GOVERNING OUR MOODS.
We should subdue our gloomy moods before we enter society. To look pleasantly and to speak kindly is a duty we owe to others. Neither should we afflict them with any dismal account of our health, state of mind or outward circumstances. Nevertheless, if another makes us the confidant of his woes, we should strive to appear sympathetic, and if possible help him to be stronger under them. A lady who shows by act, or expresses in plain, curt words, that the visit of another is unwelcome, may perhaps pride herself upon being no hypocrite. But she is, in reality, worse. She is grossly selfish. Courtesy requires her, for the time being, to forget her own feelings, and remember those of her visitor, and thus it is her duty to make that visitor happy while she remains.
A LADY DRIVING WITH A GENTLEMAN.
When a lady offers to drive a gentleman in her phaeton, he should walk to her house, if he accepts the invitation, unless, the distance being great, she should propose to call for him. In that case he will be on the watch, so as not to keep her waiting, and, if possible, meet her on the way.
AN INVITATION CANNOT BE RECALLED.
An invitation, once given, cannot be recalled, even from the best motives, without subjecting the one who recalls it to the charge of being either ignorant or regardless of all conventional rules of politeness. Thereis but one exception to this rule, and that is when the invitation has been delivered to the wrong person.
AVOID TALKING OF PERSONALITIES.
Avoid speaking of your birth, your travels and of all personal matters, to those who may misunderstand you, and consider it boasting. When induced to speak of them, do not dwell too long upon them, and do not speak boastfully.
ABOUT PERSONS' NAMES.
Do not speak of absent persons, who are not relatives or intimate friends, by their Christian names or surnames, but always as Mr. ——, or Mrs. ——, or Miss ——. Never name anyone by the first letter of his name, as "Mr. C." Give a foreigner his name in full when speaking of him.
SHUN GOSSIP AND TALE-BEARING.
Gossip and tale-bearing are always a personal confession either of malice or imbecility. The young of both sexes should not only shun these things, but, by the most thorough culture, relieve themselves from all temptation in that direction.
REMOVING THE HAT.
A gentleman never sits in the house with his hat on in the presence of ladies. Indeed, a gentleman instinctively removes his hat as soon as he enters a room, the habitual resort of ladies. A gentleman never retainshis hat in a theatre or other place of public entertainment.
TREATMENT OF INFERIORS.
Never affect superiority. In the company of an inferior never let him feel his inferiority. If you invite an inferior as your guest, treat him with all the politeness and consideration you would show an equal.
INTRUDING ON PRIVACY.
Never enter a private room anywhere without knocking. Sacredly respect the private property of others, and let no curiosity tempt you to pry into letters, desks, packets, trunks, or other belongings of another. It is ill-mannered to read a written paper lying upon a table or desk; whatever it may be, it is certainly no business of yours. No person should ever look over the shoulder of another who is reading or writing. You must not question a servant or child upon family affairs. Never betray an implied confidence, even if you have not been bound to secrecy.
KEEPING ENGAGEMENTS.
Nothing is more rude than to make an engagement, be it of business or pleasure, and break it. If your memory is not sufficiently retentive to keep all the engagements you make, carry a little memorandum book, and enter them there.
VALUE OF POLITENESS.
Chesterfield says: "As learning, honor and virtue are absolutely necessary to gain you the esteem andadmiration of mankind, politeness and good-breeding are equally necessary to make you welcome and agreeable in conversation and common life. Great talents, such as honor, virtue, learning and arts, are above the generality of the world, who neither possess them themselves, nor judge of them rightly in others; but all people are judges of the lesser talents, such as civility, affability, and an obliging, agreeable address and manner; because they feel the good effects of them, as making society easy and pleasing."
ADAPTING YOURSELF TO OTHERS.
