Chapter 2

Talk not of plots and plans that, ripening slow,Are by this death struck down with blast and blight;We have no thought but for that mother's woe,The darkness of that childless widow's night.

Talk not of plots and plans that, ripening slow,

Are by this death struck down with blast and blight;

We have no thought but for that mother's woe,

The darkness of that childless widow's night.

Unfortunately, the raising of the question of a memorial to the Prince in Westminster Abbey inducedPunchto abandon his resolve of reticence, and prompted other "thoughts," which he expressed with more vigour than good taste. There is no proof that the suggestion emanated from Dean Stanley, asPunchimplies, though the Dean certainly favoured a proposal for which a strong precedent could be found in the burial in Henry VII's chapel of the Duc de Montpensier (the younger brother of Louis Philippe) who died an exile in England in 1807. Public opinion was divided, but democratic sentiment prevailed, and in deference to a hostile vote in the Commons the scheme was withdrawn.

Turnerelli's "Tribute"

The waning splendours of the Beaconsfieldrégimewere not revived by the launching of one of the last of his phrases, "Imperium et Libertas."Punchonly saw in it "the catchword of a self-seeking swaggerer." Great men suffer much at the hands of injudicious admirers, and the "People's Tribute" to Lord Beaconsfield organized by an amiable enthusiast, heavily weighted by the unpropitious name of Tracy Turnerelli, must have been a sore trial to the Premier, while it suppliedPunchwith food for mirth for the best part of a year. The subscriptions of the million were invited to purchase a gold wreath, but after a little while Mr. Turnerelli had to appeal for further funds to clear off a deficit. Later on, when the Tribute had been finally refused by Lord Beaconsfield, Mr. Turnerellioffered to hand over the wreath to one of our great national museums, if a suitable case were provided. He also suggested that he might be reimbursed for his out-of-pocket expenses in getting up the Tribute.Punchrecommended that he should pocket the affront and hand over the "Tribute" to Madame Tussaud's, where he had already appeared in wax. This is what actually happened, and in November, 1879,Punchsardonically records the fulfilment of his suggestion.

Prince Imperial gazing into sunset.SUNSET(After B. R. Haydon.)

SUNSET(After B. R. Haydon.)

The disquieting news from the Afghan frontier led to a serious attack on the Government early in 1880, an attack in whichPunchvigorously joined, publishing a list of questionsall animated by misgiving and by distrust of Lord Beaconsfield's phrases and Lord Lytton's policy and silence. The tension was relieved by Lord Roberts' famous march to Kandahar, and on his return to England in the autumnPunchrepresented him as snowed under by invitations to complimentary banquets, and invoked the shade of Wellington to congratulate him on his celerity. Meanwhile, however, Parliament had been dissolved in March, and the verdict of 1874 completely reversed at the General Election.Punchhailed Gladstone triumphing with his axe over Lord Dalkeith, and borne aloft on a shield by Harcourt, Hartington, and Bright, under the heading, "Hail to the Chief." As a pendant we have the cartoons in which Lord Beaconsfield is eclipsed by the sun of Liberalism or watches the sinking of the sun of Popularity, and the verses in which the parting Sphinx soliloquizes on his methods of leadership—appeals to sentiment and passion and the deft use and reiteration of phrases which intoxicate the masses.

When the House reassembled, it was to find the Irish Question still further complicated by the activities of the Land League and the No Rent Campaign. There was also another burning question—that of the Parliamentary Oath—which the return of Mr. Bradlaugh made a matter of urgency.Punch, as the "sturdiest of Protestants, was perforce the staunch supporter of the right of private judgment which is the corner-stone of Protestantism." Also he frankly admitted that he had no desire to see Mr. Bradlaugh made a martyr. His point of view is developed with refreshing common sense in the following argument:—

The House has swallowed such a succession of camels, Quakers and Separatists, Moravians and Jews, Latitudinarians and Platitudinarians, Unitarians and Humanitarians, Anythingarians and Nothingarians, and now it is straining over such a gnat as poor Mr. Bradlaugh, natural representative of the Northampton Shoemakers, who object to the immortality of the Sole, and spell the word indifferently with or without a "u" and an "e."Irish TroublesThe time has surely passed when the House should seek shelter against objectionable beliefs or unbeliefs, behind such delusive defences as oaths and tests. "Let the Swearers swear, and the Sayers say," the Law has proclaimed, in all Courts. Why, then, not inthe High Court of Parliament—the Court of Courts—the very conduit and fountain-head of Law?

Irish Troubles

The time has surely passed when the House should seek shelter against objectionable beliefs or unbeliefs, behind such delusive defences as oaths and tests. "Let the Swearers swear, and the Sayers say," the Law has proclaimed, in all Courts. Why, then, not inthe High Court of Parliament—the Court of Courts—the very conduit and fountain-head of Law?

