“THE VERNACULAR”Old Gentleman, frae Aberdeen (at the Exhibition).“I say, Joack, look up the cat’logk an see fa that is wi’ the ‘Brechum’ [horse-collar] on!”A NARCOTICDoctor.“Look here, Mrs. McCawdle. Don’t give him any more physic. A sound sleep will do him more good than anything.”Gudewife.“E-h, docthor, if we could only get him tae the kirk!!”“AGE CANNOT WITHER, NOR CUSTOM STALE!”Returned Native (to country carrier, who has given him a lift).“We don’t seem to be covering the ground so fast as we did twelve years ago.”Carrier.“Ye’re wrang there, Mr. Broon, for it’s the same bit beastie!”AWARE OF THE CRISISSairgeant Mucklewham (more in sorrow than anger).“Halt! O Man Nummer Three, I wunner tae sae ye! Hoo can ye think Foreign Powers can ever respect ye, if ye wull persist in steppin’ three inches less than the regelation!”PUT TO THE ROUTDistracted Bandster.“Komm avay—komm avay—ee zhall nod give you nodingsh—ee vill blay de moozeek erselbst! Teufel!”[They retreat hastily.BOTH SIDES OF THE QUESTIONDissipated Tradesman (to the expostulations of the minister).“Ye’re aye crackin’ at me about my drinkin’, sir, but you don’t consider my drooth!!”“PHYSICAL GEOGRAPHY”English Angler (on this side of the Tweed).“Hi, Donald! come over and help me to land him—a 20-pounder I’ll swear——”Highlander (on the other).“It wull tak’ ye a lang time to lan’ that fush too, d’ye ken, sir, whatever!—Ye hae heuket the kingdom o’ auld Scotland!”Northern Gamekeeper.“Will ye gie me some oil to my guns this morning, cook?”Cook.“If ye wunt oil frae me, ‘keeper,’ ye’ll need to mind. Ma name’s no cook—ma name’s Misthress Macphairson!”Gamekeeper (with a sniff).“Weel, gin ye’re no to be ‘cook,’ I’m nae to be ‘keeper’! Ye’ll be as gude as gie me ‘Maisther Forr-biss’!!”VACCINATION RE-NAMEDThe New Doctor.“Well, Mac, how is the little girl’s arm going on?”Mac.“Weel, sir, my gudewife says it’s looking just fine whaur ye tattoo’d it.”“WHAT IN THE CAPTAIN’S BUT A CHOLERIC WORD”The Laird (to his Gardener, who had caught somebody trespassing).“Hum! And you say, Saunders, that the fellow was impudent?”Gardener.“‘Impident!’ ’Deed, sir, if he had been the Laird himsell he could na hae been mair ill-bred!”MacNab (whose wife has met with a slight accident on the railway, to Railway Agent, who has called to offer condolence, and produces one or two pounds by way of solatium).“Na, na, if she dees it will likely be twa or three hunders!”A MODERN ATHENIANSouthern Tourist (in Edinburgh).“Can you direct me to the Royal Institution?”Native. (Vacant Stare.)“What est?”Tourist (giving a Clue).“Pictures, you know—Statues—and——”Native (after much thought).“Oo!—et’s the Stukky Feggars ye mean!”—(Pointing.)—“Yon’s et!”A POSERFair Client.“I’m always photographed from the same side, but I forget which!”Scots Photographer (reflectively).“Well, it’ll no bethisside, I’m thinkin’. Maybe it’s t’ither!”A NICE DISTINCTIONPorter.“Train’s awa, man. Ye should hae ran faster.”Passenger.“Ran faster! Dod, I ran fast eneugh, but I should hae startit sooner.”“ALARUMS, EXCURSIONS”Perplexed Old Lady (at Scottish Junction in a fog).“Ah hae ma bundle—an’ ah hae ma teeck’t—but fa’s the Deeside Rel-ro’d!!”Excited Scotsman (who has just hooked a fish).“I’m dashed feared I’ll loose my half-crown flee!”“WHEN GREEK MEETS GREEK.”Scene—District Court in a ColonyScots Judge (with a very marked pug-nose).