2823. The Pastor and the Duties of Engaged Couple.—The pastor should also inquire about duties owed by the couple to others.
(a) Duties to Parents.—He should seriously admonish minors subject to parental authority not to marry without the knowledge or against the reasonable wishes of their parents. If the parents are opposed to the marriage, the pastor should decide from the circumstances whether the opposition is justified or not; if one parent only is unwilling, the wishes of the father _per se_ have preference over those of the mother, as he is the head of the family. If the engaged couple will not heed the pastor, he is seriously bound to refuse to marry them until the case has been presented to the Ordinary for decision (Canon 1034).
(b) Duties to Civil Law.—The State has no power over the Sacrament of Matrimony, its bond, or its inseparable temporal effects (such as the rights and duties of spouses, legitimacy of children and the like), but it is competent in reference to merely civil effects and conditions, which are temporal circumstances separable from the substance of marriage. Hence, those who are getting married should comply with civil formalities that do not trespass on church rights, such as registration or marriage license.
2824. Opposition of Parents to Marriage.—In deciding whether the parental opposition to a marriage is reasonable or not, the pastor should take into consideration both the motives for the opposition and the reasons in favor of the marriage.
(a) The motives for the opposition are reasonable, if the parents object because of the undesirability of one of the couple, or their incompatibility, or the evil consequences that will follow the marriage. A person is undesirable on account of defects of soul (e.g., an atheist, a drunkard, a libertine, a man or woman of ill-fame, a cruel man, an ill-tempered woman), or of body (e.g., a person who is deformed, or malodorous, or afflicted with syphilis or other serious disease), or of mind (e.g., a half-witted person), or of economical ability (e.g., a man who is a gambler or spendthrift, or who is unable to earn a living; a woman who is loaded with debts or who cannot take care of a home). There is incompatibility when the ages of the couple or their rank in life, their race, their education, their tastes, or their dispositions are utterly different. There are evil consequences when scandals, hatreds, disgrace, or loss of temporal goods will ensue.
(b) The reason for the marriage, however, may suffice to prevail over the parental objections. Thus, if the strong disapproval of relatives is the only reason against a marriage and its abandonment will make the couple unhappy for life, charity does not oblige to such a sacrifice. And the temporal advantage of a family should not be preferred to the spiritual benefit, if their son who is wild wishes to marry a poor girl who has a good influence over him rather than a wealthy girl whom he does not admire.
2825. Religious Duties before Marriage.—(a) Confession.—A public sinner (e.g., one who has been living in concubinage) is obliged to go to confession before marriage in order to repair his scandal. A sinner whose guilt is not public must repent before receiving the Sacrament of Matrimony, since it is a Sacrament of the Living and supposes the state of grace; but an act of contrition strictly suffices. It is recommended, however, that all persons go to confession as a preparation and that they make a general confession. The confessor should be told of any occult or incriminating impediment that was not disclosed to the pastor, and it is therefore advisable that the confession precede the ceremony by several days, so as to allow time for possible dispensations.
(b) Communion.—It is better that Communion be received on the day of one’s marriage, but, if this is not convenient, it may be received several days before or several days after. There is no command as to this, but the Church’s counsel is most earnest.
2826. The Celebration of Marriage.—(a) Requisites for Validity.—In order to be valid, a Catholic’s marriage must be celebrated in the presence of the parish-priest or Ordinary, or of a priest delegated by either, and of at least two witnesses. There are two exceptions to this law, namely, in danger of death when the priest cannot be had and in the case of inability to appear before a priest within a month. This law is most suitable, since marriage is not a mere profane contract, but a Sacrament subject to the Church; the law is also necessary, since secret or clandestine marriages would be impossible of proof, and society and the family would be seriously harmed if they were permitted except in very extraordinary cases.
(b) Requisites for Lawfulness.—The pastor assists lawfully at a marriage if he has assured himself of the freedom of the parties to marry and of his own right to assist officially at their marriage. The pastor has the right to witness a marriage when the parties are his subjects by reason of their location in his parish, or when he has permission from their pastor or Ordinary to assist at the nuptials. When the bride is from one parish and the groom from another, the rule is that the marriage should be held before the bride’s pastor (Canons 1094 sqq.)
2827. The Rite of Marriage.—(a) The essential rite consists in the words of consent spoken by the bride and groom. The assisting priest asks for this consent, and then (except in a mixed marriage) blesses the newly married pair and the ring. Marriage by sign language or through an interpreter or proxy is not lawful without special permission, and marriage by letter is not recognized (Canons 1088 sqq.).
