(PetersgoesL. 3 E.Sir Josephhums cheerfully, takes up the book, and glances at it.Everardenters.Sir J.frowns, throws down book and waves him to a chair.)
(PetersgoesL. 3 E.Sir Josephhums cheerfully, takes up the book, and glances at it.Everardenters.Sir J.frowns, throws down book and waves him to a chair.)
Everard.(L. C.) You want me, uncle?
Sir J.(R. C.) Yes, sit down, sit down. (Everardsits on stoolL. C.) Oh, Everard!
(Sir J.sits in chairR. C.down stage.)
Everard.(wonderingly) Why, uncle, what is it? Have I done anything?
Sir J.Done anything, unhappy boy! (He pauses, perplexedly, then resumes, with melodrama) I should never have believed it—never!
Everard.(rise and goingC.) But, uncle, tell me—
Sir J.(waving him back) If ever a trust was sacred ... if ever a man had a right to expect—and you—you!
Everard.(C.in absolute dismay) Why—what—
Sir J.Isn't the world full of girls whom you could fall in love with? Don't they—pullulate? Aren't there a hundred thousand more women than men in London alone? And must you select, out of them all, the very one whom you—shouldn't?
Everard.(sinking his head) That wretched Treable woman has told you about the verses!
Sir J.Verses! You stooped to verses!
Everard.(humbly) I cribbed them.
Sir J.An attempt to obtain credit—under false pretences! Confess it then, degenerate boy! You love my ward!
Everard.(drawing himself up) Uncle, I do! With every drop of my blood!
Sir J.(delighted, but simulating great grief) Ha! It is true then!
Everard.I was wrong—there is no doubt I was wrong. But could I help it—put it that way—how could I?
Sir J.I must decline to put it that way.
Everard.(passionately) Why did you let me come here, and be in her presence, day after day? How live in the same house with her, sit opposite her at meals, and not adore? How look uponthat matchless face, listen to the sound of her voice, its silvery music (downL.) and not—fall prostrate?
Sir J.(making a note on his shirt-cuff) Matchless face—silvery music—
Everard.(toR. C.) I worship her, uncle! She is the—very star and loadstone of my existence, the—
Sir J.(rise) I see. But, tell me—have you said all this—to her?
Everard.(C.mournfully) To her not a word! My fingers may have pleaded, as I passed the bread and butter—my eyes may have spoken—but my lips—never! The verses, the fatal verses, merely compared her to the (awayL. C.) Capitoline Venus—
Sir J.(R. C.) And the Venus, I suppose, wasn't in it?
Everard.(up to himR. C.) Ah, uncle, don't make fun of me! I confess my fault to you frankly—I know it was wrong—I've always known it. Send me away, sir—I'll do what you bid me. Get me a berth in Africa where the climate's deadliest (sitC.front of table) I'll go without a word—and you'll soon be rid of me!
Sir J.(upR. C.) But, my dear lad, I don't want to be rid of you—and I'm not sure that I altogether approve of the deadly climate scheme. All I say is—
Everard.You can say nothing to me that I have not said already to myself—ah, many times! (rise) It was a presumption—a mad presumption. Don't be too hard on me!
Sir J.(gravely) Everard, I've tried to do my duty by you—
Everard.You have been more than a father to me. Be merciful, sir!
Sir J.I will, I will.
Everard.All I ask is—
Sir J.AllIask is that we now drop heroics and descend to more commonplace ground. Leave Olympus and return to the London pavement——
Everard.(L. C.bewildered) I don't understand—
Sir J.(R. C.) Why, after all, when one comes to think of it, there is no especial crime in a young man falling in love with a young woman—
Everard.(upR. C.) A young woman! Margaret!
Sir J.A young goddess, then—but still, it is not unnatural. And, as I say, I don't see—
Everard.(springing wildly to his feet) You don't mean that there is a hope for me!
Sir J.But I do, I do! I have reason to believe that she is not altogether indifferent.
Everard.(gasping) Uncle!
Sir J.Has she given you no sign?
Everard.(shyly) When we played chess last Thursday, she allowed her hand to rest on mine for the appreciable fraction of a second—
Sir J.(triumphantly) You see! Mollentrave on Women—the text-book on the subject—would, I am sure, interpret that as encouragement.
