LI.PARENTAL EXAMPLE.
PARENTS may give “line upon line and precept upon precept,” in their assiduous watchfulness over the manners and morals of their children, yet, if they do not constantly bear in mind that example has more influence over the young than precept, their efforts will be of little avail. If you reprove a child for careless usage of books, show them how they are injured and defaced, by turning down corners, scribbling on the margin, or throwing them down on the face, how much good will such lectures do, if, when he enters your library, or comes where you have beenreading, the child sees your books tossed about, the bindings strained, and the corners in a most undesirable condition?
You endeavor to inculcate a habit of neatness in your daughter; you insist that when she returns from a walk or ride she shall smooth out her bonnet-strings, brush the dust from it, and put it at once in the bonnet-box; you tell her to fold her shawl neatly, hang up her sack, pull the fingers of her gloves straight, fold them up and lay them in their appropriate place; and this you request her to do, not once or twice, but habitually, not only because it is tidy, but also a great saving of time and garments in the course of a year. But if you come in, and toss your street garments about in the most careless manner, how much good, think you, will all your words of instruction have accomplished? You may enforce obedience, but compulsory habits are not usually abiding; and, when old enough to cast off restraint, it will be, not so much thewords you have spoken, as the things your child hasseen you do habitually, which will influence and guide her womanhood.
You resolutely object to your children using low phrases,—what is termedslang; but if your own conversation is largely interspersed with foolish or needless ejaculations, fight against it as you may, you will find it impossible to prevent them from copying your mode of speaking, and it will be very strange if they do not carry it to a much greater extent than you have done.
Nowhere is this force of example so strikingly exemplified as at the table. It is always disagreeable to see a child sitting with its arms on the table, or resting its elbow there while carrying the food to its mouth. There is some excuse for the little ones, as their short limbs grow weary, and the position, though a very awkward one, seems to them a rest from the restraint of the table; and no doubt it is so. It is exceedingly annoying to see children filling their mouthstoo full, and then washing the food down by drinking, before the food is half masticated. If a child reaches over another’s plate for some article of food, instead of politely asking for it, who can help feeling disturbed by the rudeness? It is disagreeable to all present to see any one stand upon the round of the chair, or on the floor, andspringafter a piece of bread or meat, or push a dish across the table instead of handing it. You shrink from the child who helps itself to butter with the knife from its own plate. All this is annoying in children, but it is intolerable when practiced by the parents. They are as much disgusted as any “lookers-on” can be, when they notice such rude, ill-mannered actions in their children; but while they severely blame these young things, they forget that these are always watching and imitating their parents’ faults.
We have seen those who were in most respects truly refined, whose great anxiety seemed to be to guard their children from any contact with rude associates, and to teach them as much refinement of manner and character as was possible; and in most things we have observed that such parents most scrupulously and conscientiously conformed to their own instructions; but when we have had a seat at their table, we have sometimes been amazed to observe that they felt themselves exonerated from the observance of the simplest forms of table etiquette, yet held their children in strict bondage to such rules, and made the hours spent at what should be the social, cheerful board very uncomfortable by continued reproofs.
“John, take your arms off the table.” The child raises his eyes to his father, and sees one arm laid on the table before him, the other supporting his head, with the elbow on the table, while administering this reproof.
“James, how often must I tell you to ask for what you want, and not reach for it across the table?”
A few minutes after, James sees his reprover reaching to the full stretch of his arm, supplemented by thefork from his own plate, and pick up a potato, piece of bread, or meat, at the farther end of the table.
“O child, will you never learn to eat without smacking your lips and making such a disagreeable noise? It makes one sick to hear you!”
The child has been watching the parent while eating, and trying hard to imitate the genuinegourmand’s smackwhich he hears from the head of the table.
“I am astonished! Why do you take the bread from the plate with your fingers and toss it in that manner to your sister? Never let me see you guilty of such rudeness again!”
Now, children are quick to see mistakes and discrepancies in the conduct of their elders, or those who have the rule over them. It does not require many years for them to mark how inconsistent such training is. Naturally children are not very fond of rules and regulations; they like freedom of action as well as their elders; and if they see that what is called rude and ill-mannered in a child is the daily practice of those whom they are expected to look up to, is it strange that they take every possible opportunity to transgress these precepts, so strangely nullified by parental example? They are always reaching forward to something beyond their present condition. If father or mother does such and such things, which are denied to the young son or daughter, of course they long for the same privilege; because if their parents do thus, it must be something smart, the imitation of which brings them nearer to manhood and womanhood, and farther from childhood, from which latter period all children are eager to hasten away. Then, if this is so,—and we think every observing parent has found it to be true,—is it not important that the rules which are laid down tosecure good morals and good manners in the children should be considered of sufficient importance to regulate the practice of the parents; and should not the deviations from them, on the part of the elders, be few,—or, better yet, none?