lesson for your own improvement.

If you have guests in your house, you are to appear to feel that they are all equal for the time, for they all have an equal claim upon your courtesies. Those of the humblest condition will receivefull as much attentionas the rest, in order that you shall not painfully make them feel their inferiority.

Always avoid the foolish practice of deprecating your own rooms, furniture, or viands, and expressing regretsthat you have nothing better to offer. Neither should you go to the other extreme of extolling any particular thing or article of food. The best way is to say nothing about these matters. Neither is it proper to urge guests to eat, or to load their plates against their inclinations.

Endeavor to retain your friends as long as they like to prolong their visit. When they intimate an intention to leave you, if you really desire their continuance somewhat longer, frankly say so. Should they, however, have fixed the time, and cannot prolong their stay, facilitate their going by every means in your power; and, while you kindly invite them to renew their visit, point out to them any places of interest on the road, and furnish such information as you possess.

If invited to spend a few days at a friend's house, conform as much as possible to the habits of the family. When parting for the night, inquire respecting the breakfast hour, and ascertain at what time the family meet for prayers. If this right custom prevails, be sure to be in time; and obtain any necessary information from the servant who waits upon you. Give as little trouble as possible; and never think of apologizing for the extra trouble which your visit occasions. Such an apology implies that your friend cannot conveniently entertain you. Your own good sense and delicacy will teach you the desirability of keeping your room tidy, and your articles of dress and toilet as much in order as possible. If there is a deficiency of servants, a lady will certainly not hesitate to make her own bed and to do for herself as much as possible, and for the family all that is in her power.

We presume that few people will leave a friend's house without some expression of regret, and some acknowledgment proffered for the pleasure that has been afforded them. Instances to the contrary have come within our knowledge,and therefore we remind our youthful readers especially, that this small act of politeness is indispensable, not in the form of a set speech, but by a natural flowing forth of right feeling. It is also proper, on returning home, to inform your friends of your safe arrival; the sense which you entertain of their hospitality, and the gratification derived from your visit, may be also gracefully alluded to.

The chain which binds society together is formed of innumerable links. Let it be your part to keep those links uniformly bright; and to see that neither dust nor rust accumulate upon them.

Thebooks of etiquette tell you, that if you have been introduced to a lady and you afterward meet her in the street, you must not bow to her unless she bow first, in order, as the books say, that she may have an opportunity to cut you if she does not wish to continue the acquaintance. This is the English fashion. But on the continent of Europe the rule is reversed, and no lady, however intimate you may be with her, will acknowledge you in the street unless you first honor her with a bow of recognition. But the American fashion is not like either of them. For here the really well-bred man always politely and respectfully bows to every lady he knows, and, if she is a well-bred woman, she acknowledges the respect paid her. If she expects no further acquaintance, her bow is a mere formal, butalways respectful, recognition of the good manners which have been shown her, and no gentleman ever takes advantage of such politeness to push a further acquaintance uninvited. But why should a lady and gentleman, who know who each other are, scornfully and doggedly pass each other in the streets as though they were enemies? There is no good reason for suchimpoliteness, in the practice of politeness. As compared with the English, the French or continental fashion is certainly more consonant with the rules of good breeding. But the American rule is better than either, for it is based upon the acknowledged general principle, that it is every gentleman's and lady's duty to be polite in all places. Unless parties have done something to forfeit the respect dictated by the common rules of politeness, there should be no deviation from this practice. It is a ridiculous idea that we are to practice ill-manners in the name of etiquette.

While walking the street no one should be so absent-minded as to neglect to recognize his friends. If you do not stop, you should always bow, touch your hat, or bid your friend good day. If you stop, you can offer your hand without removing your glove. If you stop to talk, retire on one side of the walk. If your friend has a stranger with him and you have anything to say, you should apologize to the stranger. Never leave your friend abruptly to see another person without asking him to excuse your departure. If you meet a gentleman of your acquaintance walking with a lady whom you do not know, lift your hat as you salute them. If you know the lady, you should salute her first.

