"The two are Apollo and Dionysus.
"One rules the world of light, of political power, of scientific reason, and of harmonious muses. The other is the god of unreason, of passion, and wild enthusiasm, of that unwieldy Heart of ours which is fuller of monsters, and also of precious pearls, than is the wide ocean.
"Unless in a given commonwealth the legislator wisely provides for the cult of both gods, in an orderly and public fashion, Dionysus or Apollo will take fearful revenge for the neglect they suffer at the hands of short-sighted statesmen and impudent unbelievers.
"In the course of our Great War we have come into contact and conflict with many a non-Greek nation, or people whom we rightly term Barbarians. For while some of them sedulously, perhaps over-zealously, worship Dionysus, they all ignore or scorn Apollo. The consequence is that the great god blinds them to their own advantages, robs them of light and moderation, and they prosper enduringly neither as builders of States nor as private citizens in their towns.
"For Apollo, like all the gods, is a severe god, and his bow he uses as unerringly as his lyre.
"It is even so with Dionysus.
"The nation that affects to despise him, speedily falls a wretched victim to his awful revenge. Instead of worshipping him openly and in public fashion, such a nation falls into grotesque and absurd eccentricities, that readily degenerate into poisonous vices, infesting every organ of the body politic and depriving social intercourse of all its charms. The Spartans, although they allowed their women a temporary cult of the god Dionysus, yet did not pay sufficient attention to him, worshipping mainly Apollo. They had, in consequence, to do much that tends to de-humanisation, and, while many admired them, no one loved them.
"It was this, my late and hard-won insight into the nature of man, which I wanted to articulate in the strongest fashion imaginable in my drama called theBacchæ. I see with bitterness how little my commentators grasped the real mystery of my work. If Dionysus was to me only the symbol of wine and merrymaking, why should I have indulged in the gratuitous cruelty of punishing the neglect of Bacchus by the awful murder of a son-king at the hands of his own frenzied mother-queen? All my Hellenic sentiment of moderation shudders at such a ghastly exaggeration.
"Neither the myth nor my drama refers to wanton, barbarous bloodshed; and such scholars as assume archaic human sacrifices in honour of Dionysus, and 'survivals' thereof in Dionysiac rites, ought to be taken in hand by the god's own Mænads and suffer for their impudence.
"Human sacrifices indeed, but not such as are made by stabbing people with knives and bleeding them to physical death. Human sacrifices in the sense of a terrible loss of human capital, of a de-humanisation caused by the browbeating of the Heart—this and nothing else was the meaning of my drama.
"And what country is a fuller commentary on the truth of myBacchæthan England?
"Here is a country that, had Dionysus been properly worshipped by its people, might be the happiest, brightest of all nations, a model for all others, and living like the gods in perpetual bliss—that is, in perfect equilibrium of thought and action, reason and sentiment, beauty and moderation. They have done much and successfully for Pythian Apollo; they have established a solid fabric of Liberty and Imperial Power; various intellectual pursuits they have cultivated with glory; and in their pæans to Apollo they have shown exquisite beauties of expression and feeling.
"But Dionysus they persistently want to neglect, to discredit, to oust.
"Instead of bowing humbly and openly to the god of enthusiasm, of unreasoned lilt of sentiment and passion, and of the intense delight in all that lives and throbs and vibrates with pleasure and joy; they affect to suppress sentiments, to rein in all pleasures, and to cast a slur on joy.
"And then the god, seeing the scorn with which they treat him, avenges himself, and blinds and maddens them, as he did King Pentheus of Thebes, King Perseus of Argos, the daughters of Minyas of Orchomenos, Proitos of Tiryns, and so many others. The god Dionysus puts into their hearts absurd thoughts and fantastic prejudices, and some of them spend millions of money a year to stop the use of the Bacchic gifts in a country which has long been the least drinking country in the white world, and as a matter of fact drinks far too little good and noble wine.
"Others again are made by angry Dionysus to μαἱνεσθαι or rage by adding to the 250 unofficial yearly fogs of the country, fifty-two official ones, which they call Sundays.
"Again others, instigated by the enraged god Dionysus, drive people to furor by their intolerable declamations against alleged cruelties to animals, while they are themselves full of cruel boredom to human beings.
"There is, I note with satisfaction, one among them who seems to have an inkling of the anger of the god, and who has tried to restore, in a fashion, the cult of Dionysiac festivals.
"He calls his Orphic Association the Salvation Army.
"They imitate not quite unsuccessfully the doings of the legs and feet of the true worshippers of Dionysus; but the spirit of the true cult is very far off from them.
"And so Dionysus, ignored and looked down upon by the people of this country, avenges himself in a manner the upshot and sum of which is not inadequately represented in myBacchæ.
"And yet the example of the Hellas of Hellas, or of the town of Athens, which all of them study in their schools, might have taught them better things.
"When, by about the eighth or seventh centuryB.C.(as they say), the cult of Dionysus began to spread in Greece, the various States opposed it at first with all their power. All these States were Apollinic contrivances. They were ordered by reasoned constitutions, generally by one man. In them everything was deliberately arranged for light, order, good rhythm, clearness, and system. It was all in honourof Apollo, the city-builder. Naturally the leaders of those States hated Dionysus.
"However, they were soon convinced of the might of the new god, and, instead of scorning, defying or neglecting him, the wise men at the head of affairs resolved to adopt him officially. In this they followed (O Trichas, did they not?) the example of Delphi, which, although formerly purely Apollinic, now readily opened its holy halls to the new god Dionysus, so that ever after Delphi was as much Dionysiac as it was Apollinic.
"At Athens they honoured the new god so deeply and fully that, not content with the ordinary rural sports and processions given in his honour, the Athenians created the great Tragedy and Comedy as a fit cult of the mighty god. The Athenians were paid to go to those wondrous plays, where their Dionysiac soul could and did find ample food, and was thereby purged and purified, or, in other words, prevented from falling into the snares of silly faddists of religious or other impostures. But for those Dionysiac festivals in addition to the cult of Apollo, the Greeks would have become the Chinese of Europe.
"Why, then, do not the English do likewise? Why do they not build a mighty, State-kept theatre, or several of them? Why does their State try to pension decrepit persons, and not rather help to balance young minds? Why have they no publicagonesor competitions in singing, reciting, and dancing? They do officially, next to nothing for music; and if one of theirstrategior ministers was known to be a good pianist or violinist, as they call their instruments, they would scorn him as unworthyof his post. Yet few of suchstrategiare the equals of Epaminondas, who excelled both in dancing and playing our harp.
"But while they ignore music—that is, Dionysus' chief gift—they crouch before the unharmonious clamour of any wretched Orphic teetotaller, vegetarian, or Sabbatarian.
"This is how Dionysus avenges himself.
