POSTSCRIPT.
Having now finished my narrative, may I take the liberty of adding a few reflections, with a view to direct the minds of those who may read it, to the lessons I should wish them to learn from it.
There are two things which are conspicuous in it; the first is, a sinner'sweakness; the second is, a sinner'sblindness.—It shows how long and how often I attempted to cleanse my own heart. I made the effort under all the variety of circumstances I have mentioned, but all in vain. I acted under all the motives I could collect from a sense of the glory, goodness, justice, and general mercy of God, as displayed in the works of creation and providence; and also from what I had learned from the Bible of the requirements of the moral law, which was often like a fire in my conscience; and from a fear of hell and eternal judgment, and a desire of heaven and eternal life; and from a sense of mercy to myself in being so often protected when in imminent danger, delivered out of trouble, and brought back from the very jaws of death in answer to my prayers for mercy:—yet all these put together were insufficient to keep me from breaking the commandments of God, and being guilty of what I condemned in my own conscience.—And thus it will be with every sinner, that sets himself to perform the same task. I do not refer to my experience, as an exclusive proof of this; but I refer to it as an instance of the truth of God's word, which declares that sinners are "without strength."Rom.v.6. Let any sinner undertake the same task, and I can assure him from the word of God, that he will come no better speed. He may attempt it again and again; but every new attempt will only show his weakness and blindness; and, as he proceeds, he will find that he was not aware of the ten thousandth part of the extent and difficulty of the task. If he persevere in it, he will find it necessary, after endeavouring to reform his outward conduct, to lookwithin, and there he will discover work he was not at first aware of. He will find it absolutely indispensable to watch over hisheartif he means to reform external conduct: for it is the heart that first yields to temptation. And, let his resolutions be ever so strong, and his intentions ever so sincere, he will find that the slightest temptations are sufficient to overcome him. Nor will he be in danger from outward temptations only; for although he were in the retirement of a hermit, and totally secluded from the world, he would find temptations to sin rising spontaneously out ofthat very heartwhich had formed the resolution not to commit it; he would find himself led like a captive to the commission of it, and that in the face of the clear light of duty, and in spite of the strongest remonstrances of conscience; thus giving him the most convincing evidence, if he had eyes to see it, that "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked;" (Jer.xvii.9.) that "he that committeth sin is the servant (or slave) of sin;" (Johnviii.34,) and that "he that trusteth in his own heart is a fool." (Prov.xxviii.26.) So long, however, as a sinner has any confidence in his own strength, he will not renounce it, in order to depend upon strength to be imparted from another. So long as he fancies any merit in his own works, he will trust to them to procure his Maker's favour. But in this he only shows his blindness. O that I could convince any into whose hands this narrative may fall, to renounce, as entirely hopeless, all such efforts; and also as entirely worthless, all such attempted reformations; and to flee to the all-mighty and all-meritorious Redeemer! You need his perfect righteousness to justify you, and his blood to atone for your sins; you need the gracious influences of his Spirit to purify your hearts, and to give you strength to walk in the ways of God; for the motive to obedience that alone can enable you to walk with steadfastness and consistency, arises out of the belief of the love of Christ, in giving himself a ransom for the guilty. The belief of this will inspire you with love to him in return; and this, and this alone, will set your souls at liberty from the slavery of sin. It is to those who believe the love that he manifested in freely giving himself a sacrifice for them, that he imparts strength to resist temptation; and he warns all his disciples, that "without him they can do nothing." He has promised his grace as sufficient for them that trust in him in the most trying situations, and to perfect his strength in their weakness:—nor is this an empty promise; for he, to whom it was more immediately addressed, declared, that "he could do all things through Christ who strengthened him;" and the way in which he obtained the power was, by being conscious of his own weakness, and trusting entirely to the promised strength of the Saviour; "for," says he, "when I am weak then am I strong." 2Cor.xii.7-10, withPhil.iv.13—Go you and do as he did; and you will find that Christ will be the same to you that he was to him, for the Saviour is unchangeable; "the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever."Heb.xiii.8.