Everard.Uncle! Don't tell me that you think—(he rushes wildly about the room)
Sir J.But I do, I do! What's more, I am convinced! Come, my boy, sit down. (EverarddownR.back toC.Sir J.seizes him and sits himR. C.) and don't pace the room like an undischarged bankrupt. (sitsC.) Let us discuss the matter.
Everard.Margaret to be mine!
Sir J.Again I say, why not? I shall buy you a practice as a wedding-present, and—as they say in the fairy-stories, you will live happily ever after. Do you authorize me to—sound the lady?
(Everardrises and awayR.)
(Mollentravecomes bustling into the roomL. 3 E.)
Sir J.(riseC.—going eagerly to him and whispering into his ear) Splendid, Mollentrave, splendid! (aloud) Let me introduce my nephew, Mr. Everard Swenboys. Everard, this is an old friend of mine—whom we can admit to our fullest confidence. (downC.) Mollentrave—my nephew has just confessed to me that he loves my ward!
Mollen.(L. C.) You don't say so! Remarkable! Really! (upL. C.puts hat down tableC.and crosses to downR.)
Sir J.I have your authority, Everard, to—ask the lady?
Everard.(R. C.) Oh, uncle, if you would! One word from you!
Sir J.Very well, then—send her to me! At once!
Everard.(with a look atMollentrave) Now, uncle? Had we not better—
Sir J.Now! The court of Love is sitting! (Everardcrosses toL.) Go, my boy—and tell her to be quick!
Everard.(shakes his uncle violently by the hand, then rushes out of the roomL. 3 E.Sir Josephturns toMollentravedownR. C.with enthusiasm,C.) You're a wizard, you know! It's marvellous! Look here, I made a note or two for you—matchless face, silvery music of her voice—you might bring those in—
Mollen.Startingly original, aren't they? You'll find half a dozen reallynewsuperlatives in my book. So it seems I wasn't wrong, eh? (goesR.by fireplace)
Sir J.(C.) Extraordinary! If only you're right about her.
Mollen.We shall see. My dear friend, I have other cases on hand besides this. (comesC.) Have you met Lord Contareen?
Sir J.No—I don't think so.
Mollen.I am, shall I say, "steering"him. He's in love with my—with a lady, and the lady loves him—without knowing it. (R. C.) I give you my word she has refused him, although she adores him—merelybecauseshe doesn't know.
Sir J.(C.) Funny! Butyouknow, eh?
Mollen.Iknow, by what I call consequential induction; and by the same process I'll answer for your ward. By the way what will you do while I—plead?
Sir J.Just go and sit at my desk, eh? (sitR.of deskC.)
Mollen.Yes—that will be best. It won't take long. I hope she'll come soon! (downR.) though! Ah—
(Margarethas come into the roomL. 3 E.;she goes toSir Josephand does not at first noticeMollen.who is at back.)
(Margarethas come into the roomL. 3 E.;she goes toSir Josephand does not at first noticeMollen.who is at back.)
Margaret.(L.of deskC.) You wish to speak to me, guardian?
Sir J.(very embarrassed) Yes—er—yes.
Margaret.About Miss Treable? Oh, believe me, she is the o—
Sir J.(rising downC.very fidgety and awkward) No, no, it's not about Miss Treable. Let me introduce you to Mr. Mollentrave. Mollentrave, this is my ward, Miss Messilent.
(Marg.comes downL. C.)
Mollen.(R. C.bowing) I am exceedingly happy to make Miss Messilent's acquaintance.
Sir J.(picking his words with considerableeffort and difficulty) Margaret, you will possibly—consider it strange—but the fact is—there is something—that I ought to have—said to you—myself—before to-day perhaps (C.)—but it's a—delicate matter—and you know what a rugged old bear I am—and—well, Everard's not much better—and here's Mr. Mollentrave—a very old friend—and he—well, you see, I told him of my—of our—dilemma—and he, in the kindest way in the world—eh, Mollentrave?—well, he'll just tell you, you see, and I'll finish—what I was doing.
(He beats a hasty retreat to his desk and buries himself in his papers.Mollentraveadvances, smiling and mincing.)
(He beats a hasty retreat to his desk and buries himself in his papers.Mollentraveadvances, smiling and mincing.)
