EDUCATION

All the world are stags!Yea, all the men and women merely jobbers—

All the world are stags!

Yea, all the men and women merely jobbers—

and after enumerating the various phases of the mania, concludes:—

Last scene of all,That ends this sad but common history,Is Union pauperism and oakum-picking:Sans beer, sans beef, sans tea, sans everything.

Last scene of all,

That ends this sad but common history,

Is Union pauperism and oakum-picking:

Sans beer, sans beef, sans tea, sans everything.

Railway titles, a railway peerage and Parliament are foreshadowed, with King Hudson, "the monarch of all they 'survey,'" installed in his palace at Hampton Court. The relations of John Bull—on whom "the sweet simplicity of the three per cents." had begun to pall—with humbugging promoters is hit off in the stanza:—

Said John, "Your plan my mind contents,I'm sick and tired of Three per Cents.;And don't get enough by my paltry rents"—So he got hooked in by the railway "gents."

Said John, "Your plan my mind contents,

I'm sick and tired of Three per Cents.;

And don't get enough by my paltry rents"—

So he got hooked in by the railway "gents."

Hudson with followers at his feet.KING HUDSON'S LEVÉE

KING HUDSON'S LEVÉE

Rules for Railways

In his anti-Puseyite zealPunchmendaciously declares that a railway from Oxford to Rome has been projected with the Pope's approval. In fact, any stick was good enough to beat the speculators with. "Locksley Hall" is parodied as "Capel Court," and the rush to deposit plans at the Board of Trade,when special trains were chartered by rival promoters, is described in humorous detail in aPunchballad. Padded suits are suggested in 1846 as a protection against railway accidents, but the best summary—with all its exaggerations—of the discomforts of railway travelling in the mid 'forties is to be found in the "Rules and Regulations for Railways":—

The French Government has published a royalordonnance, fixing the regulations that are henceforward to be observed by all railway companies in working their lines. As it is a pity these things should be better managed in France, we publish a set of regulations for English railways. Lord John Russell is welcome to them, if he likes.Every passenger in the second or third class is to be allowed to carry a dark lantern, or a penny candle, or a safety lamp, into the train with him, as the directors have kept the public in the dark quite long enough.No train is to travel slower than an omnibus, let the excursion be ever so cheap, or the occasion ever so joyful.Cattle are to be separated from the passengers as much as possible, as it has been found, from experiments, that men and oxen do not mix sociably together.No stoppage at a railway station is to exceed half an hour.No railway dividend is to exceed 100 per cent., and no bonus to be divided oftener than once a month.No fare is to be raised more than at the rate of a pound a week.No third-class carriage is to contain more than a foot deep of water in wet weather, but, to prevent accidents, corks and swimming belts should always be kept in open carriages.The ladies' carriages are to be waited upon by female policemen.Every tunnel must be illuminated with one candle at least.Never less than five minutes are to be allowed for dinner or refreshment.[5]One director must always travel with every train, only he is to be allowed the option of choosing his seat, either in the second or third class—whichever of the two he prefers.Hospitals are to be built at every terminus, and a surgeon to be in attendance at every station.There must be some communication between every carriage and the stoker, or the guard, either by a bell, or a speaking tube, or a portable electric telegraph, so that the passengers may have somemeans of giving information when their carriage is off the line, or falling over an embankment, or a maniac or a horse has broken loose.

Every passenger in the second or third class is to be allowed to carry a dark lantern, or a penny candle, or a safety lamp, into the train with him, as the directors have kept the public in the dark quite long enough.

No train is to travel slower than an omnibus, let the excursion be ever so cheap, or the occasion ever so joyful.

Cattle are to be separated from the passengers as much as possible, as it has been found, from experiments, that men and oxen do not mix sociably together.

No stoppage at a railway station is to exceed half an hour.

No railway dividend is to exceed 100 per cent., and no bonus to be divided oftener than once a month.

No fare is to be raised more than at the rate of a pound a week.

No third-class carriage is to contain more than a foot deep of water in wet weather, but, to prevent accidents, corks and swimming belts should always be kept in open carriages.

The ladies' carriages are to be waited upon by female policemen.

Every tunnel must be illuminated with one candle at least.

Never less than five minutes are to be allowed for dinner or refreshment.[5]

One director must always travel with every train, only he is to be allowed the option of choosing his seat, either in the second or third class—whichever of the two he prefers.

Hospitals are to be built at every terminus, and a surgeon to be in attendance at every station.

There must be some communication between every carriage and the stoker, or the guard, either by a bell, or a speaking tube, or a portable electric telegraph, so that the passengers may have somemeans of giving information when their carriage is off the line, or falling over an embankment, or a maniac or a horse has broken loose.

There is sense as well as absurdity in this list. "Smoking saloons" are noted as a novelty on the Eastern Counties Railway during the year 1846, but in the same year toPunchbelongs the credit of suggesting refreshment cars, and indulging in a pictorial forecast of underground railways.