"I see how uneasy they are with regard to the great might of the Germans. Why, then, do they not learn to respect Dionysus, who was the chief help to the powerful consolidation of the German Empire? German music kept North and South Germans intimately together; it saved them from wasting untold sums of money, of time, of force, on arid fads; it paved the way to political intimacy.
"Had the English not neglected Dionysus, had they sung in his honour those soul-attaching songs which once learned in youth can never be forgotten, they might have retained the millions of Irishmen, who have left their shores, by the heart-melting charm of a common music. From the lack of such a delicate but enduring tie, the Irish had to be held by sterile political measures only.
"In music there is infinitely more than a mere tinkling of rhythm; there is Dionysus in it. Their teachers of politics sneer at Aristotle because he treats solemnly of music in his 'Politics.' But Aristotle told me himself that he sneers at them, seeing what absurd socialistic schemes they discuss because they do not want to steady the souls of their people by a proper cult of Dionysus.
"Socialism is doomed to the fate of Pentheus at the terrible hands of Dionysus. Socialism despisesDionysus; the god will speedily drive it to madness.
"See, friends, we must leave—yonder Apollo is rising; he wants to join Dionysus, who passed us a little while ago. Should both stay in this country, and should they both be properly worshipped, we might from time to time come back again. At present I propose to leave forthwith for the Castalian springs."
FOOTNOTES:[1]Reprinted, with permission, from theNineteenth Century and Afterfor July 1908.
[1]Reprinted, with permission, from theNineteenth Century and Afterfor July 1908.
[1]Reprinted, with permission, from theNineteenth Century and Afterfor July 1908.
THE SEVENTH NIGHT
SOCRATES, DIOGENES, AND PLATO ON RELIGION
During the seventh night the gods and heroes met again at Rome in the Coliseum. The splendid moon hung deep from the sky like a huge lantern, and shed her mild and plaintive rays over all the immense building. The immortals, in their light dresses and lighter movements, formed a gorgeous contrast to the sombre stones of the vast edifice. When all had taken their seats, Zeus rose in all his majesty and spake:
"Gods and heroes! We have derived much exquisite distraction from the stories of Alcibiades, Diogenes, Plato, Aristotle, Columbus and Cæsar about the various features of lay-life in England. If now I call upon you, Socrates, to tell us something about the religious life of the English, it is, I need hardly assure you, not in a spirit of mockery that I do so. What we here think about it all, we know, and need not utter it. When Athena in her indignation more than once asked me to hurl my lightning into her former abode at Athens, into the remains of the Parthenon, I told her something in secret—she knows what,—and did not touch the holy temple. Even so shall I deal with the temples of the little ones. We shall listen to you, Socrates, with sympathy and attention."
Up rose the sturdy figure of the sage. Hisfeatures had become even more illuminated with humanity, and thus more divine, and over his face erred a mild smile. He spoke as follows:
"O Zeus and the other gods and heroes! In my mortal time I frequently listened to the marvellous stories of Herodotus, and while I never permitted myself to question his honesty, as later on Plutarch did, yet I could not help doubting some of his tales about the religions of the various peoples he describes. Had I then known and learnt what I have learnt since in England, I should not have felt the slightest doubt regarding his statements.
"I had been in England for some time before I began to understand something of their curious religions. For, they have not one religion, but quite a number of such. At first I thought they had different religions according to the boundaries of their different counties. I fancied that such a neat geographical distribution might render the whole matter more methodic. But I found that that was not the case. In the same way I tried to find out whether their religions were not distributed according to their sixty different social classes. This too did not work. I then tried their professions; after that, their dress; after that, their income-tax; then, their private games.
"In that way I finally came to reach the true lines of cleavage between their numerous religions. For, to put it briefly, their religions are parallel to and dependent on each man's hobbies.
"If, for instance, an Englishman dislikes wine, and thus leans towards Puritanic ideas, he will be much inclined to adopt the religion of one Calvin, who taught to enjoy life by killing all its joys.
"Another Englishman, being very partial to tobacco and to smoking, will have a natural bent towards the High Church, in which much incense is burnt and much smoke produced.
"Another, being very methodical and punctilious, will regard Methodism with much sympathy.
"A fourth, being afflicted with great susceptibility to moral shocks, goes among the Quakers.
"In that way I began to feel my way through the maze of their religions. The strangest thing, however, was that all these multifarious believers staunchly maintained that they took their divergent creeds from one and the same book: from the Bible. In that respect they reminded me of my whilom adversaries at Athens, the Sophists, who could prove the pro and con of any given assertion with equal volubility.
"In order to imbue myself fully with the spirit of their beliefs, I frequently went to church on Sundays.
"To be quite frank, I do not very well see why in England they call that day a Sunday. There is no sun in it, and otherwise it resembles night more than anything else. It ought to be called Un-day. I concluded that everything arranged for that day was done in order to bring out its resemblance to night ever so strongly. Thus, lest people should forego sleep on that drowsy day, the people of England have introduced thousands of soporifics in the shape of sermons. What other use that drug may have I could never see.
"To me as an old Hellene it seemed a thing quite beyond comprehension, why people should go out of their way to salary a person for making them feelcreepy at the same place, and on the same day of the week, by repeating the same admonitions in nearly the same words hundreds of times a year. Evidently their lives on the other days of the week are so spiritless, dull and dry, that they want to get at least on Sundays some moral hair-friction with spiritualeau de Cologne. We Hellenes never thought of doing such things. It would have struck us as a personal insult to suppose that we needed such perpetual moralisation at stated times.
"Hippocrates told me that some constitutions do need the constant use of purgative waters. But do all people suffer from ethical constipation?
"I could not help smiling at the idea of my preaching like that to the Athenians of my time. They would have handed me the goblet with hemlock long before they did do it. Each householder would have considered my pretensions to moralise them as a slander on his private life. Each of them tried to make his own house a chapel full of constantly practised piety, dutifulness, and humanity. What need had he of my sermons? When he joined the great festivals of the city, it was to do his duty by the other Athenians, just as he joined the army on land, or the navy on sea, for the same purpose.
"We knew of no dogmas. We did not think that a man need stake all his soul on the belief in certain abstract dogmas. If he did not feel inclined to linger on one story told of Zeus, he might lovingly dwell on any other of the numberless stories told of him. If some said that Zeus was born in Crete, others maintained that he was born elsewhere. It seemed to us immaterial whether this fact or that was or was not historically exact.
"Not so the little ones. For them religion is viewed as a matter of documentary evidence, like a bill of sale. They constantly clamour for 'evidence,' 'proofs' and 'verifications.' Their theologians are solicitors and barristers, but not religious men. If I had asked Pericles for 'evidences' of the religious cult practised by his family orgens, the Alcmæonidæ, he would have indignantly told his slaves to put me out of the house, just as if I had asked him to give me 'evidences' of his wife's virtue.
