1816. 1mo. 4.--A new year has commenced, but the old afflictions are still continued, both inwardly and outwardly; for even in temporal affairs disappointments rage high. But O what a privilege to sink down to the anchor-hope of divine support! This is what I can feelingly acknowledge this evening to be as a brook by the way to refresh my poor and long-distressed mind. O, how ardently do I desire that this season of adversity may be sanctified to me for everlasting good, and prove the means of slaying that will in me, which has too long been opposed to the will of Him who paid the ransom for my soul with nothing less than the price of his own precious blood.
The difficulty of making his way in the commercial world increased until the risk of "failure began to stare him in the face." The fear of such a result sank him exceedingly low; but through all he was permitted to keep his footing upon the rock, and to behold a spiritual blessing under the guise of temporal adversity.
7th.--Surely it is a mark of divine favor to feel the supporting hand of my heavenly Father underneath, to bear up my drooping spirits in this time of adversity. I think I was never more sensible of his powerful arm being made bare for my deliverance; and yet, unaccountable to tell, I am almost afraid to trust in him. O, my soul, wherefore dost thou doubt, when thou feelest the glorious presence of thy Redeemer's countenance to shine upon thee?
In the meeting this morning, he continues, my mind was profitably exercised in contemplating the following subject. When our dear Lord was about to perform the miracle of feeding the multitude, he commanded them to sit down upon the grass. They were undoubtedly hungry, and this might create in them too great an anxiety to be satisfied in their own time; but that all things might be done in order, and without interruption, they were commanded to sit down and wait the disposal of their food from the bountiful hand of their great Master. In looking at the subject, I thought it a lively representation of the state of mind we ought to labor after, when favored to feel hunger and thirst after righteousness; not frustrating the design of the Most High by being too anxious to be filled in our own will and way, but patiently waiting the time of Him who giveth to all their meat in due season, and that which is most convenient for them. And what greater privilege could we desire than to be fed at the Lord's table?
9th.--As my precious wife and I were consoling each other this evening, she remarked that the dispensation we were now suffering under was probably in answer to our prayers. This brought strikingly to my remembrance a secret petition which I have frequently put up in the most fervent manner I have been capable of, when deeply lamenting my unsubjected will; I have even cried out aloud, "O make me willing; do, Lord, make me willing, make me willing!"
O then may I submit to the means, if for this end they are appointed, and resign my all, body, soul and spirit, into the hands of Him who gave them; and may I patiently endure the swelling of Jordan in a manner that will enable me to bring from the bottom, stones of everlasting memorial.
After this he was led for a while by the Good Shepherd into the green pastures and beside the still waters.
1st mo. 15.--Our Monthly Meeting at Wakefield, and a heavenly meeting it was.
29th.--I left home for a journey into the north on business. I had many precious seasons of retirement as I rode along, and I humbly trust my soul has been enabled to cultivate a more intimate acquaintance with her Beloved, in such a way as will not easily be erased from my remembrance.
Notwithstanding the deep and varied experience he had passed through, his unwillingness to expose himself as a preacher of the gospel was still strong, and sometimes obstructed the performance of his duty.
8mo. 20.--Joseph Wood had a public meeting at Pilley. I felt something on my spirit to communicate to the people in the early part, but thinking the meeting was not sufficiently settled to receive it, I reasoned away the right time; another did not offer during the whole meeting for me to relieve my poor mind, so I brought my burden home with me, which indeed proved such as I really thought I should have sunk under.
The "severe stripes," as he terms it, which he received on this occasion at length produced a willing mind.
9mo. 10.--I went with my dear wife to attend the burial of my cousin Joseph Watts at Woodhouse, and was at the meeting there on Fourth-day the 11th. It was largely attended by relations and friends. I felt so sensibly the danger that some present were in of trifling away the reproofs of conviction, that I could not forbear reviving the language which was proclaimed to the Prophet Jonah, when he had fled from the presence of the Lord and was fallen asleep in the ship, "What meanest thou, O sleeper, arise, call upon thy God." After commenting a little on the subject, I sat down under great solemnity which seemed to cover the meeting, and I can thankfully say the fruit of obedience was sweet to my taste.
12mo. 1.--Went to meeting this morning with a fearful apprehension lest I should have to expose myself in that which is so contrary to my natural inclination. And so it proved; for I had not sat long, before I was made willing to express what rested weightily on my mind, and that was the case of Gideon, when the angel appeared to him under the oak as he threshed wheat. I commented a little on the subject, which afforded me great satisfaction and joy.
In the following entry, notwithstanding the tardy obedience which it records, we find his commission as one of the Lord's watchmen sealed upon his mind.
1817. 4mo. 7. In meeting yesterday morning I was enabled publicly to relieve myself of a little matter which had been a burden on my mind for two or three meetings past, in which I had felt pretty smartly the rod which, is held over the head of the disobedient. In this instance, human nature seemed stubborn in a double degree, but after it was over I felt my peace flow as a river. Methinks I now hear this language proclaimed in the secret of my heart: I have made thee a watchman unto the house of Israel; therefore hear the word at my mouth, and give them warning from me. O what an important charge! May I duly consider the weight of it, and so watch over my own conduct, in thought, word and action, that I may not be pulling down with one hand that which I may be endeavoring to build up with the other. If I am to be an instrument in the hand of the Almighty, may he graciously condescend to prepare and sharpen the arrows he may see meet to shoot through the medium of his poor servant, so that they may sink deep, wound the hypocrite, and comfort the pure divine life in the hearts of his children.
A few weeks after this, John Yeardley attended a remarkable meeting held by Joseph Wood, in which they were made to sit in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.
4mo. 29.--I attended another public meeting appointed by J.W. at Middletown, about ten miles from here. When I entered the town I felt very flat, and was ready to say, The fear of the Lord is not in this place; but after the meeting was gathered, I soon found what poor creatures we are, to judge of these things without waiting for best direction; for I think it was the most extraordinary time I ever knew. My friend bore a long and powerful testimony, to the tendering of many present. If I ever forget it while in my natural senses, I fear I shall be near losing my habitation the truth; for it was as if heaven opened, and the Most High poured down his blessed Spirit in an unbounded degree.
All this time his business affairs went on more and more adversely; and although he never failed punctually to meet all his money engagements, his want of success led in this year to a change of residence to Bentham.
Three months before he left Barnsley he writes:--
"Surely there is a vein for the silver, and a place for gold where they fine it." Pecuniary difficulties seem as if they would eat up every green thing; but I hope and trust that He who has often said, Peace, be still, will so regulate the heat of the furnace that I may be able to bear it with becoming patience, until there be nothing left in me but what resembles the pure gold fit for the Master's use. When I reflect on what my poor mind has passed through for more than two years past, I am convinced nothing short of that Arm which brought the Israelites through the Red Sea could have supported me. And O, should he ever loose my hands, that I may serve Him freely, may I never forget the many covenants made with Him who has so often heard and answered my prayer when in deep distress!