Conform your conduct as far as possible to the company you chance to be with, only do not throw yourself into improper company. It is better even to laugh at and join in with vulgarity, so that it do not degenerate into indecency, than to set yourself up as better, and better-mannered than those with whom you may chance to be associated. True politeness and genuine good manners often not only permit but absolutely demand a temporary violation of the ordinary obligations of etiquette.
A WOMAN'S GOOD NAME.
Let no man speak a word against a woman at any time, or mention a woman's name in any company where it should not be spoken. "Civility," says Lord Chesterfield, "is particularly due to all women; and remember that no provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to every woman; and the greatest manwould justly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours."
DO NOT CONTRADICT.
Never directly contradict anyone. Say, "I beg your pardon, but I think you are mistaken or misinformed," or some such similar phrase which shall break the weight of direct contradiction. Where the matter is unimportant it is better to let it pass without correction.
EXPRESSING UNFAVORABLE OPINIONS.
You should be exceedingly cautious about expressing an unfavorable opinion relative to a young lady to a young man who appears to be attracted by, and attentive to her. If they should marry, the remembrance of your observations will not be pleasurable to yourself nor the married parties.
A CONVERSATION CHECKED.
If a person checks himself in a conversation, you should not insist on hearing what he intended to say. There is some good reason for checking himself, and it might cause him unpleasant feelings to urge him to carry out his first intentions.
VULGARITIES.
Some of the acts which may be classed as vulgarities when committed in the presence of others are given:
To sit with your back to a person, without asking to be excused.
To stand or sit with the feet wide apart.
To hum, whistle or sing in suppressed tones.
To stand with the arms akimbo; to lounge or yawn, or to do anything which shows disrespect, selfishness or indifference.
To correct inaccuracies in the statements of others, or their modes of speech.
To use profane language, or stronger expression than the occasion justifies.
To chew tobacco and its unnecessary accompaniment, spitting, are vulgar in the extreme.
MISCELLANEOUS RULES.
A gentleman precedes a lady passing through a crowd; ladies precede gentlemen under ordinary circumstances.
Give your children, unless married, their Christian names only, or say "my daughter" or "my son," in speaking of them to any one except servants.
Ladies in escorting each other, never offer to take the arm.
Acknowledge an invitation to stop with a friend, or any unusual attention without delay.
Never boast of birth, money or friends, or of any superior advantages you may possess.
Never ridicule others, be the object of your ridicule present or absent.
Always show respect for the religious opinions and observances of others, no matter how much they may differ from your own.
You should never scratch your head, pick your teeth, clean your nails or pick your nose in company.
Never lean your head against the wall, as you may disgust your wife or hostess by soiling the paper of her room.
Never slam a door or stamp noisily on entering a room.
Always be punctual. You have no right to waste the time of others by making them wait for you.
Always hand a chair for a lady, pick up her glove and perform any little service she may seem to require.
Never attract attention to yourself by talking or laughing loudly in public gatherings.
Keep yourself quiet and composed under all circumstances. Do not get fidgety. If you feel that time drags heavily, do not let this be apparent to others by any visible sign of uneasiness.
Refrain from absent-mindedness in the presence of others. You pay them a poor compliment if you thus forget them.
Never refuse to accept an apology for an offense, and never hesitate to make one, if one is due from you.
Never answer another rudely or impatiently. Reply courteously, at whatever inconvenience to yourself.
Never intrude upon a business man or woman in business hours unless you wish to see them on business.
Never engage a person in private conversation in presence of others, nor make any mysterious allusions which no one else understands.
On entering a room, bow slightly as a general salutation, before speaking to each of the persons assembled.
Do not seem to notice by word or glance, the deformity of another.
To administer reproof to anyone in the presence of others is very impolite. To scold at any time is unwise.
Never undertake a commission for a friend and neglect to perform it.
Never play a practical joke upon anyone, or answer a serious remark by a flippant one.
Never lend a borrowed book, and never keep such a book a single day after you are done with it.
