The young man makes for the door, but sees Percival coming. He turnsand bolts into the Turkish bath, which he closes upon himself just intime to escape being caught by Percival, who runs in through thepavilion, bareheaded. He also, it appears, is in search of ahiding-place; for he stops and turns between the two tables to take asurvey of the room; then runs into the corner between the end of thesideboard and the wall. Hypatia, excited, mischievous, her eyesglowing, runs in, precisely on his trail; turns at the same spot; anddiscovers him just as he makes a dash for the pavilion door. Sheflies back and intercepts him.HYPATIA. Aha! arnt you glad Ive caught you?PERCIVAL.[illhumoredly turning away from her and coming towards thewriting table]No I'm not. Confound it, what sort of girl are you?What sort of house is this? Must I throw all good manners to thewinds?HYPATIA.[following him]Do, do, do, do, do. This is the house ofa respectable shopkeeper, enormously rich. This is the respectableshopkeeper's daughter, tired of good manners.[Slipping her lefthand into his right]Come, handsome young man, and play with therespectable shopkeeper's daughter.PERCIVAL.[withdrawing quickly from her touch]No, no: dont youknow you mustnt go on like this with a perfect stranger?HYPATIA. Dropped down from the sky. Dont you know that you mustalways go on like this when you get the chance? You must come to thetop of the hill and chase me through the bracken. You may kiss me ifyou catch me.PERCIVAL. I shall do nothing of the sort.HYPATIA. Yes you will: you cant help yourself. Come along.[Sheseizes his sleeve].Fool, fool: come along. Dont you want to?PERCIVAL. No: certainly not. I should never be forgiven if I didit.HYPATIA. Youll never forgive yourself if you dont.PERCIVAL. Nonsense. Youre engaged to Ben. Ben's my friend. What doyou take me for?HYPATIA. Ben's old. Ben was born old. Theyre all old here, exceptyou and me and the man-woman or woman-man or whatever you call herthat came with you. They never do anything: they only discusswhether what other people do is right. Come and give them somethingto discuss.PERCIVAL. I will do nothing incorrect.HYPATIA. Oh, dont be afraid, little boy: youll get nothing but akiss; and I'll fight like the devil to keep you from getting that.But we must play on the hill and race through the heather.PERCIVAL. Why?HYPATIA. Because we want to, handsome young man.PERCIVAL. But if everybody went on in this way—HYPATIA. How happy! oh how happy the world would be!PERCIVAL. But the consequences may be serious.HYPATIA. Nothing is worth doing unless the consequences may beserious. My father says so; and I'm my father's daughter.PERCIVAL. I'm the son of three fathers. I mistrust these wildimpulses.HYPATIA. Take care. Youre letting the moment slip. I feel the firstchill of the wave of prudence. Save me.PERCIVAL. Really, Miss Tarleton[she strikes him across the face]—Damn you![Recovering himself, horrified at his lapse]I begyour pardon; but since weve both forgotten ourselves, youll pleaseallow me to leave the house.[He turns towards the inner door,having left his cap in the bedroom].HYPATIA.[standing in his way]Are you ashamed of having said"Damn you" to me?PERCIVAL. I had no right to say it. I'm very much ashamed of it. Ihave already begged your pardon.HYPATIA. And youre not ashamed of having said "Really, MissTarleton."PERCIVAL. Why should I?HYPATIA. O man, man! mean, stupid, cowardly, selfish masculine maleman! You ought to have been a governess. I was expelled from schoolfor saying that the very next person that said "Really, MissTarleton," to me, I would strike her across the face. You were thenext.PERCIVAL. I had no intention of being offensive. Surely there isnothing that can wound any lady in—[He hesitates, not quiteconvinced].At least—er—I really didnt mean to be disagreeable.HYPATIA. Liar.PERCIVAL. Of course if youre going to insult me, I am quite helpless.Youre a woman: you can say what you like.HYPATIA. And you can only say what you dare. Poor wretch: it isntmuch.[He bites his lip, and sits down, very much annoyed].Really, Mr Percival! You sit down in the presence of a lady and leaveher standing.[He rises hastily].Ha, ha! Really, Mr Percival!Oh really, really, really, really, really, Mr Percival! How do youlike it? Wouldnt you rather I damned you?PERCIVAL. Miss Tarleton—HYPATIA.[caressingly]Hypatia, Joey. Patsy, if you like.PERCIVAL. Look here: this is no good. You want to do what you like?HYPATIA. Dont you?PERCIVAL. No. Ive been too well brought up. Ive argued all throughthis thing; and I tell you I'm not prepared to cast off the socialbond. It's like a corset: it's a support to the figure even if itdoes squeeze and deform it a bit. I want to be free.HYPATIA. Well, I'm tempting you to be free.PERCIVAL. Not at all. Freedom, my good girl, means being able tocount on how other people will behave. If every man who dislikes meis to throw a handful of mud in my face, and every woman who likes meis to behave like Potiphar's wife, then I shall be a slave: the slaveof uncertainty: the slave of fear: the worst of all slaveries. Howwould you like it if every laborer you met in the road were to makelove to you? No. Give me the blessed protection of a good stiffconventionality among thoroughly well-brought up ladies and gentlemen.HYPATIA. Another talker! Men like conventions because men made them.I didnt make them: I dont like them: I wont keep them. Now, whatwill you do?PERCIVAL. Bolt.[He runs out through the pavilion].HYPATIA. I'll catch you.