CHAPTER XVII.

My earnest consideration for the next few days was devoted to the question of ways and means. Knowing it to be the custom of the country to entertain strangers hospitably, I had hitherto accepted the attentions offered me in the frank, cordial spirit in which they were given. But this could not continue beyond a reasonable term, and now that my stay in the country seemed likely to be permanent, my self-respect demanded that I should at once take steps to prove my capability of assuming an active part in the battle of life.

As before hinted, I was not likely to encounter many difficulties in the way of earning a livelihood, for my own experiences were a subject of such interest to New Amazonians, that sketches of them would easily find a market in the native journals. In fact, even while debating the point with myself, Principal Grey came to me as the bearer of a message from the Mother.

She was deputed to ask me if I purposed making Andersonia my permanent abiding place, and I was also requested to state my views for the future in any case.She was somewhat surprised to find me full of grief at the conviction that I had indeed parted for ever from all and everything which I had ever loved, and she did her utmost to console me, some of her utterances dwelling in my memory yet.

“It has certainly struck us as a great wonder,” she said, “that you should have appeared so strangely in our midst. Some of our savants have had discussions on the subject, but can come to no rational solution of the questions mooted. To believe that you were magically transported hither, is revolting to our twenty-fifth century common sense, especially as we can locate no country which is in the condition described by you as that of your native land. To believe that you have been in a state of torpidity for six hundred years seems more likely. But if we accept this hypothesis, we are confronted with the problem of accounting for your whereabouts prior to your resuscitation. There has been found not a single trace of your resting place. Had you been borne hither on the wings of the wind, your advent could not have been more mysterious, nor more bereft of all clue as to your former place of abode. Your own utterances, and those of your odd compatriot, only seem to leave one opinion open to us, and that is, that you have been in a state of trance. The descriptions you have given of your own country and its state of civilisation, as known to you, tally exactly with what is known of Teuto-Scotland as it existed in the nineteenth century. The fact that you call it England puts us, of course, on the right track at once. But whatever may account for your arrival here, it is an undoubted fact that you are of as real flesh and blood as we are, and that you are now leading as commonplace a life as any of us. This being so, it is expedient that some plans should be laid for your future, and I, as the Mother’s representative, am deputed to elicityour views and intentions on the subject. That you should only just have realised the impossibility of finding England or its inhabitants as you left them possibly makes my errand appear somewhat in-apropos and precipitate to you. I have, however, my instructions to carry out, and you must forgive me, if it should strike you as rather unfeeling to enquire what you intend to do for a livelihood?”

“I could not possibly take offence where all have shown me so much kindness and consideration,” was my reply. “I was, in fact, just deliberating the same subject when you came. I have been encouraged to think that I may hope to get on in the vocation to which I have already devoted some years of apprenticeship—that of an author.”

“Yes, that is the opinion we have also formed, and it is in connection therewith that I have a proposal to make to you. Will you write a book descriptive of your former life, associates, and customs? The Literary Bureau will publish it for you, and as there is sure to be a huge demand for it, your profits will be large enough to justify the State in at once presenting you with advance Letters of Credit. These Letters of Credit, as you know, represent money with us, and if you undertake to write this work, considering it a State commission, you will at once find yourself in a position of independence.”

What other answer than “Yes” could I give to such a wonderful proposal as this? A certain very nice, but rather gushing, young lady whom I know would have at once exclaimed, “Oh! it’stoolovely.” I did not do that, but I managed to express my thanks and my acquiescence with such a mixture of enthusiasm and dignity as did justice alike to my desire to show my gratitude and to my sense of my own importance.

Let not the reader imagine that I had no legitimate room for the latter feeling, for I was undoubtedly a veryprominent and important personage in New Amazonia. Circumstances over which I had had no control had placed me in a position of publicity which was none the less real because it was none of my seeking. The probabilities were in favour of my popularity dying out as soon as I became less of a novelty. Meanwhile it was advisable that I should take the goods with which the gods had provided me, and make the most of the opportunities thrown in my way.

It did not take long to arrange my subsequent programme. I was to commence writing on the following day, and to submit my work weekly to the Bureau, which would make such arrangements as its heads might think fit for bringing my work under the notice of the public.