Never pass between two persons who are talking together; and never pass before persons when it is possible to pass behind them. When such an act is absolutely necessary, always apologize for so doing.
"Never speak of a man's virtues before his face, or his faults behind his back," is a maxim to be remembered.
Another maxim is, "In private watch your thoughts; in your family watch your temper; in society watch your tongue."
Never address a mere acquaintance by his or her Christian name. It is a presumption at which the acquaintance may take offense.
Haughtiness and contempt are among the habits to be avoided. The best way is to deal courteously with the rude as well as with the courteous.
In the presence of others, talk as little of yourself as possible, or of the business or profession in which you are engaged.
It shows a want of courtesy to consult your watch, either at home or abroad. If at home, it appears as though you were tired of your company, and wished them to be gone. If abroad, it appears as though the hours dragged heavily, and you were calculating how soon you would be released.
Do not touch or handle any of the ornaments in the house where you visit. They are intended to be admired, not handled by visitors.
Do not read in company. A gentleman or lady may, however, look over a book of engravings or a collection of photographs with propriety.
Every species of affectation should be avoided, as it is always detected, and exceedingly disagreeable.
WASHINGTON'S MAXIMS.
Mr. Sparks, in his biography of Washington, has given to the public a collection of Washington's directions as to personal conduct, which he called his "Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company." We give these rules entire, as the reader may be interested in learning the principles which governed the conduct of the "Father of his Country."
Every action in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those present.
In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming voice, nor drum with your fingers or feet.
Speak not when others speak, sit not when others stand, and walk not when others stop.
Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking;jog not the table or desk on which another reads or writes; lean not on anyone.
Be no flatterer, neither play with anyone that delights not to be played with.
Read no letters, books or papers in company; but when there is a necessity for doing it, you must not leave. Come not near the books or writings of anyone so as to read them unasked; also look not nigh when another is writing a letter.
Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters somewhat grave.
Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your enemy.
They that are in dignity or office have in all places precedency, but whilst they are young, they ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge.
It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves, especially if they be above us.
Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.
In visiting the sick do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein.
In writing or speaking, give to every person his due title according to his degree and the custom of the place.
Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always submit your judgment to others with modesty.
Undertake not to teach your equal in the art he himself professes; it savors arrogancy.
When a man does all he can though it succeeds not well, blame not him that did it.
Being to advise or reprehend anyone, consider whether it ought to be in public or in private, presently or at some other time, also in what terms to do it; and inreproving show no signs of choler, but do it with sweetness and mildness.
Mock not nor jest at anything of importance; break no jests that are sharp or biting, and if you deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself.
Wherein you reprove another be unblamable yourself, for example is more prevalent than precept.
Use no reproachful language against any one, neither curses or revilings.
Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of anyone.
In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to accommodate nature rather than procure admiration. Keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil and orderly with respect to time and place.
Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you to see if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings set neatly and clothes handsomely.
Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.
Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a sign of a tractable and commendable nature; and in all cases of passion admit reason to govern.
Be not immodest in urging your friend to discover a secret.
Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grown and learned men, nor very difficult questions or subjects amongst the ignorant, nor things hard to be believed.
Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth nor at the table; speak not of melancholy things, as death and wounds; and if others mention them, change, if you can, the discourse. Tell not your dreams but to your intimate friends.
Break not a jest when none take pleasure in mirth. Laugh not aloud, nor at all without occasion. Deride no man's misfortunes, though there seem to be some cause.
Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor earnest. Scoff at none, although they give occasion.
Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear and answer, and be not pensive when it is time to converse.
Detract not from others, but neither be excessive in commending.
Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice without being asked; and when desired, do it briefly.
If two contend together, take not the part of either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your opinions; in things indifferent be of the major side.
Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for that belongs to parents, masters and superiors.
Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others, and ask not how they came. What you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others.
Speak not in an unknown tongue in company, but in your own language; and that as those of quality do, and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters treat seriously.