Two trains entering a tunnel and about to collide.A PROPHETIC VIEW OF THE SUBTERRANEAN RAILWAYS

A PROPHETIC VIEW OF THE SUBTERRANEAN RAILWAYS

The proposal that drums and trombones should be mounted on the engine as a means of signalling cannot be taken seriously. Railway libraries on the L. & N.W.R. are noted as a novelty in 1849. But by that year the temper of the speculating public had changed, andPunchis a faithful index of the cold fit which had followed the disillusionment of the over-sanguine investor. The lure of El Dorado now beckoned from the New World, and the railway madness gave way to the mining insanity. The papers were full of complaints from discontented shareholders. The Battle of the Gauges continued, but Hudson is already spoken of inPunchas a discrowned sovereign, threatened with disestablishment at Madame Tussaud's. For a whilePunchwas inclined to extend to him a certain amount of sympathy in his downfall, and in "Two Pictures" he draws a contrast between mammon worship and the onslaught on mammon's high priest by his greedy anddiscontented worshippers. But the mood of compassion soon changes to resentment in the bitter adaptation of Cowper's poem,The Loss of the Royal George:—

Toll for a knave!A knave whose day is o'er!All sunk—with those who gaveTheir cash, till they'd no more!

Toll for a knave!

A knave whose day is o'er!

All sunk—with those who gave

Their cash, till they'd no more!

TheRoyal Georgeis gone,His iron rule is o'er—And he and his directorsShall break the lines no more!

TheRoyal Georgeis gone,

His iron rule is o'er—

And he and his directors

Shall break the lines no more!

King Hudson's Downfall

In the same vein are the proposals that Hudson should be the chief "Guy" on November 5, and be appointed governor of a convict settlement on the Isle of Dogs. Simultaneously improvements are noted in the quickening of the transit to Paris, the increase of excursions, and the beginning ofvoyages de luxe.

But the note of complaint and dissatisfaction prevails. The discomfort, danger, unpunctuality and discourtesy endured by railway passengers are rubbed in with wearisome reiteration. In 1852Punchironically comments on the patience of the British public, "content to travel in railway pens, like sheep to the slaughter, injured, deluded, derided, only bleating in return," and concludes his summary of recent protests from correspondents ofThe Timeswith the remark:—

Railway accidents, railway frauds, railway impertinence are the staple of our daily newspaper-reading. Railway chairmen and directors are descending to the knavery, extortion, impudence, and brutality from which cabmen are rising in the scale of manners and morals. And, as aforesaid, the British public stands all this with passive mournfulness, quiet endurance, meek, inactive expostulation.

Undertaker proffering a business card.RAILWAY UNDERTAKINGTouter: "Going by this train, Sir?"Passenger: "'M? Eh? Yes."Touter: "Allow me, then, to give you one of my cards, Sir."

RAILWAY UNDERTAKING

Touter: "Going by this train, Sir?"

Passenger: "'M? Eh? Yes."

Touter: "Allow me, then, to give you one of my cards, Sir."

The directors of the L. & N.W.R. are severely criticised for overworking their engine drivers,à proposof a well-authenticated case of a man who had been on duty for thirtyhours without relief or opportunity to rest. "If dividends demand economy, and economy necessitates the employment of one man to do the work of six, the only thing to be done for public safety is to get a man with an iron constitution," andPunchaccordingly suggests that the directors should provide themselves with engine drivers entirely composed of that metal. Complaints of dangerous railways continue to the end of the period under review, and in 1856Punchis still of opinion that we might take a leaf out of the book of theRussians, who carry surgeons on their trains. Undertakers he had already suggested as a part of the normal equipment of expresses.

"Bradshaw: A Mystery"

A witty bishop once scandalized his hearers by bracketingBradshawwith the Bible as an indispensable book. Bradshaw'sRailway Time Tableswere first issued in 1839; the monthly guide dates from December, 1841; it was not, however, until 1856 thatPunchbegan to realize the elements of comedy underlying that austere document, and utilized them in a little play calledBradshaw: A Mystery, describing the separation, adventures and ultimate reunion of two harassed lovers. Love may laugh at locksmiths, butBradshawis another matter. Here is the happy ending of this romantic libel:—

Leonora.Oh, don't talk ofBradshaw!Bradshawhas nearly maddened me.Orlando. And me.He talks of trains arriving that ne'er start;Of trains that seem to start, and ne'er arrive;Of junctions where no union is effected;Of coaches meeting trains that never come;Of trains to catch a coach that never goes;Of trains that start after they have arrived;Of trains arriving long before they leave.He bids us "see" some page that can't be found;Or if 'tis found, it speaks of spots remoteFrom those we seek to reach! ByBradshaw'saidYou've tried to get to London—I attemptedTo get to Liverpool—and here we are,At Chester—'Tis a junction—I'm contentOur union—at this junction—to cement.And let us hope, nor you nor I againMay be attacked withBradshawon the brain.Leonora.I'm happy now! My husband!Orlando.Ah, my bride!Henceforth take me—notBradshaw—for your guide.The curtain falls.

Leonora.Oh, don't talk ofBradshaw!

Bradshawhas nearly maddened me.

Orlando. And me.

He talks of trains arriving that ne'er start;

Of trains that seem to start, and ne'er arrive;

Of junctions where no union is effected;

Of coaches meeting trains that never come;

Of trains to catch a coach that never goes;

Of trains that start after they have arrived;

Of trains arriving long before they leave.

He bids us "see" some page that can't be found;

Or if 'tis found, it speaks of spots remote

From those we seek to reach! ByBradshaw'said

You've tried to get to London—I attempted

To get to Liverpool—and here we are,

At Chester—'Tis a junction—I'm content

Our union—at this junction—to cement.

And let us hope, nor you nor I again

May be attacked withBradshawon the brain.

Leonora.I'm happy now! My husband!

Orlando.Ah, my bride!

Henceforth take me—notBradshaw—for your guide.

The curtain falls.

"Orlando's" speech is a good summary of the humours ofBradshawas analysed inPunch's"Comic Guide" some years later.