"We held that Religion is not a matter of 'evidences,' any more than Life, Health, Sleep, or Dreams stand in need of being 'proved' by 'evidences.' We know that we live, or that we are in good health; we do not care to listen to long-winded arguments proving it.
"On my rambles in England I met many a clergyman. I remember one who occupied a high position at Canterbury, and was a very learned man. I was rather curious to learn what he thought of the religion of the Greeks. He treated me to the following remarks:
"'The Religion of the Greeks? Why, my dear sir, they had none. The Greeks were pagans, heathens. They believed in all sorts of immoral stories about immoral gods and goddesses; they were sunk in wholesale corruption and rottenness. Their vices smelt to heaven. Did ever any Greek say that he who smiteth you on your left cheek, ought to be offered your right cheek too?'
"'No,' I said, continued Socrates, 'we never said that, because we knew that nobody would ever do it. We did so many noble actions at home and in war that we never felt the urgency ofexaggerating actions in words, that we never did in fact.'
"'Is that it?' he answered. 'Do you mean to say that we only say such things, because we never practise them?'
"'Precisely,' said I. '"Incapable of the deed, you try to embrace its shadow, the word," as Democritus said.'
"'Even if we never practised them, is it not sublime to say them? Is it not increasing our moral worth when we profess to be gentle and generous and superhumanly good, not exactly on the day when we make such professions, but possibly on some subsequent day?'
"'I am afraid,' said I, 'this we used to call the talk of sycophants and hypocrites.'
"'But for my Religion, sir, I should reply in very offensive terms. We are no hypocrites. We believe what we say, and all that is required is to believe. We do not trouble about the application of our beliefs, any more than the mathematician troubles about the practical application of his theorems.'
"'This is my very objection to your belief. Religion is not a theorem but an action, an active sentiment. Our religion was like our language: all active verbs, all movement and energy, all expression and sentiment, but no theorems.'
"'But just look at the superstition and downright fiction in all your mythology! Who has ever seen Apollo, Dionysus, the Graces, Aphrodite, or any other of your numberless gods? They are all mere phantasies, meant to amuse, but not to elevate. They belong to the infancy of the religious sentiment, and are only a more artistic form of Fetishism.'
"'I quite believe you,' I said, 'that you never met the Graces, nor Aphrodite. Perhaps they avoided you as carefully as you did them.'
"'Sir, this is frivolous. In our Religion there is nothing frivolous. Allow me to be quite frank with you. It is stated that you confessed to having felt the touch of some Phryne's beautiful hand on your shoulder for several days. Sir, this characterises you, and all the heathen Greeks. My mind staggers at the idea that one of our bishops should ever confess to such a frivolous sentiment. We too have shoulders; and there are still alas! Phrynes amongst us. But none of our class would ever confess to having felt what you admitted to have felt. There you have precisely the difference between you and us.'
"'You are ashamed of your humanity, and we were not; this is the whole difference. We were so full of our humanity, that we humanised even our gods. You are so ashamed of your humanity, that you de-humanise and supra-humanise your god.'
"'Disgraceful, sir, most disgraceful. Our humanity isinGod!'
"'And only in Him; so that none is left in you.'
"At these words," continued Socrates, "the man left me.
"A few days later I was at a place which they call Oxford, and where dwell and teach many of their Sophists. A young man is there taught to assume that callous look which is very imposing to Hindoos and negroes. Nothing surprises him, as nothing stirs him, except the latest shape of a cuff or a collar. He becomes in due time a curious blend of a monk, a fop, and a pedant.
"I was led to one of the most renowned of their theologians, whose name in our language means a coachman. He received me with a curious smile. Before I could say anything he spoke as follows:
"'I understand, sir, that you pose as the late Socrates. Well, well—come, come! I must tell you in confidence that I, being a higher critic, am a perfect adept in the great science of the vanishing trick. Suppose you bring forward a famous personage of history, and want him to disappear. Nothing is easier to me. I ask the man first of all very simple questions, such as:
"'Who asked him to exist?
"'Why did he choose his mother in preference to many other able women?
"'What made him prefer his father to so many other capable men?
"'For what reason did he fix his particular place of birth, let alone the time of the year, month, week and day where and when he was born?
"'What motive had he in filling the air with his screamings soon after his birth?
"'Could he give any satisfactory explanation of his various illnesses as a child? That is, whether he had measles and whooping-cough out of malice prepense, out of cussedness, or out of any hopes of receiving more attention?
"'When the man cannot satisfactorily answer these clear and positive questions, I put him down first as a suspect. Then I proceed to further questions.
"'If he is said to have won a battle, I ask him why he fought it on land and not on sea? Orvice versâ.
"'Why he did not, while fighting the battle,accurately determine the degrees of longitude and latitude of the locality of the battle?
"'Or why his chief general's name began with an L and not with an S?
"'If he is said to have been an ancient legislator, I ask him why he took his laws from his neighbours?
"'What mode of registration and publication of the law he observed?
"'Whether the paper of his code was hand-made, or wood-pulp?
"'Whether the water-marks on it were original or were imitations?
"'Whether he used ink or paint?
"'Whether he wrote them standing or sitting?
"'Whether he used the same pen for writing his nouns and verbs? Or whether he had different pens for the different parts of speech?
"'Whether he really knew what a noun was? Whether he liked male terminations, or preferred to revel in female endings? Whether he was not prejudiced against pronouns, or felt an idiosyncracy against the letters b, k, and z?
"'If the man cannot satisfactorily answer all these pertinent questions, I declare him to be a fraud. I tell him straight into his face that he never existed, and then I revile him as a low character for pretending an existence that is totally unfounded. Now, as to your case. You say, you are Socrates. Can you answer any of the questions I enumerated? Let us take the first question: "Who asked you to exist?"'
"'Athens, I presume,' said Socrates.
"'Athens? To dispose of this answer, we mustfirst of all see whether Athens existed. I put it to you, sir, can you prove that Athens existed?'
"'I can; for, it still exists.'
"'Note the glaring fallacy! A thing that now exists, now, that is, on the brink of the present and the future, can that be said to haveeo ipsoexisted in the past? I put it to you most seriously, is the brink of the present, the past? Is the brink of the future, the past? Can, then, the brink of the presentandthe future be called the past? Athens may have existed. That is, a number of houses and streets, once called Athens, may have existed. But can you say, I put it to you most mostly, can you say that the houses of Athens asked you to exist? Or did the streets do so?'
"'By Athens we mean the Athenians.'
"'Oh, I see, the Athenians. Who were they? Two-thirds were foreign slaves; one-fifth weremetiks, that is, denizens of foreign extraction. Consequently, two-thirds and one-fifth being thirteen-fifteenths, the overwhelming majority of the town beinguitlanders, you cannot possibly be said to have been asked into existence by them. Remain two-fifteenths of Athenians proper. Of these the great majority were your enemies, who drove you into death. Can they, who furiously clamoured for your death, be said to have violently wished for your birth?
