CHAPTER IX.

Captain Marpeet made his appearance at the hour appointed on the following evening, and off we started for the Kidderpore school, which, by the way, is, or was, a rather large and imposing structure, at some distance from Calcutta; mussalchees, or link boys, with blazing flambeaux, scampering ahead in good, tip-top style.

Having passed the bazaar, we turned sharply from the main road, into a pretty extensive compound or domain, and soon found ourselves before the portico of the school, amongst buggies, palankeens, and other conveyances appertaining to visitors who had preceded us. Leaving our palankeens, we entered the house, passed through several rooms, one of them devoted to refreshments, and partly filled with gay Lotharios, some few military, the rest belonging to the orders “shippy” and “cranny,”[5]and finally entered the ball-room. This we found thronged with dancers, in a blaze of light, and resounding to the merry notes of a band, which, though not exactly equal to Weippert’s, seemed, nevertheless, as a locomotive stimulus, to be quite as effective. The country-dance then flourished in its green old age, and the couples at the Kidderpore hop were flying about in great style—poussette, hands across, down the middle, and back again—evincing, in spite of the temperature, all that laudable perseverance so essential to the accomplishment of such laborious undertakings.

Marpeet, at my particular request, and to keep us in countenance, wore his uniform, though he had previously declared (considering the season) that it was a most griffinish proceeding to sport broadcloth, and decidedly against his conscience. “You griffs, however,” said he“will have your way, and we must humour you sometimes.” As for myself, in my scarlet raggie, brimstone facings, black waist-belt, and regulation sword, in my own opinion I looked quite the god of war, and was fully armed for execution.

What an era in the life of a soldier is his first appearance in regimentals, “his blushing honours thick about him!” how he then pants for love and glory; the tented field and the clash of arms! At forty or fifty, possibly, if of a thoughtful vein, his sword converted to a hoe or pen, a mighty change comes o’er him, and he thinks, perhaps, that he might have done better had he stuck to a black or a blue one. Sometimes, it is true, when warmed with a flicker of his youthful fire, like Job’s war-horse, he loves to “snuff the battle from afar,” and “saith to the trumpets, ‘ha! ha!’” But, mainly, war delights him no more, for he sees the wide-spread evils which lurk under its exciting pomp and meretricious glitter, and his heart and mind yearn towards those more ennobling pursuits and occupations, which tend to elevate his species, to give to the intellectual and moral their due ascendency, and which speak of “peace and good-will to man.”

The dancers being in motion, we did not advance, but contented ourselves with occupying a position by the door, and leisurely surveying the scene. At one end of the apartment, on chairs and benches, sat certain elderly matrons, amongst whom were the superiors of the establishment, looking complacently at the young folks, and calculating in all probability the amount of execution likely to result from the evening’s amusements.

The young ladies, however, whose sylph-like forms were gliding through the mazes of the dance, were the “orient pearls at random strung,” which principally attracted my attention. As the flush of a summer’s noon fades by insensible degrees into the ebon shades of night, so did the complexions of these charming damsels graduate from white to black. Youth, however, smiling,buxom youth, like the mantle of charity, covers a multitude of defects, or, if I may help myself to another and apter simile, possesses an alchymic power, which converts all it touches to gold. There were eyes, teeth, sportive ringlets, and graceful forms enough, in the Kidderpore ball-room, stamped with all its freshness, to atone for the darker shadings of the picture.

For the first time, indeed, though previously imbued with the common and illiberal European prejudice against black, I began to experience a wavering, and to think that dark languishing eyes and a dash of bronze imparted what is often wanted in English beauties, somewhat of soul and character to the countenance. Music, lights, the excitement of the ball-room, are, however, it must be confessed, sad deceivers, producing illusions full oft, which painfully vanish with the morning’s light. For young ladies of thirty or thereabouts (an age, though now-a-days, I am credibly informed, never attained by spinsters), the ball-room and its factitious glare have some decided advantages. By day, Cupid, the sly urchin, can only make his attacks from smiles and dimples; but by night, at a pinch, he may launch a shaft with effect even from a wrinkle.

