Cracked Nuts.
“Parlor Matches”—Courting in the front room.
All men are not homeless, but some are home less than others.
A young Oil City gent calls his girl revenge, because she is sweet.
When is a small baby like a big banker? When he is a wroth-child.
Before slates were used people multiplied on the face of the earth.
How may a man always become four-handed? By doubling his fists.
The economical baby puts its toes in its mouth to make both ends meet.
There’s nothing boisterous about the love for whiskey—it’s a still affection.
Why is a situation of great trust like a back tooth? Because it is hard to fill.
In art matters the education of the eye, of course, includes the proper treatment of the pupils.
Why are balloons in the air like vagabonds? Because they have no visible means of support.
Jones calls his dog Hickory, because he has a rough bark.
The only perpetual thing about perpetual motion is its failure.
Some shoemakers are notoriously long-lived—the lasters, for instance.
Billiards must be an easy game, for it’s mostly done on cushions.
Ricrac is a tidy affair.—Barber’s Gazette.
Domestic “sauce” is kept in family jars.
Bronze is a very fashionable hue nowadays, but brass has not entirely gone out.
TheBarber’s Gazette, of New York City, has failed. It was strapped. Next!
A man with a noisy dog calls him “Tree,” because all the bark is on the outside.
Society is a fraction whose numerator is clothes and whose denominator is cash.
To introduce our celebrated Perfume, we will send a case postpaid, for 12 cents. We will mail with it,absolutely free, a beautiful gold plated Garnet and Opal ring. Send 12 cents in stamps and we will surprise and delight you. Address: W. S. Everett & Co., Lynn, Mass.
Flats are growing popular in New York. New York “flats” are unpopular the country over.
We fear the Montreal courts will hold that the matter of compulsory vaccination is ultra virus.
It is generally when you are not looking out for a woman that you get on her trail.
The best telephone bell—The hello girl at the other end of the line.
The poetry of motion—A picnic girl with a bug down her back.
In some of our down town restaurants, macadamized pie crust seems to be very popular.
The letter D is truly an old salt—been following the C for years.
“How to get fat”—Go to the butcher shop and purchase it by the pound.
The expense of evening walks is diminished now that ice cream has been called in.
A classical farmer in Burlington Township names all his pigs after the Greek roots.
Approaching a Crisis—Walking toward a restless girl baby.
A Boston girl visiting in Danbury claims to wear limbbings during severe weather.
Blessed is the man who loveth his wife’s relations; and not only blessed, but also scarce.
Love laughs at locksmiths, but we defy anybody or anything to laugh at a plumber.
TheRochester Expresscomplains that the mornings get up too early.
The difference between a woman and an umbrella is, that you can shut up an umbrella.
Youth—“Pa, give me an example of a ‘floating debt.’” Pa—(sadly)—“My yacht.”
A cold wave—The preliminary flourish of the handkerchief.
A goose is an inoffensive fowl, and yet everybody gets down on her.
When a man bows assent to what you are saying he stoops to concur.
If you lack pluck, just eat buckwheat cakes. They’ll make you come to the scratch.
The church festival season is nearly over, and the solitary oyster will soon be out of his stew.
Talk is cheap, but the love prattle of a pretty girl is dear.
A flirt’s heart is like an omnibus—it always has room for one more.
He was “Claude” before he married her, and they say he was more clawed afterward.
He—“The music was so loud that I couldn’t hear myself talk.” She (bored)—“Oh, how nice!”
Slight of Hand—Refusing a marriage proposal.
It takes a Japanese girlthirteenhours to dress for a party.
Sweetening one’scoffee is the first stirring eventof the day.
Free! We will send you an elegant large magazine 6 months, free, if you send 10 cents to have your name and address inserted in our Directory, which goes to over 1000 publishers, importers, etc., who will send you samples of new goods, latest books, newspapers, catalogues, etc. You will get a big mail daily. All at a cost of 10 cents. W. S. Everett & Co., Publishers, Lynn, Mass.
A lightning express would be unsafe were it not for the conductor.
Whatever the season, a gymnast wears both spring and fall clothing.
It is beauty’s privilege to kill time, and time’s privilege to kill beauty.
“I am climbin’ the ’ill of experience,” as the boy said who was made sick by smoking.
Strange behavior—A vessel “hugging” the coast.
What is the great want of the age?—Want of funds.
When is the water most liable to escape?—When it is only half tide.
The violinist who “carried the house by storm” used a rain bow afterward.
Even a clothes line becomes unsteady when it has too many sheets in the wind.
“Mankind,” said the preacher, “includes woman; for man embraces woman.”
When is a ship like a dressmaker?—When she’s rounding the Cape or tacking about.
“The only way to look at a lady’s faults,” exclaimed a gallant, “is to shut your eyes.”
“Cutter & Fitts” are said to be the names of the fashionable dressmakers in New York.
Handsome is as handsome drives without upsetting the hansom.
Those who toil and spin—The bicycle riders.