"'Remain, therefore, only a handful of Athenians whomayhave desired you to exist. How could they give due expression to their wish? In the Assembly matters were decided by a majority, which they did not control. In the law courts were hundreds, nay thousands of judges in each case, ofwhom, asper supra, the great majority were your enemies, who would have decided against your birth. In the Temples such decisions were never taken.
"'The intention of your prenatal friends could thus remain but a mere private wish of a few citizens, but could not possibly be an inherent tendency or desire of Athens.Quod erat demonstrandum.And since you have been unable to give a satisfactory answer to the first of the crucial questions, I put you down as a suspect.'
"I did not say anything," said Socrates. "I was amazed beyond expression that such nonsense could be allowed to pose as searching and 'scientific' analysis of facts. But he triumphantly continued:
"'You say nothing?Qui tacet consentire videtur,—silence means consent. I can see in your face how overawed you are by my sagacity, I have unmasked you. We unmask everything and anything. We unmask stones, pyramids, crocodiles, ichneumons, princes, kings, prophets, and heroes. We strike terror into the common people by our vast erudition and our penetrating sagacity.
"'We are the Sherlock Holmes of theology.
"'We run down any pretender, any scribe, any man who has the impudence of posing as a somebody. Given that we are not much; how can he be anything?
"'If you will stay here for some time, you will soon know a lot about what did not happen in ancient Israel.
"'Oxford is the Scotland Yard of all those humbugs that pass by the name of Abraham, Moses, King David, Samson, the Prophets, and other impostors. We have pin-pricked them out of existence!
"'At present we have proved that all the Religion of Israel was stolen from Babylon. In a few years we shall prove that the Babylonians stole it all from the Elamites, farther east. This, once well established, will give us a welcome means of proving that the Elamites stole it all from the Thibetans; who stole it from the Chinese; who stole it from the Japanese; who stole it from the Redskins in America; who stole it from the Yankees; who stole it from Oxford. And so we shall return to this great University and provide occupation and fame for the higher critics of the next three hundred years. Where are you now, O Pseudo-Socrates?'
"I was unable to say a word for some time. When I collected myself to a certain extent, I said:
"'O Sophist, if our Religion in ancient Greece had had no other advantage than that of saving us from the works of "higher critics," it has deserved well of us. We were immune from that disease, at any rate. Dion of Prusa and others wrote declamations against the historicity of the Trojan War; but nobody took them for more than what they were, for rhetorical exercises. No Hellene would have paid the slightest attention, nor accorded the slightest recognition to men like yourself. The English must be suffering from very ugly religious crochets and spiritual eczemas, to have recourse to drugs and pills offered by such medicine-men.'
"Other friends in England to whom I expressed my profound aversion to this puny scepticism in matters of Religion, advised me to attend the sermons given by a relatively young man with white hair in a temple in the city. They said that in him and his addresses there was religious sentiment. I accepted their advice and went repeatedly to hear what was calledThe New Religion.
"The young man talked well and impressively. He told them that two and two made four, and absolutely refused to make five.
"With much emphasis he declared that he could not believe in miracles, because of the miraculous way in which they happened. If, he said, a miracle should happen in an orderly fashion, performed under police revision, say, in Regent Street in front of Peter Robinson's, the arrangement and whole sequence of the procedure being duly anticipated and announced by theDaily Nailor theDaily X-Rays, then indeed he would say: 'O Lord, O Lord, I am convinced.'
"'But,' the white-haired young man said, 'how can you, the rest of the world, or anyone else suppose that I could believe a miracle, that pops in from mid-air, in the most disorderly and unreasonable fashion, without having given notice either to the police or to the editor of theDaily Nailor theDaily X-Rays?
"'Such a miracle is a mere vagrant, a loafer, adéclasséordéraciné, as we say in Burmese. It has neither documents to legitimate itself with, nor any decent social connections. It disturbs the professor of physics at that great seat of untaught knowledge, the London University; it annoys all chemists, andconfirms my colleagues in the other pulpits in their preposterous superstitions.
"'My brethren andsithren, I tell you there are no miracles; there never were any; there never can be any. Just let me tell you an interesting experience I had the other day with a man who travelled in the south of France, a country which, but for the fact that England is good enough to patronise her, would long since have disappeared from the surface of this or any other planet.
"'The gentleman in question spoke of Lourdes, and the miracles he had seen there. I listened for a while with patience; at last I could bear it no longer, and the following dialogue arose between us:
"He: '"Lourdes is the most convincing case of the miraculous power of the true Church."
"I: '"The true Church is in the city of London, sir, and there is no miracle going on there whatever."
"He: '"I completely differ, especially if, for argument's sake, I accept your statement that the temple in the city is the true Church. If that be so, then the miracles wrought there are even greater than those observable at Lourdes."
"I: '"I thank you for your rapid conversion. I am glad to see that you feel the power of my Church. This power comes from the great truths I teach. But as to miracles proper, I must, if reluctantly, decline the honour. I repeat it, there are no miracles in my Church, neither taught nor wrought."
"He: '"Come, come! Not only are there miracles in your Church, but they are also of the very same type that I noted at Lourdes."
"I: '"Sir, how can you insult me so gratuitously? Lourdes swarms with so-called miracles, which are nomiracles at all, but only the effects of auto-hypnotisation. A person who can believe in the healing power of St ——"
"He: '"Steady, steady, my dear sir. I do not allude to that healing power at all. Again, placing myself on your standpoint, I will, for argument's sake, admit that the waters at Lourdes have no miraculous healing power owing to the influence of this saint or that. You might permit me to remark, nevertheless, that it is just as much of a miracle as when the drugs prescribed by our doctors happen to cure us. For, what could be more miraculous than that? But this is only by the way. I allude to quite another miracle, and I can only express my amazement that you do not guess it more quickly."
"I: '"I am quite out of touch with miracles."
"He: '"Bravo! This is precisely what the great Lessing used to say: the greatest of all miracles is the one that people do not notice as such at all. Just consider: do you not draw vast masses of people to your sermons? Have you not persuaded most of them that you have founded a new Religion? What on earth could be more miraculous than that!
"'"In your sermons you dance on a thin rope of logic made out of the guts of a few anæmic cats dropped from the dissecting table of science. If therefore you had won a reputation as a rope-dancer, one could readily understand it. But you have won the reputation of a founder of a new religion, which is to a logical rope what catguts are to a great violinist. Is that not marvellous? Savonarola would have charged you, at best, with blacking his shoes, and yet people take you for a modernSavonarola. Is that not marvellous? Is it anything short of a miracle? Is not this the very miracle of Lourdes? Hundreds of thousands of intelligent Frenchmen believe in the healing power of water in consequence of its canonisation by a saint. Is this not a miracle in our time?"