The dance at length ceased; beaux bowed, ladies courtesied, and the throng broke into couples, and promenaded the apartment. Exhausted belles sunk into seats, whilst attentive youths fanned andpersiflaged, laughed at nothing, and studied “the agreeable.” Such was the posture of affairs, when the head of the establishment, a lady of about five-and-forty, of pleasing appearance and address, seeing we were strangers, approached, and kindly bade us welcome. There was an amiability, and at the same time a firmness and decision in her manner, a happy admixture of thesuaviterandfortiter, which showed that she was peculiarly well qualified for the arduous task she had to perform of presiding over this establishment—a sort of nunnery travestied, in which perpetual celibacy formed no part ofthe vows, and the vigils differed widely from those which “pale-eyed virgins keep” in the gloomy seclusion of the convent.

“Would you like to dance, sir?” said the lady, addressing herself to Captain Marpeet.

“No, I thank you, ma’am,” said my blunt companion; “I am a little too stiff in the joints, and my dancing days are all over.”

The fact was, that Marpeet had passed five consecutive years of his life in the jungles, where, as it frequently happens in India, he had acquired what, for want of a better term, I will call agynophobia, or woman-horror, which the occasional appearance of a spinster in those deserts wild rather tended to confirm than allay. A short residence in England had, it is true, in some degree, moderated this dread of the respectable portion of the softer sex; but still much of it remained, and he shunned with morbid aversion all situations imposing the painful necessity of whispering soft nothings and “doing the agreeable” with the ladies. The good dame of the school smiled expressively on receiving Captain Marpeet’s answer; it was a smile which said, as plain as smile could speak, “You are an odd fish, I see, and one on whom pressing would be quite thrown away.”

“Perhaps,” said she, turning to me, “you will allow me to introduce you to a partner, and if so, I shall have great pleasure in presenting you to one of our young ladies?”

I had none of Marpeet’s scruples, expressed my acknowledgments, accepted her offer, and was led full clank across the ball-room, and presented in due form to Miss Rosa Mussaleh, as an aspirant for her fair hand in the ensuing dance. Miss Rosa Mussaleh was a fine bouncing girl of eighteen, still in high blow from the effects of her recent exertions. Form unexceptionable: complexion rather tending to a delicate saffron, bespeaking plainly her Asiatic maternity.

“If not engaged, Miss Rosa,” said the school-mistress,presenting me, “Ensign Gernon” (I had previously communicated my name andrank, though there was not much danger of mistaking me for a major-general) “will be happy to dance with you.”

“I shall be ver happie; I am not engaged,” said Miss Rosa, in a singular variety of the Anglo-Saxon tongue called theCheecheelanguage (Hindustanee idiom Englished), then new to me—a dialect which constitutes a distinguishing mark of those born and bred in India, and the leading peculiarity of which consists in laying a false emphasis, particularly on such small words asto,me,and, &c. The lady of the establishment having performed herdevoir, as mistress of the ceremonies, made a courteous inclination, and withdrew, leaving us to ourselves.

As a rather precocious juvenile, I had danced with some of the fair and well-born damsels of my own land at Bath, Clifton, and elsewhere, and was, therefore, not to be daunted with the mahogany charms of Miss R. M.; so,sans cérémonie, I dashed into conversation.

“You have a great many charming young ladies here,” said I.

“Oh, yes,” said my partner, “great manie; but they are not all here;thelittle girls are gonetobed. Do you then admire our young ladie?”

This was rather a pointed question; but I replied without hesitation, “Oh, excessively; there appear to be some lovely creatures amongst them, and (giving a flourish) with charms enough to move the soul of an anchorite.”

“Oh,” said Miss Rosa, with a smile and downward look, wishing to be complimentary, “I think dey are more fond of the military.”

I was on the point of emitting that expressive note of astonishment—whew!but checked myself.

“I think,” said I, “you rather mistook me, though I can hardly regret that which has been the cause of so flattering an admission, but I alluded to an ascetic.”

“Asiatic!” said the young lady, with some hauteur,and a toss of the head, “no native come to these ball, I assure you.”

I could not suppress an emphatic “humph!”