(b) The accidental rite is the nuptial blessing bestowed during the Nuptial Mass that follows on the marriage. This is omitted in mixed marriages, and also as a rule during Advent and Lent. The place for marriage is regularly in the parish church, if it is a Catholic marriage, but outside the church if it is a mixed marriage (see Canons 1100 sqq.). The Ordinary may dispense from the requirements of place (Canon 1109).
2828. Cooperation in an Unworthy Marriage.—(a) The Priest.—The clergyman acts as the official representative of the Church, and hence only a serious reason will permit his assistance when the unworthiness of one of the parties is known to him in an extra-confessional way. A serious reason would be a threat of bodily harm to the priest or great spiritual detriment to the parties, such as their continuance in the state of sin. A more serious reason is required if one of the parties is an _excommunicatus vitandus_. Finally, at times only passive assistance is permitted, as in certain mixed marriages in which the non-Catholic refuses to give guarantees, but there is greater danger of perversion without than with the assistance (see 2677 sqq.).
(b) The Spouses.—The bride and groom are the ministers as well as the recipients of Matrimony, and hence, if one of the parties knows that the other is not in the state of grace, there is an administration of a Sacrament to an unworthy recipient. But only charity would bid one to deny the Sacrament to that other party, if one could not induce him to dispose himself, and charity does not oblige with great inconvenience. Hence the worthy party, if he or she has a suitable reason for marrying, does not sin by reason of the other party’s unworthiness.
(c) The Witnesses.—The cooperation of the witnesses is less than that of the priest and of the worthy party, and hence only in an extraordinary case do the witnesses sin by assisting at a marriage contracted before the Church. They may presume that all is well, if the pastor has agreed to the marriage; and even though they are certain that the bride or groom is in mortal sin, the fear of incurring displeasure or harm will ordinarily excuse the best man or bridesmaid from all sin, or at least from grave sin.
2829. Registration of Marriages.—The Code requires that marriages be recorded in the matrimonial and baptismal registers, and that notification be sent to the pastors of the parishes where the bride and the groom were baptized. This duty seems to be grave, since its end is to provide for stable conditions and secure proof of freedom to marry. The entries should be made without delay (i.e., within three days at least), lest they be overlooked or be made incorrectly (Canon 1103).
2830. When an Impediment Is Discovered after Marriage.—A diriment impediment or other invalidating defect is sometimes discovered after the celebration of marriage. There are various solutions of this difficulty.
(a) If the marriage can be validated (or made valid), this should be done. The manner of simple validation of marriages null on account of diriment impediment, defective consent or lack of form, is declared in Canons 1133-1137.
(b) If the marriage cannot be validated simply, it may be made valid in certain cases by the special validation known as a _sanatio in radice_. This supposes that a consent naturally sufficient, but juridically insufficient, was given, and that a renewal of consent cannot be obtained (see Canons 1138-1141).
(c) If marriage cannot be validated in any way (as in the case of an indispensable impediment), the parties should be separated, or permitted to live together as brother and sister, or left in good faith. Thus, if the nullity of the marriage is public, the parties should be separated after a declaration of nullity; if the nullity is secret and unprovable, the parties may be permitted to live together as brother and sister, if they know the marriage is null, but are not exposed to the danger of incontinence; if the parties are in good faith about their marriage and it is foreseen that serious evils would result were they told the truth (such as bad faith, or misfortunes for the children), they may be left as they are.
2831. The Lawfulness of Divorce and Separation.—(a) Complete divorce, or dissolution of the bond with the right to remarry during the lifetime of the other spouse, is never lawful, except in the cases mentioned in 2787 e. Moreover, the civil lawgiver has no right ever to dissolve the marriage tie, for the marriage bond of Christians is sacramental and not subject to the State, while the marriage bond of non-Christians is indissoluble by human authority. On the death of one spouse, however, the survivor is free to marry again, though chaste widowhood is more honorable.
(b) Incomplete divorce, or separation from bed and board, is allowed permanently to the innocent spouse in case of adultery, and temporarily when there are other good reasons. Thus, if one of the parties becomes an apostate, or gives non-Catholic education to the children, or leads a criminal or disgraceful life, or makes common life too hard by his cruelty, or endangers the other party in soul or body, the innocent spouse may separate after appealing to the Ordinary, or may depart on his or her own authority, if the facts are certain and there is danger in delay (Canons 1118 sqq.). With permission one may even seek a civil divorce, if it is a separation only, in order to be free as regards civil effects of marriage (1950).