CHAPTERIV.
We left Chelmsford on the14thof April, and marched to the Isle of Wight, where we lay until the27thMay. I was once in the Methodist meeting house while we lay in the town of Newport. On the27thMay, 1800, we embarked on board the Diadem, 64 guns, and the Inconstant frigate, both armeden flute(i. e.partially armed), and fitted for the reception of troops. We left all our women and heavy baggage in the Isle of Wight; and as we were not informed where we were going, this circumstance led us to conjecture, that we were destined for some desperate and secret enterprise. We were joined by some more ships with troops, and sailed down the English channel, until we fell in with the Channel fleet, under the command of Sir John Jarvis. Sir Edward Pellew, (now Lord Exmouth,) was sent along with us, with a squadron of eight ships of war. It was a magnificent sight to see the Channel fleet in regular order. They were in number forty-four ships of the line, (a large proportion of them three-deckers) and a number of frigates. We sailed along the cost of France until we came to the bay of Quiberon, where we came to an anchor on the2dJune, near a small island called Houet, lying betwixt the isle of Belleisle and the main land, about four or five miles from the latter, and six or seven from Belleisle.
On the4th, which was the anniversary of his Majesty's birth, a singular occurrence took place. A sloop of war, and a number of boats armed with carronades, having detachments of troops in them, were despatched in the morning, to attack a battery situated on a projecting point of the main land, where it approaches nearest to Belleisle, and from which ships coming to our present anchorage, were liable to be fired upon. It lay about eight or ten miles from us: but as the wind was light, the sloop of war and the boats did not get near the battery, until it was past twelve o'clock. The battery then opened a fire from two 24 pounders, which played briskly upon them. The day was fine and clear, which permitted us to see the smoke of every gun that was fired, and where the shot struck the water. We looked on with eager anxiety, and observed all the movements of the sloop of war and the boats. It was near one o'clock before she was in a position to return the fire of the battery, which she did briskly. The armed boats then pulled towards the shore, under cover of her fire. At one o'clock they were close to the battery, and commenced a smart fire upon it from their carronades, and the contest was at the hottest, just at the instant that the ships we were in, were firing the salute in honour of his Majesty's birth day. The enemy precipitately retired from the battery, and the troops and seamen landed, dismounted the guns, broke the carriages, and did what other damage they could, and then returned to the fleet. We all remarked the singularity of the circumstance, that while we were saluting with blank shot, they were saluting with round, double headed, and grape shot, in real earnest, by which several lives were lost, and some were wounded, besides other damages.
We landed on the island of Houet on the6thJune. It was a small place, almost destitute of cultivation, and only a little fishing village on it. Some more ships arrived from England with troops, and preparations were made for attacking Belleisle. On the15thJune, we were embarked on board the ships of the line, in order to go near the island, and make our debarkation from them, under the cover of their guns. Our regiment was wholly on board of the Terrible, 74. We were five days in this ship; and here there were a number of the sailors, who were serious, and united together few prayer and praise; some of them were known to several of our men; the seamen were all very kind, and uncommonly obliging to us; every thing was orderly and quiet; religion appeared to have so far prevailed in this ship, as to give a general tone to the manners and conversation of the seamen; so that they were not like the same kind of men that we met with in other ships of war. Those men, who were not religious, did not make a mock at religion; and those who were serious, were in the habit of having what might be called public prayers between decks, at stated periods. This was intimated through the ship, by two or more individuals going round and informing the sailors that there were to be prayers at such a gun, say,No.9 or 10, on the starboard or larboard side. At these public meetings, I understood, that one or other of them addressed their fellow seamen.—In these practices they appeared to be protected by their officers; and they held a meeting for prayer and praise, on the forecastle, evening and morning: I had some conversation with some of them who were natives of Scotland; but I was never actually present at any of the meetings. We were so crowded, that it was with difficulty we could move from one part of the ship to another; and we durst never be any time absent from the place where our arms were, lest we should lose them, and not find them readily, as we were under orders to be ready at a moment's notice to go into the boats. Our coming to this ship, was one of the steps of divine Providence for my good; for seeing and hearing something of religion in it, awakened once more in my heart, a concern for my soul; and, although it wore off, as before, it was a means of preventing me from becoming confirmed in a state of careless indifference.