Mollen.(R. C.very volubly) My dear Miss Messilent, I find myself in a rather embarrassing position. Your guardian, who as you are aware, has, in the most charming manner possible, retained all the shyness of youth in the presence of your adorable sex, has deputed me to speak for him, phrase his sentiments, express his pious desires—in a word, act as his mouthpiece in introducing to your notice a subject that I trust will enlist all your sympathy. Have I your permission?
Margaret.(L. C.her eyes roaming from him toSir Joseph) Certainly.
(Marg.sits stoolL. C.Mollen.takes chair fromR. C.and sitsC.)
Mollen.(sittingC.) My dear young lady, the sixty years that have passed over my head, furrowing my brow and blanching my hair, give me at least the privilege to address you with a certain paternal simplicity, a mild but glowing benevolence. Can you, without too great a stretch of the imagination, look on me, for a verybrief moment, as though I were actually your guardian?
Margaret.(more and more puzzled) If you wish it.
Mollen.Ten thousand thanks. You simplify my task. Because the theme on which I have to dwell is not one that can be coldly attacked—scarred veteran as I am, there are still feeble pulsations in my heart when I breathe the magic word—Love! (He looks searchingly at her)
Margaret. (startled) Love! (she throws a quick glance atSir Joseph,who dives down deeper behind his desk)
Mollen.(with much sentiment) Love! I am fresh from hearing a man tell of his love—oh, the word is too cold!—of his deep, overpowering passion! Miss Messilent, I am still under the spell! I have been the recipient, in my time, of many confidences—but never have I met a creature so absolutely enslaved by the divine emotion, so eager a captive in the chains of beauty—as is this lover—of yours! (Both rise)
Margaret.Of mine! Mine! Me!
Mollen.Who but you? Are you not—but forgive me if my advocacy becomes too ardent! (puts chair backR.and goes up toR.ofSir J.) It is your guardian who should be saying these things—but I speak for him, I am the reed into which he has blown! (Marg.kneels on stool and is facingSir J.) It is your guardian who wishes to know whether this man, this lover of yours (comesC.) this man who yearns for you, who for the last month has been your satellite, shining with your radiance and dark with your darkness, who has set up a temple in his soul whereof you are the goddess—whether this man shall be flung by you into the shadows of hopeless misery, or be made immortal by the knowledge that you—return—his passion!
Margaret.(off stool and sittingL. C.looking glowingly atSir J.) Yes! Yes! Tell him yes!
Mollen.(C.beaming) Ha! You can accord him, then, a small fragment of—your affection?
Margaret.Can he doubt it! Oh, he is so much above me! I had never dared to hope!
Mollen.(triumphantly) Miss Messilent, nor he, I assure you—nor he! (awayR. C.) Ah, lovers, lovers! Then your guardian may tell Mr. Swenboys—
Margaret.(sinking her head) Ah—poor Everard!
Mollen.(C.smiling) Poor Everard! I don't think we need pityhim! (She rises) Miss Messilent, I have fulfilled my mission, and now I will leave you. I relinquish my paternal role with regret, with considerable regret—and join the ranks of your other admirers. Miss Messilent, I kiss your hand!
(Sir J.rises and steps forward: he is beaming with joy.Mollentravebows to her and crosses her over to hisR.and goes to the doorL. 3 E.Sir Josephrises, accompanying him.Margaretremains standingR. C.as though entranced.)
(Sir J.rises and steps forward: he is beaming with joy.Mollentravebows to her and crosses her over to hisR.and goes to the doorL. 3 E.Sir Josephrises, accompanying him.Margaretremains standingR. C.as though entranced.)
Mollen.(upL.at the door, toSir J.) Rather good, eh, don't you think, for an impromptu?
Sir J.(upL. C.) Good! Magnificent! How can I thank you?
Mollen.Tut, tut, I've enjoyed it. Now make her name the day while the ecstatic mood's still on her! Good-bye! Till to-morrow!
(MollentravegoesL. 3 E.)
(Sir Josephreturns toMargaret)
Sir J.(C.all his awkwardness returning)My dear—Margaret, I am really most glad—most glad. And Everard—well, well, I need say nothing about Everard. And now that we—know—will you regard me as—inconsiderate—if I press for an—early—marriage?
