ARRANGEMENTS OF GUESTS AT THE TABLE.
When dinner is announced, the host offers his right arm to the lady he is to escort to the table. The others follow, arm in arm, the hostess being the last to leave the drawing-room. Age should take the precedence in proceeding from the drawing-room to the dining-room, the younger falling back until the elder have advanced. The host escorts the eldest lady or the greatest stranger, or if there be a bride present, precedence is given to her, unless the dinner is given for another person, in which case he escorts the latter. The hostess is escorted either by the greatest stranger, or some gentleman whom she wishes to place in the seat of honor, which is at her right. The host places the lady whom he escorts at his right. The seats of the host and hostess may be in the middle and at opposite sides of the table, or at the opposite ends. Husbands should not escort their wives, or brothers their sisters, as this partakes of the nature of a family gathering.
DINNER A LA RUSSE.
The latest and most satisfactory plan for serving dinners is the dinnera la Russe(the Russian style)—all the food being placed upon a side table, and servants do the carving and waiting. This style gives an opportunity for more profuse ornamentation of the table, which, as the meal progresses, does not become encumbered with partially empty dishes and platters.
DUTIES OF SERVANTS.
The servants commence, in passing the dishes, one upon the right of the host and one upon the right of the hostess. A master or mistress should never censure the servants at dinner, however things may go wrong. Servants should wear thin-soled shoes that their stepsmay be noiseless, and if they should use napkins in serving (as is the English custom) instead of gloves, their hands and nails should be faultlessly clean. A good servant is never awkward. He avoids coughing, breathing hard or treading on a lady's dress; never lets any article drop, and deposits plates, glasses, knives, forks and spoons noiselessly. It is considered good form for a servant not to wear gloves in waiting at table, but to use a damask napkin, with one corner wrapped around the thumb, that he may not touch the plates and dishes with the naked hand.
SOUP.
Soup is the first course. All should accept it even if they let it remain untouched, because it is better to make a pretense of eating until the next course is served, than to sit waiting, or compel the servants to serve one before the rest. Soup should not be called for a second time. A soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful.
FISH.
Fish follows soup and must be eaten with a fork, unless fish knives are provided. If fish knives are not provided, a piece of bread in the left hand answers the purpose as well, with the fork in the right hand. Fish may be declined, but must not be called for a second time.
THE SIDE DISHES.
After soup and fish come the side dishes, which must be eaten with the fork, though the knife is used in cutting meats and anything too hard for a fork.
GENERAL RULES REGARDING DINNER.
When the plate of each course is set before you, with the knife and fork upon it, remove the knife and fork at once. This matter should be carefully attended to, as the serving of an entire course is delayed by neglecting to remove them.
Greediness should not be indulged in. Indecision must be avoided. Do not take up one piece and lay it down in favor of another, or hesitate.
Never allow the servant, or the one who pours, to fill your glass with wine that you do not wish to drink. You can check him by touching the rim of your glass.
Cheese is eaten with a fork and not with a knife.
If you have occasion to speak to a servant, wait until you can catch his eye, and then ask in a low tone for what you want.
The mouth should always be kept closed in eating, and both eating and drinking should be noiseless.
Bread is broken at dinner. Vegetables are eaten with a fork.
Asparagus can be taken up with the fingers, if preferred. Olives and artichokes are always so eaten.
Fruit is eaten with silver knives and forks.
You are at liberty to refuse a dish that you do not wish to eat. If any course is set down before you that you do not wish, do not touch it. Never play with food, nor mince your bread, nor handle the glass and silver near you unnecessarily.
Never reprove a waiter for negligence or improper conduct; that is the business of the host.
When a dish is offered you, accept or refuse at once, and allow the waiter to pass on. A gentleman will see that the lady whom he has escorted to the table is helped to all she wishes, but it is officiousness to offer to help other ladies who have escorts.
If the guests pass the dishes to one another, instead of being helped by a servant, you should always help yourself from the dish, if you desire it at all, before passing it on to the next.
A knife should never, on any account, be put into the mouth. Many people, even well-bred in other respects, seem to regard this as an unnecessary regulation; but when we consider that it is a rule of etiquette, and that its violation causes surprise and disgust to many people, it is wisest to observe it.