[She dashes off in pursuit].During this conversation the head of the scandalized man in theTurkish bath has repeatedly risen from the lunette, with a strongexpression of moral shock. It vanishes abruptly as the two turntowards it in their flight. At the same moment Tarleton comes backthrough the vestibule door, exhausted by severe and unaccustomedexercise.TARLETON.[looking after the flying figures with amazement]Hallo,Patsy: whats up? Another aeroplane?[They are far too preoccupiedto hear him; and he is left staring after them as they rush awaythrough the garden. He goes to the pavilion door and looks up; butthe heavens are empty. His exhaustion disables him from furtherinquiry. He dabs his brow with his handkerchief, and walks stiffly tothe nearest convenient support, which happens to be the Turkish bath.He props himself upon it with his elbow, and covers his eyes with hishand for a moment. After a few sighing breaths, he feels a littlebetter, and uncovers his eyes. The man's head rises from the lunettea few inches from his nose. He recoils from the bath with a violentstart].Oh Lord! My brain's gone.[Calling piteously]Chickabiddy![He staggers down to the writing table].THE MAN.[coming out of the bath, pistol in hand]Another sound;and youre a dead man.TARLETON.[braced]Am I? Well, youre a live one: thats onecomfort. I thought you were a ghost.[He sits down, quiteundisturbed by the pistol]Who are you; and what the devil were youdoing in my new Turkish bath?THE MAN.[with tragic intensity]I am the son of Lucinda Titmus.TARLETON.[the name conveying nothing to him]Indeed? And how isshe? Quite well, I hope, eh?THE MAN. She is dead. Dead, my God! and youre alive.TARLETON.[unimpressed by the tragedy, but sympathetic]Oh! Lostyour mother? Thats sad. I'm sorry. But we cant all have the luck tosurvive our mothers, and be nursed out of the world by the hands thatnursed us into it.THE MAN. Much you care, damn you!TARLETON. Oh, dont cut up rough. Face it like a man. You see Ididnt know your mother; but Ive no doubt she was an excellent woman.THE MAN. Not know her! Do you dare to stand there by her open graveand deny that you knew her?TARLETON.[trying to recollect]What did you say her name was?THE MAN. Lucinda Titmus.TARLETON. Well, I ought to remember a rum name like that if I everheard it. But I dont. Have you a photograph or anything?THE MAN. Forgotten even the name of your victim!TARLETON. Oh! she was my victim, was she?THE MAN. She was. And you shall see her face again before you die,dead as she is. I have a photograph.TARLETON. Good.THE MAN. Ive two photographs.TARLETON. Still better. Treasure the mother's pictures. Good boy!THE MAN. One of them as you knew her. The other as she became whenyou flung her aside, and she withered into an old woman.TARLETON. She'd have done that anyhow, my lad. We all grow old.Look at me![Seeing that the man is embarrassed by his pistol infumbling for the photographs with his left hand in his breast pocket]Let me hold the gun for you.THE MAN.[retreating to the worktable]Stand back. Do you take mefor a fool?TARLETON. Well, youre a little upset, naturally. It does you credit.THE MAN. Look here, upon this picture and on this.[He holds outthe two photographs like a hand at cards, and points to them with thepistol].TARLETON. Good. Read Shakespear: he has a word for every occasion.[He takes the photographs, one in each hand, and looks from one tothe other, pleased and interested, but without any sign ofrecognition]What a pretty girl! Very pretty. I can imagine myselffalling in love with her when I was your age. I wasnt a bad-lookingyoung fellow myself in those days.[Looking at the other]Curiousthat we should both have gone the same way.THE MAN. You and she the same way! What do you mean?TARLETON. Both got stout, I mean.THE MAN. Would you have had her deny herself food?TARLETON. No: it wouldnt have been any use. It's constitutional.No matter how little you eat you put on flesh if youre made that way.[He resumes his study of the earlier photograph].THE MAN. Is that all the feeling that rises in you at the sight ofthe face you once knew so well?TARLETON.[too much absorbed in the portrait to heed him]Funnythat I cant remember! Let this be a lesson to you, young man. Icould go into court tomorrow and swear I never saw that face before inmy life if it wasnt for that brooch[pointing to the photograph].Have you got that brooch, by the way?[The man again resorts to hisbreast pocket].You seem to carry the whole family property in thatpocket.THE MAN.[producing a brooch]Here it is to prove my bona fides.TARLETON.[pensively putting the photographs on the table and takingthe brooch]I bought that brooch in Cheapside from a man with ayellow wig and a cast in his left eye. Ive never set eyes on him fromthat day to this. And yet I remember that man; and I cant rememberyour mother.THE MAN. Monster! Without conscience! without even memory! You lefther to her shame—TARLETON.[throwing the brooch on the table and rising pepperily]Come, come, young man! none of that. Respect the romance of yourmother's youth. Dont you start throwing stones at her. I dont recallher features just at this moment; but Ive no doubt she was kind to meand we were happy together. If you have a word to say against her,take yourself out of my house and say it elsewhere.THE MAN. What sort of a joker are you? Are you trying to put me inthe wrong, when you have to answer to me for a crime that would makeevery honest man spit at you as you passed in the street if I were tomake it known?TARLETON. You read a good deal, dont you?THE MAN. What if I do? What has that to do with your infamy and mymother's doom?TARLETON. There, you see! Doom! Thats not good sense; but it'sliterature. Now it happens that I'm a tremendous reader: always was.When I was your age I read books of that sort by the bushel: the Doomsort, you know. It's odd, isnt it, that you and I should be like oneanother in that respect? Can you account for it in any way?THE MAN. No. What are you driving at?TARLETON. Well, do you know who your father was?THE MAN. I see what you mean now. You dare set up to be my father.Thank heaven Ive not a drop of your vile blood in my veins.TARLETON.