On the18thJune, the Captain 74, while under sail, happened to approach the shore, and went within reach of shot. When she put about, to stand out from the shore, she was fired upon from several points nearly in the same instant, and received some damage before she got out of reach. The batteries which fired upon her were concealed from view; and we were informed, that the shore was defended by batteries, at all the points where it was convenient to land. We were waiting for the arrival of some more troops from England, which were hourly expected, but did not arrive.—On the20th, the enterprise was given up. It was said, that during the hazy weather, which had prevented us from seeing to any distance, re-enforcements had been sent into Belleisle. We returned to the isle of Houet, and to our tents, which had been left standing. Our number was said to be about 5000. On the next day, orders arrived for us to embark, which was done; and we sailed on the day following under sealed orders, and left the ships of war that belonged to the Channel fleet.
We had a pleasant and quick passage to the Straits of Gibraltar, where our Commodore informed us, that we were destined for the island of Minorca, to join an expedition that was forming under Sir Ralph Abercrombie, to assist the Austrians in Italy. We passed through the Straits, but did not touch at Gibraltar. We arrived at Minorca on the21stJuly. We then learned, that Sir Ralph Abercrombie had already been at Leghorn; but that the Austrians having sustained a severe defeat from the French, under Buonaparte, had made an agreement, which did not allow of British troops being landed, and that Sir Ralph had brought back what troops he had to Minorca. We landed for refreshment and exercise on the 7th of August, and the whole regiment embarked again, on the30th, on board of the Stately, 64. We sailed on the31stfor Gibraltar, where we arrived on the14thSeptember. We were there joined by another expedition, under the command of Sir James Pulteney. They had sailed from England in the beginning of July, and had made a descent on the coast of Spain at Ferrol, but had not effected any thing, except alarming the country. There was now a large body of troops on board this fleet; their number being about 25000. There were in all, upwards of 100 sail of large ships; two-thirds of which were war vessels of one description or other. We were in want of water, to get which, we went to Tetuan bay, which is on the Barbary shore, to the south-east of Gibraltar, belonging to Morocco. Here the whole fleet completed their stores of provisions and water. We set sail on the27th, with an intention to pass the straits of Gibraltar; but the wind changed, and after beating about, we put back to Tetuan on the29th. On the1stOctober, the wind having become fair, we set sail, passed through the Straits, and anchored next day near to Cadiz in Spain. On the3dof October we got orders to be in readiness to land. A flag of truce came from the shore to the Admiral on the 4th, and returned back the same day. On the 6th, the day being fine, we weighed anchor and stood across the bay of Cadiz, with the intention of landing near the town ofSt.Mary's. The dispositions having been made for landing, the ships of war, intended to cover the debarkation, were moving towards the shore, and a cutter had gone so near as to be fired upon. The first division of troops were in the boats, and had rowed off for the shore: we were all in readiness, and were receiving our ammunition; I had just got mine in six parcels, of ten cartridges each, when a flag of truce, which we had seen coming from the harbour, reached the Admiral's ship; and before I had got the half of the cartridges into my pouch, a signal was made by the Admiral, for the boats to return, and put the troops on board their respective ships, the design of landing being relinquished.—We were struck with the suddenness of the change. The flag of truce returned to the shore; and a report was spread, that the place had been ransomed by money; but whether there was any truth in this, or whether any political concession had been made, can not be known. There was one thing, however, and possibly it might be the only thing that prevented our landing; the plague was raging in Cadiz at the time.
I have been somewhat minute in detailing this circumstance; but it has always appeared to me, a very striking occurrence in Providence; for, in a very few minutes, the war vessels would have opened their broadsides upon the troops and batteries on shore; the troops in the boats would soon have been under the enemy's fire, and probably have effected a landing; and, if hostilities had once commenced, it is difficult to tell, but the enterprise might have been pushed, until Cadiz had been taken, and their fleet of war-ships captured or destroyed, unless the Spanish force had been too strong for us.