Be careful to remove the bones from fish before eating. If a bone inadvertently should get into the mouth, the lips must be covered with the napkin in removing it. Cherry stones and grape skins should be removed from the mouth as unobtrusively as possible, and deposited on the side of the plate.
Never use a napkin in place of a handkerchief for wiping the forehead, face or nose.
Pastry should be eaten with a fork. Every thing that can be cut without a knife should be eaten with the fork alone. Pudding may be eaten with a fork or spoon.
Never lay your hand, or play with your fingers, upon the table. Do not toy with your knife, fork or spoon,make crumbs of your bread, or draw imaginary lines upon the table cloth.
Never bite fruit. An apple, peach or pear should be peeled with a knife, and all fruit should be broken or cut.
WAITING ON OTHERS.
If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or elderly person, politeness requires him to save them all trouble of procuring for themselves anything to eat or drink, and of obtaining whatever they are in want of at the table, and he should be eager to offer them what he thinks may be most to their taste.
PRAISING DISHES.
A hostess should not express pride regarding what is on her table, nor make apologies if everything she offers you is not to her satisfaction. It is much better that she should observe silence in this respect, and allow her guests to eulogize her dinner or not, as they deem proper. Neither is it in good taste to urge guests to eat, nor to load their plates against their inclination.
MONOPOLIZING CONVERSATION.
For one or two persons to monopolize a conversation which ought to be general, is exceedingly rude. If the dinner party is a large one, you may converse with those near you, raising the voice only loud enough to be distinctly heard by the persons you are talking with.
PICKING TEETH AT THE TABLE.
It is a mark of rudeness to pick your teeth at the table, and it should always be avoided. To hold your hand or napkin over your mouth does not avoid the rudeness of the act, but if it becomes a matter of necessity to remove some obstacle from between the teeth, then your open mouth should be concealed by your hand or napkin.
SELECTING A PARTICULAR DISH.
Never express a preference for any dish or any particular portion of a fowl or of meat, unless requested to do so, and then answer promptly, that no time may be wasted in serving you and others after you.
DUTIES OF HOSTESS AND HOST.
Tact and self-possession are demanded of the hostess, in order that she may perform her duties agreeably, which are not onerous. She should instruct her servants not to remove her plate until her guests have finished. If she speaks of any omission by which her servants have inconvenienced her guests, she must do it with dignity, not betraying any undue annoyance. She must put all her guests at their ease, and pay every possible attention to the requirements of each and all around her. No accident must disturb her; no disappointment embarrass her. If her precious china and her rare glass are broken before her eyes, she must seem to take but little or no notice of it.
The host must aid the hostess in her efforts. He shouldhave ease and frankness of manner, a calmness of temper that nothing can ruffle, and a kindness of disposition that can never be exhausted. He must encourage the timid, draw out the silent and direct conversation rather than sustain it himself.
No matter what may go wrong, a hostess should never seem to notice it to the annoyance of her guests. By passing it over herself, it will very frequently escape the attention of others. If her guests arrive late, she should welcome them as cordially as if they had come early, but she will commit a rudeness to those who have arrived punctually, if she awaits dinner for tardy guests for more than the fifteen minutes of grace prescribed by custom.
RETIRING FROM THE TABLE.
When the hostess sees that all have finished, she looks at the lady who is sitting at the right of the host, and the company rise, and withdraw in the order they are seated, without precedence. After retiring to the drawing-room, the guests should intermingle in a social manner. It is expected that the guests will remain from one to three hours after dinner.
ACCEPTING HOSPITALITY A SIGN OF GOOD-WILL.
As eating with another under his own roof is in all conditions of society regarded as a sign of good-will, those who partake of proffered hospitalities, only to gossip about and abuse their host and hostess, should remember, that in the opinion of all honorable persons, they injure themselves by so doing.
CALLS AFTER A DINNER PARTY.
Calls should be made shortly after a dinner party by all who have been invited, whether the invitation be accepted or not.
RETURNING HOSPITALITY.
