METROPOLITAN HOUSEHOLDERS' CLUB

We understand it is in contemplation to get up a club for the purpose of endeavouring to improve the quality of servants. The indifference of the material is very much against the project, but the effort is worth making. A few old housekeepers have determined to set the scheme on foot by offering a few prizes, of which the following is a catalogue:—

For the Cook who has lived longest in one place without including whole candles under the general head of kitchen-stuffOne poundFor the Nurse who has walked oftenest in the Park without speaking to a Horse-guardTen shillingsFor the Housemaid who has remained longest in a situation in which the cat has not been in the habit of doing wilful damage to the crockeryFive shillingsLady (engaging a maid)."Was your last mistress satisfied with you?"Maid."Well, mum, she said she was very pleasedwhen I left!"For the Cook who has been the greatest number of years in service without resigning her own heart and her mistress's cold meat to the devouring passion of a policemanFifteen shillingsFor the Nurse who has remained the longest time in a place without mistaking the children's linen for her own, and given the baby the fewest private punches and pinchesSeven shillingsFor the Female Servant who has set off on Sunday evenings to go to church, and found her way there oftenestFive shillingsFor the Page who has opened the smallest number of notes in the longest period of serviceHalf-a-CrownFor the Groom who has best carried out the principles of protection with regard to his master's cornTen shillingsFor the Footman who has worn the fewest of his master's shirtsOne shilling

For the Cook who has lived longest in one place without including whole candles under the general head of kitchen-stuff

One pound

For the Nurse who has walked oftenest in the Park without speaking to a Horse-guard

Ten shillings

For the Housemaid who has remained longest in a situation in which the cat has not been in the habit of doing wilful damage to the crockery

Five shillings

Lady (engaging a maid)."Was your last mistress satisfied with you?"Maid."Well, mum, she said she was very pleasedwhen I left!"

Lady (engaging a maid)."Was your last mistress satisfied with you?"

Maid."Well, mum, she said she was very pleasedwhen I left!"

For the Cook who has been the greatest number of years in service without resigning her own heart and her mistress's cold meat to the devouring passion of a policeman

Fifteen shillings

For the Nurse who has remained the longest time in a place without mistaking the children's linen for her own, and given the baby the fewest private punches and pinches

Seven shillings

For the Female Servant who has set off on Sunday evenings to go to church, and found her way there oftenest

Five shillings

For the Page who has opened the smallest number of notes in the longest period of service

Half-a-Crown

For the Groom who has best carried out the principles of protection with regard to his master's corn

Ten shillings

For the Footman who has worn the fewest of his master's shirts

One shilling

The above are only a few preliminary prizes, but if the scheme can be effectually carried out, there is every intention to offer rewards for a variety of other qualities. In the present day, when servants are always "bettering" themselves, which means growing worse and worse, the project of a prize club for this troublesome class seems fraught with the most promising prospects.

Speeding the Staying Guest.—Hostess."Won'tyousing something, Mr. Borely?"Mr. B."Yes, if you like. I'll sing one just before I go."Hostess. "Well,dosingnow, and perhaps Miss Slowboy will accompany you."

Mistress."Did Mrs. Brown say anything when you told her I was out?"

Maid."Yes, 'm. Mrs. Brown, mum, said, 'Thank Heaven!' mum."

Out of her Element.—The last place which you would expect a woman to like is—a stillroom.

"Cuisine."—Mistress."Susan, we're thinking of having a pig's head boiled for dinner. You understand it, I suppose?"

Cook."Oh no, m'um. I told you before I came I didn't understand game!"

"In the Queen's Name."—Martha the Cook (to Lizzy the Housemaid)."'Ere's an 'orrible mistake. In 'is subscripshion list the heditor 'as spelt your name with a "hi" and a "he" instead of a "y.""

"A GHOSTLY VISITANT"Mistress (returning)."Any one to see me, Mary?"Mary."Yes, mem. An insanitary spectre."[But it was only the sanitary inspector who had called regarding some alterations that were going on.

"A GHOSTLY VISITANT"

Mistress (returning)."Any one to see me, Mary?"Mary."Yes, mem. An insanitary spectre."

[But it was only the sanitary inspector who had called regarding some alterations that were going on.

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