From steam to electricity the transition is obvious.Punchnotes the adoption of the "Electro-Magnetic Telegraph" by the Great Western Railway in the summer of 1844. In 1845 we read of an electric gun to fire 1,000 balls a minute. The laying of a submarine cable from Dover to Calais is discussed in 1846, but was not realized till five years afterwards, whenPunchhailed the completion of the scheme as a new link between the two countries and celebrated it in a cartoon and a sonnet.

Already the influence of electricity on international relations had been foreshadowed, and in the same year in which Palmerston repudiated responsibility for the welcome of Kossuth in EnglandPunchrudely described his message as "electric lying." The days of "wireless diplomacy" in the old sense of the epithet were passing, to the embarrassment of representatives who were within immediate hail of the central Government. Soon we begin to hear complaints of the new service on the score of delays and excessive charges, and when an earthquake shock was felt "for the first time" in Ireland in the winter of 1852,Punchnotes that a writer in theLimerick Chronicleattributed it to the atmospheric influence of the electric telegraph! Electricity as an illuminant elicited an optimistic if somewhat previous eulogy in 1849; and cooking by electricity is foreshadowed in 1857. The laying of the transatlantic cable is welcomed long before it was an accomplished fact, butPunch'scompliments had a sting in their tail when he wrote the following lines:—

AMERICAN JOURNALISM IN A NEW LINE

It is much to be hoped that the telegraph wire,About to be laid down, will not form a lyre,On which to strike discord 'twixt the old world and new;Though scarce can we hope all its messages true,For then t'other side would have nothing to do.

It is much to be hoped that the telegraph wire,

About to be laid down, will not form a lyre,

On which to strike discord 'twixt the old world and new;

Though scarce can we hope all its messages true,

For then t'other side would have nothing to do.

Punch'sinterest in aeronautics dates from his earliest infancy, though his mixture of prophecy and satire is rather confusing.Designs of aerial steamships abound in his columns; and one of them is not too bad an anticipation of the aeroplane.

Representation of an aeroplane.AERIAL STEAM CARRIAGE

AERIAL STEAM CARRIAGE

Aviation Forecasts

In 1845 there was actually a periodical calledThe Balloon, thoughPunchis jocular at the expense of its very limitedclientèle. Still, though the number of aeronauts was few, their enterprise attracted a great deal of attention, and Green, who made 526 ascents between 1821 and 1852, including his famous trip from Vauxhall to Weilburg in Nassau, is frequently mentioned.Punch, to his credit, inveighed vehemently against the senseless inhumanity of aeronautic acrobats who made a practice of taking up animals with them. He was less fortunate in his dogmatic pronouncement in 1851 that the balloon was a "perfectly useless invention," and in his scornful dismissal, four years later, of the suggestion that it might be useful in warfare:—

Everybody, including, of course, all the nobodies, would seem to have some peculiar plan for finishing off the war in a successful and expeditious manner. The last place we should look for the means of carrying on hostilities with vigour is up in the air; but, nevertheless, an aeronaut has "stepped in" upon the public with a suggestion that balloons are the means required for the siege of Sebastopol and the smashing of Cronstadt. If this theory is correct, Lord Raglan ought at once to be superseded by the "veteran Green" or the "intrepid" Mrs. Graham.

One of the "intrepids," who has gained a high position by his balloon, has published a dialogue between himself and a general, who is, of course, represented as soon beating a retreat in an argument against the employment of balloons in battle. The aeronaut proposes to hover in his balloon over the enemy's position, and take observations of what is passing, but he forgets that a passing shot might happen to catch his eye in a rather disagreeable manner. The aeronaut undertakes not only to observe, but to make himself the subject of observation by a series of signals, through the medium of which he proposes to point out the movements of the enemy. This is to be effected by an apparatus which, as it would of course be at the mercy of the wind, would be blown about in all directions possibly, except that which it ought to take, and thus the signals would be converted into signal failures. The aeronaut also proposes using his balloon for "destructive purposes," by taking up some shells, which should be "light to lift but terrible to fall," and so arranged as to avoid the fate of Captain Warner's invention, "whose balloon," we are told by the aeronaut himself, "went off in an opposite direction to what he had intended.""And by what means," answers the general, "would you let off your missiles?""Either by fuses," answers the aeronaut, "a liberating trigger, or an electric communication, or byanother contrivancewhich you must excuse me, general, for not mentioning, as I hold ita secret."This "secret" will probably be kept to all eternity, and, at all events, until it is revealed we must be excused for refusing to call on Lord Aberdeen to adopt balloons for warfare, or to blow up the Commander-in-Chief literally sky high, till he makes the air the basis of military operations.

"And by what means," answers the general, "would you let off your missiles?"

"Either by fuses," answers the aeronaut, "a liberating trigger, or an electric communication, or byanother contrivancewhich you must excuse me, general, for not mentioning, as I hold ita secret."

This "secret" will probably be kept to all eternity, and, at all events, until it is revealed we must be excused for refusing to call on Lord Aberdeen to adopt balloons for warfare, or to blow up the Commander-in-Chief literally sky high, till he makes the air the basis of military operations.

Some enthusiasts certainly laid themselves open to ridicule. In 1849 a certain J. Browne advertised a "balloon railway to California" as both "safe and cheap." Captain Warner, again, ruled himself out of court by his refusal to explain the secret of his alleged inventions—the long-range torpedo and the bomb-dropping balloon—to the committee appointed to report thereon until he had been assured of the payment of £200,000 for each. Still, he cannot be denied the credit, such as it is, of having foreshadowed two of the deadliest and most destructive engines of modern warfare.Punchat first lent Warner a certain measure of support, until careful inquiry had shown him to be both untrustworthy and intractable.