Think before you speak; pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your words too heartily, but orderly and distinctly.
When another speaks, be attentive yourself, and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not, nor prompt him without being desired; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech be ended.
Treat with men at fit times about business, and whisper not in the company of others.
Make no comparisons; and if any of the company be commended for any brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same.
Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In discoursing of things that you have heard, name not your author always. A secret discover not.
Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach to those who speak in private.
Undertake not what you cannot perform; but be careful to keep your promise.
When you deliver a matter, do it without passion and indiscretion, however mean the person may be you do it to.
When your superiors talk to anybody, hear them; neither speak nor laugh.
In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion, and submit to the judgment of the major part, especially if they are judges of the dispute.
Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same matter of discourse.
Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust.
Be not angry at table, whatever happens; and if you have reason to be so show it not; put on a cheerful countenance, especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish a feast.
Set not yourself at the upper end of the table; but if it be your due, or the master of the house will have it so, contend not, lest you should trouble the company.
When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously, in reverence and honor, and obey your natural parents.
Let your recreations be manful, not sinful.
Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.
T
HEcustom of celebrating anniversary weddings has, of late years, been largely practiced, and they have become a very pleasant means of social reunion among the relatives and friends of both husband and wife. Often this is the only reason for celebrating them, and the occasion is sometimes taken advantage of to give a large party, of a more informal nature than could be given under other circumstances. The occasion becomes one of the memorable events in the life of the couple whose wedding anniversary is celebrated. It is an occasion for recalling the happy event which brought to each a new existence, and changed the current of their lives. It is an occasion for them to receive congratulations upon their past married life, and wishes for many additional years of wedded bliss.
Upon these occasions the married couple sometimes appear in the costumes worn by them on their weddingday, which they have preserved with punctilious care, and when many years have intervened the quaintness and oddity of the style of dress from the prevailing style is a matter of interest, and the occasion of pleasant comments. The couple receive their guests together, who upon entering the drawing-room, where they are receiving, extend to them their congratulations and wishes for continued prosperity and happiness. The various anniversaries are designated by special names, indicative of the presents suitable on each occasion, should guests deem it advisable to send presents. It may be here stated that it is entirely optional with parties invited as to whether any presents are sent or taken. At the earlier anniversaries, much pleasantry and amusement is occasioned by presenting unique and fantastic articles, gotten up for the occasion. When this is contemplated, care should be taken that they should not be such as are liable to give offense to a person of sensitive nature.
THE PAPER, COTTON AND LEATHER WEDDING.
The first anniversary of the wedding-day is called the Paper Wedding, the second the Cotton Wedding, and the third the Leather Wedding. The invitations to the first should be issued on a grey paper, representing thin cardboard. Presents, if given should be solely articles made of paper.
The invitations for the cotton wedding should be neatly printed on fine white cloth, and presents should be of articles of cotton cloth.
For the leather wedding invitations should be issued upon leather, tastily gotten up, and presents, of course, should be articles made of leather.
THE WOODEN WEDDING.
The wooden wedding is the fifth anniversary of the marriage. The invitations should be upon thin cards of wood, or they may be written on a sheet of wedding note paper, and a card of wood enclosed in the envelope. The presents suitable to this occasion are most numerous, and may range from a wooden paper knife or trifling article for kitchen use up to a complete set of parlor or kitchen furniture.
THE TIN WEDDING.
The tenth anniversary of the marriage is called the tin wedding. The invitations for this anniversary may be made upon cards covered with a tin card inclosed. The guests, if they desire to accompany their congratulations with appropriate presents, have the whole list of articles manufactured by the tinner's art from which to select.
THE CRYSTAL WEDDING.
The crystal wedding is the fifteenth anniversary. Invitations may be on thin, transparent paper, or colored sheets of prepared gelatine, or on ordinary wedding note-paper, enclosing a sheet of mica. The guests make their offerings to their host and hostess of trifles of glass, which may be more or less valuable, as the donor feels inclined.
