GRAND EXCURSION TO BLUNDERTOWN AND BACK
GRAND EXCURSION TO BLUNDERTOWN AND BACK
Three
little boys (whose names you must not know—so, choosing something like them, they shallbe called Norval, Jaques, and Ranulf) had been reading all about Alice, and the strange, funny things she saw and did when fast asleep.
IF WE COULD.
“I wonder,” said Jaques, “if I could ever get to sleep like her, so as to walk through looking-glasses, and that sort of thing, without breaking them or coming up against the wall!”
“Oh,” said Ranulf, “wouldn’t it be nice if we could! Only the funniest thing is how she got through the wall. I don’t see how being asleep would help her to do that.”
Norval, the eldest, broke in—“Oh, you big stupid! she didn’t go through it; she only thought she did.”
“Well, then,” said Jaques, “I want to think it too. Last night when I was in bed I tried to go to sleep, and to get through the wall; but when I fell asleep I forgot all about it, and dreamed that I was sick, and that the doctor gave me a big glass of something horrid.”
“Ah, but,” said Norval, “that was because you tried. Alice didn’t try, you know. Sheknew nothing about being asleep till she woke up.”
“Well, I didn’t know I was asleep till I woke up, either,” answered Jaques.
Ranulf looked very wise, although he was the smallest, and said, “Perhaps if Alice was here, she would tell us how to do it.”
HOW TO DO IT.
“Of course I would,” said a sweet voice behind them; and, turning round, who should they see but little Alice herself, looking exactly as she does on page 35, where she is getting her thimble from the Dodo?
“Oh, how awfully jolly!” cried Norval; “will you help us?” He was very much surprised, not at seeing Alice, but at not being surprised.
“Indeed I will,” said she, “although I don’t know, you know, whether boys can manage it.”
Ranulf was just going to say, saucily, “A great deal better than girls, I should think,” when Norval, who was older, and knew better how to behave, checked him, and said—
BY ORDER.
“But, Alice, dear, surely if it’s done by going to sleep, boys can do that as well as girls.”
“Well, so they can,” said she; “but then, you see, everybody who goes to sleep doesn’t get to Wonderland.”
“Oh, but perhaps,” said Jaques, “if you will go to sleep too, you will come with us, and show us the way.”
“Ah! I can’t do that to-day,” said Alice, looking very grave; “for, you see, when I came to you I was just going to give Dollys their dinner—such a nice dinner! cake and currants; and it would be cruel to leave them looking at it till I came back.”
Now Norval suddenly remembered that he knew some boys whose uncle was a Director at the Aquarium, and who, when he could not go with them and pass them in himself, gave them a written order; so, turning to Alice, he said—
“Oh, but if you would give us a pass, it might help us.” And sitting down at the writing-table, he wrote in stiff letters, imitating the papers hehad seen, and laying the pass before her, said, “Now, write ‘Alice’ there ever so big, and put a grand whirly stroke under it.”
Alice obeyed, and the pass was ready.
“Now then,” said she, “you had better go to sleep.”
Norval threw himself down on a sofa; Jaques and Ranulf coiled themselves up on the rug.
SHUT UP.
Norval could not resist the temptation to keep one eye half open, that he might see what Alice did. But she, noticing this, held up her little forefinger, and said, “Come, come, that won’tdo.” Thus rebuked, Norval shut his other eye.
“Now, all go to sleep at once,” said Alice.
PLAGUEY BOYS.
“I’m nearly asleep already,” said Jaques.
“Oh!” said Norval.
“No!” said Ranulf.
“That’s talking, not going to sleep,” said Alice.
All was still for a little, then Jaques half uncoiled himself and looked at Ranulf.
Ranulf uncoiled himself and looked at Norval.
Norval raised his head, and looked at Jaques.
On finding that they were all awake, the three burst out laughing.
“That’s laughing, not going to sleep,” said Alice.
Down they all flopped again, and then Alice, to help them, said, “Hushaby baby, on the tree-top!”
“I’m not a baby,” said Ranulf, much offended, as he was nearly six.
“I’m not on a tree-top,” said Jaques.