Two angels swimming carrying an olive branch.EFFECT OF THE SUBMARINE TELEGRAPH; OR, PEACE AND GOOD WILL BETWEEN ENGLAND AND FRANCE

EFFECT OF THE SUBMARINE TELEGRAPH; OR, PEACE AND GOOD WILL BETWEEN ENGLAND AND FRANCE

Flock of geese flying towards California.YeWild Goose Chase after YeGolden Calfe.THE GOLD CRAZE IN 1849

YeWild Goose Chase after YeGolden Calfe.THE GOLD CRAZE IN 1849

The railway "boom" had stimulated that first infirmity of ignoble minds—the desire to "get rich quick"—and cupidity, balked of its expectations, turned eagerly towards the goldfields to satisfy its longings. In 1849 California was the Mecca of the gold craze, and there is hardly a number ofPunchin this year which does not refer to the stampede from Europe to the diggings—"the wild-goose chase after the golden calf," as he called it. It was a gold fever in more senses than one, since the diggers suffered terribly from disease, which led to the cynical suggestion that convicts should be sent there, as they were not likely to return. Cobden, still in high favour withPunchas the apostle of national economy, was busy preaching Peace, Retrenchment and Reform, but his efforts were powerless to stem the tide of speculation.

In 1850 we find a reference to the glut of bullion at the Bank, a state of affairs long strangely unfamiliar. In 1851 the opening of the goldfields in Australia diverted the stream of speculative emigration from California to the antipodes, and this new phase of theauri sacra famesdoes not escapePunch'snotice, though no mention is made of the curious fact that amongst those who were lured to the diggings was Lord Robert Cecil, afterwards Marquess of Salisbury. Alongside of the evidences of the great expansion of commerce and national prosperity we find frequent references to the growth ofgambling. In 1852Punch'spages abound in allusions, in text and illustrations, to the betting mania—to gulls and pigeons and sharks. "Profiteering" was rampant in the Crimean War, andPunchis eloquent in his denunciation of the contractors who supplied shoddy equipment and bad guns. And the aftermath of the war included, besides other familiar sources of discontent, "defalcations, embezzlements and other cases of gross and enormous dishonesty." It was a time of speculation and peculation, of bank smashes and absconding directors—those of the Royal British Bank coming in for special execration. The fraudulent banker is singled out byPunchas the arch-rogue and thief who excited the envy of the burglar, since the banker stole more and escaped unpunished. The brothers Sadleir are specially selected for dishonourable mention in 1856, but John Sadleir, M.P. for Carlow and an ex-Lord of the Treasury, who was the original of Mr. Merdle inLittle Dorrit, and was described inThe Timesafter his death as a "national calamity," only escaped punishment by suicide.

Novelties and Anticipations

As we survey the various new inventions, novel devices and anticipations mentioned in the pages ofPunch, we are tempted to exclaim, in the hackneyed phrase, that there is nothing new under the sun. A "Glaciarium" with artificial ice is noted in the autumn of 1843. "Euphonia," or the speaking machine, invented and exhibited by Professor Faber at the Egyptian Hall in 1846, was an automaton, and can hardly be regarded as a lineal ancestor of the gramophone. The "patent mile-index cab" in 1847, on the other hand, was a genuine harbinger of the taxi, but the time was not ripe for its general adoption.Punch'saccount of "Talking by Telegraph," in the autumn of 1848, is no more than a piece of intelligent anticipation. The telephone voice, however, is happily hit off in the remark that "we have heard of a singer's voice being rather wiry at times; but there will be something very trying in the perpetual twang of the new mode of small talk that is recommended to us," a comment of 1848. The beneficent side of the discovery of anæsthetics is lightly passed over inPunch'searlier references to this revolution in surgery in 1847, which suggest its application to politicians or its use by hen-peckedhusbands. Here only ether is mentioned, but the "blessings of chloroform" are discussed a few months later in the same jocular spirit. Incubators, the sewing machine and phonetic spelling are among the wonders of the wonderful year of 1848. Pitman and the "Fonetik Nuz" furnishPunchwith food for mirth in 1849; the claims of the discoverer of "Xyloidine," a new motive power to take the place of steam, are treated with frivolous scepticism more justifiable than that shown byPunchtowards ironclads in 1850. In 1851 the novelties included "Electro-biology,"i.e.hypnotism; shoeblacks; electric clocks; false legs,[6]invented by Palmer, an American; and the supply of tea to the Navy. "Noiseless wheels" in 1853 suggest the advent of the age of rubber; but Robert W. Thomson had taken out his patent for india-rubber tyres in 1845. Steam ploughs, gas-stoves for cooking and central heating for houses followed in rapid succession in 1853 and 1854.Punch'sironical suggestions in the latter year for the comfort and convenience of Cockney travellers in the ascent of Snowdon are only one of many instances where the mocking fancy of one generation becomes the fact of its successor.