[sitting down again with a shrug]Well, if you wont becivil, theres no pleasure in talking to you, is there? What do youwant? Money?THE MAN. How dare you insult me?TARLETON. Well, what do you want?THE MAN. Justice.TARLETON. Youre quite sure thats all?THE MAN. It's enough for me.TARLETON. A modest sort of demand, isnt it? Nobody ever had it sincethe world began, fortunately for themselves; but you must have it,must you? Well, youve come to the wrong shop for it: youll get nojustice here: we dont keep it. Human nature is what we stock.THE MAN. Human nature! Debauchery! gluttony! selfishness! robbery ofthe poor! Is that what you call human nature?TARLETON. No: thats what you call it. Come, my lad! Whats thematter with you? You dont look starved; and youve a decent suit ofclothes.THE MAN. Forty-two shillings.TARLETON. They can do you a very decent suit for forty-two shillings.Have you paid for it?THE MAN. Do you take me for a thief? And do you suppose I can getcredit like you?TARLETON. Then you were able to lay your hand on forty-two shillings.Judging from your conversational style, I should think you must spendat least a shilling a week on romantic literature.THE MAN. Where would I get a shilling a week to spend on books when Ican hardly keep myself decent? I get books at the Free Library.TARLETON[springing to his feet]What!!!THE MAN.[recoiling before his vehemence]The Free Library.Theres no harm in that.TARLETON. Ingrate! I supply you with free books; and the use youmake of them is to persuade yourself that it's a fine thing to shootme.[He throws himself doggedly back into his chair].I'll nevergive another penny to a Free Library.THE MAN. Youll never give another penny to anything. This is theend: for you and me.TARLETON. Pooh! Come, come, man! talk business. Whats wrong? Areyou out of employment?THE MAN. No. This is my Saturday afternoon. Dont flatter yourselfthat I'm a loafer or a criminal. I'm a cashier; and I defy you to saythat my cash has ever been a farthing wrong. Ive a right to call youto account because my hands are clean.TARLETON. Well, call away. What have I to account for? Had you ahard time with your mother? Why didnt she ask me for money?THE MAN. She'd have died first. Besides, who wanted your money? Doyou suppose we lived in the gutter? My father maynt have been in aslarge a way as you; but he was better connected; and his shop was asrespectable as yours.TARLETON. I suppose your mother brought him a little capital.THE MAN. I dont know. Whats that got to do with you?TARLETON. Well, you say she and I knew one another and parted. Shemust have had something off me then, you know. One doesnt get out ofthese things for nothing. Hang it, young man: do you suppose Ive noheart? Of course she had her due; and she found a husband with it,and set him up in business with it, and brought you up respectably; sowhat the devil have you to complain of?THE MAN. Are women to be ruined with impunity?TARLETON. I havnt ruined any woman that I'm aware of. Ive been themaking of you and your mother.THE MAN. Oh, I'm a fool to listen to you and argue with you. I camehere to kill you and then kill myself.TARLETON. Begin with yourself, if you dont mind. Ive a good deal ofbusiness to do still before I die. Havnt you?THE MAN. No. Thats just it: Ive no business to do. Do you knowwhat my life is? I spend my days from nine to six—nine hours ofdaylight and fresh air—in a stuffy little den counting another man'smoney. Ive an intellect: a mind and a brain and a soul; and the usehe makes of them is to fix them on his tuppences and hiseighteenpences and his two pound seventeen and tenpences and see howmuch they come to at the end of the day and take care that no onesteals them. I enter and enter, and add and add, and take money andgive change, and fill cheques and stamp receipts; and not a penny ofthat money is my own: not one of those transactions has the smallestinterest for me or anyone else in the world but him; and even hecouldnt stand it if he had to do it all himself. And I'm envied:aye, envied for the variety and liveliness of my job, by the poordevil of a bookkeeper that has to copy all my entries over again.Fifty thousand entries a year that poor wretch makes; and not ten outof the fifty thousand ever has to be referred to again; and when allthe figures are counted up and the balance sheet made out, the bossisnt a penny the richer than he'd be if bookkeeping had never beeninvented. Of all the damnable waste of human life that ever wasinvented, clerking is the very worst.TARLETON. Why not join the territorials?THE MAN. Because I shouldnt be let. He hasnt even the sense to seethat it would pay him to get some cheap soldiering out of me. How cana man tied to a desk from nine to six be anything—be even a man, letalone a soldier? But I'll teach him and you a lesson. Ive had enoughof living a dog's life and despising myself for it. Ive had enough ofbeing talked down to by hogs like you, and wearing my life out for asalary that wouldnt keep you in cigars. Youll never believe that aclerk's a man until one of us makes an example of one of you.TARLETON. Despotism tempered by assassination, eh?THE MAN. Yes. Thats what they do in Russia. Well, a business officeis Russia as far as the clerks are concerned. So dont you take it socoolly. You think I'm not going to do it; but I am.TARLETON.