ACTIII.

Enter LordFoppingtonand Servant.

Lord Fop.Hey, Fellow, let the Coach come to the Door.

Serv.Will your Lordship venture so soon to expose yourself to the Weather?

Lord Fop.Sir, I will venture as soon as I can, to expose myself to the Ladies: tho' give me my Cloke, however; for in that Side-bax, what between the Air that comes in at the Door on one side, and the intolerable Warmth of the Masks on t'other, a Man gets so many Heats and Colds, 'twou'd destroy the Canstitution of a Harse.

Ser.[Putting on his Cloke.] I wish your Lordship wou'd please to keep House a little longer, I'm afraid your Honour does not well consider your Wound.

Lord Fop.My Wound!—--I wou'd not be in Eclipse another Day, tho' I had as many Wounds in my Guts as I have had in my Heart.

EnterYoung Fashion.

Young Fash.Brother, your Servant. How do you find yourself to-day?

Lord Fop.So well, that I have arder'd my Coach to the Door: So there's no great Danger of Death this baut,Tam.

Young Fash.I'm very glad of it.

Lord Fop.aside.] That I believe's a Lye. Pr'ythee,Tam, tell me one thing: Did not your Heart cut a Caper up to your Mauth, when you heard I was run thro' the Bady?

Young Fash.Why do you think it shou'd?

Lord Fop.Because I remember mine did so, when I heard my Father was shat thro' the Head?

Young Fash.It then did very ill.

Lord Fop.Pr'ythee, why so?

Young Fash.Because he us'd you very well.

Lord Fop.Well?—naw strike me dumb, he starv'd me. He has let me want a Thausand Women for want of a Thausand Paund.

Young Fash.Then he hindered you from making a great many ill Bargains; for I think no Woman is worth Money, that will take Money.

Lord Fop.If I were a younger Brother, I shou'd think so too.

Young Fash.Why, is it possible you can value a Woman that's to be bought?

Lord Fop.Pr'ythee, why not as well as a Pad-Nag?

Young Fash.Because a Woman has a Heart to dispose of; a Horse has none.

Lord Fop.Look you,Tam, of all things that belang to a Woman, I have an Aversion to her Heart; far when once a Woman has given you her Heart——you can never get rid of the rest of her Bady.

Young Fash.This is strange Doctrine: But pray in your Amours how is it with your own Heart?

Lord Fop.Why, my Heart in my Amours——is like——my Heart aut of my Amours;a la glace. My Bady,Tam, is a Watch; and my Heart is the Pendulumto it; whilst the Finger runs raund to every Hour in the Circle, that still beats the same time.

Young Fash.Then you are seldom much in love?

Lord Fop.Never, Stap my Vitals.

Young Fash.Why then did you make all this Bustle aboutAmanda?

Lord Fop.Because she was a Woman of an insolent Virtue, and I thought myself piqu'd in Honour to debauch her.

Young Fash.Very well. [Aside.] Here's a rare Fellow for you, to have the spending of Five Thousand Pounds a-year. But now for my Business with him. [To Lord Fop.] Brother, tho' I know to talk of Business (especially of Money) is a Theme not quite so entertaining to you as that of the Ladies, my Necessities are such, I hope you'll have patience to hear me.

Lord Fop.The greatness of your Necessities,Tam, is the worst Argument in the Warld far your being patiently heard. I do believe you are going to make a very good Speech, but, strike me dumb, it has the worst beginning of any Speech I have heard this Twelvemonth.

Young Fash.I'm very sorry you think so.

Lord Fop.I do believe thou art. But come, let's know thy Affair quickly; for 'tis a new Play, and I shall be so rumpled and squeezed with pressing thro' the Crawd, to get to my Servant, the Women will think I have lain all Night in my Clothes.