“Weel, noo, sir, if ye gae along the ro’d in question, where’ll ye gang tae?”Scots Witness (deliberately).“That a’ depends, yer honour, on how far ye gae!”Judge (snappishly).“Ye understan’ vera weel, sir. If ye follow yer nose, mun, where’ll ye gang till?”Witness (after a pause).“Ah’ve always heer-ed it said, yer honour, that if ye follow yer nose too far, it’ll tak’ ye t’ the moon!”Judge.“Step doon, sir!”—(In an angry aside).—“The mon’s a fool!”Traveller (to Colonial Squatter).“Hullo, McDonald! I didn’t expect this of you! All your men working on a Sunday!”Mac.“This is nae Sunday, mun!—it’s Wednesday——”Traveller.“Not a bit of it! This is Sunday, I assure you——”Mac.“Aweel! Think o’ that, noo! We hinna seen a sowl for three months, an’ there’s nae an almanack i’ the hoose, an’ we’ve gotten jummelt up a’ th’gether!!”Malcolm (to the Colonel, who had been narrating his fishing adventures all over the globe).“Ye must ha’e had gran’ sport among the black men, sir! Hed they ony releegion?”—Colonel.“All kinds, Malcolm. Some worshipped idols, some the sun, some the moon, some the water——”Malcolm.“The watter!” (Musing.) “Aweel, sir, I couldna’ bring mysel’ to care for that!”Keeper (to the two Tourists, who find canoeing more difficult on the Highland rivers than on the Thames).“Hi! Hoy! Hoy! D’ye no ken this is the McChizzlem’s private watter!?”MAGNIFYING HIS CALLINGPeter.“Na, laddie, this is ane o’ thae things a body can never learn. There’s no nae use in a man takin’ taethisjob unless he has a naiteral born aptitude for’d!”GOING TO EXTREMESHe of the ruffled temper.“As sure’s ma name’s Tammas Paterson, I’ll hae the law o’ ye, though it should cost me hauf-a-croon!”CARBINE PRACTICESandy McGuttle and a friend of his marking in butt. Officer in charge of squad at the shooting-range wonders why the deuce they don’t signal that last shot. He has also grave doubts about the number of bulls’-eyes already recorded.STAUNCHOld Lady (who had been buying eggs).“’Deed, Mr. McTreacle, butchers’ meat’s sae dear now-a-days ah’m no able to buy’t!”Grocer.“You should turn a vegetarian——”Old Lady.“A veegetarian!—Na, na! ah was born an’ brocht up i’ the Free Kirk, an’ a’m no gaun ta change ma releegion i’ m’ auld days!”Officer of Militia.“Well, sir, who are you? and what’s the matter?”Excited Citizen.“Me? I’m the bailie—the heid bailie, mon! I catched this wee laddie feshin’ on the Sawbath day! Says he’s a Caath’lic—a Rooman Caath’lic!! E-h, it’s just dreadfu’ to think o’—feshin’ in a Protestant loch!! And o’ the Sawbath! Lord save us!”RESIGNATIONHe (Third-Class).“Come awa’! D’ye no see that’s a first-class?”She (ditto).“Aweel, on a busy day like this, we maun just put up wi’ony accommodation we can get!!”DESECRATION.English Angler (on Saturday evening).“Anybody ever fish up here on a Sunday, m’um?”Scots Landlady (in consternation).“Hech, mon! ye’d be jail’t!!”“PREHISTORIC SCOTLAND” DE-PICT-ED(Notby Dr. Robert Munro.)THE ENDBRADBURY, AGNEW. & CO. LD., PRINTERS, LONDON AND TONBRIDGETranscriber’s Notes:Obvious printing mistakes have been corrected.Inconsistencies of spelling in the original are retained in this version.Images interrupting the flow of text in the original work have been moved outside the body of the poem.Page 60, “!” added after “Bit.”Page 108, closing quotation mark added after “cream-jug.”