This event once more awakened me, by a sense of apparent danger. The prospect of having to contend with what troops might be in the field, and of having to attack fortified places, and the likelihood, that desperate efforts would be made to gain our purpose, before the Spaniards should have time to collect a large force in the field, made me apprehend that the undertaking was one of no ordinary danger. My conduct on this occasion was similar to what it had been on former occasions. I prayed for mercy and preservation. I still had no hope for eternity, but what was to arise out of future reformation of character, a reformation which was yet to begin. As formerly, I now again resolved to set about it:—but we left the bay of Cadiz on the7th, and returned to Tetuan bay on the12th, and part of the fleet put into Gibraltar: and the danger I had dreaded being thus past, the resolution it had excited was soon departed from.
But another danger of a different kind was at hand. On the15th, the north-east wind had risen to a great height, so that our boats, which had gone with empty casks to get water, were obliged to return to the ship and leave their casks on shore; and the storm kept increasing as the evening drew on. At 8 o'clock at night the splice of our cable slipped, and we began to drift. As we had only one other anchor on board, which was not sufficient to ride the storm with, we endeavoured to put to sea. It was at a great risk that we effected this. We were in the midst of a large fleet, and were every moment in danger of running foul of one or other of the ships. With difficulty we got the fore-sail, and some of the stay-sails set, and, although the night was very dark, by the goodness of God, we got clear out from the fleet, and steered for Gibraltar. When we came there, as we passed by the stern of the Admiral's ship, we were ordered to pass through the Straits, and anchor on the west side of Barbary. We accordingly put about, and passed through the Straits before the wind, going at the rate of seven miles an hour, under our bare poles. We had a large flat bottomed boat at our stern, which the stormy weather did not permit us to hoist on board; and by day-light in the morning, there was nothing of it remaining but the keel with the ring-bolt, by which it was towed. Before day-break we had cleared the Straits of Gibraltar. We then set some sail, and stood off and on the Barbary coast, until the17th, when, the weather moderating, we cast anchor. On the18th, the weather cleared up, and we perceived a number of the fleet at anchor to windward of us, nearer the shore, at about 20 miles distance. We weighed anchor and beat to windward to join them; but the weather again got squally, and about one o'clock a squall overtook us, which carried away our main-top, and top gallant, and mizen top-gallant masts. We shortly after came to anchor near the fleet, and the weather becoming moderate, in the course of next day, we got our damages pretty well repaired, and received an additional anchor from the Ajax man of war. On the23dwe set sail; passed once more through the Straits of Gibraltar; anchored in Tetuan bay for the third time on the26th; and after having completed our water, and received some more provisions, we sailed on the 8th Nov. for Minorca, to get our provisions and other ship stores completed.
We now began to hear that we were bound for Egypt. At this we were all very sorry, not knowing when we might return, or who might have the happiness of seeing their native country again. I had often read and heard of the dangerous nature of the climate of Egypt and of the disasters of the French army there by the plague. The prospect now before us made a strong impression on my mind. I became more serious; religion began to be more attended to by several, and a party for prayer and conversation was formed; but I was not one of the number, being too proud to associate with them.
We made the island of Minorca on the16th; but the wind being strong and contrary, we did not get into the harbour until the21st; and having obtained what we wanted, we set sail again on the27thfor Malta, where we arrived on the6thDecember. The day we made the island was very fine, and as Malta was a place of note on various accounts, and amongst others, as being the place where the apostle Paul suffered shipwreck, I staid upon deck from the time we came in sight of it, which was in the morning, until we were anchored in the harbour. As we sailed along the island, I anxiously looked for the "place where two seas met." As we passed by the small island of Comena, thecreekwhere the apostle says they thrust in the ship, was easily discerned. It bears now the name ofSt.Paul's bay, and the channels between Comena, Goza, and Malta, meet at it, which marks it as the place which Paul describes.
We left Malta on the21st, and sailed for Marmorice bay in Asia. In our voyage, we coasted along the whole length of the south side of the island of Candia, which is ancient Crete, after which we came to the isle of Rhodes, which is only about 20 miles distant from the coast of Asia. I felt a more than usual interest in looking at those places, from what I had read of them in history, particularly from what is said of them in the Scriptures. Little did I think, in reading of them when a boy, that I should one day see them, or that I should do the duty of a soldier in the land of Egypt.