Margaret.(C.coyly) Sir Joseph!
Sir J.(on herL.) You will have to—er—drop that title soon, my dear and address me—er—less formally.
Margaret.Not yet, not yet! Give me time.
Sir J.(a little surprised) Certainly, certainly—but I trust it will not be too long. And now, one final word. My—er—guardianship will soon be at an end—but I have tried—to—er—fulfil its duties. And I trust that—er—er—you will never regret the—er—step—you are taking to-day!
(He goes to her, cordially holding out both his hands.Margaretis about to throw herself into his arms when the door opens andMrs. MartelliappearsR. 1 E.She pauses, aghast.Margaretwith a smothered cry, rushes out of the roomL. 3 E.)
(He goes to her, cordially holding out both his hands.Margaretis about to throw herself into his arms when the door opens andMrs. MartelliappearsR. 1 E.She pauses, aghast.Margaretwith a smothered cry, rushes out of the roomL. 3 E.)
Mrs. M.Sir Joseph! (R.)
Sir J.(C.gleefully) Well, Mrs. Martelli?
Mrs. M.(R. C.standing grimly on the threshold) I hope I do not intrude.
Sir J.(C.) By no means, by no means! We had finished! Ah, Mrs. Martelli, there will soon be an end to Miss Treable!
Mrs. Mar.(open-mouthed) Sir Joseph! (with suppressed indignation) I came to tell you that your clerk is still waiting below.
Sir J.Noyes! Ah, I had forgotten about Noyes! Send him up, (across toR.) please. Oh, it's splendid, Mrs. Martelli—splendid!
(Mrs. MartelliexitsR. 1 E.)
(The door at back opens andEverardappears.)
Everard.Uncle!
Sir J.(C.rushing to him, and slapping him on the back) Everard! It's all right! Go to her, my boy!
Everard.(L. C.gasping) Uncle!
Sir J.Go to her! She adores you! Unworthy, et-cetera—never dared to look so high! Oh, you couple of idiots! Give her the classic kiss, and get her to name the day! She has promised to make it soon. Quick, now—she's waiting!
Everard.Uncle!
(He rushes out wildly backL. 3 E.Sir Josephreturns toR. C.NoyesentersR. 1 E.)
Sir J.(R. C.) Ah, Noyes, I forgot about you! Here—a present. Take it and read it! (He hands him the book)
Noyes.(R.looking at the cover) "Mollentrave on Women." (he stares)
Sir J.(R. C.takes book away fromNoyes) Stay though—it's an autograph copy—you must buy one for yourself! Hurrooh! He knows a thing or two, that old man. Well, now what news?
Noyes.(R.) I merely called to see whether you were going to Scotland to-morrow, Sir Joseph.
Sir J.No—not to-morrow—I must alter my plans for a bit. Everard's going to marry my ward, Noyes. A bit of luck, eh? We must see about settlements, and so on. And buy the lad a practice. There are agents for that sort of thing, eh?
Noyes.Certainly, Sir Joseph. And permit me to congratulate you.
Sir J.Thank you, thank you! And enquire about the practice—at once!
Noyes.Have you any preference as regards locality?
Sir J.H'm—a pleasant suburb—notquitetoo near town, eh? Noyes? One doesn't want to betooclose—to the felicity of the young couple? Turtle-doves demand solitude. Oh, blessings on Mollentrave!
(EverardreturnsL. 3 E.the picture of hopeless despair.)
Sir J.(C.) Hullo, what's this?
Everard.(L. C.) Uncle, she thinks you meant you!
Sir J.(leaping up) What!!!
Everard.She thinks you meantYou!! That you were proposing for yourself! She says she's engaged to—YOU!
Sir J.(shaking him) Speak, can't you? What do you mean?
Everard.(brokenly) She does. I didn't undeceive her. How could I?She's happy—she lovesyou—she'llmarryyou! Oh!
Sir J.Oh! Mollentrave!
(Ever.buries his head in his hands and sinks into setteeL.Sir JosephstandsC.shouting between his clenched teeth—"Oh,Mollentrave!")
(Ever.buries his head in his hands and sinks into setteeL.Sir JosephstandsC.shouting between his clenched teeth—"Oh,Mollentrave!")
CURTAIN.