“THE VERNACULAR”Old Gentleman, frae Aberdeen (at the Exhibition).“I say, Joack, look up the cat’logk an see fa that is wi’ the ‘Brechum’ [horse-collar] on!”
“THE VERNACULAR”Old Gentleman, frae Aberdeen (at the Exhibition).“I say, Joack, look up the cat’logk an see fa that is wi’ the ‘Brechum’ [horse-collar] on!”
“THE VERNACULAR”
Old Gentleman, frae Aberdeen (at the Exhibition).“I say, Joack, look up the cat’logk an see fa that is wi’ the ‘Brechum’ [horse-collar] on!”
A NARCOTICDoctor.“Look here, Mrs. McCawdle. Don’t give him any more physic. A sound sleep will do him more good than anything.”Gudewife.“E-h, docthor, if we could only get him tae the kirk!!”
A NARCOTICDoctor.“Look here, Mrs. McCawdle. Don’t give him any more physic. A sound sleep will do him more good than anything.”Gudewife.“E-h, docthor, if we could only get him tae the kirk!!”
A NARCOTIC
Doctor.“Look here, Mrs. McCawdle. Don’t give him any more physic. A sound sleep will do him more good than anything.”
Gudewife.“E-h, docthor, if we could only get him tae the kirk!!”
“AGE CANNOT WITHER, NOR CUSTOM STALE!”Returned Native (to country carrier, who has given him a lift).“We don’t seem to be covering the ground so fast as we did twelve years ago.”Carrier.“Ye’re wrang there, Mr. Broon, for it’s the same bit beastie!”
“AGE CANNOT WITHER, NOR CUSTOM STALE!”Returned Native (to country carrier, who has given him a lift).“We don’t seem to be covering the ground so fast as we did twelve years ago.”Carrier.“Ye’re wrang there, Mr. Broon, for it’s the same bit beastie!”
“AGE CANNOT WITHER, NOR CUSTOM STALE!”
Returned Native (to country carrier, who has given him a lift).“We don’t seem to be covering the ground so fast as we did twelve years ago.”
Carrier.“Ye’re wrang there, Mr. Broon, for it’s the same bit beastie!”
AWARE OF THE CRISISSairgeant Mucklewham (more in sorrow than anger).“Halt! O Man Nummer Three, I wunner tae sae ye! Hoo can ye think Foreign Powers can ever respect ye, if ye wull persist in steppin’ three inches less than the regelation!”
AWARE OF THE CRISISSairgeant Mucklewham (more in sorrow than anger).“Halt! O Man Nummer Three, I wunner tae sae ye! Hoo can ye think Foreign Powers can ever respect ye, if ye wull persist in steppin’ three inches less than the regelation!”
AWARE OF THE CRISIS
Sairgeant Mucklewham (more in sorrow than anger).“Halt! O Man Nummer Three, I wunner tae sae ye! Hoo can ye think Foreign Powers can ever respect ye, if ye wull persist in steppin’ three inches less than the regelation!”
PUT TO THE ROUTDistracted Bandster.“Komm avay—komm avay—ee zhall nod give you nodingsh—ee vill blay de moozeek erselbst! Teufel!”[They retreat hastily.
PUT TO THE ROUTDistracted Bandster.“Komm avay—komm avay—ee zhall nod give you nodingsh—ee vill blay de moozeek erselbst! Teufel!”[They retreat hastily.
PUT TO THE ROUT
Distracted Bandster.“Komm avay—komm avay—ee zhall nod give you nodingsh—ee vill blay de moozeek erselbst! Teufel!”
[They retreat hastily.
BOTH SIDES OF THE QUESTIONDissipated Tradesman (to the expostulations of the minister).“Ye’re aye crackin’ at me about my drinkin’, sir, but you don’t consider my drooth!!”