The "new pillar boxes" must be added to the features of 1854; their colour harmonized with the red coats then worn by the postmen; while the scheme to propel mail bags through tubes by atmospheric pressure was put forward as early as 1855. Massage appears as the new "movement cure" by kneading and pressing, videPunch, 1856, but he, however, was not solely interested in beneficent inventions. Lord Dundonald's famous "secret war plan," originally proposed in 1811, and rejected by a secret Committee presided over by the Duke of York, who pronounced it "infallible, irresistible, but inhuman," was revived after the inventor's readmission to the British Navy, and urged on the Admiralty and Government during the Crimean War. It was again rejected on the score of its inhumanity, thoughPunchwelcomed the plan, withoutknowing exactly what it was, and besought the Government to cast away scruples and useanythingagainst such an enemy as Russia. Whatever may have been "Dundonald's plan" was never divulged, it remained a nameless mystery. The new nomenclature evolved by the triumphs of applied science in humaner directions led to a good deal of controversy, notably over the introduction of the word "telegram" as a substitute for "telegraphic despatch." The shorter form was first officially used in 1855 (see thePanmure Papers) by Lord Clarendon, but scholars and men of letters protested vigorously against this Yankee barbarism. Shilleto, the famous Cambridge scholar, suggested "telegrapheme." He did not want it, but it was at least properly constructed on Greek analogies. Oxford, asPunchnotices in 1857, supported the modern form, and here for once, at any rate, abandoned her traditional espousal of lost causes.

Telegram or Telegrapheme?

In general,Punch, as a moderate reformer, deals impartially with the contending claims of science and the classical curriculum. He believed in the liberalizing influence of the humanities, while he denounced academic arrogance, pedantry and exclusiveness. He might be described as a mitigated modernist in these years, in which he advocated the popularization of science by means of Institutes and similar centres of enlightenment, and welcomed new inventions—while reserving to himself the right to burlesque their possibilities, and to ridicule the pretensions of pompous professors and futile philosophers. He was at one with those rationalists who waged war on superstition and credulity, but he realized better than they did how deeply entrenched the enemy was in high places, and how mistaken was the view that the victory was already won. The friendly lines which he addressed to Faraday in 1853 are mere halting doggerel, but they are worth recalling, if only for their sound doctrine, which is as much needed to-day as it was sixty-seven years ago:—

Oh, Mr. Faraday, simple Mr. Faraday!Did you of enlightenment consider this an age?Bless your simplicity, deep in electricity,But in social matters, unsophisticated sage!Weak superstition dead; knocked safely on the head,Long since buried deeper than the bed of the Red Sea,Did you not fondly fancy? Did you think that necromancyPractised now at the expense of any fool could be?Oh, Mr. Faraday, simple Mr. Faraday!Persons not uneducated—very highly dressed—Fine folks as peer and peeress, go and fee a Yankee seeress,To evoke their dead relations' Spirits from their rest.Also seek cunning men, feigning by mesmeric ken,Missing property to trace and indicate the thief,Cure ailments, give predictions: all of these enormous fictionsAre, among our higher classes, matters of belief.Oh, Mr. Faraday, simple Mr. Faraday!Guided by the steady light which mighty Bacon lit,You naturally stare, seeing that so many areFollowing whither fraudulent Jack-with-the-lanterns flit.Of scientific lore though you have an ample store,Gotten by experiments, in one respect you lack;Society's weak side, whereupon you none have tried,Being all philosopher and nothing of a quack.

Oh, Mr. Faraday, simple Mr. Faraday!

Did you of enlightenment consider this an age?

Bless your simplicity, deep in electricity,

But in social matters, unsophisticated sage!

Weak superstition dead; knocked safely on the head,

Long since buried deeper than the bed of the Red Sea,

Did you not fondly fancy? Did you think that necromancy

Practised now at the expense of any fool could be?

Oh, Mr. Faraday, simple Mr. Faraday!Persons not uneducated—very highly dressed—Fine folks as peer and peeress, go and fee a Yankee seeress,To evoke their dead relations' Spirits from their rest.Also seek cunning men, feigning by mesmeric ken,Missing property to trace and indicate the thief,Cure ailments, give predictions: all of these enormous fictionsAre, among our higher classes, matters of belief.

Oh, Mr. Faraday, simple Mr. Faraday!

Persons not uneducated—very highly dressed—

Fine folks as peer and peeress, go and fee a Yankee seeress,

To evoke their dead relations' Spirits from their rest.

Also seek cunning men, feigning by mesmeric ken,

Missing property to trace and indicate the thief,

Cure ailments, give predictions: all of these enormous fictions

Are, among our higher classes, matters of belief.

Oh, Mr. Faraday, simple Mr. Faraday!Guided by the steady light which mighty Bacon lit,You naturally stare, seeing that so many areFollowing whither fraudulent Jack-with-the-lanterns flit.Of scientific lore though you have an ample store,Gotten by experiments, in one respect you lack;Society's weak side, whereupon you none have tried,Being all philosopher and nothing of a quack.

Oh, Mr. Faraday, simple Mr. Faraday!

Guided by the steady light which mighty Bacon lit,

You naturally stare, seeing that so many are

Following whither fraudulent Jack-with-the-lanterns flit.

Of scientific lore though you have an ample store,

Gotten by experiments, in one respect you lack;

Society's weak side, whereupon you none have tried,

Being all philosopher and nothing of a quack.

[5]Punchwas especially wroth with the "3 minutes for scalding soup" at Wolverton and Swindon.

[6]Henry Heather Bigg (1826-81), the surgical instrument maker, who made the substitutes for the lost limbs of soldiers in the Crimean War, is mentioned in 1856 (Vol. xxx., p. 28).