The fiddles now began again; I presented my arm, divested myself, though with reluctance, of my trusty Solingen blade, and took my place in the set. A tremendous long set it was, and after slaving for half an hour, I found myself at the head of it. Grundy, with a face like that of the Marquess of Granby on a sign-post, standing next to me, and streaming like the apotheosis of a river god.

“Well, how do you get on, Grundy?” said I.

“Oh, it’s cruel hot work,” said he, with a sigh, which was perfectly heart-rending.

“Hot, indeed,” I rejoined, giving sigh for sigh; “they don’t catch me dancing again in a red coat.”

If working up the dance was fatiguing, the going down it was still more so. My partner, a practised hand, skipped about without the smallest signs of fatigue, whilst I, reeking from every pore, was dragged up and down and whirled round and about till my head spun, and I thought I should have verily gone into a fit, or sunk from sheer exhaustion on the floor. I did, however, contrive to hold out till we finished the dance, five-and-twenty couples at least, when, with a staggering bow, I tendered my arm and led my partner to her seat.

“Are you fond of dancing?” said she, with the coolest assurance.

“A little of it,” said I, with a sigh, “when in practice, the set not too long, and the weather not too hot.”

A gentleman, chained, ringed, and be-broached, stout and bronzed, now came up, and engaged my partner for the next dance, chatted for some time with the air of an old acquaintance, gave a “bye-bye” sort of a nod, and passed on.

“Do you know Captain Trinkum?”

“No,” said I; “what does he belong to?”

“To theRustomjee Bomanjee,” said she.

“TheRustomjee Bomanjee,” I rejoined; “pray what regiment is that? some irregular corps, I suppose.”

This remark of mine set her off in a violent fit of laughter, of which (rather confused) I begged to know the cause.

“It’s a country ship,” screamed she, “not a regiment.” Going off again at a tangent, “Oh, now I see you are a griffin.”

Thus she balanced the anchorite account, and turned the tables. I can’t say I was sorry when he of theRustomjee Bomanjeecame smirking up, and relieved me from the raillery of Miss Rosa, who, though herself guilty of corrupting the kings English, was an arrant quiz, and not disposed to spare my griffinish blunders.

Marpeet now joined me, and after a little banter touching the style in which Miss Rosa had trotted me about, proposed an adjournment to the refreshment-room. To this I joyfully acceded, suggesting that it would be a charity to take poor Grundy with us, if his dissolution had not already taken place.

“Come, Grundy,” said Marpeet; “come along with us; we’re going to victual and refit, and would recommend the same to you, for you seem in need of it.”

Grundy assented with pleasure, and, linked arm-in-arm we entered the refreshment-room.

Here was a scene of considerable bustle; some were preparing acidulous compounds for the ladies in the ball-room; others doing the like for themselves. As we entered, a staid and exemplary young man, with his cargo of negus and cake, balancing the same with the nicety of a juggler, was making his way out, when in banged a six-foot ensign to do the bidding of his fair inamorata, and charged with her fan and gloves, and going full butt against the exemplary beau, upset both negus and cake. The ensign, a flighty fellow in every respect, made a hasty apology, and off, leaving the beau to wipe his waistcoat and repair the damages as best he might. Knots of young fellows were there, laughing, eating sandwichesor brewing negus, lounging, and clanking their swords. Native servants belonging to the visitors or the establishment were bustling about, and making themselves useful; whilst here and there, in a corner, and availing herself of the solitude of a crowd, a young lady might be seen, her back against the wall, listlessly sipping her negus, or balancing a spoon over a jelly-glass, and listening, with downward look and in mute entrancement, to some handsomemilitaire, whilst he was pouring into her attentive ear the “leprous distilment” of honied words.

Recruited and refreshed, we returned to the ball-room, and in spite of my recent resolution, I again joined the dance, which was kept up till a late hour, when my friends and I returned to my room in the fort, where, fairlydoneup, I betook myself to rest, the fiddles still sounding in my head, to dream of Miss Rosa, and all I had seen and heard; and so terminated my first ball in the East.

