XXV.TRUST YOUR CHILDREN.
THERE is no lesson that so well repays the teacher as that by which children are taught to feel that they aretrusted; that father and mother commit matters of importance to their care, with confidence that they will not disappoint them. Begin this teaching while the child is yet young. Of course you must gauge the importance of the trust by the age of the child, taking care that you do not tax the little one beyond its capacity, but being just as careful to have it understand that you are in earnest. It is a great event in a child’s life when it first feels that you look to it with loving confidence for the performance of certain duties that you have trusted to its honor. The feeling of responsibility which comes with this knowledge awakens self-respect, and the care and faithfulness which the youngest sees must be necessary to the satisfactory execution of the work will be good seed sown, which in after years will bear fruit, amply repaying all the trouble it cost to prepare the soil for its reception. That such teaching is not the easiest duty one can accept, every mother knows full well, and would much prefer to do the work herself, if conscience permitted, than be subjected to the tediousness and annoyance of drilling a child to do it. But this is a mother’s mission, which it is not wise to delegate to another.
When a child has been repeatedly shown precisely how to do certain things, begin to leave these littlechoresfor it to do alone when you are not near. Let it be something trivial at first, of course. Say to the little two-year-old, “Mamma must go out for a little while. I am sorry to leave the nursery in such disorder; but Eddie is such a helpful little man, he will put all the blocks and ‘Noah’s Ark’ up just as I like to see them; and little Kitty, too, knows how I wish her to fold the doll’s clothes and lay them in the drawer, when her play is over; I am sure this room will look very nice when I return.”
If this kindly training is begun early, do you not know how proud and happy these miniature men and women will feel when this work is intrusted to their care,—a token of mother’s confidence in their ability? Of course, it may be necessary to be a littleshort-sightedwhen you return, and pass over for the time some few items that will bear improvement; but let these wait. Appear pleased—be pleased—with their efforts; give as much sweet praise as is judicious, to gladden their little hearts. It will be time enough when the next trial is made to say, “I think I would fold this little dress so,” or, “Put those books here.” Gentle hints, interspersed with all possible approval, will fix the lesson, so that you can soon feel safe to put the play-room almost wholly in the care of quite young children, except the sweeping or other work beyond their strength. But these lessons, as we said before, must begin early, else the child will learn to prefer being waited upon to doing the work itself.
As your child can bear it, add year by year to the trust and responsibility. Accept the labor as a love-offering to save your time and strength, and it will not be long before willing hands and happy hearts will really lighten your labors, and save you many weary steps, while at the same time they are learning a lesson that will do them goodthrough life. Vary the teaching, by sending the child, by and by, out to do a little shopping,—some small thing, but such as will call for the exercise of taste and a little judgment; nothing of much importance, so that, should there chance to be a slight mistake, no great harm will follow; yet so much that the child, by thus learning to judge and discriminate in small things, will be preparing for greater ones.
An expedition of this kind stands out among the brightest of our childhood memories. It was in a season of severe sickness both at home and in the vicinity. Our mother was ill, the older children either on the sick list or absent. It was quite necessary to send to theshire town, twelve miles distant, where, in those “long-ago” days, the most important shopping was done, and the foreign groceries purchased. Father had his buggy at the door just ready to start on this tour, and was making a list of the last items, and directions from mother, when he was summoned in great haste to a patient. Here was a dilemma! The purchasesmustbe made; the patientmustbe cared for. What was to be done? We were sitting in the south hall-door, playing with the baby, so near to the sick-room that we could not help hearing the consultation. Father must go to his patient; but who was to go for the articles so greatly needed? The “tailoress” would be on hand in the morning, and the cloth must be had for her work; a tailoress was an important character in those days, and if we lostour turnthere would be weeks to wait before we could secure her again. That would never do, for “the boys” must soon return to school, and their clothes be ready, anyhow. What could be done? We heard the hurried talk, with a kind of dreamy wonder as to how they would settle the troublesome question; but, as one who could have no personal interest in the solution, went on with our frolic with baby, when mother said, “Write out a list, with full directions, and send E——.”
What a bound our heart gave! We nearly dropped the baby.We, not twelve years old; and mother thought we could be trusted to do such a big thing! We felt a half-head taller only to think that mother—bless her!—thought us capable of it. Whether it was decided that we should go or not was, just then, quite a secondary consideration, yet we were “all ears” to catch father’s reply: “Send that child! What does she know of buying anything? And this is a very important errand.”
Ah! here our heart collapsed; we didn’t quite want to go,—the work seemed so great,—but we did want father to think us as trustworthy and capable as mother did.
“If you think it safe for her to drive alone so far, I think you may trust her to do the errand well, with suitable directions. The merchants and grocers are old friends, and will not take advantage of the child.”
“Well, it is the only thing we can do,” said father, with an anxious, dissatisfied tone, and this great responsibility was committed to our care.
How much we thought in that long twelve-miles ride to the town! What anxious thoughts on the return ride, fearing that we had forgotten something, or made some ill-advised purchase; but under it all there was a dull pain to remember that father didn’t quite trust us, which did not leave us until, safe at home, all the purchases laid out and examined, he drew us to his knee, close by mother’s sick-bed, and kissed us, with, “Well done, my brave girl! Hasn’t she done well, mother?”
How much good that day’s work did us, giving us courage when duties seemed too hard for us, we can never estimate; but the most precious of all was our mother’s trust and father’s approbation. It is only by love and gentleness that a child can be taught to find real enjoyment in later or important cares. Exact it as a duty; sternly command, watch,with constant suspicion and fault-finding, and labor is a drudgery, and cares of any kind a terror to the young. The child either becomes stubborn, or, if timid and loving, is so nervously fearful of being blamed, that this very fear insures the dreaded results. Ah, if young mothers could know how many hours of self-reproach the grandmothers pass as they look to the time when their little ones were around them, and see, too late, how many mistakes they made simply by their own impatience, over-strictness, and want of confidence in their children’s good intention and desire to do right, it might save them from much regret, and their children from many temptations. But each one must have an experience of her own. When young, we seldom are ready to profit by the experience of the old, or think them of much more importance than “old wives’ fables,” but when, after many mistakes, we arrive at middle age, we are able to estimate their value.