Education in the 'forties was the Cinderella of the Legislature. Parliament, it is true, spent laborious hours in discussing the theory of education, but in debating the principle overlooked the practice. Money was doled out in homœopathic doses. In 1841 the sum of £10,000 was voted for the education of the people in the same session in which £70,000 was voted for the Royal Stables at Windsor, a contrast whichPunchhad not forgotten five years later. The direct connexion between ignorance and crime was constantly forced on the attention of humane magistrates. When the Lord Mayor of London, in January, 1846, declared that "society was responsible for the contamination to which poor children were subjected," and that there was no calamity, to his way of thinking, "comparable to that which sprang from the bringing up of youth in habits and practices of idleness and vice,"Punchfound himself in the unfamiliar position of being called upon to eulogize a functionary who as a rule never gave him a chance. "Juvenile delinquents," he points out, were "as much reared for Newgate as many of the beautiful babies, taking their morning airings in the parks, are reared for hereditary legislators." In another graphically brusque passage describing the transportation for life of four lads aged from 18 to 21, we read "they were brought up as brutes, and society reaps the terrible fruits of their rearing." Hullah's music classes for the people at Exeter Hall in 1842 were excellent in their way, but the solace of song was a doubtful boon in the Hungry 'Forties, and thoughPunchsupported the establishment of schools of cookery throughout the kingdom, the supply of things to cook was more urgently needed. The years rolled on, the Corn Laws were repealed, and prosperity revived, but illiteracy remained, and it was due in the country districts, inPunch'sview, to the fact that "contending zealotscannot agree with what theological mysteries they shall leaven the common information which the schoolmaster is to impart to the country bumpkin."

Child sitting between two stools.THE EDUCATIONAL QUESTION

THE EDUCATIONAL QUESTION

Abysmal Ignorance

In 1850 the following dialogue was given inThe Timespolice report of Wednesday, January 9, and quoted inPunch:—

George Ruby, a boy aged 14, was put into the box to be sworn, and the Testament was put into his hand. He looked quite astonished upon taking hold of the book.Ald. Humphrey.Well, do you know what you are about? Do you know what an oath is?Boy.No.Ald. H.Do you know what a Testament is?Boy.No.Ald. H.Can you read?Boy.No.Ald.H. Do you ever say your prayers?Boy.No, never.Ald. H.Do you know what prayers are?Boy.No.Ald. H.Do you know what God is?Boy.No.Ald H.Do you know what the devil is?Boy.I've heard of the devil, but I don't know him.Ald. H.What do you know, my poor boy?Boy.I knows how to sweep the crossing.Ald. H.And that's all?Boy.That's all. I sweeps the crossing.The Alderman said he, of course, could not take the evidence of a creature who knew nothing whatever of the obligation to tell the truth.

George Ruby, a boy aged 14, was put into the box to be sworn, and the Testament was put into his hand. He looked quite astonished upon taking hold of the book.

Ald. Humphrey.Well, do you know what you are about? Do you know what an oath is?

Boy.No.

Ald. H.Do you know what a Testament is?

Boy.No.

Ald. H.Can you read?

Boy.No.

Ald.H. Do you ever say your prayers?

Boy.No, never.

Ald. H.Do you know what prayers are?

Boy.No.

Ald. H.Do you know what God is?

Boy.No.

Ald H.Do you know what the devil is?

Boy.I've heard of the devil, but I don't know him.

Ald. H.What do you know, my poor boy?

Boy.I knows how to sweep the crossing.

Ald. H.And that's all?

Boy.That's all. I sweeps the crossing.

The Alderman said he, of course, could not take the evidence of a creature who knew nothing whatever of the obligation to tell the truth.

It was to cope with this sort of destitution that the Ragged Schools movement had been started several years before. From the firstPunchlent it his hearty support, though in his first notice, in 1846, he was unable to resist the opportunity of combining his approval with a dig at the aristocracy:—

WHAT RAGGED SCHOOLS MAY COME TOIt is with peculiar satisfaction that we view the establishment of Ragged Schools in various parts of the Metropolis. We speak advisedly when we describe our satisfaction as peculiar. For it is not merely that we are rejoiced at the idea of a number of youthful mendicants being prevented from becoming thieves and pickpockets, taught to earn an honest livelihood, and rescued from vice and misery through the instrumentality of these seminaries. No; our views are much higher than such plebeian considerations as these, and they also extend far beyond the present time. We have an eye to the benefit of our posterity and to that of the superior classes generally.When we consider that Eton was established for the reception of poor and indigent scholars, and that Winchester and most of ourother public schools were, at their first foundation, charities, we may not unreasonably indulge the hope that the Ragged Schools, originally, like them, destined for the instruction of the tag-rag-and-bobtail, may ultimately become gratuitous institutions for the education of the children of the aristocracy.

WHAT RAGGED SCHOOLS MAY COME TO

It is with peculiar satisfaction that we view the establishment of Ragged Schools in various parts of the Metropolis. We speak advisedly when we describe our satisfaction as peculiar. For it is not merely that we are rejoiced at the idea of a number of youthful mendicants being prevented from becoming thieves and pickpockets, taught to earn an honest livelihood, and rescued from vice and misery through the instrumentality of these seminaries. No; our views are much higher than such plebeian considerations as these, and they also extend far beyond the present time. We have an eye to the benefit of our posterity and to that of the superior classes generally.

When we consider that Eton was established for the reception of poor and indigent scholars, and that Winchester and most of ourother public schools were, at their first foundation, charities, we may not unreasonably indulge the hope that the Ragged Schools, originally, like them, destined for the instruction of the tag-rag-and-bobtail, may ultimately become gratuitous institutions for the education of the children of the aristocracy.

