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WHEREASa most abominable GANG, have caused to be published and promulgated throughout the Nation a description of the infirmities and necessities of our nature, of which decorum forbids the mention; and also gross and inflaming allusions to the intercourse between the sexes, and wanton and shocking exposures relating thereto; to the destruction of youthful innocence, to the shame and disgust of matron modesty, and to the horror of all heads of families: it is therefore proposed to call an immediate MEETING, for the purpose of considering the best mode of preventing an increase of this dreadful contamination, and of securing the ringleaders of the Conspiracy, and bringing them to condign punishment.
TO CONTRACTORS.—Persons willing to supply this Establishment with CAST-IRON REPEATERS, having duplex Movements, according to the Working Models now in use as above, may send in Sealed Tenders, stating the number they can instantly supply for immediate use, and the price thereof at per hundred.
THE old Hackney, Liverpool, who lately lost his paces, isglandered,gone blind, got cruel vicious, tried to kick his mistress's brains out, shattered himself to nothing, and is expected to go down with the staggers. Any body who thinks it worth while to send adragto the Stable yard may have him for fetching.
A STOUT ABLE-BODIED IRISHMAN, for a long time a master hand at mangling; when he begins there is no stopping him, and never tires. Can fold and smooth, and double and iron, all day. Will turn with any body. Was formerly a master in Dublin, where his mangling will never be forgotten. His Character may be had of any body there. Is very smooth spoken, of good address, looks like an upper Valet, and is a perfect devil at his Work. May be heard of at the Triangle in the Bird-cage Walk.
AN old Woman accustomed to coarse things; and work, however filthy, never comes amiss. Where she is now they find her inruin, and she finds dishclouts; but is leaving, being almost poisoned by printers' ink. To save trouble, will have nothing to do with cleaning the House. Is used to ironing, and putting by, in any quantities, and never tires at hanging up. Can have an undeniable Character from the Rev. Mr. Hay, and the Recorder of London.
INInfirm Elderly Gentleman in a Public Office, lately left his home, just after dreadfully ill-using his wife about half a Crown, and trying to beat her. He had long complained a great deal of his forehead, and lately had a leech put upon him. He was last seen walking swiftly towards the Horns without a Crown to his hat, accompanied by some evil disposed persons, who tied a great green bag to his tail full of crackers, which he mistook for sweetmeats, and burnt himself dreadfully. Every person he met in this deplorable condition tried to persuade him to go back, but in vain. He is very deaf and very obstinate, and cannot bear to be looked at or spoken to. It is supposed that he has been seduced and carried off by some artful female. He may be easily known by his manners. He fancies himself the politest man in Europe, because he knows how to bow, and to offer a pinch of snuff; and thinks himself the greatest man in Europe, because people have humoured him and let him have his own way. He is so fond of tailoring, that he lately began a suit that will take him his life to complete. He delights in playing at soldiers, supposes himself a cavalry officer, and makes speeches, that others write for him, in a field marshal's uniform. Sometimes he fancies himself 'Glorious Apollo,' plays;Hailstones of Brunswick' on the base fiddle, and qualifies his frieuds to perform 'Cuckolds all on a row.' His concerns are very much deranged. Not long ago he imported a vast quantity of Italian images at enormous prices, upon credit, and hoarded them up in a waterside cotton warehouse. Since then, things have gone all against him, and he has been in a very desponding state. It is of the utmost consequence to himself that he should be at his post, or he may lose his place; one of his predecessors some time ago having been cashiered for his misconduct. If this should meet his eye, it is earnestly requested that he will return to his duty, and he will be kindly received and no questions asked.
N. B. He has not a friend in the world except the advertiser and a few others, who never had an opportunity of speaking to him and letting him know the real state of his affairs.
1st September, 1820. "WHEREASthat well known old established Public House, (formerly afreehouse) called the Political House that Jack built, has been feloniously entered into and damaged, and the property therein carried off to a large amount, by a numerous gang of desperate Villains, who, by various vile arts and contrivances, have not only kept possession thereof, but also of the Head Waiter, who was intrusted by Mr. Bull, the owner, with the management of the concern, and was a very promising young man when Mr. Bull first knew him, and might have done very well if he had followed the advice of his old friends, and not suffered these desperadoes to get him into their clutches; since when he seems to have forgotten himself, and by neglecting his duty sadly, and behaving ill to the customers who support the House, has almost ruined the Business, and has also dreadfully injured the Sign, which Mr. Bull had had fresh painted after he dismissed a former waiter for his bad manners. Whoever will assist Mr. Bull in bringing the offenders to Justice, will be doing a great service to the young man, and he will still be retained in his situation, unless he has actually destroyed or made away with the Sign, which Mr. Bull very much admires, it being aheir-loom. If offered to be pawned or sold it is requested the parties may be stopped, and notice given as above. As the young man has not been seen for some time, there is no doubt the ruffians have either done him a serious mischief, or secreted him somewhere to prevent Mr. Bull, who is really his friend, from speaking to him.