Nevernodto a lady in the street, neither be satisfied with touching your hat,but take it off—it is a courtesy her sex demands.

A gentleman should never omit a punctilious observance of the rules of politeness to his recognized acquaintances, from an apprehension that he will not be met with reciprocal marks of respect. For instance, he should not refuse to raise his hat to an acquaintance who is accompanied by a lady, lest her escort should, from ignorance or stolidity, return his polite salutation with a nod of the head. It is better not to see him, than to set the example of a rude and indecorous salutation. In all such cases, and in all cases, he who is most courteous has the advantage, and should never feel that he has made a humiliating sacrifice of his personal dignity. It is for the party whose behavior has been boorish to have a consciousness of inferiority.

A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street, should not presume to join her in her walk without ascertaining that his company would be entirely agreeable. It might be otherwise, and she should frankly say so. A married lady usually leans upon the arm of her husband; but single ladies do not, in the day, take the arm of a gentleman, unless they are willing to acknowledge an engagement. Gentlemen always give place to ladies, and gentlemen accompanying ladies, in crossing the street.

If you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to meet in the street, however intimate you may be, do not stop her, but turn round and walk in company; you can take leave at the end of the street.

When you are passing in the street, and see coming toward you a person of your acquaintance, whether a lady or an elderly person, you should offer them the wall, that is to say, the side next the houses. If a carriage should happen to stop in such a manner as to leave only a narrow passage between it and the houses, beware of elbowing and rudely crowding the passengers, with a view to get by more expeditiously; wait your turn, and if any of the persons before mentioned come up, you should edge up to the wall, in order to give them the place. They also, as they pass, should bow politely to you.

If stormy weather has made it necessary to lay a plank across the gutter, which has become suddenly filled with water, it is not proper to crowd before another, in order to pass over the frail bridge.

In walking with a lady, it is customary to give her the right arm; but where circumstances render it more convenient to give her the left, it may properly be done. If you are walking with a lady on a crowded street like Broadway, by all means give her the outside, as that willprevent her from being perpetually jostled and run against by the hurrying crowd.

You should offer your arm to a lady with whom you are walking whenever her safety, comfort, or convenience may seem to require such attention on your part. At night your arm should always be tendered, and also when ascending the steps of a public building. In walking with any person you should keep step with military precision, and with ladies and elderly people you should always accommodate your speed to theirs.

If a lady with whom you are walking receives the salute of a person who is a stranger to you, you should return it, not for yourself, but for her.

When a lady whom you accompany wishes to enter a store, you should hold the door open and allow her to enter first, if practicable; for you must never pass before a lady anywhere, if you can avoid it, or without an apology.

In England, it is a mark of low breeding to smoke in the streets. But in America the rule does not hold to quite that extent; though, even here, it is not often that you catch "a gentleman of the strictest sect," in the street with a cigar or pipe in his mouth. For a man to go into the street with a lady on his arm and a cigar in his mouth is a shocking sight, which no gentleman will ever be guilty of exhibiting; for he inevitably subjects the woman to the very worst of suspicions.

Avoid the disgusting habit of spitting.

No gentleman will stand in the doors of hotels, nor on the corners of the streets, gazing impertinently at the ladies as they pass. That is such an unmistakable sign of a loafer, that one can hardly imagine a well-bred man doing such a thing.

Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on dark gloves, as you may soil her white ones. If you meet a lady friend with whom you wish to converse, you must not stop, but turn and walk along with her; and should she be walking with a gentleman, first assure yourself that you are not intruding before you attempt to join the two in their walk.