Unluckily the collective wisdom of the House was slow to accept this view, and the inevitable conclusion was only arrived at after a great expenditure of time and a great loss of temper. Bradlaugh was ejected and finally admitted; but the pacification of Ireland seemed farther off than ever. Gladstone was anxious to proceed with the further instalment of his policy of conciliation inaugurated by the Disestablishment of the Irish Church in his previous administration, butPunchsummed up his difficulties pretty accurately in the cartoon of November 20, 1880, in which Law tells Liberty to wait until Ireland first learned to respect her.Punchregarded the Land League as sheer anarchy; it was the League and not the Government who practised Coercion. He summoned up the shade of Dan O'Connell to condemn outrages and the tyranny of "Captain Moonlight." But posthumous evocations are seldom of any avail; and O'Connell's was no longer a name to conjure with. In the year 1880, "Boycott" ceased to be a surname, and became an engine of political intimidation, while in the House obstructionist methods continued, culminating in the suspension of some thirty Irish M.P.sen masseearly in 1881. Irish "scenes" were frequent and only excitedPunch'sdisgust. At the same time he administered a severe rap over the knuckles to the "Honourable the Irish Society of London" for maladministering their funds, pauperizing prosperous towns and neglecting to subsidize deserving poverty or encourage Irish industries. The appeal to the Queen, the Prince and Princess of Wales and the Duke of Connaught to visit Ireland, signed, "Larry Doolan of the Irish Jaunting Car," is shorn of all its cogency by the Transpontine Donnybrook Fair language in which it is couched.Punchhas been a frequent offender in this respect; and also in his representations of the Irish peasant. It did not really help the cause of Unionism to portray Fenians and Land Leaguers with baboon-like faces. Dan O'Connell, whomPunchagain evoked from the shades, this time to play Virgil to Gladstone's Dante in the Irish "Inferno," though he was a potato-faced Irishman, would have resented this method ofcriticism. As a matter of fact,Punchwas so seriously remonstrated with for his Irish cartoons that he published a long article in self-defence and justification of his methods, maintaining that he never hit the weaker side because itwasthe weaker side, but because that side at the time appeared to be in the wrong:—

CartoonTHE IRISH "INFERNO""Death, violent death, and painful wounds upon his neighbour he inflicts; and wastes, by devastation, pillage, and the flames, his substance."—Dante, Canto XI.

THE IRISH "INFERNO"

"Death, violent death, and painful wounds upon his neighbour he inflicts; and wastes, by devastation, pillage, and the flames, his substance."—Dante, Canto XI.

Punch and Ireland

The Ogreish character is the embodiment of the spirit of Lawlessness, of Anarchy, and of that Communism which, by its recent No Rent manifesto, has now drawn down upon itself the just condemnation of such men as the Archbishops of Dublin and Cashel. Houghingand mutilating dumb animals, maiming men and women, and shooting defenceless victims, are ugly crimes, and the embodiment of them in one single figure cannot be made too hideous or too repulsive. On the other hand,Punchhas consistently and persistently kept before the public his ideal classic figure of Hibernia, graceful, gentle, tender, loving but "distressful," as being more or less in fear of that Ogre, her evil genius, from whose bondage may she soon be free; and then, mistress of herself, with peace and plenty in her land, blessed with wise Administration and Local Government, in happy and unbroken union with her sister, England, with a regal residence in her midst, may she see the emerald gem of the Western World set glittering in the crown of one who will be no longer a stranger.

Punchwas moved to return to the subject in September, 1882, in order to repel the attacks made on him by theSpectatorand theNineteenth Century. The latter had not been sparing of rebuke:—

"No savages have ever been so mercilessly held up to loathing mockery as the Irish peasants by the one comic paper in Europe which has been most honourably distinguished for its restraint and decorum and good nature."

Here the defence takes the form of an imaginary trial before L.J. Public Opinion, in which Hibernia gives evidence inPunch'sfavour on the strength of cartoons published from 1844 onwards. Of course,Punchis acquitted and pronounced to have triumphantly refuted a calumnious attack. This much, however, must be admitted toPunch'scredit, that he did not regard the campaign of outrage and defiance of the Law in Ireland as a reason for withholding remedial legislation, but supported Gladstone's measures designed to promote a settlement of the Land question.

Over the war with the Transvaal in 1881Punchfound it hard to find thejustum medium. The true estimate of the situation was no more to be found in the view of the "excellent law-abiding people who would send off a British army of 15,000 men to crush out a rebellious enterprise," than in the demands of the enthusiastic humanitarians who would give "a struggling community their legitimate liberty."Punchfrankly admitted that the Boers had been brutal to the natives, had shown an inability to govern themselves,and by their unfitness either to establish or extend civilization had almost jeopardized the hold of the white man on South Africa altogether. Yet he supported the Boers in their contention that the Proclamation of Sir Theophilus Shepstone in 1877 was invalid. There was wrong and right upon both sides. Writing in January, 1881, he expressed the hope that a pacific settlement might be arrived at by a Cabinet "not deficient either in the ready pluck which deals with pressing danger or the quieter courage that is not afraid of timely compromise." These hopes were not fulfilled, andPunch'sconfidence in the pluck and courage of the Gladstone Cabinet was severely shaken in 1884 and 1885. In 1881 he was hardly a true interpreter of public opinion in his comments on the disaster of Majuba, when he excused the British defeat by the valour of the Boers. The cartoon, "Fas est et ab Hoste," and the verses on the inadequacy of our military training, rubbed in the lessons of the war with more point than consideration. The sequel of Majuba humiliated the majority of Englishmen: and the policy of compromise and concession failed to achieve a lasting settlement.

Lord Beaconsfield died in the spring, butPunch, though respectful and appreciative, added little in his memorial tribute to what he had said on many previous occasions in the way of criticism and eulogy. The insecurity of Russian rule had a year previously been recognized in a cartoon representing Nihilism lighting a torch in a cavern beneath the throne. The assassination of the Tsar Alexander II prompts an appeal to the "Northern Terror." Ordered Liberty must disown such fiendish methods.Punch, no lover of autocracy, admits that the Tsar was "the gentlest of his line," and implores the Russians to put manhood in their wrath, and "not foul the work they call divine with demon ruthlessness," an appeal that still remains unanswered. This was the year in which another, but an uncrowned Head, was laid low in President Garfield, and the loss of the United States is recognized as a common sorrow.