Young Fash.Why then (that I may not be the Author of so great a Misfortune) my Case in a Word is this: The necessary Expences of my Travels have so much exceeded the wretched Income of my Annuity, that I have been forced to mortgage it for Five Hundred Pounds, which is spent; so that unless you are so kind to assist me in redeeming it, I know no Remedy but to take a Purse.

Lord Fop.Why, Faith,Tam——to give you my Sense of the thing, I do think taking a Purse the best Remedy in the Warld; for if you succeed, you are reliev'd that way; if you are taken——you are reliev'd t'other.

Young Fash.I'm glad to see you are in so pleasant a Humour, I hope I shall find the Effects on't.

Lord Fop.Why, do you then really think it a reasonable thing I should give you Five Hundred Paunds?

Young Fash.I do not ask it as a Due, Brother, I am willing to receive it as a Favour.

Lord Fop.Thau art willing to receive it any haw, strike me speechless. But these are damn'd times to give Money in: Taxes are so great, Repairs so exorbitant, Tenants such Rogues, and Perriwigs so dear, that the Devil take me, I'm reduc'd to that extremity in my Cash, I have been farc'd to retrench in that one Article of sweet Pawder, till I have braught it dawn to Five Guineas a Manth. Naw judge,Tam, whether I can spare you Five hundred Paunds?

Young Fash.If you can't, I must starve, that's all, [Aside.] Damn him.

Lord Fop.All I can say is, you should have been a better Husband.

Young Fash.'Oons, if you can't live upon five thousand a-year, how do you think I should do't upon two hundred?

Lord Fop.Don't be in a Passion,Tam; far Passion is the most unbecoming thing in the Warld——to the Face. Look you, I don't love to say any thing to you to make you melancholy; but upon this occasion I must take leave to put you in mind, that a Running Horse does require more Attendance, than a Coach-Horse. Nature has made some difference 'twixt you and I.

Young Fash.Yes, she has made you older. [Aside.] Pox take her.

Lord Fop.That is nat all.Tam.

Young Fash.Why, what is there else?

Lord Fop.[Looking first upon himself, then upon his Brother.]——Ask the Ladies.

Young Fash.Why, thou Essence Bottle, thou Musk-Cat, dost thou then think thou hast any Advantage over me, but what Fortune has given thee?

Lord Fop.I do——stap my Vitals.

Young Fash.Now, by all that's great and powerful, thou art the Prince of Coxcombs.

Lord Fop.Sir——I am praud of being at the Head of so prevailing a Party.

Young Fash.Will nothing then provoke thee?—Draw, Coward.

Lord Fop.Look you,Tam, you know I have always taken you for a mighty dull Fellow, and here is one of the foolishest Plats broke out, that I have seen a long time. Your Paverty makes your Life so burdensome to you, you would provoke me to a Quarrel, in hopes either to slip thro' my Lungs into my Estate, or to get yourself run thro' the Guts, to put an end to your Pain. But I will disappoint you in both your Designs; far with the Temper of a Philasapher, and the Discretion of a Statesman—I will go to the Play with my Sword in my Scabbard.

[ExitLord Fop.

Young Fash.So! Farewel, Snuff-Box. And now, Conscience, I defy thee.Lory!

EnterLory.

Lo.Sir.

Young Fash.Here's rare News,Lory; his Lordship has given me a Pill has purg'd off all my Scruples.

Lo.Then my Heart's at ease again: For I have been in a lamentable Fright, Sir, ever since your Conscience had the Impudence to intrude into your Company.

Young Fash.Be at peace, it will come there no more: My Brother has given it a wring by the Nose, and I have kick'd it down Stairs. So run away to the Inn; get the Horses ready quickly, and bring them to oldCoupler's, without a Moment's Delay.

Lo.Then, Sir, you are going straight about the Fortune.

Young Fash.I am: away; fly,Lory.

Lo.The happiest Day I ever saw. I'm upon the Wing already.

[Exeunt several ways.

EnterLovelessand Servant.

Lov.Is my Wife within?

Ser.No, Sir, she has been gone out this Half-hour.

