LINCOLN.
Thusoccasionally consoling myself, the waggon arrived at the famous and ancient city ofLincoln. My first visit was to a young lady of high musical acquirements. She received me with a most bewitching air, which she sang to her guittar, for she had heard of my fame atGotham, and was not unapprized of my ambulatory design: her name was originallyFernihough, but she had long dropped thehoughat the end of it, as gothic and inharmonious. Thus she saluted me:
“Dear Collioni, Collioni, Collioni;
Dear, dear, dear, Collioni;
Happy, happy, Gotham, Gotham;
Gotham, Gotham, happy Gotham.”
I could only bow and smile in answer to this compliment, (which indeed, tho’ very elegant, I did not conceive was above my merits,) as I had not an extempore sonnet ready made to answer it.
Then taking my hand with a delightful air, she introduced me to Dr.Dilettanti, a most illustrious timeist; he sat musing and beating with his foot, and took hold of, and quitted my hand in the same portion of time, which he measured by the pulsations of his foot.
“Excuse,” said he, “illustriousCollioni, the measured mode of my gestures in saluting you; but I have long accustomed myself to measure out the parts of time on a variety of sounding instruments, and have at length introduced it into all the motions of my body. At my house, sir, you will learn to cut your meat, and move your jaws at dinner in common or triple time, according to the instruments that accompany our meals.——By dealing the cards at quadrille, how easy it is to judge if the party has an ear!——yonder gentleman who comes towards our window, see how he swings his arms in exact time, true as the pendulum of a clock. I can assureyou, sir, he is great on the violoncello. My dear wife says, the conjugal endearments are doubly improved, if a husband is a good timeist. She approves of triple time; and on this account I formerly had a servant who play’d in our bed-room every Sunday night, ’till we slept. And since I became one of thecastrati, I have acquired the habit of making water at intervals in the truest time like a pig; and may say, that I believe for exactness of ear, that I am not exceeded by any modern musician.”
On this, this great man took up a Jew’s harp that lay by him, and with a twing, twang, twong, moving his finger across his lips, and making faces in the most exact time, he fetched out such prurient harmony, as ravished my very soul, and threw sweet MissFerniinto the most agreeable convulsions.
During our dinner, two of the Doctor’s servants entertained us with many excellent and solemn pieces of music. Indeed,I was so solicitous to cut and eat my meat in true time, as I thought my character depended on this circumstance, that I unfortunately cut my lips, so that the blood much terrified me; and sweet MissFerniwas so earnestly attending to the fiddlers, that on their suddenly changing the time fromadagiotosestina, she swallowed the ivory spoon out of a mustard pot; which, as it stuck across her throat, I am sure must have given that excellent young lady exquisite pain, yet did she cough, and even vomit repeatedly in most accurate time, and screamed from fear most harmoniously through the whole gamut, fromatoginclusively, long after the spoon was restored to its place.