From Rhodes we steered direct for the opposite coast of Asia, and, entering into a passage of some length, between two high hills, we wondered where we were going, for we did not see any place in this opening fit for ships to lie in, and the land on both sides was rocky hills, covered with wood, (except where the rocks were completely bare of soil,) and appeared to be the habitations of wild beasts. When we arrived very near the head of the inlet, we were surprised to see a ship that was a little ahead of us, get out of our sight almost in an instant; but when we had got a little farther, we found a passage which turned to the right, round a very perpendicular hill, as suddenly as if it had been the corner of a street. Into this passage we sailed. It was but short, and in a few minutes we entered into one of the largest and finest bays, it is said, in the world. Here we cast anchor on the29thDecember, 1800, and lay until the23dFebruary, 1801, making arrangements for our attacking the French in Egypt; procuring horses for the use of the artillery and cavalry: and cutting wood for fuel, and for making fascines and pallisades in case they should be needed after we landed. The bay is nearly surrounded with high hills, which, except in and about the small town of Marmorice, are covered with wood, in general very thick. There are great numbers of wild beasts in the woods, which make so much noise in the night time as to be heard over the whole bay. There was a small plain on one side of the bay, where we pitched tents for those that were sick; but there was a necessity to have a guard, to keep on fires in the rear of the tents, during the night; and some nights the noise of the wild beasts indicated their being so near the tents, that the sentinels fired to keep them at a distance. Some seamen belonging to one of the war ships, who were cutting wood at one place, ventured to stay all night on the shore; they were killed by the wild beasts before morning.
We were not long in this place until a market was erected on shore, and vessels from the adjacent coast soon found their way to it, with all kinds of fruit, and sheep and goats, and other useful articles; so that that part of the shore assumed the appearance of one of our country fairs. The soil around the bay is to all appearance fertile; but cultivation has been on the decline for a long time past, which has allowed the wood to extend, in several places, to the very shores. At some distant period the shores seem to have been better peopled, and the wood to have been farther back. I found the ruins of a house upon the top of a small eminence, pretty far back in the woods. The walls were partly standing; trees were growing out of the floor; a plot of ground, which had been levelled for a garden, still retained its shape, and had a fine spring of water running through it. Land turtle is in plenty in the woods.
I shall now return, to state what were the exercises of my mind during the passage up the Mediterranean, and while we lay in this bay.—A book upon the first principles of astronomy fell in my way. This gave me a new view of creation: and at the same time a treatise on Philology came into my hands, in which was a descant on the glory of God in the works of nature. I had undergone some very sharp convictions of sin, my mind had been strongly impressed with eternal things, and I had persuaded two of my comrades to join with me in prayer; which we did on several occasions, but fell off from it. After reading the above-mentioned books, and several volumes of the Spectator, my mind fell into a strange speculative frame, on the duty of the creature to glorify its Creator, let the Creator do what he will to the creature. I reasoned thus with myself:—That every thing that God did was wise and just, therefore it was our duty to glorify God for all that he did to us, whether it was in judgment or in mercy: did he deal with us in mercy—gratitude ought to lead us to glorify him: did he deal with us in judgment—it was our own sins that provoked him to do it: he did no more than what was just; and we were as really bound to glorify him for his justice, as for his mercy; and if we did not do so, we augmented our guilt. By reasoning in this way, I came at last to a fallacious and very dangerous conclusion, under the guise of wisdom. I concluded, that if I could not lessen what guilt was already contracted, neither altogether avoid contracting more, it would be wise to contract as little additional guilt as possible; and that, should God deal with me in justice, I must not complain and murmur; he is holy, just, and wise; he will not punish me above what I deserve; whatever he does with me, his creature, it becomes me to glorify his name, by a cheerful acquiescence in his divine procedure; yea, to glorify Him, should I be for ever damned. By doing this, I may possibly make hell more tolerable than otherwise it would be: if I can not escape his justice, by his not granting me mercy, let me behave in such a manner as may make the consequences of his wrath sit the lighter upon me.—I shudder to think on this part of my experience at this day; on the pain of mind with which it was accompanied, and the fallacious and dangerous opiate which the conclusion contained to lull my conscience asleep; for I did in consequence fall into a careless and listless state of mind. But, by the goodness of God, I was not allowed to remain long under it. It happened one day shortly after, that, from eating salt provisions, and from the extreme scantiness of water, I became exceedingly thirsty, and with great difficulty procured a little to drink. A thought then shot across my mind:—if I am so impatient under a temporary thirst, and so eager to procure relief, how shall I preserve my patience in hell?—if I am so unhappy under the pressure of so trivial a circumstance, how much more unhappy shall I be, if I be cast into everlasting burnings, where I shall not have one drop of water to cool my tongue! This broke the delusion, but it did not eradicate it.