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"What are you at? what are you after?"
The End.
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By The Author Of The Political House That Jack Built.
With Twenty-Four Cuts.
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"The putrid and mouldering carcase of exploded Legitimacy."
Ladiesand Gentlemen,
Walk up! walk up! and see the Curiosities and Creatures—allalive! alive O! Walk up I—now's your time!—only a shilling. Please to walk up!
Here is the strangest and most wonderful artificial Cabinet in Europe!—made of nothing—but lacker'd brass, turnery, and papier mâche—all fret work and varnish, held together by steel points!—very crazy, but very curious!
Please to walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen—it's well worth seeing! here are the most wonderful of all wonderful Living Animals. 'Jake care! Don't go within their reach-they mind nobody but me! A short time ago they got loose, and, with some other vermin that came from their holes and corners, desperately attacked a Lady of Quality; but, as luck would have it, I, and my (four and twenty men,' happened to come in at the very moment;—we 'pull'd' away, and prevented'em from doing her a serious mischief. Though they look tame, their vicious dispositions are unchanged. If any thing was to happen to me, they'd soon break out again, and shew their natural ferocity, i'm in continual danger from'em myself—for if I didn't watch'em closely they'd destroy me. As the clown says, 'there never was such times,'—so there's no telling what tricks they may play yet.
Ladies and Gentlemen,—these animals have been exhibited at Court, before the King, and all the Royal Family! Indeed His Majesty is so fond of'em that he often sees'em in private, and feeds'em; and he is so diverted by'em that he has been pleased to express his gracious approbation of all their motions. But they're as cunning as the old one himself! Bless you, he does not know a thousandth part of their tricks. You, Ladies and Gentlemen, may see'em just as they are!—the Beasts and Reptiles—all alive! alive O! and the Big Boo by—all a-light! a-light O!
Walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen! walk in! just a-going to begin.—Stir'em up! Stir'em up there with the long pole!
Before I describe the Animals, please to look at the Show-Cloth opposite:
The Curiosities have labels under them, which the company can read.
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THE TRANSPARENCY, of which this is a copy, was exhibited by WILLIAM HONE duriNg the ILLUMINATION commencing on the 11th, and ending on the 15th of November, 1820,in celebration of the VICTORY obtained by ThE PRESS, or the LIBERTIES OF THE PEOPLE, which had been assailed in the Person of The Queen: The words "TRIUMPH OF THE PRESS," being displayed in variegated lamps as a motto above it. On the 26th, when The Queen went 10 St. Paul's, it was again exhibited with Lord Bacon's immortal words, "KNOWLEDGE IS POWER," displayed in like manner.—'The Transparency was painted by Mr. GEORGE CRUIKSHANK.
—COURT VERMIN that buzz roundAnd fly-blow the King's ear; make him suspectHis wisest, faithfullest, best counsellors—Who, for themselves and their dependants, seizeAll places, and all profits; and -who wrest,To their own ends, the statutes of the land,Or safely break them.Southey's Joan of Arc.
To exalt virtue, expose vice, promote truth, and help men toserious reflection, is my first moving cause and lastdirected.De Foe's Review, Preface.——Oh that I daredTo basket up the family of plaguesThat waste our vitals; peculation, saleOf honour, peijury, corruptiou, fraudsBy forgery, by subterfuge of law,By tricks and lies—-Then cast them, closely bundled, every bratAt the right door!Cowper.
"JUGLATOR REGIS." Strutt's Sports
—-a most officious Drudge,His face and gown drawn out with the same budge,His pendant Pouch, which is both large and wide,Looks like a Letters-patent:———He is as avful, as he had been sentFrom Moses with the eleventh commandement.Corbet's Poems, 1672, p. 3.
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BAGS.—(a Scruple Balance.)
——-'tis the veriest madness, to live poor,And die withBags——Gifford's Juvenal, Sat. xiv.Dubius is such ascrupulousgood man.—Yes—you may catch him tripping, if you can!He would not, with a peremptory tone,Assert the nose upon his face his own.With hesitation, admirably slow,He humbly hopes—presumes—it may be so.Through constant dread of giving truth offence,He ties up all his hearers in suspense!His sole opinion, whatsoe'er befall,Cent'ring, at last, in having—none at all.Cowper.