Lov.'Tis well; leave me.

Solus.

Sure Fate has yet some Business to be done,BeforeAmanda's Heart and mine must rest;Else, why amongst those Legions of her Sex,Which throng the World,Shou'd she pick out for her CompanionThe only one on EarthWhom Nature has endow'd for her undoing?Undoing was't, I said——Who shall undo her?Is not her Empire fix'd? Am I not hers?Did she not rescue me, a groveling Slave,When, chain'd and bound by that black Tyrant Vice,I labour'd in his vilest Drudgery?Did she not ransom me, and set me free?Nay, more:When by my Follies sunkTo a poor tatter'd, despicable Beggar,Did she not lift me up to envy'd Fortune?Give me herself, and all that she possest?Without a Thought of more Return,Than what a poor repenting Heart might make her,Han't she done this? And if she has,Am I not strongly bound to love her for it?To love her—Why, do I not love her then?By Earth and Heaven, I do!Nay, I have Demonstration that I do:For I would sacrifice my Life to serve her.Yet hold——If laying down my LifeBe Demonstration of my Love,What is't I feel in favour ofBerinthia?For shou'd she be in danger, methinks, I cou'd inclineTo risk it for her Service too; and yet I do not love her.How then subsists my Proof?——O, I have found it out.What I would do for one, is Demonstration of my Love;And if I'd do as much for t'other: it there is Demonstrationof my Friendship——Ay——it must be so. I findI'm very much her Friend.—Yet let me ask myself onepuzzling Question more:Whence springs this mighty Friendship all at once?For our Acquaintance is of a later Date. Now Friendship'ssaid to be a Plant of tedious Growth, its Rootcompos'd of tender Fibres, nice in their Taste, cautiousin spreading, check'd with the least Corruption in theSoil, long ere it take, and longer still ere it appear todo so; whilst mine is in a Moment shot so high, and fix'dso fast, it seems beyond the Power of Storms to shake it.I doubt it thrives too fast.

[Musing.

EnterBerinthia.

—Ah, she here!—Nay, then take heed, my Heart, forthere are Dangers towards.

Ber.What makes you look so thoughtful, Sir? I hope you are not ill.

Lov.I was debating, Madam, whether I was so or not; and that was it which made me look so thoughtful.

Ber.Is it then so hard a matter to decide? I thought all People had been acquainted with their own Bodies, tho' few People know their own Minds.

Lov.What if the Distemper, I suspect, be in the Mind?

Ber.Why then I'll undertake to prescribe you a Cure.

Lov.Alas, you undertake you know not what.

Ber.So far at least then allow me to be a Physician.

Lov.Nay, I'll allow you so yet farther: For I have reason to believe, shou'd I put myself into your Hands, you wou'd increase my Distemper.

Ber.Perhaps I might have Reasons from the College not to be too quick in your Cure; but 'tis possible, I might find ways to give you often Ease, Sir.

Lov.Were I but sure of that, I'd quickly lay my Case before you.

Ber.Whether you are sure of it or no, what Risk do you run in trying?

Lov.O, a very great one.

Ber.How?

Lov.You might betray my Distemper to my Wife.

Ber.And so lose all my Practice.

Lov.Will you then keep my Secret?

Ber.I will, if it don't burst me.

Lov.Swear.

Ber.I do.

Lov.By what?

Ber.By Woman.

Lov.That's swearing by my Deity. Do it by your own, or I shan't believe you.

Ber.By Man then.

Lov.I'm satisfy'd. Now hear my Symptoms, and give me your Advice. The first were these:

When 'twas my Chance to see you at the Play,A random Glance you threw, at first alarm'd me,I cou'd not turn my Eyes from whence the Danger came:I gaz'd upon you, till you shot again,And then my Fears came on me.My Heart began to pant, my Limbs to tremble,My Blood grew thin, my Pulse beat quick,My Eyes grew hot and dim, and all the Frame of NatureShook with Apprehension.'Tis true, some small Recruits of ResolutionMy Manhood brought to my Assistance,And by their Help I made a Stand a while,But found at last your Arrows flew so thick,They cou'd not fail to pierce me;So left the Field,And fled for shelter toAmanda's Arms.What think you of these Symptoms, pray?