After twilight, a young lady would not be conducting herself in a becoming manner, by walking alone; and if she passes the evening with any one, she ought, beforehand, to provide some one to come for her at a stated hour; but if this is not practicable, she should politely ask of the person whom she is visiting, to permit a servant to accompany her. But, however much this may be considered proper, and consequently an obligation, a married lady, well educated, will disregard it if circumstances prevent her being able, without trouble, to find a conductor.

If the host wishes to accompany you himself, you must excuse yourself politely for giving him so much trouble, but finish, however, by accepting. On arriving at your house, you should offer him your thanks. In order to avoid these two inconveniences, it will be well to request your husband, or some one of your relatives, to come and wait upon you; you will, in this way, avoid all inconveniences, and be entirely free from that harsh criticism which is sometimes indulged in, especially in small towns, concerning even the most innocent acts.

If, when on your way to fulfill an engagement, a friend stops you in the street, you may, without committing any breach of etiquette, tell him of your appointment, and release yourself from a long talk, but do so in a courteous manner, expressing regret for the necessity.

In inquiring for goods at a shop or store, do not say, I want so and so, but say to the shopman—Show me such orsuch an article, if you please—or use some other polite form of address. If you are obliged to examine a number of articles before you are suited, apologize to the shopkeeper for the trouble you give him. If, after all, you cannot suit yourself, renew your apologies when you go away. If you make only small purchases, say to him—I am sorry for having troubled you for so trifling a thing.

You need not stop to pull off your glove to shake hands with a lady or gentleman. If it is warm weather it is more agreeable to both parties that the glove should be on—especially if it is a lady with whom you shake hands, as the perspiration of your bare hand would be very likely to soil her glove.

If a lady addresses an inquiry to a gentleman on the street, he will lift his hat, or at least touch it respectfully, as he replies. If he cannot give the information required, he will express his regrets.

When tripping over the pavement, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle. With her right hand she should hold together the folds of her gown and draw them toward the right side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can be tolerated only for a moment when the mud is very deep.

Most American ladies in our cities wear too rich and expensive dresses in the street. Some, indeed, will sweep the side-walks with costly stuffs only fit for a drawing-room or a carriage. This is in bad taste, and is what ill-natured people would term snobbish.

Asa general rule, travelers are selfish. They pay little attention either to the comforts or distresses of their fellow-travelers; and the commonest observances of politeness are often sadly neglected by them. In the scramble for tickets, for seats, for state-rooms, or for places at a public table, the courtesies of life seem to be trampled under foot. Even the ladies are sometimes rudely treated and shamefully neglected in the headlong rush for desirable seats in the railway cars. To see the behavior of American people on their travels, one would suppose that we were anything but a refined nation; and I have often wondered whether a majority of our travelers could really make a decent appearance in social society.

When you are traveling, it is no excuse that because others outrage decency and propriety you should follow their example, and fight them with their own weapons. A rush and scramble at the railway ticket office is always unnecessary. The cars will not leave until every passenger is aboard, and if you have ladies with you, you can easily secure your seats and afterward procure the tickets at leisure. But suppose you do lose a favorite seat by your moderation! Is it not better to suffer a little inconvenience than to show yourself decidedly vulgar? Go to the cars half an hour before they start, and you will avoid all trouble of this kind.

When seated, or about to seat yourself in the cars, never allow considerations of personal comfort or convenienceto cause you to disregard the rights of fellow-travelers, or forget the respectful courtesy due to woman. The pleasantest or most comfortable seats belong to the ladies, and you should never refuse to resign such seats to them with a cheerful politeness. Sometimes a gentleman will go through a car and choose his seat, and afterward vacate it to procure his ticket, leaving his overcoat or carpet bag to show that the seat is taken. Always respect this token, and never seize upon a seat thus secured, without leave, even though you may want it for a lady. It is not always necessary for a gentleman to rise after he has seated himself and offer his seat to a lady, particularly if the lady is accompanied by another gentleman; for there may still be eligible vacant seats in the cars. But should you see a lady come alone, and if the seats in the car all appear to be filled, do not hesitate to offer her yours, if you have no ladies in your company. And should a lady motion to seat herself beside you, rise at once and offer her the choice of the two seats. These are but common courtesies that every well-bred man will at all times cheerfully offer to the other sex.