Through the assistance of some of his Barnsley friends, an offer was made to him of a situation in a flax-spinning mill at Bentham, which was then or had lately been the property of Charles Parker, a minister in the Society of Friends. He accepted the offer; and an extract from a letter to his wife, when on a journey, will show the motives under which he acted in this important step.
Hawkshead, 6 mo. 28, 1817.
MY VERY PRECIOUS DEAR,
When I wrote thee last, my time and feelings would not permit me to say much on our impending prospect of leaving Barnsley; but since then this very important subject has obtained my most serious and weighty consideration, and I am now free to communicate to thee my feelings, in order that thou mayest weigh them duly and compare them with thy own while we are separated. In the first place, in taking such a step, we must be reconciled to sacrifice our present comfortable home, our relations and friends--in short, all that may seem near and dear to us as to the outward. With respect to our spiritual prospect, I must confess, if any service is designed for me in the Church militant, I have sometimes apprehended it might be within the compass of our present Particular and Monthly Meetings; but should this be ordered otherwise in best wisdom, I trust I shall be relieved from the oppressive feeling, and in a short time see my way clear. On the other hand, if this change takes place, we have a probability of a comfortable living, and of being relieved from the extreme anxiety attendant on trade, when the whole responsibility rests on our own shoulders.
H.R. [one of the firm who had offered to employ him] seemed rather desirous for me to come. If we should agree, he wants me to go over directly to lay down plans for a few weavers' houses, and to make other arrangements to save time until we could remove.
I don't much like the situation of the house in the town, but I think another might be had if required. They have a nice one in Low Bentham, with a good garden attached, which would be at liberty in next Fifth Month; this would be a pleasant walk from the mill by the water-side all the way, which might be useful to my health after being confined in the warehouse, and much nearer to the meeting. It is a very small meeting indeed; there are only about two female Friends; but, should we be in the right place, the smallness of the number would not preclude our access to the divine spring.
I don't know how we shall come on with the thread trade, but it seems as if we were to be done out with both thread and linens, for there is scarcely any thing selling with me on this journey.
John Yeardley and his wife removed to Bentham in the Eighth Month, 1817. Bentham is a considerable village on the north-west border of Yorkshire, a few miles from the foot of Ingleborough; and it was at that time, according to the division of the county adopted by the Society of Friends, comprised in the Monthly Meeting of Settle.
After a season of deep spiritual poverty, during which he found no place for the exercise of his gift, John Yeardley began to speak in ministry in the little meeting to which he now belonged. On recording the circumstance he remarks:--
Thus does a gracious Father lead on his children step by step, baptizing them first into one state and then into another, in order to qualify them to drop a word in season for the comfort of others. Little did I think under the recent buffetings of the Enemy, that I should ever have had to open my mouth again in the way of declaring the everlasting goodness of a gracious Redeemer.
This memorandum was made a few days after the occurrence to which it refers, on his return from Settle Monthly Meeting, and is accompanied the record of a fresh unfolding to his mental eye of the need of gospel laborers, and of his own vocation to the work. In my return I had rather an unusual opening into the state of society, and the great want of laborers therein; and querying with myself, By whom shall the Lord send? I thought I felt the weight and power of the everlasting gospel upon me to preach, so that I was willing to say, Here am I; send me. O the importance of this language! May the same Spirit, which I trust raised it in my heart preserve me in every state to the end of time! Amen.
The extract which follows treats of the same subject,--the calling and exercise of the ministry. From this, and from the whole tenor of what has been extracted from the Diary, will be seen in what his ministry consisted, and what was the call and the power which was required in every successive exercise of it. May it serve as a word of caution and instruction to such as are disposed to reduce this heavenly gift to a mere effort of Christian good-will, or to consider the exercise of it as placed, whether in regard to time or subject, at the disposal of the minister. It will be observed how John Yeardley, in after life so abundant in word and doctrine, and so catholic in his ideas and sympathies, received his vocation as a divine gift immediately from above, and served in it an apprenticeship altogether spiritual, and apart from human learning or instruction.
10mo. 26.--I have been very much instructed to-day in reading and reflecting on the 37th chapter of Ezekiel. When the prophet was asked if the dry bones could live, he was wise enough cautiously to answer, "O Lord God, thou knowest;" but when he was commanded to prophesy unto them, and say, "O ye dry bones, hear the word of the Lord," this was hard work, yet there was no conferring with flesh and blood. No reasoning from probabilities, nothing but an implicit faith and dependence on the divine power which was then upon him, could have enabled him to do it. O what an instructive lesson! When the poor instruments may feel so weak and the state of things so low, that there may not be the least probability of good arising, it is enough if they can only do the will of their great Master, and be enabled to say with the holy prophet, "I prophesied as the Lord commanded."
John Yeardley did not take his actual farewell of Barnsley until the end of the year. The reflections which he has recorded on leaving his home of so many years are very characteristic of the man:--
1818. 1mo.--The Twelfth Month was spent at Barnsley in settling my affairs. Just before I left Bentham for that purpose, I was exceedingly unhappy at the idea of leaving my home, friends, &c. at Barnsley, and thought the parting feeling would be almost more than I could support. I was enabled to pray fervently to the Father of spirits, that he would be pleased to afford me strength to bear the change with Christian fortitude, and resign all to the disposal of his divine will; and thankful I am to relate, he so answered my request that I could leave the place to which I had been so long attached without a sigh. I have no doubt my removal, without consulting more of my friends, will appear strange to many. This I could never feel liberty to do; nor could I make any person living acquainted with my entire motive, but my precious wife. Whatever may be the opinion of others, this is a matter which rests between me and my God; and I often think it a favor that we are not accountable to man, who views too much the outside appearance, while He with whom we have to do looks at the heart.
After I had left Barnsley I went to Pontefract, to spend a few days with my friends there, where my poor lass had been for a week. I don't know that this time was unprofitably spent; but this I know--it never requires more care and watchfulness to be preserved in a seasonable frame of spirit than when the mind is set at ease to enjoy the company of a few intimate friends. We are too apt to get our thoughts dissipated, and thus our conversation becomes less seasoned with grace than it would be if the girdle of truth were kept tightly bound.
The next entry notices a remarkable interview which, he had with a woman Friend from America:--
15th.--This day a meeting has been held at the desire of Hannah Field from North America. I stepped down to see her at J. Stordy's; and in the few minutes we were together, before she took leave, she addressed herself to me in a very feeling manner. Although she was an entire stranger, she spoke so pointedly to my state of mind, and expressed the reward of faithfulness in such encouraging terms, that my feelings were in nowise able to resist the power which attended, but I was forced to acknowledge it as a nail fastened in a sure place.
Amongst some letters addressed by Elizabeth Yeardley to Susanna Harvey of Barnsley, is one in which mention is made of the visit of Hannah Field to Bentham; and, although the passage does not relate to the private interview described above, it is interesting as the reminiscence of a remarkable woman.