[rising and facing him]Come, now, as man to man! It'snot my fault that youre poorer than I am; and it's not your fault thatI'm richer than you. And if you could undo all that passed between meand your mother, you wouldnt undo it; and neither would she. Butyoure sick of your slavery; and you want to be the hero of a romanceand to get into the papers. Eh? A son revenges his mother's shame.Villain weltering in his gore. Mother: look down from heaven andreceive your unhappy son's last sigh.THE MAN. Oh, rot! do you think I read novelettes? And do you supposeI believe such superstitions as heaven? I go to church because theboss told me I'd get the sack if I didnt. Free England! Ha![Linaappears at the pavilion door, and comes swiftly and noiselesslyforward on seeing the man with a pistol in his hand].TARLETON. Youre afraid of getting the sack; but youre not afraid toshoot yourself.THE MAN. Damn you! youre trying to keep me talking until somebodycomes.[He raises the pistol desperately, but not very resolutely].LINA.[at his right elbow]Somebody has come.THE MAN[turning on her]Stand off. I'll shoot you if you lay ahand on me. I will, by God.LINA. You cant cover me with that pistol. Try.He tries, presenting the pistol at her face. She moves round him inthe opposite direction to the hands of a clock with a light dancingstep. He finds it impossible to cover her with the pistol: she isalways too far to his left. Tarleton, behind him, grips his wrist anddrags his arm straight up, so that the pistol points to the ceiling.As he tries to turn on his assailant, Lina grips his other wrist.LINA. Please stop. I cant bear to twist anyone's wrist; but I mustif you dont let the pistol go.THE MAN.[letting Tarleton take it from him]All right: I'm done.Couldnt even do that job decently. Thats a clerk all over. Verywell: send for your damned police and make an end of it. I'maccustomed to prison from nine to six: I daresay I can stand it fromsix to nine as well.TARLETON. Dont swear. Thats a lady.[He throws the pistol on thewriting table].THE MAN.[looking at Lina in amazement]Beaten by a female! Itneeded only this.[He collapses in the chair near the worktable, andhides his face. They cannot help pitying him].LINA. Old pal: dont call the police. Lend him a bicycle and let himget away.THE MAN. I cant ride a bicycle. I never could afford one. I'm noteven that much good.TARLETON. If I gave you a hundred pound note now to go and have agood spree with, I wonder would you know how to set about it. Do youever take a holiday?THE MAN. Take! I got four days last August.TARLETON. What did you do?THE MAN. I did a cheap trip to Folkestone. I spent sevenpence ondropping pennies into silly automatic machines and peepshows of rowdygirls having a jolly time. I spent a penny on the lift and fourpenceon refreshments. That cleaned me out. The rest of the time I was somiserable that I was glad to get back to the office. Now you know.LINA. Come to the gymnasium: I'll teach you how to make a man ofyourself.[The man is about to rise irresolutely, from the merehabit of doing what he is told, when Tarleton stops him].TARLETON. Young man: dont. Youve tried to shoot me; but I'm notvindictive. I draw the line at putting a man on the rack. If youwant every joint in your body stretched until it's an agony tolive—until you have an unnatural feeling that all your muscles aresinging and laughing with pain—then go to the gymnasium with thatlady. But youll be more comfortable in jail.LINA.[greatly amused]Was that why you went away, old pal? Wasthat the telegram you said you had forgotten to send?Mrs Tarleton comes in hastily through the inner door.MRS TARLETON.[on the steps]Is anything the matter, John? Nursesays she heard you calling me a quarter of an hour ago; and that yourvoice sounded as if you were ill.[She comes between Tarleton andthe man.]Is anything the matter?TARLETON. This is the son of an old friend of mine. Mr—er—MrGunner.[To the man, who rises awkwardly].My wife.MRS TARLETON. Good evening to you.GUNNER. Er—[He is too nervous to speak, and makes a shamblingbow].Bentley looks in at the pavilion door, very peevish, and toopreoccupied with his own affairs to pay any attention to those of thecompany.BENTLEY. I say: has anybody seen Hypatia? She promised to come outwith me; and I cant find her anywhere. And wheres Joey?GUNNER.[suddenly breaking out aggressively, being incapable of anymiddle way between submissiveness and violence]Ican tell youwhere Hypatia is. I can tell you where Joey is. And I say it's ascandal and an infamy. If people only knew what goes on in thisso-called respectable house it would be put a stop to. These are themorals of our pious capitalist class! This is your rottenbourgeoisie! This!—MRS TARLETON. Dont you dare use such language in company. I wontallow it.TARLETON. All right, Chickabiddy: it's not bad language: it's onlySocialism.MRS TARLETON. Well, I wont have any Socialism in my house.TARLETON.[to Gunner]You hear what Mrs Tarleton says. Well, inthis house everybody does what she says or out they go.GUNNER. Do you suppose I want to stay? Do you think I would breathethis polluted atmosphere a moment longer than I could help?BENTLEY.[running forward between Lina and Gunner]But what didyou mean by what you said about Miss Tarleton and Mr Percival, youbeastly rotter, you?GUNNER.