The Kidderpore hops, I hear, are now no more; from which I conclude that some other matrimonial plan has been devised for disposing of the young ladies, more in consonance with the refined delicacy of the age, which, though recognizing the necessity of matrimony, seems to discountenance any expedient which smacks of the slave-market.

On the following evening, Captain Marpeet, according to engagement, called in a hired buggy, to take me a drive on the Course. The Course, as is well known, is the grand resort of thebeau mondeof Calcutta, which, like a colony of owls or bats from a ruin, emerge at sundown from all parts of that extensive city, to see and to be seen, and to enjoy the coolness of the evening breeze.

Seated in his gig, Marpeet drew up before the barrack in all his glory, handling the ribbons with the peculiar and finished grace of a man who had made it his study. Great, indeed, were his pretensions in that way, and I am confident he would rather have been the leader of the four-in-hand club, than have written thePrincipiaof Newton.

In I jumped; Marpeet cracked his whip to mettle up his ticca[6]tit—an animal deficient in flesh and blood, certainly, but exhibiting an amazing deal of bone. Away we went. The evening gun had just boomed; the myriad crows of the Fort cawed querulously responsive from the trees; the bugles sounded; the drums beat; the guards at the gates, European and native, were turned out; captains and lieutenants, flushed with tiffin or a nap, swords under their arms, sauntered along to join them. The firefly here and there twinkled in the trees, and the far-off yell of the jackall proclaimed the approach of night, when away we whirled through covered ways and over thundering drawbridges, past scarp, counter-scarp, and glacis, and in a few minutes found ourselves amidst the throng of carriages and equestrians on the Course, the mass of the Government-house, with its capacious dome and lion-crowned gates, rising in front, and the vast semicircle of Chowringhee, with its aggregation of snow-white structures, stretching away far to the right.

What a singular scene here presented itself to my admiring sight! What an admixture of nations, and their several modes and peculiarities—of English turn outs and Indian piebald imitations—with strange equipages, combining European finish with the native original! Carriages and equestrians, walking, trotting, or galloping, passing and repassing!

This is the Hyde Park of the East, where, though less of splendour than in its great prototype, there was far more variety to be seen. There came the Governor-General, the viceroy of British India, open barouche and four (all dignity and gracious bows); cocked hats and feathers flying; black body-guard before and behind, in a long trot; sabres flashing, and scabbards rattling. Near, by way of antithesis, might be seen a palankeen carriage “creepy crawley,” drawn by two enormous bullocks, with monstrous dewlaps, bearing some fat old Portuguese lady, black as Erebus or Nox, to take the air, driver workinghard to rouse them to a transient hobble. There, four or five abreast, rode sundry dashing young officers, displaying themselves and their uniforms to the best advantage, “pride in their port, defiance in their eyes;” whilst near, in some open landau or barouche, the “cynosure of neighbouring eyes,” would appear the newly-arrived beauty, the belle of the season, her English roses contrasting with the reigningpalloraround, wearing a look of conscious power, and exhibiting herself to the admiring gaze of the gossiping world. Happy creature! all iscouleur de rosewith you! No thoughts of the future disturb the self-satisfied emotions of thy exulting bosom! And who is he beside her—the handsome young aide-de-camp? With easy bend he leans gracefully towards the carriage, and checks his fiery Arab. Mark how he rattles, and says his agreeable things, with all the airs of a conscious “eligible,” whilst the gratified vanity of the woman sparkles in her eyes and glows in her animated countenance. Here comes an intruder, bound for a distant bazaar—jingle, jingle, jingle! What a contrast! a native ruth or bylie, bullocks in a long trot, a pretty black damsel,

With rings on her fingers,And bells on her toes—

With rings on her fingers,

And bells on her toes—

she of childhood’s song to a nicety—peeping from behind the blinds. “Ah! turn not away those sweet eyes!” Egad, she’s off—driver twisting the tails and goading the quarters of his cattle to “keep up the steam.” There whirl past in tilbury or tandem a brace of recently-arrived writers, regular Meltonians, doing the thingsecundum artem, and determined to astonish the crowd. How knowingly, his person obliqued-quarter front, does the driver sit! With what gentlemanlyabandondoes the drivee loll back in the vehicle! These are high-spirited fellows, who drink their claret, and have never known a care, and “d——n every thing that is low!”