Bentham, 2mo. 2, 1818.
We have been favored lately with a visit, unexpected but highly acceptable, from that great minister, Hannah Field, from America. She very much resembles Sarah Lamley; and when she began, it seemed as if one had been informing her of the state of the meeting. Her discourse began with the parable of the Ten Virgins, which was very beautiful but awful. Addressing herself again, she was very consolatory and affecting. She is tall and inclined toembonpoint; her age fifty-three.
In the Third Month of this year, the Monthly Meeting from which he had recently removed, that of Pontefract, recorded its approval of his ministry. It is not usual for meetings to do this in the case of one who has gone to reside elsewhere. The practice at that time was, in Yorkshire at least, in issuing a certificate of removal for a Friend who had begun to exercise the ministry and was still under probation, to notice the fact of his preaching, without pronouncing a judgment upon it. But when the usual document of removal was asked for at the Monthly Meeting, on behalf of John Yeardley, the meeting paused upon the words which noticed his offerings in the ministry, and solemnly resolved then and there to give him a full certificate as a minister in unity, and to "recommend him as such to the Quarterly Meeting." It happened that men and women Friends were together, the latter remaining whilst Joseph Wood laid a concern for some religious service before the joint meeting.
John Yeardley remarks on this act of his late Monthly Meeting:--
The concurrence of my friends with my small offerings cannot but feel comfortable and encouraging to a poor timorous creature like me; but the awful consideration of ranking among the servants who speak in the Lord's name humbles me to the dust. Surely those who are designed to minister before the Lord in his holy temple ought to bear the inscription of holiness upon them. The means by which this inscription, is obtained is so painful to flesh and blood that we are always ready to shrink from the operation. When we have borne the furnace heated to a certain degree, we are ready to fancy nothing but pure gold remains; until the refining hand sees meet to administer fresh [trials], then we are ready again to cry out, If it be thy will, let this cup pass by.
In the Sixth Month he joined Joseph Wood and William Midgley of Rochdale, in visiting some neighboring meetings. Of Kendal, which was one, he says it appeared to him "as if a remarkable revival was taking place in those parts;" and he concludes his short account of the journey with an acknowledgment of the satisfaction he felt in having given up to this little service.
Joseph Wood in his diary relates the same visit more at large. We have extracted the account of that portion of it in which John Yeardley was engaged, and believe the reader will find it interesting in several respects.
1818. 6mo. 10.--Reached my beloved friend John Yeardley's house, in Bentham, about half-past eight o'clock, where we took up our quarters, and where we were favored with a renewed feeling of that love which had many times nearly united our spirits together.
On the 11th we spent this day very comfortably with these long-beloved and truly valuable friends, and in the evening Lad a public meeting appointed for Friends and people of other societies in their meeting-house in Bentham, about a mile and a half from their house. We walked thither, it being very pleasant through the fields. The meeting began at half-past six, and held two hours and a quarter. A pretty many who usually attend meetings, and a great concourse of people of other societies, attended, that the meeting-house, both above and below stairs, was well filled, and several were in the passage and in an adjoining room. A precious solemnity mercifully overshadowed us, whereby the minds of many were prepared to receive what the Lord was pleased instrumentally to communicate to the many different states; and O that they may individually profit thereby! for sure it was a time of favor unto many. I had a very long testimony to bear therein, first from Isaiah lviii. 1, 2. John Yeardley held a pretty long time next, from John ii. 4. I next, from 1 Cor. xiv. 19.
On the 12th we set out for Wray in Lancashire, five miles, John Yeardley being our guide, taking his wife and Ann Stordy along with him in a taxed cart. We had a very pleasant ride thither, down a beautiful valley, through which the river Wenning runs; had on our right hand a line view of Hornby Castle, now in part gone to decay. Got to Wray about half-past ten, and went to the meeting, which began at eleven o'clock. Twenty-three persons attended, one of whom appeared to be of another society. I sat therein for a considerable time in a very low state, and feeling a concern to stand up, I gave up, although in great weakness: different states opened and were spoken to in the authority of the gospel; and I had a long testimony to bear from Luke xv. 8. John Yeardley had a pretty long time next, from Lam. iii. 26; afterwards I was concerned in prayer, and felt truly thankful for the renewed mark of divine favor, and secretly rejoiced that my lot was cast here.
On the 13th John Yeardley accompanied Joseph Wood to Kendal.
It was with difficulty, says J.W., we got into the town for the crowd of people; the Parliament being dissolved, and a new election of members about to take place; and there being an opposition in this county; Henry Brougham, the favorite candidate of the people, against the Lonsdales. They were waiting his arrival in the town to canvass for votes. After tea I went to Thomas Wilson's; his house was nearly opposite the inn where Henry Brougham put up. When he arrived the populace took his horses from the carriage, and hurried him into the town, and to the inn, four flags flying and a band of music went before him. After he alighted he went into an upper room, and addressed the largest multitude of people that I ever saw collected, from the window, for about an hour, in a very impressive manner; and so great was the crowd in the street that many fainted. All was quiet, and, after he had done, they separated in a becoming manner.
On the 14th we attended their meetings in Kendal. The forenoon meeting began at ten o'clock. It is large, and was pretty open and satisfactory. I had a long testimony to bear therein, first, from John xv. 14. John Yeardley had a pretty long time next. He opened from these words: "O thou, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, manifest thyself that thou yet reignest in Israel." I next, from Proverbs ix. 12.
After visiting several other meetings, Joseph Wood came to Lancaster, where he was again met by John Yeardley.
On the 21st we attended both their meetings in Lancaster. The forenoon meeting began at ten o'clock. When we got there we were agreeably surprised to find dear John Yeardley, who had walked this morning fifteen miles to meet us. The meeting was large of Friends, and it proved a time of renewed visitation unto many who were afar off, and of encouragement to those who were nigh. I had a very long testimony to bear therein, from Matt. xxii. 12. John Yeardley had a short but very acceptable time next, from Esther iv. 14. Afterwards I was concerned in prayer.
Elizabeth Yeardley speaks of this visit in one of her letters:--
J.Y. went to Lancaster, though the day was unfavorable. He trudged on foot to meet Joseph Wood, and got in good time for the meeting, fifteen miles distant, and returned home the same evening. J. W. was very much favored all the time he was in those parts; he really appears endowed with astonishing powers.
The same letter affords a glimpse of the social position, which John and Elizabeth Yeardley occupied at Bentham:--
We are very quiet, have kind neighbors, a very pleasant habitation, and little society, plenty of books both of the religious and amusing kind, and leisure to meditate on the one thing needful, which is to fit us for that place to which we are fast hastening:--
"'For who the longest lease enjoyHave told us with a sigh,That to be born seems little moreThan to begin to die."
(13
th of Seventh Month
, 1818.)