Ber.Feverish every one of 'em. But what Relief pray did your Wife afford you?

Lov.Why, instantly she let me Blood, which for the present much assuag'd my Flame. But when I saw you,out it burst again, and rag'd with greater Fury than before. Nay, since you now appear, 'tis so increas'd, that in a Moment, if you do not help me, I shall, whilst you look on, consume to Ashes.

[Taking hold of her Hand.

Ber.[Breaking from him.] O Lard, let me go: 'Tis the Plague, and we shall all be infected.

Lov.[Catching her in his Arms, and kissing her.] Then we'll die together, my charming Angel.

Ber.O Ged——the Devil's in you. Lard, let me go, here's somebody coming.

Enter Servant.

Serv.Sir, my Lady's come home, and desires to speak with you: She's in her Chamber.

Lov.Tell her I'm coming.

[Exit Serv.

To Ber.But before I go, one Glass of Nectar more to drink her Health.

Ber.Stand off, or I shall hate you, by Heavens!

Lov.[Kissing her.] In Matters of Love, a Woman's Oath is no more to be minded than a Man's.

Ber.Um——

EnterWorthy.

Wor.Ha! What's here? my old Mistress, and so close, I'faith! I wou'd not spoil her Sport for the Universe.

[He retires.

Ber.O Ged——Now do I pray to Heaven, [ExitLovelessrunning.] with all my Heart and Soul, that the Devil in Hell may take me, if ever——I was better pleas'd in my Life—This Man has bewitch'd me, that's certain. [Sighing.] Well, I am condemn'd, but, Thanks to Heaven, I feel myself each Moment more and more prepar'd for my Execution—Nay, to that degree, I don't perceive I have the least fear of Dying. No, I find, let the Executioner be but a Man, and there's nothing will suffer with more Resolution than a Woman. Well, I never had but one Intrigue yet: But I confess I long to have another. Pray Heaven it end as the first did tho', that we may both grow weary at a time; for 'tis a melancholy thing for Lovers to outlive one another.

EnterWorthy.

Wor.[Aside.] This Discovery's a lucky one, I hope to make a happy use on't. That Gentlewoman there is no Fool; so I shall be able to make her understand her Interest. [ToBer.] Your Servant, Madam; I need not ask you how you do, you have got so good a Colour.

Ber.No better than I us'd to have, I suppose.

Wor.A little more Blood in your Cheeks.

Ber.The Weather's hot.

Wor.If it were not, a Woman may have a Colour.

Ber.What do you mean by that?

Wor.Nothing.

Ber.Why do you smile then?

Wor.Because the Weather's hot.

Ber.You'll never leave roguing, I see that.

Wor.[Putting his Finger to his Nose.] You'll never leave——I see that.

Ber.Well, I can't imagine what you drive at. Pray tell me what you mean?

Wor.Do you tell me, it's the same thing.

Ber.I can't.

Wor.Guess!

Ber.I shall guess wrong.

Wor.Indeed you won't.

Ber.Psha! either tell, or let it alone.

Wor.Nay, rather than let it alone, I will tell. But first I must put you in mind that, after what has past 'twixt you and I, very few things ought to be Secrets between us.

Ber.Why what Secrets do we hide? I know of none.

Wor.Yes, there are two; one I have hid from you, and t'other you wou'd hide from me. You are fond ofLoveless, which I have discover'd; and I am fond of his Wife——

Ber.Which I have discover'd.

Wor.Very well; now I confess your Discovery to be true, what do you say to mine?

Ber.Why, I confess——I wou'd swear 'twere false, if I thought you were Fool enough to believe me.