An infectious fever broke out among us. It was at first slow in its progress, but after a short time it began to infect numbers. Our condition on board the Stately contributed towards it; for we had no hammocks, nor beds, but only our camp blankets to sleep in; we lay upon the under deck, and, when the weather was stormy, so much water leaked in by the edges of the ports, as made the lee side of the ship very wet. When she tacked, the water that was lying in the lee side would then run across the whole deck; and although we dried it the best way we could, yet we were so crowded that we were often under the necessity of lying down upon the damp deck. This was hurtful to us, causing us to feel stiff, and our bones sore; and although it did notproducethe fever, (for it was introduced by some recruits who came on board at Malta,) it was, in my opinion, one cause of its spreading so rapidly at last.
I caught this fever at the time it began to spread, and it was pretty severe upon me. I got better, and relapsed, and the second turn of it was worse than the first.[5]While under it I had time to consider myself more fully. My present condition was so painful, that I would have done all in my power, and given all I could possess, to be free from it; and yet with my most sanguine hopes, I could not expect hell to be one half so tolerable. What, thought I, is the glory of God to me as a creature? If that same glory only renders me miserable, will the misery of my condition if I am sent to hell, be in any measure alleviated, by the consideration, that the justice of God is glorified by my condemnation? It is true, I shall not cease to exist; but what pleasure can I have in my existence, unless I reap some benefit by it, by having some portion of happiness in it? If I am made completely miserable, and have no prospect of any portion of happiness for the future, my existence must prove my greatest misery. He who knows all things has said, "Good were it for that man, if he had never been born." If the justice of God dooms me to suffer for my sins, woe is me! I now exist, and I can not annihilate myself; nor can I fly from God's justice. I am a sinner, and if I receive not mercy, I must be for ever miserable! How awful is his justice! How great is his power! How daring and delusive the thought of hoping to find any portion of happiness in that place, where he has declared all is perfect misery; where nothing dwells but the terrors of the Almighty; where the subjects of his justice are a terror to themselves, and to each other; where there is nothing but weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth!
As I began to recover, I turned my thoughts more closely than before, to those places of Scripture which describe hell, the place of torment. I examined what the Scripture has said of its awful nature; that it is "a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God;"—for "who knoweth the power of his anger?" and "our God is a consuming fire." I found, also, that the Scripture evidence of its being endless in its duration, was as conclusive as that of the endless duration of the happiness of heaven. He who said that the one was eternal, said the same of the other. But, when contemplating this awful subject, I was at times tempted to think, "It may be, that although God has said so, he may not intend to execute his dreadful threatening to the full extent: there may be a future period, in which he will extend mercy to his creatures, but which he has kept hid from them, for wise purposes, that they might not presume on his mercy, and spend their present lives in sin, and not repent in this world, because there would be an opportunity to repent in the next."—But this reasoning did not long deceive me; for I continued to ponder the subject, and I saw that such a notion did not consist with the veracity of God. He could not say one thing, while he intended another; if I admitted that he said one thing and intended another, with respect to the duration of punishment in hell, it would, with equal consistency, apply to what he said of the endless happiness of heaven, and so render uncertain any hope that might be built upon the promise of it; and if the principle were in one case admitted, it would throw loose all his promises and threatenings, respecting both this world and the next; for we should still have room to think, God has said so, but he does not mean so.—I also reflected, if God has said, that the punishment of hell shall be eternal, and has a secret purpose of mercy at some distant period, if this is a secret of his own, how can any one know it? If he has not told it, how is it possible for any one to find out that which God intends should be secret? Reflection upon this idea, put an end to the speculation, as being a gross absurdity. I also reflected on the nature of sin;—I said to myself, "Supposing I were cast into hell for the sins of my present life, would I cease to commit sin when there? and if I did what was in itself sinful in hell, would the torments of the place excuse it? would the justice of God take no cognisance of what I did there?" This was a piercing exercise to my mind: but it was salutary; and I believe I was indebted to what I had read in Boston's Fourfold State for it, although I was not aware of it at the time. I answered the above queries in this way: If, when I am in a state of partial sufferings here, I am not able to suffer without being at least impatient and fretful, if I do not actually complain and murmur—how can I expect to behave any better in hell? My present sufferings do not excuse the sins I commit under them; I shall then, as well as now, be a subject of the justice of God; and when I shall be suffering for past sins, that will be no excuse for the commission of new ones; if I am to make the debt of sin less by suffering for it, I must not contract more debt at the time I am paying the old; for if I do, I shall continue to be a debtor; and as long as I continue to commit sin, I must continue to suffer for it, for the claims of Divine justice are indispensable. Following out these reflections put a complete end to all speculation, of the probability, or possibility, of ever finding any portion of happiness, if I did not obtain the pardon of my sins, and deliverance from sin itself, before I left this world, and appeared in the presence of God.