John Yeardley, no less than his wife, found in Bentham a seasonable retreat from the harassing cares of the world. A memorandum made in the autumn of this year shows that the doubts with which he was perplexed on the subject of his removal from Barnsley, were entirely dispelled, and that the change in his abode and position had been the happy means of relieving him from the load of anxiety which once seemed ready to crush him.
1819. 9mo. 15.--The tender, merciful Father who shelters our heads in battle has covered mine when many things were hot upon me. He has provided a retreat for me until the fury of the oppressor be overpast. I have often wondered at the cause which drove me from my former residence, but I now begin to see pointedly the hand of Providence bringing me to this place of quiet retreat. Should He who has brought me thus far see it to be for my good to set me on the banks of deliverance, may I have no desire to live for anything but to sing his praise!
After being recognised by the Church as a minister, he was again tried with a season of spiritual desertion; and this phase in his religious history, with his reflections upon it, and the holy resolution and hope with which he concludes, may be useful in strengthening the faith of others under similar circumstances.
10mo. 4.--O what a stripping time have I had since I wrote last! My pen would fail to set forth the inward desertion I have experienced for months past, so that my poor mind is almost worn out with waiting and watching in the absence of the Bridegroom of souls. My enemy seems to have set up his throne in me, and leads my wandering thoughts captive at his pleasure. I have no weapons of my own to fight him with, and it seems as if Infinite Goodness had refused me the grant of that armor which I have before experienced the means of putting my adversary to flight. For what end this may be I know not, but the suffering time is hard to the natural part. If I am left to perish, O may it be in praying, trusting and believing in my Redeemer's love! and if I am not suffered to behold again the brightness of his glorious countenance here on earth, may I be favored with it shining on me in heaven!
At the commencement of this year, 1819, apprehending himself required to pay a religious visit to the families of Friends in Barnsley, he consulted Joseph Wood on the subject, who encouraged him "not to be afraid to pursue" the path which had been opened before him. In relation to this prospect of service, J.Y. has the following pertinent remarks on the ministry:--
2mo. 19.--If I am suffered to go, may the humble spirit of Jesus go with me, and put a word in my heart that may prove as a sword in my hand, with which I may fight his battles! This is the only way in which his servants can minister so as to reach the witness in the hearts of his children. We might speak on subjects which might seem right and fit in themselves, but it is as our hearts come to be acted upon immediately by the Spirit of truth, the same principle which prepares us to utter sound words, prepares also a counterpart in the minds of others to receive them. Thus it may be said we becomeonein spirit and truly edified together in the love of the Gospel.
In order to perform the visit, J.Y. had, in the good order in use amongst Friends, to receive the concurrence of his Monthly Meeting.
3mo. 10.--Was at the Monthly Meeting, where I mentioned to my friends my prospect of visiting Barnsley, and obtained their sympathetic concurrence, with a copy of a minute expressing their full unity and approbation.
My feelings on the occasion were very different from what I had anticipated. A divine solemnity appeared so to cover the minds of all present, that the enemy was trodden under foot, and not a fear was suffered to approach. What condescending goodness of a tender Father to his weak children!
Some interesting notice of this service, and of the journey which he made to perform it, is contained in his Diary.
13th.--The evening before I set off, I was earnestly engaged in supplicating for divine protection both inward and outward; and an assurance was given me that it should be granted, and in a manner so clear as I had no right to expect. These words were as if spoken distinctly in my outward ears: "A hair of thy head shall not be hurt." In the confidence of this promise I went forth, and found it mercifully made good; for though I was overturned in the mail on the road, a hair of my head was not hurt, and not so much as a fear was suffered to come near.
On the 18th, after visiting all the families, he attended the Week-day Meeting, where he had to review his labors, and to address the assembled Friends "nearly in these words:--In the course of my little proceedings among my friends in this place, I have sometimes been baptized for the dead, while at other times I have been made to rejoice in the resurrection of life: I hope this is a language my friends will understand." After this he preached to them on the case of Nicodemus, saying that there may be a time when our Heavenly Father, in his tender compassion for our infant state, permits us to come to Jesus by night or in secret; yet when he is pleased to say, "Arise, shine, for thy light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon thee," danger will betide us if we then flinch from an open confession. Some time after he had finished, a woman Friend rose and uttered a few words. She had never before been able to overcome the force of her natural fears.
In noticing this circumstance, J.Y. says he does so because, before he went to Barnsley, he asked that if his small services were acceptable, the Most High would give him a sign, by owning his labors with his sensible approbation, and making him an instrument to help forward his work in the hearts of his children.
On another occasion, in allusion to a similar occurrence, he has the following reflections:--
"The Jews require a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified." I am like the two former, because I dare even to ask a sign and to seek after wisdom; but to be like the latter is what I covet most sincerely--to preach Christ crucified, not only in words, but in life and conversation. If I err in sometimes asking for a sign, I trust it will be forgiven, because it is done in the simplicity of my heart, to know my Father's will, and we have examples of this having been granted to the worthies in times of old.--(12mo. 8.)
In the Twelfth Month of 1819, John Yeardley attended the Quarterly Meeting at York, and has some religious service on the way. His account of this little journey is preceded by some instructive reflections on his own infirmities and lack of ready obedience.
9mo. 15.--I feel exceedingly discouraged at my own obstinacy in not keeping more humble, watchful, and attentive to the inward monitor. I am sensible loss is sustained in a religions sense by giving way too much to an airy disposition.
12mo. 12.--When I consider the many years which have elapsed since I first enlisted under the Lord's banner, I find cause deeply to reproach myself for want of a more early and implicit obedience to thedivine will; the want of which, I fully believe, has been the means of plunging me into seas of trouble and years of perplexity. I fear the time lost will never be redeemed. O, should I ever have to warn others to beware of the rock on which I have split, surely it may be done through heartfelt experience indeed! And as the glorious light of the sun begins mercifully to verge from under the cloud, O, may I never, never forget the sacred covenant made in the days of my deep distress, that if the Lord would loosen my bonds, then would I serve him freely.
25th.--I went to Thornton to R.W.'s, and next day to Lothersdale Meeting, accompanied by D.W. and some other part of R.W.'s family. The forepart of that meeting was very trying, at which I did not wonder, if we might judge from a previous feeling; for ever since the prospect of this little visit presented to my view, I felt a load on my spirit which I could not by any means cast off. On entering the place, I thought, when our dear Lord sent forth his disciples, he commanded them to take neither purse nor scrip; and that if this state of poverty of spirit was any badge of discipleship, some of us might claim to wear it. The language of the weeping prophet came also before me--"O that my head were waters, and mine eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people." It was hard work for me, a poor stripling, to have to intimate such close things; but the conclusion was easier to the natural part, I having to address a few to whom the language seemed to go forth, of "Mary, the Master is come, and calleth for thee."
I went from thence to the Quarterly Meeting at York, which was thinly attended. The meeting for worship seemed a cloudy season; however a little matter impressed my mind which I was thankful in being enabled to get rid of, though hard to flesh and blood, it being the first time my voice has been heard in this Quarterly Meeting in ministry. The meeting for business was long and tedious, being protracted four and a half days by an appeal. It was disagreeable in its nature, but was conducted in a way to afford information and instruction to the minute observer of men, manners and things.