BOTH SIDES OF THE QUESTIONDissipated Tradesman (to the expostulations of the minister).“Ye’re aye crackin’ at me about my drinkin’, sir, but you don’t consider my drooth!!”
BOTH SIDES OF THE QUESTION
Dissipated Tradesman (to the expostulations of the minister).“Ye’re aye crackin’ at me about my drinkin’, sir, but you don’t consider my drooth!!”
“PHYSICAL GEOGRAPHY”English Angler (on this side of the Tweed).“Hi, Donald! come over and help me to land him—a 20-pounder I’ll swear——”Highlander (on the other).“It wull tak’ ye a lang time to lan’ that fush too, d’ye ken, sir, whatever!—Ye hae heuket the kingdom o’ auld Scotland!”
“PHYSICAL GEOGRAPHY”English Angler (on this side of the Tweed).“Hi, Donald! come over and help me to land him—a 20-pounder I’ll swear——”Highlander (on the other).“It wull tak’ ye a lang time to lan’ that fush too, d’ye ken, sir, whatever!—Ye hae heuket the kingdom o’ auld Scotland!”
“PHYSICAL GEOGRAPHY”
English Angler (on this side of the Tweed).“Hi, Donald! come over and help me to land him—a 20-pounder I’ll swear——”
Highlander (on the other).“It wull tak’ ye a lang time to lan’ that fush too, d’ye ken, sir, whatever!—Ye hae heuket the kingdom o’ auld Scotland!”
Northern Gamekeeper.“Will ye gie me some oil to my guns this morning, cook?”Cook.“If ye wunt oil frae me, ‘keeper,’ ye’ll need to mind. Ma name’s no cook—ma name’s Misthress Macphairson!”Gamekeeper (with a sniff).“Weel, gin ye’re no to be ‘cook,’ I’m nae to be ‘keeper’! Ye’ll be as gude as gie me ‘Maisther Forr-biss’!!”
Northern Gamekeeper.“Will ye gie me some oil to my guns this morning, cook?”Cook.“If ye wunt oil frae me, ‘keeper,’ ye’ll need to mind. Ma name’s no cook—ma name’s Misthress Macphairson!”Gamekeeper (with a sniff).“Weel, gin ye’re no to be ‘cook,’ I’m nae to be ‘keeper’! Ye’ll be as gude as gie me ‘Maisther Forr-biss’!!”
Northern Gamekeeper.“Will ye gie me some oil to my guns this morning, cook?”
Cook.“If ye wunt oil frae me, ‘keeper,’ ye’ll need to mind. Ma name’s no cook—ma name’s Misthress Macphairson!”
Gamekeeper (with a sniff).“Weel, gin ye’re no to be ‘cook,’ I’m nae to be ‘keeper’! Ye’ll be as gude as gie me ‘Maisther Forr-biss’!!”
VACCINATION RE-NAMEDThe New Doctor.“Well, Mac, how is the little girl’s arm going on?”Mac.“Weel, sir, my gudewife says it’s looking just fine whaur ye tattoo’d it.”
VACCINATION RE-NAMEDThe New Doctor.“Well, Mac, how is the little girl’s arm going on?”Mac.“Weel, sir, my gudewife says it’s looking just fine whaur ye tattoo’d it.”
VACCINATION RE-NAMED
The New Doctor.“Well, Mac, how is the little girl’s arm going on?”
Mac.“Weel, sir, my gudewife says it’s looking just fine whaur ye tattoo’d it.”
“WHAT IN THE CAPTAIN’S BUT A CHOLERIC WORD”The Laird (to his Gardener, who had caught somebody trespassing).“Hum! And you say, Saunders, that the fellow was impudent?”Gardener.“‘Impident!’ ’Deed, sir, if he had been the Laird himsell he could na hae been mair ill-bred!”
“WHAT IN THE CAPTAIN’S BUT A CHOLERIC WORD”The Laird (to his Gardener, who had caught somebody trespassing).“Hum! And you say, Saunders, that the fellow was impudent?”Gardener.“‘Impident!’ ’Deed, sir, if he had been the Laird himsell he could na hae been mair ill-bred!”