“You’ve waked me up,” said Norval.
WE’LL BE GOOD.
“That’s chattering, not going to sleep,” said Alice.
“I’m sure I must be asleep now,” said Norval.
“So am I,” said Jaques.
“And me too,” said Ranulf.
“That’s talking nonsense, not going to sleep,” said she. “I see it’s no use; Alice’s way won’t do with wild rogues like you, and I really must go back to Dollys.”
“Whatarewe to do?” said Norval; “we can’t fall asleep. Don’t you think we could get to the funny places you went to without going to sleep?”
“Will you do what I tell you?” asked Alice, holding up her little forefinger in a dignified kind of way.
Jaques had some misgivings about compromising his position as a small lord of the creation by agreeing to do what a little girl told him; but his anxiety to see some wonders prevailed, and they all said that they would obey.
“Shut your eyes, then, and don’t open them till I tell you, and perhaps something will happen.”
AN EYE-OPENER.
Norval rolled down from the sofa to the side of his brothers. Then all squeezed up their eyes quite tight, and although they heard a curious rumbling noise, did not open them.
“That’s right,” said Alice; “you would have spoiled everything if you had peeped. Boys who don’t do what they are told spoil everything, and themselves besides. Now you may look!”
They had squeezed their eyes so tight that it took ever so long to get them unfastened. Jaques got his open first, and saw that little Alice was gone.
“Oh, Alice, where are you?” he cried.
A distant voice replied, “Off to Dollys!”
OVER THE SLEEPERS.
Just as he was going to say, “What a shame, when I squeezed so hard!” Norval and Ranulf got their eyes open, and before Jaques could speak, they gave a wild shout, “Hurrah! hurrah! hurrah!” Jaques’ head had been looking the wrong way, but when he turned round he saw what the others had seen—
THREE BICYCLES,
FUNNY BOBS.
only they were rather different from other bicycles, as, in place of the small hind-wheels, there were funny little fellows, made up of a head and three legs; and as they stood on one foot, with the other two in the air, and their noses thrustthrough the end of the bar, they looked very comical. Still more funny was it when the boys went forward to look closer, and the little three-legged men made them a bow, which they did by touching their caps with one leg, bobbing forward on another, and back again. The wheels and treddles were made of gold, the seats were lined with crimson velvet, and the little men had blue tights and silver caps and shoes; so everything looked very smart. The boys could not understand how the bicycles stood upright without anything to hold the wheels, and began talking about them, wondering whether they could move of themselves. They had scarcely spoken of this, when, as if to show off their powers, the little men began to turn round on their three legs, and move slowly about the room. They steered their way among the furniture most cleverly, and at last as each stopped beside one of the boys they all touched their caps, and bobbed from one leg to another, as before.
“Are we to get up?” said Jaques, timidly.
OFF THEY GO.
Bob went all the little men.
“Does that mean yes?” said Norval.
Bob.
“But where are we going?” said Ranulf.
“To Wonderland, of course,” said Jaques.
“All right,” said the other two, and they all scrambled up on the bicycles.
The moment they were seated, the three little men gave a shrill whistle, as a railway engine does before it starts, and off they went at a tremendous pace. The boys had barely time to think how hard the drawing-room wall would be, when the whole party went straight through it as if it had been, like circus hoops, filled in with paper. Norval went across the library and out at the window, but papa did not seem to notice him; he only got up and closed the sash, as if he had felt a draught. Jaques passed through the butler’s pantry, but the butler only scratched his ear, as if something had tickled him. Ranulf shot at a slant through the nursery, clutching a penny trumpet off the table as he passed, but nurseonly gave a shiver, and said, “Deary me, I do feel so queasy queer!”
DISTANCE LENDS.
They were going so fast, that Norval, looking round the moment they were outside the house, saw papa’s head, not bigger than a black pin’s, looking out of a window, that seemed smaller than a halfpenny stamp; and Jaques caught sight of Oscar, the house dog, who looked like a comma with its tail wagging. Besides, they kept mounting up in the air as well as going on, so that the fields looked no bigger than the squares of a chess-board, and the trees between them, in their autumn tints, like rows of brass nails on a green-baize door. Before they could count fifty, the world itself, when they looked back, was like one of those funny worsted balls that show a number of different colours. The little men were spinning so fast that their silver caps, blue hose, and bright shoes ran into circles, till they looked like silver wheels with a blue enamel ring on them.