THE CHINA WEDDING.
The china wedding occurs on the twentieth anniversary of the wedding-day. Invitations should be issued on exceedingly fine, semi-transparent note-paper or cards. Various articles for the dining or tea-table or for the toilet-stand, vases or mantel ornaments, all are appropriate on this occasion.
THE SILVER WEDDING.
The silver wedding occurs on the twenty-fifth marriage anniversary. The invitations issued for this wedding should be upon the finest note-paper, printed in bright silver, with monogram or crest upon both paper and envelope, in silver also. If presents are offered by any of the guests, they should be of silver, and may be the merest trifles, or more expensive, as the means and inclinations of the donors incline.
THE GOLDEN WEDDING.
The close of the fiftieth year of married life brings round the appropriate time for the golden wedding. Fifty years of married happiness may indeed be crowned with gold. The invitations for this anniversary celebration should be printed on the finest note-paper in gold, with crest or monogram on both paper and envelopes in highly-burnished gold. The presents, if any are offered, are also in gold.
THE DIAMOND WEDDING.
Rarely, indeed, is a diamond wedding celebrated. This should be held on the seventy-fifth anniversary of the marriage-day. So seldom are these occurrences that custom has sanctioned no particular style or form to be observed in the invitations. They might be issued upon diamond-shaped cards, enclosed in envelopes of a corresponding shape. There can be no general offering of presents at such a wedding, since diamonds in any number are beyond the means of most persons.
PRESENTS AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
It is not, as before stated, required that an invitation to an anniversary wedding be acknowledged by a valuable gift, or indeed by any. The donors on such occasions are usually only members of the family or intimate friends, and may act at their own discretion in the matter of giving presents.
On the occasion of golden or silver weddings, it is not amiss to have printed at the bottom of the invitation the words "No presents," or to enclose a card announcing—
"It is preferred that no wedding gifts be offered."
INVITATIONS TO ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
The invitations to anniversary weddings may vary something in their wording, according to the fancy of the writer, but they are all similar. They should give the date of the marriage and the anniversary. Theymay or may not give the name of the husband at the right-hand side and the maiden name of the wife at the left. What the anniversary is should also be indicated.
The following form will serve as a model:
Invitation to an Anniversary Party
A proper variation will make this form equally suitable for any of the other anniversary weddings.
MARRIAGE CEREMONY AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
It is not unusual to have the marriage ceremony repeated at these anniversary weddings, especially at the silver or golden wedding. The earliest anniversaries are almost too trivial occasions upon which to introduce this ceremony. The clergyman who officiates may so change the exact words of the marriage ceremony as to render them appropriate to the occasion.
UU
PONthe announcement of the birth of a child, the lady friends of the mother send her their cards, with inquiries after her health. As soon as she is strong enough to permit, the mother returns her own card to all from whom she received cards and inquiries, with "thanks for kind inquiries." Her lady friends then make personal visits, but gentlemen do not call upon the mother on these occasions. If they wish, they may pay their visits to the father, and inquire after the health of the mother and child.
NAMING THE CHILD.
It becomes an all-important matter to the parents, what name they shall give to the newly-born child, and as this is a matter which may also concern the latter at some future day, it becomes an object of solicitude, until a suitable name is settled upon. The custom inScotland is to name the first son after the father's father, and the first daughter after the mother's mother, the second son after the father, the second daughter after the mother, and succeeding children after other near relations. This perpetuates family names, and if they are persons whose names are regarded as worthy of perpetuation, it may be considered a good custom to follow. With some it is customary to name children after some renowned person, either living or dead. There are objections to this plan, however, for if the person be still living, he may commit some act which will bring opprobrium to his name, and so cause both the parent and child to be ashamed of bearing such a disgraced name. If the person after whom the child is named be dead, it may be that the child's character may be so entirely different from the person who formerly bore it, that the name shall be made a reproach or satire.