Those who are in the habit of giving dinner parties should return the invitation before another is extended to them. Society is very severe upon those who do not return debts of hospitality, if they have the means to do so. If they never entertain anyone because of limited means, or for other good reasons, it is so understood, and it is not expected that they should make exceptions; or if they are in the habit of giving other entertainments and not dinners, their debts of hospitality can be returned by invitations to whatever the entertainment might be. Some are deterred from accepting invitations by the feeling that they cannot return the hospitality in so magnificent a form. It is not the costly preparations, nor the expensive repast offered which are the most agreeable features of any entertainment, but it is the kind and friendly feeling shown. Those who are not deterred from accepting such invitations for this reason, and who enjoy the fruits of friendliness thus shown them, must possess narrow views of their duty, and very little self-respect, if, when an opportunity presents itself in any way to reciprocate the kind feeling manifested, they fail to avail themselves of it. True hospitality, however, neither expects nor desires any return.
EXPENSIVE DINNERS NOT THE MOST ENJOYABLE.
It is a mistake to think that in giving a dinner, it is indispensable to have certain dishes and a variety of wines, because others serve them. Those who entertain frequently often use their own discretion, and never feel obliged to do as others do, if they wish to do differently. Some of the most enjoyable dinners given are those which are least expensive. It is this mistaken feeling that people cannot entertain without committing all sorts of extravagances, which causes many persons, in every way well qualified to do incalculable good socially, to exclude themselves from all general society.
WINES AT DINNERS.
Themenuof a dinner party is by some not regarded as complete, unless it includes one or more varieties of wine. When used it is first served after soup, but any guest may, with propriety, decline being served. This, however, must not be done ostentatiously. Simply say to the waiter, or whoever pours it, "not any; thank you." Wine, offered at a dinner party, should never be criticized, however poor it may be. A person who has partaken of wine, may also decline to have the glass filled again.
If the guests should include one or more people of well-known temperance principles, in deference to the scruples of these guests, wines or liquors should not be brought to the table. People who entertain should also be cautious as to serving wines at all. It is impossible to tell what harm you may do to some of your highly esteemed guests. It may be that your palatable wines may create an appetite for the habitual use of wines or stronger alcoholic liquors; or you may renew a passion long controlled and entombed; or you may turn a wavering will from a seemingly steadfast resolution to forever abstain. This is an age of reforms, the temperance reform being by no means the least powerful of these, and no ladies or gentlemen will be censured or misunderstood if they neglect to supply their dinner table with any kind of intoxicating liquor. Mrs. ex-President Hayes banished wines and liquors from her table, and an example set by the "first lady of the land" can be safely followed in every American household, whatever may have been former prevailing customs. It is safe to say that no "mistress of the White House" will ever set aside the temperance principles established by Mrs. Hayes.
I
Tis of the highest importance that all persons should conduct themselves with the strictest regard to good breeding, even in the privacy of their own homes, when at table, a neglect of such observances will render one stiff and awkward in society. There are so many little points to be observed, that unless a person is habitually accustomed to observe them, he unconsciously commits some error, or will appear awkward and constrained upon occasions when it is important to be fully at ease. To be thoroughly at ease at such times is only acquired by the habitual practice of good manners at the table, and is the result of proper home training. It is the duty of parents to accustom their children, by example as well as by precept, to be attentive and polite to each other at every meal, as well as to observe proper rules of etiquette, and if they do so, they need never fear that they will be rude or awkward when they go abroad. Even when persons habitually eat alone, they should paydue regard to the rules of etiquette, for by so doing they form habits of ease and gracefulness which are requisite in refined circles; otherwise they speedily acquire rude and awkward habits which they cannot shake off without great difficulty, and which are at times embarrassing to themselves and their friends. In private families it should be observed as a rule to meet together at all meals of the day around one common table, where the same rules of etiquette should be rigidly enforced, as though each member of the family were sitting at a stranger's table. It is only by this constant practice of the rules of good behaviour at home, that good manners become easy when any of them go abroad.
THE BREAKFAST.
