SCENE,the Street.
EnterCarlosandSancho.
Car.ITell thee, I am satisfy'd, I'm in love enough to be suspicious of every body.
San.And yet methinks, Sir, you shou'd leave me out.
Car.It may be so; I can't tell: but I'm not at ease. If they don't make a knave, at least they will make a fool of thee.
San.I don't believe a word on't: but good faith, Master, your love makes somewhat of you; I don't know what 'tis; but methinks when you suspect me, you don't seem a man of half those parts I us'd to take you for. Look in my face, 'tis round and comely, not one hollow line of a villain in it: men of my fabrick don't use to be suspected for knaves; and when you take us for fools, we never take you for wise men. For my part, in this present case, I take myself to be mighty deep. A stander-by, Sir, sees more than a gamester.You are pleased to be jealous of your poor Mistress without a cause, she uses you but too well, in my humble opinion; she sees you, and talks with you, till I'm quite tir'd on't sometimes; and your rival that you are so scar'd about, forces a visit upon her about once in a fortnight.
Car.Alas, thou art ignorant of these affairs, he that's the civilest received is often the least car'd for: women appear warm to one, to hide a flame for another.Lorenzoin short appears too compos'd of late to be a rejected lover, and the indifference he shews upon the favours I seem to receive from her, poisons the pleasure I else shou'd taste in them, and keeps me upon a perpetual rack. No——I would fain see some of his jealous transports, have him fire at the sight of me, contradict me whenever I speak, affront me wherever he meets me, challenge me, fight me——
San.——Run you through the guts.
Car.But he's too calm, his heart's too much at ease, to leave me mine at rest.
San.But, Sir, you forget that there are two ways for our hearts to get at ease; when our mistresses come to be very fond of us, or we—not to care a fig for them. Now suppose upon the rebukes you know he has had, it shou'd chance to be the latter.
Car.Again thy ignorance appears; alas, a lover who has broke his chain, will shun the tyrant that enslaved him. Indifference never is his lot; he loves or hates for ever; and if his mistress proves another's prize, he cannot calmly see her in his arms.
San.For my part, Master, I am not so great a philosopher as you be, nor (thank my stars) so bitter a lover, but what I see——that I generally believe; and whenJacintatells me she loves me dearly, I have good thoughts enough of my person never to doubt the truth on't. See here the baggage comes.
EnterJacintawith a letter.
Hist!Jacinta! my dear.
Jacin.Who's that? Blunderbuss! Where's your Master?
San.Hard by.
[Shewing him.
Jacin.O, Sir, I'm glad I have found you at last; I believe I have travel'd five miles after you, and could neither find you at home, nor in the walks, nor at church, nor at the opera nor——
San.Nor any where else, where he was not to be found: if you had look'd for him where he was, 'twas ten to one but you had met with him.
Jacin.I had, Jack-a-dandy!
Car.But pr'ythee what's the matter? Who sent you after me?
Jacin.One who's never well but when she sees you, I think; 'twas my Lady.
Car.DearJacinta, I fain would flatter myself, but am not able; the blessing's too great to be my lot: yet 'tis not well to trifle with me; how short soe'er I am in other merit, the tenderness I have forLeonoraclaims something from her generosity. I should not be deluded.
Jacin.And why do you think you are? methinks she's pretty well above board with you: what must be done more to satisfy you?
San.WhyLorenzomust hang himself, and then we are content.
Jacin.How!Lorenzo?
San.If less will do, he'll tell you.
Jacin.Why, you are not mad, Sir, are you? Jealous of him! Pray which way may this have got into your head? I took you for a man of sense before——Is this your doings, dog?
[ToSancho.
San.No, forsoothPert, I'm not much given to suspicion, as you can tell, Mrs.Forward——if I were, I might find more cause I guess, than your Mistress has given our Master here. But I have so many pretty thoughts of my own person, hussy, more than I have of yours, that I stand in dread of no man.
Jacin.That's the way to prosper; however, so far I'll confess the truth to thee; at least if that don't do, nothing else will. Men are mighty simple in love-matters, Sir: when you suspect woman's a falling off,you fall a plaguing her to bring her on again, attack her with reason and a sour face: udslife, Sir, attack her with a fiddle, double your good humour——give her a ball——powder your perriwig at her——let her cheat you at cards a little, and I'll warrant all's right again. But to come upon a poor woman with the gloomy face of jealousy, before she gives the least occasion for't, is to set a complaisant rival in too favourable a light. Sir, Sir, I must tell you, I have seen those have ow'd their success to nothing else.
Car.Say no more; I have been to blame, but there shall be no more on't.