Still, in spite of the interesting nature of our conversation, I could not repress my melancholy, and was so depressed that my companion offered the consolatory remark, “That though I was parted from my beloved ones so long as I remained in my own probationary state, they were not deprived of the power of knowing my whereabouts, and were probably rejoicing at the fact that I had been placed in a sphere of action which could not fail to assist my attempts to perfect myself for the higher life.”

I was conscious of finding a little consolation in the Principal’s arguments, and remarked that it would have been some additional comfort to me if I could have known where my dear ones were buried, so that, though deprived of their society, I might at least do honour to them by visiting and adorning their last resting place.

The Principal did not exactly grasp my meaning at first. When she did, she was horrified.

“Is it possible,” she cried in amaze, “that you can contemplate with equanimity the prospect of being laid in the ground to rot in repulsive putrefaction? to be the preyof vermin; to pollute the earth, air, and water around you; and to be the source of death and disease to those whom you have left behind? It is too horrible to think of!”

“Why, what would you have us do?” I enquired blankly. “You wouldn’t have us kept above ground, would you?”

“I would have you decently cremated, as we all are when we die. How can you expect to be healthy in mind and body, surrounded by the miasmatic emanations of putrifying corpses? It was demonstrated to New Amazonian satisfaction centuries ago that it would be impossible to rid the land of fever and pestilential diseases until this principal source of water pollution was removed. We still have pictures of ancient graveyards, and I can very well imagine what they were like. The hoary, venerable looking church; the funny upright slabs of stone or marble marking the place where several bodies were undergoing the putrefactive process; the pretty flowers and the picturesque trees; the little brooklet, which winds its rippling way through or past the churchyard; its water, looking pure and limpid because it has percolated its way through the dead and decaying remains of your ancestors, and bearing no easily discernible evidence of the deadly impurities of which it is the conveying medium; I see them all, and can even follow the little brooklet as it feeds the waters of a larger stream, and finally becomes a component part of some great river, from which the water supply of one of your immense manufacturing towns is obtained. Very interesting as a picture, no doubt, but when you quietly contemplate the calm endurance of such a horrible state of things—Faugh!”

Certainly, as presented by the Principal, the picture was not a nice one. But one does not relinquish all one’s most sentimental customs without a struggle, and a warm discussion ensued between us, from which, however, I emergedthe loser, as I might have expected. When I came to think of it, it was not pleasant to reflect that every drink of water I had ever had had possibly meandered its way through the dissolving tissues of some recently departed victim of cholera or fever. Even the idea of past near relationship to the too generously diffusive corpse was not consolatory, for it had a sort of cannibalistic aspect about it which did not argue true affection for the departed.

I remembered that in my country one of the chief objections to cremation, apart from the purely sentimental reasons promulgated, was that in cases of foul play the process annihilated all chances of ever discovering the real cause of death, as no analysis of cremated remains can be made. On reflection, it struck me that it was less important that one malefactor should be brought to book, than that whole communities should be exposed to the risk of poison.

I reflected also that the system of “Life Insurance” was mainly responsible for the crimes of our modern poisoners. Given the abolition of a system whereby our relatives and guardians are interested in our speedy demise, and the substitution of the plan which prevailed in New Amazonia, whereby every child of the State had its old age provided for, and poisoning, by becoming so evidently useless, would at the same time become our rarest crime.

So I thought, while admitting to Principal Grey that burial was a dangerous and unsatisfactory mode of disposing of the dead.

By-and-bye we began to talk of other things, and in the course of conversation it occurred to me to make some enquiries relating to Mr. Augustus Fitz-Musicus and his future plans.

“I am afraid,” was the rejoinder, “that Mr. Fitz-Musicus can never be converted into a sober New Amazonian. He has revolted against wearing our National costume, andsays that rather than sacrifice his British individuality, and look like everybody else, he will brave the probability of becoming a laughing-stock, and that he will wear his old clothes to rags rather than have his individuality swallowed up in a general resemblance to every nincompoop in the country. I am afraid it would necessitate him to live as long again as he has done, to bring him into the exact likeness of a native of New Amazonia. But his vanity is inextinguishable, and nothing could bring him to the belief that his appearance does not eclipse that of our handsomest men. When last I heard of him, he was seeking some stuff with a large pattern. He says that if he can find a nice big check, he may perhaps consent to have a suit made in native style, but he is not at all sure yet.”