At the first meal of the day, even in the most orderly households, an amount of freedom is allowed, which would be unjustifiable at any other meal. The head of the house may look over his morning paper, and the various other members may glance over correspondence or such books or studies as they are interested in. Each may rise and leave the table when business or pleasure dictates, without awaiting for the others or for a general signal.
The breakfast table should be simply decorated, yet it may be made very attractive with its snowy cloth and napkins, its array of glass, and its ornamentation of fruits and flowers. Bread should be placed upon the table, cut in slices. In eating, it must always be broken, never cut, and certainly not bitten. Fruit shouldbe served in abundance at breakfast whenever practicable. There is an old adage which declares that "fruit is gold in the morning, silver at noon, and lead at night."
LUNCHEON.
In many of our large cities, where business prevents the head of the family from returning to dinner until a late hour, luncheon is served about midday and serves as an early dinner for children and servants. There is much less formality in the serving of lunch than of dinner. It is all placed upon the table at once, whether it consists of one or more courses. Where only one or two are at luncheon, the repast is ordinarily served on a tray.
DINNER.
The private family dinner should be the social hour of the day. Then parents and children should meet together, and the meal should be of such length as to admit of the greatest sociality. It is an old saying that chatted food is half digested. The utmost good feeling should prevail among all. Business and domestic cares and troubles should be, for the time, forgotten, and the pleasures of home most heartily enjoyed. In another chapter we have spoken at length upon fashionable dinner parties.
THE KNIFE AND FORK.
The knife and fork were not made for playthings, and should not be used as such when people are waiting at the table for the food to be served. Do not hold them erect in your hands at each side of your plate, nor crossthem on your plate when you have finished, nor make a noise with them. The knife should only be used for cutting meats and hard substances, while the fork, held in the left hand, is used in carrying food into the mouth. A knife must never, on any account, be put into the mouth. When you send your plate to be refilled, do not send your knife and fork, but put them upon a piece of bread, or hold them in your hand.
GREEDINESS.
To put large pieces of food into your mouth appears greedy, and if you are addressed when your mouth is so filled, you are obliged to pause, before answering, until the vast mouthful is masticated, or run the risk of choking, by swallowing it too hastily. To eat very fast is also a mark of greediness, and should be avoided. The same may be said of soaking up gravy with bread, scraping up sauce with a spoon, scraping your plate and gormandizing upon one or two articles of food only.
GENERAL RULES ON TABLE ETIQUETTE.
Refrain from making a noise when eating, or supping from a spoon, and from smacking the lips or breathing heavily while masticating food, as they are marks of ill-breeding. The lips should be kept closed in eating as much as possible.
It is rude and awkward to elevate your elbows and move your arms at the table, so as to incommode those on either side of you.
Whenever one or both hands are unoccupied, theyshould be kept below the table, and not pushed upon the table and into prominence.
Do not leave the table before the rest of the family or guests, without asking the head, or host, to excuse you, except at a hotel or boarding house.
Tea or coffee should never be poured into a saucer to cool, but sipped from the cup.
If a person wishes to be served with more tea or coffee, he should place his spoon in his saucer. If he has had sufficient, let it remain in the cup.
If by chance anything unpleasant is found in the food, such as a hair in the bread or a fly in the coffee, remove it without remark. Even though your own appetite be spoiled, it is well not to prejudice others.
Always make use of the butter-knife, sugar-spoon and salt-spoon, instead of using your knife, spoon or fingers.
Never, if possible, cough or sneeze at the table.
At home fold your napkin when you are done with it and place it in your ring. If you are visiting, leave your napkin unfolded beside your plate.
Eat neither too fast nor too slow.
Never lean back in your chair, nor sit too near or too far from the table.
Keep your elbows at your side, so that you may not inconvenience your neighbors.
Do not find fault with the food.
The old-fashioned habit of abstaining from taking the last piece upon the plate is no longer observed. It is to be supposed that the vacancy can be supplied, if necessary.
If a plate is handed you at the table, keep it yourself instead of passing it to a neighbor. If a dish is passed to you, serve yourself first, and then pass it on.
The host or hostess should not insist upon guests partaking of particular dishes; nor ask persons more than once, nor put anything on their plates which they have declined. It is ill-bred to urge a person to eat of anything after he has declined.