Making acquaintances in the cars, although correct enough, is a measure of which travelers generally appear to be very shy. There is no reason for this, as acquaintances thus picked up need never be recognized again unless you please. If a stranger speaks to you, always answer him politely, and if his conversation proves disagreeable, you have no alternative but to change your seat.

In steamers do not make a rush for the supper table, or make a glutton of yourself when you get there. Never fail to offer your seat on deck to a lady, if the seats all appear to be occupied, and always meet half way any fellow-passenger who wishes to enter into conversation with you. Some travelers are so exclusive that they consider it a presumption on the part of a stranger to address them;but such people are generally foolish, and of no account. Sociable intercourse while traveling is one of its main attractions. Who would care about sitting and moping for a dozen of hours on board a steamer without exchanging a word with anybody? and this must be the fate of the exclusives when they travel alone. Even ladies, who run greater risks in forming steamboat acquaintances than the men, are allowed the greatest privileges in that respect. It might not be exactly correct for a lady to make a speaking acquaintance of a gentleman; but she may address or question him for the time being without impropriety.

Fellow-passengers, whether on a steamboat or in the cars, should at all times be sociable and obliging to one another. Those who are the reverse of this may be set down either as selfish, foolish, or conceited.

In the cars you have no right to keep a window open for your accommodation, if the current of air thus produced annoys or endangers the health of another. There are a sufficient number of discomforts in traveling, at best, and it should be the aim of each passenger to lessen them as much as possible, and to cheerfully bear his own part. Life is a journey, and we are all fellow-travelers.

If in riding in an omnibus, or crossing a ferry with a friend, he wishes to pay for you, never insist upon paying for yourself or for both. If he is before you, let the matter pass without remark.

Inspeaking of marriage, it is not merely with reference to its social importance, but as regards certain observances, concerning which no work on Etiquette has yet given any explicit rules.

First, then, with respect to the preliminary subject of courtship. That unseen monitor, who has already suggested many points for consideration to lady readers, would now say to them: Before you admit the attentions of a gentleman who wishes to pay you his addresses, very carefully examine your respective tastes and dispositions; and settle in your own mind what are the most important requisites of happiness in a married state. With this view, you must enter upon the consideration of the subject with a calm and decisive spirit, which will enable you to see where your true happiness lies, and to pursue it with determined resolution. In matters of business, follow the advice of such as are able to guide you; and as regards the subject of marriage, turn not away from the counsel of those who are appointed to watch over and direct you.

If a gentleman gives you reason to believe that he wishes to engage your affections, seek the advice of your parents, that they may gain for you every necessary particular with regard to his morals and disposition, and means of suitably providing for you. If, unhappily, death has deprived you of parents, ask counsel of some one who will care for you, and on whose friendship you can rely. Remember that you have little knowledge of the world, and that yourjudgment has not arrived at full maturity. But however circumstanced, avoid, as you would the plague, any attentions from a gentleman whose moral character renders him undeserving your regard.

Let neither rank nor fortune, nor the finest order of intellect, nor yet the most winning manners, induce you to accept the addresses of an irreligious man. You dare not ask the blessing of your Heavenly Father upon such addresses; and without His blessing, what happiness can you expect? Men often say, "that whatever their own opinions may be, they will marry religious women." This may be; but woe to a religious woman, if she allows herself to be thus beguiled! Supposing your admirer be a sensible man, he will like religion in you for his own sake; if, on the contrary, such is not the case, and you become his wife, he will often, though perhaps without intention, distress you by his remarks; and in either case, if you have children, you will suffer much in seeing that your endeavors to form their minds to virtue and piety, and to secure their present and eternal happiness, are regarded with indifference, or at least that you are not assisted in your efforts.