Boer talking to Field Marshal.THE SCHOOL OF MUSKETRYBoer(to F.-M. H.R.H. the Commander-in-Chief): "I say, Dook! You don't happen to want a practical 'musketry instructor,' do you?"

THE SCHOOL OF MUSKETRY

Boer(to F.-M. H.R.H. the Commander-in-Chief): "I say, Dook! You don't happen to want a practical 'musketry instructor,' do you?"

In Home politics no one is more frequently or unflatteringly referred to than Lord Randolph Churchill. Sambourne's"Fancy Portrait" represents him as a midge: in verse, bitter and derisive, he is dubbed "the coming mannikin." On the other hand, Mr. Balfour is welcomed as an accession of strength to his party, and his wit is commended as being no less pretty than his uncle's, though less explosive in its flashing forth. To this year also belongs the reaction of "Fair" against "Free" Trade; and the adoption of the new cry by Lord Randolph and Mr. James Lowther, amongst others, is alluded to in a parody of a once popular drawing-room song, "O Fair Dove, O Fond Dove." But these amenities and trivialities were soon forgotten. In May, 1882, came the terrible tragedy of the Phœnix Park murders—the first deliberate political assassinations that had stained our history for centuries—and ifPunch'sreferences in prose and verse seem perfunctory and laboured, it may be pleaded in the words of the classic aphorism: "small cares are vocal, mighty woes are dumb." Better justice was rendered to the event in the cartoon of the "Irish Frankenstein" in which Parnell crouches horrified before the monster of his own creation.Punchdid not, however, despair of conciliation, and a fortnight later supported the Arrears of Rent Bill as "a gift badly wanted," though his support was tempered by the observation that "Ireland is to have a clean slate, and, as usual, at the expense chiefly of the British taxpayer. That patient Jackass is to be saddled with another burden."

In the latter half of 1882 Ireland gave place to Egypt as a storm-centre. Arabi's revolt, which involved us in another of our small wars, was speedily suppressed, after Alexandria had been bombarded by Admiral Sir Beauchamp Seymour, and the rebel forces on land had been routed at Tel-el-Kebir by Sir Garnet Wolseley, "our only General," as he was then called.Punchcelebrated his success and his peerage in an "Idyll of the Queen," beginning, "Garnet the brave, Garnet the fortunate." But he also recognized the strained relations with France which the campaign brought about, and uncompromisingly maintained our position in his cartoon, "The Lion's Just Share." Here the claims of all the other Powers are made ridiculous in comparison with those of Britain, France figuring as a poodle, Turkey as a fox, Spain as a mule, and Italy as a toygreyhound. It is not a conciliatory picture;Punchwas on safer ground in emphasizing the intrigues of Abdul Hamid and the unpatriotic sympathies of Mr. Wilfrid Blunt.

Parnell and his Monster

Man fending off giant.THE IRISH FRANKENSTEIN"The baneful and blood-stained Monster ... yet was it not my Master to the very extent that it was my Creature?... Had I not breathed into it my spirit?" ... (Extract from the Works of C. S. P-rn-ll, M.P.)

THE IRISH FRANKENSTEIN

"The baneful and blood-stained Monster ... yet was it not my Master to the very extent that it was my Creature?... Had I not breathed into it my spirit?" ... (Extract from the Works of C. S. P-rn-ll, M.P.)

Ireland resumed the first place as a preoccupying factor in British politics in 1883, when the capture of Monaghan by the Parnellites inspiredPunchto depict him as cutting a bit off a coat labelled Ulster. Another cartoon, "Crowning the O'Caliban," prompted by the Irish leader's talk of the "moderation" of the Land League, shows him crowning a hideousfigure, sitting on a barrel labelled Anarchy, Rebellion and Murder, and receiving from him a bag containing £40,000—in reference to the "Parnell Tribute" presented to the Irish leader in that year.

Lord Randolph is easily the chief butt of the year. He is the "bumptious boy," the 'Arry of the hunting field, disregarding the old whip, Stafford Northcote. Yet amid all this derision there is an uneasy consciousness that this aggressive and ill-mannered young man may yet "arrive." In another cartoon Lord Randolph is drawn as a small boy looking at Lord Beaconsfield's statue and saying, "Ah! They'll have to givemea statue—some day." The twenty-fifth anniversary of John Bright's election for Birmingham, which fell in June, 1883, is treated in a very different spirit.Punchdisagreed with Bright over the Egyptian war, but strikes no jarring note in the verses on his political silver wedding:—

Mellower voice has never rungRound the lists of Party fray:Sharper scorn has seldom stung.Yet your Silver Wedding DayWakes good wishes near and farE'en from fighters who have goneDead against you in the war.Here's a health to you, Friend John.

Mellower voice has never rung

Round the lists of Party fray:

Sharper scorn has seldom stung.

Yet your Silver Wedding Day

Wakes good wishes near and far

E'en from fighters who have gone

Dead against you in the war.

Here's a health to you, Friend John.

That "annual blister, Marriage with deceased Wife's sister," as Gilbert called it, foundPunchstill faithful to the cause of relief, and exceedingly and impartially wroth against clerical obstructors, Anglican or Roman Catholic, to the extent of depicting Cardinal Manning and Archbishop Benson in the guise of old women. Where the Liquor Laws were concerned, however,Punchwas frankly reactionary. In a "Look into Limbo" in July, 1883, he forecasts a general revolt against crotcheteers and faddists, his pet aversion being Local Option, which he defines as "a scheme for giving the six, who love spouting, supreme control over the liberty of the sixty or six hundred who dislike noise, and so hold their tongues until, in self-defence, they are compelled to use them."