When sweet corn is served on the ear, the grain should be pared from it upon the plate, instead of being eaten from the cob.
Strive to keep the cloth as clean as possible, and use the edge of the plate or a side dish for potato skins and other refuse.
M
ORNINGreceptions, as they are called, but more correctly speaking, afternoon parties, are generally held from four to seven o'clock in the afternoon. Sometimes a sufficient number for a quadrille arrange to remain after the assemblage has for the most part dispersed.
THE DRESS.
The dress for receptions is, for men, morning dress; for ladies, demi-toilet, with or without bonnet. No low-necked dress nor short sleeves should be seen at day receptions, nor white neck-ties and dress coats.
The material of a lady's costume may be of velvet, silk, muslin, gauze or grenadine, according to the season of the year, and taste of the wearer, but her more elegant jewelry and laces should be reserved for evening parties.
THE REFRESHMENTS.
The refreshments for "morning receptions" are generally light, consisting of tea, coffee, frozen punch,claret punch, ices, fruit and cakes. Often a cold collation is spread after the lighter refreshments have been served, and sometimes the table is set with all the varieties, and renewed from time to time.
INVITATIONS.
Invitations to a reception are simple, and are usually very informal. Frequently the lady's card is sent with the simple inscription, "At Home Thursday, from four to seven." No answers are expected to these invitations, unless "R.S.V.P." is on one corner. One visiting card is left by each person who is present, to serve for the after call. No calls are expected from those who attend. Those who are not able to be present, call soon after.
MUSICAL MATINEES.
Amatinee musicalepartakes of the nature of a reception, and is one of the most difficult entertainments attempted. For this it is necessary to secure those persons possessing sufficient vocal and instrumental talent to insure the success of the entertainment, and to arrange with them a programme, assigning to each, in order, his or her part. It is customary to commence with a piece of instrumental music, followed by solos, duets, quartettes, etc., with instrumental music interspersed, in not too great proportions. Some competent person is needed as accompanist. It is the duty of the hostess to maintain silence among her guests during the performance of instrumental as well as vocal music. If any are unaware of the breach of good manners they commit intalking or whispering at such times, she should by a gesture endeavor to acquaint them of the fact. It is the duty of the hostess to see that the ladies are accompanied to the piano; that the leaves of the music are turned for them, and that they are conducted to their seats again. When not intimately acquainted with them, the hostess should join in expressing gratification.
The dress at a musical matinee is the same as at a reception, only bonnets are more generally dispensed with. Those who have taken part, often remain for a hot supper.
PARTIES IN THE COUNTRY.
Morning and afternoon parties in the country, or at watering places, are of a less formal character than in cities. The hostess introduces such of her guests as she thinks most likely to be mutually agreeable. Music or some amusement is essential to the success of such parties.
SUNDAY HOSPITALITIES.
In this country it is not expected that persons will call after informal hospitalities extended on Sunday. All gatherings on that day ought to be informal. No dinner parties are given on Sunday, or, at least, they are not considered as good form in good society.
FIVE O'CLOCK TEA, COFFEE AND KETTLE-DRUMS.
Five o'clock tea, coffee and kettle-drums have recently been introduced into this country from England. Forthese invitations are usually issued on the lady's visiting card, with the words written in the left hand corner.
Five o'clock tea
Or, if for a kettle-drum:
Kettle-drum
No answers are expected to these invitations, unless there is an R.S.V.P. on the card. It is optional with those who attend, to leave cards. Those who do not attend, call afterwards. The hostess receives her guests standing, aided by other members of the family or intimate friends. For a kettle-drum there is usually a crowd, and yet but few remain over half an hour—the conventional time allotted—unless they are detained by music or some entertaining conversation. A table set in the dining-room is supplied with tea, coffee, chocolate, sandwiches, buns and cakes, which constitute all that is offered to the guests.
There is less formality at a kettle-drum than at a larger day reception. The time is spent in desultory conversation with friends, in listening to music, or such entertainment as has been provided.
Gentlemen wear the usual morning dress. Ladies wear thedemi-toilet, with or without bonnets.