“WHAT IN THE CAPTAIN’S BUT A CHOLERIC WORD”
The Laird (to his Gardener, who had caught somebody trespassing).“Hum! And you say, Saunders, that the fellow was impudent?”
Gardener.“‘Impident!’ ’Deed, sir, if he had been the Laird himsell he could na hae been mair ill-bred!”
MacNab (whose wife has met with a slight accident on the railway, to Railway Agent, who has called to offer condolence, and produces one or two pounds by way of solatium).“Na, na, if she dees it will likely be twa or three hunders!”
MacNab (whose wife has met with a slight accident on the railway, to Railway Agent, who has called to offer condolence, and produces one or two pounds by way of solatium).“Na, na, if she dees it will likely be twa or three hunders!”
MacNab (whose wife has met with a slight accident on the railway, to Railway Agent, who has called to offer condolence, and produces one or two pounds by way of solatium).“Na, na, if she dees it will likely be twa or three hunders!”
A MODERN ATHENIANSouthern Tourist (in Edinburgh).“Can you direct me to the Royal Institution?”Native. (Vacant Stare.)“What est?”Tourist (giving a Clue).“Pictures, you know—Statues—and——”Native (after much thought).“Oo!—et’s the Stukky Feggars ye mean!”—(Pointing.)—“Yon’s et!”
A MODERN ATHENIANSouthern Tourist (in Edinburgh).“Can you direct me to the Royal Institution?”Native. (Vacant Stare.)“What est?”Tourist (giving a Clue).“Pictures, you know—Statues—and——”Native (after much thought).“Oo!—et’s the Stukky Feggars ye mean!”—(Pointing.)—“Yon’s et!”
A MODERN ATHENIAN
Southern Tourist (in Edinburgh).“Can you direct me to the Royal Institution?”
Native. (Vacant Stare.)“What est?”
Tourist (giving a Clue).“Pictures, you know—Statues—and——”
Native (after much thought).“Oo!—et’s the Stukky Feggars ye mean!”—(Pointing.)—“Yon’s et!”
A POSERFair Client.“I’m always photographed from the same side, but I forget which!”Scots Photographer (reflectively).“Well, it’ll no bethisside, I’m thinkin’. Maybe it’s t’ither!”
A POSERFair Client.“I’m always photographed from the same side, but I forget which!”Scots Photographer (reflectively).“Well, it’ll no bethisside, I’m thinkin’. Maybe it’s t’ither!”
A POSER
Fair Client.“I’m always photographed from the same side, but I forget which!”
Scots Photographer (reflectively).“Well, it’ll no bethisside, I’m thinkin’. Maybe it’s t’ither!”
A NICE DISTINCTIONPorter.“Train’s awa, man. Ye should hae ran faster.”Passenger.“Ran faster! Dod, I ran fast eneugh, but I should hae startit sooner.”
A NICE DISTINCTIONPorter.“Train’s awa, man. Ye should hae ran faster.”Passenger.“Ran faster! Dod, I ran fast eneugh, but I should hae startit sooner.”
A NICE DISTINCTION
Porter.“Train’s awa, man. Ye should hae ran faster.”
Passenger.“Ran faster! Dod, I ran fast eneugh, but I should hae startit sooner.”
“ALARUMS, EXCURSIONS”Perplexed Old Lady (at Scottish Junction in a fog).“Ah hae ma bundle—an’ ah hae ma teeck’t—but fa’s the Deeside Rel-ro’d!!”
“ALARUMS, EXCURSIONS”Perplexed Old Lady (at Scottish Junction in a fog).“Ah hae ma bundle—an’ ah hae ma teeck’t—but fa’s the Deeside Rel-ro’d!!”
“ALARUMS, EXCURSIONS”
Perplexed Old Lady (at Scottish Junction in a fog).“Ah hae ma bundle—an’ ah hae ma teeck’t—but fa’s the Deeside Rel-ro’d!!”