Well! he is animblegentleman; set him upon Bankes, his horse, in a saddle rampant, and it is a great question, which part of the Centaur shews better tricks.
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Ladies and Gentlemen,
I begin the Exhibition with the Crocodile, which is of the Lizard tribe ; yet, from hisfacility of creeping through narrow and intricate ways,he has been classed among Serpents. * He has a monstrous appetite, hisswallowis immense, and his legs are placedside-ways. It is a vulgar error to suppose that he cannotturn; for, although he is in appearance very heavy, and his back is very strong, and proof against the hardest blows, yet he is sopliable, that he canwheelround with the utmost facility. When in his haunt, and apparently torpid, he sometimes utters a piteouswhineof distress—almost human;sheds tears, and, attracting the unwary, suddenly darts upon a man, and gorges him with all he has. Hisclawsare very long and tenacious. If a victim eludes his grasp, he infallibly secures him by his fleet power. He is sometimes used for purposes ofstate and show, and his bags are much coveted for theirpeculiarqualities. **
* By Linnaeus.** Goldsmith's Animated Nature, v. 283.
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A MASK.—(an Incrustation—a Relique.)
A shallow brain behind a serious mask,An oracle within an empty cask,A solemn fop.——A sooty Film.Cowper.—————The Thing on EarthLeast qualified in honour, learning, worth,To occupy a sacred, awful post,In which the best and worthiest tremble most.The royal letters are a thing of course,A King, that would, might recommend his horse;And deans, no doubt, and chapters, with one voice,As bound in duty, would confirm the choice.****A piece of mere Church-furniture at best.
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Ladies and Gentlemen,
The Locust is a destructive insect, of the Grillus tribe. They are so numerous, and so rapacious, that they may be compared to an army, pursuing its march to devour the fruits of the earth, as an instrument ofdivine displeasuretowards a devoted country. They have leaders, who direct their motions in preying on the labours of manin fertile regions. No insect is more formidable in places where they breed: for theywitherwhatever theytouch. It is impossible to recount theterrible devastationswhich historians and travellers relate that they have committed at different times, in various parts of the world. Many are sovenomous, that personshandlingthem are immediately stung, and seized with shivering and trembling; but it has been discovered that, in most cases, their hateful qualities are completely assuaged bypalmoil.*
* Goldsmith, vi. 21.
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Ladies and Gentlemen,
The Scorpion is a reptile that resembles thecommon lobster, but is much more hideous. They are very terrible to mankind, on account of their size and malignity, and their largecrooked stings. They often assault and kill people in their houses. In Italy, and some other parts of Europe, they are the greatest pests of mankind; but their venom is most dreadful in theEast. An inferior species sally forth at certain seasons, in battalions;—scale houses that stand in the way of their march;—wind along the course of rivers;—and on their retreat entrench themselves. Scorpions are so irascible, that they will attempt to sting aconstable's staff; yet even a harmless little mouse * destroyed three of them,one after the other, by acting on thedefensive, survived their venomous wounds, and seemed pleased with its victory. When in a confined space, they exert all their rage against each other, and there is nothing to be seen but universal carnage. If this mutual destruction did not prevail, they would multiply so fast as to render some countries uninhabitable. **
* Confined for the sake of experiment in a vessel, byMaupertuis.** Goldsmith, v. 428.
THE LOBSTER.——they preferreBroiles before Rest, and place their Peace in Warre.Du Bartas
Ladies and Gentlemen,
The Lobster is very similar to the scorpion. It isarmedwithtwogreatclaws, by the help of which it moves itselfforwards. Theyentrenchthemselves in places that can be easily defended, where they acquire defensive and offensivearmour. They issue forth from theirfortressesin hope ofplunder, and to surprise such inadvertent and weak animals as come within their reach. They have little to apprehend except from each other, the more powerful being formidable enemies to the weaker. They sometimes continue in the same habitations for a long time together; in general they getnew coats once a year. When inhot waterthey make a great noise, attack any one that puts a hand towards them, and knowing their danger, use violent efforts to escape. In a sufficient heat theychange their colours.*
* Goldsmith, v. 163.
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(From the Westminster Infirmary—Upper Ward).
He fondly 'imitates' that wondrous Lad,That durst assay the sun's bright flaming team;Spite of whose feeble hands, the horses madFling down on burning earth the scorching beam;—So madethe flame in which himself wasfired;The World the bonfire was—whenheexpired!*Like him of Ephesus, he had what he desired.Fletcher's Purple Island.* The 'Lad' died in the midst of war, ejaculating heaven tosave the country from the miseries of his system of misrule.