“But how does he intend earning his living?”

“He is not at all sure about that either. He says that he will think about it. But he protests meanwhile very bitterly against a destiny that has placed him among people who can be sordid and vulgar enough to ask him, the pampered scion of a great house, to degrade himself by attempting to earn his own living. He considers that the Mother ought to be proud of being honoured by his sojourn amongst us, and that she ought to be only too glad to extend her hospitality indefinitely to him.”

“And the Mother—what does she think of his peculiarities? Are they found annoying?”

“Well, to a certain extent, yes. We abhor ingratitude. But in this case, we are being forced into the belief that this Englishman is not exactly a responsible agent. I am afraid that he is not quite sane. But, of course, unless he becomes very much worse, it will not be found necessary to adopt stringent measures with him.”

“And if his peculiarities should become much more pronounced?”

“Ah, then—then, we shall be compelled to do something. He has already lost so much time during his prolonged state of unconsciousness, that it will be a charity to release his spirit, if it becomes evident that it is withheld from further progress towards Heavenly bliss by being confined in a body which is more likely to promote retrogression than progression.”

As I listened to this calm utterance my blood positively ran cold. Full well I knew what she meant. The peculiar tenets of New Amazonian religion had been carefully explained to me, and I knew that the life of Mr. Fitz-Musicus was destined to be a short one, unless he restored the native belief in his sanity. I was quite unable to talk much more after this, and my friend, observing that I seemed fatigued and had better rest, left me to my own resources. But I felt incapable of resting, for I was too excited. Clearly the life of the eccentric Augustus was in danger, and I was impatient to see him and warn him without delay.

I knew where he was located for the present, and I resolved to see him at the earliest opportunity. All night I was restless and perturbed, and though six o’clock was still early for the British masher, I dressed myself with my usual care and set off to visit him, knowing that we should have a better chance of talking undisturbed by taking a morning stroll together, than if I waited until we were both in the midst of society. Besides, I had to begin my book, and I intended working honestly to discharge my debt to New Amazonia.

As I had partly expected, Mr. Fitz-Musicus was not yet astir, and when he ultimately presented himself, he was in a state of supreme conjecture as to my reasons for having him roused so unseasonably.

“Upon my life,” he grumbled discontentedly, “one getsno peace in this miserable place. Only yesterday I was asked in cold blood to select some way of earning my own livelihood. Me! who never had even to dress myself without assistance until I came to this benighted land. And, now, you come and rouse me at this unconscionable time. I would like to catch a servant of ours seizing me by the shoulder and making me get up at this time in the morning, like that fellow did just now. I would not only have packed him about his business, but would have refused him a character into the bargain. But in this confounded country there is no freedom. One cannot do as one likes and an impudent boot cleaner actually presumes to dictate to a Fitz-Musicus! And then the women are such fools, too. They cannot appreciate a good chance when they get it. I have proposed to no less than six of them, and what do you think they all did? Nothing but laugh, upon my word! They didn’t believe that I really meant to throw myself away upon them, and when I tried to convince them that I was actually in earnest, they just grew more dense and unbelieving, and laughed all the more. An Englishwoman would have sense enough to jump at such an offer, and I don’t think I shall demean myself by proposing to another New Amazonian.”

“I don’t think I would,” I rejoined as gravely as I could. “They do not know how to appreciate you. Still, I think that you are not quite fair to the land of your adoption. Personally, I have found nothing to grumble at.”

“Oh! with you it is different. You see I have been used to every consideration all my life long, while you have never been anything but a mere nobody.”

“Precisely so. But you will forgive me, if I remark that your sense of personal importance is running away with your discretion, and is likely to lead you into trouble.”

“How do you make that out?”

“Very easily. It is what has brought me to see you now. Listen——.”

And then I did my best to explain the dangers of his position, and the folly of persisting in his present course of discontent and eccentricity.

“If you do not mind,” I concluded seriously, “you will be treated to a strong dose of Medicated Schlafstrank some of these days, and then where will you be?”