The plan of reviving the old Saxon names has been adopted by some, and it has been claimed that the names of Edgar, Edwin, Arthur, Alfred, Ethel, Maud, Edith, Theresa, and many others of the Saxon names are pleasant sounding and strong, and a desirable contrast to the Fannies, Mamies, Minnies, Lizzies, Sadies, and other petty diminutives which have taken the place of better sounding and stronger names.
THE CHRISTENING.
The christening and the baptism usually occur at the same time, and are regulated according to the practicesof the special church where the parents attend worship. As these are quite varied, it will be sufficient only to indicate the forms and customs which society imposes at such times.
GODPARENTS OR SPONSORS.
In the Episcopal Church there are two, and sometimes three, godparents or sponsors. If the child is a boy, there are two godfathers and one godmother. If a girl, two godmothers and one godfather. The persons selected for godparents should be near relatives or friends of long and close standing, and should be members of the same church into which the child is baptized. The maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather usually act as sponsors for the first child, the maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother for the second. A person invited to act as godparent should not refuse without good reason. If the grandparents are not selected, it is an act of courtesy to select the godmother, and allow her to designate the godfather. Young persons should not stand sponsors to an infant; and none should offer to act unless their superior position warrants them in so doing.
PRESENTS FROM GODFATHERS.
The sponsors must make their godchild a present of some sort—a silver mug, a knife, spoon and fork, a handsomely-bound bible, or perhaps a costly piece of lace or embroidery suitable for infants' wear. The godfather may give a cup, with name engraved, and the godmother the christening robe and cap.
THE CHRISTENING CEREMONY.
Upon entering the church the babe is carried first in the arms of its nurse. Next come the sponsors, and after them the father and mother, if she is able to be present. The invited guests follow. In taking their places the sponsors stand, the godfather on the right and the godmother on the left of the child. When the question is asked, "Who are the sponsors for the child?" the proper persons should merely bow their heads without speaking.
In the Roman Catholic Church baptism takes place at as early a date as possible. If the child does not seem to be strong, a priest is sent for at once, and the ceremony is performed at the mother's bedside. If, on the other hand, the child is healthy, it is taken to the church within a few days after its birth. In Protestant churches the ceremony of baptism is usually deferred until the mother is able to be present. If the ceremony is performed at home, a carriage must be sent for the clergyman, and retained to convey him back again after the ceremony is concluded. A luncheon may follow the christening, though a collation of cake and wine will fill all the requirements of etiquette. It is the duty of the godfather to propose the health of the infant.
PRESENTS FROM GUESTS.
Friends invited to a christening should remember the babe in whose honor they convene, by some trifling gift.Gentlemen may present an article of silver, ladies something of their own manufacture.
THE HERO OF THE OCCASION.
It should be remembered that the baby is the person of the greatest importance on these occasions, and the guests should give it a large share of attention and praise. The parents, however, must not make this duty too onerous to their guests by keeping a tired, fretful child on exhibition. It is better to send it at once to the care of the nurse as soon as the ceremony is over.
FEES TO THE CLERGYMAN.
Though the Church performs the ceremony of baptism gratuitously, the parents should, if they are able, make a present to the officiating clergyman, or, through him a donation to the poor of the neighborhood.
T
HEsaddest of all ceremonies is that attendant upon the death of relatives and friends, and it becomes us to show, in every possible way, the utmost consideration for the feelings of the bereaved, and the deepest respect for the melancholy occasion. Of late the forms of ostentation at funerals are gradually diminishing, and by some people of intelligence, even mourning habiliments are rejected in whole or in part.
INVITATION TO A FUNERAL.
It is customary in cities to give the notice of death and announcement of a funeral through the daily newspapers, though sometimes when such announcement may not reach all friends in time, invitations to the funeral are sent to personal and family friends of the deceased. In villages where there is no daily paper, such invitations are often issued.