At five o'clock tea (or coffee), the equipage is on a side table, together with plates of thin sandwiches, and of cake. The pouring of the tea and passing of refreshments are usually done by some members of the family or friends, without the assistance of servants, where the number assembled is small; for, as a rule, the people who frequent these social gatherings, care more for social intercourse than for eating and drinking.
MORE FORMAL ENTERTAINMENTS.
Evening parties and balls are of a much more formal character than the entertainments that have been mentioned. They require evening dress. Of late years, however, evening dress is almost as much worn at grand dinners as at balls and evening parties, only the material is not of so diaphanous a character. Lace and muslin are out of place. Invitations to evening parties should be sent from a week to two weeks in advance, and in all cases they should be answered immediately.
BALLS.
The requisites for a successful ball are good music and plenty of people to dance. An English writer says, "The advantage of the ball is, that it brings young people together for a sensible and innocent recreation, and takes them away from silly, if not from bad ones; that it gives them exercise, and that the general effect of the beauty, elegance and brilliancy of a ball is to elevate rather than to deprave the mind." It may be that the round dance is monopolizing the ball room to a too greatextent, and it is possible that these may be so frequent as to mar the pleasure of some persons who do not care to participate in them, to the exclusion of "square" and other dances. America should not be the only nation that confines ball room dancing to waltzes, as is done in some of our cities. There should be an equal number of waltzes and quadrilles, with one or two contra dances, which would give an opportunity to those who object (or whose parents object) to round dances to appear on the floor.
PREPARATIONS FOR A BALL.
There should be dressing-rooms for ladies and gentlemen, with a servant or servants to each. There should be cards with the names of the invited guests upon them, or checks with duplicates to be given to the guests ready to pin upon the wraps of each one. Each dressing-room should be supplied with a complete set of toilet articles. It is customary to decorate the house elaborately with flowers. Although this is an expensive luxury, it adds much to beautifying the rooms.
THE MUSIC.
Four musicians are enough for a "dance." When the dancing room is small, the flageolet is preferable to the horn, as it is less noisy and marks the time as well. The piano and violin form the mainstay of the band; but when the rooms are large enough, a larger band may be employed.
THE DANCES.
The dances should be arranged beforehand, and for large balls programmes are printed with a list of the dances. Usually a ball opens with a waltz, followed by a quadrille, and these are succeeded by galops, lancers, polkas, quadrilles and waltzes in turn.
INTRODUCTIONS AT A BALL.
Gentlemen who are introduced to ladies at a ball, solely for the purpose of dancing, wait to be recognized before speaking with ladies upon meeting afterwards, but they are at liberty to recall themselves by lifting their hats in passing. In England a ball-room acquaintance rarely goes any farther, until they have met at more balls than one; so, also, a gentleman cannot, after being introduced to a young lady, ask her for more than two dances during the same evening. In England an introduction given for dancing purposes does not constitute acquaintanceship. With us, as in Continental Europe, it does. It is for this reason that, in England, ladies are expected to bow first, while on the Continent it is the gentlemen who give the first marks of recognition, as it should be here, or better still, simultaneously, when the recognition is simultaneous. It is as much the gentleman's place to bow (with our mode of life) as it is the lady's. The one who recognizes first should be the first to show that recognition. Introductions take place in a ball room in order to provide ladies with partners, or between persons residing in different cities. In allother cases permission is asked before giving introductions. But where a hostess is sufficiently discriminating in the selection of her guests, those assembled under her roof should remember that they are, in a certain sense, made known to one another, and ought, therefore, to be able to converse freely without introductions.
RECEIVING GUESTS.
The custom of the host and hostess receiving together, is not now prevalent. The receiving devolves upon the hostess, but it is the duty of the host to remain within sight until after the arrivals are principally over, that he may be easily found by any one seeking him. The same duty devolves upon the sons, who, that evening, must share their attentions with all. The daughters, as well as the sons, will look after partners for the young ladies who desire to dance, and they will try to see that no one is neglected before they join the dancers themselves.
AN AFTER-CALL.