Poor Augustus! Oh! how frightened he was! We were in the public gardens, and he staggered to a seat before he could say a word. Then he gasped, “Oh, Lord! deliver me from this land of iniquity! Help me to get home to my poor old mother, and I’ll never swear at her again! She shall have the tickets for her gold watch and chain which I pawned, and if they’ll take me on in the shop again I’ll promise to work honestly, and pay for that suit of clothes I got on tick. And, oh, Lord, I’ll turn up every penny of the money I cleared in that thimble-rigging business on Leger day. And that money I owe to the hotel-keeper, who thought I was Lord Hastings. I’ll pay every farthing of it. Oh, Lord! let me get out of this very soon, or its two to one bar one that old Molly Jones will never see her son again!”

Here was a revelation! I could scarcely credit my ears. But the very evident terror of the man before me had brought out such truths as are only wrung from such lips as his by dire emergency, and I involuntarily recoiled from too near contact with an avowed blackguard, imposter, and cheat.

He noticed my gesture of repulsion, and cried imploringly, “Oh, for Heaven’s sake, don’t leave me! Help me to get out of this mess.”

“I do not see what further help I can afford you,” I responded coldly. “Your fate depends upon your own conduct.”

“Ah, but there’s no knowing what might happen, no matter what I say or do,” he protested. “I must clear out somehow. And listen. I really have a plan. The reason I made a row about getting my own clothes back was because there was a tiny paper packet in the left waistcoat pocket. I had it given me at that opium den I was in in Soho. The fellow that gave it me told me that it was a very wonderful sort of snuff, that would bring even funnier things to pass than Hasheesh could. I only remembered it the other day, and I thought it might perhaps help me to get home again. But it looks so queer that I am rather frightened of it. It might be poison, you know, and I thought I would see what you thought about it, before trusting myself to snuff any of it.”

As he spoke he handed me the little paper parcel he had mentioned, and I examined it somewhat curiously. It certainly was uninviting, having a black and slimy appearance not at all pleasant to the eye. Still, it might smell much nicer than it looked, and as I fancied that I caught a faint, subtle aroma, I held the stuff to my nose, drew in a most delightful perfume, and—awoke in my own study, surrounded by nineteenth century magazines and newspapers, and shivering all over; for I had let the fire go out during my long nap.

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T. A. POTTS,MANUFACTURER OF“The Newcastle Stocking,”Wholesale & Retail Draper,54, 56, & 60, CLAYTON STREET,NEWCASTLE-ON-TYNE.

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Since we introduced these goods to the Public many years ago, our success in this Department of Trade has been marvellous. To bring this large industry to such a point, we have from time to time addedevery known Improvement in Machinerythat would be advantageous to the manufacture of Knitted Articles, and have pleasure in enumerating a few of the many articles knitted by us:—

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Re-footing, Re-sleeving Vests, and all Repairs necessary to this Branch of the Trade done by experienced Workers.

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THE

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Knapsacks, School Satchels, Courier Bags, Carpet Bags, Brief and Cash Bags.

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STEAMERS TOLondon, Antwerp, Rotterdam, or HamburgTO OR FROM LONDON IN 24 HOURS.

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AND ALL OTHER SENSIBLE GENTLEMEN (AND LADIES, TOO, FOR THAT MATTER) WHEN IN NEWCASTLE SHOULD CALL AT ONE OF THEESTABLISHMENTSOFJ. ROBERTS, THE NOTED CASH CHEMIST, AND ASK FOR A CATALOGUE OF DRUGS, PATENT MEDICINES, AND OTHER HOUSEHOLD REQUIREMENTS, IN ORDER TO COMPARE THE PRICES CHARGED BYJ. ROBERTSWITH THOSE OF OTHER CHEMISTS,AND STORES.

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NOBILITY OF LIFE.“WHO BEST CAN SUFFER, BEST CAN DO.”—Milton.The Victorian Reign is unparalleled in the History of Great Empires for its Purity, Goodness, & Greatness!ABOVE ALL!!!A Fearless Devotion to Duty and Unflinching Truthfulness!THE QUEEN’S PRIZE!

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And we shall shock them; nought shall make us rue,

IF ENGLAND TO HERSELF DO REST BUT TRUE.”