See, withandantemovement now advances the ponderous chariot of the great Baboo Maha Raja Spooney Persaud Mullik, the great milch-cow of the lawyers, and who gives his lac at a time from the genuine impulses of anativebenevolence; turbaned coachman; Baboo within, wrapped in cashmeres, fat, yellow, and bolt upright as the effigy on a tombstone.

Halloo, there! what’s this? A race—clear the way! There they come, hired for the evening, “two blind uns and a bolter;” heads down, ears viciously inclined. “Go it, my middies!” Look at the reefer in advance—all aback, toes in his horse’s nose, head on the crupper, tugging for bare life to make his craft steer or wear. I thought so—snap go the tiller-ropes—a man overboard—the blue-jacket rolls in the dust: he’s up again, hat rammed over his eyes—but the bolter’s off—catch him who can!

There goes, at a gee-up hobble, a shandry-dan, with two Armenians in it—highly respectable men, with queer velvet caps, and very episcopal-looking aprons—strange mixture of European and Asiatic, neither flesh nor fowl—Topee Wala or Puckree Bund.[7]They nod to two gentlemen passing in a gig, of the gimcrack order—gentlemen in white jackets and ditto hats; highlypolishedmen,i.e.in the face, which seems, indeed, to have had the benefit of a bottle of Day and Martin’s real japan blacking—who are they? Valiant Lusitanians, illustrious descendants of Albuquerque and Vasco de Gama—Messrs. Joachim de Reberero and Gomez de Souza, writers in the office of the salt and opium department. Who is this in cords, top boots, and white jacket—a dapper, well-fed little man, on a tall English horse, to which he bears about the same relative proportions that Falstaffs bread did to his sherris sack?—Ay, who?

Come, tell it, and burn ye—He is—can he help it?—a special attorney—

Come, tell it, and burn ye—

He is—can he help it?—a special attorney—

anattachéof the Supreme Court.

Such, then, is the Course of Calcutta; and such a little melodramatic sketch may give some idea of the varied objects which there meet the eye.

We drove up and down several times, and recognized not a few of our ship companions; amongst others, the little colonel, in a barouche with some ladies, whom he was evidently entertaining with a “yarn.” Darkness now came on apace. The mussalchees, or link boys, with their flaring mussauls, met their masters at turns of the roads, to light them to their several homes, and we thought it time to depart. Marpeet drove to his quarters, where he invited me to pass the evening, to which I assented. Sitting over our wine, Marpeet discussed the Course, and gave me a few bits of scandal, touching sundry ladies and gentlemen we had seen, over which I yawned, for I have ever abominated what are called private histories.

“Well,” said Marpeet, “I think I shall start for the Upper Provinces, and leave you sooner than I thought. The lads there in the old corps are very anxious to have me amongst them once more. I have a letter to-day from Tippleton—an old friend of mine, who is a real good fellow, with no nonsense about him (I hope to bring you acquainted some day)—urging my going up without delay. Let me see,” said he, feeling his pocket, “I think I have it somewhere about me. Oh, yes, here it is, and you may read it, if you like. He is rather fond, you will perceive, of the Hindoostanee zuban, and so forth, but he does not set up for a great scribe, but is what is better, a devilish honest fellow. Come governor, toss off your heel-taps, and take some more wine.”

Every language has, probably, terms which, from their superior terseness or euphony, express more fully the meanings they are intended to convey than corresponding words in another tongue; and this certainlyjustifies their adoption. But there is also a practice of using foreign phrases indiscriminately, when the native ones would do quite as well. Shortly after the last peace, novel-writers could express nothing with point and effect but in French and Italian; so in India there are a class of men, generally small wits, who interlard their conversation with Hindoostanee words and phrases; these they often sport in England, where of course they are unintelligible and out of place. Ye guardian genii! who watch over the “well of English undefiled,” whilst you admit what will purify and sweeten, prevent its unhallowed pollution from garbage thrown into it by every idle and thoughtless hand! And now for Captain Tippleton’s letter, which though rather more fully charged with Hindoostanee terms than any the writer ever met with, yet presents some likeness of a certain species of Indian epistolary style (of the slip-slop and slang-wanging order):—