"I: '"If I am to be infinitely less worthy a man than Savonarola because I believe in the infinity and truth of Science, I gladly forego the honour. The more light we pour into the human heart, the nobler it will be."
"He: '"So you believe that your hearers follow you on account of the light you give them? Pray, abandon any such idea forthwith. They cling to you because of your interesting personality, and because you give satisfaction to their vanity. In persuading them that the life-blood of the 'old' Religion is mere stale water, they congratulate themselves on their being intellectually superior to the orthodox believers.
"'"Is there no one who has the courage to say aloud that the canker of all Religions in England is their constant toadying to Reason and Science? The theory of Evolution, first rightly condemned by the clergy, is now an established costume without which no bishop would dare to officiate in sermons or books. Naturalists all over the world lustily attack and combat Evolution; but no English clergyman ventures to doubt it. He will and must toady to what he thinks is 'Science.'
"'"Formerly Science was theancilla, or maid of Theology; now Theology is the mere charwoman of any physiologist or biologist."
"I: '"And so it shall be. I see, my good man, Imust talk to you a little more plainly. We theologians want nothing but authority. We have long since learned that this world is governed by authority, and by nothing else; just as is the next world, if there be any. Now, in former times Science was not imposing enough. Being, as it was, in its infancy, it had little authority. So we trampled upon it, and side-tracked it with disdain. At present, on the other hand, Science has become quite an influential member of society. It goes on doing marvellous things and inventing incredible feats of physical, chemical, or biological triumph.
"'"What is more natural than that we now not only receive thehomo novus, the man of Science, but that we also try to avail ourselves of the authority his exploits give him?
"'"Take this nation. It is thoroughly materialist and on its knees before Science. For the last sixty years Science, and nothing but physical Science has been knocked into its head. This nation thinks that any study outside Science proper is pleasant humbugging. They are completely ignorant of human history. Give us Science! Give us facts, facts! Of course they say so, because facts save them the trouble of thinking, and do not allow one to pose as a thinker.
"'"Facts, scientific facts, that is all that they want. Human thought, they think, is a physical excretion from the brain, just as tears are from the lachrymal glands, or other liquids from the kidneys. Hence, they infer, all that is needed is to study, in a physiological laboratory, the brain.
"'"What's the use of literary history, for instance? If you want to know it, you have only to study thebrain which is the cause of at least some portions of literature.
"'"What is the use of military history? Study, in a physiological laboratory, the arm, not arms; since it is the arm that fights.
"'"What is the use of Sociology, say, the study of the Family? Study, in a physiological laboratory, the nerves of certain organs which constitute the true cause of families. And similarly with all other studies relating to the humanities. Science; it is all a matter of Science proper."
"'Under these conditions,' the white-haired one continued, 'what can we do but take the requisite authority there where we find it best developed, in Science? Anything that pleases thegrand seigneur, we hasten to acquiesce in while shoe-licking him. Science proper, that is, Physics, Chemistry, and Physiology disavow Imponderables, Tendencies, Present Projections of the Future, Incomprehensibles, etc., etc.; so do we.
"'Science cannot move from certain mathematical principles; speedily we too cry aloud that we cannot cease hugging these dear principles.
"'Science can never analyse or reconstrue the mystery of all mysteries: Personality; at once we novel theologians exclaim, beating our worn breasts, that Personality is no historic force at all.
"'Science cannot possibly so much as approach the problem of creativeness, creation, or origin of life; hence we gallop after it like newsboys, screaming at the top of our voices: "Latest news! No creation! No origins! Bill just passed! Enormous majority! One penny! Latest news!"
"'Cannot you see that? Can you not grasp thatas in Republican countries we are Republicans, and in Monarchical ones, Monarchists; even so in an age overawed by the surface-scratchers of physical Science, we too must feel the itch and scratch away with violence?
"'We cannot possibly afford to forego the authority at present in the gift of Science. How could I dare to treat Jesus as one of those mysterious persons that bring to a head both vast and secular tendencies of the Past, and Present Projections of an immense Future? He, I hear from a certain humanist, was the heir of all that marvellous Power of Personality, called Cephalism, which shaped all classical antiquity; and at the same time He was the Anticipative Projection of a vast Future.
"'Perhaps.
"'But could any process approved by Science proper be applied to such a mode of thinking? None. Consequently I am bound to belittle, to ignore it.
"'As long as Jesus is not amenable to that mode of biography or to that kind of reflections which we apply to the life of cockroaches or gnats, we cannot seriously speak of Him.
"'Or is not His preaching like the laying of eggs by a bird, out of which eggs new birds arise in due time?
"'Is not His Church like the nest of a spotted woodpecker made in the hollow of some ancient tree?
"'Are not His apostles like the watch-birds amongst wandering cranes?
"'If, then, we want to study Him scientifically, we must treat Him and His exactly as we treat a hoopoe or a jackdaw. Not that we really know anything about a hoopoe or a jackdaw. But in treating Him in thatfashion we can use all the sounding terms of Science, and thus, don't you see, secure all the authority of which Science to-day has so plentiful a share.
"'I have so far founded the New Religion. But I am not quite satisfied with it. I feel we need a Newest Religion. Ever since my birth the world has stepped into a new era. Something has been wrenched from its former place. I must at once see to it.
"'Meanwhile I am preparing a Life of Jesus on a truly scientific basis. The Lives hitherto published are completely out of date. They lack the true scientific spirit.
"'My "Life of Jesus" will have three sections. The first will contain the Antecedents. I will start with the soil, the air, and the waters of Palestine. I will investigate the influence which the geology of Palestine had on Jesus; especially, whether the stratification of that soil does not correspond to the stratification of the mind of Jesus. In that way I will obtain the precise nomenclature of the various layers of the intellect, human and Messianic, of Jesus.
"'Thus, I will determine his palæolithic, neolithic, pliocene, miocene and other tertiary mental formations. That will be inestimable.
"'I will then proceed to a close analysis of the air in Palestine, and try to determine how much argon it contains. This, together with the jargon talked round Bethlehem, and a close study of the remains of the King Sargon will give me a solid foundation for my researches into the feelings of Jesus. I will thus make sure whether these feelings were subconscious, auto-hypnotic, auto-Röntgenising, æroplanesque, or zeppelinury.
"'Should I find some radium in the stones nearBethlehem or Nazareth, I shall be enabled to account for the precociousness and light-emitting gift of Jesus.
"'Once I have thus settled the Antecedents, I will proceed to His life. In accordance with the method of zoologists and biologists, to whom one fox is as good as another, and one rabbit as serviceable as another, I will study the daily life of a modern rabbi in Sichem, or Jerusalem.