Private invitations are usually printed on fine small note paper, with a heavy black border, and in such form as the following:
Invitation to Funeral
When an announcement of a death is sent to a friend or relative at a distant point, it is usual to telegraph or to write the notice of death, time and place of funeral, to allow the friend an opportunity to arrive before the services.
It is a breach of good manners not to accept an invitation to a funeral, when one is sent.
ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE FUNERAL.
It is customary to trust the details of the arrangements for the funeral to some relative or friend of the family, and if there be no friend who can perform thisduty, it can be safely left with the undertaker to perform the painful duties of master of ceremonies. It is prudent to name a limit for the expenses of the funeral, and the means of the family should always govern these. Pomp and display should always be avoided, as they are out of keeping with the solemn occasion, and inconsistent with real grief. At the funeral some one should act as usher to seat the friends who attend.
THE HOUSE OF MOURNING.
Upon entering the house of mourning, a gentleman should always remove his hat in the hall, and not replace it until he is about to depart. No calls of condolence should be made upon the bereaved family while the dead remains in the house, and members of the family may be excused from receiving any but their most intimate friends at that time.
There should be no loud talking or confusion while the body remains in the house. All differences and quarrels must be forgotten in the house of mourning, and personal enemies who meet at a funeral must treat each other with respect and dignity. The bell knob or door handle is draped with black crape, with a black ribbon tied on, if the deceased is married or advanced in years, and with a white ribbon, if young or unmarried.
THE FUNERAL SERVICES.
If the services are held at the house, some near friend or relative will receive the guests. The immediate members of the family and near relatives should take afinal view of the corpse just before the arrival of the guests, and should not make their appearance again until the services are about to commence. It is becoming customary now to reserve a room of the house adjoining that in which the services are held, for the exclusive use of the near relatives and members of the family during the services. Then the clergyman takes his position at the door between the two rooms while conducting the services. As guests arrive, they are requested to take a last look at the corpse before seating themselves, and upon the conclusion of the services the coffin lid is closed, and the remains are borne to the hearse. The custom of opening the coffin at the church to allow all who attend to take a final look at the corpse, is rapidly coming into disfavor. The friends who desire it are requested to view the corpse at the house, before it is taken to the church.
If, however, the deceased is a person of great prominence in the community, and the house is not able to accommodate the large numbers who desire to take a last look at the face of the deceased, then, perhaps, it may be well that the coffin should be opened at the church.
THE PALL-BEARERS.
The pall-bearers, usually six, but sometimes eight, when the deceased is a person of considerable prominence, are generally chosen from the intimate acquaintances of the deceased, and of nearly the same age. If they walk to the cemetery, they take their position inequal numbers on either side of the hearse. If they ride, their carriage or carriages precede the hearse.
ORDER OF THE PROCESSION.
The carriages containing the clergyman and pall-bearers precede the hearse, immediately following which are the carriages of the nearest relatives, more distant relatives and friends respectively. When societies or masonic bodies take part in the procession they precede the hearse.
The horse of a deceased mounted military officer, fully equipped and draped in mourning, will be led immediately after the hearse. As the mourners pass out to enter the carriage, the guests stand with uncovered heads. No salutations are given or received. The person who officiates as master of ceremonies, assists the mourners to enter and alight from the carriages. At the cemetery the clergyman or priest walks in advance of the coffin. In towns and villages where the cemetery is near at hand and the procession goes on foot, the men should go with uncovered heads, if the weather permit, the hat being held in the right hand. Guests return to their respective homes after the services at the grave.
FLORAL DECORATIONS.
The usual decorations of the coffin are flowers, tastefully arranged in a beautiful wreath for a child or young person, and a cross for a married person, which are placed upon the coffin. These flowers should mostly be white. Near friends of the deceased may send beautiful floral devices, if they wish, as a mark of their esteem for the deceased, which should be sent in time to be used for decorative purposes.