THE POINT OF VIEWLoch Scrimpy Hotel, N.B.Dear Maister Punch,—I’ve heerd often enough aboot ye as a kind sort o’ buddy, whae putts the warld richt,when it has gaun wrang, and I’m thinking to write tae ye, a screed about thae feckless critters, the South’ren tourists whae owerrun Auld Scotland at this time o’ the year with theircoo-pondsand theirexcursion tuckets, thinking to tak their pleesures on the cheap. Noo, the hotels in this country are famed for their vera moderate charges. I mysel have had a real good breakfast (they ca’ itdijohnnynow) for no more thanfive shullings—that’s cheap enough. And as for a bed! weel, no one can find faut with half of a sovereign? And yet thae tourists are aye complainin’. Hotel folk in Scotland should have fixed charges throughout. I,for yin, will make free to say that I will cheerfully pay them,when I find it necessary, one pound ten shullin’s for bed and breakfast and maybe half-a-croon for a good glass of the cratur, as a settler afterwards. If the hotel folk would all agree to some moderate charge like that, they could think aboot Culloden with eequanimity!Yours most friend-like,Alexander Macwhustle.Guard (to excited passenger at the Edinburgh Station, just as the train is starting).“Ye’re too late, sir. Ye canna enter.”Stalwart Aberdonian.“I maun!”Guard (holding him back).“Ye canna.”Aberdonian.“Tell ye I maun—I weel!” (Gripping Guard.) “If I maunna, ye sanna!!!”HOMAGE TO THE SCOTS RIFLESBY A SPITEFUL COMPETITORIt seems that the ScotsTurn out much better shotsAt long distance, than most of the Englishmen are:But this we all knewThat a Scotsman could do—Make a small piece of metal go awfully far.AT BILKINS’S ROYAL HOTEL (LIMITED), LONDON.Mac (hungry).“Lo-or-sh keep’s! Ca’ this a br’akfast!!”AT THE ROB ROY INN, PEEBLES, UNLIMITED!THE PRINCIPAL REASON WHY MAC STAYED SUCH A SHORT TIME IN LONDON.CANNY“Why I dinna prayfair tae smoke, hech? Weel, noo loddie, I’ll joost tell ye. While’s ye’re smoking, ye blaw an’ blaw, an’whaur is’t? But gin ye tak a guid pench, losh! mon, ye kenet’s there!”A WEIGHTY REASONRab.“They’re tellin’ me that Tam Stirdy’s turned oot a great poet since he gaed tae London.”Allan.“Poet! Hoo could Tam Stirdy be a poet? Man, he was at the schule wi’me!”
Loch Scrimpy Hotel, N.B.
Dear Maister Punch,—I’ve heerd often enough aboot ye as a kind sort o’ buddy, whae putts the warld richt,when it has gaun wrang, and I’m thinking to write tae ye, a screed about thae feckless critters, the South’ren tourists whae owerrun Auld Scotland at this time o’ the year with theircoo-pondsand theirexcursion tuckets, thinking to tak their pleesures on the cheap. Noo, the hotels in this country are famed for their vera moderate charges. I mysel have had a real good breakfast (they ca’ itdijohnnynow) for no more thanfive shullings—that’s cheap enough. And as for a bed! weel, no one can find faut with half of a sovereign? And yet thae tourists are aye complainin’. Hotel folk in Scotland should have fixed charges throughout. I,for yin, will make free to say that I will cheerfully pay them,when I find it necessary, one pound ten shullin’s for bed and breakfast and maybe half-a-croon for a good glass of the cratur, as a settler afterwards. If the hotel folk would all agree to some moderate charge like that, they could think aboot Culloden with eequanimity!
Yours most friend-like,
Alexander Macwhustle.
Guard (to excited passenger at the Edinburgh Station, just as the train is starting).“Ye’re too late, sir. Ye canna enter.”Stalwart Aberdonian.“I maun!”Guard (holding him back).“Ye canna.”Aberdonian.“Tell ye I maun—I weel!” (Gripping Guard.) “If I maunna, ye sanna!!!”
