A HUMOROUS RECITATION.—FRENCH DIALECT.
Shortly before the conclusion of the war with Napoleon, there were a number of French officers in an inland town on their parole of honor. Now, one gentleman being tired with the usual routine of eating, drinking, gambling, smoking, etc., therefore, in order to amuse himself otherwise, resolved to go a-fishing. His host supplied him with rod and line, but, being in want of artificial flies, he went in search of a fishing-tackle maker's shop. Having found one, kept by a plain, painstaking John Bull, our Frenchman entered, and with a bow, a cringe, and a shrug of the shoulders, thus began:—
"Ah, Monsieur Anglais! comment vous portez-vous?"
"Eh! that's French," exclaimed the shopkeeper; "not that I understand it, but I'm very well, if that's what you mean."
"Bon, bon, ver good; den, sare, I sall tell you, I vant deux fly."
"I dare say you do, mounseer," replied the Englishman, "and so do a great many more of your outlandish gentry; but I'm a true-born Briton, and can never consent to assist the enemies of my country to leave it, particularly when they cost us so much to bring them here."
"Ah, monsieur, you no comprehend! I shall repeate, I vant deux fly, on the top of de vater."
"Oh! what, you want to fly by water, do you? then I'm sure I can't assist you; for we are at least a hundred miles from the seacoast, and our canal is not navigable above ten or twelve miles from here."
"Diable! sare, you are un stup of the block. I sall tell you once seven times over again—I vant deux fly on thetop of de vater, to dingle dangle at the end of de long pole."
"Ay, ay! you only fly, mounseer, by land or water, and if they catch you, I'll be hanged if they won't dingle dangle you, as you call it, at the end of a long pole."
"Sacre un de Dieu! la blas! vat you mean by dat, enfer diable? you are un bandit jack of de ass, Johnny de Bull. Ba, ba, you are effrontee, and I disgrace me to parley vid you! I tell you, sare, dat I vant deux fly on the top of de vater, to dingle dangle at the end of the long pole, to la trap poisson."
"What's that you say, you French mounseer—you'll lay a trap to poison me and all my family, because I won't assist you to escape? why, the like was never heard. Here, Betty, go for the constable."
The constable soon arrived, who happened to be as ignorant as the shopkeeper; and of course, it was not expected that a constable should be a scholar. Thus the man of office began:—
"What's all this? Betty has been telling me that this here outlandish Frenchman is going to poison you and all your family! Ay, ay, I should like to catch him at it, that's all! Come, come to prison, you delinquent."
"No, sare, I sall not go to de prison; take me before de what you call it—de ting that nibble de grass?"
"Nibble grass? You mean sheep?"
"No, I mean de—de"—
"Oh, you mean the cow!"
"No, sare, not de cow; you stup Johnny bœuf—I mean de cheval, vat you ride. [Imitating.] Come, sare, gee up. Ah, ha!"
"Oh, now I know! you mean a horse."
"No, sare, I mean de horse's vife."
"What, the mare?"
"Oui, bon, yes, sare; take me to de mayor."
This request was complied with; and the French officer soon stood before the English magistrate, who, by chance, happened to be better informed than his neighbors, and thus explained the dilemma of the unfortunate Frenchman, to the satisfaction of all parties:—
"You have mistaken the intention of this honest gentleman: he did not want to fly the country, but to go a-fishing, and for that purpose went to your shop to purchasetwo flies, by way of bait, or, as he expressed it, to la trap la poisson. Poisson, in French, is fish."
"Why, ay," replied the shopkeeper, "that may be true, you are a scholard, and so you know better than I. Poison: in French, may be very good fish, but give me good old English roast beef."