Excited Scotsman (who has just hooked a fish).“I’m dashed feared I’ll loose my half-crown flee!”
Excited Scotsman (who has just hooked a fish).“I’m dashed feared I’ll loose my half-crown flee!”
Excited Scotsman (who has just hooked a fish).“I’m dashed feared I’ll loose my half-crown flee!”
“WHEN GREEK MEETS GREEK.”Scene—District Court in a ColonyScots Judge (with a very marked pug-nose).“Weel, noo, sir, if ye gae along the ro’d in question, where’ll ye gang tae?”Scots Witness (deliberately).“That a’ depends, yer honour, on how far ye gae!”Judge (snappishly).“Ye understan’ vera weel, sir. If ye follow yer nose, mun, where’ll ye gang till?”Witness (after a pause).“Ah’ve always heer-ed it said, yer honour, that if ye follow yer nose too far, it’ll tak’ ye t’ the moon!”Judge.“Step doon, sir!”—(In an angry aside).—“The mon’s a fool!”
“WHEN GREEK MEETS GREEK.”Scene—District Court in a ColonyScots Judge (with a very marked pug-nose).“Weel, noo, sir, if ye gae along the ro’d in question, where’ll ye gang tae?”Scots Witness (deliberately).“That a’ depends, yer honour, on how far ye gae!”Judge (snappishly).“Ye understan’ vera weel, sir. If ye follow yer nose, mun, where’ll ye gang till?”Witness (after a pause).“Ah’ve always heer-ed it said, yer honour, that if ye follow yer nose too far, it’ll tak’ ye t’ the moon!”Judge.“Step doon, sir!”—(In an angry aside).—“The mon’s a fool!”
“WHEN GREEK MEETS GREEK.”Scene—District Court in a Colony
Scots Judge (with a very marked pug-nose).“Weel, noo, sir, if ye gae along the ro’d in question, where’ll ye gang tae?”
Scots Witness (deliberately).“That a’ depends, yer honour, on how far ye gae!”
Judge (snappishly).“Ye understan’ vera weel, sir. If ye follow yer nose, mun, where’ll ye gang till?”
Witness (after a pause).“Ah’ve always heer-ed it said, yer honour, that if ye follow yer nose too far, it’ll tak’ ye t’ the moon!”
Judge.“Step doon, sir!”—(In an angry aside).—“The mon’s a fool!”
Traveller (to Colonial Squatter).“Hullo, McDonald! I didn’t expect this of you! All your men working on a Sunday!”Mac.“This is nae Sunday, mun!—it’s Wednesday——”Traveller.“Not a bit of it! This is Sunday, I assure you——”Mac.“Aweel! Think o’ that, noo! We hinna seen a sowl for three months, an’ there’s nae an almanack i’ the hoose, an’ we’ve gotten jummelt up a’ th’gether!!”
Traveller (to Colonial Squatter).“Hullo, McDonald! I didn’t expect this of you! All your men working on a Sunday!”Mac.“This is nae Sunday, mun!—it’s Wednesday——”Traveller.“Not a bit of it! This is Sunday, I assure you——”Mac.“Aweel! Think o’ that, noo! We hinna seen a sowl for three months, an’ there’s nae an almanack i’ the hoose, an’ we’ve gotten jummelt up a’ th’gether!!”
Traveller (to Colonial Squatter).“Hullo, McDonald! I didn’t expect this of you! All your men working on a Sunday!”
Mac.“This is nae Sunday, mun!—it’s Wednesday——”
Traveller.“Not a bit of it! This is Sunday, I assure you——”
Mac.“Aweel! Think o’ that, noo! We hinna seen a sowl for three months, an’ there’s nae an almanack i’ the hoose, an’ we’ve gotten jummelt up a’ th’gether!!”