Guard (to excited passenger at the Edinburgh Station, just as the train is starting).“Ye’re too late, sir. Ye canna enter.”Stalwart Aberdonian.“I maun!”Guard (holding him back).“Ye canna.”Aberdonian.“Tell ye I maun—I weel!” (Gripping Guard.) “If I maunna, ye sanna!!!”
Guard (to excited passenger at the Edinburgh Station, just as the train is starting).“Ye’re too late, sir. Ye canna enter.”
Stalwart Aberdonian.“I maun!”
Guard (holding him back).“Ye canna.”
Aberdonian.“Tell ye I maun—I weel!” (Gripping Guard.) “If I maunna, ye sanna!!!”
BY A SPITEFUL COMPETITOR
It seems that the ScotsTurn out much better shotsAt long distance, than most of the Englishmen are:But this we all knewThat a Scotsman could do—Make a small piece of metal go awfully far.
It seems that the ScotsTurn out much better shotsAt long distance, than most of the Englishmen are:But this we all knewThat a Scotsman could do—Make a small piece of metal go awfully far.
It seems that the ScotsTurn out much better shotsAt long distance, than most of the Englishmen are:But this we all knewThat a Scotsman could do—Make a small piece of metal go awfully far.
It seems that the Scots
Turn out much better shots
At long distance, than most of the Englishmen are:
But this we all knew
That a Scotsman could do—
Make a small piece of metal go awfully far.
AT BILKINS’S ROYAL HOTEL (LIMITED), LONDON.Mac (hungry).“Lo-or-sh keep’s! Ca’ this a br’akfast!!”
AT BILKINS’S ROYAL HOTEL (LIMITED), LONDON.Mac (hungry).“Lo-or-sh keep’s! Ca’ this a br’akfast!!”
AT BILKINS’S ROYAL HOTEL (LIMITED), LONDON.
Mac (hungry).“Lo-or-sh keep’s! Ca’ this a br’akfast!!”
AT THE ROB ROY INN, PEEBLES, UNLIMITED!
AT THE ROB ROY INN, PEEBLES, UNLIMITED!
AT THE ROB ROY INN, PEEBLES, UNLIMITED!
THE PRINCIPAL REASON WHY MAC STAYED SUCH A SHORT TIME IN LONDON.
THE PRINCIPAL REASON WHY MAC STAYED SUCH A SHORT TIME IN LONDON.
CANNY“Why I dinna prayfair tae smoke, hech? Weel, noo loddie, I’ll joost tell ye. While’s ye’re smoking, ye blaw an’ blaw, an’whaur is’t? But gin ye tak a guid pench, losh! mon, ye kenet’s there!”
CANNY“Why I dinna prayfair tae smoke, hech? Weel, noo loddie, I’ll joost tell ye. While’s ye’re smoking, ye blaw an’ blaw, an’whaur is’t? But gin ye tak a guid pench, losh! mon, ye kenet’s there!”
CANNY
“Why I dinna prayfair tae smoke, hech? Weel, noo loddie, I’ll joost tell ye. While’s ye’re smoking, ye blaw an’ blaw, an’whaur is’t? But gin ye tak a guid pench, losh! mon, ye kenet’s there!”
A WEIGHTY REASONRab.“They’re tellin’ me that Tam Stirdy’s turned oot a great poet since he gaed tae London.”Allan.“Poet! Hoo could Tam Stirdy be a poet? Man, he was at the schule wi’me!”
A WEIGHTY REASONRab.“They’re tellin’ me that Tam Stirdy’s turned oot a great poet since he gaed tae London.”Allan.“Poet! Hoo could Tam Stirdy be a poet? Man, he was at the schule wi’me!”
A WEIGHTY REASON
Rab.“They’re tellin’ me that Tam Stirdy’s turned oot a great poet since he gaed tae London.”
Allan.“Poet! Hoo could Tam Stirdy be a poet? Man, he was at the schule wi’me!”