German Militarism

Foreign politics do not obtrude themselves much onPunch'svision during the Gladstonian administration. But he was alive to the menace of militarism contained in a characteristic speech by Marshal von Manteuffel, the sentiment of which curiously resembles some of the utterances of the ex-Crown Prince William:—

THE PSALM OF DEATH"Gentlemen, I am a soldier, and war is the soldier's element; and well I should like again to experience the elevated feeling of commanding in a pitched battle, knowing that the balls of the enemy are every instant summoning men before the judgment seat of God."—Marshal von Manteuffel to the Provincial Committee of Alsace-Lorraine.

THE PSALM OF DEATH

"Gentlemen, I am a soldier, and war is the soldier's element; and well I should like again to experience the elevated feeling of commanding in a pitched battle, knowing that the balls of the enemy are every instant summoning men before the judgment seat of God."—Marshal von Manteuffel to the Provincial Committee of Alsace-Lorraine.

What the heart of the young Teuton said to the old Marshal is summed up as follows:—

Tell me not in mournful numbersDeath is shocking. Not at all!Death clears off the scum that cumbersThis o'er-populated ball.Death is stirring, Death is splendid,(Death of other men, not mine)And its spreading is attendedBy a feeling great—divine.Let us then be up and fighting(A laMarshal von Manteuffel)Set the Mob to mutual smiting,Whilewesing Death's O be joyful!

Tell me not in mournful numbersDeath is shocking. Not at all!Death clears off the scum that cumbersThis o'er-populated ball.

Tell me not in mournful numbers

Death is shocking. Not at all!

Death clears off the scum that cumbers

This o'er-populated ball.

Death is stirring, Death is splendid,(Death of other men, not mine)And its spreading is attendedBy a feeling great—divine.

Death is stirring, Death is splendid,

(Death of other men, not mine)

And its spreading is attended

By a feeling great—divine.

Let us then be up and fighting(A laMarshal von Manteuffel)Set the Mob to mutual smiting,Whilewesing Death's O be joyful!

Let us then be up and fighting

(A laMarshal von Manteuffel)

Set the Mob to mutual smiting,

Whilewesing Death's O be joyful!

Gambetta's brief and stormy career had closed at the beginning of the year, andPunchacknowledged the debt which France owed to his passionate patriotism and "wild strength" in a cartoon showing the Republic leaning sadly against his memorial bust while Bismarck, with arms folded, stands in the background.

Punchhad for some twenty years been, on the whole, a consistent supporter of Mr. Gladstone, but his loyalty was more severely tested in the years 1884 and 1885 than at anyother time in the Liberal leader's career. Indeed, there were moments when it might be said to have broken down, and respect gave place to something like contempt. This mood was revealed in the very first of the Gordon cartoons early in 1884. Gordon is seen ploughing along through Egyptian difficulties with Gladstone, "The Grand Old Man of the (Red) Sea," complacently smirking on his back. In FebruaryPunchdemands instant action. An angry John Bull bids Gladstone unmuzzle the British Lionat once, andPunchcomments severely on the Premier's word-jugglery and sophistry. Later on we see Gladstone in the desert "after the Simoom," leading a camel. "Mirage" shows Gordon looking anxiously for relief from the battlements of Khartoum. A burlesque correspondence between a British Hero and the British Government pours satire on the cheap sympathy and lax opportunism of the Government, who are only concerned with saving their skin and their faces. The Premier's preoccupation with trivial home legislation comes in for indignant rebuke, and the Trelawny quatrain is adapted for the benefit of Gordon. The two cartoons in May are especially bitter. Mr. Gladstone, on the Treasury Bench, as Micawber, declares, "I am delighted to add that I have now an immediate prospect of something turning up. I am not at liberty to say in what direction." A fortnight later the Liberal Majority (or Mrs. Micawber) protests she will never desert Mr. Micawber—referring to the result of the Vote of Censure.

Punch, however, had no intention of crossing the floor of the House. The Conservative opposition to the Franchise Bill rekindled his Liberalism. Lord Salisbury's attitude in particular excited his hostility. He figures in verse as "The Losing Leader" (after Browning), and in a cartoon as the bell-wether followed into the pit by a flock of coroneted sheep. It was "no Curtius leap, but mutton madness," and the hotheads are compared to the Gadarene swine.Punchheaped laboured ridicule on the great Hyde Park Demonstration, printed burlesque advertisements suggesting employment for peers after the abolition of the House of Lords, and indulged in prophetic forecasts of "What it may come to."

The Franchise Bill

Cartoon"BILL" THE GIANT-KILLER

"BILL" THE GIANT-KILLER

The Opposition suffered from the defection or lukewarmness of some of the wiser peers—Cranbrook, Cairns and Wemyss—and finally withdrew on the unofficial but opportune publication in theStandardof the outline of the Government's Redistribution Scheme.Punchgives his own account of the incident, according to which the whole Cabinet was mesmerized into revealing the Government plans, and summed up the whole business in his cartoon, "'Bill' the Giant-killer." The little Franchise Bill is seen blowing his horn before a castle (the House of Lords) with Lord Salisbury, as a huge Ogre, looking over the battlements and dismayed to find that his castle is not impregnable against Truth. In this context we may note thatthe payment of members was foreseen byPunchin a burlesque "Thumb-nail Summary for 1884," printed in the first issue of that year. Under July we read:—

Newly elected Parliament meets for the first time, and commences a campaign of active legislative reform by abolishing the Speaker.The "Payment of Members Bill," involving a State income of £2,000 a year, the right to a stall at West End Theatres on first nights, family railway tourist-tickets during the summer season, and free dining for self and friend at the Holborn Restaurant while Parliament is in Session, carried without a division.The "Payment of Members Bill," being thrown out by the Peers, the House of Lords is abolished by a short comprehensive Act, framed for the purpose, in one sitting.Much aristocratic distress prevails towards the end of the month, and gangs of hungry Peers infesting the public thoroughfares are prosecuted daily by the Secretary of the Charity Organisation Society, and ultimately shipped to a Coral Island in the Pacific.