Wor.Now am I almost in Love with you again. Nay, I don't know but I might be quite so, had I made one short Campaign withAmanda. Therefore, if you find 'twould tickle your Vanity, to bring me down once more to your Lure, e'en help me quickly to dispatch her Business, that I may have nothing else to do, but to apply myself to yours.

Ber.Do you then think, Sir, I am old enough to be a Bawd?

Wor.No, but I think you are wise enough to——

Ber.To do what?

Wor.To hoodwinkAmandawith a Gallant, that she mayn't see who is her Husband's Mistress.

Ber.[Aside.] He has reason: The Hint's a good one.

Wor.Well, Madam, what think you on't?

Ber.I think you are so much a deeper Politician in these Affairs than I am, that I ought to have a very great regard to your Advice.

Wor.Then give me leave to put you in mind, that the most easy, safe, and pleasant Situation for your own Amour, is the House in which you now are; provided you keepAmandafrom any sort of Suspicion. That the way to do that, is to engage her in an Intrigue of her own, making yourself her Confidante. And the way to bring her to intrigue, is to make her jealous of her Husband in a wrong place; which the more you foment, the less you'll be suspected. This is my Scheme, in short; which if you follow as you shou'd do, (my dearBerinthia) we may all four pass the Winter very pleasantly.

Ber.Well, I could be glad to have nobody's Sins to answer for but my own. But where there is a Necessity—

Wor.Right! as you say, where there is a Necessity, a Christian is bound to help his Neighbour. So, goodBerinthia, lose no time, but let us begin the Dance as fast as we can.

Ber.Not till the Fiddles are in tune, pray, Sir. Your Lady's Strings will be very apt to fly, I can tell you that, if they are wound up too hastily. But if you'll have patience to skrew them to a pitch by degrees, I don't doubt but she may endure to be play'd upon.

Wor.Ay, and will make admirable Musick too, or I'm mistaken; but have you had no private Closet Discourse with her yet about Males and Females, and so forth, which may give you hopes in her Constitution; for I know her Morals are the Devil against us.

Ber.I have had so much Discourse with her, that I believe were she once cur'd of her fondness to her Husband, the Fortress of her Virtue wou'd not be so impregnable as she fancies.

Wor.What! she runs, I'll warrant you, into that common Mistake of fond Wives, who conclude themselves virtuous, because they can refuse a Man they don't like, when they have got one they do.

Ber.True, and there I think 'tis a presumptuous thing in a Woman to assume the Name of Virtuous, till she has heartily hated her Husband, and been soundly in love with somebody else. Whom if she has withstood—then—much good may it do her!

Wor.Well, so much for her Virtue. Now, one word of her Inclinations, and every one to their Post. What Opinion do you find she has of me?

Ber.What you cou'd wish; she thinks you handsome and discreet.

Wor.Good, that's thinking half Seas over. One Tide more brings us into Port.

Ber.Perhaps it may, tho' still remember, there's a difficult Bar to pass.

Wor.I know there is, but I don't question I shall get well over it, by the help of such a Pilot.

Ber.You may depend upon your Pilot, she'll do the best she can; so weigh Anchor, and be gone as soon as you please.

Wor.I'm under Sail already. Adieu.

[ExitWor.

Ber.Bon Voyage.

Sola.

So, here's fine Work. What a Business have I undertaken! I'm a very pretty Gentlewoman, truly; but there was no avoiding it: He'd have ruin'd me, if I had refus'd him. Besides, faith, I begin to fancy there may beas much pleasure in carrying on another body's Intrigue, as one's own. This at least is certain, it exercises almost all the entertaining Faculties of a Woman: For there's employment for Hypocrisy, Invention, Deceit, Flattery, Mischief, and Lying.

EnterAmanda, her Woman following her.

Wom.If you please, Madam, only to say, whether you'll have me to buy 'em or not.

Aman.Yes, no, go fiddle; I care not what you do. Pr'ythee leave me.