1820.--Our first extract from this year's diary contains a short but beautiful reflection:--
2mo. 18.--I am convinced it would be better for us to live more in the inward spirit of prayer; we should live in nearer union with the Father of love; receive more of his heavenly embraces; the heart would be prepared to know more of his holy will, and receive power to perform it.
When John Yeardley left Barnsley he commenced a correspondence with his brother Thomas, which lasted until the death of the latter, J.Y.'s letters have been preserved, and supply us with much that is valuable in his character and Christian experience. The following extract shows the power of sympathy which he possessed towards those with whom he was entirely intimate:--
4 mo. 24, 1820.
Thy affectionate letter I received with pleasure, though some parts of its contents penetrated the deepest recesses of my heart, and excited in me every tender sympathetic feeling of a brother and a friend.
I rejoice that thou hast found freedom to speak so candidly the undisguised language of thy heart; to me it seems like a voice from the dead, because I conceive it to be the voice of that awakened principle in thee which, as in many others, may have been held too long in captivity through the predominance of the surfeiting cares of the world. Whenever thou inclinest to unbosom to me thou mayest do it with freedom and in confidence, for, be assured, if thy complaints cannot meet with relief, they will at least meet with a welcome reception and a heartfelt condolence; for I could have no claim to the least of the Christian virtues, if I were destitute of a feeling regard for the sufferings of a friend, and especially a brother.
A few months afterwards he was again called upon deeply to sympathise with his brother. The occasion this time was the perplexity in matters of business in which Thomas Yeardley was involved. He expressed his feelings in a letter in which he not only gives the soundest Christian counsel, but also shows how he was himself indebted to the same maxims for the preservation of his honor and of his spiritual life and usefulness. The firm and practical manner in which the subject is treated render his remarks of permanent value.
Bentham, 8 mo. 7, 1820,
MY DEAR BROTHER,
Thy affectionate letter of the 24th I have received, and need not tell thee how sensibly I am concerned for thy present situation.
I do hope thou wilt not lose sight of the object thou hast now in view, to get relieved in some way from the excessive load of business which presses upon thee, for we can none of us carry fire in our bosoms too long without being burnt. We shall not be justified in the sight of Him with whom we have to do, if we do not endeavor to place ourselves in such a situation as will best answer the end for which he has designed us. It would convict us of a very weak and erroneous idea of a Supreme Being, to suppose that he could not or would not prosper our endeavors with equal success in a more restricted way of trade, when our motives are purely to serve him faithfully. Surely, He who cares for the sparrows will not sufferusto fall to the ground without his notice.
Thou wilt be ready to say it is an easy matter to speak of these things on paper; but believe me, my dear brother, I know a little of what I say. There was a time when I was as extensively engaged in business,according to my means, as you are now. I have had large sums of acceptances to provide for, with nothing towards them but what was in the uncertainty of the drapers' hands. When I have set out on a journey I have had to take the distressing fear along with me, that if I failed of getting in almost every shilling that was due to me, I failed in paying my acceptances. Add to this, the painful prospect of losing my property until I could not pay my just debts, and then mention a situation which would place an honest mind in a greater degree of perplexity. O! had it not been for the preserving hand of my gracious Redeemer, I had never lifted up my head above the waters which were ready to overwhelm me. In the midst of all this I received a firm conviction, that if I wound up as speedily as circumstances would admit, I should measurably be safe; but if I suffered the impression to pass away disregarded, I might be hurled along with the stream and never more be able to recover myself. It seemed as if my eye was fixed on a star which shone quite on the other side of the [waters]; and I was thus enabled to wade through, without, knowing what course to take when I got to the other side. I do not mention this as being in the whole applicable to thy case; but as a fellow Christian traveller towards the celestial city, I earnestly intreat thee, in the love of the gospel, never to consider thyself on a level, or at liberty to act in full scope, with the man of business, who thinks himself created to pursue the things of time without being responsible to his Creator for endeavoring to reach a situation in life which would enable him to prepare for eternity. Thou wilt not be long at a loss what to do if thou dost not overlook the secret motive in thy own breast. Do not grieve at losing a little of what thou hast; it will come again, if for the best, and may bring the double reward of peace. If thou attendest to that directing Hand which has hitherto preserved thee as a monument of thy Heavenly Father's mercy, thy victory is already sure, though thou mayst not know it. It is not for the test, consequently not permitted, that we should always see our way. Were this the case there would be no exercise of faith. The servant of the prophet was blind as to the power which preserved them, when he saw a host of the enemy encamped against them: he cried out, "Alas, my master, how shall we do!" But his master answered, "Fear not; for they that be with us are more than they that be with them;" and the prophet prayed that the young man might be made to see. And when his eyes were opened, what did he see? Why, he saw the mountain full of horses and chariots of fire round about them. The Lord's chosen people are continually encircled with these chariots of fire, otherwise it would not be possible to be so mercifully preserved from harm. Should it be insinuated to thee that thou art not of this chosen race, let me tell thee, we become children of the Most High as soon as he has raised in us a desire to serve him, and we become willing to abide under his protecting wing whatever changes may take place in our own feelings during the operation of his holy hand upon us.
Nothing is more important in the life of a Christian than the manner in which he turns to account the opportunities for serving his Lord which continually spring up before him.
6mo. 23.--Going last evening to Wenington, to repeat my French lesson, my friends there asked me to call with them on a sick person; feeling quite free to do so, I went with them. On sitting quietly by the bedside, a little matter came before me, which was communicated from these words: "Affliction cometh not forth of the dust."
On my return home, I could not but reflect on the necessity of having our bow strung, and being always alive to the interest of souls, and endeavoring to imitate the example of our great Master, whose whole life was employed in continually going up and down doing good.
CHAPTER III.
FROM HIS COMMISSION TO RESIDE ABROAD IN 1820 TO HIS REMOVAL TO GERMANY IN 1822.
In 1822 John Yeardley went to reside in Germany. As his residence abroad constituted one of the most remarkable turns in his life, and exercised a powerful influence on the rest of his career, we shall develop as fully as we are able the motives by which he was induced to leave his native country. By means of his Diary we can trace the early appearance and growth, if not the origin, of the strong Christian sympathy he ever afterwards manifested with seeking souls in the nations on the continent of Europe, and especially amongst the German people.
The first hint concerning his desire to go abroad is contained in the account of a dream, under date of the 2nd of the Ninth Month, 1818, regarding which he felt much disappointed, because he could not recollect the names of the places in Germany about which he had in his dream been interested. The next year (the 19th of the Fifth Month) he had a second dream on the same subject, in which he supposed his friend Joseph Wood was about to go on a religious mission to the Continent, and he brought out his Atlas to find the places for him. On being asked if he meant to accompany him, he said he "was not prepared to answer at present." In the relation of a third dream, which he had the next year (the 25th of the Eighth Month, 1820), the locality to which his mind was attracted is first indicated. "Pyrmont and Minden," he says, "rested very closely with me, and to them I felt bound."