"'I will measure his nose, his lips, the width and height of his mouth when yawning and when asleep, his weight, his rapidity of walk, the loudness of his voice, his pulse, his heart, his meals, and his drinks. This will give me valuable data for the life of Jesus. I will reduce all these data to finely-drawn statistical tables.
"'As soon as I shall be in possession of these tables I will attack the most important part of my work: I will not tire until I discover the microbe which imparted to all that Jesus said an extraordinary power of captivation. That microbe, I have no doubt, can be distilled from a comparative solution of Zoroaster, Buddha, Confucius, Mahomet and Jesus. I name itmicrobus prophetizans Huxleyi. I shall, I trust, isolate it and send specimens to the South Kensington Museum, I will——'
"When the white-haired one," said Socrates, "had arrived at that stage of his wanderings, I left the hall. I felt sea-sick. These little ones think that they can triangulate the human personality, because theyhave triangulated many of their countries. They never consider that triangulation, and all scientific methods, refer, and can refer only to quantity or material quality. There is no geometry of love, hatred, or spiritual power. It is the old error of the Pythagoreans which you, O Pythagoras, admitted to me after having whiled in Olympus for a few hundred years.
"Numbers are not the souls of things.
"Personality is the soul of things.
"We humans are pre-eminently creative. Our chief force is not intellect nor will-power. We are neither Hegelians nor Schopenhauerians. In point of sagacity many an animal transcends us; and did you not avow to me, O Leibniz, that the difference between you and a yokel is not so much in your being more intellectual, or in your having more brain-power, but in your having more creative power?
"Intellect, or the force of close thinking, may be found in abundance in the city of London. Had people devoted as keen an interest to science or philosophy as city men do to money transactions, we should be much further than we are.
"But people differ very much less in power of intellect than in strength of originality.
"The great men of Literature or Science or Art are not very much cleverer in point of intellect than is the rest of the people. They exceed them in point of originality; that is, they exceed them because they devote themselves to digging in unbroken ground. It is in this way they create.
"It is in this sense that each human is, to a certain extent, new ground; and consequently, that the Great Humans are absolutely new phenomena. Inother words, they are new creations. They have an X in them that no x-rays can penetrate into.
"Science can comprehend averages only.Novashe cannot approach. This is why Great Humans have invariably been disavowed, rejected, and pooh-poohed by men of Science.
"Why has a lily of the valley bell-like blossoms? Science will never explain it. Those bells are part of the personality of the lily; and Science can understand it as little as a crofter could understand a refined Athenian.
"You may imagine, O gods and heroes, what I felt when I heard so many clergymen talk so 'scientifically' of The Greatest of Humans, who by His being so waseo ipsoSupra-human too.
"Science is unable to account for a lily of the valley; and yet shall Science be able to reconstruct Jesus?
"I should have shrunk from the task of reconstructing, in the manner of men of Science, my Phrygian slave.
"One can re-recreate, as it were, many of the phenomena of Personality, but not by the methods of Science. Personalities belong to the Humanities, whose methods are totally different from those of Science proper.
"It was said of me that in my mortal time I brought Philosophy from Heaven to Earth. I wish, O Zeus, you would allow me to mix again with the people in order to raise their Philosophy from Earth to Heaven."
When Socrates had finished, a deep silence fell over the Assembly. In the divine face of Zeus there was no movement to be noticed, and not an encouraging word fell from his lips. Suddenly one heard a loud laughter. Everybody turned towards the place where the laughter came from, and felt relieved to see that Diogenes was preparing to address the Assembly. Zeus nodded consent, and the whilom Cynic spake as follows:
"Few things have afforded me greater pleasure than your tale, O Socrates. Verily I believe that your renewed presence among the little ones is much less needed than is mine. I am the only man that could set right the wrenched religious fibres of these mannikins and womenfolk. But for my respect for you and the Assembly, I should have burst into an unseemly laughter while you were talking of their New Religion, which is but a resurrection-pie less the resurrection.
"To talk to them seriously about the incapacity of any physical Science or its methods to cope with the problems of Religion is to waste precious time. Let them have their Evolution, Convolution, or Devolution, by all means. The more they welter in it, the more my pupils on earth have a welcome chance of success. The official clergy think wonders of their cleverness in trying to make Religion into a Centaur, half man, half horse, or half Science and half Belief. While they are at it, my pupils, infinitely cleverer than all the clergy, make glorious headway in all directions.
"Is it not side-splitting to note how these clergymen are unable to see that the more people learn of Science proper; the more they accustom theirminds to the dry biscuits of scientific methods; the more they will inwardly long for the drinks of Mysticism?
"The Roman clergy, trained by two thousand years, knows all that but too well.
"Your plain soul, your hard-working, scientifically untutored peasant or smallbourgeoisis quite satisfied with a little, hearty Belief, and is indifferent to Mysticism and religious Extravagancies. It is your high-strung, modern, scientifically trained mind that impatiently craves more than sober Science can give it.
"Just look at the Europoids in the western continent. In the United States everything is reasoned out, systematised, methodised to a nicety. Their whole life looks like their towns: regular squares; straight streets, named after the consecutive numbers; labelled, docketed, built and shaped according to definite rules. In an American town nothing surprises one, except that the people themselves do not have each his respective number painted on his back.
"As the streets, so are the Constitution, the Schools, the Territory,—everything is ruled like a sheet of music. In the 250,000 schools, in the 500,000 Universities, and the 600,000 libraries, all founded (or confounded?) by a few multis, you hear nothing but Reason, Reason, Reason. You get Reason boiled, roasted, fried or stewed. You get it from injectors, from which it will jet out in smaller or larger jets, so that if it be too much for you, one can, by pulling the piston backwards, again store it up in the injector.
"Instead of traditions, unarticulated tendencies,latentsous-entendus, and delicate imponderables, there are only machines, ledgers, and registers, articulated with a vengeance, cryingly explicit and loud and indelicate. Everything is bound in the leather of reasonableness, in the hide of method, and in the wooden boards of Logic. Instead of on the rich soup of sentiments, men and women in the States are fed on scientific tabloids containing sentiments reduced to their ultimate chemical essences. A woman laughs at romance; her relations to men are 'reasonable.' A child laughs at piety; his or her relations to parents are tanned by 'sense'! A servant sneers at loyalty; her relations to the masters are macerated in the vinegar of 'inalienable right of reason.'
"All this is excellent—for me. For, what happens?
"The Americans indulging in too many orgies of Reasonableness; the Americans having thrown over-board all motives of historic truth in order to live under the banner of reasoned truth only, have long since become sick of Reason. They resemble a crew on a big ship that has stored its pantries and larders with nothing else than meat-extracts and tabloids. That crew, after a month's journey or so, will unfailingly sink or else eat the most loathsome fish rather than continue feeding on its scientific food.
"After all, when all is said and done, the Americans too are humans. They too want more than tabloids and meat-extracts. Tons of tins will not replace one fresh cabbage. On this eternal truth my disciples go to work in the States.