Wom.I have done.

[Exit Wom.

Ber.What in the Name ofJove's the matter with you?

Aman.The matter,Berinthia! I'm almost mad, I'm plagu'd to death.

Ber.Who is it that plagues you?

Aman.Who do you think shou'd plague a Wife, but her Husband?

Ber.O ho, is it come to that? We shall have you wish yourself a Widow by and by.

Aman.Wou'd I were any thing but what I am! A base ungrateful Man, after what I have done for him, to use me thus!

Ber.What, he has been ogling now, I'll warrant you?

Aman.Yes, he has been ogling.

Ber.And so you are jealous? Is that all?

Aman.That all! Is jealousy then nothing?

Ber.It shou'd be nothing, if I were in your Case.

Aman.Why, what wou'd you do?

Ber.I'd cure myself.

Aman.How?

Ber.Let Blood in the fond Vein: Care as little for my Husband as he did for me.

Aman.That would not stop his Course.

Ber.Nor nothing else, when the Wind's in the warm Corner. Look you,Amanda, you may build Castles in the Air, and fume, and fret, and grow thin and lean, and pale and ugly, if you please. But I tell you, no Man worth having is true to his Wife, or can be true to his Wife, or ever was, or ever will be so.

Aman.Do you then really think he's false to me? for I did but suspect him.

Ber.Think so? I know he's so.

Aman.Is it possible? Pray tell me what you know.

Ber.Don't press me then to name Names; for that I have sworn I won't do.

Aman.Well, I won't; but let me know all you can without Perjury.

Ber.I'll let you know enough to prevent any wise Woman's dying of the Pip; and I hope you'll pluck up your Spirits, and shew, upon occasion, you can be as good a Wife as the best of 'em.

Aman.Well, what a Woman, can do I'll endeavour.

Ber.O, a Woman can do a great deal, if once she sets her mind to it. Therefore pray don't stand trifling any longer, and teasing yourself with this and that, and your Love and your Virtue, and I know not what. But resolve to hold up your Head, get a tiptoe, and look over them all; for to my certain knowledge your husband is a pickering elsewhere.

Aman.You are sure on't?

Ber.Positively, he fell in love at the Play.

Aman.Right, the very same; do you know the ugly thing?

Ber.Yes, I know her well enough; but she's no such ugly thing, neither.

Aman.Is she very handsome?

Ber.Truly I think so.

Aman.Hey-ho!

Ber.What do you sigh for now?

Aman.Oh my Heart!

Ber.[Aside.] Only the Pangs of Nature! she's in Labour of her Love; Heaven send her a quick Delivery! I'm sure she has a good Midwife.

Aman.I'm very ill, I must go to my Chamber; DearBerinthia, don't leave me a Moment.

Ber.No, don't fear. [Aside.] I'll see you safe brought-to-bed, I'll warrant you.

[Exeunt,Amandaleaning uponBerinthia.

EnterYoungFashion andLory.

Young Fash.So, here's our Inheritance,Lory, if we can but get into Possession. But, methinks, the Seat of our Family looks likeNoah's Ark, as if the chief part on't were design'd for the Fowls of the Air, and the Beasts of the Field.

Lo.Pray, Sir, don't let your Head run upon the Orders of Building here; get but the Heiress, let the Devil take the House.

Young Fash.Get but the House, let the Devil take the Heiress, I say; at least if she be as oldCouplerdescribes her. But come, we have no time to squander. Knock at the Door. [Loryknocks two or three times.] What the Devil, have they got no Ears in this House? Knock harder.

Lo.I'gad, Sir, this will prove some inchanted Castle; we shall have the Giant come out by and by with his Club, and beat our Brains out.

[Knocks again.

Young Fash.Hush! they come.

From within.] Who is there?

Lo.Open the Door and see: Is that your Country Breeding?

Within.Ay, but two Words to a Bargain:Tummus, is the Blunderbuss prim'd?