Newly elected Parliament meets for the first time, and commences a campaign of active legislative reform by abolishing the Speaker.

The "Payment of Members Bill," involving a State income of £2,000 a year, the right to a stall at West End Theatres on first nights, family railway tourist-tickets during the summer season, and free dining for self and friend at the Holborn Restaurant while Parliament is in Session, carried without a division.

The "Payment of Members Bill," being thrown out by the Peers, the House of Lords is abolished by a short comprehensive Act, framed for the purpose, in one sitting.

Much aristocratic distress prevails towards the end of the month, and gangs of hungry Peers infesting the public thoroughfares are prosecuted daily by the Secretary of the Charity Organisation Society, and ultimately shipped to a Coral Island in the Pacific.

Mr. Gladstone's seventy-fifth birthday on December 29, 1884, was welcomed in a set of verses in which the eulogy is only tempered by a faint reserve as to his lack of youthful resolution and his excess of caution. Had the anniversary fallen a few weeks later,Punchmight have found it harder to pay such generous homage, for on February 7 appeared the unlucky cartoon which assumed that Gordon had been relieved. Yet even then, when the truth became known and while raising the cry of "Too late,"Punch, though condemning delay and caution, deprecated party rancour:—

Not this the hour to echo faction's cryOf half-exultant chiding, or to plyThe Party-phraser's venomed word-lash. No!But laggard wills, counsels confused and slowShould need no sharper spur, no keener goadThan this to urge them on plain Honour's road.

Not this the hour to echo faction's cry

Of half-exultant chiding, or to ply

The Party-phraser's venomed word-lash. No!

But laggard wills, counsels confused and slow

Should need no sharper spur, no keener goad

Than this to urge them on plain Honour's road.

The Tragedy of Khartoum

Punch'scontribution to the Gordon "Memorial" was an ode from which we may quote one stanza:—

Gordon! A name to gild our island story,Opulent yet in many a noble name,With lustre brighter than mere statecraft's fame,More radiant than the warrior's glittering glory.Such lesser lights eclipse them in the fineSun-glow of selfless valour such as thine,Soldier whose sword, like Galahad's, was not usedTo hew out honour, but to champion right;Plan-shaper who, in council as in fight,Wast endlessly resourceful, yet refused,Death-snared, an easy flight!

Gordon! A name to gild our island story,

Opulent yet in many a noble name,

With lustre brighter than mere statecraft's fame,

More radiant than the warrior's glittering glory.

Such lesser lights eclipse them in the fine

Sun-glow of selfless valour such as thine,

Soldier whose sword, like Galahad's, was not used

To hew out honour, but to champion right;

Plan-shaper who, in council as in fight,

Wast endlessly resourceful, yet refused,

Death-snared, an easy flight!

British Lion overlooking an army of lion cubs."MY BOYS!"

"MY BOYS!"

Other pens were busy over this episode, which inspired perhaps the most scarifying epigram of our times:—

Judas despairing died, his guilt confessed,But had he lived in this our age and city,He surely would have figured with the bestUpon a Christ Memorial Committee.

Judas despairing died, his guilt confessed,

But had he lived in this our age and city,

He surely would have figured with the best

Upon a Christ Memorial Committee.

The disaster, however, had one heartening result in the offer of military assistance from Canada, Victoria and New South Wales, duly recorded byPunchin his cartoon of theLion and the Colonial cubs. The year 1885 had opened with a sinister display of activity by dynamiters, andPunchrebuked Sir William Harcourt for his alleged apathy and imperious resentment of criticism by calling him the "Not-at-Home Secretary." America promptly took legislative action, refusing sanctuary to dynamiters, and was loudly applauded, while Mr. Parnell, inPunch'sopinion, missed a golden opportunity for disavowing and condemning these outrages. In "What Mr. Parnellmighthave said"Punchprinted the speech which he didnotmake but ought to have made, "as a man, an Irishman and a Christian."

CartoonTHE POLITICAL "MRS. GUMMIDGE"Mrs. Gummidge-Gladstone: "I ain't what I could wish myself to be. My troubles has made me contrairy. I feel my troubles, and they make me contrairy. I make the house uncomfortable. I don't wonder at it!!!"John Peggotty-Bull(deeply sympathizing aside): "She's been thinking of the old 'un!"—David Copperfield.

THE POLITICAL "MRS. GUMMIDGE"

Mrs. Gummidge-Gladstone: "I ain't what I could wish myself to be. My troubles has made me contrairy. I feel my troubles, and they make me contrairy. I make the house uncomfortable. I don't wonder at it!!!"

John Peggotty-Bull(deeply sympathizing aside): "She's been thinking of the old 'un!"—David Copperfield.