—These speculations show that my mind was ready to catch at any thing, that appeared to furnish the least hope, however delusive it might be; for when I looked forward to eternity, not having the confidence that arises from faith in the Lord Jesus, as an all-sufficient Saviour, and not discerning the doctrine of his complete atonement and justifying righteousness, I was glad to lay hold of any thing that appeared to afford the smallest glimpse of hope, rather than be without hope altogether.
Having, by the goodness of God, recovered from the fever, the effect of it was to make me resolve once more to devote myself to his service. Gratitude for his mercy in my recovery induced me to do this; and I hoped for better success in my endeavours than heretofore: but alas! it was not long before my conscience found matter of accusation against me; and this threw me as far back as ever. I searched for a reason why I failed in my attempts to serve God; but I did not find the true one. I began to lay the blame on the example and conversation of my comrades; and would fain have palliated the evil of my conduct on this ground, and flattered myself that God would therefore be the less strict with me. But then I reflected, that it would be a pernicious and fatal delusion for me, to flatter myself with any thing that would not stand the test of his judgment seat. I found no toleration for sin, in any situation, in the word of God; and my conscience charged me, not only with wilful sins, for which I could devise no excuse, but also with loving sin itself, which God hateth. Yet, as experience had taught me that one thing led to another, I determined to keep myself as much as possible out of the company of the profligate, and profane, and loose talkers, and to keep my mind as constantly fixed as possible on serious subjects. I set heaven with all its charms before my mind, as the object to be gained, and hell with all its terrors, as the object to be escaped. I contrasted time with eternity, and said to myself, Surely eternity is of such vast importance, as to be worth all the sufferings that can be endured, and all the exertions that can be made, in the narrow bounds of human life. I again set out in a new course of obedience, resolved to watch all the avenues to temptation; and, under the influence of this resolution, I avoided, as much as I could, in my present situation, those whose conversation I wished to shun; but it was impossible to be always out of the hearing of it;—all I could do, was not to mingle in converse with them; and I have frequently stopped my ears with my fingers, that I might not hear licentious and profane talk, when I knew it was going on: but I could not do this on every occasion, and when I did get it done, it gave me a proof of the deceitfulness of my own heart; for evil thoughts and sinful desires would spring up in it even at the time when I was stopping my ears, that I might not hear the wicked conversation of others. To this, however, I was not sufficiently attentive, but laid the blame, in some shape or other, on the temptations with which I was surrounded, as being, either directly or indirectly, the cause why I was not able to keep my own heart. This led me to despair of my ever being able to serve God aright, and obtain his favour by keeping his commandments while I remained in the army. I therefore began to wish I were free of it, and placed in a situation where I should have it in my power to enjoy solitude, and keep out of the way of temptation. I thought that of a hermit a very favourable one; not that I wished to be a hermit altogether, but I fancied if I were only in a situation in which I could keep myself, in a great measure, secluded from the world, and give myself to reading, meditation, and devotion, I should then serve God in a perfect manner. Here again I began to reflect—What if God cuts me off for my sins while I am in the army? What shall become of me? Have I any hope if I should die, or be slain, while in the army? To this perplexing question I could give no answer; all I could do, was to pray to God to spare my life, to deliver me from the army, and to bring me into a situation in which I should have it in my power to serve him. But my mind soon misgave me, and led me to suspect that this was not right; and on examining it, I became convinced that I was equally bound to serve God in my present situation as in any other. Our Lord's answer to Paul's prayer, "My grace is sufficient for thee," and many other promises of God to his people came into my mind; and, although I did not understand them aright, yet they convinced me that my situation would not be an excuse for my sins; they convinced me, that if I was one of God's children, his grace would be sufficient to enable me to serve him acceptably, whatever situation his providence might allot me. But knowing, at the same time, that bad company had a great effect in confirming evil habits, I still thought, that were I but free of the army, I should have a great deal less to struggle with. Before I was free of the army, however, experience convinced me that solitude was no antidote to a deceitful heart; for in the solitary hours of night, while watching and on guard, and during the sleepless nights passed in the hospital, I found abundance of sinful thoughts and desires arise in my heart.