Young Fash.Oons, give 'em good Words,Lory; we shall be shot here a Fortune-catching.

Lo.I'gad, Sir, I think y'are in the right on't. Ho, Mr. What d'ye-call-um.—[Servant appears at the Window with a Blunderbuss.] Weal naw, what's yar Business?

Young Fash.Nothing, Sir, but to wait upon SirTunbelly, with your leave.

Ser.To weat upon SirTunbelly? Why, you'll find that's just as SirTunbellypleases.

Young Fash.But will you do me the Favour, Sir, to know whether SirTunbellypleases or not?

Ser.Why, look you, do you see, with good Words, much may be done.Ralph, go thy weas, and ask SirTunbellyif he pleases to be waited upon. And, do'st hear? call to Nurse, that she may lock up MissHoydenbefore the Gates open.

Young Fash.D'ye hear that,Lory?

Lo.Ay, Sir, I'm afraid we shall find a difficult Jobb on't. Pray Heaven that old RogueCouplerhan't sent us to fetch Milk out of the Gunroom!

Young Fash.I'll warrant thee all will go well: See; the Door opens.

Enter SirTunbelly, with his Servants arm'd with Guns, Clubs, Pitchforks, Scythes,&c.

Lo.[Running behind his Master.] O Lord, O Lord, O Lord, we are both dead Men!

Young Fash.Take heed, Fool, thy Fear will ruin us.

Lo.My Fear, Sir—'Sdeath, Sir, I fear nothing. [Aside.] Wou'd I were well up to the Chin in a Horse-Pond!

SirTun.Who is it here has any Business with me?

Young Fash.Sir, 'tis I, if your Name be SirTunbelly Clumsey.

SirTun.Sir, my Name is SirTunbelly Clumsey, whether you have any Business with me or not. So you see I am not asham'd of my Name—nor my Face—neither.

Young Fash.Sir, you have no cause, that I know of.

SirTun.Sir, if you have no cause neither, I desire to know who you are; for till I know your Name, I shall not ask you to come into my House; and when I know your Name—'tis six to four I don't ask you neither.

Young Fash.[Giving him a Letter.] Sir, I hope you'll find this Letter an Authentick Passport.

SirTun.God's my life, I ask your Lordship's Pardon ten thousand times. [To his Servant.] Here, run in a-doors quickly: Get a Scotch-Coal Fire in the great Parlour; set all the Turkey-work-Chairs in their places; get the great Brass Candlesticks out; and be sure stick the Sockets full of Laurel; run. [Turning toYoung Fash.] My Lord, I ask your Lordship's pardon. [To other Servants.] And do you hear, run away to Nurse, bid her let MissHoydenloose again, and if it was not shifting Day, let her put on a clean Tucker—quick!

[Exeunt Servants confusedly.

ToYoung Fash.] I hope your Honour will excuse the disorder of my Family; we are not us'd to receive Men of your Lordship's great Quality every day; pray where are your Coaches and Servants, my Lord?

Young Fash.Sir, that I might give you and your fair Daughter a proof how impatient I am to be nearer akin to you, I left my Equipage to follow me, and came away Post with only one servant.

SirTun.Your Lordship does me too much Honour. It was exposing your Person to too much Fatigue and Danger, I protest it was; but my Daughter shall endeavour to make you what amends she can; and tho' I say it, that shou'd not say it—Hoydenhas Charms.

Young Fash.Sir, I am not a Stranger to them, tho' I am to her. Common Fame has done her Justice.

SirTun.My Lord, I am common Fame's very grateful humble Servant. My Lord——my Girl's young:Hoydenis young, my Lord; but this I must say for her, what she wants in Art, she has by Nature; what she wants in Experience, she has in Breeding; and what's wanting in her Age, is made good in her Constitution. So pray, my Lord, walk in; pray, my Lord, walk in.

Young Fash.Sir, I wait upon you.

[Exeunt.

MissHoydensola.