Jac.I should punish you but justly however for what's past, if I carried back what I have brought you; but I'm good-natur'd, so here 'tis; open it, and see how wrong you tim'd your jealousy.
Car.[Reads.]If you love me with that tenderness you have made me long believe you do, this letter will be welcome; 'tis to tell you, you have leave to plead a daughter's weakness to a father's indulgence: and if you prevail with him to lay his commands upon me, you shall be as happy as my obedience to them can make you.Leonora.
Then I shall be what man was never yet [Kissing the Letter.] Ten thousand blessings on thee for thy news, I could adore thee as a Deity.
[EmbracingJacin.
Jacin.True flesh and blood, every inch of her, for all that.
Car.[Reads again.]And if you prevail with him to lay his commands upon me, you shall be as happy as my obedience to them can make you.
O happy, happyCarlos! But what shall I say to thee for this welcome message? [ToJacinta.] Alas! I want words——But let this speak for me, and this, and this, and——
[Giving her his ring, watch, and purse.
San.Hold, Sir; pray leave a little something for our board-wages. You can't carry 'em all, I believe: [ToJacinta.] shall I ease thee of this?
[Offering to take the purse.
Jacin.No; but you may carry——That, sirrah.
[Giving him a box o' th' ear.
San.The jade's grown purse-proud already.
Car.Well, dearJacinta, say something to your charming mistress, that I am not able to say myself: But, above all, excuse my late unpardonable folly, and offer her my life to expiate my crime.
Jacin.The best plea for pardon will be never to repeat the fault.
Car.If that will do 'tis seal'd for ever.
Jacin.Enough; but I must be gone; success attend you with the old gentleman. Good-by t'ye, Sir.
[ExitJacin.
Car.Eternal blessings follow thee.
San.I think she has taken them all with her; the jade has got her apron full.
Car.Is not thatLorenzocoming this way?
San.Yes, 'tis he; for my part now I pity the poor gentleman.
EnterLorenzo.
Car.I'll let him see at last I can be chearful too. Your servant, DonLorenzo; how do you do this morning?
Lor.I thank you, DonCarlos, perfectly well both in body and mind.
Car.What! cur'd of your love, then?
Lor.No, nor I hope I never shall. May I ask you how 'tis with yours?
Car.Increasing every hour; we are very constant both.
Lor.I find so much delight in being so, I hope I never shall be otherwise.
Car.Those joys I am well acquainted with. But should lose them soon, were I to meet a cool reception.
Lor.That's every generous lover's case, no doubt; an angel could not fire my heart but with an equal flame.
Car.And yet you said you still lov'dLeonora.
Lor.And yet I said I lov'd her.
Car.Does she then return you——
Lor.Everything my passion can require.
Car.Its wants are small, I find.
Lor.Extended as the Heavens.
Car.I pity you.
Lor.He must be a Deity that does so.
Car.Yet I'm a mortal, and once more can pity you. Alas,Lorenzo, 'tis a poor cordial to an aching heart, to have the tongue alone announce it happy; besides 'tis mean, you should be more a man.
Lor.I find I have made you an unhappy one, so can forgive the boilings of your spleen.
Car.This seeming calmness might have the effect your vanity proposes by it; had I not a testimony of her love would (should I shew it) sink you to the center.
Lor.Yet still I'm calm as ever.
Car.Nay then have at your peace. Read that, and end the farce.
[Gives himLeonora's letter.
Lor.[Reads.] I have read it.
Car.And know the hand?
Lor.'TisLeonora's; I have often seen it.
Car.I hope you then at last are satisfied.
Lor.I am, [Smiling.] Good-morrow,Carlos.
[ExitLor.
San.Sure he's mad, Master.
Car.Mad! say'st thou?
San.And yet by'r lady, that was a sort of a dry sober smile at going off.
Car.A very sober one! Had he shewn me such a letter, I had put on another countenance.
San.Ay, o' my conscience had you.
Car.Here's mystery in this——I like it not.
San.I see his man and confidant there,Lopez. Shall I draw on aScotchpair of boots, Master, and make him tell all?
Car.Some questions I must ask him; call him hither.
San.Hem,Lopez, hem!
EnterLopez.
Lop.Who calls?
San.I, and my master.
Lop.I can't stay.
San.You can indeed, Sir.
[Laying hold on him.
Car.Whither in such haste, honestLopez! What! upon some love errand?
Lop.Sir, your servant; I ask your pardon, but I was going——
Car.I guess where; but you need not be shy of me any more, thy master and I are no longer rivals; I have yielded up the cause; the lady will have it so, so I submit.