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SUPERIOR TO ALL OTHER SALINES:—“Dear Sir,—Having taken your ‘FRUIT SALT’ many years, I think it right to tell you that I consider it a most invaluable medicine, and far Superior to all other saline mixtures. I am never without a bottle of it in the house. It possesses three most desirable qualities—pleasant to the taste, promptly efficacious, and leaves no unpleasant after-effects.”—A Devonshire Lady.—Jan. 25th, 1889.

THE GREAT DANGER OF SUGAR, PINK OR CHEMICALLY COLOURED SHERBET.—Experience shows that sugar, pink or chemically coloured sherbet, mild ales, port wine, dark sherries, sweet champagne, liqueurs, and brandy are all very apt to disagree; while light white wines and gin, or old whiskey, largely diluted with seltzer water, will be found the least objectionable. ENO’S “FRUIT SALT” is peculiarly adapted for any constitutional weakness of the liver. It possesses the power of reparation when digestion has been disturbed or lost, and places the invalid on the right track to health.

CAUTION.—Examine each Bottle, and see that the Capsule is marked “ENO’S FRUIT SALT.” Without it you have been imposed on by a worthless and occasionally poisonous imitation.Sold by all Chemists. Prepared only atENO’S “FRUIT SALT” WORKS, LONDON, S.E.,BYJ. C. Eno’s Patent.

CAUTION.—Examine each Bottle, and see that the Capsule is marked “ENO’S FRUIT SALT.” Without it you have been imposed on by a worthless and occasionally poisonous imitation.

Sold by all Chemists. Prepared only at

ENO’S “FRUIT SALT” WORKS, LONDON, S.E.,BYJ. C. Eno’s Patent.

HENRY A. MURTON,Athletic Outfitter.

HENRY A. MURTON,

Athletic Outfitter.

BRITISH SPORTS—CRICKET.FOOTBALL.LAWN TENNIS.CROQUET.QUOITS.LAWN BOWLS.FENCING.BOXING.DUMB-BELLS.INDIAN CLUBS.GYMNASIUMS.SHOES & BOOTS.FLANNELS—JACKETS, SHIRTS, TROUSERS.

BRITISH SPORTS—

CRICKET.FOOTBALL.LAWN TENNIS.

CRICKET.

FOOTBALL.

LAWN TENNIS.

CROQUET.QUOITS.LAWN BOWLS.

CROQUET.

QUOITS.

LAWN BOWLS.

FENCING.BOXING.DUMB-BELLS.

FENCING.

BOXING.

DUMB-BELLS.

INDIAN CLUBS.GYMNASIUMS.SHOES & BOOTS.

INDIAN CLUBS.

GYMNASIUMS.

SHOES & BOOTS.

FLANNELS—JACKETS, SHIRTS, TROUSERS.

FLANNELS—

JACKETS, SHIRTS, TROUSERS.

And every requisite for the Athlete and Gymnast.

CATALOGUES AND PRICES FREE.87, Grey Street, & 20, 22 & 24, Market Street;NEWCASTLE.BRANCH STORES: 109, HIGH STREET, SUNDERLAND.

CATALOGUES AND PRICES FREE.

87, Grey Street, & 20, 22 & 24, Market Street;

NEWCASTLE.

BRANCH STORES: 109, HIGH STREET, SUNDERLAND.

If you want your SHIP or ENGINES Repaired, or Docked and Painted, give

C. H. BAILEYA TRIAL,SOLE PROPRIETOR,Tyne Engine Works,NEWPORT, MON.If you want to speak to C. H. Bailey from Cardiff, go toTelephone (J. Murrell & Son),MOUNT STUART SQUARE,CARDIFF.Telegraph Address:“BAILEY, NEWPORT.”

C. H. BAILEYA TRIAL,

SOLE PROPRIETOR,

Tyne Engine Works,

NEWPORT, MON.

If you want to speak to C. H. Bailey from Cardiff, go to

Telephone (J. Murrell & Son),

MOUNT STUART SQUARE,

CARDIFF.

Telegraph Address:

“BAILEY, NEWPORT.”

TRANSCRIBER’S NOTESAddedCONTENTS.Moved the advertising pages at the beginning to between theendand the end advertising section.Changed “they hundreds” to “they give hundreds” on p.130.Silently corrected typographical errors.Retained anachronistic and non-standard spellings as printed.

TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES

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