“Isn’t it funny that we aren’t frightened?” said Jaques.
FAST IDEAS.
“I think we would be if we had time,” said Norval (who was the thinking one of the three), “only we are going so fast that there’s no time to be frightened.”
“Perhaps it’s because we’re asleep like Alice, after all,” said Ranulf, looking very wise.
“Oh no; because you see when people are asleep they are still, and we are going so fast that it would be sure to wake us,” replied Jaques.
“But we can be still and go fast all the same, can’t we?” said Ranulf.
“Oh no, you silly!” said Jaques.
“Oh yes,” said Ranulf; “because we can go still faster; and if we can go still faster, why can’t we go still fast?”
“Oh yes, to be sure,” said Jaques; “and besides, of course, a man can be fast and still at the same time, for if he is made fast with rope he must be still.”
“And wearegoing fast still,” said Norval, as the bicycles flew on; “but I don’t see yet how we can be still and fast both.”
A STEADY SWELL.
The three seemed likely to get into a regular muddle about this, when their attention was suddenly called off by Jaques catching sight of something that looked first like a new threepenny-piece, and in another second like a big shining tin plate.
“What’s that?” said Jaques. While he was saying this, it had grown as big as a drum.
“Perhaps it’s a giant’s dish,” said Ranulf. It was now as big as a circus.
“It’s getting too big for that,” said Jaques. By this time it was as large as a race-course, and in another second it was too great to be like anything.
CRUSTY CRESCENT.
Norval, who had been thinking, was just going to say, “Perhaps it’s the moon,” when the Man in the Moon put his head out at one side, and looking as grumpy as possible, called out—“Hi, you rascals! what do you want here?” He had evidently been wakened out of a nap by the whirr of the bicycles, for he wore a big rednightcap, and had got only one eye open.
“We aren’t rascals,” said Jaques; “if you say that, we’ll tell papa.”
“Oh,” said Norval, “are you the fellow that came down too soon?”
NEARLY MOON-STRUCK.
Ranulf broke in—“I think you’ve got up too soon this morning. By the bye, did you ever find the way to Norwich?”
The Man in the Moon got quite red with rage at this, opened his other eye, and aimed a blow at Ranulf with a big stick.
“Ha!” said Jaques, “that’s one of the sticks you gathered on Sunday, you villain!”
As his arm made the blow, it came nearer the boys; and the stick, which had looked only like a porridge-stick, got as big as Nelson’s Monument. Ranulf would have been knocked to pieces, but the little man at the back of the bicycle gave a sudden dart to one side; the Man in the Moon overbalanced himself, and if his wife had not caught him by the legs he would have tumbled off the moon altogether. In struggling to get on again his red nightcap fell off, and a breeze of wind carrying it away, left it sticking on one of the moon’s horns.
They were now getting so near the moon that they began to wonder how they were to pass it.
KEEP YOUR SEATS.
“Jump over, to be sure,” said Jaques.
“Oh, that would be a tremendous jump!” replied Ranulf.
“Not at all,” said Norval; “you know the cow jumped over the moon, so it can’t be very difficult after all.”
The bicycles began to move a little slower, and the boys thought they were going to stop, but it turned out that the little men were only gathering themselves together, like good hunters, for the spring; for in a moment they gave a whistle, as a train does when it goes into a tunnel, and the bicycles bounding up, went right over the top of the moon, the boys keeping their seats in a way that it would be well if some Members of Parliament could imitate.
ECHO ANSWERS.
As they passed, the Man in the Moon, who had come up after his nightcap, shouted, “Don’t you come here again!” and picked up a stone as big as four hayricks to throw after them. But before he could do so, his wife, who had come behind him, and who had a nose as big asa ship’s long-boat, eyes like paddle-boxes, and a mouth like the entrance of a harbour, seized him by the arm, boxed his ears, and said in a voice loud enough to be heard hundreds of miles off—
“Would you hurt the dear little things, you old villain?”