The days of the Gladstone administration were numbered, and the motion in favour of Proportional Representation excited but a languid and academic interest.Punchthought the system far too complicated, and sought to reduce it to absurdity by a practical illustration. He was much more serious in his resentment at the hectoring attitude of Bismarckà proposof a recent speech of the Imperial Chancellor. In "Lecturing a Lecturer—a Friendly Tip to the Teuton Titan," he showed Bismarck standing in a truculent pose before a map of Europe whilePunchlooks on in amusement. The point of the accompanying verses is that Britain was not to be scared or scolded into submission:—

Orbilian Colossus,You'd chide us and spank us and goad us and toss us,But when Polyphemus world-wigging would tryHe may—pardon theargot—get "one in the eye."AndPunch, Herr Professor, whose point seldom misses,Is ready if needful to play the Ulysses.

Orbilian Colossus,

You'd chide us and spank us and goad us and toss us,

But when Polyphemus world-wigging would try

He may—pardon theargot—get "one in the eye."

AndPunch, Herr Professor, whose point seldom misses,

Is ready if needful to play the Ulysses.

The attempt to represent Bismarck as a professor might not seem to show a very acute reading of the facts were it not that German professors proved the chief inflamers of militarism. It must be added that, as a set off to this expostulation,Punchindited a remarkably genial poem to Bismarck a couple of weeks later on the occasion of his seventieth birthday. But this can hardly have atoned for the extremely acid and acute satire on the Spirit of German Colonization published about the same time. Here Germania declares her intentions to the nativeraces in language which the treatment of the Herreros in German South-West Africa proved to be well within the mark:—

I haf brought you German culture for the poddy and the mind,Die erhabene Kultur of efery sort and efery kind;All the pessimistic dogtrines of the Schopenhauer schoolAnd the blessings of a bureaucratish-military rule.I shall teach you shplendit knowledge, vot you hitherto haf lacked,That religion is a fantasy, vhilst sausage is a fact;Ja, the mysteries of sauerkraut to you shall be made clear,And your souls shall learn to float on foaming waves of Lager-Bier!I do not intend to long-while you mit missionary rant,But to brighten up your intellects mit Hegel and mit Kant.Mit our Army-Service system I'll begift you by-and-by,And mit all the priceless blessings of our Hohe Polizei.Ach! I lofes you as a moder, and your happiness, I shwear,Shall forefer be the von surpassing object of my care.I'llcivilize you, Kinder, mid dem edlen Gerstenbrei,And mit discipline, Potztausend!—or I'll know the reason vhy!And then die hehre Göttin, hof'ring in the aether blue,Vill summon up her gunboats and her Pickelhauben too,Her bearded brawny varriors, vot nefer knew no fear,And troops of learned bureaucrats, all buttoned-up to here.Then if the shtupit natifes don't attend to vot she said,And makes themselves unpleasant, they must all be shooted dead;For trifles in the vay of German culture must not shtand—Hoch soll der Bismarck leben! I drinks, "Our Fatherland!"

I haf brought you German culture for the poddy and the mind,

Die erhabene Kultur of efery sort and efery kind;

All the pessimistic dogtrines of the Schopenhauer school

And the blessings of a bureaucratish-military rule.

I shall teach you shplendit knowledge, vot you hitherto haf lacked,

That religion is a fantasy, vhilst sausage is a fact;

Ja, the mysteries of sauerkraut to you shall be made clear,

And your souls shall learn to float on foaming waves of Lager-Bier!

I do not intend to long-while you mit missionary rant,But to brighten up your intellects mit Hegel and mit Kant.Mit our Army-Service system I'll begift you by-and-by,And mit all the priceless blessings of our Hohe Polizei.Ach! I lofes you as a moder, and your happiness, I shwear,Shall forefer be the von surpassing object of my care.I'llcivilize you, Kinder, mid dem edlen Gerstenbrei,And mit discipline, Potztausend!—or I'll know the reason vhy!

I do not intend to long-while you mit missionary rant,

But to brighten up your intellects mit Hegel and mit Kant.

Mit our Army-Service system I'll begift you by-and-by,

And mit all the priceless blessings of our Hohe Polizei.

Ach! I lofes you as a moder, and your happiness, I shwear,

Shall forefer be the von surpassing object of my care.

I'llcivilize you, Kinder, mid dem edlen Gerstenbrei,

And mit discipline, Potztausend!—or I'll know the reason vhy!

And then die hehre Göttin, hof'ring in the aether blue,Vill summon up her gunboats and her Pickelhauben too,Her bearded brawny varriors, vot nefer knew no fear,And troops of learned bureaucrats, all buttoned-up to here.Then if the shtupit natifes don't attend to vot she said,And makes themselves unpleasant, they must all be shooted dead;For trifles in the vay of German culture must not shtand—Hoch soll der Bismarck leben! I drinks, "Our Fatherland!"

And then die hehre Göttin, hof'ring in the aether blue,

Vill summon up her gunboats and her Pickelhauben too,

Her bearded brawny varriors, vot nefer knew no fear,

And troops of learned bureaucrats, all buttoned-up to here.

Then if the shtupit natifes don't attend to vot she said,

And makes themselves unpleasant, they must all be shooted dead;

For trifles in the vay of German culture must not shtand—

Hoch soll der Bismarck leben! I drinks, "Our Fatherland!"