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Ladies and Gentlemen,
This is aquick climbinganimal; but is, in other respects,heavyand helpless. When it is pursued onlevel groundand overtaken, it feigns itself dead, to deceive the hunters. A faculty in itsseat, enables it to suspend itself from a high branch, by that part, for a long time together; and, in this position, watching for whatever is weak that comes within its reach, it falls upon it and usually destroys it. By this elevating power in itsnether end, it not only seizes its prey more securely, but preserves itself from pursuers: looking down on them, in a sort ofuprightposition, heels upwards. It is very domesticated, but proves a disagreeable inmate, from itsscent; which, however fragrant insmallquantities, is uniformly ungrateful whencopiouslysupplied.It is a boroughing creature. *
* Goldsmith, iii. 322 Stedman Shaw's Zoology
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——Knaves, who, in truth's despite,Can white to black transform, and black to white!Gifford's Juvenal, Sat. iii.
When they were fewer, men might have had a Lordship safely conveyed to them in a piece of parchment no bigger than your hand, though several sheets will not do it safely in this wiser age.—Walton's Angler
They'll argue as confidently as if they spoke gospel instead of law; they'll cite you six hundred several Precedents, though not one of them come near to the case in hand; they'll muster up the authority of Judgments, Deeds, Glosses, and Reports, and tumble over so many dusty Records, that they make their employ, though in itself easy, the greatest slavery imaginable; always accounting that the best plea which they have took most pains for.—Erasmus of Folly, 96.
In other countries, they make laws upon laws and add precepts upon precepts, till the endless number of them makes the fundamental part to be forgotten; leaving nothing but a confused heap of explanations, which may cause ignorant people to doubt whether there is really any thin» meant by the laws or not.—Berkeley's Gaudentio di Lucca, 166.
In the country of the Furr'd Law-cats, they gripe all, devour all, cooskite all, burn all, draw all, hang all, quarter all, behead all, murder all, imprison all, waste all, and ruin all, without the least notice of right or wrong: for among them vice is called virtue; wickedness, piety; treason, loyalty; robbery, justice: Plunder is their motto; and all this they do, because they dare. Gripe-men-all, the Chief of the Purr'd Law-cats, said to Pantagruel 'Our Laws are like cobwebs; your silly little flies are stopt, caught, and destroy'd therein, but your stronger ones Break them, and force and carry them which way they please. Don't think we are so mad as to set up our nets tc snap up your great Robbers aod tyrants: no, they are somewhat too hard for us, there's no meddllng with them; for they will make no more of us, than we make of the little ones.'— Rabelais, b. v. c. xi. xii.
BLACK RATS.—(Stuffed.)
Ladies and Gentlemen,
These are most pernicious animals. They borough, and prey on our food, drink, clothing, furniture, live-stock, and every convenience of life; furnishing their residences with the plunder of our property. They have particular haunts, to which they entice each other in large numbers, for the sake ofprey; where they often do incredible damage to ourmounds, and undermine the strongestembankments. Sometimes they hoard their plunder innests, that they make at a distance from their usualplaces of congregating. * They are very bold and fierce. Instead of waiting for an attack, they usually become the aggressors, and,seizing their adversaries by the lips, inflict dangerous, and even deadly wounds. While they subsist on our industry, and increase our terrors, they make no grateful returns, and, therefore, mankind have studied various ways for diminishing their numbers; but theircunningdiscovers the most distant danger, and if any are disturbed or attacked, in an unusual manner, the rest take the alarm, and, becoming exceedingly shy, and wary, elude the most ingenious devices of their pursuers. When, unhappily, you come in contact with one of thesevermin, the best way of dispatching it is by a single squeeze; but novices who hesitate, are sure to prove sufferers. They have been found on a bench, sointerwovenby their tails, thatby reason of their entanglement, they could not part. ** A dead rat,by altering the look of his head and the appearance of his skin, may be transformed into the appearance of a much morepowerfulanimal; and this, Ladies and Gentlemen,has been considered a master piece in cheating.***
* White's Selborne, 4to. 75.** Letters from Bodleian Library, i. 12.*** Ibid.ii. 160, note. See also Goldsmith, iii. 169.
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A CADGE ANCHOR.—(a Remora—a sucking Fish.)
What have we here? a man or a fish? A Fish: hesmellslike a fish ; a veryancientand fish-like smell; a kind of, not of the newest, Poor John. Were I in England now (as once I was) and had but this fish painted, not a holiday fool there but would give a piece of silver:therewould this monster make a man; anystrange beastthere makes a man. His gabbling voice is to utter foul speeches, and to detract. He is as disproportioned in his manners, as in his shape. As with age his body grows uglier, his mind cankers.
* Caliban.