It might not have been worth while to have made allusion to these dreams, which ought perhaps to be rather as the continuation or echo of his thoughts than as their original source, but for the deep importance which John Yeardley himself attached to them. He considered that by them was first made known to him the divine will respecting his future course; and that his longing desire to recover the name of the forgotten locality of the first dream was answered in the last. It can admit of little doubt that the same conviction of their more than common significance, which led him to cherish as sacred the remembrance of these night-visions, helped to form and sustain his resolution in carrying out the project with which he connected them.
Just before the occurrence of the last dream, his faith in the heavenly source of the invitation which, whether waking or sleeping, he had received, to go over and help his Christian brethren on the Continent, was confirmed by a prophetic message from John Kirkham, who, in the course of his religious travels, again visited Yorkshire.
8mo.--Our dear friend, John Kirkham, from Earl's Colne, Essex, slept at our house on Second-day, the 7th, and had a meeting with our few on Third-day. How wonderfully was he enlarged; and I could not but admire how he was favored to speak to the states of some present. I could set my seal to every word he uttered, and say, This is the very truth. Before he left us he had a select opportunity in our family, and said a great deal stout being faithful to our own vision. He seemed to answer a question in my mind as fully as I had any right to expect; for I had almost asked it as a sign that if I were not deceived in my vision he should be led to speak on the subject. He said emphatically, "We cannot be faithful to the vision of another man, we do not know it except it be revealed to us; but we must be FAITHFUL TO OUR OWN VISION."
On the 9th I accompanied him to the Monthly Meeting at Settle, and I once more desired that, if my feeling in former times had not deceived me, this servant of the Lord might be led to speak on the same subject; and indeed he scarcely said anything else but what had the strongest bearing on my request. What encouraging favors do I receive at the hands of so good a Master!
A few months later we find the charge to foreign labor renewed, with intimation of the wide field in which he would have to work; an intimation which was amply verified in his future travels.
11mo. 26.--At meeting something involuntarily entered my mind like this, I will make thee a preacher of righteousness to many nations. I felt not only a desire to be made willing to be sent, but also a desire to be prepared.
A few days after noting this impression he thus communes with himself on this topic, which now began to absorb the greater portion of his thoughts.
12mo. 3,First-day.--As I walked alone to the meeting this morning, I thought within myself, What can be the cause that I so often feel drawn in spirit towards the land of ----? My thoughts have now for a long time past so frequently and so involuntarily revolved on the subject that I begin to be very jealous over them, and to query whether it is the workings of self-imaginations. If this is the case, O that I may be relieved from them. But however unaccountable my feelings may be, a secret love towards some unknown souls in ---- is so strong at times, that if I had wings I should for my own inward peace visit them in body as I now do in spirit. It seems as if my spiritual eye saw in those parts what we may call a seed (the seed of the kingdom sown in the heart) that wants to take root downwards and spring upwards, but which is almost choked with the tares of superstition. Are there not scattered up and down in ----, many whose souls are verging from under the clouds of thick darkness, and from under the bonds of idolatrous superstition, towards that glorious liberty which is brought to light by the gospel? Something in me secretly craves an opportunity to tell those precious creatures that the time appears near at hand when this glorious gospel light will shine so clearly that they will discover a Saviour in the secret of their own hearts; and it is to him (I could tell them) that they must look for the perfection of their salvation. Should there be anything of the right savor in my heart concerning this matter, I humbly hope that in due time it will be brought to maturity, and my way made plain and easy--plain, so that I cannot possibly mistake the pointing hand of divine wisdom, andeasy, so that when I hear the command I may be enabled to obey.
A very instructive time at meeting. The subject abovementioned glanced in my view, and with it the Dover-failing objection, If I am at all "apt to-teach," can it or will it be required of me to leave those here and others in this land who have need of instruction? This objection was immediately answered in a way which I never before experienced. They have, besides many teachers, the unerring light of Jesus in their own hearts unto which they know they ought alone to look for direction. And if they neglect or overlook the means in themselves, it is not in my power, a poor instrument, to do them any good. So it may be said of others to whom I may apprehend myself called. It all revolves on this single and important point,--What is thedivine willconcerning me? If I can only know this and am enabled to do it, all will be well.
In the Autumn he attended Liverpool Quarterly Meeting, an occasion which was one of the most memorable seasons of his life. His narrative of it is very characteristic:--
9mo. 19.--My dear wife and I left home to attend Liverpool Quarterly Meeting. Through mercy we arrived safe there, but I, as usual when from home, felt very low and poor in spirit, and was ready to call in question my coming to the place. For although I received, as I thought, a proper signal before I left home, yet one or two circumstances occurred to discourage me from going, which I pressed through with some firmness; however, such was my uneasiness the first night in Liverpool, that I was very desirous, if my being there was in right wisdom, something might turn up to convince me that I had not done wrong in leaving home. And blessed be the name of Jesus, I had not been long in the first meeting (their Monthly Meeting the day before the Quarterly,) before I was perfectly satisfied. There were present Willett Hicks and Huldah Sears from America, and Mary Watson from Ireland. In the early part of the meeting my mind was engaged in meditating on--"God will enlarge Japhet and dwell in the tents of Shem," and so it proved. The silence was broken by W. Hicks with these words: "Great men are not always wise, neither do the ancients understand wisdom." Others present were much favored, and the meeting ended in heavenly harmony.
After it was over I found to my surprise and joy, my brother and sister from Barnsley, whom I had expected to come to Bentham to accompany us to Liverpool, and their not coming to Bentham first was one of the causes which had discouraged me in leaving home; for I once had concluded, in my wavering, to leave my going for their determination, thinking if they came it would be the means of getting me off, if not, I should give it up; but it so fell out that they took the nearest way to meet us there, without writing us word, and it would have been a great disappointment had I not been there. I should not have written so much about a seeming trifle but to show the necessity of firmness in doing what is pointed out, unless some reasonable cause prevents.
Now to the opening of the Quarterly Meeting for worship, which was like the day of Pentecost, when the place was filled with a rushing mighty wind from heaven. The first stream of ministry flowed again through W.H., who appeared from these words: "In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me and drink." It was indeed applicable; for all seemed athirst, and were invited and admitted to drink of the waters of life freely; those who were afar off drew nigh, and those who were near were enabled to acknowledge the might of Him who had called them to his footstool, and crowned them with his presence. Huldah Sears and Mary Watson were also much favored in testimony. What opened on my mind to express was this: "God speaketh once, yea, twice; yet man perceiveth it not." I thought we were bound to acknowledge that our God still reigned in Israel, and was condescending to speak to his people. Immediately afterwards M.R. appeared a long time in supplication, and then H.S. both very powerfully; so that goodness seemed to rise higher and higher, until we swam in divine life. This blessed, heavenly meeting will be remembered by some to the latest period of time.