“Old villain! ’ld villain! villain! ’illain! ’lain! ’lan! ln!” cried the echoes in the stars.
The Man in the Moon dropped the big stone on his own toes, and muttering, “Petticoat government again!” pulled his nightcap over his ears, shrugged his shoulders, and went home meekly to breakfast.
“I wonder if we’re going the same way the cow went!” said Ranulf; “if we are, perhaps we may get a drink of milk—I’m so thirsty.”
“And a beefsteak,” said Jaques; “for I’m hungry.”
“Faugh!” said Norval; “what would papa say if he heard of our eating cow-beef in Fairyland? and as for milk, if she runs as fast as we do, she must be run dry long ago.”
MIST-ERIE.
The pace was now greater than ever, so that the stars flew past them like sparks from a smith’s anvil. They had been going through darkness for some time, when they perceived a dim light in front; and soon they saw that it was a grey cloud, into which the bicycles plunged, moving more slowly, till they came to a walk. While they were in the cloud, the boys felt that they had come to ground; and in a minute or two they passed through it, and found themselves in a very bleak, cold-looking place—no grass, no trees, no flowers, nothing but stones and sand, and an old woman walking in front of them, thick fog enveloping all round. Ranulf was almost going to cry, it looked so dreary; but Norval told him to remember that papa often said, “Whatever happens, don’t cry, but be brave boys; things are always made worse by crying.” So he gave three big gulps and was all right. But they began to think in themselves that if they had known Fairyland was like this, they would have preferred to stay at home. They had little time to reflect,however, for the old woman tripped her foot against a stone and fell down on her nose, which was very long. The boys jumped at once to the ground, forgettingall about Fairyland, and rushed to the old woman to help her up.
BEAK ON ROCK.
“Poor granny!” said Jaques, “are you very much hurt?”
“Verily muchly,” said she, in a squeaky voice, that sounded like the noise which a piece of paper stuck over a comb makes.
A PICK-ME-UP.
It was so funny that they all felt inclined to have a laugh; but they kept it down, and helped the old lady up. Her nose was so long that their handkerchiefs were too small to tie it up, so they fastened them together and bandaged it as well as they could. They were going back to the bicycles, when she said—
“Don’t go away, dears.”
Norval said, “We wanted to get on to the nice part of Fairyland, but if you would like us to stay till you feel better, we will.”
“Yes, of course we will,” said Jaques; “won’t we, Ranny?” And Ranulf gave a big nod.
TRANSFORMATION.
FAIRY-EST OF ALL.
Then the old lady, patting Ranulf on the head, replied, “You want to get to the nice part ofFairyland? So you shall, for those who are kind are sure to get what is nice and pleasant at the proper time.” While speaking, she seemed to get enveloped in a kind of mist, through which the boys could only trace her figure dimly. To their great surprise, the fog that was all round and above them began to weave into lines; and these plaited themselves together quickly, till they formed a vast trellised dome. Then light began to break through, and the dark bars became transparent gold. Lovely plants rose from the top of the dome, twining themselves in and out all the way down. Each had hundreds of buds, which, as they reached the ground, burst into leaves and flowers in dense profusion—here a thread of blue, here of red, here of white, which, mingling with the golden trellis, produced a charming effect. The ground, which had been rough and stony, smoothed itself into stripes of silver sand. The stones became precious ones of all colours, and ranged themselves along the stripes of silver, making beautiful, shining walks. In the plotsbetween the walks, the most lovely grass appeared, soft and delicate, like velvet; and from each there rose a crystal fountain, playing waters of different bright colours; while all around richly laden fruit-trees sprang up, with many splendid-coloured birds on the branches, which began to fly in all directions, whistling and singing most sweetly. All this time the mist remained round the old woman, only turning to a beautiful rose colour. When the fountains and trees were rising, the boys gazed in wonder and delight. Ranulf proposed to pluck some fruit and eat it, but Norval said they must not do that without leave. Presently the rose-coloured mist began to get thin, and, clearing away, they saw a beautiful form appearing—a regular real fairy, standing perfectly still in the middle of the canopy, shining so bright that though everything else was beautiful, she was the loveliest of all, as she stood in the midst of a bouquet of flowers formed of glittering jewels. For there was a bright shining in her face that outshone all else—a something sobeaming, so winning, so unlike anything to be seen in the world of every day, that you must just try to think of what cannot be thought of, before you will get any idea of it. Her robe was dazzling white, and the swan-like neck and rounded arms vied in delicate beauty with the strings of gorgeous pearls that formed the only sleeves of her shining dress. The slender waist was circled by a band of glittering precious stones, and her skirt, falling to the knee, was one blaze of silver light, the fringe at the edge sparkling with brilliants. A tiara of diamonds crowned her head, and lovely golden hair hung below her waist.
