XIX
A PLAY IN ONE ACT
Dramatis PersonæMiss CarstonAunt ElsieMr. MaitlandUncle MarcusMarcusDogsDinahPeggyMiss Carstonon the sofa, in the library at Bestways, suffering from sciatica.Mr. Maitlandin an armchair. He has come from Scotland anxious to discuss with her a matter of vital importance.Miss Carston.Diana? Oh, yes, she said to me yesterday—Oh, Mr. Maitland, open the door, please. It’s Marky!(Mr. Maitlandopens the door,Markywalks in very slowly.)Miss Carston.Well, Marky man, coming to his mother, is he? There’s a darling—did his ear hurt—not scratch-scratch—beauts-beauts; not scratch-scratch. When mother’s up, she brushes the darling!Marcus.(Scratch, scratch, thump, thump.)Mr. Maitland.Yes, what did Diana say?Miss Carston.Oh, Mr. Maitland, please open the door, there’s Peggy—she’s such a wild woman.(Uncle Marcusopens the door.Peggyrushes in like a whirlwind.)Miss Carston.Mind mother’s leg—oh, Peggy!(Peggyjumps up, kneadsElsie’sleg, walks up and down it.)Miss Carston.Sit still, darling—Marky, don’t scratch—Peggy,lie down—hurt mother’s leg-leg—naughts, naughts—oh, Peggy! (ToMr. Maitland.) She’s been like this ever since she was born. Oh, Mr. Maitland, would you open the door? I think Marky wants to go out. I am so sorry: if I were up this wouldn’t happen. (In a loud voice toMarcus:) “Marky, walkie, walkie!”(Mr. Maitlandopens the door.Peggybolts out,Marcuswalks out slowly, andDinahslithers in.)Miss Carston.Mother’s lamb—such a darling—beauts-beauts—good-good—gal-gal—get up gently—clev-clev—never steps on mother’s leg—lambkin—saint—look at mother—sweet-sweets—booful eyes! (ToMr. Maitland.) Isn’t she a darling?Mr. Maitland(ignoring the question). What did Diana say?Miss Carston.There’s Marky man; coming, darling. Let him in, please, Mr. Maitland—he’s not haps-haps without his mother. Coming, darling!(Mr. Maitlandopens the door.)Miss Carston.Leave it open, please, then they can come in as they like—it will be less trouble.(Mr. Maitlandleaves the door open, returns to the armchair, sits down.)Mr. Maitland.What did Diana say?(In rush all the dogs.)Miss Carston.Marky—Marky—Peggy—Peggy—Dinah—Dinah—! I mustn’t make them jealous—mother loves them all. Yes, darlings, mother does. Marky—don’t scratch—Marky! stop! Peggy—mother’s leg. Dinah, was little Dinah frights-frights? Go for walkie-walkie—Dogs!doyou hear me when I speak?(Exeunt dogs.)Mr. Maitland.What did Diana say?
Dramatis Personæ
Miss Carstonon the sofa, in the library at Bestways, suffering from sciatica.Mr. Maitlandin an armchair. He has come from Scotland anxious to discuss with her a matter of vital importance.
Miss Carston.Diana? Oh, yes, she said to me yesterday—Oh, Mr. Maitland, open the door, please. It’s Marky!
(Mr. Maitlandopens the door,Markywalks in very slowly.)
Miss Carston.Well, Marky man, coming to his mother, is he? There’s a darling—did his ear hurt—not scratch-scratch—beauts-beauts; not scratch-scratch. When mother’s up, she brushes the darling!
Marcus.(Scratch, scratch, thump, thump.)
Mr. Maitland.Yes, what did Diana say?
Miss Carston.Oh, Mr. Maitland, please open the door, there’s Peggy—she’s such a wild woman.
(Uncle Marcusopens the door.Peggyrushes in like a whirlwind.)
Miss Carston.Mind mother’s leg—oh, Peggy!