After this event John Yeardley speaks of being favored with more enlargement of love towards the members of his small meeting; and also of having, when attending a public meeting at Wray with Joseph Wood, to kneel down in prayer for the congregation.
10mo. 20.--To my humbling admiration, he writes, I had in the conclusion to kneel down and call on the name of the holy and high God of the whole earth, that he would be pleased to continue the blessing which he had already condescended to pour down on our heads. This is a most awful act of worship: I trust the intimation to it was attended with proper weightiness of spirit.
This meeting was a remarkable season, and is thus described in Joseph Wood's journal:--
Bentham, 10mo. 20.--We [J.W. and James Harrison] set out for Wray, our beloved friend John Yeardley being our guide. We called by the way at Thomas Barrow's, of Wenington Hall, and drank tea; then proceeded to Wray. There were but few Friends here, but they have a very large ancient meeting-house, and my concern being principally towards the inhabitants, and proper information thereof being given, abundance attended; the meeting-house both above and below stairs was pretty well filled; and their behavior was deserving of commendation. The Lord's presence eminently crowned the assembly, and the truths of the gospel were largely and livingly declared amongst them, and it was a time of extraordinary favor to many. I had first a long testimony to bear therein, from Luke iv. 41. A pretty long time of silence then ensued, and great was the solemnity which appeared to cover the assembly. After which John Yeardley stood up and said, Some were ready to say there was no worship without words, but from the precious solemnity which he believed had covered many minds since the former communication, he was ready to conclude many were feelingly convinced to the contrary. He was then pretty largely led forth in opening the advantage of silently waiting upon God. I a pretty long time next, from Isaiah liv. 11,13. James Harrison next, from Matt. xiii. 44. John Yeardley was next concerned in prayer. The meeting held about two hours and a half.
21st.--About the middle of the day my companion (J.H.) called upon me, and betwixt twelve and one o'clock we left here for Lancaster, Thomas Barrow being our guide, and his wife, Charlotte Russell, and Emma Hodgson, accompanying us. Emma Hodgson is the daughter of a clergyman of Rochdale: she had been some time on a visit at Thomas Barrow's and went with the family to the meeting at Bentham when we were there, and was much reached and tendered therein; and attending the meeting at Wray last evening she declared after her return that she was fully convinced of the truth.
Returning to John Yeardley's diary for this year, we find some passages from which profitable instruction may be gathered.
11mo.8 was the Monthly Meeting at Settle; my dear love and I both attended. To me it was a poor low season; if there were any good, I was too much like the heath in the desert,--I knew not when it came. In addition to this, it felt as if I had to mourn over the barren state of some others. O, how I dread the state of a lukewarm Quaker! May I ever be preserved from this sorrowful state of a lukewarm Quaker! I believe it is often the means of bringing a damp over our solemn assemblies.
12mo.7.--Query.What is the most likely means for me to adopt to approach nearer to holiness?Answer.To spend more time in retirement silently to wait upon God. The more conversant I am with him, the more I shall know of his will and receive power to do the same. To do the will of the Almighty is the way to perfect holiness. The nearer acquaintance we cultivate with him, the stronger will become the ties of his affection. The more devoted we are to him, the more confidence will he repose in us.
Catching then a glimpse of the glorious calling of the Gospel minister, he breaks forth in the following strain:--
If I am ambitious in anything on earth, it is to be eminently useful in His cause. I can say with the wise man, I ask neither riches nor honor, except the honor which cometh from doing the will of God; but I do ask for "an understanding heart." I trust I can say in the deepest sincerity that I could renounce, if they were in my power, the riches and honor of ten thousand earthly worlds in purchase of a double portion of that holy unction which rested on Elisha's spirit. These are bold sayings, but my Saviour tells me that as there is no limitation to his goodness to grant, so there is no limitation in asking of him for the gift of his Holy Spirit. But then what manner of man ought this to be on whom shall be conferred such great honor! Surely it must be left to Himself to prepare the vessel before he pours in the oil.
We have already made an extract from the diary of the 3rd of the Twelfth Month in connection with John Yeardley's call to visit Germany. The same diary supplies us with the description of a spiritual opening for the benefit of others with which he was favored in the same meeting.
In my minute for First-day last I mentioned its being an instructive meeting to me. Towards the conclusion a simile of this kind arose and spread before my view: As wax when melted by the fire or the candle is then only capable of receiving the impression of the stamp put upon it, so also are our minds only capable of receiving impressions of divine good when our spirits are melted and contrited before the Lord. As these seasons are not at our command, it appeared to me to be of the highest importance for us to endeavor to preserve and improve them as the best means of testifying our gratitude to the great Donor. The impression which the above contemplation made on my spirit proved like a morsel of bread to my soul, which I found I could not conceal, though I struggled hard to eat it alone, it seeming so insignificant to hand to others; but at length I gave up, and felt it to be a time wherein some among the few present were melted as wax before the fire, and had a portion of divine goodness afresh imprinted on their minds; and my spirit craved that they might not prove as "the morning cloud and as the early dew that goeth away."
On the 7th of the Twelfth Month Elizabeth Yeardley was suddenly prostrated by an alarming attack of illness, from which, however, she soon rallied, though she never entirely regained her previous state of health. Possibly her husband alludes to this afflictive occurrence in the following memorandum:--
12mo. 10.--How varied is our passing along in this vale of tears! First-day last was a day of brightness, and this day has been one of comparative death and darkness. I have been made to know something of the saying recorded by the prophet,--"Who is among you that feareth the Lord," &c., "that walketh in darkness and hath no light." This has appeared to be my portion this day, and I find it hard work to "trust in the name of the Lord and stay upon my God."
Some further remarks in his diary for this day turn upon the subject of the ministry, and the passage he quotes shows how deep and heart-searching is the work of preparation for an enlarged and effectual gospel ministry, whatever be the denomination among men to which the preacher belongs:--
In the course of reading the life of Mary Fletcher I find much deep instruction and encouragement. Many of her remarks have proved like a goad to spur me on in the way of holiness. An extract made by her from Dr. Doddridge's life aptly speaks the language of my heart, when in my silent breathing to the Almighty I am led to crave an enlargement of my gift in spiritual things:--
"There must be an enlargement of soul before any remarkable success on others; and a great diligence in prayer and strict watchfulness over my own soul previous to any remarkable and habitual enlargement in my ministry; and deep humiliation must precede both."
1821.--The first entry in the diary of this year turns upon the ever-present subject of his going abroad, and is penned under feelings of the deepest solemnity. It is followed the next day by another on the great duty of self-examination.