I have been minute in detailing the exercises of my mind, much more so than some may think there is need for. I have been induced to this in order to show how long and how strenuously a sinner may go on in that course, although his efforts are constantly failing; and fail they must, so long as his hopes terminate on himself, and so long as he refuses to put his entire confidence in the Saviour. He may give over the task in despair, and sink into carelessness and indifference; but if, whilst he finds his hopes of himself fruitless, he is still convinced of the importance and necessity of the salvation of his soul, and feels that he is one ready to perish; then the news of a Saviour will be glad tidings to him indeed; and with the death of his legal hopes a life of evangelical obedience will commence. I have been induced to be minute, from a desire to show to others the folly of continuing to labour in the fire, as I did, for very vanity; and that they may see the necessity of fleeing directly to the Saviour. If you are saved at all youmustdo this at the last; and why not to-day as well as to-morrow, or any future period? Jesus says, "To-day if ye will hear my voice, harden not your hearts:" he says, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." And why will ye not hear his voice, and accept of his invitation to-day? If you reject him to-day, you may not live till to-morrow. All the offers of the gospel arepresentoffers; there is no promise respecting to-morrow. Jesus is as able to-day as to-morrow. He offers himself to-day. His salvation is a present salvation. "Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation."
If any read this narrative who are putting off the concerns of their immortal souls to a death-bed, and are deluding themselves with the notion, that the distress of a sick-bed and the fear of death will break the power of sin in their hearts, and that they will then repent and believe; while you think this, you show that you do not know what repentance and faith are; for, did you know what they are, you would already have repented and believed. You can not know them until you are in actual possession of them. Your conduct is, therefore, ignorant and presumptuous. Faith and repentance are present duties; and if you will not repent of your sinsnow, and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ for salvation, what security have you that you will do so hereafter? you may be brought to a sick-bed; and there the approach of death, and the fear of hell, and remorse of conscience, arising out of convictions of sin, may greatly alarm you; but this will not change your heart, nor save your soul. Such a state of mind is neither repentance nor conversion. How often was I in danger, and imagined I repented; and, when I was at the point of death, I thought I had repented in truth. But my conduct after I had recovered showed that I had deceived myself; and had I died in the state I then was in, I must have perished. When you are laid on a sick-bed, you may find that you have no hope of heaven if you die at present; you may wish to recover, that you may change your conduct; you may cry to God to spare you; but he may not hear you; and when you see that death is actually approaching, you may be driven to despair, and die without hope: or, in order to calm a troubled conscience, you may persuade yourselves, that you have repented, and that, as you are not allowed to live, God will accept of the sincerity of your repentance; and you may thus "go down to the grave with a lie in your right hand." But if you despise the offer of a Saviour now, and put off these things to a death-bed, which many never see, but are called suddenly out of the world, the probability is, that when you are actually laid upon it, however old you may be, and however evident the approach of your latter end may be to all who see you, you will not think you are going to dieyet, but will still indulge the hope of longer life;—until death lays his cold hand on your heart, and closes your eyes for ever on a present world.
Should this narrative fall into the hands of any who are in the army, I would earnestly entreat them to lay the contents of it seriously to heart, and to beware of the delusive idea that it is not needful to be religious in the army. Although you are soldiers, you are still surely under the government of your Creator. Your being in the army will not excuse the sins you commit in it. There is no article of war that commands you to swear, or to get drunk, or to be guilty of uncleanness, or any other sin. There is no order that prohibits you from repenting of your sins, and believing on the Lord Jesus Christ for the salvation of your invaluable souls, and living a life of faith upon the Son of God; so that you are without excuse. Your being in the army does not give you a greater security of long life to be an excuse for delay. On the contrary,you, above all men, ought to secure the salvation of your immortal souls. And blessed be God, that salvation is offered as freely to you as to others. Jesus, the King of kings, offers you his free and unmerited favour, in the same way that he does to others; and makes you as welcome. Your souls are as precious to him, as those of any of the human race: so that you are without excuse. Beware of another delusion;—that the army is a place in which it is impossible to live a godly life. This is not true. However hard it is, yet itispossible, and has been done. If indeed you attempt to live a godly life in your own strength, as I did, you will fail; but remember, so would you in any situation in which you could be placed. But if you believe in the Lord Jesus, and take him for "righteousness andstrength," he will fulfil to you his promise, that "as your day is, so shall your strength be." Remember that the way that leadeth to eternal life is a narrow way to all; and that the same grace which