MANNERS.
Jaques’ mouth and eyes opened wide, and Ranulf showed two large dimples in his cheeks as these wonders came to view. Norval was the first to remember what he was about, and said, “Come along, boys; we must go and shake hands, you know, and say, How do you do?” So they all went forward. As they came near, a lovely smile broke over the fairy’s face, and she held out her hand, saying, “I am so glad tosee you, dear boys; and still more to see that you know how to behave like little gentlemen.” Her voice was clear as a silver bell, and her hand very curious to touch, but so nice. She went on, as she stooped down and smoothed Ranulf’s hair, “You will see every day the advantage of being good and brave. Do you know what would have happened if you had not helped me, when I was the old woman?”
BELLE FROM BELDAM.
“Oh, but you couldn’t be the old woman,” said Ranulf, looking up admiringly in her face.
“Indeed I was, dear,” said she; “I just wanted to see whether you were unselfish, kind boys, so made myself very ugly and ridiculous. But do you know what would have happened if you had not picked me up?”
“No-o-o-o,” said they all, shaking their heads.
“My servants would have whirled you back faster than you came, and dropped you on the rug again.”
“What servants do you mean, please?” said Jaques; “we didn’t see any.”
LIKE A BIRD.
“I will show you,” said the fairy, giving a light bound to the ground, and walking across towards the bicycles, which were modestly standing at one side of the bower. She had shoes of transparent glass, with buckles of lovely sapphire; but what astonished the boys most was, that the glass was not stiff, but obeyed the movement of her beautiful feet, so that her motion was splendid, the foot curving gracefully down as she stepped, reminding the boys of one of the large stately-moving birds they had seen at the Zoological Gardens. They gazed at her in amazement, as she smoothly glided; and she, observing their surprise, said, smiling—
“So you admire my shoes. I get them from the same man who supplied my sister fairy with those she gave to Cinderella. He’s the very best maker in Fairyland.”
A PAGE OF PAGES.
As she came near the bicycles, the little men made their bow as they had done to the boys, and then raising themselves off the ground, whisked round two or three times in the air,as if in great delight. The fairy tapped each of them with her wand, and at once they became handsome pages, older and bigger than Norval, dressed in dark-blue doublets and velvet caps, with pretty ruffs round their necks that looked transparent like glass; and, with their light-blue tights and silver shoes, they were very smart. Each stood leaning on the great gold wheel, which was all that remained of the bicycles.
“Oh,” said Jaques, “we didn’t know they were real; we half thought they were only funny machines like men,”—and turning to the other boys, added, “Must not we say ‘Thank you’ to them for all their trouble?”
“Of course,” said Norval; and each went up to his own page, and said, “Thank you very much.”
“That’s right,” said the fairy; and the pages smiled and made a bow—just an ordinary bow, not whirling round as they had done before, for, of course, pages cannot turn over of themselves.
DINNER IS SERVED.
“And now you must be hungry, dears, after your long journey,” said the fairy, giving a gracefulwave of her hand towards the three pages. In an instant they were down on one knee with the golden wheels supported on their heads, like three lovely Dresden-china art tables, while their caps, which they tossed on the ground, grew and shaped themselves into silver stools. And how it came about the boys never could make out, but there was a neat little dinner laid out on the top of each wheel; and still more curious, each boy had his own favourite dish, only nicer to look at and better to taste than they had ever had it before. While they feasted, low strains of music sounded sweetly through the air, and a chorus of many voices, clear as the crystal brook, but gentle as its murmur, sang[1]—
GOOD ADVICE.