[to Tarleton]Oh! is Hypatia your daughter? And Joey isMister Percival, is he? One of your set, I suppose. One of the smartset! One of the bridge-playing, eighty-horse-power, week-ender set!One of the johnnies I slave for! Well, Joey has more decency thanyour daughter, anyhow. The women are the worst. I never believed ittil I saw it with my own eyes. Well, it wont last for ever. Thewriting is on the wall. Rome fell. Babylon fell. Hindhead's turnwill come.MRS TARLETON.[naively looking at the wall for the writing]Whatever are you talking about, young man?GUNNER. I know what I'm talking about. I went into that Turkish batha boy: I came out a man.MRS TARLETON. Good gracious! hes mad.[To Lina]Did John make himtake a Turkish bath?LINA. No. He doesnt need Turkish baths: he needs to put on a littleflesh. I dont understand what it's all about. I found him trying toshoot Mr Tarleton.MRS TARLETON.[with a scream]Oh! and John encouraging him, I'llbe bound! Bunny: you go for the police.[To Gunner]I'll teachyou to come into my house and shoot my husband.GUNNER. Teach away. I never asked to be let off. I'm ashamed to befree instead of taking my part with the rest. Women—beautiful womenof noble birth—are going to prison for their opinions. Girl studentsin Russia go to the gallows; let themselves be cut in pieces with theknout, or driven through the frozen snows of Siberia, sooner thanstand looking on tamely at the world being made a hell for the toilingmillions. If you were not all skunks and cowards youd be sufferingwith them instead of battening here on the plunder of the poor.MRS TARLETON.[much vexed]Oh, did you ever hear such sillynonsense? Bunny: go and tell the gardener to send over one of hismen to Grayshott for the police.GUNNER. I'll go with him. I intend to give myself up. I'm going toexpose what Ive seen here, no matter what the consequences may be tomy miserable self.TARLETON. Stop. You stay where you are, Ben. Chickabiddy: youvenever had the police in. If you had, youd not be in a hurry to havethem in again. Now, young man: cut the cackle; and tell us, as shortas you can, what did you see?GUNNER. I cant tell you in the presence of ladies.MRS TARLETON. Oh, you are tiresome. As if it mattered to anyone whatyou saw. Me! A married woman that might be your mother.[To Lina]And I'm sure youre not particular, if youll excuse my saying so.TARLETON. Out with it. What did you see?GUNNER. I saw your daughter with my own eyes—oh well, never mindwhat I saw.BENTLEY.[almost crying with anxiety]You beastly rotter, I'll getJoey to give you such a hiding—TARLETON. You cant leave it at that, you know. What did you see mydaughter doing?GUNNER. After all, why shouldnt she do it? The Russian students doit. Women should be as free as men. I'm a fool. I'm so full of yourbourgeois morality that I let myself be shocked by the application ofmy own revolutionary principles. If she likes the man why shouldntshe tell him so?MRS TARLETON. I do wonder at you, John, letting him talk like thisbefore everybody.[Turning rather tartly to Lina]Would you mindgoing away to the drawing-room just for a few minutes, MissChipenoska. This is a private family matter, if you dont mind.LINA. I should have gone before, Mrs Tarleton, if there had beenanyone to protect Mr Tarleton and the young gentleman.TARLETON. Youre quite right, Miss Lina: you must stand by. I couldhave tackled him this morning; but since you put me through thoseexercises I'd rather die than even shake hands with a man, much lessfight him.GUNNER. It's all of a piece here. The men effeminate, the womenunsexed—TARLETON. Dont begin again, old chap. Keep it for Trafalgar Square.HYPATIA'S VOICE OUTSIDE. No, no.[She breaks off in a stifled halflaugh, half scream, and is seen darting across the garden withPercival in hot pursuit. Immediately afterwards she appears again,and runs into the pavilion. Finding it full of people, including astranger, she stops; but Percival, flushed and reckless, rushes in andseizes her before he, too, realizes that they are not alone. Hereleases her in confusion].Dead silence. They are all afraid to look at one another except MrsTarleton, who stares sternly at Hypatia. Hypatia is the first torecover her presence of mind.HYPATIA. Excuse me rushing in like this. Mr Percival has beenchasing me down the hill.GUNNER. Who chased him up it? Dont be ashamed. Be fearless. Betruthful.TARLETON. Gunner: will you go to Paris for a fortnight? I'll payyour expenses.HYPATIA. What do you mean?GUNNER. There was a silent witness in the Turkish bath.TARLETON. I found him hiding there. Whatever went on here, he sawand heard. Thats what he means.PERCIVAL.[sternly approaching Gunner, and speaking with deep butcontained indignation]Am I to understand you as daring to putforward the monstrous and blackguardly lie that this lady behavedimproperly in my presence?GUNNER.[turning white]You know what I saw and heard.Hypatia, with a gleam of triumph in her eyes, slips noiselessly intothe swing chair, and watches Percival and Gunner, swinging slightly,but otherwise motionless.PERCIVAL. I hope it is not necessary for me to assure you all thatthere is not one word of truth—not one grain of substance—in thisrascally calumny, which no man with a spark of decent feeling wouldhave uttered even if he had been ignorant enough to believe it. MissTarleton's conduct, since I have had the honor of knowing her, hasbeen, I need hardly say, in every respect beyond reproach.[ToGunner]As for you, sir, youll have the goodness to come out with meimmediately. I have some business with you which cant be settled inMrs Tarleton's presence or in her house.GUNNER.[painfully frightened]Why should I go out with you?PERCIVAL. Because I intend that you shall.GUNNER. I wont be bullied by you.