"Fully aware, as they are, that the Americans must be and are deadly 'tired' of Reason, theyhasten to give the people of the States the most exciting devices of Unreason. One of them invents Mormonism; the other, Spiritualism; the third, Zionism; the fourth, Oneidaism, or general Promiscuity; the fifth, Christian Science; the sixth, Incarnationism; and so forth, and so on,ad infinitum.
"Can my triumph be greater? I will carefully avoid telling them that by worshipping Apollo extravagantly while neglecting the great god Dionysus, they have fallen wretched victims to the wrath of the latter. Just let them go on writing contemptuous reflections on Greek Mythology, and glory in the 'wonderful century' in which Dionysus is declared to be a mere myth. As long as they do that, I shall not lack plenty of successful disciples, and my name will wax greater and greater, until nobody shall be able to find, even did he use the latest Edison lamp, a single well-balanced human in all the States.
"Why, then, take so many English clergymen and their evolutions round Evolution so gravely, O Socrates? They do what the Americans do: they overdo Reason. Do let them do it, and do not disturb my circles, as Archimedes said. I promise you, when next they introduce the 'latest' evolution, I will invite you to the sight, and you will enjoy the fun as you have rarely enjoyed anything. I have instructed a new set of pupils of mine to startThenew Religion in England. The 'New Religion' of a year or so ago is out of fashion. What these decadent vibrants want is another Religion. I have just received a Marconigram from below, and am in a position to tell you all about the latest capers of my pupils. May I do so?"
Diana and Aphrodite and Pallas Athena at onceapplauded, and their silvery laughter was joined by the rest of the gods and heroes. Dionysus sent two beautiful nymphs to make the resting-place of Diogenes more comfortable, and to offer him a cup of the wine of Capri, shining like gold and full of mirth. Diogenes, deeply bowing to the Great God, and to Zeus, then proceeded:
"I learn thatTheReligion now to be started is based on what my dear disciples have agreed to callElysiograms; a word formedà la'telegram,' 'marconigram,' and meant to denote messages from Elysium.
"It is quite evident that a generation of impatient eels such as the present instalment of the little ones, cannot possibly wait until after death for news from the other world. The sub-lunar world they have ransacked and swallowed, hair and flesh, and all. Before, in the morning, they have quite recovered from their sleep; and before they have quite finished their nerve-destroying first cup of Ceylon cabbage, they have, in their 'papers,' learnt all that has been going on in every quarter of the globe terrestrial.
"That globe begins to bore them. They must have a daily (or hourly?) column or two about what is going on in Elysium, let alone in Hades. It is indispensable for their digestion.
"Just fancy how very much more easily one could swallow one's lunch with just a little dose of Hades in it! While one tries to make a tunnel through the stony meat from Patagonia called Scotch beef, one would read with grim satisfaction how one's late creditor is maltreated in the torture-chamber of Hades. Why, one would feel so buoyant that one would even be able to finish a meal at the Cecil.
"You said, O Socrates, that their clergy adopt Evolution because of the authority it gives them. Surely, they can tarry no longer in adopting the improved means of communication. If Marconi can wire wirelessly to New York, how can the clergy stay lagging behind? They must needs go one better, and wire wirelessly to Elysium. Nothing can be plainer.
"People want it.
"Soon Messrs Wright will ascend the Rainbow and sit astride on it. Even before that, Herr Zeppelin will land the first German street-band on Mars; and, probably, ere that is done, Madame Curie will by means of a rock of Radium as big as St Paul's illumine and read all the vast depths of the unexplored Heavens.
"How, under these circumstances, can the clergy remain behind? It is unthinkable. Accordingly, it is understood that theDaily Nailand theCronywill have every day a column calledElysiograms. It will consist of single words, numbers, signs, exclamations, and pauses,elysiogrammedfrom over there. Some paragraphs will consist of commas, colons, semi-colons, and dots only. They will be the most interesting. These messages will be carefully distinguished from massages. They will be quite different. They will give the most astounding news. My principal pupil, Professor Oliver Nodge, just marconied me the latestElysiogram, which he was fortunate enough to receive to-day:
"'Rather hot day to-night.—Feel depressed as if I had exchanged ideas with Mr H.C.—4, 0,—:!—Place here somewhat out of date.—Do send meTimesmore regularly.—Can now see that flannels do not conduce to health.—Never forget to wind up your watch!—Death is a mere incident in Life.—If you can avoid it, don't die!—It is a failure.—34, 56, 78, 90, 12....'"
"'Rather hot day to-night.—Feel depressed as if I had exchanged ideas with Mr H.C.—4, 0,—:!—Place here somewhat out of date.—Do send meTimesmore regularly.—Can now see that flannels do not conduce to health.—Never forget to wind up your watch!—Death is a mere incident in Life.—If you can avoid it, don't die!—It is a failure.—34, 56, 78, 90, 12....'"
When Diogenes had finished reading theElysiogramof his pupil, even Hephæstus (Vulcan), otherwise so grave, broke out in a tremendous laughter which made one of the tiers of the Coliseum shake like an elm-tree in a gale.
"I am delighted to see," continued Diogenes, "that my pupils contribute to your amusement. It is indeed beyond a doubt that without them this world would be considerably staler and duller than it is. You may imagine that my pupils will not rest contented with a daily column in a newspaper.
"They will found Elysiogram papers of their own; found Elysiogram Churches; build up Elysiogram congregations; deliver Elysiogram sermons; in short, they will establishThe New Religionof—Elysionism.
"In this marvellous Religion the believer is given all the shivers, cardiac vibrations, nervous shocks and prostrate contritions, pleasantly alternated with ecstatic exuberance, that he may wish for.
"In that respect it is far superior to any music hall.
"These funny clergymen rage against the music halls. But why have they abolished all public, gay, and variegated Church festivals, such as the Middle Ages had introduced in plenty? The public do want to have their shocks and shivers. If the Church does not provide some of them, music halls will.
"We Hellenes did everything to render Religion attractive and enjoyable. Our religious processions and public festivals were gorgeous with colours, fun, art, music, and touching piety.
"How could any Hellene have felt the need of a modern music hall, this the last degradation of the human intellect, worse than the Roman gladiatorial games, worse than the Spanish bull-fights, worse than the worst of French novels.
"If, therefore, the clergy will take our New Religion into the least consideration, they will forthwith see the immense advantages thereof. InElysionismthe most languorously delicate of the elegant ladies will at last find what she has all this time been hankering for.