1.“Boys of earth, be brave, be true,Linger not at vice’s call;Cords of love are drawing you,Chains that guide but not enthral.Break them not, their fragile linesDraw with strength the willing heartTo the life that ever shines;Angels weep to see them part.2.Let the cords of love entwineRound the heart-strings day by day;Let the threads of silver shine,Guiding by the narrow way.Watch, lest thorns of pleasure’s bowerTangle in their tender strands;Guard, lest Mammon’s subtle power,Fray and loose their gentle bands.3.Worldling’s life is love’s decay,Pleasure’s slave hath joyless end;Squander not life’s fleeting dayIn the paths that downward tend.Follow truth and yield to love,Bravely keep the narrow way;Truth shall greet you from above,Love shall bring to endless day.4.Truth and love endure for aye,Silver love in truth shall hide,Golden truth for love doth stay—Truth the bridegroom, love the bride;Sun’s strong beam to moon’s soft ray,Truth and mercy met in one,Blend in everlasting day,And again the work is done.”
1.“Boys of earth, be brave, be true,Linger not at vice’s call;Cords of love are drawing you,Chains that guide but not enthral.Break them not, their fragile linesDraw with strength the willing heartTo the life that ever shines;Angels weep to see them part.2.Let the cords of love entwineRound the heart-strings day by day;Let the threads of silver shine,Guiding by the narrow way.Watch, lest thorns of pleasure’s bowerTangle in their tender strands;Guard, lest Mammon’s subtle power,Fray and loose their gentle bands.3.Worldling’s life is love’s decay,Pleasure’s slave hath joyless end;Squander not life’s fleeting dayIn the paths that downward tend.Follow truth and yield to love,Bravely keep the narrow way;Truth shall greet you from above,Love shall bring to endless day.4.Truth and love endure for aye,Silver love in truth shall hide,Golden truth for love doth stay—Truth the bridegroom, love the bride;Sun’s strong beam to moon’s soft ray,Truth and mercy met in one,Blend in everlasting day,And again the work is done.”
1.
1.
“Boys of earth, be brave, be true,Linger not at vice’s call;Cords of love are drawing you,Chains that guide but not enthral.Break them not, their fragile linesDraw with strength the willing heartTo the life that ever shines;Angels weep to see them part.
“Boys of earth, be brave, be true,
Linger not at vice’s call;
Cords of love are drawing you,
Chains that guide but not enthral.
Break them not, their fragile lines
Draw with strength the willing heart
To the life that ever shines;
Angels weep to see them part.
2.
2.
Let the cords of love entwineRound the heart-strings day by day;Let the threads of silver shine,Guiding by the narrow way.Watch, lest thorns of pleasure’s bowerTangle in their tender strands;Guard, lest Mammon’s subtle power,Fray and loose their gentle bands.
Let the cords of love entwine
Round the heart-strings day by day;
Let the threads of silver shine,
Guiding by the narrow way.
Watch, lest thorns of pleasure’s bower
Tangle in their tender strands;
Guard, lest Mammon’s subtle power,
Fray and loose their gentle bands.
3.
3.
Worldling’s life is love’s decay,Pleasure’s slave hath joyless end;Squander not life’s fleeting dayIn the paths that downward tend.Follow truth and yield to love,Bravely keep the narrow way;Truth shall greet you from above,Love shall bring to endless day.
Worldling’s life is love’s decay,
Pleasure’s slave hath joyless end;
Squander not life’s fleeting day
In the paths that downward tend.
Follow truth and yield to love,
Bravely keep the narrow way;
Truth shall greet you from above,
Love shall bring to endless day.
4.
4.
Truth and love endure for aye,Silver love in truth shall hide,Golden truth for love doth stay—Truth the bridegroom, love the bride;Sun’s strong beam to moon’s soft ray,Truth and mercy met in one,Blend in everlasting day,And again the work is done.”