Remember, also, that no happiness can be expected in the marriage state, unless the husband be worthy of respect. Do not marry a weak man; he is often intractable or capricious, and seldom listens to the voice of reason; and most painful must it be to any sensible woman to have to blush for her husband, and feel uneasy every time he opens his lips. Still worse, if it should please God to give her children, if she cannot point to the example of their father as leading to what is excellent and of good report; nor yet to his precepts and instructions as their rule of conduct. One thing is certain, that a weak man uniformly shows his consequence by contradicting his wife, because he will not have it supposed that he is under her influence.

Advances, or offers of marriage, are made in a thousand different ways; but, however tendered, receive them courteously, and with dignity. If a letter comes to you, answer it as becomes a gentlewoman—your own heart will dictate what you ought to say. Questions have arisen with regard to the wording of such letters, but no certain rule can be laid down; whether it be answered in the first or third person, must depend upon the degree of acquaintance which has previously existed. No young lady would certainly head her letter with—"Dear Sir," to a suitor whom she scarcely knows, or to one whom she intends refusing. She ought, however, on no account, either to receive or answer letters of the kind without showing them to her mother; or, if unfortunately without parents, she will do well to consult some judicious female friend.

Never trifle with the affections of a man who loves you; nor admit of marked attentions from one whose affection you cannot return. Some young ladies pride themselves upon the conquests which they make, and would not scruple to sacrifice the happiness of an estimable person to their reprehensible vanity. Let this be far from you. If you see clearly that you have become an object of especial regard to a gentleman, and do not wish to encourage his addresses, treat him honorably and humanely, as you hope to be used with generosity by the person who may engage your own heart. Do not let him linger in suspense, but take the earliest opportunity of carefully making known your feelings on the subject. This may be done in a variety of ways. A refined ease of manner will satisfy him, if he has any discernment, that his addresses will not be acceptable. Should your natural disposition render this difficult, show that you wish to avoid his company, and he will presently withdraw; but if even this is difficult—and who can lay down rules for another?—allow an opportunity for explanation to occur. You can then give him a politeand decisive answer; and be assured that, in whatever manner you convey your sentiments to him, if he be a man of delicacy and right feeling, he will trouble you no further. Let it never be said of you, that you permit the attentions of an honorable man when you have no heart to give him; or that you have trifled with the affections of one whom you perhaps esteem, although you resolve never to marry him. It may be that his preference gratifies, and his conversation interests you; that you are flattered by the attentions of a man whom some of your companions admire; and that, in truth, you hardly know your own mind on the subject. This will not excuse you. Every young woman ought to know the state of her own heart; and yet the happiness and future prospects of many an excellent man have been sacrificed by such unprincipled conduct.

Remember that if a gentleman makes you an offer, you have no right to speak of it. If you possess either generosity or gratitude for offered affection, you will not betray a secret which does not belong to you. It is sufficiently painful to be refused, without incurring the additional mortification of being pointed out as a rejected lover.

If, on the contrary, you encourage the addresses of a deserving man, behave honorably and sensibly. Do not lead him about as if in triumph, nor take advantage of the ascendency which you have gained by playing with his feelings. Do not seek for occasions to tease him, that you may try his temper; neither affect indifference, nor provoke lovers' quarrels, for the foolish pleasure of reconciliation. On your conduct during courtship will very much depend the estimation in which you will be held by your husband in after life.

Assuming that the important day is fixed, and that the bidden guests have accepted the invitations, a few observations may be useful, especially to those who live retired in the country.

The bride uniformly goes to church in the same carriage with her parents, or with those who stand in their place; as, for instance, if the father is deceased, an elder brother or uncle, or even guardian, accompanies her mother and herself. If, unhappily, she is an orphan, and has no relations, a middle-aged lady and gentleman, friends of her parents, should be requested to take their place. A bridesmaid will also occupy a seat in the same carriage.