1mo. 2. This day I have felt singularly impressed with a desire to be more devoted to my Maker. I believe it is his will that I should be more given up to serve him; and if spared with life and strength, my few remaining days must be spent in his cause. A presentiment of this kind has for some time past prevailed with me; and from the calm, awful, and weighty manner in which it is at times brought over my spirit, I am induced to think it cannot be the mere phantom of the imagination. The prospect of a temporary residence on the ---- seems rather to increase than otherwise. How it may terminate, or the time when to move, is yet uncertain to me. O, how the prospect humbles me! I trust I can, in some degree say, with the good old patriarch, that his God shall be my God, and if He will only give me bread to eat and raiment to put on, I desire to serve him.
1mo. 3.--This day I am thirty-five years old. Whether I may be spared as many more, or whether I may only survive as many months, weeks, days or hours, as I have now lived years, is altogether in the breast of Him who has hitherto preserved me as a monument of his mercy. How awful the consideration! To think that we may be called to give an account at any hour of the day, and not frequently to examine the state of affairs between us and our God, is complete infatuation. Strange as it may seem, as it regards myself I stand condemned. I am sensible sufficient attention is not paid to the important work of self-examination. O that this fresh year may produce fresh vigilance!
In the Second Month, Ann Jones, accompanied by her husband and Isabel Richardson, visited Bentham on a religious mission. Ann Jones had much service, both in public and private. What she had to declare to John Yeardley in particular was very remarkable, and reminded him of the discourse of Sarah Lamley in 1814. He says;--
She said a good deal which so struck home to my feelings, that I have not been so deeply reached in the same manner since dear Sarah Lamley visited families at Barnsley. (Letter to his brother.)
In the Third Month he found it to be his duty to attend some meetings of Friends in going and returning from the Quarterly Meeting at Leeds. In his diary of the 14th of the Third Month he speaks of making the necessary application to the Monthly Meeting for its sanction, and, in that and some succeeding entries, records his feelings on the occasion, and the help which he received by the way.
This was new work to me; how I was humbled before I could be made willing to mention my concern to my friends! which was done in such a faltering manner that I believe many sympathized with me. When I had received the meeting's approbation, I was thoughtful how I should get most conveniently on my way. After our meeting I received a letter from dear S.S., saying that he had felt a prayer raised in his heart, that I might be helped in my undertaking by Him from whom best help comes, and that he was most easy to propose accompanying me on my way in his gig. A very agreeable companion he proved to be, and for this little act of dedication he shall not lose his reward.
I left home on First day, the 25th, for Newton, over the Fells. There fell much rain the day before, which swelled the waters so that my wife and I became very thoughtful how I should get over the river to Newton, over which there is no bridge. I thought that should I be favored to get over safe and dry I would take it as a sign for good in the journey; and so it was in mercy granted; for when I came to the water-side, I met a man on horseback who let me ride his horse over. This was in a wild part of the country, with not a house near. Simple as this may appear to some, I could not but acknowledge in it a providence for which I was thankful.
At Newton, where I expected to meet only three or four, more assembled than the larger end of the house would hold. I was met by dear D.W. from Stockton; I could not but think we looked like two poor striplings before a great army. I should have sunk under my fears, had I not been enabled to get down to that Power which can bear up above the fear of man.
In the afternoon I went to Thornton, and sat down with the family. This was a precious season, and it felt doubly so from our having been on the barren mountains, both literally and spiritually.
I went next morning, accompanied by D.W., to Lothersdale. This was also a good meeting: I had reason to believe the God whom I was endeavoring to serve had answered my prayer in sending his angel before to prepare the way; I seemed almost borne off my feet by the power of Divine love.
We dined at S.S.'s; and after dinner I could not quit the room without expressing what I felt towards him, which melted us all into tears. S.S. joined me, and we went to Skipton to be at the meeting at five o'clock. Before we came there I felt such a sense of poverty that it seemed as if my spiritual life was going to be taken from me; and even when I got to meeting, the same feeling remained, which introduced my spirit into a state of suffering not easily to be conceived. On our sitting down I felt there was something on the mind of S.S., and I feared lest, by suffering the reasoner to prevail, he should be unfaithful; but he expressed a few words which seemed as the key to the treasury.
I went that evening to Addingham, and had a meeting next morning, where I sensibly found a little strength: we seemed to sit under our own vine and fig-tree, where none could make us afraid. We lodged and dined at our kind friend J. Smith's, in whose family I had something given to me to minister.
From Addingham they went to the Quarterly Meeting at Leeds, where John Yeardley received intelligence of the sudden decease of his beloved friend Joseph Wood. J.W. had been engaged in testimony and supplication in the meeting at Highflatts on First-day morning, and was taken unwell during the evening, and died in a few hours. After the Quarterly Meeting John Yeardley went to attend the interment, and on his way had a meeting with the Friends at Barnsley.
It was, he says, a favored time, and we were humbled and instructed together. We went to Highflatts to tea; when I got to the place where the remains of my dear friend were laid, I stood silently by the coffin in tears, saying in spirit, If it be thy mantle I am designed to wear, may I receive it with humility, reverence and fear! This feeling awfully impressed my mind, because my dear friend had said more than once to me, If I have any place in the body, I bequeath it to thee. The meeting was very large and was a precious season; the occasion on which we were met seemed to give wings to our spirits to fly upwards.
This spring Elizabeth Yeardley's disorder began to assume a serious form. A short memorandum from her hand discloses in a touching manner her state, both physical and spiritual.
3mo. 29.--"Regard not distant events: this uneasiness about the future is in opposition to the grace received." This sentence from my old favorite, Fenelon, was much blest to my spirit this evening, when I had foolishly been thinking about future sufferings. O, sufficient for the day is the evil thereof. Perhaps a few rolling suns may, through the merits and mercies of my Lord, see this poor worm translated to his Paradise.
The first direct allusion to anxiety on her account which appears in her husband's diary bears date the 5th of the Fifth Month. Her debilitated state seems to have been the cause of their deferring to a future day their contemplated removal to Germany, which was otherwise to have taken place about this time.
In the summer of this year he was himself laid for some weeks upon a bed of sickness, with a complaint of the stomach. He viewed this time of suffering as profitable in assisting his resolution to undertake the religious mission to which his mind was still continually directed. In a letter to Thomas Yeardley, of the 1st of the Ninth Month, he says, "Such is my stubborn will that I am not to be effectually pleaded with, until I am brought down into the valley of Jehoshaphat, or judgment." His wife, who was too ill to leave her chamber, has a memorandum respecting her husband's illness, under date of the 29th of the Eighth Month. It seems to have been the last which her pen ever traced.
Since I wrote, my dear husband has had an awful attack; but the Lord has again been merciful in restoring him to ease once more. Yesterday (may the Lord enable us to keep covenant) we laid ourIsaacon the altar. O, to be wholly our kind, our Heavenly Master's, who cares to provide for us, for soul and body; who takes nothing from us but what he knows would harm us, and gives us a hundred-fold of that which is good in lieu.
Prior to this time John Yeardley had not confided to his brother the thought which so long had occupied his mind. In the letter just referred to he speaks of it as "an important concern which had long been the companion of his secret thoughts by day and his visions by night," and says:--