Truth and love endure for aye,
Silver love in truth shall hide,
Golden truth for love doth stay—
Truth the bridegroom, love the bride;
Sun’s strong beam to moon’s soft ray,
Truth and mercy met in one,
Blend in everlasting day,
And again the work is done.”
When the boys had dined, which they did with exceptional ease, as their knives and forks did not require to be handled, but performed their work neatly and deftly of themselves; and when the table-napkins had unfolded themselves, and touched their lips with deliciously scented water, the last strains of the song died away; and the fairy, who had herself sung the final verse in tones most winning, so that the boys had crept close to her, nestling under the caress of her arms, stooped down and kissed them tenderly.
WHERE NEXT?
“And now,” said she, “I know you want some fun, and quite right too. Those who go steadily in the right road are well entitled to a little diversion, and can enjoy it better than the boys who choose crooked paths. Now, where would you like to go?”
WONDERFUL BLUNDER.
“Oh,” said Norval, “we have a pass from Alice to let us into Wonderland.”
“Ah! Alice; I have heard of her, or rather I’ve heard her. She was the little girl that grew so big, was she not?”
“Yes.”
“Well, when she got big, her voice got big too, and it was heard all over Fairyland.”
“But are there more places than one in your country?” asked Norval.
“Oh yes, dear, of course there are; we have Elfland, and Bogieland, and Spriteland, and Wonderland, and Blunderland, and many others. But let me see your pass.”
Norval produced it from his pocket.
“Why,” said the fairy, “this is not for Wonderland; it’s for Blunderland.”
And so it was, beyond all doubt, as may be seen by looking at this copy, faithfully and literally taken from the original writing:—
A PRETTY PASS.
Addmit the b. / arers to / Blunderland / _Alice_
“Oh, how stupid!” said Norval. “When I was writing it I said to myself, I will try not to make any blunder in spelling; and I must have written Blunder from thinking of it. What are we to do?”
“Never mind,” said the fairy; “there is plenty of good fun to be got in Blunderland, and you may just as well go there as anywhere else. So now good-bye, and I hope you will enjoy yourselves.”
PLACE AUX DAMES.
Once more the lovely hand was waved—this time the arm in its graceful curve taking in every part of the palace of gold and flowers—when instantly a thousand fairies stood in one vast circle around, and gracefully bent low before theirqueen. Then with a bound each took her place opposite one of the trellises of the bower, standing with the right foot pointed, and waited for the signal to begin the dance.
BELLES AND BELLS.
STARRING IT.
The queen, with many a graceful turn, circled round the glittering ring of dazzling fairy brightness, waving one hand outwards to this fairy and the other inwards to that; and though there were a thousand of them, and she thus, in soft floating dance, went round all, yet it seemed to be done almost in the time that the eye could follow her; then with a bound she once more stood in the centre of the great bouquet, and having slowly drooped in a deep long curtsey, acknowledging the reverence of her subjects, sprang to her full height on tiptoe, and threw her hand above her head, holding a rose that she had worn at her breast, which burst out into the form of a star, scintillating with light of most dazzling brilliancy. This was the signal,—and in a moment, ching, ching, ching, ringa, ringa, ring, went the million little silver bells upon the skirts of the fairies, asthey floated in graceful measure hand in hand. Then each laying hold on one of the supports of the dome, they raised it up, and danced round, carrying the canopy with all its myriads of flowers with them, faster and ever faster, till the eye could scarce follow the ever-shifting shades of dazzling colour,—the light from the queen’s hand, varying ever and anon, changing the whole scene from dazzling brightness to crimson glow, from green gold of sunset to soft purple of fading twilight.
The boys stood gazing in mute wonder and delight at the graceful motion of the queen and her fairies, having never seen any dancing but at a ball at home, where people rushed about, elbows meeting ribs, and strips of tulle and tarlatan torn and scattered about; or at a spectacle, where a pantomime fairy seemed trying to jerk off her shoes.
GOOD-BYE.