Grillumabad, Aug. 18—

My dear Marpeet,

Just now taking adekh(look) at the CalcuttaKhubber(News), I saw your name amongst those of a batch of griffs andTazu wulaits(fresh Europeans), having arrived by theRottenbeam Castle. Welcome back, my dear fellow, toJohn Kumpany ka raj. I hope you will cut Calcutta, and lose no time inpuhonchowing(conveying) yourself up bydawkto join the oldpultun(battalion), in which, I am sorry to say, things have been quiteoolta poolta(topsy-turvy) since you left us. Tims has quitted the corps, as you probably know. He was a d——dpuckha(stingy) hand, and amuggra(sulky) beast into the bargain. However, I don’t think we have gained much by hisbudlee(successor), our newkummadan(commandant)—a regularbahadur(great person), whodicksour lives out withkuddum ootou(drill),dumcows(bullies) the native officers, andgallees(abuses) the Jacks (sepoys). Tomkins and I still chum together; he, asgureebandsoost(quiet and lazy) as ever, and asfond of thebrandy pawney, sends hisbhote bhote salaamto Marpeet Sahib. Station dull—notumasha(fun), as in the old times, when we were first here. The other day, however, old Dickdar, our brigadier, gave aburra khanna(dinner); hisloll(claret) was bang-up and you may be sure we did not spare thesimpkin(champagne);burra beebee(great lady) very gracious, and a great show-off of thebal butchos(children). We had the oldbajja(band), your creation and hobby, in attendance, and got up anautch. Smirks, our adjutant, quite aburra admee(great man) since he mounted thekantas(spurs), bucking up to and devilish sweet on the spinster; but it won’thoga(do); nothing under the revenue or judicial department will go down there—Samjah Sahib?—You understand me. Tip us achit, my dear fellow, by return ofdawk, and believe me,

My dear Marpeet, ever yours very truly,Jonas Tippleton.

My dear Marpeet, ever yours very truly,

Jonas Tippleton.

“Well,” said I, “as far as I can understand, it seems a very friendly sort of a letter; but I should be better able to judge if you would give me the English of it.”

Marpeet laughed, called me a critical dog, and put the letter in his pocket.

“Come,” added I, “since you have shown me your letter, I will read you mine; one I have received from my factotum, Chattermohun Ghose, accounting for his temporary absence, which, for the choiceness of its language, is quite abijouin its way. Chattermohun tells me he was for some time a writer in an adjutant’s office, as also in a merchant’s counting-house here in Calcutta, which doubtless accounts for the phraseology smacking not a little of the technical language of both those schools. Here it is:—

“‘Most respectful and honoured Sir,

“‘Greatly labouring for fearful apprehension that sudden non-appearance should dictate condemnationfrom the sensible benignity of your excellency’s reverence, and feeling in concatenation that explanation was indispensable, I have herewith the honour to inform you, that one of my family (now consisting of six children effective of various denominations) was recently solemnized in holy matrimony and adoptedly conducted according to prescribed rite and custom of native religion. This solemnization was carried into production my house in country by Boitacoolah T’hannah, wither in my patriarchal duty have repair for a few day.

“‘According to last order of your reverence, have instruct to Gopee Nauth, of China Bazaar, to disperse to your quarter goods as per margin,[8]for which he expect the favour of early remittance. I have also passed to credit of master account 16 rupees 8 annas, leaving balance my favour 256 rupees 5 annas 3 pice, as per account enclosed. Trusting from this statement of explanation your honour not think me absent without leave, I have honour to be, with deep respect and consideration,

“‘Your most obedient humble servant,“‘Chattermohun Ghose,Sircar.

“‘Your most obedient humble servant,

“‘Chattermohun Ghose,Sircar.

“‘To his Exc. Ensign Gernon, South Bks.’”

“Well,” said Marpeet, “that beats cock-fighting.”

Back to Index Next