Lord Randolph Churchill

When the Government was defeated in June "on the Budget Stakes," asPunchput it, he went so far as to accuse Gladstone of "riding to lose," and resented this action as not quite on the square. A month earlier he had shown Gladstone as the political Mrs. Gummidge, the "Old 'un" being Disraeli, whose portrait hangs on the wall. There was a rumour of Mr. Gladstone going to the Lords, andPunchhad a picture of Tennyson, in his robes in the "gay garden of elegant earls," inviting W. E. G. to "come into the garden," but Mr. Gladstone declines, preferring to paddle his own canoe. Lord Randolph was included in the Salisbury administration, whichheld office for six months, as Secretary of State for India, but his elevation to Cabinet rank did not appeasePunch'sdistrust—rather the reverse. He was not really an undersized man, but he invariably appears inPunchabout this time as a boy, a mannikin or some diminutive pest, while the vehemence of his language is resented in bitter criticism of his "mud-spattering" abuse, vulgar invective, and "Billingsgate Babel." In particular a speech which he delivered at a Conservative gathering at Canford Manor, Wimborne, excitedPunch'swrath, and prompted the picture of "Funny Little Randolph," as a "star comique" singing a topical song, "I don't care a rap," and exulting in his grimaces and bad manners. In the previousyearPunchhad fallen foul of the "windy ravings of Loyalist Speakers" in Ireland, "the Loyalist Cæsar, and the Nationalist Pompey seem 'very much alike' indeed—in the matter of noisy mischief.... One feels that the Orange Champions would not hate 'disloyalty' so much did they not hate their 'Green' fellow countrymen more."

Two men talking.SAUCE FOR THE GOOSEDick: "I've chose my Three Acres—next to the Parson's. I mean to dig and grow 'Taters. Where 'ave you chose yours?"Harry: "I ain't chose no Land. I shan't grow no 'Taters. I shall takeyour'Taters!"

SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE

Dick: "I've chose my Three Acres—next to the Parson's. I mean to dig and grow 'Taters. Where 'ave you chose yours?"

Harry: "I ain't chose no Land. I shan't grow no 'Taters. I shall takeyour'Taters!"

Yet in the autumn of 1885, when Lord Carnarvon was Viceroy,Punchdeveloped a strong distrust of the conciliatory policy of the Conservatives. In one cartoon he shows Captain Moonlight masked and armed at an open door, the bar of the Crimes Act having been removed. In October he wrote, "when Tyranny alone is free where is the safety—save for slaves." In another cartoon he showed the National League as the Irish Vampire, hovering over Hibernia in her uneasy sleep, and bade her awake and banish the hideous monster that was sapping her strength.Mr. Punch's"Political Address," issued shortly before the resignation of the Salisbury Cabinet, claimed that he was the only real Independent Candidate, the nominee of no party, section, or sect; bound to no programme, but "all for the four P's—Principle, Progress, Patriotism and Peace"—in fine, "whichever Party he returned to office,Mr. Punch, the non-partisan Member for Everywhere, will be in power." The new cry of "Three Acres and a Cow" raised at the close of 1885 left him cold, witness Du Maurier's "Sauce for the Goose." The verses in the same number on "New Words and Old Songs" imply that it was a mere vote-catching device, and at the same time mock at the cadging tactics of the Knights and Dames of the Primrose League founded in 1884.

Home Rule Rejected

On the resignation of the Salisbury Cabinet, Mr. Gladstone returned to power with Mr. Morley as Chief Secretary for Ireland. The story of his conversion to Home Rule, his failure to convert his colleagues, the split in the Cabinet and the introduction and rejection of the Home Rule Bill of 1886 is well told in the series of cartoons which begin with "At the Cross Roads" in February. There Gladstone is shown hesitating between Land Purchase and Home Rule, while Chamberlain as the cowboy advises the former. In "The Thanes fly fromme" we see Gladstone as Macbeth asking Morley (Seyton) to give him his armour: "This push will cheer me ever or disseat me now." The Home Rule Bill is typified as the "Divided Skirt." Gladstone as the Grand Old Man Milliner is trying in vain to reconcile Britannia to her new dress. The sequel is shown in the "Actæon" cartoon in which Gladstone is pulled down by his own hounds—Chamberlain, Hartington, Goschen—and in the adaptation of Meissonier's "Retreat from Moscow," where Gladstone figures as the defeated Napoleon. It is rathercurious, by the way, to note that during the debatesPunch, in his "Essence of Parliament," describes Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman and Mr. Labouchere as the "two drolls of the House" at Question time.

Cartoon depicting the Home Rule Bill.THE "DIVIDED SKIRT"Grand Old Man-Milliner(persuasively): "Fits beautifully, Madam! A little alteration here and there!"Mrs. Britannia: "It's very uncomfortable, and I'm sure it isn't becoming. I shall never get along with it as it is!!"

THE "DIVIDED SKIRT"

Grand Old Man-Milliner(persuasively): "Fits beautifully, Madam! A little alteration here and there!"

Mrs. Britannia: "It's very uncomfortable, and I'm sure it isn't becoming. I shall never get along with it as it is!!"

On the merits of Home RulePunchis rather non-committal, and speaks with more than one voice. The secession of the Liberal Unionists impressed him greatly; but he was bitterly antagonistic to the Ulster extremists, witness this epigram printed in May:—

Lucus a non LucendoLoyal? Nay, Ulster, you, for very shameShould cede your long monopoly of that name.Loyal—to whom—to what? To power, to pelf,To place, to privilege, in a word, toself.They who assume, absorb, control, enjoy all,Must find it vastly pleasant to be "loyal."

Lucus a non Lucendo

Loyal? Nay, Ulster, you, for very shameShould cede your long monopoly of that name.Loyal—to whom—to what? To power, to pelf,To place, to privilege, in a word, toself.They who assume, absorb, control, enjoy all,Must find it vastly pleasant to be "loyal."