After a ball, an after-call is due the lady of the house at which you were entertained, and should be made as soon as convenient—within two weeks at the farthest. The call loses its significance entirely, and passes into remissness, when a longer time is permitted to elapse. If it is not possible to make a call, send your card or leave it at the door. It has become customary of late for a lady who has no weekly reception day, in sending invitations to a ball, to inclose her card in each invitation for one or more receptions, in order that the after-calls due her may be made on that day.
SUPPER.
The supper-room at a ball is thrown open generally at twelve o'clock. The table is made as elegant as beautiful china, cut-glass and an abundance of flowers can make it. The hot dishes are oysters, stewed, fried, broiled and scalloped, chicken, game, etc., and the cold dishes are such as boned turkey,bœuf á la mode, chicken salad, lobster salad and raw oysters. When supper is announced, the host leads the way with the lady to whom he wishes to show especial attention, who may be an elderly lady, or a stranger or a bride. The hostess remains until the last, with the gentleman who takes her to supper, unless some distinguished guest is present, with whom she leads the way. No gentleman should ever go into the supper-room alone, unless he has seen every lady enter before him. When ladies are left unattended, gentlemen, although strangers, are at liberty to offer their services in waiting upon them, for the host and hostess are sufficient guarantees for the respectability of their guests.
THE NUMBER TO INVITE.
Persons giving balls or dancing parties should be careful not to invite more than their rooms will accommodate, so as to avoid a crush. Invitations to crowded balls are not hospitalities, but inflictions. A hostess is usually safe, however, in inviting one-fourth more thanher rooms will hold, as that proportion of regrets are apt to be received. People who do not dance will not, as a rule, expect to be invited to a ball or dancing party.
DUTIES OF GUESTS.
Some persons may be astonished to learn that any duties devolve upon the guests. In fact there are circles where all such duties are ignored.
It is the duty of every person who has at first accepted the invitation, and subsequently finds that it will be impossible to attend, to send a regret, even at the last moment, and as it is rude to send an acceptance with no intention of going, those who so accept will do well to remember this duty. It is the duty of every lady who attends a ball, to make her toilet as fresh as possible. It need not be expensive, but it should at least be clean; it may be simple, but it should be neither soiled nor tumbled. The gentlemen should wear evening dress.
It is the duty of every person to arrive as early as possible after the hour named, when it is mentioned in the invitation.
Another duty of guests is that each one should do all in his or her power to contribute to the enjoyment of the evening, and neither hesitate nor decline to be introduced to such guests as the hostess requests. It is not binding upon any gentleman to remain one moment longer than he desires with any lady. By constantly moving from one to another, when he feels so inclined, he gives an opportunity to others to circulate as freely; and this custom, generally introduced in our society,would go a long way toward contributing to the enjoyment of all. The false notion generally entertained that a gentleman is expected to remain standing by the side of a lady, like a sentinel on duty, until relieved by some other person, is absurd, and deters many who would gladly give a few passing moments to lady acquaintances, could they but know that they would be free to leave at any instant that conversation flagged, or that they desired to join another. In a society where it is not considered a rudeness to leave after a few sentences with one, to exchange some words with another, there is a constant interchange of civilities, and the men circulate through the room with that charming freedom which insures the enjoyment of all.
While the hostess is receiving, no person should remain beside her except members of her family who receive with her, or such friends as she has designated to assist her. All persons entering should pass on to make room for others.
SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR GENTLEMEN.
A gentleman should never attempt to step across a lady's train. He should walk around it. If by any accident he should tread upon any portion of her dress, he must instantly beg her pardon, and if by greater carelessness he should tear it, he must pause in his course and offer to escort her to the dressing-room so that she may have it repaired.
If a lady asks any favor of a gentleman, such as to send a servant to her with a glass of water, to take herinto the ball-room when she is without an escort, to inquire whether her carriage is in waiting, or any of the numerous services which ladies often require, no gentleman will, under any circumstances, refuse her request.
A really well-bred man will remember to ask the daughters of a house to dance, as it is his imperative duty to do so; and if the ball has been given for a lady who dances, he should include her in his attentions. If he wishes to be considered a thorough-bred gentleman, he will sacrifice himself occasionally to those who are unsought and neglected in the dance. The consciousness of having performed a kind and courteous action will be his reward.