Malcolm (to the Colonel, who had been narrating his fishing adventures all over the globe).“Ye must ha’e had gran’ sport among the black men, sir! Hed they ony releegion?”—Colonel.“All kinds, Malcolm. Some worshipped idols, some the sun, some the moon, some the water——”Malcolm.“The watter!” (Musing.) “Aweel, sir, I couldna’ bring mysel’ to care for that!”
Malcolm (to the Colonel, who had been narrating his fishing adventures all over the globe).“Ye must ha’e had gran’ sport among the black men, sir! Hed they ony releegion?”—Colonel.“All kinds, Malcolm. Some worshipped idols, some the sun, some the moon, some the water——”Malcolm.“The watter!” (Musing.) “Aweel, sir, I couldna’ bring mysel’ to care for that!”
Malcolm (to the Colonel, who had been narrating his fishing adventures all over the globe).“Ye must ha’e had gran’ sport among the black men, sir! Hed they ony releegion?”—Colonel.“All kinds, Malcolm. Some worshipped idols, some the sun, some the moon, some the water——”
Malcolm.“The watter!” (Musing.) “Aweel, sir, I couldna’ bring mysel’ to care for that!”
Keeper (to the two Tourists, who find canoeing more difficult on the Highland rivers than on the Thames).“Hi! Hoy! Hoy! D’ye no ken this is the McChizzlem’s private watter!?”
Keeper (to the two Tourists, who find canoeing more difficult on the Highland rivers than on the Thames).“Hi! Hoy! Hoy! D’ye no ken this is the McChizzlem’s private watter!?”
Keeper (to the two Tourists, who find canoeing more difficult on the Highland rivers than on the Thames).“Hi! Hoy! Hoy! D’ye no ken this is the McChizzlem’s private watter!?”
MAGNIFYING HIS CALLINGPeter.“Na, laddie, this is ane o’ thae things a body can never learn. There’s no nae use in a man takin’ taethisjob unless he has a naiteral born aptitude for’d!”
MAGNIFYING HIS CALLINGPeter.“Na, laddie, this is ane o’ thae things a body can never learn. There’s no nae use in a man takin’ taethisjob unless he has a naiteral born aptitude for’d!”
MAGNIFYING HIS CALLING
Peter.“Na, laddie, this is ane o’ thae things a body can never learn. There’s no nae use in a man takin’ taethisjob unless he has a naiteral born aptitude for’d!”
GOING TO EXTREMESHe of the ruffled temper.“As sure’s ma name’s Tammas Paterson, I’ll hae the law o’ ye, though it should cost me hauf-a-croon!”
GOING TO EXTREMESHe of the ruffled temper.“As sure’s ma name’s Tammas Paterson, I’ll hae the law o’ ye, though it should cost me hauf-a-croon!”
GOING TO EXTREMES
He of the ruffled temper.“As sure’s ma name’s Tammas Paterson, I’ll hae the law o’ ye, though it should cost me hauf-a-croon!”
CARBINE PRACTICESandy McGuttle and a friend of his marking in butt. Officer in charge of squad at the shooting-range wonders why the deuce they don’t signal that last shot. He has also grave doubts about the number of bulls’-eyes already recorded.
CARBINE PRACTICESandy McGuttle and a friend of his marking in butt. Officer in charge of squad at the shooting-range wonders why the deuce they don’t signal that last shot. He has also grave doubts about the number of bulls’-eyes already recorded.
CARBINE PRACTICE
Sandy McGuttle and a friend of his marking in butt. Officer in charge of squad at the shooting-range wonders why the deuce they don’t signal that last shot. He has also grave doubts about the number of bulls’-eyes already recorded.
STAUNCHOld Lady (who had been buying eggs).“’Deed, Mr. McTreacle, butchers’ meat’s sae dear now-a-days ah’m no able to buy’t!”Grocer.“You should turn a vegetarian——”Old Lady.“A veegetarian!—Na, na! ah was born an’ brocht up i’ the Free Kirk, an’ a’m no gaun ta change ma releegion i’ m’ auld days!”