Yet it was an aristocrat of the "old nobility" who started and devoted his best energies to the furtherance of the Ragged Schools movement, as all the world knows. His name is not even mentioned here, and when it is mentioned in these years is too often coupled with tasteless gibes at Lord Shaftesbury's proclivities and Sabbatarianism.Punchcould not forgive Lord Shaftesbury for his association with Exeter Hall (which toPunchmeant fireside philanthropy and Jellybyism) and his support of laws which enabled magistrates to fine boys fifteen shillings or a fortnight's wages each for playing cricket on Sunday. Sir Robert Peel had to die beforePunchdid him justice. Lord Shaftesbury was more fortunate, for thirty years before he diedPunchmade theamendein "The Earl King, or the Earl of Shaftesbury and the Juvenile Mendicant."

The Distressed Author

"The greater the employment of the primer, the less the need of the 'cat'" is an aphorism which sums up the creed of the humanitarian reformers of the 'forties and 'fifties. The "ladder of learning" was not yet planted in the modern sense, and efforts to ascend from the lower to the upper rungs were frowned upon by those in authority. At a meeting of the National Society for Promoting the Education of the Poor in June, 1849, a clerical speaker ridiculed the questions, set in an examination paper for National School teachers, which presupposed a knowledge of the works of Shakespeare, Milton, Adam Smith, Johnson and Scott, and of the Life of Mrs. Fry. Learning was at a discount; authors of note, with few exceptions—such as Thackeray and Macaulay—were generally impecunious, and sometimes on the border-land of destitution. Douglas Jerrold had a life-long struggle to keep his head above water, for all his industry. There were no royalties in those days, and forBlack-Eyed Susan, which brought tensof thousands of pounds to theatrical lessees and popular actors, he received from first to last the sum of £60.Punchwas the constant champion of the distressed author fallen on evil days, such as Joseph Haydn of theDictionary of Dates, who was granted a Civil List pension of £25 a year just three weeks before his death in January, 1856, or old Joseph Guy, "the man of many books, the ever-green 'Spelling Book' among the number." One of the finest (but posthumous) tributes to Sir Robert Peel was on the occasion of the Literary Fund dinner in 1856, when a sum of £100 was sent from the proceeds of the first portion of thePeel Papers:—

From the tomb of Sir Robert speaks the spirit that, when in the flesh and baited by the dogs of party [not to mention the bittersatire ofPunchhimself], still beneficently thought of the wants of spasmodic Haydn; still, by sympathy in word and act, smoothed the dying pillow of poor Tom Hood.

Boy buying a newspaper.Newsvendor: "Now, my man, what is it?"Boy: "I vonts a nillustrated newspaper with a norrid murder and a likeness in it."

Newsvendor: "Now, my man, what is it?"Boy: "I vonts a nillustrated newspaper with a norrid murder and a likeness in it."

The respect and admiration with which George Stephenson and Joseph Paxton were invariably treated was largely due to the fact that they were self-taught men. And when Joseph Hume died in 1855,Punch, who had so often chaffed him for his love of figures and returns, while applauding his attack on "gold lace" and extravagance, paid fitting homage to the perseverance which enabled him to fight his way up from poverty and obscurity, to his rugged honesty, his hard-won triumphs, and his honourable participation in all victories over wrong in Church and State. An alarming ignorance, however, was not monopolized by the lower orders. In his scheme for the reform of the House of LordsPunchsuggests that peers should only be admitted to the Upper House after an examination in the three R's, history, geography and political economy. Geography even in our own enlightened days remains a stumbling-block to Ministers, even Prime Ministers. Disraeli's ignorance of arithmetic on the occasion of his appointment as Chancellor of the Exchequer in the Derby Cabinet is a frequent source of ribaldry inPunch, who suggested the establishment of an infants' school for the new Cabinet. So recently as the eve of the twentieth century a Chancellor of the Exchequer was reported to have been so ignorant of decimals that he asked what was meant by those "damned dots."

The Education Bill of 1856

Reverting to elementary education, we can find no better commentary on its progress in the mid 'fifties than two extracts fromPunch's"Essence of Parliament" in the spring of 1856:—

Thursday, March 6th. In the Commons, Lord John Russell moved a series of resolutions on the subject of Education, and afterwards withdrew them. What they were, therefore, does not seem to be a matter of any very overwhelming interest, especially as he threatens them again on the 10th of April. His plan, however, comprised a sort of timid notion of a rate not to be altogether voluntary; but the fact, disclosed by the census of 1851, that of four millions of our children, between five and fifteen years of age, twomillions are proved to be on no school list at all, while a great mass of the other two millions are receiving the most miserable tuition, did not excite either Lord John, or our Blessed House of Representatives, into an indignant declaration that the childrenshouldbe taught, that the nation should pay for their teaching, and that the parents who hindered or neglected the work should be punished. On the contrary, they chattered and talked commonplace, and complimented one another, and an old Dissenting Attorney called Hadfield[7]said that the people were taught as well as any other people, which he proved from the fact that they wrote and posted a great many letters; and he opposed all further interference. Having thus got rid of the Education of the Poor, the House went on to the Education of the Rich, and had a discussion on the Oxford Reforms, but it also ended in nothing.Thursday, April 10th. The House of Commons was occupied during this night and the next with discussing Lord John Russell's Education resolutions. They were opposed, of course, by representatives of the Church, of Dissent, and of the Manchester school: the first think that their religion only should be taught by the State; the second that their religion only should be taught, but not by the State; and the third that no religion should be taught at all. It is needless to say that Government has no practical views on the subject, but like all half-hearted people contrived to get the worst in the fray.