When gentlemen, invited to a house on the occasion of an entertainment, are not acquainted with all the members of the family, their first duty, after speaking to their host and hostess, is to ask some common friend to introduce them to those members whom they do not know. The host and hostess are often too much occupied in receiving to be able to do this.
DUTIES OF AN ESCORT.
A lady's escort should call for her and accompany her to the place of entertainment; go with her as far as the dressing-room, return to meet her there when she is prepared to go to the ball-room; enter the latter room with her and lead her to the hostess; dance the first dance with her; conduct her to the supper-room, and be ready to accompany her home whenever she wishes to go. Heshould watch during the evening to see that she is supplied with dancing partners. When he escorts her home she should not invite him to enter the house, and even if she does so, he should by all means decline the invitation. He should call upon her within the next two days.
GENERAL RULES FOR BALLS.
A young man who can dance, and will not dance, should stay away from a ball.
The lady with whom a gentleman dances last is the one he takes to supper. Therefore he can make no engagement to take out any other, unless his partner is already engaged.
Public balls are most enjoyable when you have your own party. The great charm of a ball is its perfect accord and harmony. All altercations, loud talking and noisy laughter are doubly ill-mannered in a ball-room. Very little suffices to disturb the whole party.
In leaving a ball, it is not deemed necessary to wish the lady of the house a good night. In leaving a small dance or party, it is civil to do so.
The difference between a ball and an evening party is, that at a ball there must be dancing, and at an evening party there may or may not be. A London authority defines a ball to be "an assemblage for dancing, of not less than seventy-five persons."
Common civility requires that those who have not been present, but who were among the guests invited, should, when meeting the hostess the first time after an entertainment, make it a point to express some acknowledgment of their appreciation of the invitation, by regretting their inability to be present.
When dancing a round dance, a gentleman should never hold a lady's hand behind him, or on his hip, or high in the air, moving her arm as though it were a pump handle, as seen in some of our western cities, but should hold it gracefully by his side.
Never forget ball-room engagements, nor confuse them, nor promise two dances to one person. If a lady has forgotten an engagement, the gentleman she has thus slighted must pleasantly accept her apology. Good-breeding and the appearance of good temper are inseparable.
It is not necessary for a gentleman to bow to his partner after a quadrille; it is enough that he offers his arm and walks at least half way round the room with her. He is not obliged to remain beside her unless he wishes to do so, but may leave her with any lady whom she knows.
Never be seen without gloves in a ball-room, or with those of any other color than white, unless they are of the most delicate hue.
Though not customary for a married couple to dance together in society, those men who wish to show their wives the compliment of such unusual attention, if they possess any independence, will not be deterred from doing so by their fear of any comments from Mrs. Grundy.
The sooner that we recover from the effects of the Puritanical idea that clergymen should never be seen atballs, the better for all who attend them. Where it is wrong for a clergyman to go, it is wrong for any member of his church to be seen.
In leaving a ball room before the music has ceased, if no members of the family are in sight, it is not necessary to find them before taking your departure. If, however, the invitation is a first one, endeavor not to make your exit until you have thanked your hostess for the entertainment. You can speak of the pleasure it has afforded you, but it is not necessary that you should say "it has been a grand success."
Young ladies must be careful how they refuse to dance, for unless a good reason is given, a gentleman is apt to take it as evidence of personal dislike. After a lady refuses, the gentleman should not urge her to dance, nor should the lady accept another invitation for the same dance. The members of the household should see that those guests who wish to dance are provided with partners.
Ladies leaving a ball or party should not allow gentlemen to see them to their carriages, unless overcoats and hats are on for departure.
When balls are given, if the weather is bad, an awning should be provided for the protection of those passing from their carriages to the house. In all cases, a broad piece of carpet should be spread from the door to the carriage steps.
Gentlemen should engage their partners for the approaching dance, before the music strikes up.
In a private dance, a lady cannot well refuse to dancewith any gentleman who invites her, unless she has a previous engagement. If she declines from weariness, the gentleman will show her a compliment by abstaining from dancing himself, and remaining with her while the dance progresses.