STAUNCHOld Lady (who had been buying eggs).“’Deed, Mr. McTreacle, butchers’ meat’s sae dear now-a-days ah’m no able to buy’t!”Grocer.“You should turn a vegetarian——”Old Lady.“A veegetarian!—Na, na! ah was born an’ brocht up i’ the Free Kirk, an’ a’m no gaun ta change ma releegion i’ m’ auld days!”
STAUNCH
Old Lady (who had been buying eggs).“’Deed, Mr. McTreacle, butchers’ meat’s sae dear now-a-days ah’m no able to buy’t!”
Grocer.“You should turn a vegetarian——”
Old Lady.“A veegetarian!—Na, na! ah was born an’ brocht up i’ the Free Kirk, an’ a’m no gaun ta change ma releegion i’ m’ auld days!”
Officer of Militia.“Well, sir, who are you? and what’s the matter?”Excited Citizen.“Me? I’m the bailie—the heid bailie, mon! I catched this wee laddie feshin’ on the Sawbath day! Says he’s a Caath’lic—a Rooman Caath’lic!! E-h, it’s just dreadfu’ to think o’—feshin’ in a Protestant loch!! And o’ the Sawbath! Lord save us!”
Officer of Militia.“Well, sir, who are you? and what’s the matter?”Excited Citizen.“Me? I’m the bailie—the heid bailie, mon! I catched this wee laddie feshin’ on the Sawbath day! Says he’s a Caath’lic—a Rooman Caath’lic!! E-h, it’s just dreadfu’ to think o’—feshin’ in a Protestant loch!! And o’ the Sawbath! Lord save us!”
Officer of Militia.“Well, sir, who are you? and what’s the matter?”
Excited Citizen.“Me? I’m the bailie—the heid bailie, mon! I catched this wee laddie feshin’ on the Sawbath day! Says he’s a Caath’lic—a Rooman Caath’lic!! E-h, it’s just dreadfu’ to think o’—feshin’ in a Protestant loch!! And o’ the Sawbath! Lord save us!”
RESIGNATIONHe (Third-Class).“Come awa’! D’ye no see that’s a first-class?”She (ditto).“Aweel, on a busy day like this, we maun just put up wi’ony accommodation we can get!!”
RESIGNATIONHe (Third-Class).“Come awa’! D’ye no see that’s a first-class?”She (ditto).“Aweel, on a busy day like this, we maun just put up wi’ony accommodation we can get!!”
RESIGNATION
He (Third-Class).“Come awa’! D’ye no see that’s a first-class?”
She (ditto).“Aweel, on a busy day like this, we maun just put up wi’ony accommodation we can get!!”
DESECRATION.English Angler (on Saturday evening).“Anybody ever fish up here on a Sunday, m’um?”Scots Landlady (in consternation).“Hech, mon! ye’d be jail’t!!”
DESECRATION.English Angler (on Saturday evening).“Anybody ever fish up here on a Sunday, m’um?”Scots Landlady (in consternation).“Hech, mon! ye’d be jail’t!!”
DESECRATION.
English Angler (on Saturday evening).“Anybody ever fish up here on a Sunday, m’um?”
Scots Landlady (in consternation).“Hech, mon! ye’d be jail’t!!”
“PREHISTORIC SCOTLAND” DE-PICT-ED(Notby Dr. Robert Munro.)
“PREHISTORIC SCOTLAND” DE-PICT-ED(Notby Dr. Robert Munro.)
“PREHISTORIC SCOTLAND” DE-PICT-ED
(Notby Dr. Robert Munro.)
THE END
BRADBURY, AGNEW. & CO. LD., PRINTERS, LONDON AND TONBRIDGE
Transcriber’s Notes:Obvious printing mistakes have been corrected.Inconsistencies of spelling in the original are retained in this version.Images interrupting the flow of text in the original work have been moved outside the body of the poem.Page 60, “!” added after “Bit.”Page 108, closing quotation mark added after “cream-jug.”
Transcriber’s Notes: