Editor’s Scrap Book
Editor’s Scrap Book
FIRSTBASEBALLPLAYER: Did you go to Shortstop’s wedding to-day?
SECONDBASEBALLPLAYER: Of course I did.
FIRSTBASEBALLPLAYER: How did it come off?
SECONDBASEBALLPLAYER: Declared a tie.—Once a Week.
A CAPECODfisherman calls his boat “The Kiss,” because it is nothing but a smack.—Puck.
MANYlarge wagers are chronicled from time to time, but Queen Elizabeth still remains the greatest Bet in history.—Exchange.
DEALER(to clerk): I’m going to make those boys’ diagonal suits fifteen dollars to-morrow.
CLERK: Fifteen dollars! Why, we’ve been selling them for ten dollars right along.
DEALER: I know it; but I’m going to give away a baseball bat with each one of them free of charge.—Detroit Free Press.
LADY(to negro cook): Can you poach eggs, Sambo?
SAMBO: ’Deed I kin, missy, when dey grows up.—Time.
CHOLLY: I say, Binx, did you ever witness a burial at sea?
BINX: No, never saw a burial, but we had a wake behind us all the way over last trip.—Harper’s Bazar.
“WHAT’Sup, Billy?”
“Fut ball.”
“Well, ’fore I’d set up there in the cold watchin’ a lot of fellers kick a ball up—”
“Ain’t watchin’ em kick no ball up; watchin’ of ’em kick each other down!”—Harper’s Weekly.
ALOSTcurve in baseball—the Arc that Noah pitched.—Puck.
“WELL, Tompkins, how did you come out at the last race meeting?” asked a traveling man of a friend.
“As nearly as I can figure it, I came out about $1,500 ahead.”
“Fifteen hundred! That’s not bad. What horses did you back?”
“None. I had about $1,500 with me that I did not bet.”—Merchant Traveler.
“WHATshall I play?” asked a meek-looking newly-appointed organist, of a parson of a rather festive turn of mind when off duty.
“That depends on the kind of a hand you have,” responded his reverence, in the most innocent manner.
THEman who is wild on the subject of yachting is an ultra-marine.—Puck.
SPIRITSprobably walk about for exorcise.—Life.
THEyellow dog contemplates with satisfaction the advance in the price of tin cans. It’s an ill wind that blows nobody good.—Life.
DOyou ever bet on the races, stranger?” he asked, as the boat approached Bay Ridge.
“I used to, but it cost me too much money.”
“You are a business man, I suppose?”
“Yes, sir; I sell ‘tips.’ I can give you a sure ten-to-one winner, to-day—only twenty-five cents.”—Time.
REFLECTIONS OF A CAT.
THEnicest bed is a pan of rising bread.
The old maid is the cat’s good Samaritan.
If it wasn’t for the rat I would be an outcast.
I think I have a pretty nose when it isn’t scratched.
The oven was about the hottest place I was ever in.
I am blamed for a great many things the girl breaks.
In all my experience I never yet saw a cat hit with a bootjack.
Every cat that gets on our back fence doesn’t come to see me.
When people go to sit down they never see I am asleep in the chair.
When I can’t get the ribbon off my neck I try to drag it in the dirt.
If I hadn’t talons the small boy would find no fun in pulling my tail.
The sailor is the only one who would sooner have a rat than a cat around.
The missis and I can never agree as to the place where I shall bring up my kittens.
Missis used to leave me only one kitten until after she had twins herself, and then she left me two.—Judge.