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Ladies and Gentlemen,
This offensive insect lives instagnantwaters, continually watching for prey. Its feelers resemble the claws of a scorpion; the eyes arehard and prominent, the shouldersbroad and flat. It wastes twenty times as much as its appetite requires; one can destroy thirty or forty of the libellula kind, each as large as itself. It is nevertheless greatly overrun with a small kind of lice, which probably repay the injuries it inflicts elsewhere. At certain seasons it flies todistant watersin search of food; but it remains where it was produced until fully grown, when it sallies forth in search of a companion of the other sex, and soon begets an useless generation.*
* Martyn's Diet. Nat. Hist. 2 vols, Folio, 1785.He that maketh the wound bleed inwards—Gives Liberty the last, the mortal shock;Slips the slave's collar on, and snaps the lock.What is his Character?— A man of amiable Manners— mild and civil.Character of the Murderer of the Man.
I never judge from Manners, for I once had my pocket picked by the civilist gentleman I ever met with; and one of the mildest persons I ever saw was Ali Pacha.—Lord Byron.
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(a Petrified Putrefaction.—a Bloodstone.}
Moral.
I recommend it to all that read this History, that when they find their lives come up, in any degree, to a similitude of cases, they will inquire and ask themselves, is not this the time to repent?—De Foe's Col. Jack, 1723, p. 399
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Ladies and Gentlemen,
This is the most terrible animal in the Collection. Its character is that of decidedenmity to man; it hunts down those who endeavor to regain theirLiberty, and is called theBanDog. When it scents a human victim it follows his track with cruel perseverance, flies upon him with dreadful ferocity, and, unless dragged off, tears and rends the form until every noble feature of humanity is destroyed. It has an exquisite smell for blood. The species vary little throughout the world : there is scarcely any difference between the trans-atlanticSpanishblood-hound and theIrishwolf-dog, whose ferocity has been much diminished by the animal being frequentlycrossed. It is still kept on some of the oldroyal grounds.
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THE DOCTOR.—(a Dejection)
In these days the grand "primum mobile" of England is CANT—Cant political, Cant religious, Cant moral, but always CANT—a thing of words, without the smallest influence upon actions; the English being no wiser, no better, and much poorer, and more divided among themselves, as well as far less moral, than they were before the prevalence of thisVerbal Decorum.—Lord Byron on Mr. Bowles
Diary.—April 1st. I grewmelancholy.—My father lying sick, told me,in syllables, thePhilosopher's stone.—It pleased God to put me inmind that I was now placed in the condition I always desired.—I hungthree spiders about my neck (for a charm).—I kissed the king'shand.—Cotera desunt.—Elias Ashmole's Diary..
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Ladies and Gentlemen,
TheCreatureyou now see is a sort ofNoddyof the Gull kind. Observe his uncouth form and his ludicrously wise looks! He is the most stupid of thefeatheredtribe; yet he has avoraciousappetite, and an enormous swallow. You perceive that he feigns the appearance of beingupright, of seeming to comprehend objects he sees, of listening to what he hears, and that he shakes his head withgravity, as though he had a certain degree of understanding. His greatest pleasure is instanding still.He has not sense enough toget out of People's way; speaking to him or makingmotionsnever disturb him. There is no compelling him to the fatigue ofchanginghis position till he feels ablow; for he keeps his place till he is approached quite close, andknocked down. He is a livingfull stop. When he isforced to walk, which is very seldom, he goes fromside to side. Like others of similar tribes, he boroughs. In this respect the union and affection of theseCreaturestowards each other is wonderful; for, when undisturbed by the encroachments ofmen, they construct theirnestsas convenient as if they expected them to bepermanent; arranging their different places with such an amazing degree of uniformity, as to resemble aregular plantation. Sometimes they draw up side by side, in rank and file, and sit brooding together as if in deep counsel, on affairs of moment—theirsillinessandsolemnityexciting involuntarylaughter!Thisburlesquetakes place, in particular, about
the month ofNovember. The habits of these tribes are known through those who visit the haunts they have forsaken for more obscureretreats, where they canbuild aloft, and settle in theirnestsat ease: a practice which confirms the remark of a great naturalist, that the presence ofmennot only destroys the society of themeaneranimals, but even extinguishes theirgrovellinginstincts. Hitherto the Booby has been considered of no service whatever; yet a similar species, * by drawing a wick through the body and lighting it, is made into acandleS. ** If this Booby could be thus used, theillumination ofboth Houses and the public offices might be speedily effected, and the tribe he belongs to be rendered available to human purposes. At any rate a skilful tallow-chandler might try his hand at converting theCreatureinto A TWOPENNY FLAT