"In the morning when she gets up between twelve and two o'clock, she will with religious shivers reach after the Elysiogram press. With burning eye she will run over the columns in search of the latestElysiogram. Just think of her excitement on finding, in one paragraph or another, some indiscretion of one of her departed friends, male or female, regarding her. Just imagine how she will devoutly run to the editor of the paper, or to theElysiop, that is, the chief bishop of the New Religion, offering him £100, £200, nay £500 for the 'tranquillity' of the poor soul in Elysium from whom came that disquieting par. TheElysiopwill promise to do his best and will—enter the £500pour les frais de l'église. What a delightfully exciting experience to have!
"Later on in the day, the same lady will enjoy the anxiety of a lady friend of hers who is waiting for anElysiogramfrom her husband who disappeareda few months before without sending his faithful wife the correct official statement of his departure. What exquisite moments of nervous expectation to pass!
"For a few further bank-notespour les frais de l'église, the liberatingElysiogramappears.
"Imagine the interest with which sermons delivered by the Elysiop, Elysiarch, or the Elyseacon, will be attended by thebeau monde. The preacher after the customary introduction will pull from his pocket the latestElysiograms, which are notoriously frequent on Saturdays. Artistically pausing before he begins reading them out, he will fill all these vibrants with the most dainty nervous wrenchings and twistings.
"Then slowly he will report to them the latest news from Elysium and Hades. With that justice so characteristic of the Powers of the Other World, the pleasant news, full of consolation and comfort, is addressed to such members as have proved zealous in deed and alms to the Church. On the other hand, members whose zeal left much to be desired, are treated to news that makes both kinds of their hair stand on end.
"Where is the music hall or even the theatre that will be in a position to vie with such a Church in intense attractiveness? Once the classes as well as the masses are drawn to it, some Oxford or Liverpool professor will speedily come forward with the new dogmatics ofElysionism; and in less than three years Prof. Harnack of Berlin will write its history of dogmatics, and publish maps about its geographical distribution.
"Amongst the innumerable blessings of thisReligion there is one the value of which cannot be exaggerated, let alone properly estimated. I mean, of course, its vast resources for healing all diseases. It is patent that once we stand in continuous and direct communication with Elysium, we can easily inquire from our departed ones what we ought to do in case of illness. Since a given individual in Elysium who died of, say, hay-fever has traversed all its stages, and is naturally more conversant with it than any terrestrial doctor can ever be, knowing thereof not only the stages passing on earth but also those going on beyond the Rainbow; he is in the best of positions to advise a patient what to do and what not to do. Especially, when one takes into consideration that according to the most authenticElysiograms, written by Prof. Nodge's own Elysio-typer, all departed people agree that hay-fever, appendicitis, pneumonia, etc., are only thenoms de plumeof Dr Smith, Dr Jones, Dr Jenkinson, and so on.
"We shall, accordingly, in any case of illness, simply communicate the symptoms to Elysium and ask for detailed instructions from such of the Elysians as have died of that disease. In that way we are sure to heal all diseases much more rapidly than even Christian Science or Mahometan Chemistry could do.
"We shall sell Elysio-pills, with which no Beecham's Pill will be able to compete; and using the indications we shall receive from over the Acheron, we shall havedépôtsof Elysian Waters triumphing over Hunyady János, Carlsbad Sprudel, Contrexéville, or Aix-les-Bains.
"In fact, since the Kaiser is well known to be in close relations to the Upper World, and an intimatefriend of Providence, we shall arrange through him an Elysian Bath, somewhere near Nauheim.
"Then our Religion will be complete.
"It will have its unique Press, its hierarchy, its liturgy, sermons, pills, waters, and watering-places, let alone its Pleasant Sunday Afternoons, moral gymnasiums, self-denial weeks, and special wireless costumes.
"The extant religions will all disappear; religious unity will reign over the whole world, and if you, O Zeus, will consent to it, I shall personally preside at my headquarters in Westbourne Park Chapel."
The speech of Diogenes was received with hearty applause, and even stern Demosthenes congratulated him on his idea of offering a really new shake-up to the tired nerves of the poor human tremolos of Mayfair and the East End.
Several of the gods volunteered to send messages for theElysian Times, and Cæsar proposed that he and Alexander the Great, Pericles, and other heroes send messages counterdicting the extant Greek and Roman histories of their exploits, in order to enjoy the huge fun arising from the confusion amongst scholars.
When the hilarity of the Assembly had reached its maximum, Zeus addressed them as follows:
"Before, O Friends, we part from here repairing to Olympus, and eventually to Japan and China, I propose that Plato give us his serious impression ofwhat turn the next religious phase of the little ones will take. I entitle him even to say, with due moderation, what turn it shall take."
Plato, rising from his seat near Socrates and Aristotle, first bowed to Zeus, and then to Apollo whom he requested to allow his priests to intone the sacred hymn of Delphi. That hymn, Plato said, had been handed down from hoary antiquity, and was the song best fitted to fill the hearts of men with the sentiment of religion; the Roman Church, he added, still retained it. Apollo nodded consent, and forthwith the archons of Delphi, aided by the great choir of the Parthenon, filled the still night with mighty harmonies. The simple tunes rose into the heights like columns upon which the singers finally laid down capitals, architraves and pediments of serene melodies, until all Rome and the surrounding plains and valleys seemed changed into one vast musical temple, while the echo of the Albanian Mountains handed the rhythms and cadences on to stern Soracte and the Apennines.
"I will not undertake," Plato said, "to determine what direction the new Religion of the little ones will take. That direction depends upon their whole life in peace and war, which is, and will remain, under your exclusive control, O Zeus. But if I am to outline what shape and function their Religion is likely to take in the near future, I feel more confident of acquitting myself creditably. This applies more particularly to the negative part of my task. I mean, it is quite possible to criticise the various schemes of new Religions proposed by a number of thinkers, and to say why these schemes will not succeed.
"The most numerous schemes of this description have been propounded by men of otherwise great abilities and accomplishments, such as Auguste Comte, and his followers in England and elsewhere. They have tried to establish rational Religions, or such in which Dionysus has no share. This is a vain attempt.
"Diogenes showed with great justice how all such attempts are doomed to failure.
"The more rational knowledge spreads both in bulk and in number of disciples, the more the little ones will need a Dionysiac religion.
"If the State or other ruling classes will not provide it properly, eccentrics and faddists will do so improperly.
"If the true enthusiasm for Art could really enter the hearts of the masses, then, and then alone, Religion need not be Dionysiac. However, this is impossible in nations consisting each of many millions of people.
"This is the greatness of your work, O Nietzsche. In yourZarathustrayou worship Apollo with piety, but you entreat Dionysus too to enter the temple. However, you restrict your cult to the few, and for this reason you cannot succeed to a greater extent than did Pythagoras, who likewise closed the gates of his sanctuary to the Many.
"The question in Europe is how to let the Many feel the Light of Apollo and the Might of Dionysus. Unless this is done, nothing is done. Can Protestantism do that? Calvin is fast aging, and his hair is quite white. Can Roman Catholicism do it?"