Loyal? Nay, Ulster, you, for very shame

Should cede your long monopoly of that name.

Loyal—to whom—to what? To power, to pelf,

To place, to privilege, in a word, toself.

They who assume, absorb, control, enjoy all,

Must find it vastly pleasant to be "loyal."

Lord Randolph Churchill's famous jingle: "Ulster will fight. Ulster will be right," inspired a prophetic forecast of the result of such action, in which Ulster does fight and is defeated:—

The battle had been severe, but it was over at last. Belfast was taken. Derry was in ruins. Everywhere the Orange faction had been outnumbered and worsted. The reverse was crushing and complete. "We shall now," said the General commanding the National forces, "be suffered, perhaps, to hold our Parliament on College Green in peace." He turned to a batch of captured officers as he spoke. They were a motley crew. Among them figured several wearing the Queen's uniform, while here and there stood some distinguished sympathizer with the beaten cause, who had thrown in his lot to support rebellion against Queen and Empire. Among these latter a scion of a Ducal House and former well-known Member of the House of Commons, was weeping over a broken drumhead. The General singled him out, and beckoned him to approach. He drew near, surlily: "Well, my Lord," continued the Commander, in a tone of banter. "How about your prophecy? Ulster will fight. Ulster will be right. Ulster has fought. Ha! Ha!""And she has been wrong!" was the submissive and humble reply.

"And she has been wrong!" was the submissive and humble reply.

Lord Randolph at the Tresury

This squib was written before the rejection of the Home Rule Bill, a result whichPunch, or the writer, probably did not anticipate. The accuracy of the forecast, however, remains still to be tested.

The Elections went against the Government, and Lord Salisbury was returned to power, with Lord Randolph as Chancellor of the Exchequer and Leader of the House of Commons. The verses which accompany and expand the cartoon of "The Grand Young Man" with the shade of Dizzy looking on, almost deviate into geniality.Punchfancies that Randolph, in spite of his defects of taste and manners, is "more than a mere mime," but, in contrasting his career with that of Lord Beaconsfield, points out that he was born in the purple and that his rise to power was easier and quicker. This comparatively friendly mood soon gave way to the old distrust, and by October, in "Swag, or the political Jack Sheppard," we see Lord Randolph, anxious to eclipse Dizzy as a Tory Turpin and "disher" of the Whigs, rifling a chest labelled "Liberal Measures," while Mr. Gladstone peers into the room at the back.Punch'sdistrust was partly justified by Lord Randolph's impetuous resignation in December. What might have been a great career was wrecked by an impatient temper. Immense ability, industry, courage and reforming zeal were there, and it was hardly fair to represent him as a modern Curtius leaping into the pit of Popularity. The Treasury was not the only Government Office in which reform was thwarted by obstruction and mismanagement.Punchattacked the War Office in the autumn of 1886 for setting its face "not merely against change, but against experiments pointing to change," and scouting all inventors as nuisances. He simultaneously proposed the foundation of an official organ of the Admiralty to be called "Dowb," the burlesque prospectus of which obliquely satirizes the abuse of perquisites, bad stores, muddled finance, futile commissions of inquiry and general incompetence in high places. Home politics engrossed attention throughout the year, butPunchdid not fail to note the gathering clouds in the Balkans, when Prince Alexander of Battenberg, the hero of Slivnitza, a gallant and picturesque figure, had abdicated thethrone of Bulgaria, Russian jealousy having rendered his position untenable. In the cartoon of "The Vanishing Lady," the Tsar is shown as a juggler using the cloak of diplomacy to extinguish the freedom of the country he had helped to emancipate. The same year which witnessed the disappearance from the political scene of Prince Alexander was marked by the birth of Alfonso XIII of Spain, andPunchoffered his ceremonial greeting to one of the few sovereigns who survived the monarchicaldébâcleof the Great War of 1914.

The Victorian age reached its grand climacteric in 1887, the year of the Queen's Golden Jubilee and the gathering of the Kings and Captains. Of the celebrations we speak elsewhere.Punch, no longer anti-Papist, linked them with those at the Vatican—in honour of Leo XIII, who had been ordained priest in 1837—in his lines on "Two Jubilees":—

St. Peter's and St. James's face to faceExchanging with a more than courtly graceTheir mutual gifts and greetings!A sight to stir the bigot; but the wiseRegard with cheerful and complacent eyesThis pleasantest of meetings.

St. Peter's and St. James's face to faceExchanging with a more than courtly graceTheir mutual gifts and greetings!

St. Peter's and St. James's face to face

Exchanging with a more than courtly grace

Their mutual gifts and greetings!

A sight to stir the bigot; but the wiseRegard with cheerful and complacent eyesThis pleasantest of meetings.

A sight to stir the bigot; but the wise

Regard with cheerful and complacent eyes

This pleasantest of meetings.

And so on with praise of the Good Queen and Holy Father,Punch, as a "true freeman unfettered by servile fear or hate's poor purblind heat," being free to celebrate them both.

It was also the Centenary year of the United States, welcomed byPunchin John Bull's song on Miss Columbia's Hundredth birthday to the air of "I'm getting a big boy now." Mr. Gladstone was invited to the celebrations but did not cross the Atlantic. John Bull abounds in professions of good-will, but there is a slight sting in the last chorus:—

You are getting a great girl now,May you prosper, and keep out of row;Shun Bunkum and bawlAll that's shoddy and small,For you're getting agreatgirl now.

You are getting a great girl now,

May you prosper, and keep out of row;

Shun Bunkum and bawl

All that's shoddy and small,

For you're getting agreatgirl now.

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