Lop.Is it possible, Sir, shall I then live to see my master and you friends again?
San.Yes; and what's better, thou and I shall be friends too. There will be no more fear of Christian bloodshed. I give thee upJacinta; she's a slippery hussy, so master and I are going to match ourselves elsewhere.
Lop.But is it possible, Sir, your honour should be in earnest? I'm afraid you are pleased to be merry with your poor humble servant.
Car.I'm not at present much dispos'd to mirth, my indifference in this matter is not so thoroughly form'd; but my reason has so far master'd my passion, to shew me 'tis in vain to pursue a woman whose heart already is another's. 'Tis what I have so plainly seen of late, I have rous'd my resolution to my aid, and broke my chains for ever.
Lop.Well, Sir, to be plain with you, this is the joyfullest news I have heard this long time; for I always knew you to be a mighty honest gentleman, and good faith it often went to the heart o' me to see you so abused. Dear, dear have I often said to myself (when they have had a private meeting just after you have been gone)——
Car.Ha!
San.Hold, Master, don't kill him yet.
[ToCar.aside.
Lop.I say I have said to myself, what wicked things are women, and what pity it is they should be suffer'd in a Christian country; what a shame they should be allow'd to play Will-in-the-wisp with men of honour,and lead them thro' thorns and briars, and rocks, and rugged ways, 'till their hearts are all torn to pieces, like an old coat in a fox-chace; I say, I have said to myself——
Car.Thou hast said enough to thyself, but say a little more to me: Where were these secret meetings thou talk'st of?
Lop.In sundry places, and by divers ways; sometimes in the cellar, sometimes in the garret, sometimes in the court, sometimes in the gutter; but the place where the kiss of kisses was given was——
Car.In Hell.
Lop.Sir!
Car.Speak, fury, what dost thou mean by the kiss of kisses?
Lop.The kiss of peace, Sir, the kiss of union; the kiss of consummation.
Car.Thou ly'st, villain.
Lop.I don't know but I may, Sir,——What the Devil's the matter now?
[Aside.
Car.There's not a word of truth in all thy cursed tongue has utter'd.
Lop.No, Sir, I——I——believe there is not.
Car.Why then didst thou say it, wretch?
Lop.O——only in jest. Sir.
Car.I am not in a jesting condition.
Lop.Nor I at present, Sir.
Car.Speak then the truth, as thou wouldst do it at the hour of death.
Lop.Yes, at the gallows, and be turn'd off as soon as I've done.
[Aside.
Car.What's that you murmur?
Lop.Nothing but a short prayer.
Car.I am distracted, and fright the wretch from telling me what I am upon the rack to know. [Aside.] Forgive me,Lopez, I am to blame to speak thus harshly to thee: let this obtain thy pardon. [Gives him money.] Thou see'st I am disturb'd.
Lop.Yes, Sir, I see I have been led into a snare; I have said too much.
Car.And yet you must say more; nothing can lessen my torment, but a farther knowledge of what causes my misery. Speak then! Have I any thing to hope?
Lop.Nothing; but that you may be a happier bachelor, than my master may probably be a married man.
Car.Married, say'st thou?
Lop.I did, Sir, and believe he'll say so too in a twelvemonth.
Car.O torment!—--But give me more on't: When, how, to whom, where?
Lop.Yesterday, toLeonora, by the parson, in the pantry.
Car.Look to't, if this be false, thy life shall pay the torment thou hast given me: be gone.
Lop.With the body and the soul o'me.
[Ex.Lopez.
San.Base news, Master.
Car.Now my insulting rival's smile speaks out: O cursed, cursed woman!
EnterJacinta.
Jacin.I'm come in haste to tell you, Sir, that as soon as the moon's up, my lady will give you a meeting in the close-walk by the back-door of the garden; she thinks she has something to propose to you will certainly get her father's consent to marry you.
Car.Past sufferance! this aggravation is not to be borne: go, thank her—with my curses: fly——and let them blast her, while their venom is strong.
[ExitCar.
Jacin.——Won't thou explain? What's this storm for?
San.And dar'st thou ask me questions, smooth-faced iniquity, crocodile ofNile, syren of the rocks? Go carry back the too gentle answer thou hast received: only let me add with the poet:
We are no fools, trollop, my Master nor me;And thy Mistress may go——to the Devil with thee.
We are no fools, trollop, my Master nor me;And thy Mistress may go——to the Devil with thee.
[ExitSancho.
Jacintasola.
Am I awake!—--I fancy not; a very idle dream this. Well: I'll go talk in my sleep to my lady about it; and when I awake, we'll try what interpretation we can make on't.
[Exit.