[Percival makes a threateningstep towards him].Police![He tries to bolt; but Percival seizeshim].Leave me go, will you? What right have you to lay hands onme?TARLETON. Let him run for it, Mr Percival. Hes very poor company.We shall be well rid of him. Let him go.PERCIVAL. Not until he has taken back and made the fullest apologyfor the abominable lie he has told. He shall do that or he shalldefend himself as best he can against the most thorough thrashing I'mcapable of giving him.[Releasing Gunner, but facing him ominously]Take your choice. Which is it to be?GUNNER. Give me a fair chance. Go and stick at a desk from nine tosix for a month, and let me have your grub and your sport and yourlessons in boxing, and I'll fight you fast enough. You know I'm nogood or you darent bully me like this.PERCIVAL. You should have thought of that before you attacked a ladywith a dastardly slander. I'm waiting for your decision. I'm ratherin a hurry, please.GUNNER. I never said anything against the lady.MRS TARLETON. | Oh, listen to that!|BENTLEY. | What a liar!|HYPATIA. | Oh!|TARLETON. | Oh, come!PERCIVAL. We'll have it in writing, if you dont mind.[Pointing tothe writing table]Sit down; and take that pen in your hand.[Gunner looks irresolutely a little way round; then obeys].Nowwrite. "I," whatever your name is—GUNNER[after a vain attempt]I cant. My hand's shaking too much.You see it's no use. I'm doing my best. I cant.PERCIVAL. Mr Summerhays will write it: you can sign it.BENTLEY.[insolently to Gunner]Get up.[Gunner obeys; andBentley, shouldering him aside towards Percival, takes his place andprepares to write].PERCIVAL. Whats your name?GUNNER. John Brown.TARLETON. Oh come! Couldnt you make it Horace Smith? or AlgernonRobinson?GUNNER.[agitatedly]But my name is John Brown. There are reallyJohn Browns. How can I help it if my name's a common one?BENTLEY. Shew us a letter addressed to you.GUNNER. How can I? I never get any letters: I'm only a clerk. Ican shew you J. B. on my handkerchief.[He takes out a not veryclean one].BENTLEY.[with disgust]Oh, put it up again. Let it go at JohnBrown.PERCIVAL. Where do you live?GUNNER. 4 Chesterfield Parade, Kentish Town, N.W.PERCIVAL.[dictating]I, John Brown, of 4 Chesterfield Parade,Kentish Town, do hereby voluntarily confess that on the 31st May 1909I—[To Tarleton]What did he do exactly?TARLETON.[dictating]—I trespassed on the land of John Tarletonat Hindhead, and effected an unlawful entry into his house, where Isecreted myself in a portable Turkish bath—BENTLEY. Go slow, old man. Just a moment. "Turkish bath"—yes?TARLETON.[continuing]—with a pistol, with which I threatened totake the life of the said John Tarleton—MRS TARLETON. Oh, John! You might have been killed.TARLETON. —and was prevented from doing so only by the timelyarrival of the celebrated Miss Lina Szczepanowska.MRS TARLETON. Is she celebrated?[Apologetically]I neverdreamt—BENTLEY. Look here: I'm awfully sorry; but I cant spellSzczepanowska.PERCIVAL. I think it's S, z, c, z—[Lina gives him hervisiting-card].Thank you.[He throws it on Bentley's blotter].BENTLEY. Thanks awfully.[He writes the name].TARLETON.[to Percival]Now it's your turn.PERCIVAL.[dictating]I further confess that I was guilty ofuttering an abominable calumny concerning Miss Hypatia Tarleton, forwhich there was not a shred of foundation.Impressive silence whilst Bentley writes.BENTLEY. "foundation"?PERCIVAL. I apologize most humbly to the lady and her family for myconduct—[he waits for Bentley to write].BENTLEY. "conduct"?PERCIVAL. —and I promise Mr Tarleton not to repeat it, and to amendmy life—BENTLEY. "amend my life"?PERCIVAL. —and to do what in me lies to prove worthy of his kindnessin giving me another chance—BENTLEY. "another chance"?PERCIVAL. —and refraining from delivering me up to the punishment Iso richly deserve.BENTLEY. "richly deserve."PERCIVAL.[to Hypatia]Does that satisfy you, Miss Tarleton?HYPATIA. Yes: that will teach him to tell lies next time.BENTLEY.[rising to make place for Gunner and handing him the pen]You mean it will teach him to tell the truth next time.TARLETON. Ahem! Do you, Patsy?PERCIVAL. Be good enough to sign.[Gunner sits down helplessly anddips the pen in the ink].I hope what you are signing is no mereform of words to you, and that you not only say you are sorry, butthat you are sorry.Lord Summerhays and Johnny come in through the pavilion door.MRS TARLETON. Stop. Mr Percival: I think, on Hypatia's account,Lord Summerhays ought to be told about this.Lord Summerhays, wondering what the matter is, comes forward betweenPercival and Lina. Johnny stops beside Hypatia.PERCIVAL. Certainly.TARLETON.[uneasily]Take my advice, and cut it short. Get rid ofhim.MRS TARLETON. Hypatia ought to have her character cleared.TARLETON. You let well alone, Chickabiddy. Most of our characterswill bear a little careful dusting; but they wont bear scouring.Patsy is jolly well out of it. What does it matter, anyhow?PERCIVAL. Mr Tarleton: we have already said either too much or notenough. Lord Summerhays: will you be kind enough to witness thedeclaration this man has just signed?GUNNER. I havnt yet. Am I to sign now?PERCIVAL. Of course.[Gunner, who is now incapable of doinganything on his own initiative, signs].Now stand up and read yourdeclaration to this gentleman.