The bridegroom finds his way to church in a separate carriage with his friends, and he will show his gallantry by handing the bride from her carriage, and paying every attention to those who accompany her. Any omission in this respect cannot be too carefully avoided.

When arrived at the altar, the father of the bride, or, in default of such relation, the nearest connexion, or some old friend, gives away the bride. The bridesmaids stand near the bride; and either her sister, or some favorite friend, will hold the gloves or handkerchief, as may be required, when she ungloves her hand for the wedding-ring. When the ceremony is completed, and the names of the bride and bridegroom are signed in the vestry, they first leave the church together, occupying by themselves the carriage that waits to convey them to the house of the bride's father and mother, or that of the guardian, or friend, by whom the bridal breakfast is provided.

The wedding-cake uniformly occupies the center of the table. It is often tastefully surrounded with flowers, among which those of the fragrant orange ought to be conspicuous. After being cut according to the usages observed on such occasions, the oldest friend of the family proposes the lady's health; that of the bridegroom is generally proposed by some friend of his own, if present; but if thisis not the case, by his father-in-law, or any of his new relatives, who will deem it incumbent upon them to say something gratifying to him while proposing his health, which courtesy he must acknowledge as best he can. After this the bride withdraws, in order to prepare for leaving the parental roof, by taking off her wedding, and putting on her traveling dress; although it happens not unfrequently that the bride remains in another apartment, and thus avoids the fatigue and embarrassment of appearing at the breakfast-table. When this occurs, her place beside the bridegroom must be occupied by a near relation or friend. But whether present, or remaining apart with a few friends, all who are invited to do honor to the bride must appear in full dress. Bracelets may be worn on one or both wrists. Black of any kind is wholly inadmissible; not even black satin can be allowed; and widows must attire themselves either in quiet colored suits, or else in silver gray.

On such festive occasions, all appear in their best attire, and assume their best manners. Peculiarities that pertain to past days, or have been unwarily adopted, should be guarded against; mysteries concerning knives, forks, and plates, or throwing "an old shoe" after the bride, are highly reprehensible, and have long been exploded. Such practices may seem immaterial, but they are not so. Stranger guests often meet at a wedding breakfast; and the good breeding of the family may be somewhat compromised by neglect in small things.

If the lady appears at breakfast, which is certainly desirable, she occupies, with her husband, the center of the table, and sits by his side—her father and mother taking the top and bottom, and showing all honor to their guests. When the cake has been cut, and every one is helped—when, too, the health of the bride and bridegroomhas been drunk, and every compliment and kind wish has been duly proffered and acknowledged—the bride, attended by her friends, withdraws; and when ready for her departure the newly-married couple start off on their wedding journey, generally about two or three o'clock, and the rest of the company shortly afterward take their leave.

In some circles it is customary to send cards almost immediately to friends and relations, mentioning at what time and hour the newly-married couple expect to be called upon. Some little inconvenience occasionally attends this custom, as young people may wish to extend their wedding tour beyond the time first mentioned, or, if they go abroad, delays may unavoidably occur. It is therefore better to postpone sending cards, for a short time at least.

Fashions change continually with regard to wedding-cards. A few years since they were highly ornamented, and fantastically tied together; now silver-edged cards are fashionable; but, unquestionably, the plainer and more unostentatious a wedding-card, the more lady-like and becoming it will be.

No one to whom a wedding-card has not been sent ought to call upon a newly-married couple.

When the days named for seeing company arrive, remember to be punctual. Call, if possible, the first day, but neither before nor after the appointed hour. Wedding-cake and wine are handed round, of which every one partakes, and each expresses some kindly wish for the happiness of the newly-married couple.

Taking possession of their home by young people is always a joyous period. The depressing influence of a wedding breakfast, where often the hearts of many are sad, is not felt, and every one looks forward to years of prosperity and happiness.

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