Thursday, April 10th. The House of Commons was occupied during this night and the next with discussing Lord John Russell's Education resolutions. They were opposed, of course, by representatives of the Church, of Dissent, and of the Manchester school: the first think that their religion only should be taught by the State; the second that their religion only should be taught, but not by the State; and the third that no religion should be taught at all. It is needless to say that Government has no practical views on the subject, but like all half-hearted people contrived to get the worst in the fray.

Child pointing to a monkey.AWFUL EXAMPLE OF INFANT PRECOCITY.Prodigy: "Mamma! Look dere, dere Papa!"

AWFUL EXAMPLE OF INFANT PRECOCITY.

Prodigy: "Mamma! Look dere, dere Papa!"

In July, 1856, at the end of the session, the Education Bill for England and Scotland figured in the "Massacre of the Innocents," sixteen in all. As a set-off the Cambridge University Bill introduced some useful reforms, though it failed to secure the admission of Dissenters; and a Minister for Education was created under the title of Vice-President of the Committee of the Council of Education. ButPunch, in these years at any rate, had no love for the older universities. He regarded them, and especially Oxford, as the strongholds of mediævalism, obscurantism, and all the "isms" against which he was always tilting in Church and State; and he seldom failed to satirize the opposition of academic authorities to inquiry and reform. The romance of "the home of lost causes" made no appealto his practical mind. Yet of classical scholarship and the classical curriculum he was a loyal supporter. Classical allusions, quotations and parallels abound in his pages: he even printed translations in doggerel Greek by Dr. Kenealy. But the education of the masses was his prime concern, and after the fiasco of 1856 Parliament remained inactive for nearly six years—until the notable measure, establishing the principle of "payment by results," was introduced by Lowe in 1862. In this context it may be noted that as early as 1848Punchavowed his belief in the value of making lessons interesting to children:—

The reason why school books are so dreary to the child is because they are full of subjects he has no sympathy with. Children's books should be written for children. The child may be father to the man, but that is no reason why he should be treated with literature which is only fit for a father.... If battles are to be fought before children they should be fought with tin soldiers.... Study shouldbe made into a good romp, learning turned into a game, and children then could run into the schoolroom with the same eagerness they rush now into the playground.

Anderson surrounded by children.HOMAGE TO HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN

HOMAGE TO HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN

A Child's Letter to Hans Anderson

Here we have a crude anticipation of the Montessori system, around which so much controversy rages to-day.Punchhas always been a lover of children, gentle and simple, but at the same time a faithful critic of theenfant terribleand of juvenile precocity. One of the most delightful letters that ever appeared in his pages was the genuine epistle from a little girl printed in the issue of January 10, 1857:—

"My Dear Mr. Punch,"we Hope you are Quite well and i wish you many Happy returns of Christmas and i hope you will Excuse me riting to You but mamma Says you allways are Fond of little people so i Hope you will Excuse as me and charley read in the illusterated London [News] that Mr. Hans Christian anderson is Coming to spend His Hollidays in England And We shold like to see Him becase he as Made us All so Happy with is Betiful storys the ugly duck the Top and the ball the snow Quen the Red shoes the Storks little ida the Constant tinsoldier great claws and Little Claws the darning Neddle and All the rest of Them and it says in the illustat [several attempts, a smear, and the spelling evaded] Paper the children shold Meet him in the Crys-pallace and we shold Liketo Go and tell him how much We Love him for his betiful stores do you know the tinder box and tommelise and charley liks the wild Swans best but i Hope you will Excuse bad riting and i Am"Yours affectionate"Nelly.charley says i Have not put in wat We ment if you please Will you put In punch wat everybody is to Do to let Mr. hans Ansen know how Glad we are He is Coming."

"My Dear Mr. Punch,

"we Hope you are Quite well and i wish you many Happy returns of Christmas and i hope you will Excuse me riting to You but mamma Says you allways are Fond of little people so i Hope you will Excuse as me and charley read in the illusterated London [News] that Mr. Hans Christian anderson is Coming to spend His Hollidays in England And We shold like to see Him becase he as Made us All so Happy with is Betiful storys the ugly duck the Top and the ball the snow Quen the Red shoes the Storks little ida the Constant tinsoldier great claws and Little Claws the darning Neddle and All the rest of Them and it says in the illustat [several attempts, a smear, and the spelling evaded] Paper the children shold Meet him in the Crys-pallace and we shold Liketo Go and tell him how much We Love him for his betiful stores do you know the tinder box and tommelise and charley liks the wild Swans best but i Hope you will Excuse bad riting and i Am

"Yours affectionate

"Nelly.

charley says i Have not put in wat We ment if you please Will you put In punch wat everybody is to Do to let Mr. hans Ansen know how Glad we are He is Coming."

We hope that Hans Andersen—who, by the way, as a writer of fairy stories is regarded with disfavour by Madame Montessori—saw this letter. On the relations of parents and children generally, two ofPunch'saphorisms are not without their bearing on present-day conditions. In the year 1844 theComic Blackstonereads: "Children owe their parents support; but this is a mutual obligation, for they must support each other, though we sometimes hear them declaring each other wholly insupportable." And the other, under the heading "The World's Nursery," runs: "The spoilt children of the present age rarely turn out the great men of the next." It should be added, as some readers will remember, that in neither of the decades under review were the children of the poor in any danger of being spoiled.

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