Sure never no body was us'd as I am. I know well enough what other Girls do, for all they think to make a Fool of me: It's well I have a Husband a coming, or I'cod, I'd marry the Baker, I wou'd so. No body can knock at the Gate, but presently I must be lockt up; and here's the young Greyhound Bitch can run loose about the House all the day long, she can; 'tis very well.

Nursewithout, opening the Door.

MissHoyden! Miss, Miss, Miss! MissHoyden!

EnterNurse.

Miss.Well, what do you make such a Noise for, ha! What do you din a body's Ears for? Can't one be at quiet for you?

Nurse.What do I din your Ears for? Here's one come will din your Ears for you.

Miss.What care I who's come? I care not a Fig who comes, nor who goes, as long as I shall be lockt up like the Ale-Cellar.

Nurse.That, Miss, is for fear you shou'd be drank before you are ripe.

Miss.O, don't you trouble your Head about that; I'm as ripe as you, tho' not so mellow.

Nurse.Very well; now I have a good mind to lock you up again, and not let you see my Lord to-night.

Miss.My Lord! Why, is my Husband come?

Nurse.Yes, marry is he, and a goodly Person too.

Miss.[Hugging Nurse.] O my dearNurse, forgive, me this once, and I'll never misuse you again; no, if I do, you shall give me three thumps on the Back, and a great pinch by the Cheek.

Nurse.Ah the poor Thing, see how it melts; it's as full of Good-Nature as an Egg's full of Meat.

Miss.But, my dear Nurse, don't lie now; is he come, by your troth?

Nurse.Yes, by my truly, is he.

Miss.O Lord! I'll go and put on my lac'd Smock, tho' I am whipt till the Blood run down my Heels for't.

[Exit running.

Nurse.Eh——the Lord succour thee, how thou art delighted!

[Exit after her.

Enter SirTunbellyandYoung Fashion. A Servant with Wine.

SirTun.My Lord, I'm proud of the Honour to see your Lordship within my Doors: and I humbly crave leave to bid you welcome in a Cup of Sack Wine.

Young Fash.Sir, to your Daughter's Health.

[Drinks.

SirTun.Ah poor Girl, she'll be fear'd out of her Wits on her Wedding Night; for, honestly speaking, she does not know a Man from a Woman, but by his Beard, and his Breeches.

Young Fash.Sir, I don't doubt she has had a virtuous Education, which, with the rest of her Merit, makesme long to see her mine. I wish you wou'd dispense with the Canonical Hour, and let it be this very Night.

SirTun.O not so soon, neither; that's shooting my Girl before you bid her stand. No, give her fair warning, we'll sign and seal to-night if you please; and this Day seven-night—let the Jade look to her Quarters.

Young Fash.This Day seven-night——Why, what do you take me for a Ghost, Sir? 'Slife, Sir, I'm made of Flesh and Blood, and Bones and Sinews, and can no more live a Week without your Daughter—than I can live a Month with her.

[Aside.

SirTun.Oh, I'll warrant you, my Hero; young Men are hot, I know, but they don't boil over at that rate, neither; besides, my Wench's Wedding Gown is not come home yet.

Young Fash.O, no matter, Sir; I'll take her in her Shift. [Aside.] A Pox of this old Fellow, he'll delay the Business till my damn'd Star finds me out, and discovers me. [To SirTun.] Pray, Sir, let it be done without Ceremony; 'twill save Money.

SirTun.Money——Save Money whenHoyden's to be marry'd? Udswoons, I'll give my Wench a Wedding-Dinner, tho' I go to Grass with the King ofAssyriafor't; and such a Dinner it shall be, as is not to be cook'd in the poaching of an Egg. Therefore, my Noble Lord, have a little Patience, we'll go and look over our Deeds and Settlements immediately; and as for your Bride, tho' you may be sharp-set before she's quite ready, I'll engage for my Girl, she stays your Stomach at last.

[Exeunt.

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