(Peggyjumps up, kneadsElsie’sleg, walks up and down it.)
Miss Carston.Sit still, darling—Marky, don’t scratch—Peggy,lie down—hurt mother’s leg-leg—naughts, naughts—oh, Peggy! (ToMr. Maitland.) She’s been like this ever since she was born. Oh, Mr. Maitland, would you open the door? I think Marky wants to go out. I am so sorry: if I were up this wouldn’t happen. (In a loud voice toMarcus:) “Marky, walkie, walkie!”
(Mr. Maitlandopens the door.Peggybolts out,Marcuswalks out slowly, andDinahslithers in.)
Miss Carston.Mother’s lamb—such a darling—beauts-beauts—good-good—gal-gal—get up gently—clev-clev—never steps on mother’s leg—lambkin—saint—look at mother—sweet-sweets—booful eyes! (ToMr. Maitland.) Isn’t she a darling?
Mr. Maitland(ignoring the question). What did Diana say?
Miss Carston.There’s Marky man; coming, darling. Let him in, please, Mr. Maitland—he’s not haps-haps without his mother. Coming, darling!
(Mr. Maitlandopens the door.)
Miss Carston.Leave it open, please, then they can come in as they like—it will be less trouble.
(Mr. Maitlandleaves the door open, returns to the armchair, sits down.)
Mr. Maitland.What did Diana say?
(In rush all the dogs.)
Miss Carston.Marky—Marky—Peggy—Peggy—Dinah—Dinah—! I mustn’t make them jealous—mother loves them all. Yes, darlings, mother does. Marky—don’t scratch—Marky! stop! Peggy—mother’s leg. Dinah, was little Dinah frights-frights? Go for walkie-walkie—Dogs!doyou hear me when I speak?
(Exeunt dogs.)
Mr. Maitland.What did Diana say?
At that moment Diana, Shan’t, and the doctor came into the room.
“You, Uncle Marcus!” exclaimed Diana with rapture.
“Oh, have you come to fetch me, darlin’ Uncle Marcus?” cried Shan’t, ecstatically, throwing herself into his arms.
“Do you want her?” asked Aunt Elsie, who had much to make up, if anything could ever make up. She gave one hand to the doctor, the other to Marcus, dismissing him. “Did you really come to fetch her? It was good of you. Nannie will get her things together as quickly as possible.”
Uncle Marcus said nothing—he was furious: he had not come to fetch Shan’t and Miss Carston knew it.
Later in the day Diana threw her arms round Aunt Elsie and told her how wonderful the dogs had been—“too—too wonderful!”
Aunt Elsie thought she deserved some praise, and Diana allowed she had been too clever for words.
“But think of the cost,” said Aunt Elsie, aching for sympathy.
Diana affected surprise. Did Aunt Elsie mean that she minded what Uncle Marcus thought of her? “It wasn’t as if you wanted to marry him, darling?” she said, seeking to comfort her.
Marry him? Elsie was horrified at the mere thought; but argued that, although you might notwant to marry a man, you might not necessarily want to appear an idiot in his eyes. Further, she vowed Diana must have marrying on the brain to have thought of such a thing; and Diana said, What if she had? Whereupon Elsie understood everything in a flash, as it were (so she said). Diana, steadying her, begged her not to understand too much—it was so dangerous—so bewildering—and so overwhelming—it should come gradually, not like an avalanche.
“But you must tell me, darling; think what I have done for you,” pleaded Aunt Elsie. She deserved some reward.
There was nothing to tell. Diana said she had muddled it all. Then there had been something! It could be put right—there was no muddle so bad that an aunt couldn’t straighten it out! All eagerness was Elsie.
“Isn’t there?” asked Diana. “Uncles and aunts are wonderful people.” And she would say nothing more.
“It was rather brilliant on my part, though, wasn’t it?” asked Aunt Elsie, still longing for praise—if she had seemed foolish she would at least have been foolish in a good cause.
“Don’t forget the dogs!” said Diana.