[Gunner makes a vague movement andlooks stupidly round. Percival adds peremptorily]Now, please.GUNNER[rising apprehensively and reading in a hardly audible voice,like a very sick man]I, John Brown, of 4 Chesterfield Parade,Kentish Town, do hereby voluntarily confess that on the 31st May 1909I trespassed on the land of John Tarleton at Hindhead, and effected anunlawful entry into his house, where I secreted myself in a portableTurkish bath, with a pistol, with which I threatened to take the lifeof the said John Tarleton, and was prevented from doing so only by thetimely arrival of the celebrated Miss Lena Sh-Sh-sheepanossika. Ifurther confess that I was guilty of uttering an abominable calumnyconcerning Miss Hypatia Tarleton, for which there was not a shred offoundation. I apologize most humbly to the lady and her family for myconduct; and I promise Mr Tarleton not to repeat it, and to amend mylife, and to do what in me lies to prove worthy of his kindness ingiving me another chance and refraining from delivering me up to thepunishment I so richly deserve.A short and painful silence follows. Then Percival speaks.PERCIVAL. Do you consider that sufficient, Lord Summerhays?LORD SUMMERHAYS. Oh quite, quite.PERCIVAL.[to Hypatia]Lord Summerhays would probably like to hearyou say that you are satisfied, Miss Tarleton.HYPATIA.[coming out of the swing, and advancing between Percivaland Lord Summerhays]I must say that you have behaved like a perfectgentleman, Mr. Percival.PERCIVAL.[first bowing to Hypatia, and then turning with coldcontempt to Gunner, who is standing helpless]We need not troubleyou any further.[Gunner turns vaguely towards the pavilion].JOHNNY[with less refined offensiveness, pointing to the pavilion]Thats your way. The gardener will shew you the shortest way into theroad. Go the shortest way.GUNNER.[oppressed and disconcerted, hardly knows how to get out ofthe room]Yes, sir. I—[He turns again, appealing to Tarleton]Maynt I have my mother's photographs back again?[Mrs Tarletonpricks up her ears].TARLETON. Eh? What? Oh, the photographs! Yes, yes, yes: takethem.[Gunner takes them from the table, and is creeping away, whenMrs Tarleton puts out her hand and stops him].MRS TARLETON. Whats this, John? What were you doing with hismother's photographs?TARLETON. Nothing, nothing. Never mind, Chickabiddy: it's allright.MRS TARLETON.[snatching the photographs from Gunner's irresolutefingers, and recognizing them at a glance]Lucy Titmus! Oh John,John!TARLETON.[grimly, to Gunner]Young man: youre a fool; but youvejust put the lid on this job in a masterly manner. I knew you would.I told you all to let well alone. You wouldnt; and now you must takethe consequences—or ratherImust take them.MRS TARLETON.[to Gunner]Are you Lucy's son?GUNNER. Yes.MRS TARLETON. And why didnt you come to me? I didnt turn my back onyour mother when she came to me in her trouble. Didnt you know that?GUNNER. No. She never talked to me about anything.TARLETON. How could she talk to her own son? Shy, Summerhays, shy.Parent and child. Shy.[He sits down at the end of the writingtable nearest the sideboard like a man resigned to anything that fatemay have in store for him].MRS TARLETON. Then how did you find out?GUNNER. From her papers after she died.MRS TARLETON.[shocked]Is Lucy dead? And I never knew![Withan effusion of tenderness]And you here being treated like that,poor orphan, with nobody to take your part! Tear up that foolishpaper, child; and sit down and make friends with me.JOHNNY. | Hallo, mother this is all very well, you know—|PERCIVAL. | But may I point out, Mrs Tarleton, that—|BENTLEY. | Do you mean that after what he said of—|HYPATIA. | Oh, look here, mamma: this is really—MRS TARLETON. Will you please speak one at a time?Silence.PERCIVAL[in a very gentlemanly manner]Will you allow me to remindyou, Mrs Tarleton, that this man has uttered a most serious anddisgraceful falsehood concerning Miss Tarleton and myself?MRS TARLETON. I dont believe a word of it. If the poor lad was therein the Turkish bath, who has a better right to say what was going onhere than he has? You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Patsy; and soought you too, Mr Percival, for encouraging her.[Hypatia retreatsto the pavilion, and exchanges grimaces with Johnny, shamelesslyenjoying Percival's sudden reverse. They know their mother].PERCIVAL.[gasping]Mrs Tarleton: I give you my word of honor—MRS TARLETON. Oh, go along with you and your word of honor. Do youthink I'm a fool? I wonder you can look the lad in the face afterbullying him and making him sign those wicked lies; and all the timeyou carrying on with my daughter before youd been half an hour in myhouse. Fie, for shame!PERCIVAL. Lord Summerhays: I appeal to you. Have I done the correctthing or not?LORD SUMMERHAYS. Youve done your best, Mr Percival. But the correctthing depends for its success on everybody playing the game verystrictly. As a single-handed game, it's impossible.BENTLEY.[suddenly breaking out lamentably]Joey: have you takenHypatia away from me?LORD SUMMERHAYS.[severely]Bentley! Bentley! Control yourself,sir.TARLETON. Come, Mr Percival! the shutters are up on the gentlemanlybusiness. Try the truth.PERCIVAL. I am in a wretched position. If I tell the truth nobodywill believe me.TARLETON. Oh yes they will. The truth makes everybody believe it.PERCIVAL. It also makes everybody pretend not to believe it. MrsTarleton: youre not playing the game.MRS TARLETON. I dont think youve behaved at all nicely, Mr Percival.BENTLEY. I wouldnt have played you such a dirty trick, Joey.[Struggling with a sob]You beast.LORD SUMMERHAYS. Bentley: you must control yourself. Let me say atthe same time, Mr Percival, that my son seems to have been mistaken inregarding you either as his friend or as a gentleman.PERCIVAL. Miss Tarleton: I'm suffering this for your sake. I askyou just to say that I am not to blame. Just that and nothing more.HYPATIA.[gloating mischievously over his distress]You chased methrough the heather and kissed me. You shouldnt have done that if youwere not in earnest.PERCIVAL. Oh, this is really the limit.