Presently the rapid thrilling ching-a-ring of the bells—through whose chiming a melody not to be described, but wonderful in its sweetness,caught the ear—became slower, the fairies to whom the queen had waved her hand outwards turned round, facing those to whom she had waved inwards; and out and in they glided, ever faster and faster, the trellis-work of the canopy unplaiting as they went, till the last crossing being undone, the fairies ranged themselves on opposite sides, the bars making one long, brilliant, golden-arched bower, the end of which seemed small in the far distance. Then the queen, with a merry smile that had something half-roguish in it, kissed her hand once more to the boys, saying—
“Remember!Brave and True;”
and before they had time to think what was going to happen, the bouquet shaped itself into a magnificent chariot, the three golden wheels set themselves one in front and one at each side, the pages sprang up behind, and gliding like a flash down the golden bower, the chariot was lost to view.
A SIGNAL SURPRISE.
The boys were just going to set off running after it, when a tremendous
WHEEEEEEUuuuuuu-UGH
sounded from an approaching train, the station bell rang close to their ears, and a gruff voice above them shouted, “Train for Whackbury, Flogland, Dunbrown, Sillybilly, and Blundertown.” Not that it sounded like this, for it was spoken precisely as on all railways at home, and sounded just
“Train frwabryflugglindenbrunnsilblunblurtun.”
EYE READY.
But that matters as little on fairy railroads as elsewhere. When the boys looked up they saw that the voice came from a policeman, about as tall as a three-storey house, and no thicker than a Maypole, standing with his arms sticking straight out, and who had an extra eye to safety, blazing red, both in front and at the back of his head. Just as they looked up, one armflopped down to a slant, and an eye winked funnily from red to green, so that he was a caution to look at. The train now appeared dashing out of the tunnel (golden and bright no longer), going so fast that the boys thoughtit must pass the station, and were horrified when they saw the porters busily throwing down a quantity of black things like two-foot-long tadpoles on to the rails, and then, a little further on, a big, round, black ball.
STOP THESE BUFFERS.
“What’s that for?” said Jaques.
“Well, them’s stops. We goes about as fast as thought, so we checks and pulls our trains up the same way as they do trains of thought, with commas and colons.”
And sure enough the train, after crashing through the commas, came to a stand just as two funny little buffers, whose heads stuck out in front of the engine, seemed on the point of being black-balled by the full stop. It is true that the commas seemed not to be placed with any care, but just dropped down on the lines anyhow; still in this the system varied in no way from the mode in which commas are scattered about the lines of other great works as well as railways. In fact it seems to be the rule, that commas come as they like; and if they come upside down theycan bring any amount of material to one work from another—a new proof that one of the greatest powers of the age is commars.
A BLOWING UP.
As the train came to a standstill, the policeman’s eye winked suddenly back from green to red, and his arm flew up again, while he shouted—
“Smash’ll, smash’ll, smash’ll.”
“Change furcrotnchipucklgublboranquklin;”
by which he meant, “Change for Crowtown, Cheepcackle, Gobbleboro’, and Quackland.”
The boys’ attention was called to the engine, by the station-master coming up in a rage to the driver, and stamping his foot on the ground, shouting, “Here’s the ninth day this week that you have come in punctually, when you know that it is against the rules. You must have a blowing up.”
“All right, sir,” said the driver, meekly; and mounting the engine, he quietly took his seat upon the safety-valve.
ANOTHER.
The boys, who had bought a little steam-enginewith the savings of pocket-money carefully hoarded for many months, knew something of the danger of this proceeding from the printed directions sent with their engine, and Norval cried out, “Oh, don’t do that, or there will be a burst!”
“All right, little un,” said the driver, “it’ll get me hup in the world.”
As he spoke he was shot into the air as high as the tall policeman’s head, and the boys shut their eyes in horror, thinking he must be killed. But on opening them again, to their surprise they saw him at his post, quietly buttering a piece of bread with wheel-grease, and taking a drink out of the engine’s oil-can.
“Are you not hurt?” asked Jaques, anxiously.
“Yes, ’urt in my feelin’s. It’s wery ’ard hafter getting so ’igh to have to come down to this agin; but we must take things has they comes or goes,has the man said when ’is ’ead flew hoff on bein’ axed to do so.”