enables others to travel that narrow way is sufficient to enable you to travel it also; and that the same power which brings others safely through, is able to carry you also in safety to the end of the journey. Remember that it is the power of God and not of man that enablesanyto persevere unto the end; and will you say that it is not in the power of the Almighty to enable a soldier to serve him in the army, and to lead a Christian life in it? The idea is blasphemous; it is a delusion of Satan; and it is an unjust charge upon the army, bad as it is, and one of the greatest obstacles, if not the very greatest, to its moral improvement; for it goes to prevent the very attempt at improvement, as utterly hopeless, and consequently to leave the individuals who compose it to be confirmed in all their evil habits. If any soldier read this, let me beseech him to lay seriously to heart the immense value of his soul, and to believe in the grace and power of a Redeemer, and, although there should not be one godly person in his regiment, let him not be afraid to believe in Jesus, and to regulate his conduct by his word. Do not be afraid of the mocking of your comrades: it is indeed not easy to bear; but if you really trust in Christ, he will enable you to live down their reproaches by a consistent and steady course of life.Theirreproaches are not to be put in comparison withhissmiles; and if the King of kings smiles upon you, what need you care who frowns? It will become you rather to pity, than to be offended at them. Seek, by constant prayer, for that prudence and wisdom which will enable you so to act as to put to silence their foolish scoffings; and, if you persevere, you will extort from them so much commendation as will repay you for all the reproaches you have borne, or may still be subject to. But let your faith be constant and your practice persevering. Do not take up religion by fits and starts. Those who do so show that they have not yet understood what it is. Unless your repentance be that of the Bible, and your faith in Jesus genuine, arising from a scriptural understanding of your own character as a guilty and helpless sinner in the sight of God, and a scriptural discernment of the rich grace and almighty power of Christ, you will not be able to stand: for the army is not a place for hypocrites, formalists, and self-righteous professors, to prosper in. The professions of such will generally vanish like smoke. The genuine believer in Jesus alone is able to abide the trial; and he stands, because he is upheld by the power of God through faith unto salvation. Therefore, let no soldier neglect his salvation, through fear that the temptations of the army will be too much for him. Great as they are, if he trusts in Christ, he shall be made "more than a conqueror through him that loved him;" and the more he can get his comrades to attend to the same things, the temptations will diminish. And the more the religion of Jesus prevails in the army, and the greater the number of genuine disciples are in it, the greater improvement will be made in its character, efficiency, and comfort.
I rejoice that the army is beginning to be more attended to of late, in a religious point of view. I rejoice to see Bible Societies in operation for the benefit of the army and navy; and wish them an increasing measure of success. The attention of the religious world has not yet been sufficiently drawn to the importance of the object. I hope that the stimulus that has been put in motion will continue to increase, and that a succession of prudent measures will be adopted for the promotion of the fear of God in the army and navy. The same means that are effectual for the attainment of this great object amongst the other classes of mankind will be effectual here. And what a blessing would it be to the army and navy, were the fear of God their prevailing character! How would it promote subordination, peace, sobriety, and chastity, and, in so doing, prevent the frequency and necessity of punishments and rigorous regulations, and the prevalence of those diseases which break the constitutions of such numbers, renders them non-effectives, and sends so many of them to an early grave!—And how much benefit would instantly accrue to society, in the reduction of the contamination of profanity, intemperance, and lewdness! How many female characters would be preserved, and the consequent grief of parents prevented! How much of the evil of prostitution would it reduce, which is so dangerous to youth in sea-port towns, and large cities! If my feeble voice could be heard, I would add it to that of those who have already appeared as advocates of this cause, in supplicating British Christians to prosecute this object with prudent but vigorous perseverance. I rejoice to see a floating chapel provided upon the Thames for the instruction of seamen. This, I hope, will be followed by similar measures wherever they are necessary. The wisdom that devised this, is competent to devise all that is wanting for the prosecution of this great cause, throughout the army and navy. And the same motives are sufficient to carry those embarked in it forward with zeal until the fear of God finally triumph. And its triumph in the army and navy will remove one of the obstacles to its prevalence in the world. And who knows but that genuine piety may not only prevail but even shine most conspicuously in the army and navy, and that thelastmay becomefirst.
G. B.
THE END.
Transcriber's Notes:Archaic and colloquial spelling and punctuation was retained.Missing or obscured punctuation was corrected.Footnotes have been collected at the end of the text, and are linked for ease of reference.
Transcriber's Notes:
Archaic and colloquial spelling and punctuation was retained.
Missing or obscured punctuation was corrected.
Footnotes have been collected at the end of the text, and are linked for ease of reference.