[Turning desperately toGunner]Sir: I appeal to you. As a gentleman! as a man of honor!as a man bound to stand by another man! You were in that Turkishbath. You saw how it began. Could any man have behaved morecorrectly than I did? Is there a shadow of foundation for theaccusations brought against me?GUNNER.[sorely perplexed]Well, what do you want me to say?JOHNNY. He has said what he had to say already, hasnt he? Read thatpaper.GUNNER. When I tell the truth, you make me go back on it. And nowyou want me to go back on myself! What is a man to do?PERCIVAL.[patiently]Please try to get your mind clear, Mr Brown.I pointed out to you that you could not, as a gentleman, disparage alady's character. You agree with me, I hope.GUNNER. Yes: that sounds all right.PERCIVAL. But youre also bound to tell the truth. Surely youll notdeny that.GUNNER. Who's denying it? I say nothing against it.PERCIVAL. Of course not. Well, I ask you to tell the truth simplyand unaffectedly. Did you witness any improper conduct on my partwhen you were in the bath?GUNNER. No, sir.JOHNNY. | Then what do you mean by saying that—|HYPATIA. | Do you mean to say that I—|BENTLEY. | Oh, you are a rotter. Youre afraid—TARLETON.[rising]Stop.[Silence].Leave it at that. Enoughsaid. You keep quiet, Johnny. Mr Percival: youre whitewashed. Soare you, Patsy. Honors are easy. Lets drop the subject. The nextthing to do is to open a subscription to start this young man on aranch in some far country thats accustomed to be in a disturbed state.He—MRS TARLETON. Now stop joking the poor lad, John: I wont have it.Has been worried to death between you all.[To Gunner]Have youhad your tea?GUNNER. Tea? No: it's too early. I'm all right; only I had nodinner: I didnt think I'd want it. I didnt think I'd be alive.MRS TARLETON. Oh, what a thing to say! You mustnt talk like that.JOHNNY. Hes out of his mind. He thinks it's past dinner-time.MRS TARLETON. Oh, youve no sense, Johnny. He calls his lunch hisdinner, and has his tea at half-past six. Havnt you, dear?GUNNER.[timidly]Hasnt everybody?JOHNNY.[laughing]Well, by George, thats not bad.MRS TARLETON. Now dont be rude, Johnny: you know I dont like it.[To Gunner]A cup of tea will pick you up.GUNNER. I'd rather not. I'm all right.TARLETON.[going to the sideboard]Here! try a mouthful of sloegin.GUNNER. No, thanks. I'm a teetotaler. I cant touch alcohol in anyform.TARLETON. Nonsense! This isnt alcohol. Sloe gin. Vegetarian, youknow.GUNNER.[hesitating]Is it a fruit beverage?TARLETON. Of course it is. Fruit beverage. Here you are.[Hegives him a glass of sloe gin].GUNNER.[going to the sideboard]Thanks.[he begins to drink itconfidently; but the first mouthful startles and almost chokes him].It's rather hot.TARLETON. Do you good. Dont be afraid of it.MRS TARLETON.[going to him]Sip it, dear. Dont be in a hurry.Gunner sips slowly, each sip making his eyes water.JOHNNY.[coming forward into the place left vacant by Gunner's visitto the sideboard]Well, now that the gentleman has been attended to,I should like to know where we are. It may be a vulgar businesshabit; but I confess I like to know where I am.TARLETON. I dont. Wherever you are, youre there anyhow. I tell youagain, leave it at that.BENTLEY. I want to know too. Hypatia's engaged to me.HYPATIA. Bentley: if you insult me again—if you say another word,I'll leave the house and not enter it until you leave it.JOHNNY. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, my boy.BENTLEY.[inarticulate with fury and suppressed tears]Oh!Beasts! Brutes!MRS TARLETON. Now dont hurt his feelings, poor little lamb!LORD SUMMERHAYS.[very sternly]Bentley: you are not behavingwell. You had better leave us until you have recovered yourself.Bentley goes out in disgrace, but gets no further than half way tothe pavilion door, when, with a wild sob, he throws himself on thefloor and begins to yell.MRS TARLETON. |[running to him]Oh, poor child,| poor child! Dont cry, duckie:| he didnt mean it: dont cry.|LORD SUMMERHAYS| Stop that infernal noise, sir: do you| hear? Stop it instantly.|JOHNNY. | Thats the game he tried on me.| There you are! Now, mother!| Now, Patsy! You see for yourselves.|HYPATIA. |[covering her ears]Oh you little| wretch! Stop him, Mr Percival. Kick him.|TARLETON. | Steady on, steady on. Easy, Bunny, easy.LINA. Leave him to me, Mrs Tarleton. Stand clear, please.She kneels opposite Bentley; quickly lifts the upper half of him fromthe ground; dives under him; rises with his body hanging across hershoulders; and runs out with him.BENTLEY.[in scared, sobered, humble tones as he is borne off]What are you doing? Let me down. Please, Miss Szczepanowska—[they pass out of hearing].An awestruck silence falls on the company as they speculate onBentley's fate.JOHNNY. I wonder what shes going to do with him.HYPATIA. Spank him, I hope. Spank him hard.LORD SUMMERHAYS. I hope so. I hope so. Tarleton: I'm beyondmeasure humiliated and annoyed by my son's behavior in your house. Ihad better take him home.TARLETON. Not at all: not at all. Now, Chickabiddy: as Miss Linahas taken away Ben, suppose you take away Mr Brown for a while.GUNNER.[with unexpected aggressiveness]My name isnt Brown.[They stare at him: he meets their stare defiantly, pugnacious withsloe gin; drains the last drop from his glass; throws it on thesideboard; and advances to the writing table].My name's Baker:Julius Baker. Mister Baker. If any man doubts it, I'm ready for him.MRS TARLETON. John: you shouldnt have given him that sloe gin. It'sgone to his head.GUNNER. Dont you think it. Fruit beverages dont go to the head; and