I next went to the opposite extreme, and imagined a state of unremitting activity was the best. I thought that were I discharged and at home, I should then enjoy the means of grace on the Sabbath; that my work would occupy my mind the greater part of my time through the week; and that I should then have it in my power so to regulate my conduct, as to take up my whole attention between lawful and serious things, and thus leave no vacant room in my mind for evil thoughts, or what might lead me to the commission of sin.
Under these exercises of mind I continued until the time when we left Marmorice Bay, which was on the23dFebruary, 1801, when the fleet weighed anchor, and were all safely collected upon the coast, outside of the bay, before sun-set, and then steered their course for Egypt. A Turkish Admiral, with two or three frigates, had joined the fleet. A number of Greek vessels also were with us, which had been hired to transport the horses that had been procured at Marmorice, for the use of the artillery, cavalry, and field officers. The wind was brisk, but the evening was fine, and as our fleet consisted of near two hundred sail, many of which were large and elegant ships, it had a grand and interesting appearance. This interest was heightened by the consideration of the sea, and the coast, that we were sailing on, for the celebrated island of Rhodes was on our right, and the coast of Asia Minor on our left. The various nations on board of this fleet, as seamen and soldiers, was novel and striking, for there were Turks, Greeks, and English, with Corsicans, and a brigade of soldiers in our service, composed of men from various parts of Germany, but the part that the soldier was destined to act in the enterprise before us, was to him the most interesting contemplation, for his personal safety was the most deeply involved in the undertaking. The wind continued to freshen, and "the fleet had not stood long on its course before one of the Greek vessels, laden with mules, foundered, and one man alone was saved." The Turkish frigates and Greek vessels left us, and took shelter in the nearest ports. The weather was not what we considered bad, but they were not good navigators: their departure, however, was a serious loss to the army, for the want of the horses on board of them. The weather became moderate, and on the28thwe fell in with our squadron that was blockading Alexandria, and on the 1st March discovered land somewhat to the westward of that place. The wind had been light through the day, but freshened during the night, and there were heavy showers of rain. This made the soldiers remark, that if there was no rain in Egypt, there was rain very near it; some who were of a deistical turn began to insinuate that the Bible had not given a correct account of Egypt; and the apparent contradiction made some of us rather at a loss to reconcile it. During the course of conversation on this subject, I heard one observe, that the Bible did not say directly that there never was any rain in Egypt, but that when it spoke of there being no rain there, it referred to the agriculture of Egypt, not depending, like that of other countries, upon rain, but upon the annual inundations of the Nile.[6]This is the fact; but it is also true, that although during the winter season there are thunder storms and rain on the sea-coast, yet these seldom go far into the country, and at Grand Cairo rain is a great rarity. After the regiment had been at that city and returned, and after we left Egypt, having staid in it six months, I never heard any one urge the objection any more. All agreed that the scripture account of Egypt was as true as general expressions could describe it; so that this, like many other infidel objections, was founded on an apparent, not a real contradiction. The universal remark upon the country was, that they believed a remnant of the plagues of Moses still existed in it.
5.There were few of the regiment that escaped it; all relapsed after the first recovery, and those who were longest of catching the infection were worst.
5.There were few of the regiment that escaped it; all relapsed after the first recovery, and those who were longest of catching the infection were worst.
6.Zech.xiv.18.Deut.xi.10, and connexion.
6.Zech.xiv.18.Deut.xi.10, and connexion.